


Shoegazing

by cream_pudding



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Anniversary, Arcades, Bathing/Washing, Christmas Fluff, Coffee, Consent, Developing Relationship, Falling In Love, Fireworks, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff, Heartbreak, Hurt/Comfort, Love Hotels, M/M, Mild Language, Misunderstandings, New Year's Eve, Public Transportation, Romance, Sex, Slash, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Smut, Song Lyrics, Twins, Violence, Weddings, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-08-15 08:04:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 226,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8048662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cream_pudding/pseuds/cream_pudding
Summary: Roxas was forever looking down, avoiding the world. Until one day an insistent pair of shoes refuses to be ignored. What follows can only be described as reckless, weird and bizarre. But Roxas can't look away from the glorious redhead who forces his way into Roxas' life. What happens if you get in way, way too deep and want more from something which was only ever supposed to be a bit of fun?





	1. The Daily Grind

**Author's Note:**

> Hi guys!
> 
> If you bare with me through the first two chapters I swear that things get _really_ good ;)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas’ existence is pretty rubbish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note - 8/14/2018  
> I know this fic has been completed for a long time now, but if you are reading this for the first time, or for the 5th+ time... no matter how many years pass, I will always appreciate feedback and comments regarding what you thought or felt. I love to know that this - and my other stories - have meant something to people. So please, if you ever have anything to say or share with me don't be shy. 
> 
> Thank you, and I hope you enjoy :

He had lived in this city for almost five months. He was getting used to the early and long commute from his tiny apartment, at one end of the vast city, to where his work’s office building stood, at the other end of the subway line.

It was always the same old routine.

He would wake to the tiny and desperately pained blaring of his phone, as it screeched at him to ‘ _get the fuck up’_. And he did. He would rise, throw off his multitude of covers and hastily throw on a thick woolly bathrobe over his heavy fleece pajamas, before stumbling and stalking into the bathroom down the hall. His goal was always the same; a hot shower.

Roxas was always atrociously cold. Never more so than when he woke from his deep slumber.

No matter the season, the chill never left his bones. Hands like icicles, numb toes, his skin frosty to the touch. The way the hairs on his arms always stood on end - so desperate to trap any pockets of lukewarm air against his skin - proved a constant reminder of how screwed up his body was.

But Roxas just took it, for this was Roxas’ normalcy. He got used to living his life as if encased in a fridge. His friends sometimes appreciated it on hot summer days. They would use him like an ice pack. So Roxas could at least concede that he was useful in some ways.

Nothing had ever helped. His parents had taken him to specialists, had his blood tested, gotten all his levels checked, made sure he ate well. The doctors called it ‘ _poor circulation_ ’. His veins too thin and small. His heart too cool and calm. 

' _Cool and calm’ - Ha!_ What a joke that was. Roxas had one of the worst tempers of all the people he knew, but anyway...

By all other accounts Roxas was fine though. There was nothing medically wrong with him. 

Since medical science found nothing abnormal, Roxas was happy to draw his own conclusions. He always enjoyed blaming his brother. 

_“You stole all the warmth from me in the womb”_.

But Ventus, his identical twin, always just grinned back at him and claimed it as being his ‘ _birthright’_ on accounts of having been born first. Those thirteen minutes and fifty-seven seconds in delay were possibly the most irritating minutes in Roxas’ life. Far too many of their brotherly arguments seemed to come down to who was first and who had been unfortunate enough to be last. Not second. No. But _last_.

Despite everything Roxas did miss his brother. They were close. They had shared their entire lives together after all. Even before they were ever truly alive. But life had also changed Roxas and how he felt about people. He would never admit to the world how much he actually missed Ventus sometimes. 

Ventus was a high achiever who had always attempted to pull Roxas along with him. Ventus had always shared the warmth that he exuded with Roxas, and Roxas had always drunk it up greedily. Even if he couldn’t go along with the rest of the things his brother wanted both of them to do.

Despite feeling slightly colder than average without Ventus, Roxas had made the choice to leave his parents and his brother behind. He had made the choice to try and make something of himself somewhere far away from his family. He was sick of living in his brother’s shadow. He was sick of the way his parents demeaned Roxas without ever purposefully doing so. His parents always had the same high hopes for both their children. That bothered Roxas, because he was _not_ Ventus, and he was so sick of people not seeing that.

Roxas’ daily routine took him out onto the dirty streets of downtown Radiant Gardens. Roxas had chosen this city without doing much research. He liked the name, but found it to have been exceptionally deceptive. There was nothing ‘ _Radiant’_ about this place. Not even the gardens were much to speak of. It was a gray city, full of miserable buildings and people, just like himself. So perhaps it was fitting that Roxas should have ended up here.

Roxas would walk the two blocks to the steaming sewer vents, also known as the subway line. He would push through the turnstiles and wait for the first train of the day to pull in, hop aboard and zone out existence as its arduous journey through rat-infested tunnels began. 

He always caught the same train, and he always sat in exactly the same spot; eighth carriage from the front, seat thirteen. Right next to one of three doors on the right side of the car.

The subway train would wearily lurch forward with a chug and a creak, painfully groaning to life. The carriage always swayed into motion, causing Roxas’ shoulder to gently bump into the dividing wall panel on his left. Roxas sometimes wondered if one day there would be a dent left in the plastic divider, which he always rocked into. It would surely be molded into the perfect shape of Roxas’ shoulder one day.

Roxas had come from a relatively small town, when compared to the sprawl and magnitude of Radiant Gardens. Trains there were quiet, cozy and a maximum of only ever five cars long. It had been somewhat of an adjustment, to say the least, when he arrived in this bigger city. This was a place where the subway maps looked like someone had unraveled a dozen spools of multicolored cotton thread and thrown them into a heap, whilst shouting ‘ _Voila! We call this City Planning!_ ’. 

The trains were long, with seats lining the walls facing inwards, to maximize the standing space for commuters. Roxas always considered himself lucky to be working and living at each end of the one line. It meant he never needed to change trains. He always got his pick of the seats and he was able to avoid being amongst the sardine crush of those peak time commuters who had to stand.

It was important to focus on the few positives in life, or what was the point of it all, really?

Typically by the fourth station, and ten minutes into his daily commute, the train would be packed. A throng of people making their way to wherever it was they were going crammed together, with no concept of personal space. 

Roxas sometimes had his feet stood on. He sometimes would be squashed against the plastic divider, as more people than could ever naturally fit on the hard plastic and pathetically badly stuffed seats, would try to squeeze on and sit down. But that was part of Roxas’ life. He at least always _had_ a seat and never had to fight anyone for it.

Other than the jostling of bodies against his own, Roxas never took much notice of other people. neither did he pay too close attention to the passage of days - weeks, or even the months. 

Everything blurred and melded into one. He purely knew it was a weekday by the fact that his phone's alarm would sound off. Otherwise he'd never know that it was time once more to adorn his favorite blue and lime green, thick, insulated hoodie, over whatever shirt happened to be clean. He would wrap his favorite belt around his favorite weather-worn and ratty jeans, and slide on his own comfortable sneakers.

The lack of care given to Roxas’ attire was the only benefit (aside from the steady paycheck) that Roxas could recognize in his job, which he fastidiously attended every day of the week.

Roxas always wore the same clothes. No matter the weather. Rain, hail, snow, sleet, shine. It never mattered to Roxas. He was always cold, even on the hottest of days, so his hoodie was a welcome friend, and always on hand. He’d sit on the subway, hood pulled over his head, and headphones firmly clasped over the top, listening to his favorite bands or whatever podcast he was currently into.

The world was drowned out and Roxas could become lost in his own fantasies. 

* * *

 

Roxas had gotten into a weird habit of staring at people’s shoes. He began imagining where these shoes had been and what they said about the person wearing them. Roxas had built up an impressive archive in his head of the shoes he saw. He started being able to discern the ‘ _regulars_ ’, like himself on the commuter train, though at this hour most people were ‘ _regulars_ ’ really. For who in their right mind would be on a train at six in the morning? Everyone was going off to their sad, pathetic lives, slaving away for a meager wage, to just return home to unfulfilling existences. Or maybe Roxas was just projecting his own internal resentments onto the world. But he enjoyed placing his own shit on others. If he had to suffer he didn’t like the thought that he had to suffer alone. 

Roxas enjoyed making up ridiculous stories about some of the shoes he saw. In the morning it was usually quite banal, with little to no variety. The businessmen and women came out to start their day. Shoes all slick, dark, and glistening with polish. Perhaps their partners had cleaned the shoes for them every day when they returned home. A mark of pride or indentured servitude. Roxas could never make up his mind which it would be.

The shoes would always be in pristine condition at the start of the day, but then on the return journey that sheen would disappear. Scuffs might surface, to just be cleaned up again the next day. 

But there was one particular pair of black business shoes which, no matter what the weather was like outside, would always enter the train by stop ten, looking particularly glossy. Then they would step off again at stop twenty. These shoes would return by the end of the day and still look immaculate.

Roxas knew it was the same person. He never looked up or around himself. His eyes were always glued onto his lap or on the floor, but he could tell people apart by just looking at their shoes. The way they stood, walked and fidgeted. But also by the socks they wore. And these particular business shoes were always accompanied by a nervous tap of the toes, and striking red socks, peeking through the gap between where the shoe ended and the business trousers began.

Roxas gave names to the shoes he enjoyed watching the most. This was Mr. Business, and Roxas didn’t think he would ever like who Mr. Business was. 

‘ _Who even keeps their shoes so clean?_ ’, Roxas would wonder with mild irritation on days when things just didn’t go right. Sometimes Roxas would wonder if Mr. Business kept his shoes to an almost mirroresque perfect polish sheen so he could look up women’s skirts. It wouldn't surprise Roxas if that were the case. Roxas bet Mr. Business was a dirty pervert.

Roxas felt far more amicable towards Scuffles, who also had business shoes but they looked old, worn and comfortable. He thought ‘ _Now there’s someone who can’t be told what to do. He probably doesn’t even care what people think of him. He goes to work every day and continues taking pride in his job, and doesn’t let anyone talk shit about him. Maybe the shoes are a symbol of his years of toil and hard labor. A proud reflection on his life and dedication._ ’

Roxas knew that he over-romanticized most of his fellow commuters but it was one of his favorite ways to spend his day.

The evening commute home was always more interesting though. The city seemed to come alive when the sun settled down. The business commuters were still amongst the crowd. Mr. Business and Scuffles had homes they needed to get to after all. But more interesting platforms, stilettos, combat boots, sneakers, gladiators, ballerina flats, clogs, ugg boots and even the ever ridiculous crocs would come out and mingle with the usual crowd of overworked, overtired salarymen and women. Everyone of which slaved away invisibly to keep this city’s heart beating.

Roxas had the most fun with the evening crowd. He imagined what wild lives these shoes had led. Maybe traipsing through the deep jungles, or scaling high cliffs. Maybe one had even stood atop an active volcano, throwing all caution to the sulfuric wind.

Sometimes Roxas even wondered if the shoes could fall in love. 

He began wondering that while observing how, over the months, Cute Ballet Flats gradually drifted and danced over from one side of Roxas’ field of limited vision, to the other, where Loafers always stood. 

Loafers seemed like a pretty chill dude. Always surrounded by some pumps and sneakers. So it was nice to see Cute Ballet Flats make the move to sidle in towards the other.

He didn’t know if it was the spring drifting to summer but something seemed to hang in the air between these two. Roxas imagined what whirlwind romance they might have. He watched them flitter around each other for weeks on end. It was like a drama on the television, or some strange elaborate mating ritual. Whatever the case it provided Roxas with enough entertainment to get him through some of the most tedious parts of his hour-long commute.

He would always eagerly ‘ _tune in tomorrow’_ to discover if they had gotten to the next level in their soleful relationship.

Sometimes Roxas made himself laugh with the stupid shit he came up with in his head.

So that was how Roxas enjoyed spending two solid hours of his day. It made an awful journey bearable. He sadly could not say that he had the same reprieve from the other eight hours he had to spend at the mind-numbing ordeal he called work. It was something that had to be suffered through and something to endure and cringe-worthily be tolerated every day.

But the monotony of his working hours filled up his day nicely - as much as Roxas hated it. Whilst he was at work he at least was around other human beings, which was nice. He listened to the office banter, never partaking, but ever aware of its existence. He thought if he had to listen to silence for eight hours straight he would go insane. Roxas wasn’t permitted to wear his headphones at work - some lame bullshit excuse of ‘ _disrupting productivity_ ’, so he reveled in the noises of office life happening around himself.

The sound at work was infinitely better than what he was faced with upon his return home.

Oppressive silence engulfed him when he returned to his shabby apartment. It was almost too much to bear some days. Whenever he came back home he felt the weight of his isolation at its heaviest. It crashed like a wave and drowned him. 

He lived in a shoebox full of lonely, sad, gray people like himself. The walls of his apartment were more akin to some thin, mildly reinforced cardboard than any actual plasterboard. He supposed it should be a blessing that the walls truly were so thin, for late at night he could hear his neighbors undecipherable whispers and sobs through the wall. 

Roxas would stare up at the ceiling and just listen to the sound seeping through the pathetic barrier. At first it had been unsettling, but over time it became a sickening comfort. At least he knew there was another human being nearby.

He supposed his neighbor was fond of wallowing in misery late at night, for that was the only time he ever heard anything from that side of the apartment.

Late at night, when Roxas needed to give his ears a rest from his headphones, he would listen endearingly to the soft sounds to his left. They were far more pleasant to focus on than the insect-like noises emanating from above and to the right.

Sounds of slithers, scrapes and gnawing permeated from those directions. Sometimes weird thumping would shake him awake at night, followed by scratching and dragging sounds.

At least he knew that someone was alive in the apartment on the left. For all Roxas knew there were dead bodies in the other apartments, being gnawed and burrowed through by whatever wildlife managed to survive in this shithole of a city.

Roxas truly lamented the fact that he had to take his headphones off. He hated that he wasn’t able to sleep with them on. He had even tried earbuds at one point but that just woke him in the middle of the night as his ears ached uncomfortably.

He wanted to drown out the unsettling sounds of his home. He wanted to drown out the quiet humming and clattering of the trains. He longed to deaden the mindless chatter of the city. He would even have loved to be able to drown out the incessant noise of his co-workers, no matter how comforting their presence sometimes was. But mainly he needed the noise to drown out the deeply disturbing isolation of his existence.

So Roxas tried to live an enriching inner life. He continued to watch the shoes that entered in and out of his limited view, framed by his hood.

He watched petite pumps and staunch boots. He watched the uniformity of the black business garb wash in, and slowly trickle out again like the tide, as the train sailed through the central business district and back out into the suburban wastelands. 

Roxas drifted through life, and his reality, rocking with the sway of the tracks. He jostled to the tired old click-clack of wheels on rails, which would never deviate from the path they were on.

The humdrum of daily life raged on with oppressive monotony. 

* * *

 

It must have been nearing summer, judging by people's footwear. Roxas was always too cold, so he never knew what season it was. He found it laughable that he could only tell based on what the women chose to wear. Footwear became more bare - Sandals, flip flops, cute bows on cute pumps. Bare legs became more abundant as skirts, dresses and shorts were adorned. 

Whereas the men's clothes never changed. The corporate world's mindless drones never changed out of their standard issue uniforms. But Roxas couldn’t really chastise them, for he himself wore his own uniform of hoodie, old jeans and sneakers, and never wanted to change out of his comfortable clothes. 

So this in the end surely meant that the weather was theoretically heating up, and Roxas also secretly harbored hope with each passing summer that this would be the year that the chill would be driven from Roxas’ very core.

One day during summer something of vague interest happened. 

Roxas actually felt marginally warm. He might even have ventured so far as to go with slightly toasty. And that had been before he ever stepped foot onto his usual train car, to sit in his usual spot.

The air conditioning unit on the train had broken down on one of the hottest days in recorded history for the city. The train was packed to the brim, as it usually was, and the air became even more acrid than the norm. The sour scent of too many men in their cheap polyester business shirts, stiffly starched collars and neatly ironed and pleated pants, wafted through the air. 

Every time the doors opened to swallow up more people into the overly crowded train carriage, it pulled in the slightly fresher air from outside. But that never lasted longer than ten seconds before the doors closed and the offensive smell wafted back to Roxas’ somewhat delicate nose.

At first the mellow warmth was welcoming, but as the train crowded and filled - as the smell of a day's worth of stress sweat, and anxiety induced pheromones rose to almost suffocating levels, Roxas felt himself becoming ever so slightly uncomfortable.

Roxas lifted his headphones and pulled his hood off before steadfastly returning the headphones to fill the crushing emptiness his ears had been accosted with for a brief moment.

It felt strange to feel the breeze around his neck. He could feel it tugging at every strand of his unruly hair, ruffling and tickling.

The shoes in front of Roxas shuffled backwards and forwards. Letting people get on and off at each station. Roxas saw his usual crowd - Loafers and Cute Ballet Flats were close together but facing away from each other. Scuffles had managed to land himself a seat across from Roxas. Comando seemed to be hitting on some poor girl, if the way he was nudging her sandals was anything to go by. 

Another stop and people engaged in their polite shuffle dance of making way for those getting on or off. Roxas knew this was Mr. Business’ work stop, and he would be getting on after a hard day at the office. His shoes would be immaculate and he would go stand off to the side near the door so he could hurtle back out and get off at the entertainment district, as was his pattern on a Friday night.

Roxas chuckled at himself at how well he knew the habits of some of these shoes.

The train came to a grinding halt, causing the forest of legs in front of Roxas to sway. His shoulder once again hit the side of the plastic divider. The shuffle and dance began. Roxas caught sight of Mr. Business, his shoes so bright they almost shone with a light all their own. People crowded in, pushing and squeezing. Someone tried to sit down on the packed seats, forcing everyone else to squeeze down the line. Roxas was firmly pressed against the divider. It was just another day.

With the mildly interesting difference that once the doors were closed and the train began moving again, feet began to shuffle. It was one of the highest breaches of subway etiquette. Once you got on, and the doors were closed you just didn't move. There was no space so you made do with wherever you had landed when you arrived onboard.

But Roxas wasn’t at all surprised when he saw who had caused the offense. Mr. Business had squeezed through the throng and had, for some reason, decided to stop right in front of Roxas, where he seemed to still and settle.

The train continued to lurch merrily along the dark corridors of Radiant Gardens underworld. The heat inside the car began turning humid with everyone's collective exhales. It was an altogether unpleasant experience. But the smell seemed to have been placated somewhat as a more pleasant scent drifted to Roxas’ nose.

Roxas figured it was the strong cologne of Mr. Business, who seemed to be trying really hard to not let the other passengers push him directly into Roxas’ face. Roxas appreciated that. He had his face too close to people’s nether reaches on too many occasions and was still no more comfortable with it. 

Roxas was sad to see Mr. Business go when he did get off at the entertainment district. The unpleasant smell came back, and continued to linger until Roxas was two stops away from his home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mmm... Disclaimer - I spend _way_ too much time on public transport. But it _is_ where I get a lot of fic writing done too, ahahahaha!


	2. Desperate for Attention

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The shoes come out to play.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm shocked so many of you guys actually _like_ this story. I was certain that first chapter would have turned you all off. But... you left **kudos** anyway. Naaaaawwwww. I heart you guys.
> 
> Lets see if Cream Pudding can keep the magic of your interest alive in this next chapter.

The heat of that day never repeated itself. The sun rose and sank continuously, much like it had done every other day. Roxas’ hood was back in it’s snug place. The headphones were forever melded to his skull, and the cold continued to bite into the core of his being.

Roxas watched as Loafers and Cute Ballet Flats finally seemed to turn towards each other on a more regular basis, which brought an inexplicable jolt of happiness to Roxas. It actually managed to warm some very small part of himself. There were two people who managed to make a connection in some small way. That seemed special to Roxas.

Something which however was _not_ special was Mr. Business’ propensity for standing in front of Roxas more often than not. The sea of people always parted as glossy shoes shoved past and bumped into anyone in his way. Roxas figured himself lucky that the pompous ass didn’t seem to care about sitting down. But Roxas certainly wouldn’t put it past this guy to try and wedge himself in between people if it got him what he wanted. Everything Mr. Business did was aggravating.

To prove Roxas’ point at how pompous this guy was Roxas was subjected to having his toes stepped on, repeatedly. 

When doors opened and more people pushed in, or attempted to leave, Roxas’ personal space became invaded. He often became smooshed against the side of the plastic divider, and Mr. Business’ belt buckle thrust dangerously close towards Roxas’ hoodie enshrouded face. Roxas always tilted his head away from the radiating heat in front of him. 

Though some days, particularly as winter rolled around, Roxas would actually have preferred to push his cold nose into the folds of that jacket and business attire. It could possibly mean a small reprieve from having icicles grow on his nose.

Other than that fleeting thought the only upside of having that asshole standing there was the cologne. He at least smelled nice. Roxas tried to focus on that fact every time he was bumped or trodden on. Through gritted teeth, however.

Roxas bundled up more as days grew shorter. Thermal undergarments, two pairs of socks, scarf, woollen hat underneath his trusty hoodie. And to top it all off a thick gray jacket to match his tired gray existence. Roxas hated winter the most. There was the cold to contend with, but also the fact that most people seemed to go away for Christmas. 

Christmas season left Roxas’ office eerily quiet. Where normally there would have been a hustle and bustle of phone calls - keyboards clicking away - idle banter - and stupid office pranks - now there was just the quiet hum of the overhead lights, and the droning of the A/C unit. At least Roxas was able to finally set it to a balmy temperature instead of needing to adhere to office protocol keeping the temperature down to arctic degrees.

Roxas had volunteered himself to stay behind and man the fort over Christmas. He didn’t want to return home to see his parents and brother. He spoke to them on the phone enough over the months to not warrant coming back home for. Besides - Roxas just couldn't face them. He couldn’t face another Christmas in front of the long lost relatives which came out of the woodworks once a year to ridicule and measure up Roxas’ life to his brother’s. They always highlighted in sickening, albeit well-meaning, ways how Roxas had failed to amount to anything.

So instead he faced the quiet of a big city. Despite everyone else seeming to run for the hills in order to get away at this time of year. The residence of Radiant Gardens most probably had families elsewhere to visit, Roxas told himself. Because that’s the only thing that made sense. He didn’t see how anyone would willingly want to live in this city. 

It was cramped, smelt bad, and was stressful. But then he looked at himself in the mirror and just thought ‘ _hypocrite_ ’. 

He willingly stayed. Though possibly more out of fear of not knowing where else to go. He never enjoyed facing his family. Which probably just made it worse, because he became a coward at the same time as being a hypocrite.

The somewhat abandoned city came with certain benefits though.

The subway was nowhere as crowded as before. More tourists seemed to come in, but they in no way replaced the mass of workers that has previously crammed the train cars to the brim. 

All of Roxas’ favorite regulars were gone now, bar for Mr. Business. He apparently loved working as much as Roxas suspected he did. His shoes were still immaculate, despite the snow and dirt that muddied everything it touched.

The snow in Radiant Gardens wasn’t the same as snow back home, Roxas lamented ruefully. Here it turned to black sludge overnight. It caught the soot and pollution. It would melt during the day, creating a soupy slush which was tracked through streets, cafes buildings, subway platforms, etc.

‘ _Caution Slippery When Wet’_ seemed to become the city’s slogan over winter. Bright yellow signs, mops, and buckets manned by cleaning crews could be seen everywhere Roxas went.

But Mr. Business’ shoes were still clean. Roxas knew this very well, as he could look at them in minute detail as the man inexplicably continued to stand in front of him.

That _burned_ him.

The train car was deserted in comparison to how it had been even a month previous. Mr. Business could take his shiny shoes anywhere and everywhere, but he chose to stand in front of Roxas. It grated on Roxas’ nerves. It made him feel self-conscious and his mind wandered to what the meaning was behind that action. Did the man want Roxas’ seat? He could go sit anywhere else. Did he enjoy harassing Roxas? Had Roxas ever done something to the man?

No. Of course not. So he could just go fuck himself, for all Roxas cared.

But it was _almost_ like Mr. Business _wanted_ Roxas to care. Despite there being no one and nothing to cause any shoving Mr. Business _still_ bumped and trod on Roxas. It frayed Roxas’ already too thin temper. One day he would snap, and would smack that fuckwit with the full force of his satchel bag. Right in his dumb fucking face.

That thought amused Roxas, and subdued his temper most days.

Roxas was actually surprised that he was holding it together. He was by no means a calm and demure person. He was well known for his outbursts back home. But Roxas supposed that the idea of giving the prick the satisfaction of seeing Roxas mad was something he didn’t want to afford the arrogant dipshit. 

So he just turned his music up and retreated further into his hood.

* * *

 

The festive season eventually passed. People returned to work. The train became crowded once more. Roxas had missed the company of his fellow commuters. 

The one commuter Roxas wanted nothing to do with however wouldn’t leave him alone. He was always there, or close by, tap, tap, tapping feet in particular patterns which had started to become very familiar to Roxas. It was like a beat to a sound no one could hear. Sometimes Roxas thought the tapping synchronized with the music he was listening to. Those were the strangest times of all.

Roxas had lifted one of his headphone cups off his ears one day to listen to the sound of the train as it rattled along. 

But just as he suspected there was no sound, bar for the minute rustles of people shuffling around, as well as the sound of bodily functions, like sniffling noses, churning stomachs and the sound of breathing. The odd soft murmurs of people talking somewhere quietly in the distance was the only other audible sound. Everything else just got drowned out by the whir of the electrical equipment inside the train, and the mechanical clatter of wheels on rails.

So Roxas ignored the tapping feet and thought nothing more of it.

Eventually Roxas noticed that the snow had stopped falling and most of it was cleared out of the streets. Spring must be approaching, Roxas suspected. Not that it made too much difference to himself.

With the changing season other things began changing along with it.

Strange shoes started appearing in front of Roxas.

Awful Ugg boots, heinous espadrilles, casual boat shoes, ostentatious brogues. Roxas was a bit miffed. He didn’t recognize the shoes but he recognized the mannerisms attached to the shoes. He knew those red socks which lived, and wiggled their toes, inside the leather casings. But it always confused Roxas. Because Mr. Business would walk onto the subway train in the mornings in his trademark glossy polished shoes, to only later return at close of day with... 

Terrifying red cowboy boots stood in front of Roxas on this particular day. Roxas couldn't hold back the laugh. It rolled out of him clear and probably too sharp. He had to clap his hand in front of his mouth to keep the rest of the belly laugh from spilling out.

He had seen plenty of shoes since he had started this weird hobby of his. But he had never seen anything quite as grotesque as those gaudy bits of leather which adorned the man's feet at present. 

Up until this point Roxas had a very clear picture of Mr. Business. One he did not like. One that reminded him of high flying, pushy, self-important business tycoons. 

These types of people would tread on the little guy and look down their nose at you. Like you were the dirt beneath the feces, which their purebred blue ribbon winning show dogs excrement. 

Maybe this guy had a sense of humor though.

* * *

 

Work was tedious as always. The sounds around Roxas’ apartment never abated, but Roxas had found a new joy in life. The afternoon commute back home had become the most entertaining part of Roxas’ day.

He would sit far back in his plastic seat, bumping shoulders with the wall on his left and the random commuter on his right, and eagerly keep his eyes peeled for what new atrocity Mr. Business would inflict upon Roxas today.

The crocs came out. Different days and many different colors. It was disgusting, and Roxas reveled in it. High tops, sneakers, loafers, even some cute bunny bathroom slippers one time. The way the floppy ears of the slippers had moved every time toes wiggled inside had caused little quakes of laughter within Roxas.

Roxas found himself laughing more often, causing his body to shake with the strain of repressing it. He was very mindful of his fellow commuters, not wishing to cause a fuss. It seemed quite frowned upon in this city to be loud on public transport. So he kept it down. But it was getting harder as time passed. 

If Roxas didn’t know any better he would have thought Mr. Business was _trying_ to make Roxas laugh, and laugh loud.

If that had been the grand master plan it certainly did work. 

One day Roxas was in stitches as brilliant red heeled stilettos stepped onboard, commanding attention. Roxas could hear the gasps through the blaring in his ears from his headphones. Tears rolled down Roxas’ face, and his bubbling mirth could not be silenced for the entire duration while Mr. Business stood, albeit extremely wobbly, in front of Roxas. He still wore his fantastic red socks, which clashed delightfully with the red of his stilettos.

Roxas kept his eyes on the shoes though. He had felt tempted in the past to look up. To see who on earth this guy was. But then Roxas figured it wouldn’t make a difference. It didn’t matter what he looked like. What did matter though was _why_ he was doing this.

Was he after Roxas’ attention? 

He certainly had it after the cowboy boots. 

Did Mr. Business… or perhaps he deserved another name now… Mr. Attention Seeker was probably more abt - Did Mr. Attention Seeker - or Mr. AS for short - want Roxas to look up at him? Surely everyone else on the packed train was already looking at him right now. So what did it matter if Roxas was one of the hundreds of people or not?

Roxas kept his eyes firmly rooted on the floor, quietly laughing away, and ignoring anything Mr. AS might want from him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact... Mr. Business was gonna be a throw away character and our fave redhead was gonna be someone else. But then I thought _'nah, let Rox have a terrible impression of him. Much more fun'_ , lol!


	3. A Certain Kind of Fondness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time apart can be useful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, if you want to be kept up to date with when I update this fic feel free to follow me on [tumblr](https://creamypudding.tumblr.com/). I'll be posting chapter announcements there. Or subscribe to this fic (hit the subscribe button up top) to get email notifications. Or go to my [profile](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cream_pudding/profile) and subscribe to me there to get notifications whenever I post anything, across all my current, and future fics.
> 
> Please enjoy the ridiculousness of this chapter.

The random bids for Roxas’ attention seemed to die down after that. There would still be odd footwear every other day. There were still apparently many colors of crocs which Mr. AS hadn’t shown off yet, but more sensible shoes came out as well.

Where before Roxas had kept his daily routine to himself he began sharing it with his brother, whenever they spoke over the phone. Roxas never divulged that the guy was always standing in front of himself though, when he came onto the train with his outrageous footwear. He didn’t want Ventus to think that anything was going on between them. Roxas didn’t even want to consider that there might be something going on between them to himself. It was an uncomfortable notion. 

“ _He really wore stilettos?_ ” came his brothers all too familiar laugh.

“Yeah,” chuckled Roxas, the image still burning all too vivid in his mind. “You should have heard the rest of the carriage react to it. I’ve never heard a collective gasp of a hundred people.”

Ventus was still laughing, and trying to get his words out between rasps, “ _Oh man, that city sure has some kooks in it. I’m gonna tell Liss. If that happens again you just gotta take a snap and send it to me, ok?_ ”

Roxas nodded his head, even though Ventus wasn't there to see it. “You got it.” He probably should have thought of that before, but he had been too caught up in the shock of it all.

“How’s Liss, anyway?” 

Melissa was Ventus’ girlfriend. He thought she was quite good for his brother. She leveled him out while simultaneously being able to revel in, and share his excitements. Roxas really liked Melissa, but for some reason he felt himself tuning out to his brother's ramblings.

The fact that Ventus had a long-term girlfriend was a bone of contention between Roxas and his parents. It was another reason to not speak to them too frequently or visit. They didn’t always expressly ask, but Roxas could read between the lines and the pointed looks. 

_‘When will you settle down with a nice girl, Roxy?’, ‘When will you give us grandkids, like Ven and Liss are planning to do?’_

Why did Roxas need to give them grandkids if Ventus was going to look after that duty? Roxas didn’t get it. 

“ _Hey, bro. You still there?_ ”

Roxas blinked out of his thoughts. “Eh... yeah?”

“ _Spaced out again, did ya? I said Melissa’s fine. What’re we doing for our birthday though? I’m still bummed that we didn’t get to celebrate together last year. I want you to come home this time._ ”

“Yeah I know. It’s our big two - five. I’ll have to see if I can get any time off work.” 

But Roxas’ heart really wasn't in it.

“ _What’s the matter, Rox? You know you don’t have to be worried about mom and dad. You know they say terrible things without meaning to. You just gotta keep ignoring them._ ”

“You know it’s not that easy, Mr Poster Boy.”

“ _I make a pretty ugly poster, you know that, right?_ ”

“Every time you insult yourself you insult me too, Ven,” muttered Roxas.

“ _Nah man. We’re completely different. I can totally tell us apart._ ”

Roxas rolled his eyes at that. “God, you’re stupid. _Of course_ _you_ can tell us apart. Doesn’t mean the rest of the world doesn't think we are one and the same though. Doesn't stop our parents and grandparents and auntie Nina and uncle Stu and cousin Lila thinking we’re the same,” he huffed with all too familiar resentment.

Ventus remained silent for a moment, before coming out with the gem, _“They just don’t know where to look to see how different we are.”_

“Oh yeah? And pray tell where should they be looking besides how my life is somehow inexplicably sub-par to your own?”

_“Oh shush, Rox. Who cares if you don’t have a career that our family approves of. You’re doing what you enjoy and that’s amazing!”_

“Of course you’d say that. You’re my brother. You’re supposed to support me and my stupid life choices.”

“ _Well… yeah. But I actually mean it too, Rox._ ”

Roxas let out a heavy sigh.

_“Cheer up, doofus. There’s heaps of good things about you. For one your eyes sparkle nicer than mine.”_

Roxas snorted with loud laughter, before he managed to squeeze out, “Yeah, that comes in handy when you need to be a sparkling unicorn. No one cares about sparkling eyes in _Reality Land_ though.”

“ _I care. I’d scoop your eyes out and swap them with mine in a heartbeat._ ”

“Yeah, now you know why I don’t wanna come back home.”

Yet before the phone conversation had come to a close Roxas promised that he would try his best to get home for his birthday. 

It was still a month away, so plenty of time to put in for leave and get an airline ticket. But Roxas put it off. He didn’t want to go home until he had made something of himself. He wanted to prove people wrong. Wanted to show them that he could follow his own path, instead of following the path that had been laid out for him since seeming birth. 

Just because Ventus had been happy to work towards a medical career didn’t mean Roxas had any interest in it.

He sighed. He hated disappointing people. But Roxas was too rebellious at times. He was a bit too stubborn. When he set his mind to things he didn’t let go. And so he felt pretty certain that he would let the birthday celebration slide. Because seeing his parents would be too uncomfortable. Answering their questions would be too soul shattering.

Nothing was worth being put through that ringer for.

That was until one week there was no sight or smell of Mr. AS. 

At some point, while that man had disappeared, Roxas noticed a distinct hollowness in his chest. The world seemed a little bit more monochromatic. The ride home a little bit too weary. 

Where there should have been the spiced scent of a familiar cologne, there was none. All that remained was the pungent, stale, man sweat smell which seemed to cling to everything. Even after Roxas alighted from the train. 

Roxas missed how that man’s cologne burnt the subway stench away. Roxas missed the way Mr. AS’s scent had sometimes lingered on his clothes.

The days passed, and Mr. AS continued to be absent.

Roxas began to worry about those silly shoes. He lay awake at night, staring at his ceiling, drowning out the creeping and weeping sounds of next door with his headphones. He wondered what could have happened to Mr. AS. He hoped it was nothing bad. 

But his active and wild imagination seemed to run amok. Maybe he had a stiletto accident, falling down some stairs. Maybe the Fashion Police had _finally_ arrested the man and confiscated all his crocs collection, charging him with crimes against humanity.

It could be anything really. Or the man could just be sick. A horrible flu was making it’s way around the metropolitan area. It had even been on the news. So Roxas rolled over, hugged his hot water bottle, and went back to sleep.

He felt marginally colder sitting on that subway train for the remainder of that week. He felt lonelier than before too, for some stupid reason. It’s what made him decide to swallow his pride and make concrete plans to go see Ventus and his parents. 

He sorted out his leave and booked his flights that week, much to his family’s delight. But he didn’t care about them. He only wanted that hollow part in himself to be filled up. Even for just a little while.

Next Monday Mr. AS walked back on at stop number ten, wearing his mirroresque polished shoes. Roxas’ heart had actually _fluttered_. Something which had always been a ridiculous notion to him. One reserved for crappy romance novels. 

Fingers and toes tingled with unaccustomed heat. A brightness swelled in his chest and radiated outward. He felt less numb. He felt… more normal. Like how he had been all the previous weeks while Mr. AS had peacocked with his shoes.

That faint warmth which seeped back into himself was eerie. Roxas had never noticed that he had even felt warmer when Mr. AS was around. Not until this moment anyway. But he was definitely not imagining it. The wind of the train doors opening and closing rattled through his bones with less ferocity. His perpetual goose prickled skin seemed to relax a little.

Roxas wanted to pull that business blazer towards himself and warm his iced hands underneath it. He wanted to tell the man to never get sick again. Wanted to tell him what a selfish buffoon he had been for being away for an entire week.

Didn’t he know there were other humans out there who needed him to drown out the stench and loneliness? Roxas just laughed at himself and his over-dramatic stupidity. As if Mr. AS cared about anyone but himself. And yet Roxas was glad to have the man back.

That irritated him. He felt grumpy at himself and his mind's preoccupation that day with trying to figure out what shoes Mr. AS would be wearing in the afternoon. He tried to distract himself but his mind doggedly returned to the same subject.

What shoes, what shoes, _what shoes_?

Neon lime crocs had been the answer he had regretfully been looking for. Those appalling things walked onto the train, and Roxas couldn’t keep the disgusted smile off his face. He was glad that his fears about the Fashion Police confiscating all of the offending shoes had not been acted upon.

Roxas returned to his comfortable routine of ignoring and drowning out the world, while gazing at shoes. But one particular set was being afforded a lot more attention and scrutiny than all others. 

* * *

 

Roxas had flown out on a Friday night and arrived at his home in Twilight Town only hours later. He had been greeted by a tremendous hug, and a sloppy kiss on his cheek by Ventus, and then driven off to their parent's place.

“Wait till you see what I’ve got in store for us _!_ ” Ventus had beamed.

Roxas was right to be excited.

The party had been massive. All their friends and relatives came over. There had been an abundance of outdoor activities like abseiling, rock climbing, the smashing of Roxas and Ventus shaped pinatas. They had gotten a giant jumping castle which had been a big hit. There had also been a ball pit, which spawned a weird hybrid game of Marco Polo and dodgeball. 

Karaoke was rolled out at night, as well as rhythm games, which Roxas just loved and kicked everyone’s arses at.

Roxas had loved being with his brother. He had loved romping around with him in the ball pit, and pegging balls at each other. He loved leaving Ventus hanging on the abseil and laughing like a maniac. He had loved singing cheesy duets and letting his brother win some rhythm games out of charity. He loved that Ventus knew it too.

He had loved how their faces had been smooshed into their birthday cake and the subsequent food-fight which erupted.

After the food fight abated though Ventus had completely stolen the show by proposing to Melissa. She had of course said ‘ _Yes_ ’ and that had been the end of a brilliant day.

It had truly been an amazing party, which only compounded how miserable he felt over the remaining week.

He had realized what a terrible mistake it had been to live with his parents two days into his stay. He wished he could have stayed with Ventus and Melissa, but their house was too small to put Roxas up for the remaining five days. He hadn’t wanted to be a burden and knew that his presence there would have made all three of them uncomfortable. Especially since the marriage proposal has probably meant copious amounts of sex for Ventus. And Roxas really didn’t want to be in the vicinity of that.

Roxas’ parent’s had many well-meaning conversations with him while Roxas was trapped there. They wanted the best for him, and he knew it. But it just felt like they were constantly nagging him. Questions around studying further bombarded him. 

He had a degree in Applied Computing. He was happy to keep it as such, instead of taking it further into Biomedical Research, like his parents seemed so keen on.

If anything Roxas wanted to take it the other way and get more into graphics and media design, as the programming and analytics side of his career sent him a bit cross-eyed of late. But Roxas couldn’t tell them that. So he just sighed and tried to distract them by talking about his brother's engagement. It got his mother super excited and let Roxas off the hook. 

Roxas also felt glad when his aunts and grandparents came around. The conversations were heavily focused on Ventus and away from himself. Roxas wondered if Ventus had planned it so he would save his brother from his family's scrutiny. Ventus was kind… but surely not _that_ kind.

Ventus’ engagement wasn’t a complete saving grace anyway. Roxas’ own love life was put under the microscope. Maybe even more closely than before in some aspects. Yet Roxas preferred the focus to be on his love life, rather than his career choice. It was still an awkward conversation, to be sure, but one that felt less like an assault on his personal choices and desires in life.

“ _No Auntie, I haven’t met a nice girl yet. - I’m too busy - Prospective life partners don’t just grow on trees - No, I’m sure my wardrobe is fine, Grammy - I’m getting plenty of fiber in my diet. How’s that even … no never mind, I don’t want to know._ ”

The extended family had been so dismayed at the lack of any woman in Roxas’ life that he was dragged out by his cousin, Naminé, to go clubbing. She was supposed to introduce Roxas to all her single friends. Which she did. And Roxas had fun. But he wasn’t in the mood for romance.

The days passed by and other than at his birthday party, Roxas had only managed to catch up with his friends a handful of times. Everyone was a bit too busy with their own personal lives to spend more than an hour hanging out with him.

So Roxas had been quite eager to go back to his shabby apartment in Radiant Gardens. Despite the creeping noises, and the tundra deep freeze which was his building, he loved having his own space. He loved to live and do as he pleased. So he reveled in the solace of being in his apartment upon his return… For all of ten minutes before he felt lonely and grumpy again. 

A sour irritation rubbed against Roxas that entire weekend. Being amongst his family had highlighted his internal inadequacies. It had reminded him of how his dreams weren’t panning out quite as he had hoped. 

It’s what irritated Roxas the most. He had certain expectations for himself and reality wasn’t matching up to them. Work was dissatisfying, as he slaved away in the lowest ranking position. Moving up in the world through the business was excessively difficult. He had already been there a year, yet was still doing data entry. His talents were completely wasted. 

Sometimes when he got really bored he pondered how he could sue his University for not adequately preparing him for the schmoozing component of working out in the field.

He hadn’t been able to connect with people in meaningful ways at work. Everyone he worked with was much older than himself. And outside of work his social life was six feet below the earth, because he didn’t know where to even begin looking when it came to making friends. All his long-term friends had trickled into his life through school and university. It was easy to make friends when you were bound together, seeing each other daily, and sharing common interests - like the course they had studying together.

But outside, in the real world, people were always busy. No one had time to hang out. Roxas didn’t even have a clue how to meet new people. It made his shoebox apartment feel colder. The loneliness swelled and grew as he compared it to the full and social life he had engaged with back home. He hated missing that life so much.

He didn’t want to crawl back home with his tail between his legs.

* * *

 

Some of the bitterness leaked out of him when Monday rolled around. He was around familiar people. Sure, they didn’t know him, but he at least felt like he knew them, even if it was in a weird creeper kind of a way. 

Roxas’ mind had wandered to Mr. AS from time to time while he had been away. And his mind was certainly on him once Roxas had returned to the city. Had Mr. AS worried about Roxas and his MIA status? If he had was it even remotely like how Roxas had worried and wondered about him when he had been gone?

It was such a stupid thought to have, but it warmed him. Especially when he lay in his bed, hugging his hot water bottle in the dark of night.

If the man hadn’t missed him, at least Roxas knew within himself that he had missed the morning and afternoon commutes. He had missed being surprised by ridiculous shoes, and had missed his crappy too-hard-for-comfort seat. Even the way his shoulder always bumped the side of the train, or whoever was sitting next to him, had been missed. That’s how lame Roxas was.

Once glossy shoes parked themselves in front of Roxas that Monday morning he felt more at ease. He watched the shoes tapping away with something other than the relaxed and carefree ease they seemed to normally exhibit. Or maybe Roxas was imagining the whole thing. It’s not like he _knew_ Mr. AS. It’s not like they were friends.

And then it occurred to Roxas that perhaps this _could_ be a friend. There was some weird fondness between the two of them. How hard would it be to look up and smile at the man?

He should just do it. What’s the worst that could happen? 

Mr. AS could be butt ugly. 

Why should that matter though? Roxas wasn’t after anything but friendship… right? Right. Of course.

Maybe Mr. AS was a decrepit geriatric. Now _that_ would be disappointing. What would he do if that happened? He wouldn’t be able to take back the smile. He would just feel more awkward knowing an old man had been hovering around him over the last year.

A shudder ran through Roxas. He’d have to move train carriages and seats. Roxas didn’t want to do that. He was a creature of habit.

But maybe Roxas could go out to coffee shops with geriatric old Mr. AS and they could talk about how ‘ _back in his day_ ’ things were really different. Roxas could perhaps learn something.

But he didn’t want that. Roxas wanted someone around his own age to go out to arcades with. Catch movies. Beat the crap out of, and best in video games. Though that last one wouldn’t be too challenging if Mr. AS was old. But Roxas _wanted_ a challenge. He wanted an equal.

He wanted someone he could talk to and have fun with. He wanted someone he could go through life with.

Why was Roxas deliberating over who his perfect life partner would be? He frowned at that and shook his head. Enough thinking. Roxas was just going to _do_.

He snapped his head up.

But instead of being met with a tired old salaryman looking down at him, there was a sea of black flowing through, leading their mass exodus.

They had just pulled into stop twenty.

 _Damn_.

* * *

 

Roxas had arrived at work to be met with a stack of backlog to enter into the database. No ‘ _Hey how was your birthday!’_ , ‘ _Did you have a nice time?_ ’. No. It was just ‘ _We need you to have this done by five pm today’_. 

And Roxas had tried. He had tried his darndest to get everything done by five. He had raced out of there like the whole village was out to get him with pitchforks and torches.

But he had still missed his train. 

Roxas’ heart fell as he watched the red lights disappear and get swallowed in the darkness of the tunnel beyond.

It’s not like there wasn’t another train inbound within the next five minutes. No. But he had been looking forward to his commute home, _so much_. He had wanted to see Mr. AS’s shoes. He had wanted to muster the courage to smile up at that mystery man, and to make a friend. 

“ _Hey, I like your shoes,_ ” he would say.

And Mr. AS would just nod in a friendly way and say _“Thanks. I wear them just for you._ ” 

But Roxas would play it all cool and be like, “ _Oh really? How thoughtful. They’ve been a pretty good laugh on this boring commute home.”_

 _“I know. The trip is ‘super’ boring, isn't it. Making you laugh is the highlight of my day,”_ he would say, because Mr. AS was probably smooth.

And Mr. AS would have delivered it with such a big smile that Roxas would just know that they could be really great friends.

_“Well it’s the highlight of mine too. You wanna go and do something else to make our boring lives more exciting?”_

_“Sure. You got anything in mind?”_

_“You wanna go catch a movie, or grab something to eat?_ ”

No, no, _no_. That just sounded like a stupid date. 

Roxas kicked the ground while he waited for the next train to pull in. Maybe it had been for the best that he missed his chance today. He needed to work on what he would say. He didn’t want to come off as pathetic. He didn’t want to seem desperate for attention, or in need of social interaction. He didn’t want to seem like he _desperately needed_ a friend in this world.

He huffed. He would just wait til tomorrow. In the morning he would smile up at Mr. AS and try his best to make a friend in this dismal city. 

However Roxas’ conviction left him by the time daybreak arrived.

The shiny shoes had stood before him, almost stepping on Roxas’ feet. But they seemed to change their mind, being content to just be toe to toe with Roxas instead.

Roxas felt like the man wanted something from him. Like there was a desperation there. Or maybe he was just projecting his own wants onto those shoes. That’s probably what it had been.

That morning he talked himself out of the task at hand. Roxas reasoned with himself that it would be far better to smile up at the guy in the afternoon. That way, if anything did eventuate, they could actually spend some time together. What was the point of starting anything right now when both of them had jobs to get to anyway?

He breathed in deep, happy with having found a reasonable excuse for putting this off for a few more hours. But Roxas promising himself he would do it that afternoon, and make sure that he didn’t miss his train.

The day dragged on. He was stuck in a time warp where the closer it got to home-time the slower time actually moved. He would furiously input data. Reams and reams of pages, only to find that five minutes had passed.

Once he had looked up at the clock and he _swore_ it had moved backwards. It was painful. But what was even _more_ painful was the last minute workload which had been dumped on his desk. 

“We need this done.”

“But Sir, I’m nearly off the clock.”

“We need this done, _today_.”

Oh how Roxas fumed. But oh how that spurred on his work process. Time marathoned on, and Roxas was racing against the clock. But he managed to get the information in and collated the data. He hit the ‘ _Save_ ’ button and raced out of the office like his house was on fire and only _he_ could somehow rescue it. 

People were shoved, pedestrian crossing lights were ignored. Roxas was a raging twister, cutting through all the crap in his way.

Roxas squeezed through the train doors as they closed, nearly getting his bag snagged.

He flopped down on his usual spot and worked towards catching his breath and stilling his heart. Roxas needed to get fitter. That was one more thing to put on the ‘ _to do_ ’ list.

Roxas awaited stop twenty with baited breath. Fluoro yellow crocs fluttered in and caught Roxas’ attention like a little bird. They shone. A bright beacon in the sea of gray. They pushed into the car with force, heading towards Roxas’ seated form. They nudged him. Whether by accident or on purpose Roxas couldn’t say. All he knew was that this was it. Crunch time.

Roxas’ heart was uncharacteristically in his throat. 

How hard would it be to look at someone? If his face was anything like his shoes though, Roxas assumed it would be very difficult to keep the grimace off his own face.

The train rolled into action, causing everyone to sway and for Roxas to bump the too familiar wall next to him. He tried to still his breathing. He tried to muster his courage. He looked… nowhere but down.

How hard was it to raise his goddamn head? It was like an anvil was sitting atop of his skull. Eyes remained glued to shoes. They really were disgusting. That color - and how they clashed with red socks. And how ridiculous to be wearing them with that suit. Roxas chuckled. He always felt a laugh or a smile when he saw this ridiculous man and his ridiculous shoes. 

He really _should_ look up.

But as he studied the awful sight, fluoro crocs turned around and away from himself. 

That had never happened before. Was the man leaving already?

‘ _Please don’t,_ ’ Roxas whimpered in his head. He still needed to be given another chance to muster his courage. He could feel himself getting closer to it. It would only take a few more stops.

But the shoes didn’t stalk off. They remained. Albeit a heel was lifted off the ground, leaving the sole exposed to Roxas. 

Roxas frowned slightly. Was that… a note… stapled to the bottom of his shoe?

Roxas looked at it. It was definitely a piece of paper with thick black marker. The once pristine white of the paper had been soiled by the outdoors. So Mr. AS _did_ actually know what _outside_ looked like. 

But it was the writing on the paper which drew Roxas’ attention. He tilted his head a little.

The scrawl was still pretty legible -

‘ _Sup, Blondie._ ’

Roxas just blinked at it. Was that… _for him_?

Something swirled inside of Roxas’ gut.

After a moment longer the heel lowered, and the other raised. It also had a note stapled to the bottom, in much the same state of distress as the previous note.

‘ _Gimmie a sign if u wanna have a good time, k? ;)_ ’

All of Roxas’ breath vacated the premises and there was a sickening hole where his stomach should have been. He stared, mouth hanging open stupidly. He was only released from his note imprisoned gaze once the heel dropped again.

The hoodie was pulled firm around himself. Roxas sunk his head deep down against his own chest where he could feel his heart racing. Why was his heart racing?

The offending shoes turned around again, facing Roxas. They felt less like a friendly canary and more like a venomous and brightly colored snake.

Roxas’ gaze saw nothing else for the remainder of that journey bar his own hands on his lap, tightly clenched into fists.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Spoookiepie](http://spoookiepie.tumblr.com/) over on Tumblr did some amazing fanart for my story. I'll just leave it here. Please show them lots of love. You can see the art by [CLICKING HERE](http://spoookiepie.tumblr.com/post/176966300083/spoookiepie-im-sorry-im-causing-a-scene-on)


	4. Taking A Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas throws caution to the wind.

The notes sent his stomach into a churn that entire evening and well into the next morning. When the train pulled into stop ten Roxas’ heart started up its little motor and hammered at him. Roxas found himself sinking down low into his seat, wishing to not be seen. 

He found it hard to swallow when glossy shoes came and stood in front of him. Roxas felt scared… but... also somewhat excited? 

Maybe he should have moved. 

Roxas reprimanded himself for being too predictable and not having gone to sit at a different location.

What had the guy meant by ‘ _have a good time’?_

He just wanted to shake the man and shout at him, ‘ _What does it all mean? What good time? What kind of a sign?_ ’ Roxas didn’t know.

Was Roxas even _that way inclined_? He didn’t know that either. He didn’t mind looking at guys he supposed. But neither did he mind looking at girls. He never bothered to pay too much attention to those aspects of himself. All Roxas knew was that he liked _people_. 

Roxas’ stomach knotted. His body buzzed. It was hard to take deep breathes and his hands became exceedingly clammy as he watched glossy shoes in front of himself. 

It had all been well and good while he thought and hoped he could start a friendship with the stranger, but now that Roxas had seen those notes he felt nervous and uncertain.

The notes were laden with so much _more_ than friendship. Or maybe so much _less_ than friendship. What if this guy just wanted… 

That’s what caused the nausea.

Had those notes been intended for Roxas though? They _must_ have been for him. Who else could he have been referring too? ‘ _Blondie_ ’... that grated at Roxas. ‘ _How did the guy ev- Oh…_ ’

Memories of sweltering summer heat a year ago swept through him. Memories of the pushing and treading actually caused heat to rise to his normally cool face. His heart thumped uncomfortably.

It was flattering and humbling all at once. Had Mr. AS seriously been trying to get his attention since then? Something felt deeply unsettling about all of this. It freaked Roxas out. So he chose to go through his morning commute ignoring those shoes. He also ignored the confusion which filled his head. It was better to not think about it.

Something he however could not ignore was work. It only seemed to get worse over the next few days since his holiday last week. He had been coming home late every day for the remainder of that week. It meant missing his afternoon train, which also meant he had to forgo seeing Mr. AS’s shoe display. On the one hand he missed it. On the other it allowed him to avoid the uncomfortable thoughts. 

Was it good, was it bad? Why was he feeling this way at all? Why was he so torn? All he could be certain of was that he didn’t know what he wanted. Well… that was a lie. There was one other thing he was certain of. He was irritated. It was mild at first but swelled, with the crescendo hitting on Friday.

Roxas’ day seemed to have spawned from the pits of hell. His hot water system broke, so he had a freezing shower in the morning. His toaster had decided that Roxas’ morning crumpets were better burnt to a crisp than just lightly toasted, and when Roxas got to work… well… 

Apparently leaving work for a week somehow meant that bad stuff just cascaded from mild nuisance to worst case scenario system crashes. Everything fell apart. Computers wouldn’t start. Blue screens of death rampaged through the floor like an epidemic, and the servers were all compromised. 

All of a sudden Roxas was the most important and skilled person for the job of fixing everyone’s shit - despite him only supposedly being in charge of data entry - something Roxas vehemently reminded everyone of, but was wholeheartedly ignored over.

Roxas grumbled the entire day. If they felt he was so important then why didn’t they give him a promotion to a position he was actually good at? Imagine what he could accomplish working on something he had actual expertise in. He probably could have _prevented_ half of these messes from ever having been created.

By the time he left his office cubicle he was embittered and sour at the world. He stormed towards the subway station. A dark and turbulent cloud swallowed him up. It engulfed and amplifying every small annoyance ten fold. Every person who didn’t get out of the way fast enough was greeted with a violent nudge and snarl. 

Roxas had gotten out of the office on time for once, and all he wanted to do was go home and be miserable in peace. At the very least he always got his favorite seat. That subdued the rage inside himself somewhat.

Stop number twenty rolled around. 

Despite everything, Roxas still felt himself looking forward to this part of his day. Roxas wondered if he had been more pissed off with the work situation because it had meant missing out on his favorite activity. It was a strong possibility.

That provocative flutter returned when glossy business shoes stepping onboard. But instead of beelining towards Roxas they loitered at the entrance. Roxas felt his heart sink. No colorful or unusual footwear. No lingering in front of Roxas and stepping on his shoes. Had Roxas somehow inadvertently pissed Mr. AS off? 

It didn’t make any sense. The man always stood in front of him in the mornings. So why...

Anger, irritation and maybe even some mild disappointment rose in Roxas. Mr. AS could go fuck himself. Roxas had done nothing wrong. Nor did Roxas need that wanker in any capacity. 

Roxas retreated into his hood and closed his eyes, focusing all his attention on listening to the sound permeating from his headphones.

The train bounced along the tracks. One stop. Two stops. Three stops.

Heat firmly pressed and wedged against Roxas’ side. He growled and huffed in irritation, moving, and squishing himself closer to the dividing wall. He didn’t enjoy being sat on. He opened his eyes, poised to glare at the offending shoes.

Breath caught in his chest. Glaring eyes opened wide and something rushed and tingled through his body at the sight of glossy business shoes. 

Of course the arrogant bastard would be responsible for this total disregard for decorum and personal space.

Roxas bit down the smile. 

He bit down the swell in his chest. 

He fought the urge to lean against the man, who had forced himself into the narrow gap between Roxas and the stylish summer pumps, which had been next to him moments before. 

It was probably a stinking hot summer evening but Roxas didn’t feel it. What he did feel however was Mr. AS. Glorious heat radiated out of that body. He could also smell the equally warm scent the man gave off. Roxas never knew smell could convey warmth until this exact moment.

His heart started beating faster at the close proximity of the other man. 

This was the most Roxas had ever seen of Mr. AS. He knew the other man was skinny, and had quite long legs. Roxas certainly got a better picture of it now as those crossed legs encroached and pushed against him. 

Long, well kempt and manicured fingers tapped away on an expensive looking phone, playing… one of Roxas’ favorite JRPG mobile games.

Excitement rose.

Mr. AS didn’t _appear_ old, from what Roxas could observe. A deep seated worry evaporated inside himself.

Roxas changed his mind. He didn’t want to go home right now. What was the point? His shower was broken. His toaster was possessed by pyromaniac gremlins. He didn’t want to be alone in his desolate apartment with the disconcerting sounds and dismal weeping. 

Roxas _wanted a good time_. Whatever that even meant.

Roxas felt stupidly brave. 

He sucked in air, hoping and willing it to make him strong. He needed to say something. He knew that much. Roxas opened his mouth. The intention was for a ‘ _let’s go_ ’, but his body froze, and some pathetic quiet squeak of air came out instead.

‘ _Real fucking smooth, Roxas,_ ’ he berated himself.

The time for Mr. AS to get off was fast approaching. It was a Friday night which meant that he would be heading for the entertainment district. Roxas didn’t have much time to think about what he was going to do.

He began feeling nervous. He could feel the other man shifting in his seat. There was a minuscule push against his side, as if the man was turning to look at him. 

Roxas froze.

 _‘Just do it, Rox. Just fucking do it!_ ’ he told himself. 

The pressure and heat at his side eased up. Mr. AS began to rise. This was his stop.

Ferocity flared inside of Roxas. He didn’t want to go home! He squeezed his eyes shut and nudged glossy business shoes.

The motion next to him paused for a fraction of a second. 

Roxas’ heart fluttered once more. There was definite butterfly activity and a buzzing happening in the pit of Roxas’ stomach.

The train came to a halt. Roxas felt Mr. AS continue his upward motion and all of a sudden there was space and a deep freeze encroaching on Roxas’ right side of his body.

With eyes still shut tight Roxas frowned deeply. Maybe that had been a completely stupid ‘ _sign’_. Maybe Mr. AS had missed it. Or maybe he truly _was_ pissed at Roxas and was ignoring him.

The doors slid shut again and the train jostled forward, sending Roxas’ shoulder into the train.

Roxas exhaled his sorrow and opened his eyes again - only to focus on glossy business shoes standing in front of him.

The pit of Roxas’ stomach lifted in elation. 

Then dropped like a stone down a well.

 _Shit_. 

Each time the doors to the subway opened Roxas’ pulse raced and sweat prickled his skin. But Mr. AS didn’t move. He ignored his own stop and they kept heading down the line towards where Roxas lived. Was the guy waiting for Roxas to get off? Would they travel to the end of the line? Roxas didn’t want this guy to know where he lived.

Five stops from Roxas’ home Mr. AS nudged his foot and moved to the doors as they opened. 

He could still bail. Roxas didn’t have to go through with this. No one was making him do anything.

But there was nothing to go home for.

Roxas swallowed down his nerves and tried to ignore his brain telling him what an awful idea this was. He got up, head drooped and focused on his feet as they shuffled along the vinyl floor.

Roxas trailed behind Mr. AS as they wound their way up and out of the station. They ambled through narrow piss stained and perfumed alleys. 

This was a completely unsavory neighborhood, and Roxas had always been told to avoid it. He couldn't believe he was actually here, following a guy he had never seen and didn’t know, to have a ‘ _good time_ ’. 

At least there were plenty of people around.

But Roxas exhaled in disappointment. He was appalled at himself. He thought about what his mother would think of him. 

' _Roxas, I didn't raise you to be so reckless.’_

‘ _Roxas, Ventus would never do such things!’_

‘ _Roxas, do you want to get raped and murdered?_ ’

‘ _Roxas, what are you going to do about dinner?’_

Well maybe that last one was one of Roxas’ personal concerns.

But it was all still just dreadful. How had Roxas’ life even come to this? Following a strange man down dodgy alleys, to dodgy places, to do dodgy things.

But Roxas was here now. He might as well try and make the most of it. He might as well see who this arrogant prick even was.

Roxas was about ten paces behind the man, trying to keep as much distance between them as he could, without losing sight of his shoes in the crowd. 

His eyes ventured up. They scanned over loose fitting business slacks and blazer to be drawn up and settle on… _shocking red hair_. 

Roxas actually stopped in his tracks. 

Someone bumped into him from behind.

Roxas stumbled forward and resumed his walk, with a bit more pace to try and catch up to the flame dancing in front of him.

He blinked rapidly. Was he seeing things? Roxas checked the strange man against the shoes he knew so well. Glossy, with the hint of red… just like his hair. 

_Huh…_

Surprise was the dominant emotion. He had always imagined Mr. AS as looking very proper and blasé. Some dark hair, neatly cut to go with his neat uniform. He had expected Mr. AS to be boring. But that hair… it stuck out all over the place and fell past shoulders. It was...

Very distinct.

Somehow that eased Roxas’ mind a little. If anything happened the police would be able to track down Roxas’ rapist and murderer pretty easily. 

Roxas huffed in sick amusement before his thoughts returned to _red_.

An image of those red stiletto’s and red socks flashed into Roxas’ mind. He imagined what it would have looked like with the complete package with matching red hair. 

Fondness towards the other man swirled inside him. 

It was quite possibly the only things which made Roxas continue to follow the other man. It was possibly the only thing which kept him going as he approached the doors of... a love hotel.

Roxas swallowed down the horrendous nervous sea of bile which rose and threatened to drown him.

He had heard about these places. He had seen a fair few as well since they seemed a staple feature around most subway stations in this grande city.

A place for people to go blow off some steam after a hard day’s work. A place to have privacy and intimacy.

He had heard of all the kinky shit that went on in there. He had heard and seen images of some of the disturbing themed rooms that existed.

The buzzing in Roxas’ body did not abate. He pulled his hoodie tight around himself, wanting to hide from the world. He felt deeply embarrassed and ashamed as he stepped over the threshold.

But there didn’t seem a reason to be.

No staff was to be seen anywhere in the hotel foyer. In fact, there was no one around at all. It was also far less sleazy than what Roxas had envisioned. The foyer was pleasant and the potted plants seemed well cared for.

Roxas watched as Mr. AS beelined towards a high tech vending machine. Roxas shuffled closer without getting _too_ close, and observed.

He found it really hard to swallow as he watched Mr. AS expertly maneuver through the menu on a computer screen. He tried to take a peek at what the man was choosing for them.

Roxas breathed a sigh of relief when he saw a rather normal looking room get selected.

Red hair turned slightly towards Roxas, causing him to freeze up. Roxas berated himself for having made an audible enough sound for the other man to have noticed.

The key was spat out of the machine in a matter of seconds and the redhead turned away, leading the way to the elevator. Roxas was on autopilot and just followed. He kept his eyes to the floor the entire time and focused on the music in his ears and the way his heart tried to thump out of his chest.

As they waited for the elevator they stood side by side. Roxas looked at glossy black shoes. They were still as a serene lake.

The doors opened and Roxas followed Mr. AS obediently.

The ride up for Roxas was nauseating. He could feel the jitters in himself. His heart raced and his breathing labored. Roxas gazed at glossy black business shoes next to him. Still an ocean of tranquility. 

The man had probably done this for his entire adult life. He was probably an expert at picking up chicks and dudes. And probably also really good at…

Roxas gulped. 

The tension inside himself coiled ever tighter.

Why was he still here? Why had he stepped into the elevator? He could - and should - have bolted as soon as he realized what district they had ventured into. But he hadn’t.

This was not the kind of _‘good time’_ Roxas had -. 

No, who was Roxas even kidding? This was always the only thing he had imagined was ever meant by that note. And Roxas had agreed to it. But why? 

He had _hoped_ for something else, sure, but he never truly expected anything different. 

Roxas supposed he had felt angry and reckless enough today to throw caution to the wind. Besides, it had been flattering to have someone show some interest in Roxas. He wanted to connect with someone - and Mr. AS had seemed fun before they got to this place.

Roxas felt disappointed in himself… and in Mr. AS, for being such a sleazebag.

His heart rose to his throat. 

The elevator door opened. 

He still followed the redhead, like a loyal puppy. No questioning, or waver in his step. But deep shame still coursed through his veins.

As they got to their room Mr. AS scanned the card and held the door open for Roxas. 

Roxas’ eyes were still firmly rooted to the ground. Like that would somehow protect him from the reality of what he was about to do. 

He squeezed through the narrow gap between the door frame and Mr. AS’s body, making sure to avoid all body or eye contact. 

He had willingly stepped through that door. He had no one but himself to blame for anything that was about to happen next.

Roxas could feel himself trembling like a leaf by the time he was deep inside the bowels of that hotel room.

He ventured a peek up. 

The room was modest, and probably also really cheap. Tired carpeting, dark washed walls, heavy curtains on the one window in this place. There was a dark and seedy vibe in the air, which the dimmed lights only added to. A bed stood in the middle of the room and there was a bathroom off to the side. Otherwise there was nothing else. This place was only here for _one_ thing.

The door closed behind Roxas.

His stomach clenched. His breath rapid and shallow. This was such a bad idea.

The music still rang in Roxas’ ears. He swallowed, hard. His mouth was dry and his throat scratched.

Lanky business fatigues appeared in front of Roxas. 

His eyes trailed up from the floor onto lithe chest, covered in a tight, white business shirt and unbuttoned blazer. As his gaze traveled up, Roxas could appreciate how casual the man wore his stuffy looking business uniform. The top few buttons were undone and the shirt looked generally crinkly, like Mr. AS had no time in the world to iron his things.

Scratch that previous thought about this man possessing a neat uniform. Roxas fought against the affectionate smile which threatened to take ahold of him for an instant.

The minute reprieve from his anxiety allowed Roxas to actually noticed the significant height difference between the two of them. It unnerved him somewhat. He just stared out in front of himself for a bit, trying to see through the man’s chest.

Slender arm’s moved to hips. Mr. AS was probably looking down at him, eyeing him off. That was an uncomfortable idea. 

He forced his eyes to continue their journey up. He had rested enough staring through that chest. It was now time to see who this man was. 

His gaze skidded over a well defined collar bone, slender neck, and eventually rested on the man’s face. 

Looking at the man who had been hovering over Roxas for the better part of the year hit him like a kick to the stomach.

Pale skin, sharp features, and vivid green almond shaped eyes. All framed and accentuated by spikes of red hair, surrounding the man like a halo of fire.

He gulped down the painful hard knot in his throat and just gaped.

This man… was actually… kind of -.

A shiver ran through his body.

Hard green eyes softened. A smile was born and matured into something broad and joyous.

Roxas heard the laughter through his headphones.

The man pointed at his own ears, and Roxas got the message that Mr. AS wanted him to remove the headphones. Roxas fished for his phone, stopped the music and carefully pried his second set of ears off his head, thrusting them deep into his bag.

The silence was deafening for a brief moment. Roxas’ security had been stripped away and he had to contend with the fact that he was actually - truly - here, doing a really stupid and dangerous thing. 

He had so many regrets swirling around himself in that brief five seconds before the other man spoke up. 

“Hey there.”

“Hey,” squeaked Roxas. 

“I didn’t think you’d be _this_ short.”

Mr. AS had a very pleasant timbre to his voice. It scratched in all the right places and sounded warm and inviting. But the content of that voice was grating.

Roxas narrowed his eyes and barked, “I didn’t think you’d be such a lanky dipshit.”

The man chuckled, with raised eyebrows, “The kitten’s got a bit of a bite to him, huh.”

Roxas bristled against that remark. The way that rumbling voice caused an uncomfortable feeling to rattle in his chest as he breathed in made Roxas even _more_ irritated.

“I’m not some fucking pet,” snarled Roxas. He was scared - terrified even. It manifested itself as anger.

The man’s shoulders shook with laughter, “Can’t say I’m into bestiality, so you don’t have to worry about me dressing you up like a kitten. - Unless,” he gave pause for a moment, raising a slender digit to his chin in thought before continuing, “you're _into_ that kinda stuff. I think we can rent costumes here.” 

That remark was followed up with a lewd wink and bright canines poking out behind thin lips.

Roxas could feel himself getting hot for the first time since that stifling summer day on the subway. His anger, fear, and the heat radiating off that too-close-for-comfort body all added to the strange sensations in Roxas’ own body.

He hated how his heart was beating right now. Each hard thump smashed into his breastbone uncomfortably. Each rushing pulse in his body made Roxas want to spring into action. Either flee, or punch the guy in the face and _then_ flee.

“I’m not. I’m not into that, I’m not into _you_. This was a mistake. I’m gonna go.” With that Roxas turned to hurry back out the way he came, hoping he would be able to remember the way back to the subway station.

Yet Roxas didn’t get far as he felt a warm and soft hand envelope his wrist like a delightful cloud. It made Roxas stop dead in his tracks.

“Now just wait a minute. You’re the one who nudged _me_. What’s changed between us getting off the train and being here?”

Mr. AS almost sounded upset.

Roxas glanced back at the man, wide eyed. His heart had dislodged from his chest and was now in his throat.

“You don’t have to be scared of me. I won’t bite. Unless you want me to,” a half smile accompanied that invite before dropping away.

That pleasing cream complexion, and those eyes that just begged to be stared at, looked at Roxas with worry. The cocky confidence Roxas always assumed was MR. AS’s only state of being had vanished. No trace of it lingered in any part of the man’s body.

Gentleness and concern seemed to appear instead. It hooked Roxas in.

Roxas’ breathing had turned into huffing. He could easily yank his wrist out of the gentle hold, but he found himself unable, or unwilling, to do so. 

“I -.”

The anger in Roxas’ brow fell as uncertainty and fear let themselves be known. 

“I just-,” Roxas felt embarrassed over how he was stammering.

“Do I make you nervous?”

 _Of course_.

Roxas’ brow knitted back up in tension as anger reignited. “I don’t need to explain myself to you. I’m leaving.” Roxas yanked his hand free with more force than he ever truly needed to use, and moved towards the door, reaching for the handle.

Hasty words tumbled forth, “Please don’t go.”

Those pleading, breathy sounds halted Roxas’ hand. The gentleness pierced him and stilled his rage temporarily.

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I just assumed that you’d want to - well -.” 

Roxas heard the nervous laugh and it drew his eyes off the door and back around to where Mr. AS stood. 

“We… don’t have to?” he asked tentatively, feeling far too eager to have his fears allayed.

Mr. AS’s head was down and a hand ran through red spikes. Roxas felt his lungs constrict as his chest tightened around them. The man looked so... 

“No, we really don’t have to. I just wanna spend some time with you,” muttered the other man with some desperation.

Roxas’ hand slipped off the handle. 

Green eyes peeled up from the floor and rested on Roxas’ face. Roxas drew in on himself, wrapping arms around his torso protectively. He turned towards the redhead.

“Why?” he said slowly, suspicion rife in his voice.

Now that Roxas was no longer poised to dash out of there, Mr. AS seemed to relax.

“I have this stupid character quirk where - if I want something - I go out of my way to get it,” he said with an endearing shrug of his slight shoulders. A self deprecating smile played on his lips. It caught Roxas’ attention.

He blinked at Mr. AS.

“But why do you want _me_?” he said, genuinely baffled.

The man drew closer. 

Roxas’ eyes widened in fear and he stepped backwards. 

Back hit the door and arms fell back down to his sides. Roxas breathed out heavy huffs as the man reached out and pushed Roxas’ hood off the top of his head.

A soft smile played on lips and caused green fire to dance in eyes. “Nothing as poetic as destiny or love at first sight. But when I saw you a year ago, I just thought, ‘ _damn, he’s a real cutie_ ’. Your hair, your sparkling eyes. Who would have guessed this ugly sweatshirt hid such a pretty sight?”

The man picked at the front of Roxas’ hoodie with his slender fingers.

Roxas had to look away. At the window behind the man - at the wall - at the floor. Just anywhere that wasn’t that man’s face or body. Uncomfortable tingling swirled in Roxas’ stomach, and a bizarre heat spread up his neck towards the apples of his cheeks.

“I’m not _cute_.”

“Sure, whatever you say,” was the dismissive remark. 

Fingers found their way into his hair, gently pulling at Roxas’ bangs.

Roxas cleared this throat and the man’s hand dropped. 

Roxas’ gaze fell onto those glossy shoes, seeking comfort. Those were the only familiar things about the man.

It was always the shoes...

“So... you wore all those stupid shoes just so… what?” Roxas wasn’t sure what the end goal had been.

“I could get your attention. Hear you laugh. Get you to look up at me.”

Roxas felt a finger underneath his chin. He resisted the upwards push, but not completely. He allowed that slender finger to coax his head up and Roxas carefully locked eyes onto green. 

His heart had fallen into his stomach. His rapid pulse reverberated around every part of Roxas’ body.

He felt like putty. To be moulded into whatever those green eyes wanted to see. Roxas was melting - drowning - at the sight of the other man. He had no idea why.

Had this guy somehow managed to drug him? Was there something in the air that made Roxas more compliant? He had no idea what nefarious things the hotel owners might pump into the buildings ducted air conditioning unit.

A soft chuckle pulled Roxas out of his stupor, and he firmly shut his mouth which had drifted open again. 

His eyes narrowed and he pulled his gaze away.

“You seem to have real trouble looking up at me, huh.”

“It’s your freakish height,” tried Roxas, defensively. 

“Mmm, most people can’t _stop_ looking at me. Your effort to resist me is really valiant and duly noted.”

Roxas let out another huff. His heart thumped even _more_ erratically. He still had no clue what was happening. He was ready to punch the guy and run away at any moment. But… there was something insanely alluring about this man.

Roxas didn’t truly want to leave. Curiosity dug at him. Where would this go? What would happen?

There had been a promise that they didn’t have to do _things_. That appeased and soothed Roxas’ rampant anxiety from before they ever stepped inside this room.

Roxas decided to table his fears regarding this man being a sexual predator. Mr. AS hadn’t assaulted him yet, so that was a good sign...

Roxas’ gaze was pulled down as he felt a soft touch on his wrist, running down along his hand and fingers.

 _‘Oh God,’_ that hand was so warm. Roxas wanted to latch on. His fingers twitched with restraint.

“Why’re you so cold? It’s the middle of summer.”

Roxas’ eyes drew up in bewilderment as another soft touch accosted his cheek. That man’s touch was so incredibly hot. It seemed to illustrate how cold Roxas was, despite the heat which had settled on his face.

“I have a stupid body quirk. I’m always cold,” said Roxas, much in the same way that Mr. AS had spoken to him, what felt like a lifetime ago.

“Well that kind of explains why you’re always wearing the same things, even in this heat. I was wondering why you weren’t dying of heat exhaustion.”

The man’s chuckle rolled through Roxas’ body.

“I suppose being cold comes in handy on days like today. I’d rather be cold than so hot all the time.”

The redhead let go of Roxas. 

For a split second Roxas wanted those hands back on himself, but he chased that thought away.

He watched Mr. AS shrug out of his blazer, and casually throw it towards the bed.

Roxas gulped.

White business shirt clung to Mr. AS from sweat and from being far more form fitting than the blazer. It definitely sat _very_ snug.

Roxas narrowed his eyes and dragged them off the other man. “I’d rather be hot than cold.” 

“Hmm… Anything I can do to help?”

Roxas couldn’t decipher if the man was being genuine or lewd. He… seemed genuine?

“Nothing. I’ve managed all my life. I’ll continue to manage it,” he muttered and shrugged dismissively. 

“You want me to run you a bath?”

Fingers were back, teasing Roxas’ bangs.

“A bath?”

“Yeah. You know. Usually white and rectangular shaped. People sit in them submerged in hot water.”

Roxas slapped away that irritating hand.

“I know what a bath is,” he snapped.

He didn’t like being treated like he was stupid.

“Oh good. Do you want one then?”

“If I have a bath what are you gonna do?” the sharp edge of suspicion in Roxas’ voice wasn't toned down.

“Well,” breathed the other man as he leaned in closer towards Roxas, “I think there are two options. Either you let me wash you, or you let me join you. I’d really like you to let me join you.”

Roxas’ stomach twisted at those words.

“Neither. How about option three.”

“What’s option three?”

“You leave me to bathe alone and -.”

“Option four, I just watch you?” the smirk was cheeky.

“No,” he squeaked meekly.

“Aww,” the man huffed. “But if you _had_ to choose one of the first two options… ,” Mr. AS continued to push his own agenda.

“None.”

“No, no. You gotta pick something.” Mr. AS smiled at Roxas sweetly.

Roxas narrowed his eyes.

“If I don’t what’s gonna happen?”

Roxas felt so nervous in regards to what the response would be.

“What would you _like_ to have happen?” was the sultry and minty response, which blew into his face. 

Roxas bit his lip and swallowed hard. “N-nothing.”

“Well that’s just boring, isn’t it?”

Roxas really tried his hardest to sound strong and defiant. “I’m happy with boring.”

Mr. AS’s hand appeared next to Roxas’ head as the man used it for leverage, leaning even closer to Roxas. 

Their noses almost touched. 

“Well I’m not,” was the smoky husk of a response.

Roxas felt a warm touch skid up his forearm, pushing his sleeve up with the motion and then fingertips explored the exposed portion.

His skin goose fleshed prominently against that graze. 

“Just let me run a bath for you. I want to warm you up. _All over_ ,” Mr. AS breathed into Roxas’ ear.

The pit of Roxas’ stomach was boiling with heat, and his pulse seemed to carry it all around his body. Roxas probably didn’t even need a bath if Mr. AS kept talking to him in that tone of voice.

Roxas felt himself losing to that alien but dazzling sensation.

“N-no thank you,” he tried.

“You don’t have to be scared of me. No funny business, I swear.” The man drew away from Roxas, even taking a step backwards to give him some space. 

Roxas winced with the sudden rush of cold that accosted him. 

“Just you, me, in hot, _hot,_ water, and _lots_ of bubbles, so I won’t see a thing if you don’t want me to.”

Another wink was given.

Roxas wanted that body back against himself. He wanted that insane heat. Suddenly the idea of a bath didn’t seem so bad. Memories of his cold shower that morning froze him to near death.

Roxas eyed Mr. AS warily.

The man was making some crazy intimate proposals, though. He couldn’t so readily accept… _could he?_

“No! You just want to get into my pants,” he accused forcefully.

It was said more in service of clearing Roxas’ head, and to stop him from giving in.

But what if Mr. AS said yes? 

Excitement sparked.

The man huffed in amusement and trailed his eyes up and down Roxas’ body, making Roxas feel like he was already undressed in front of the stranger.

“Well that’s a given. But I’m in no rush. If it doesn’t happen tonight, it’ll happen another night.”

Roxas swallowed, hard. The vein in his throat pulsated with great force. 

A chilling thrill ran down the length of his body.

He liked that Mr. AS was so honest. But he didn’t like the presumptions.

“Don’t sound so sure of yourself,” growled Roxas. 

It was flattering to be wanted but… “I’m not a conquest for you to win.”

“Mmm, the more you talk like that the more you become one.”

“Fuck you,” spat Roxas.

“You want to already? That was a bit short lived. I was expecting more of a fight,” Mr. AS laughed.

“I’m leaving.”

“Not this again. C’mon, let’s just have a bit of fun -.” A finger landed on Roxas’ lips to shush him as he went to open his mouth. “Ah-ah-ah, before you say it… again, ‘ _no funny business_ ’. I mean it.”

Both men looked at each other sternly.

Roxas jerked his head to the side to get that sizzling finger off his lips, when it started lightly tracing.

“Why does it feel like I have no choice in this?” he glared.

“Well you do. You can leave any time if you set your mind to it.” The man once again looked and sounded very sincere. 

But eyes narrowed and a sly smirk rose, “Yet so far you’re still here. Which means… _something_.” 

Roxas scrunched up his nose in disdain. Mr. AS was right. Roxas _hated_ that.

“Aren’t you curious to see how long it would take me to soften -,” the man chuckled low in his throat, “or _harden_ you up?” 

Those green, smoldering eyes and that cocky, self assuredness grew some sort of a fighting spirit within Roxas. 

He wanted to beat the man at his own smug game. Make _him_ beg Roxas to give it up. Make _him_ squirm.

He pursed his lips and huffed out the metaphoric steam which was rising inside himself. 

“Alright. You’re on. I’ll accept the offer of a bath. But you do _anything_ to me that I don’t want to have happen and I’m gonna make your life hell.”

The smile that spread across the man’s sharp features was definitely predatory this time.

“Alright with me. You want me to wash you, or can I hop in with you?”

The idea of only Roxas being naked unsettled him. If Roxas was going to go through with this then both of them had to be on equal footing.

“You hop in too.”

Roxas watched the cool and sultry outer layer which Mr. AS wore so well, fall away. A triumphant fist pump and hissing ‘ _Yes_ ’, was given.

Roxas swallowed down the smile which threatened to bloom. A whisper of a thought that Mr. AS was really dorky and kinda cute began scratching into his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *stokes the building AkuRoku fire*
> 
> I hope you guys are liking their interaction. I hope it's believable as to why Roxas hasn't punched Axel in the face and run away to safety. I hope him agreeing to the bath feels natural.
> 
> I also hope you guy are enjoying this fic as much as I enjoy writing it.


	5. The Bath

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s hot, it’s wet, and so not what Roxas had in mind when he followed the crazy redhead off the subway.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been _dying_ to share this chapter with you guys.
> 
> Please enjoy. :D

He had been sitting on the bed buzzing with horrendous nerves for the last ten or so minutes while Mr. AS had gone to fill up the bathtub. 

When the redhead returned Roxas had gotten up and went straight for the bathroom, without ever looking up. He closed the bathroom door firmly shut behind himself, leaned against it, and exhaled. Roxas was still coming to terms with the fact that he had accepted this crazy idea. What was _wrong_ with him? Roxas wasn’t the type of person to do things like this. Roxas wasn’t so completely reckless.

Roxas hugged himself and rubbed at his arms nervously. He was _really_ cold. Eyes fell on the steam rising from the bath. Bubbles were piled high and almost spilling over. It looked so inviting.

Roxas glanced around himself. What if there were hidden cameras? What if someone was watching? _Urgh_. If Roxas kept thinking this way he would surely throw up. He quickly peeled his hoodie and shirt off. Skin prickled intensely against the humidity of the air surrounding him. Roxas inspected the room warily.

The bath was in the middle of the room. Rather puny and more box shaped than rectangular. Why was it so small? Could two of them even fit? It would be snug. Too snug.

Roxas focused on breathing. That he could at least do. His eyes drifted to the glass shower in the corner of the room. The light wasn’t too bright. Hopefully if there was any surveillance equipment in here the place was too dingy to pick anything up.

Roxas bit the bullet, unzipped his jeans, slid everything off, threw it towards his other clothes, and jumped into the small bath. It was gloriously hot. His freezing limbs burned against the heat. Roxas sighed. But fear also welled up inside again when he heard a knock and a gentle question of, “ _Is it alright for me to come in now?_ ”

Roxas was of half a mind to not say anything. What would Mr. AS do if Roxas left him stewing out there for a while? Too curious to see how far he could push his luck he stayed silent. Nervous eyes guarded the door. The heat was wonderful though. It soothed and relaxed him more than what he should probably be in his current situation. 

After some more time elapsed that pleasant tone sounded at the door again. “ _This isn’t any fun._ ”

The man sounded like he was pouting. Roxas couldn’t imagine what that must look like on the cocky bastard. A soft laugh actually shook inside of his chest, untangling some of the knots. Roxas acquiesced to the unspoken question… quietly. “Alright. Come in.”

The door opened immediately. Roxas turned away to look ahead of himself. 

Anxiety returned.

“Looks like you’ve gotten yourself quite comfortable. I was getting worried that you were gonna strand me out there." Mr. AS came to a standstill at the end of the bathtub, right in the center of Roxas’ field of vision.

The guy seemed to have a thing for standing right in front of Roxas. But Roxas was in no position to look at feet this time around. Instead he looked up, like he had never been able to on the train.

Eyes settled upon each other. Green smiled. Blue looked on in apprehension.

He couldn’t hold the gaze. Roxas broke and sought refuge gazing at the white bubbles surrounding him. He was so glad to whomever invented the bubble bath. Otherwise Roxas thought he would have died of embarrassment already.

Roxas’ discomfort drew a chuckle out of Mr. AS. The sound made Roxas’ eyes dart up again. But Roxas really wished he hadn’t. Mr. AS was shamelessly undressing right where he stood. Fingers were already halfway down unbuttoning the clinging shirt. Roxas looked away again and started piling the bubbles into a high mound in front of himself as a form of distraction. 

All that ran through Roxas’ head was _‘Shit, shit, shit. I shouldn’t have agreed to this. Shit, fuck. Shit!_ ’ over and over and _over_ again. He was pulled out of his panic though by a hearty laugh from the other man. 

“Mmm, I was right about you. You’re hella cute.”

Roxas felt embarrassed, and huffed indignantly. It only seemed to elicit more laughter from the redhead. He turned his head further to the side when he caught sight of cream body, accentuated by firey red, in his periphery.

He focused on counting the tiles on the wall. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight... Skin squeaked against the fiberglass of the bathtub. Nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen... Roxas felt long legs slide in next to, and against his own. Fourteen, fifteen... The man stretched out and gangly knees breached the surface of the water. Sixteen, seventeen, eight… Toes stroked against Roxas’ sides.

It snapped his attention out of counting. This tub was already too crowded for just Roxas. Having to share it with another person made it even worse. 

“So, come here often,” chuckled the redhead.

His heart was racing. “No, do you?”

“I’ve been to a fair few of these places, yeah,” was the casual response.

Roxas’ eyes darted across to the other man. He saw a pleasant smile directed towards himself. But it did nothing to calm his nerves or the painful pounding in his chest. Roxas cast his eyes aside again. He had begun feeling a bit better when they had been fully clothed, but now… now it was ten times worse than when he had agreed to this whole venture. This was too awkward. This was too creepy and weird. He felt his throat clamp shut. He tried to focus on not throwing up from the discomfort.

“You’re first time ever to a love hotel?”

Roxas gave a weak nod.

“You don’t have to be ashamed, ya know.”

“I’m not,” he spat. He didn’t even know why he was lying about this. Roxas was just really on edge.

The redhead lifted and rested his arm on the tub’s edge, cupping his face with his hand and just looked at Roxas with quirked lips. “Yeah, sure. Your tough guy act’s really cute, ya know?”

Roxas grumbled, “Stop calling me cute.”

“Alright, cutie-pie.”

Roxas huffed. “I’m gonna leave if you don’t fucking stop.”

“Really? You’re gonna get up, right in front of me and waddle your probably cute arse right outta here?”

Roxas had a sinking feeling. Mr. AS was right. Had this all been an elaborate trap? There was a distinct sting behind Roxas’ eyes. His face pulled together in pain.

“Aww, no. No, don’t. I’m sorry.” Mr. AS leaned forward.

Roxas drew in on himself and turned his head sharply to the side when fingertips brushed his cheek.

Roxas flinched even more.

That motion made Mr. AS stop. He muttered another, “Sorry,” and withdrew himself as much as the confined space would allow, giving Roxas some much-needed breathing room.

“I get you’re nervous. Sitting in a tub with a complete strange is pretty intense. It’s not like I make a habit of doing this with people.”

“You… don’t?”

“Nope. You are my first.”

Where Roxas was fully prepared to see a sickeningly lewd smirk, it was actually followed up with a gentle smile. How could that smile simultaneously calm but also stress Roxas out so much?

Quiet filled the room. Bath sounds and breathing echoed and seemed to be amplified. Swirling steam rose and moved with mysterious air currents.

“So, tell me… you always get so snappy when you’re sitting naked in a tub with a guy?" The grin was far more cheeky this time around.

Mr. AS’s attempt at making light of the whole situation wasn’t helping Roxas. His mind fogged over. He had nothing to give Mr. AS bar an indignant huff of disdain.

“These places aren’t so bad if you get over the social stigma.” The redhead continued his efforts to be helpful. “And you know, lots of tourists and students stay in these hotels for layovers,” he chuckled, “while traveling between places, because they are relatively cheap. So don’t think these places are just for _one_ thing. Although they do serve that particular purpose pretty damn well." Mr. AS smiled softly, casting his eyes around the bathroom and occasionally at Roxas' as he spoke.

“I don’t know where _you_ live, but my place has paper thin walls. I don’t really mind listening to my neighbors getting off with each other,” he winked, and Roxas looked away, “but it’s more of a common courtesy to just come to one of these places. I know my roomie’s always kicking me out coz I like to get down and freaky at ' _inconvenient times_ ’,” and Mr. AS actually did air quotes as he said that.

Whether it was the heat from the water, the man’s gentle rumbling tone, or the content of those words Roxas couldn’t say. But he felt himself relax somewhat.

“So these places are a public service. And speaking of service they always deliver the best. You can order so many neat things off their menus. Wide selection of alcohol, to get ya in the mood,” he winked. “Lots of different dishes, both savory and sweet.”

Roxas looked up at the mention of that.

“And a wide array of costumes, fun equipment, endless supply of lubricants, even of the edible variety, and of course lots of different flavors and textures of condoms.”

Roxas’ grew immensely uncomfortable at Mr. AS’s sales pitch.

“Discretion is their motto, so ya don’t have to worry. I’m only ever gonna take you to reputable places.” 

Striking green eyes settled on Roxas once more.

He tensed up again. Roxas wanted to be affronted. He wanted to challenge Mr. AS on that presumptuous statement… but couldn’t. Had he been fully dressed Roxas might have had more fire in himself. But he was naked, exposed, and very hot. He couldn’t find it in himself to keep up a conversation. Maybe if he remained mute this awkward event would draw to a close sooner rather than later. 

“Cat got your tongue?”

Glare.

Amused chuckle. “You’ll get used to me eventually.”

A huff.

“You like me, don’t you.”

Eyeroll.

“Yeah, you totally do.”

Sigh.

“You still feeling cold?”

A shake of the head.

“Good. I’m glad this is helping,” followed up with a sweet smile.

Roxas’ pulse throbbed deep down in his body. Mr. AS just kept smiling at him. Some sort of pleasure seemed to be derived from making Roxas uncomfortable. And it wasn’t very difficult either. Every twitch of muscle and movement of legs made Roxas flinch. He was hyper-aware of even the slightest shift the other man made underneath the water. Roxas didn’t dare to even wiggle his toes because he knew them to be dangerously close to the redhead's crotch. Just thinking about it made Roxas feel hotter with embarrassment. It wasn’t the bath which was making him toasty. It was Mr. AS. Roxas’ mind just wandered and he soon forgot to even hear any of Mr. AS’s other questions or comments.

Time passed. Roxas wasn’t aware of how much, but eventually he felt the legs, which were nestled around him, begin to move and shift. Roxas averted his gaze once more as pale limbs surfaced, and lifted lithe body up and out of the tub. Roxas heard the bemused chuckle and swore he made out the whisper of the word _'cute.'_ He scrunched his nose up in scorn.

As the redhead turned and strutted towards the glass shower in the corner, Roxas chanced a tiny peek at the man’s pale backside. As if knowing what Roxas was doing the man spoke, “Feel free to look all you want, while I rinse off,” with a casual wave over his shoulder. It was a very offhand invite. Like the man truly didn't care either way. Mr. AS’s sole focus seemed to be on getting into the shower and forgetting that Roxas even existed. But the remark still mortified Roxas. He instantly turned himself around in the tub, and faced the other way.

“Heck, you can even join me, if you want. There’s plenty of room,” came the sweet melodious tune, before the sound of the shower turning on drowned it all out again.

Roxas had never known true embarrassment until that day.

* * *

 

The freezing currents of air danced around his clothed body as they parted ways at the subway station that Friday evening. It had only been around one hour but the whole bathroom rendezvous had felt like an eternity.

“Well I don’t know about you, but I definitely enjoyed myself today,” Mr. AS chuckled. “If you ever wanna do this again give me a nudge, ok? - Oh, c’mon, talk to me.”

Roxas remained tight-lipped and looked down the subway tunnel.

“Are you upset with me?”

Silence.

“The promise still stands, you know. No funny business. Until you’re ready for it anyway. I’m up for whatever, whenever you want it. And that doesn’t mean just _sex_.” 

Roxas jumped. That word had been rumbled low, right into Roxas’ ear. Mr. AS grinned like a fool over Roxas’ reaction.

“Another nice soak in a bath or… anything else I can entice you with. Just say the word. Just a bit of fun. That’s all this is, ok?”

Roxas threw him a careful look before returning his eyes onto the train which had pulled in.

Mr. AS shrugged and stepped onto his train. He left Roxas with those words, a wink, and a smile.

Roxas watched the train depart, taking Mr. AS to wherever a man like that went to on a Friday night, after having gotten no sex. Roxas waited for his own train. He contemplated whether he _would_ ever want to do this again. It had been a nice distraction. He certainly had forgotten all about the irritation of work. The bath had also been wonderful, once he could get over the freak-out of doing such a thing with a stranger. 

Roxas only possessed a shower in his dingy apartment. So now he was left with yet another thing to be dismayed about when he arrived back to the unsettling noises which resided inside his walls. The more he reflected on the whole weird scenario the more his fears and anxieties seemed to become ridiculous. Mr. AS had been friendly. Sure… a bit too direct and weird but… not threatening or pushy. Well… not _too_ pushy.

For some reason Roxas couldn’t wait for the weekend to pass fast enough. He found it hard to concentrate on his usual tasks. He did all the things he normally did in his lonely little existence. He tidied up his shabby place, did a week's worth of grocery shopping, worked on some indie projects to keep his skills sharp, and played video games. Roxas also dealt with the added nuisance of having to get his hot water heater fixed, as well as fending off Ventus’ probing and suspicious questions when he called out of the blue, Saturday morning. 

But his mind just kept returning to Mr. AS.

He was so strange. So perverse. So… goofy, and somehow endearing. Roxas felt so cold when his mind wasn’t on the red flame.

* * *

 

The next working week thankfully finally crawled around. 

Nothing changed. 

Glossy business shoes stood in front of him, but gave him more space than Roxas ever remembered having. 

The afternoon commute was much the same, albeit it was pink crocs which gave him ample space now. Roxas didn’t want to seem needy. He managed to hold off until Wednesday before he nudged those stupid baby blue crocs.

The journey down the seedy alleyway was much less anxiety inducing than it had been last week. Maybe it was because he couldn’t take those baby blue crocs seriously, or think of them as even remotely menacing. Hideous, sure. But threatening? Only to good taste. But Roxas still kept his distance from the bright red flame dancing and strutting in front of him. His heart still pounded, and his stomach still churned. But it was manageable.

He watched with forced indifference as the man browsed through the room list from the drop down menu. That casual stance, hand thrust deep in a pocket, hip jutting out to the side, and the way his business attire just hung from him was really… - 

Roxas breathed out deeply, shook his head and rolled his eyes. But he was suddenly startled as red shifted. Mr. AS turned to look at him and tapped at his own ear. Roxas removed his headphones and gave an irritated huff. 

“You got a preference?” were the first words to be uttered to him. 

Roxas shrugged at the man. But adding as an afterthought, “Nothing kinky,” and looked away as green eyes and a snide smirk burned into him.

The room was another pretty normal looking one, with slightly less emphasis on ‘ _seedy_ ’. Possibly less cheap too. It was clean and bright. There was even a desk where to perhaps conduct business on if one wished to do so. Or maybe that was just another place to fuck. 

Roxas shuddered.

“So what do you feel like doing today?” Mr. AS asked while eyeing the bed and licking his lips.

Roxas shook his head when green returned to watch Roxas.

“Aww, I guess this is gonna take a while then, huh? But that’s alright. I’m a patient man,” Mr. AS said solemnly.

They stood in awkward silence. At least Roxas found it awkward. Mr. AS just drank up the sight of Roxas nervously fidgeting. Roxas shuddered and rubbed at his hands. Anxiety was making his fingers even more like icicles. Roxas’ eyes drew towards the other man when he heard the sigh.

“Just make yourself comfortable. I’ll sort out the bath,” Mr. AS spoke casually and wandered through a door.

Roxas beelined for, and threw himself on the bed. He gazed up at the ceiling fan and just breathed. His heart was far cooler than it had been last time. He felt less nauseous. Possibly even slightly calm. What they were doing was still freaky and weird. But at least he now knew what to expect. He actually enjoyed having somewhere to be, rather than heading straight home after work. He liked having company, even if it was pretty deranged company.

The sound of water running filtered into the quiet room. It was soothing and Roxas’ eyes drifted shut. He continued to breathe the calm into himself, feeling the buzzing in his muscles subside with each exhale. He clenched his hands into fists, trying to pump blood into his digits.

This wasn’t so bad. It was peaceful.

Soft humming drifted to his ears. Mr. AS’s tone was delightful. The humming was pleasant. It also… Was… 

_Familiar_.

The longer Roxas listened the more it ate away at him. He _knew_ this song. But he couldn’t put his finger on it. Roxas’ foot mindlessly tapped to the tune. He joined in with the humming quietly.

It sounded like the bath was almost full.

His bladder suddenly felt uncomfortable, like all the gushing of the bathwater had finally caught up to him. It was probably also that large helping of hot chocolate he had indulged in before leaving work. Roxas really needed to use the… _toilet_ …

A stupid grin lit Roxas’ face. Mr. AS was such a dork. “Nice song choice,” teased Roxas when he heard the bathroom door open.

“Oh, you know it?” Mr. AS sounded genuinely surprised and somewhat excited.

“Yeah, unfortunately enough.”

“Aww c’mon, it’s not a bad song. Not at all.”

“I suppose you could have picked much worse ones,” conceded Roxas. “But… why that one?”

“Well once you see the bathroom I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

Roxas was still looking at the ceiling so couldn’t see Mr. AS, but he thought he was beginning to recognize the smirk in his voice.

“That bad, huh?”

“Oh it’s _delightful_.”

Roxas shook with minute laughter. 

The distinct clopping sound of crocs moving around the room filtered to Roxas’ ears. “As delightful as your shoes?” questioned Roxas.

“You like them? They’re surprisingly comfy.”

“Is that why you’ve got so many different ones? I honestly don’t think I’ve seen you wear the same pair more than twice.”

The bed dipped dangerously close to Roxas, making him practically fling himself up and away from that warm body. He didn’t appreciate the reaction he was having towards Mr. AS. That damn buzzing in his stomach erupted every time the redhead was too close.

The other man looked at him with seemingly no care for Roxas’ discomfort. He lay down much like Roxas had been resting only a few moments ago. Hands behind his head, and gazing up into the void. “Well… I enjoy giving you a change of scenery. And I also like to shop.”

Roxas’ heart stuttered with discomfort at the sweetness the man spoke with. He cleared his throat so he could get words out. “Where do you keep all your shoes? You must have a heap of them by now.”

“Oh I recycle or donate most of them after I’ve worn them a couple of times. I only hold on to a few I really like.”

Roxas’ eyes went wide. “What? Really? So every time I see you with a new pair…”

Green eyes focused on Roxas. “Yeah, I usually buy them before I head home. I’m expecting them to give me a loyalty card soon,” laughed the man.

“You have that much money to just waste on a new pair of shoes every couple of days?” That notion astounded Roxas. Money was always something which had been hard to come by for him. His family didn’t ride the poverty line but he still found such wanton consumerism excessively wasteful.

“As I said, I dispose of them thoughtfully, so who cares how I spend my money. Now go get naked and hop into the bath.”

Roxas scoffed, but he also obeyed. “I’m only going because I’m cold… and because I’m curious to see this bathroom. Not because you’re telling me to,” Roxas clarified as he made his way to the other room.

Mr. AS chuckled. “Yup, I got it. You are a strong independent man, and you have my respect. But hurry up, I wanna bathe with you.”

Roxas’ heart thumped in response. As he entered the bathroom the foam was once more threatening to spilling over the thankfully bigger bathtub. Roxas really needed to educate Mr. AS on water displacement. Or maybe the guy just filled it up so much so he could hear when Roxas got in… Roxas shook a little with amusement.

His eyes drifted from the bath and surveyed the bathroom. There was an awful paisley blue geometric floral design on the walls. It reminded him of the appalling old art deco feature walls his grandmother had in her home. Roxas chuckled. God, he felt infinitely better than last week about being in this situation. His eyes found the toilet and his bladder reminded him suddenly of what he had been in such great need of, a little while ago.

Roxas relieved himself. He stared at the dreadful patterns on the wall. They almost begged to be touched. He reached out and ran his fingers across floral swirls. They felt velvety. Who put velvet wallpaper into bathrooms? He shook with quiet laughter. Those stupid song lyrics rolled through his head.

Roxas eventually sunk into the bathtub. He hissed against the delightful warmth. It tingled and burned his freezing limbs. The short amount of pain was worth it for the indulgence that awaited him. As he sunk lower he watched foam and water spill over. Splashes reverberated around the room as the contents of the tub hit the floor. Steam engulfed and surrounded him. He breathed moist air into lungs and sighed.

A knock sounded at the door. 

Roxas remained silent.

A whine came from the other side. “ _Are we doing this again?_ ”

Roxas tried to keep the smile off his face.

Whimpers sounded after a few more moments. “ _What did I do to deserve such neglect? I really don’t get it. I mean… I’m a perfect gentleman to this cute cherub._ ”

A pregnant silence followed. Roxas bit down the urge to reprimand the man for calling him ‘ _cute_ ’. Clearly, the jerk did it on purpose.

“ _You’re not drowning in there, are ya? Coz if you are I’m gonna have to come in and rescue you._ ”

Roxas let up. “No, I’m not drowning.”

“ _Well that’s a relief. Truth be told I’d probably be useless at resuscitating you anyway. Though I think I could be really good at the kiss of life. You wanna try drowning so I can test my theory?_ ”

“No.”

Another whine sounded.

Roxas gave up. The smile was not to be suppressed.

“ _You want me to serenade you through the door?_ ”

“No.”

He did anyway.

 **♪** _Let's lock the door behind us_  
**♪** _They won't find us_  
**♪** _Make the whole world wait_  
**♪** _While we_

 **♪** _Dance around this bathroom_  
**♪** _Like we've only got tonight_  
**♪** _Not about to let you_  
**♪** _Go until the morning light_  
**♪** _You can be my whole world_  
**♪** _If I can be your satellite_ **(1)**

“Please stop,” groaned Roxas.

“ _That didn’t win you over?_ ”

“Not at all.”

“ _What’s a man gotta do to get in there with you, then?”_

“Well, there is… nah. Don’t worry about it.”

“ _Oh, c’mon! What is it?_ ”

“You sure you want to hear this?”

“ _Yes! Yes, yes, yes! A million times ‘yes’._ ”

Quiet laughter rolled through Roxas. “Well - alright. But don’t… don’t flip out or anything, ok?”

“ _Oh I’d never. Nothing fazes me. Lay it on me._ ”

Roxas breathed in dramatically. “You could… just... bare with me here. Suspend your judgement for a moment, ok?”

An impatient groan rattled through the door.

“This might… sound _super_ ridiculous but… I don’t want you to freak out, ok?”

“ _Oh my GOD! Tell me, tell me!_ ” came the eager plea.

“You _sure_ you wanna know?” Roxas could hardly get it out sounding level through his suppressed giggles.

An agonized groan sounded. “ _Yes! Please!_ ”

“Alright. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.” Roxas let silence settle for a beat and then said, “You could try asking.” 

“ _Eh?_ ”

The amusement broke free ad Roxas laughed loud and clear.

“ _Oh my god. You totally had me on a leash then._ ” A chuckling groan sounded through the door. “ _Can I ‘come’ in_?”

“Mmmm…”

“ _Pleeeeaaase? I know you can’t see it but I’m begging over here. On my knees and everything._ ”

“Can you make it sound any less lewd?”

“ _What? That wasn’t lewd._ ”

“It was.”

 _“Fine. How about, ‘I would really like to ‘enter’ you - I mean the room’._ ”

Roxas’ heart thumped hard. This guy... “You can stay out there,” Roxas said sternly.

 _“No, wait, third time's the charm. ‘I humbly ask for your permission to allow me entry into the beautifully patterned room beyond this door. I would dearly love to bathe with you. Please accept my most sincerest apologies for any offense I may have caused’._ ”

Roxas was actually surprised at the over the top attempt. He remained silent for a few beats before relenting. “Alright, come in.”

The door opened and a loud sigh of relief entered. “Geez that took some effort.”

Roxas turned his head and followed the man as he ventured further into the bathroom. He had momentarily forgotten that he was naked… in a tub… . But it was all brought back now. Some of the nervousness returned to Roxas.

“You really had me going there for a while,” Mr. AS laughed.

Roxas cracked a smile. Chuckles still rattled through him lightly. The smile the redhead offered up quickly chased away Roxas’ amusement and stoked the nerves. Roxas felt like he should say something. His mouth opened, but no words came out. He closed his mouth again.

Mr. AS seemed to notice Roxas’ discomfort. The man shifted his gaze, giving Roxas some reprieve. “What you think of the decor?”

Now that was something Roxas could find the words to talk about. “It’s…” Roxas’ eyes wandered around the room. The man discarded his blazer. The motion drew Roxas in. His eyes settled and fixed themselves on Mr. AS, “Definitely a sight.”

Mr. AS threw Roxas a sidelong glance and smirked in satisfaction.

**♪ __**_Look at the beautiful patterns that form on the wall_  
**♪ __** _Stick out your finger to trace them just look at them all,”_ Mr. AS waxed lyrically, before casting a hard eye onto Roxas. “Did you _touch_ the wall?”

“N-no,” Roxas lied. He wasn’t sure why he had lied. Maybe it was because everything out of Mr. AS’s mouth felt like a double entendre. 

Mr. AS’s lips pursed and he eyed Roxas skeptically. Business shirt slowly became unpicked. “You sure? Coz… how could you _not_ want to _touch_ that? It’s so _velvety_ and _soft_ ,” Mr. AS said in a salacious and breathy tone. Long fingers kept elegantly unbuttoning. Digits pushed and ran down the rapidly unveiling flesh below.

The more Roxas’ eyes lingered the slower Mr. AS went. Roxas couldn't help himself though. It was mesmerizing to watch buttons getting teased through holes and fabric being flicked aside. And then when fingers trailed down that increasingly exposed chest... Roxas swallowed and quickly looked away. He had been completely sucked into Mr. AS's show and the man was completely feeding off it if that smug smile meant anything.

Grumpily, Roxas said, “I didn’t coz… I got locked up with a jerk in a -”

**♪** _"Rock 'n' roll toilet."_ **(2)**

Both men had sung the line simultaneously with a lot of energy. 

“You really _do_ know the song,” laughed Mr. AS.

Nerves eased again and Roxas chuckled. An easy smile settled on his lips. The more they did silly things like this the more comfortable Roxas felt. “I told you I did. Why would I lie about something as awful as that?” 

“Oh I don’t know. Maybe to endear yourself to me.”

Roxas huffed indignantly. The smile which had sat on his face was quickly chased away, as Mr. AS’s still laughing and now incredibly _naked_ form slipped into the tub opposite himself. More water and foam flowed over the lip of the bath. Roxas gulped. The tension flared violently. Being naked together was anxiety-inducing.

His eyes fell back onto the man once he was sufficiently submerged. Roxas’ lips cracked into an involuntary smile. A poor attempt to stifle his laugh netted Roxas a pout from the other man. Mr. AS’s hair was tied up into a bun. It looked ridiculous. “Nice look,” teased Roxas.

“Thanks.” The pout turned into a grin.

Legs sidled in snug next to Roxas’ body once more. But this time they stretched out all the way. Toes slowly rubbed against Roxas’ hip bones and along his waist. His heart was beating too fast for what was comfortable. The other man just rested his elbow on the bathtub lip, cradling his chin in hand and looked at Roxas through half-lidded eyes.

Roxas really couldn’t stand the way this man was looking at him. It made him shiver. He felt incredibly... creeped out. Why was he even here again? Roxas found that the biggest mystery of all.

“You seem to be in a better mood today,” Mr. AS smiled.

“Mood’s got nothing to do with it,” muttered Roxas.

“Oh? Is it the bathtub? Does it unnerve you to be sitting naked in a tub with a complete stranger? Or is it my incredible good looks?”

Roxas glanced and rolled his eyes at the man who was all grins. “It’s pretty weird, if you ask me. This isn’t what normal, well adjusted people do I’m pretty sure,” muttered Roxas. Last time he had been barely able to focus on anything this crazy man had talked about. But he possessed more courage this time around. Despite everything he still felt more at ease. 

“You know there’s whole cultures that spend a lot of their time doing this.”

“Communal bathing is different to _this_ ,” defended Roxas.

“No it’s not.”

“Yes it is.”

“How?”

“Well... for one… it’s… communal. Lots of people.”

“What if it’s early in the morning or late at night and there’s just two people in there? Does it become overtly sexual then?”

“Ah… I… guess not?”

A smug, self satisfied smirk lit Mr. AS’s face. “Just admit it. The bathing isn’t the problem.”

“Oh I definitely know that _you_ are the problem,” Roxas shot back with confidence.

“Because I make you uncomfortable with my handsomeness and the knowledge that I’m wearing down your resolve.” Teeth showed.

“God, you’re such a deviant,” groaned Roxas.

The man laughed heartily, causing the water to rise and fall. “That’s rich coming from you.”

“Hey!” Roxas was affronted.

“What? You’re the one who accepted the invite from me. So what’s that make _you_ then?” the man cooed sweetly.

“But you’re the one who came up with this crazy idea. I was banking on you being _normal._ ”

The sultry laugh reverberated around the water. “ ‘ _Normal_ ’... don’t make me laugh any harder. I honestly never expected you to take me up on this offer. I just threw it out there to gauge what kind of a guy you were. Clearly not ‘ _normal_ ’, turns out.”

“What?” Roxas choked out.

“Yeah, you heard me,” Mr. AS laughed. “You’re just as crazy as me. And I’m glad about that. I really like doing this with you.” Nose scrunched up with an adorable grin.

“I think that’s a bit harsh, calling me crazy. I’m nowhere near as mental as you,” rejected Roxas.

“Did you know that the difference between crazy and sane people is that crazy people don’t know they’re crazy?” Mr. AS winked.

Roxas opened his mouth wide in feigned shock. It made Mr. AS shake with laughter, and in turn made Roxas’ mouth close up again in a smile. “But really… I was _expecting_ you to be normal,” Roxas continued.

“What gave you the impression I would ever be ‘ _normal’_?” 

It actually seemed like that word left a bad taste in Mr. AS’s mouth, now that they were being a little more serious.

Roxas opened his mouth to say something… but words failed him for a moment. 

...

He had to really think about it. “I… guess… All that peacocking with your shoes... You always pushing yourself into my face… Maybe I should have known better than to ever think you could be normal. What’s with all that stuff anyway?”

“You gave me no other choice.”

“Bullshit. You’re just an insane pervert. You should come with a clause attached before people decide to go with you. I… probably shouldn’t even be here right now…”

“No need to resort to name calling. I’m hardly _insane_. Perverted, sure. I’ll wear that. But insane? Nah!”

“How are you _not_ insane? Doing all those things you did. For a whole year, might I add. You know what the definition of insanity is?” 

“ ‘ _Doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result_.’ So? What’s your point? Aren’t we here right now? Bathing together?” Mr. AS seemed positively delighted at all the wins he was making in their verbal jousting match.

Roxas grumbled in the back of his throat.

“Yeah, you know I’m right,” Mr. AS boasted gleefully. “But tell me… if I hadn’t done that, how should I have gone about getting your attention?”

“You know, talk to me, instead of running me over all the time, and standing pervertedly close, and wearing weird shoes,” Roxas answered in a slight sulk.

“I tried _normal_ things like talking to you, ya know. You never responded. You never looked up.”

Roxas gave a small snort.

“Oh c’mon! You never gave me a chance so I could woo you with my award-winning smile,” Mr. AS flashed him a super cheesy, toothy smirk. 

Roxas couldn’t keep the laugh from spilling out. “Award-winning… sure,” he drawled.

That seemed to satisfy the redhead. “It actually was a laugh like that which gave me hope that you weren’t just a zombie. Once I made you laugh with my shoes I knew I was onto a winning strategy. I couldn’t communicate with you, but I could make you laugh. So that was a pretty great day for me,” the man reflected fondly.

Roxas felt embarrassed and found it strange that this guy seemed to crave Roxas’ attention so much. “It’s still pretty weird,” he muttered and played with some of the foam floating atop of the water.

“I’m not fazed by weird. Especially if it gets me what I want. You should really praise my ingenuity. You were always shutting the world out with your headphones. What was I supposed to do?”

Roxas shrugged. There was probably some truth to Mr. AS’s complaints.

“Quite frankly you should thank me.”

“Thank you?” Roxas frowned, incredulously.

“Yeah. How can you ever expect to meet the world if you bury your head like that?”

“Why do you think I want to meet the world? Maybe I’m trying to drown it out. Did that occur to you?”

“Mmm, no one who has ever met the world wants to drown it out. And even those who haven’t seen it yet are curious to know what they are missing out on.”

“What could I possibly be missing out on?”

“Me!”

Roxas rolled his eyes and turned his head away from the presumptuous jerk.

It only seemed to egg the man on though. “If you didn’t want to meet the world then you would have continued to ignore me. If you were happy in your music-filled-shoegazing bubble we wouldn't be sitting here right now - being weird together.”

“I didn’t come here for life lessons. I didn’t come here to be told what I do and don’t want out of my own life by a complete stranger,” snapped Roxas.

“Geez. Touchy, aintcha.” 

The man scooped up some of the foam and blew it towards Roxas, who only glared at him.

“What _did_ you come here for then, hmm? You’re not here for sex - not yet anyway,” he winked, and Roxas breathed deep to fight down the urge to punch the creep.

The longer Roxas stayed here the less he knew why he had ever accepted the crazy offer. He didn’t like all these questions. He didn’t like that he had no answers. A pout was all he had to give.

Mr. AS gave a slight groan and bit at his bottom lip.

Roxas’ brows furrowed and lips pushed back into a tight line.

“Alright then, if you won’t talk, I’ll talk for you. You came here because you want me. You might not know it yet but you will eventually. And you want me because I am _weird_ and _this is weird_.” The man patted the edge of the bathtub, causing a metallic thud to reverberate around the small room. 

“I like normal, thank you very much,” defended Roxas.

“Yeah right!” was the sarcastic retort. “This is fun and different. Your life is boring and predictable. Probably in a dead end job, full of dead end people. And trust me, kid, I know what that’s like because that’s been my life too. Doing _normal_ things is boring. It never allows you to meet anyone but the same old boring people living their own boring lives.”

Roxas’ pulse raced.

“But what we’re doing right now is weird. It’s exciting. And only a special breed of people would do this. So to properly answer your question from the other day - I want _you_ because _you_ are unconventional and weird, like me.”

A crazy shiver ran down Roxas’ spine. “I’m not.”

A disbelieving eyebrow quirked at Roxas. “This is the second time you’ve come and done this with me. You wouldn’t have if you didn’t find last time enjoyable in some way. So that’s all I really need to know about you. You make my day exciting. I can’t wait to finish and leave my tired job, so I can see if today will be the start of another exciting evening spent doing something weird with you.” Mr. AS fell silent, stretching out more and resting his head on the lip of the bathtub. He sighed in contentment. 

Roxas felt the legs around his waist give a small squeeze. Roxas sat still for a while. He tried to get his racing heart under control. He tried to ignore the way those toes were tickling his sides. He tried to focus on the words Mr. AS had spoken. They rang true to some extent. Roxas had wanted something different out of his life. That’s why he had moved to this city, after all. To make something of himself. To meet new people. He seemed to be failing in both those pursuits however. 

Though he had met this weirdo, so at least he wasn’t a massive and complete failure, he supposed. But the man’s words were also irritating. Irritating at how close they hit to home. “Maybe…” Roxas muttered quietly under his breath.

“Hmm?” Head raised up and eyes focused on Roxas in curiosity.

“Maybe being a little bit weird isn’t so bad,” mumbled Roxas.

Mr. AS’s face lit up gently.

The silence stretched out. Steaming heat rose. The gentle splash of water sounded as both men shifted from time to time. Mr. AS just sighed more as the tension of the day seemed to drain out of him. Sweat beaded his brows and he occasionally wiped at his face.

“This is nice, ya know. Just sitting and relaxing. I don’t get to do this very often.”

“It is nice to get a bit of a timeout,” agreed Roxas.

Mr. AS hummed in his throat. “The view’s also pretty good. And I don’t _just_ mean the wallpaper.”

Roxas rolled his eyes.

“You sure I can’t call you cute? Coz that’s what constantly comes to mind when I see you.”

“God, you’re sickening.” Roxas’ heart felt mildly elated though.

“Thanks,” was the pompous response, followed by a charming smile.

Roxas’ breath hung in his chest. Eyes cast aside, but not for very long. He felt drawn to look at that face. There was something hidden underneath, just below green eyes. Roxas hadn’t seen it before in the dim lights, last week.

The redhead seemed to take notice of Roxas’ interest in him. “It’s alright for you to look. In fact,” the man, much to Roxas’ horror, hooked his feet behind Roxas and pulled him towards himself. Skin squeaked against the bottom of the bath. It was sharp. Loud. But ended quickly.

Roxas cried out in protest, but it hadn’t accomplished anything. Water slapped furiously against the edges and lapped over the top of the tub. Roxas’ heart beat wildly. His legs ended up tucked and folded against Mr. AS’s chest. Their faces were much too close. Roxas leaned back, trying to push himself away. But the long legs had crossed behind Roxas’ back, trapping him in place. Roxas was held securely, but not too tightly. 

“W-what the hell are you doing?”

“I want you to take a closer look.” The man returned to his previous resting position - elbow on the lip of the bathtub, and head cradled in hand. Green eyes remained cool and calm, but a hint of amusement danced on the edges, creasing eyes and mouth.

Roxas was _not_ comfortable with having his toes crammed in between the bottom of the bathtub and the other man’s buttock. He didn’t want to focus on what other things he could feel pressing against his legs either. His heart was hammering against his chest with ferocity. “I’m not alright with this. You said ‘ _no funny business’_. That’s a _direct_ quote. I’m gonna sue you. I know you have plenty of money to throw around on shoes and things.” Roxas tried to cover up his nerves in desperation, but knew he was failing miserably.

The redhead just smiled with more strength, and hummed with approval. “I’m glad you’ve got more words and spunk in you than last week. It’s nice. Means your getting more comfortable with me,” there he winked, which elicited a disgruntled huff from Roxas. 

He attempted a more forceful push against the other man’s chest, in a half hearted bid to free himself.

“Don’t be like that. I mean what I said. This isn’t ‘ _funny business_ ’. We’re being _weird_ together, and this,” the man squeezed Roxas’ sides gently with his thighs, “is me satisfying your curiosity.”

“More like you’re trying to satisfy yourself.”

“An unfortunate side effect of satisfying you,” came the response in a low-set rumble. 

It shot straight to Roxas’ groin. Roxas did his best to breathe through the heat. He settled down, and worked on relaxing against the other man’s body.

They stayed like that for a while. Nothing suspicious was happening. It was kind of nice, being enveloped by so much warmth. It was nice to feel another human being against him, after so much isolation.

“You’re sweating a lot,” Roxas observed .

“It’s really damn hot in here,” laughed Mr. AS and shrugged casually.

“You told me you don’t like being so hot. Is… is this alright for you?” Roxas questioned, genuinely concerned.

“See, I knew you’d warm up to me.”

Roxas threw him a sarcastic look.

A small chuckle was followed by words, “I’m fine. I actually like having you pressed up like this. You still feel cooler.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

“Don’t worry about me. I don’t make a habit of doing things I don’t want to do.”

“Well okay then,” Roxas muttered. His eyes drifted around the room before focusing back on that distinct face. He allowed himself the time and space to actually _really_ look at the crazy businessman with a weird shoe buying fetish. 

Mr. AS’s smile broadened the longer Roxas looked.

A wet hand tentatively emerged out of the water after a few moments. Roxas gingerly pressed his fingertips against the other man’s face. _So soft_. _So warm_.

When there came no sudden movement or show of disapproval, Roxas thumbed over delicate skin underneath green eyes with more confidence. He felt the other man’s soft cheek rise as that genuine smile intensified. Roxas rubbed a bit at the faint dark mark he had spotted. The more he rubbed, the darker the mark seemed to become.

 _Strange_.

Curiosity got the better of him and he lifted his other hand out of the water to do the same to the man’s other cheek. Roxas moistened his fingers some more with the bathwater and continued to rub the redhead’s face clean. His thumbs worked over those marks with some force. It seemed to cause the other man delight. He shook with quiet laughter. 

The arm which was supporting the redhead vanished over the side of the bathtub and promptly returned with a washcloth. The man dipped it into the bathwater and handed it to Roxas. “Here. This might make it easier.”

“Thanks.” Roxas focused on his duty until both dark purple inverted teardrop marks were revealed. Roxas stopped his handiwork. He dropped the cloth on his knees, and just cocked his head to the side, surveying the man in front of him.

 _Shit_.

Intense shivers ran through Roxas. The butterflies began dancing. He swallowed them down, along with his surprise.

“Why’re you looking at me like that?”

“How -,” Roxas squeaked and fell silent.

“How did I get these?” the man brushed a finger over his cheek, seeming confused. “I went to a tattoo parlor. It’s what the cool kids do.”

Roxas scrunched up his nose and gently thumped his fist against the redhead's shoulder. “No. I’m not that dumb. I know what tattoos are and how people get them, geez.”

“Then _‘how’_ what?” was the laughing reply.

Roxas’ heart rose to his throat, making him terribly uncomfortable. He attempted to change the subject. “So you put makeup on to cover them up?”

Mr. AS hummed in confirmation, but cocked his eyebrow and quirked his lips, “But _‘how’_ what?” he pushed again, seeming unwilling to let Roxas’ remark slide. Green eyes stared at him intensely, almost in knowing amusement.

“Of course your work wouldn't approve. I know the corporate world’s got some stringent rules on how they want their employees to present themselves.”

Mr. AS huffed in amusement. “Yeah, you’re right. But what work doesn't know won’t get me fired.”

“Why take the risk though? Why decide to tattoo your face? I mean... It’s _your_ _face_. Everyone sees that. Seems a bit stupid. Extremely limiting regarding your employability,” Roxas felt a deep shame well up inside for channelling his parents so much. But he seriously wanted to deflect the conversation away from himself.

“Aren't we a little judgemental,” Mr. AS huffed, still seeming amused. “Bit rich coming from a guy who’s having a bath with a complete stranger,” he teased.

Roxas scrunched his face up.

“No? Nothing to come back at me with?”

Roxas shook his head.

“Well that’s no fun,” sighed the man in some exasperation.

With a shrug of shoulders Mr. AS continued, “I was feeling extra rebellious. That’s all I can tell you.”

“Extremely short-sighted, more like it,” muttered Roxas.

Mr. AS winced. “Oh burn me more why don’t ya?”

Roxas felt bad. “I -I…”

“It’s alright. It’s really cute actually.”

Mr. AS was met with a glare, which only caused the man to grin before continuing, “It’s adorable that you already care so much about me.”

“I don’t. I don’t give two shits about you.”

“Oh that hurts. But lucky for us we don’t need to care for each other to still have a good time,” he winked and gently squeezed Roxas’ sides with his thighs.

Roxas pushed against the legs.

“Just relax, would ya?” Mr. AS’s tone changed slightly. Something akin to exasperation.

“Stop with the smooth talk.”

“Why? Is it getting you all worked up?”

Roxas growled.

The man laughed. “Ok, ok. Back on topic I guess. Hmm... my tattoos aren’t anything makeup can’t cover up. You only caught sight of them because the steam and water was melting the makeup off. But _‘how’_ what? I’m not letting it go,” he smirked.

That tattooed face loomed large in front of Roxas. The legs which were wrapped behind him pushed Roxas even further towards the man’s chest. The air was forced from Roxas’ lungs, squeezing a small moan out of him. Mr. AS’s tongue darted out and quickly moisten his lips in lust. “Mmm, make that sound again,” he urged in a low rumble.

Roxas’ heart started its marathon once more. He rested his pruning hands on his knees and turned his face ever so slightly away. An expression of discomfort tainted Roxas’ face. He gave a sidelong stare into pools of green.

Roxas groaned inwardly. Despite the bath having a scent all it’s own, Roxas could still smell the man’s cologne. Maybe it wasn’t cologne, but the shampoo he used? Random red spikes fell out of the bun, framing green and purple in ways which made Roxas’ stomach tighten. Much to his distress it also made a strong pulse run down the length of his shaft. Roxas had desperately been trying to ignore the telltale throb in his penis, but it was becoming too much. The heat of the water - the heat of the man - the heat within Roxas’ body was all becoming too much.

“How what?” came another low rumble out of that throat. 

It sent a bolt down Roxas’ spine. Roxas felt himself giving in to the touch, the smell, the sound, the heat. “H- how,” Roxas swallowed the lump and swirling anxiety, “do you manage to look even _more_ sexy with your tattoos,” was the labored, slow, and quiet response.

A deep and pleased moan reverberated through the redhead’s body. Roxas could feel it through his legs, which were firmly pressed against the redhead’s chest. Legs squeezed around Roxas and hips bucked against legs. Hard and hot flesh pressed against Roxas, which made Mr. AS moan a little deeper. Green eyes turned predatory, lingering over Roxas’ lips. Roxas was surveyed, with a lot of hunger. A flash of tongue flicked over now exposed teeth.

Roxas peeled his eyes off the man. It all just served to make him feel even more uncomfortable. Roxas felt stupid and reckless. He was twenty-five for crying out loud. He should be halfway to a career, and thinking of settling down with a girl. He should be planning his boring and normal life. He shouldn’t be engaging in weird acts with this weird guy.

The sensation of rough fabric on Roxas’ shoulder yanked him out of his internalized parental voice. Roxas snapped his head towards his shoulder to see that Mr. AS was using the washcloth on him. The motion was slow and gentle. Roxas’ head began to swim with warmth and the care which was showered upon him. Washcloth maneuvered down Roxas’ arms, over his chest, up his neck, and eventually over Roxas’ face. 

“Stop doing that,” Roxas muttered.

“You really want me to?” asked Mr. AS gently.

That baritone rumbled through Roxas in all the right ways. “No,” he breathed in reply.

Roxas felt like putty as a hand stroked the back of his neck. The light touch ran up and pushed into his hairline. An insanely intense shiver ran down Roxas’ spine. Long fingers continued their trek through Roxas’ hair. When the rubbing and massaging started along his scalp Roxas could barely stifle the moan. His body started feeling heavy. Holding his head up became a chore. He slumped forward, resting arms on knees. His head sunk down as the stroking continued. “It feels so nice... don’t stop,” he muffled into his arms. 

Legs gently squeezed around, holding Roxas snug and securely. He was engulfed in such foreign warmth. It was incredibly comforting. Eyelids became impossibly heavy. They drooped and closed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **(1)** \- Song Credit - _[Satellite](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOcjvNzMb3s)_ \- by **Nickleback**  
>  **(2)** \- Song Credit - _[Rock 'N' Roll Toilet](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kSdkrzqI8m0)_ \- by **The Soft Boys**
> 
> I don't _care_ what you think! Nickleback is AWESOME! :p
> 
> And some fanart that was made for the fic by a lovely reader. - You can see it [BY CLICKING HERE](https://creamypudding.tumblr.com/post/158858997711/promptosfreckle-little-something-inspired-by)


	6. Common Sense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas has a freak-out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Language warning, I guess. Language warning for like most chapters.
> 
> And... _possible_ trigger warning. This might be a bit iffy for people who've ever gone to sleep in one place and woken up somewhere else and been like ' _wtf happened?_ '

Roxas drifted on soft clouds. Time… what was that? It had no meaning. He was so comfortable, relaxed, happy. Everything felt _nice_. What had he been doing just moments ago? Did it even matter? Yet a cold chill scratched at Roxas’ awareness, pulling him out of his slumber. A deeper freeze encroached and bit into his limbs, pulling him down and off his cloud. The warmth which had resonated inside himself snuffed out.

Eyes snapped open. Darkness engulfed him. Silent static buzzed in ears. His breath caught in his chest. Whites of eyes flashed. 

This wasn’t his ceiling.

Roxas launched into a sitting position. His heartbeat hammered to life with great force. Where was he? Eyelids opened wider with horror. There had been… water… heat… _red_. He had just been in the bathtub with… _Mr. AS_. 

Roxas looked around himself in bewilderment. The small room was empty and quiet. Roxas became aware of his body. He looked down. Thin sheets covered him. But… hold on a moment. Hadn't he been -. 

Ice cold tendrils of panic slithered and crawled through his core and up his back. Roxas was fully dressed. Why was he fully dressed?! Skin crawled with mortification. What _happened_? How had he been so completely dead to the world to not have woken up?

“Hey!” Roxas shouted. His throat caught and hung on a name he had never learned. Irritation welled; at himself, at that man, at his situation. Roxas’ face turned up in gruff anger. He shouted louder, “Hey, _pervert_!” It felt good to have a name to insert into that uncomfortable gap.

Yet there was no response. 

Roxas yanked back covers and got up. But he stopped. Something felt… weird. He looked down. That wasn’t right… were… his jeans on backwards? A soft huff rolled out of Roxas’ chest, rattling the tight discomfort inside himself.

What an idiot.

He slipped them off and fixed himself up before he stomped towards the bathroom. He flung the door wide open, hearing it smack against the doorstop. It violently returned towards Roxas. He stopped it with his arm. Roxas glared into the empty and dark room before him. The softness which had momentarily eased him burned away. A sickening nervousness billowed forth. He slammed the door shut behind himself and stood in the quiet. 

Mind raced. 

Limbs began to tremble.

Did anything… _happen_? 

Had the guy… Roxas swallowed the hard lump in his throat. His stomach was hard as a rock. The nerves erupted. Terror seized him. He patted himself down, checking if anything felt amiss or hurt. Hands landed on hips. His eyes widened. Everything clenched up. Hand, like lightning, thrust deep into his briefs. Fingers ran over his most intimate parts, checking for… he didn't know what. 

He wasn’t sore. There was no strange moisture of any kind. Everything seemed to check out… But… if there _was_ anything else he should be watching out for he didn't know. Roxas cast his gaze onto the clock above the door.

1:38am.

 _Fuck_.

Roxas grabbed his bag, which seemed to have been moved and lined up neatly with his shoes. Eyes narrowed. With racing heart he made sure his phone, wallet, and electronics were still there. If he had been robbed he was so screwed. But once again everything seemed to check out. Roxas breathed heavily. Shoes slipped on and laces were tucked instead of tied. Roxas just _needed_ to get out of there. Right. _Now._ He bolted out of the room towards the subway station.

People were still out. People were _always_ still out. He ignored everyone and everything. He tried to hold himself together while his train hurtled towards its final destination, and Roxas’ neighborhood.

His mind wouldn’t stop racing. Green and red wouldn’t stop flashing. He felt so _sick_.

Roxas’ tears spilled by the time he reached his apartment. He felt so fucking stupid. The guy could have done _anything_ to him. But… he… _hadn’t_ … had he? Roxas didn’t think so. But his privacy had been horrendously violated. That guy had seen him completely naked. The guy had _dressed_ him. And incorrectly too. There no longer was any amusement to be gained from reflecting on that situation.

Instead a creeped out shiver ran through Roxas’ being like nails down a blackboard. He felt so disgusted with himself, and the pervert. That fucking shithead had left Roxas there in the dark and cold! Without any explanation. All the effort that fuckwit had gone to in order to seem nice and charming had been for show. His true colors had been revealed. He was an abhorrently depraved fraud. 

That boiled Roxas’ blood the most.

* * *

 

He hadn’t gotten any sleep once he had arrived home. Too worked up and raging, Roxas’ only option was to let his anger out by shooting the crap out of other online players in a video game.

When morning finally broke and Roxas’ alarm screeched to life he peeled off the lounge. Blearily Roxas stumbled through his morning routine. An extra helping of very strong coffee had been the only difference. As he made his way towards the subway Roxas had half a mind of getting onto a different carriage. But he was too tired to make the switch. Thinking felt too hard, so he left himself on autopilot. Feet took him down his usual route, onto his usual carriage and into his usual seat.

Fatigue engulfed him. He slumped down and dozed off.

Roxas startled out of his slumber. Head darted around in bewilderment. A knock at his feet. Roxas’ stomach dropped. Glossy business shoes were happily nudging him. Roxas huffed and shrunk in on himself, away from that fucking bastard. He hunched down deeper into his hoodie and ignored him.

The afternoon commute was much the same. Mr. AS stood stupidly in front of him, tap, tap, tapping.

Roxas’ teeth grit. He decided he wasn’t going to move. He continued to scorn the man. He wasn’t going to let that freak impact Roxas’ life. But that bastard _was_ impacting his life, as much as Roxas resented admitting it.

Roxas had silently fumed all weekend and not accomplished anything. Not even any of his favorite retro games brought him any joy. It was that bastard’s fault that Roxas was feeling this way. He had been used. Made fun of. _Embarrassed_. Possibly _abused_ even. Roxas felt sick thinking about it.

That pompous asshole wouldn't let up though. He wouldn't get the hint that Roxas was _done_. He was over it, _and_ that asshole.

Glossy business shoes continued to loiter. Continued to nudge and prod. Each gentle push felt like a hammer slamming against him. Roxas’ tolerance depleted rapidly. He was beginning to boil over.

It was during an insignificant afternoon rush hour that it finally happened. The smug prick had sidled in _way_ too close to Roxas. He was practically between his legs. It was perverse. Roxas’ face had drawn ever tighter. His body clenched and coiled. The broiling inferno inside stoked with each bump and push. And then the final explosive material had been thrown into the raging and flaming cauldron of Roxas’ belly. The guy had the _audacity_ to lift one of Roxas’ headphone cups off to give a breathy “ _Hey”_. 

Roxas snapped. The volcano erupted. He knocked that arrogant hand away. He launched up off his plastic seat, causing the other man to reel back. They were chest to chest. Roxas craned his neck to look into wide-with-shock green eyes. Roxas wished he could breath fire. He wanted to scorch him to a thin crisp.

“ _Fuck off!”_ he bellowed at the top of his lungs. 

Mr. AS flinched. It was satisfying. His shout blanketed the carriage in deathly nervous silence though. Roxas shoved past the cocksucking fuckead. He bowled through startled crowds and squeezed through closing train doors.

The humid but cooler air of the large subway station hit Roxas’ face. He huffed, he fumed. He spun around, glaring. Blue daggers were thrown towards the wide-with-surprise green eyes staring at him through the window. 

Roxas’ hateful glare remained until the train vanished into the tunnel. He was shaking with fury. It had gotten too stuffy in there. Embarrassment had nauseated him. He had needed to escape. He couldn’t live with himself and the thought of sharing that space with his fellow commuters for the remaining half an hour train ride.

How _dare_ that guy just pretend like everything was fine. How _dare_ he be so friendly towards Roxas. What an _asshole_ for thinking Roxas would continue whatever weird thing they had been doing. What an egotistical blight on the face of the planet.

Roxas had worked up his rage so hard by the time he entered his apartment that he threw his satchel bag across the room with as much ferocity as he could muster. He screamed into the void. Guttural and raw. It felt satisfying. The _thud_ his bag made felt satisfying. He banged doors, he stomped like he was in a marching band. Pillows were thrown and his lounge was belted with angry fists. 

He locked himself in his bathroom and turned the shower tap to scorching hot. Roxas fumed in the tiny bathroom. He scoured himself clean of that pricks scent. He boiled himself until his fingers turned pink and hot water tank had been depleted.

Once Roxas emerged, leaving a billowing steam cloud in his wake, he felt far more mellow. Yet he huffed in irritation at seeing the mess his rage had left behind. All the contents had scattered and spilled along the flight path his bag had taken in its brief aviation history. He’d need to clean that up. He went to inspect the wall first, to make sure no lasting marks or dents had been left behind. Otherwise that would have to come out of his bond. Lucky for Roxas the wall seemed fine.

Pillows were returned to the lounge, his coffee table was straightened up and the contents of the bag were slowly collected. Pens, markers, papers, electronics. All were gathered up and checked for damage. Roxas was relieved that he hadn’t managed to crack the screen of his tablet. He really should have thought more before unleashing his fury on the bag. But thinking clearly while he raged wasn’t something Roxas was well known for.

Roxas wondered how he had accumulated so much junk in his bag. He looked through the stacks of papers. Nothing but old reports and to-do lists. He should really load that stuff onto his tablet instead of wasting paper and trees, he chastised himself. So Roxas scrunched up one piece of junk after the other, making a game of tossing it expertly into his wastepaper basket by the front door.

After a few minutes of sorting through his junk in this manner, Roxas stumbled across a small note in a handwriting which he didn’t recognize as his own.

It read - __

* * *

_‘Hey Blondie, (I should probably get your name one of these days, huh :p )’_

_‘Look, I gotta go. I really don’t want to, but I have to. My dumb roomie sent me a message saying he’s locked himself out (a-fucking-gain). So I need to go and rescue shit-for-brains. So many damsels to rescue. A prince's job is never done.’_

_‘Please don’t think I abandoned you. I tried waking you, but you’re harder to rouse than Sleeping Beauty.’_

_‘So I’m gonna leave you to keep sleeping. You look too peaceful anyway. I took the liberty of dressing you, coz you started feeling really cold (not that I was feeling you up on purpose or anything like that).’_

_‘And I didn’t touch you any more than I needed too (well maybe I gave you a small fondle ;) ) so please, please, please don’t have a freak-out. Again, sorry to leave you like this. Believe me, I’d love nothing more than to sleep with you ;) but duty calls. :( ’ _

_‘I paid for the room in full btw, so you should be fine to stay here till morning.’_

_‘I really wanna keep being weird with you. Gimme a nudge, ok?’_

_‘See ya in a few hours!’_

_‘Axel - (that’s my name btw)’_

_‘PS. You got a really cute ass. ;)’_

* * *

 

Roxas’ pulse throbbed in the pit of his stomach. His heart began pumping with ferocity. He fingered his lips in shock. He read the note three more times, each time feeling a little bit worse from guilt, shame and embarrassment. He had blown up for no good reason. He groaned in sheer agony.

How could he ever face that man - _Axel_ \- again? 

Roxas looked at the note _again_. He looked at the way that name had been written. Angular and spiky, just like his hair. But with a soft flourishing squiggle underneath, just like that man's smile. Roxas felt his heart beat faster with something other than the negative feelings he had been experiencing.

His phone rang, eliciting a loud yelp of startled shock from Roxas. He scrambled up to find where he had dumped the wailing banshee.

When he found it Roxas saw the caller ID. 

_Ventus_. 

Roxas tried to calm himself and answered the phone as casually as he could.

“Hey Ven!”

“ _What’s wrong with you?_ ” was Ventus’ instant response to Roxas’ greeting.

Roxas cursed their twin ESP.

“Nothing.”

“ _You know we shared a womb for nine months right? There is nothing you can hide from me. Absolutely NOTHING, I say!_ ”

“It’s just work. I’m tired of being underappreciated.”

“ _They still delegating grunt work to you after you bailed them out?_ ”

“Yeah,” was the deeply dissatisfied response from Roxas.

“ _Maybe go on more vacations. Make them realize how much they need you. But anyway, I’m not buying it, Rox. What’s actually going on?_ ”

“Nothing.”

“ _Bull. I’m calling you because I know something is wrong._ ”

Roxas scowled. “I -.” Roxas’ tongue ran over the top row of his teeth, as he built the courage to confess his stupidity.

Roxas heard Ventus give him small sounds of encouragement to continue.

He breathed in deep, launching into it. “You know how I told you about that guy who wore stilettos?”

“ _Yeah?_ ”

“Mmm… well - all those times I mentioned what shoes he was wearing - he was actually standing in front of me. He’s been standing in front of me for the past year.”

“ _What? Eww. That’s weird… and creepy._ ”

“Yeah, I thought so too. Like _‘what’s this guy doing standing there all the time? Does he want something from me?_ ’ I never looked up at him. I didn’t want to encourage him, you know. But he kept doing it anyway. And… don’t judge me but… it was also… kinda _fun_ ,” Roxas squeaked. He took another deep breath. “I’ve been having such a shitty couple of weeks, Ven. Ever since I came back here. Work’s a nightmare and I just… I need to make some friends. I thought this guy could be a friend, y’know?”

“ _Rox, what actually happened? I’m getting a bit freaked out with where this is going. Are you ok?_ ”

“I’m fine. Really. N-nothing happened. But… I thought it did - but it didn’t.”

“ _Dude,_ ” Ventus prompted sternly.

“Yeah, sorry, sorry. So, when I came back from spending that week at home this guy still stands in front of me. I kind of felt like he missed me -”

“ ‘ _Missed’ you? But you said you never looked up at him. Did you ever speak to him?_ ”

“No we never spoke,” Roxas’ throat felt too tight. 

“ _Then ‘how’?”_

“The way he stood in front of me - it’s just an impression I got.” Roxas muffled.

“ _You sure? You tend to fantasize a lot, ya know.”_

“You wanna hear this or not, Ven? I can just hang up, ya know,” growled Roxas.

“ _Yeah, shit, sorry, Rox. I’ll behave.”_

“So _anyway_ , he seemed a bit eager and nervous. And by that point I was ready to try and talk to him and make a friend. But just as I was gonna speak with him he turns around and he lifts his feet so I can see the bottom of his disgusting shoes. Like who would ever wear fluoro yellow anything unless they are mandated to do so by work health and safety.”

“ _Rox.”_

 _“_ Yeah, sorry. Um… so he’s stapled these notes to his shoes… basically saying ‘Hi’ and if I wanna go hang out.” 

Roxas couldn’t bring himself to tell Ventus the actual wording.

“ _What did the notes ‘actually’ say, Rox._ ”

“I don’t remember the exact wording. It doesn't matter.”

“ _You ‘sure’_?” was the skeptical question.

“Yeah. It was just something about wanting to get together.” Roxas’ voice began failing him.

“ _What do you mean ‘together’_?”

“Ah… Well, you see - the thing is - I didn’t know what he meant either. I thought he just meant… hanging out… casual like.”

“ _And it wasn’t?”_

“Mmm… not… _quite_?”

“ _Oh my fucking God, Rox! What ‘happened’? Are you ‘sure’ you’re okay? You can tell me,_ ” Ventus’ voice was filled to the brim with worry.

“Yeah, I’m fine. I had a really shitty week at work and… well, I was just sick of everything so I nudged his shoes and he took me… to -” Roxas’ heart was beating too fast. He felt so embarrassed.

 _“It’s ok, Rox. Just tell me. No judgement._ ”

Roxas squeezed his eyes shut. “We went to a love hotel,” Roxas’ voice broke.

“ _A… ‘love’ hotel?_ ”

“But it wasn’t anything - we didn’t fuck. He didn’t… _do_ anything to me. I was kinda scared coz I didn’t expect to end up in that place with this guy. We talked for a bit. He told me we didn’t have to do anything if I didn’t want to -”

“ _Did you want to?_ ”

“Hell no. C’mon, Ven. What kind of a guy do you take me for?”

“ _Someone who does reckless things sometimes to prove a point. But get back to your story._ ”

Roxas growled. “I’m not into guys anyway. We didn’t do anything. He… he felt how cold I was so he thought it be a good idea for us to have a bath… ,” Roxas swallowed hard.

 _“Woah, woah. Hang on! What do you mean he ‘felt how cold you were’? Was he feeling you up?_ ”

“N-no. He just touched my hand.”

“ _Okay then… but what about that other part?_ ”

“What _other_ part?”

“ _The_ ,” Ventus cleared his throat, “ _‘he thought it be a good idea for **us** to have a bath’_ _part. That part!”_

“Y-yeah. Like… _together_.”

“ _And you agreed to this? ‘You’? Willingly? With a complete stranger?”_

“Yeah.” Roxas spat defiantly with possibly too much fire. “I’m feeling some judgement, Ven. How about you tone it down.”

“ _No judgement, bro. Just… trying to wrap my head around it. That shit takes some guts.”_

Roxas’ ego grew a little. “He was really respectful, Ven. I wasn’t drugged. I knew what I was doing. And it’s not like I wasn’t scared shitless. I was. But… it just... seemed like a good idea at the time? And… it was fine. We left after an hour. He said he enjoyed himself and would like to do it again. And… well, I kind of wanted to as well,” Roxas finished meekly. He felt a tiny bit better airing this out to his brother.

“ _Is that why you were being extra cagey like… when was it? Like three weeks ago? Coz… I swear… something felt odd._ ”

“I don’t recall,” Roxas lied, and he knew Ventus knew it was a lie as well.

“ _I’m telling you, our twin ESP is a ‘thing’._ ”

“Yeah, yeah - anyway… the next week we went out again after work and spent time together.” Roxas bit at his lip. “We sat in the bath again. It was really nice and pleasant. He’s… really funny… in a weird way. Kind of sweet in a terrible ‘ _making you groan in pain_ ’ kind of way.”

“ _A right cheesecake?_ ”

“A cheesecake factory,” Roxas smiled fondly and spoke warmly.

“ _Wow, that’s ‘a lot’ of cheese._ ”

“I don’t want you to think like I’m naive, Ven. I know it was stupid crazy for me to say yes to the guy. And I would never do that again - going out with a stranger like that -”

“ _But you ‘did’ go out with him again._ ”

“Well, by then he wasn’t a _stranger_ anymore, right?”

“ _Oh yeah? What’s his name? When’s his date of birth? Where does he even live? Name his three favorite and least favorite things in the world.”_

Roxas frowned and swallowed the thick saliva in his too dry mouth. “I know he’s got terrible taste in music. Does that count for anything?” Roxas asked, hopeful.

“ _Well at least maybe you found someone to share your own terrible taste in music with,_ ” chuckled Ventus.

“My taste in music is fine, thank you very much. I have better taste than you and the crap you listen to.”

“ _You know you’re pronouncing it wrong. It’s ‘rap’. That’s how you say it_ ,” Ventus’ amused voice rang through the line.

“Nah, Ven. The ‘c’ isn’t silent. It’s pronounced ‘ _crap_ ’.”

A sputtering sounded through the receiver. Roxas blew a raspberry right back down the line to his brother.

Silence spread for a few beats, and Roxas could heart Ventus sigh through the line.

Roxas sighed as well. “Are you mad?”

“ _I’m still waiting to hear what’s gotten you so upset. I reserve my right to answer until we get to that bit, alright?_ ”

“Yeah, okay,” Roxas conceded. 

“So anyway, last week I definitely wasn’t feeling nearly as nervous as the first time we did this thing together. We were sitting in the tub… just talking. You know… he… he’s got the most incredible eyes. I just… I couldn’t look away. And… I… well, I washed his face. He’s got these tattoos under his eyes. He covers them up with make-up, because of work. But… anyway. I… I don’t know how it happened but I fell asleep. Right there in the tub with him.”

Silence filled the space between the two brothers. Roxas wanted to hit something to get the anxiety out of himself. 

“I don’t know why I was so tired. I just felt really sleepy. Maybe… maybe I was more nervous than I thought? I don’t know. And… he… he started washing me. And - touching me. But not in a _weird_ way, okay. His hand was all up in my hair, massaging me. You know how much I love that.”

“ _Yeah, I love it too,_ ” Ventus’ quiet voice drifted through the receiver.

“He was so warm, Ven. It was _really_ nice. Maybe that’s what made me drowsy. I dunno. I just… crashed. But then the next thing that I remember was waking up in bed, fully dressed. And he was gone.” The thought of that night still left Roxas with a pit of swirling nausea inside himself. “I was so fucking scared, Ven. I know what you’re thinking, coz I was thinking it too, before I ever agreed to go out with him. What if this guy wants to rape me? What if he’s a perverted psycho? What if I wake up and my kidney is gone?”

“ _I’m only thinking two of those three things, Rox,”_ Ventus said lightly.

“Point is that when I was with him he seemed okay. He seemed really nice and friendly. Kinda weird, but in the good and funny kind of way. So that’s why I went out with him again that second time. But then when I woke up in the dark, all alone I just… all those thoughts came back again. I felt foolish for having trusted him. I thought the worst had happened.” Roxas took a deep breath. “I was really pissed off at him for days. Because what the fuck was he thinking? Who the fuck just up and leaves like that? Like he doesn't even give a _shit_ about me. Doesn't even give a second thought to how that must feel like to be left alone, waking up in the dark without an explanation. No decent human being should ever do that to another person,” Roxas raged. 

“And then he had the audacity to just keep standing in front of me on my commute to and from work like nothing was wrong. He did that for _days_ , Ven. I - I blew up at him today. I told him to get fucked and changed trains so I didn’t have to be exposed to that fuckhead.” Roxas mellowed, “But when I got home I found this note that he left in my bag. It’s really apologetic. He wrote that he had to bail out his roommate and that’s why he wasn’t there when I woke up. He wrote that he tried to wake me, but that it wasn’t working. He - he wrote _really_ sweet things.” Roxas’ stomach fluttered. “He wrote that he wanted to keep doing what we’ve been doing. And… I feel fucking awful for overreacting. I feel terrible for jumping to all the worst conclusion when he did nothing wrong. I always do this. It wasn’t right of me. I feel _awful_!” Roxas breathed out. Man it felt good to be unburdened.

“So that’s it. That’s what’s been happening. And I don’t know what to do. Well… actually I _do_ , but… that’s what’s been going on for me,” Roxas finished in a mutter.

An anxious sigh was let out while he waited for some brilliant piece of comfort from his brother. But Ventus’ frosty silence unnerved Roxas. “C’mon, you gotta tell me _something_.”

“ _Just - gimme a moment, Rox. You don’t want me to sound like mom and dad, right?_ ”

That thought terrified Roxas, and a gasp escaped his throat. He kept his mouth shut while his twin gathered his thoughts.

That voice, which was identical to his own, started up like a locomotive, gaining steam as it progressed, “ _If I didn’t love you and didn’t care about your safety I would venture to say that it actually sounds like a really sweet and lame kind of a love story. But, unlucky for you I totally love you, and care for you. So I need to tell you how completely reckless and nearsighted you are being. I don’t think you should keep meeting up with strange men in strange hotel rooms. No matter how much they make you laugh wearing stiletto’s. It’s completely dangerous and stupid. You are lucky that nothing has happened so far… that you actually know of._ ”

“Go back to the beginning bit - The part where you _didn’t_ just totally sound like mom and dad,” grumbled Roxas.

“ _Sorry, I am my parent’s child,_ ” lamented Ventus sarcastically.

Silence stretched out for a bit.

Ventus began talking again, seemingly more willing to give Roxas support. “ _You always catastrophize stuff. You always get really hot-headed. I mean - I get it in this instance. You did something so immensely ‘stupid’, you deserve to have the shit scared out of you, Rox.”_

 _“_ Geez, thanks, _”_ Roxas muttered.

 _“Let this be a lesson to you. Don’t repeat the same mistakes again. Just apologize to the guy and then call this whole thing off._ ”

Roxas felt affronted by that remark. Stubborn defiance welled inside himself. “But what if I don’t want to call it off?” Roxas’ heart was in his throat.

“ _Do you actually ‘like’ the guy?_ ” came the incredulous tone. 

“I - _no_. Of course I don’t. Not in _that_ way anyway,” he squeaked.

“ _But you apparently like him enough to put yourself in potential harm's way.”_

“He’s not dangerous.”

_“How can you know that? You only met this guy… what? Twice? C’mon, Roxas.”_

Roxas knew Ventus meant business if his proper name was used.

“And twice he didn’t do anything to me, _Ventus_ ,” threw Roxas right back at his brother.

 _“Let me put it another way then. Do you trust the guy? Coz it sounds like you had a total freak-out for days on end. If there hadn’t been a note you’d still be freaking out. If there hadn’t been a note you would be listening to me right now and agreeing with me. Am I right, or am I right?_ ”

Roxas frowned at the logic and reason in Ventus’ words. 

“ _You are the one choosing to believe in someone you don’t know. It doesn’t matter how funny or sweet people pretend to be. If he wants something from you he might just be playing you. Buttering you up. And of course he’d write you a friendly note telling you everything was fine. People don’t just leave notes lying around that incriminate themselves. If he did anything while you were unconscious you might never know about it. Do you want to take the risk and expose yourself to the possibility of having something ‘really’ awful happen to you? I don’t - I couldn’t bare it if something happened to you. Rox.”_

Roxas sighed, audibly. Ventus’ words stirred deep uncomfortable feelings and worries inside of himself. “I - you’re right,” Roxas muttered.

“ _Yes! Older brother logic wins out yet again!_ ” came Ventus’ triumphant cheer.

“Oh, shut up,” was Roxas’ good-natured response.

Roxas heard Ventus laugh, before asking, curiously, “ _Since when do you like guys anyway? That’s kind of new for us. Do you think I might like guys too?”_

“I told you I don’t like _guys_. I-”

“ _Just like ‘him’, right_?” finished Ventus for Roxas.

“Not in _that_ way.”

Ventus gave an unbelieving hum through the phone.

Roxas stared hard at the floor. Half an hour ago he had _hated_ that man. Now he was willing to concede that there was _possibly_ something to _like_ about that jerk? Irritation bubbled.

Ventus took the silence as agreement. “ _But why? You don’t even know the guy._ ”

Roxas thought about that for a moment. “I just like the company, okay?”

“ _Well can you get that company in a bit more of a social setting maybe? One that screams less ‘serial sex offender’ and more ‘normal things normal people do in their normal lives’, please? Go out for a coffee or something. Go to an arcade. Don’t go to an isolated little room where you strip down in front of each other.”_

Roxas huffed out a small laugh.

“ _Yeah, see. When I say it out loud you get how completely ridiculous and creepy it is, right?"_

“We don’t strip down in front of each other. Well… he _tries_ to strip in front of me, but I look away,” Roxas attempted to minimize how bad it sounded.

 _“Same shit, different smell. If you want me to believe that you don’t totally have a boner for the guy then stop hanging out in places where you get naked with him. Hang out in sensible and normal locations, okay? You’ve only been with this guy twice. If you wanna continue seeing him be safe about it. Be smart. Until you can trust him don’t put yourself in compromising situations like that. I love you, Rox. Don’t be an idiot._ ”

“Okay,” he muttered.

They ended their conversation shortly after that.

Roxas wondered if Mr. AS - _Axel_ \- would be okay with ‘ _normal_ ’... for a little while at least.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *sprinkles some drama*
> 
> While writing this thing I found it really enjoyable that Roxas didn't learn Axel's name for five and a bit whole chapters XD
> 
> And... I might be showing my age here but... you guys still have blackboards (Or... chalkboards?) in schools right? Gods... I get an awful shiver just _thinking_ about the sound and feel of nails down a blackboard. *cringes*


	7. Coffee Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys get to know each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is one of my favourite chapters ❤
> 
> I hope you enjoy :)

The next morning on the train, glossy business shoes stayed well away from Roxas. Guilt wracked him for the entirety of that day. He wasn’t able to concentrate on work as he contemplated how he would ever make it up to … _Axel_.

Roxas also took Ventus’ words into consideration. What they had been doing was so beyond _normal_ it wasn’t even funny. Maybe they had met in a _weird_ way but there was no reason to continue that. Maybe they could pick it back up once Roxas was certain that this guy was trustworthy and safe.

But until then...

In the afternoon boring business footwear, instead of some wild and hideous display of color, got on the train. It upset Roxas even more. The shoes remained where they had always stood previously. By the door, eager to get off, like they were in some sort of a rush. Roxas ventured a glance up at the redhead. Butterflies buzzed. Nausea swirled. He saw green eyes resting on him. Eyebrows knit into a sad expression. The look was quickly replaced with one of surprise when he noticed Roxas actually looking back at him.

As the stream of people at the next stop swept in and out of the car, like a great tide, their eyes remained steadfast on one another. Roxas felt the rhythmic beating of his heart intensify the longer they continued exchanging looks. Roxas tried for a smile, which only furrowed the other man’s brows. Roxas’ expression fell flat. He wondered what the man was thinking about. He wondered what a complete asshole Roxas must have come across as. He didn’t like that idea. Somewhere inside himself the thought that this guy could possibly _not_ like him niggled away at Roxas. He didn’t want to _not_ be liked.

The train pulled into the next stop. Roxas felt nervous and rasped out a shaky breath. He rose with the other passengers who were preparing to get off at the entertainment district. Roxas let himself flow along and be swept away by the current. He drifted past red spikes and green eyes. He locked eyes with the man, pointedly. Green continued to trail him as Roxas moved out the doors and into the subway station beyond. Roxas hoped that the other man was going to follow him. He didn’t dare look back though. He just single-mindedly forged ahead.

Roxas hadn’t really ventured out into this part of the city too often, but he knew he would be able to find a café close by. There were always cafés and bakeries somewhere near all the subway stations in this city. He wandered down the packed streets. Daylight was gradually fading but it never deterred the crowds.

A quaint café caught Roxas’ attention a little way down the busy main road. It was tucked between an adult bookstore and a large electronics boutique. From the outside, it didn’t appear too crowded, so Roxas wandered in through sliding doors and slipped his headphones off. Friendly looking waiting staff greeted him.

“Table for two?” a woman asked, smiling warmly at Roxas.

Some dumbfounded neanderthal noise escaped Roxas’ throat as he glanced behind himself to catch red spikes out of his periphery. Relief washed over him. He nodded and was led away into the back corner where only one table was still free. Roxas squeezed in between two tables so he could slide into the booth seat. He sat down awkwardly, feeling nothing but his thumping heart and mild tremors of nerves. He fumbled with the menu which was handed to him, carefully watching Mr. A… _Axel_ … - Roxas needed to get used to that name - sit down opposite of himself.

They both ordered their drinks without having to spend too much time looking at menus. Roxas only ever ordered the one thing at most places he ever visited anyway.

The cheerful smile and alluring eyes turned stone cold once the waitress had left them alone amongst the sea of rowdy patrons. An arm was draped behind his chair and green eyes drifted around the café with grave disinterest.

Silence stretched between them.

Roxas felt sick. Why didn’t the man look at him? He had _always_ looked at him before. An involuntary squeak left Roxas’ throat as he scrunched his face up in discomfort.

“So what do you want?” It was delivered with overwhelming indifference.

“I - need to apologize to you.” Roxas’ brows knitted together. 

Head tilted, slightly. One green eye focused on him. A cool eyebrow cocked. “Why should I forgive you?”

“I know I lost it. I know I flew off the handle. It wasn’t right. I am so, _so_ , _**so**_ sorry. Please forgive me,” he implored. “I -” he leaned in towards the other man, with lowered eyes and voice. “I woke up in the dark - all alone. It freaked me out. I - I thought the _worst_ thing had happened.” Roxas’ heart was in his throat. He felt so incredibly bad. “I - I didn’t find your note until yesterday evening when I cleaned out my bag.”

The man looked at Roxas for a few beats with an indecipherable expression. “Was that what that outburst was about? You -” eyes narrowed, “thought I _did_ shit to you and just left?” A disgruntled and disgusted look etched itself on his face. He seemed totally offended.

Roxas nodded, swallowing down all the bad feelings.

The man’s face at long last softened. He turned his full attention onto Roxas. “Shit, man. I’m sorry that you got scared like that. I didn’t mean to. I _really_ wanted to be there when you woke up but my idiot roomie keeps leaving his keys in his other pockets.” 

Roxas was finally able to breathe out the discomfort he had been holding inside himself. The man seemed so sincere. It was reflected in his concerned voice, his wide eyes and in the way he leaned over the table, towards Roxas. 

“So you forgive me?” Roxas pushed.

“Yeah. Of course. I totally get it. I’d have probably punched me if I had been in your shoes thinking what you were thinking.”

Roxas laughed a little. His insides softened. “Punching is probably a bit excessive, don’t you think?”

“Not if you think someone's fucked you without your consent and then just left.” Red brows knitted, “I could have sworn I left the note on top of your things though. It must have fallen into your bag?”

Roxas nodded, having no explanation for it either.

A heavy sigh was let out. “Well, I’m glad you found it. I was getting worried about why you were ignoring me. But... why bring us here? Couldn’t you have told me this in our usual spot?”

“Considering my… outburst yesterday, I thought it be better for us to meet somewhere else. I thought you’d be pissed at me. Maybe you wouldn’t have wanted to go to…” Roxas swallowed hard.

“Don’t be silly. I’ll _always_ want to go to those places with you.”

Roxas felt himself melting. He shook his head lightly. This was no time to fall for charm. “It’s not really _normal_ , now is it?” Roxas leaned in a bit closer, “To meet like we’ve been meeting. People can infer all kinds of wrong things.”

“I don’t care what anyone infers about me. Both of us know what the truth is, so fuck the rest of the world.”

Roxas didn't like the edge in his voice. “The truth? I don’t know what the truth is. I don’t even know you. I have to think more about my safety. What we’re doing is insane. I gotta stop being so reckless.”

A harsh laugh rattled out of the man. 

Eyes drew to them, but quickly scattered again.

“You worry about this _now_? After we’ve met _twice_ already?”

Roxas frowned, not enjoying that ridiculing tone of voice. “Don’t laugh at me.”

Cold eyes settled on Roxas. “Why shouldn’t I? If you think being in a crowded place like this makes you any safer you’re both naive and wrong.” The redhead lowered his voice and looked sternly into Roxas’ eyes. “If I wanted to have my way with you I’d already have done it. I could have thrown you into any of those side alleys while we were walking here. People are too absorbed in their own lives to come to anyone's rescue if someone’s in danger. People are too chicken shit to help.”

A chill ran through Roxas. He had expected warmth and silly jokes after clearing up their misunderstanding. Instead he was met with hard ice.

“If I wanted to _take_ you I would have tried on our first night. Or I’d have done it while you were sleeping. I could have tied you up. I could have been in you before you ever woke up.” 

Roxas’ eyes widened in horror and he shrunk back into his seat, distancing himself from the other man as much as he could. There was clear ferocity and anger underlying that voice.

A loud huff sounded. The intensity in green eyes faded. “Sorry,” the redhead let out, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s just… I’m not a bad guy. If I was you’d have found out about it a year ago. I would have followed you off the train and stalked you or something. I would have done you in an alley somewhere.” Another breath was huffed out. “But instead I wait. Instead I invite you to decide what it is we do and when we do it.”

Roxas’ heart raced. His body was stiff as a board. “A -are you… _threatening_ me?”

“What? No! Where's that coming from? I'm just saying if I wasn't trustworthy and sincere you'd have found out about it a long time ago now.”

Roxas eyed him suspiciously. Yet he really wanted to believe him for some reason.

The waitress returned, distracting Roxas from his discomfort for a few moments.

“A strong black.”

“Thanks.”

“And a chocolate frappe with extra whipping, nuts and chocolate sauce for the cutie,” she gave an incredibly warm smile to Roxas as she placed the order in front of him. Not even the sight of Roxas’ favorite drink could light up his face. “Thank you,” he muttered.

“If there’s anything else I can get you, just give me a wave, alright cutie?” she winked at him and left after Roxas mutely nodded at her.

A delighted laugh rolled out of the other man. “Way to go, cutie! You’re a lady magnet.”

Roxas glared.

“Oh what? So it’s okay for her to call you cute, but not me?” he chuckled.

Roxas nodded.

Green eyes went wide and lips quirked in amusement. “What a double standard! How about _sweetie_? Can I call you that? Coz you sure seem to have a real sweet tooth,” sniggered the other man, softening up even more. He eyed Roxas’ drink in amusement before taking a sip of his coffee.

“No,” Roxas said quietly, shaking his head. He had lost his appetite at the words that man had spoken. They still rang in his head. The man was right; Roxas was probably incredibly naive.

A sigh sounded from across the table, “Look, I accept your apology, so don’t be so sour, okay?”

Roxas frowned harder and pouted.

The redhead bit his lip. “Please don’t pull that face. - I’m sorry too. Sorry for freaking you out back then and - well, for obviously freaking you out just now. I get a bit intense sometimes, but I don’t mean anything by it, okay? It's just how I am.”

Roxas just breathed out heavily. Why couldn’t he say anything? It felt like their first evening in the tub all over again. Roxas couldn’t read if this guy was dangerous or not.

Green eyes still examined him with concern. Lips pressed into a thin line. “If it makes you feel better I got no hard feelings towards you - well, except for one,” the man winked and Roxas groaned and rolled his eyes. 

The mood was finally shifting the way Roxas had wanted it to go from the very beginning. So why wasn’t he happy?

The man sighed. “I’m sorry for that misunderstanding. Next time I’ll write a note onto your naked chest in toothpaste or something, okay?”

He was still trying to make light of the situation. But it wasn’t working. “There won’t be a next time,” was Roxas’ stern response.

“Oh? Why not? Don't you like what we have? You seemed pretty comfortable last week if I remember correctly.” 

The gentle smile and pleasant inflection of the redhead's voice sent unwanted tingles through Roxas. His feet felt inexplicably warm at the memory of fingers brushing through his hair. Roxas pushed those thoughts aside, trying to channel his brother, “It’s not safe,” he repeated more sternly.

“C’mon. What happened? You really weren’t this concerned last week. Did I really scare you that badly? It's like all the fun's gone out of you,” lamented the other man.

“I'm still fun,” defended Roxas. “But I need to be more sensible.”

“You _sure_ you're still fun? Coz that sounds like you've become pretty dreary. Or maybe you’ve been talking to some boring and normal people, and they’ve all drained the fun out of you, hmm?”

“Of course I’ve been talking to people. I tell them exactly where we go and they know to send the authorities if I don’t check in with them after a certain time,” lied Roxas. He made a mental note to probably arrange something like that with Ventus.

Lips curled into a small smirk. 

Did the man see through his fib?

“You know that's the same shit my own friends have been telling me I should be doing?”

“Your friends?”

“Yeah. I do have some, you know,” teased the redhead between sips of his coffee. “They worry about me going to strange hotel rooms with a strange man too, y'know. But I don’t let them stop me doing the things I like doing. And I hope you won’t let a few un-fun people in your life stop you either.”

That notion actually blew Roxas’ mind. He managed to collect himself enough, however, to fire back, “I do what I like. No one’s the boss of me.” 

“Mmm, a man after my own heart.” Predatory eyes sparkled.

Roxas swallowed the all-too-familiar lump in his throat. He felt himself relaxing... somewhat. “Your friends are _really_ worried about _me?_ I’m the one who should be worried about _you_ ,” deflected Roxas. 

Slim shoulders shrugged. “You see me as dangerous coz I’m so tall, right? I have crazy eyes, and wild hair, and do things which are unusual. I get it. It’s weird. But we already talked about this. I’m no threat to you. I just wanna enjoy your company, and it happened to turn into what it did.”

Roxas was still feeling unsettled though. It must have shown as the man continued talking, trying to put Roxas at ease. “If it makes you feel any better I wasn’t very sure about you on our first outing either. But I really wanted to take a chance on you. Throw caution to the wind, and hope you weren't psychotic. Can’t say I’m disappointed.” Green eyes sparkled. “And you know what else?”

Roxas shook his head.

“I tell my friends how short you are but they still worry about me, and all the things you could do to me.”

“Y- yeah?” Roxas queried hesitantly, but unable to mask the slight excitement which buzzed around his core.

“Yeah. You like the sound of that? Being a bit… _dangerous_?” the redhead winked and clicked his tongue.

Roxas spine tingled. His heart beat too fierce. His abdomen throbbed with distinct pleasure. He hastily shook his head, and willed the feelings to go away.

“Mmm, yeah you do, don’t you.” Green eyes trailed over Roxas’ chest in hunger, before a sweet smile returned to settle and look at Roxas’ face. “My friends worry about you drugging me and then having your _wicked_ way with me. Mmm, how I wish that would happen.” Tongue darted out and licked lips, while eyeing Roxas. 

Roxas felt his cheeks prickling. He looked away, at his frappe.

“Well, okay… maybe _minus_ the drugging part,” came a throaty chuckle. A hard breath was inhaled at Roxas’ refusal to relax. The lust seemed to melt away as the man continued to speak, “Don't think the concern is all one-sided. I’m a stranger to you, but you’re also a complete stranger to me.”

The heat definitely left Roxas at those words. Wide eyes trained back onto red and green. “But I would _never_ do anything!” Roxas felt really offended at the implication.

“Exactly. I would _never_ either. So that’s why I got a bit pissed off at you for a moment there. It’s not nice to have someone think awful things of you,” he muttered.

Roxas’ mood shifted. Tension drained out of him. He nodded and glanced at his frappe once more. He felt slightly embarrassed that he kept thinking the worst about this guy. “I… yeah. I get it.”

“Don’t look so sad.”

“But I feel really awful.”

“You want me to take your mind off it?”

“Er…” Roxas was confused. “What -”

The redhead smirked. “Here, let me illustrate,” He picked up his coffee spoon and gave a devilish grin moments before he dug into Roxas’ drink.

Roxas gasped. “Don’t violate my precious frappe!” Roxas grabbed his own, much longer spoon, and began knocking away the offensive implement as the man tried to keep getting at the drink.

They managed to get whipped cream, chocolate sauce, nuts and drips of the sweet drink over the entirety of their table and even some on the neighboring tables. They received more dirty looks than they had already been getting with all the unsavory talk they had been doing earlier. They only stopped their food war once both were laughing ridiculously.

Roxas licked his fingers clean, but stopped when he saw the look he was getting from the redhead. The ice cold lump in the pit of his stomach was beginning to melt, leaving a distinct churning behind. “I guess I never thought about how this looked from your side,” said Roxas nervously, wanting to distract himself from that look and its effect.

“Aww, you still thinking about it? Look, seriously stop worry about it, okay? I know you wouldn't do anything to me, and I certainly would never do anything to you, so we should both just chill, right?”

Roxas’ eyes raised, and he smiled weakly.

“There’s that smile,” came the pleasing hum. 

Roxas dropped it in embarrassment.

“Aww. Bring it back.”

Roxas shook his head and saw a pout when he glanced back across the table. That returned his smile, and melted the other man’s pout.

“Thank you.”

Roxas’ smile broadened marginally at that response.

“Will you trust me now?” the man ventured, with caution.

“I think _trust_ is too strong of a word to be using at this point in time,” responded Roxas thoughtfully, while consuming what was left of his frappe.

“Would it make you feel better if I told you that I definitely don’t make a habit of taking guys virginities by force? “

Roxas choked on the mouthful of frappe he had been indulging in. He squeaked out a “ _No_.”

“Really? That’s a shame. But just FYI, all I normally do is wait for them to be handed to me,” the man finished with a salacious wink and licked his spoon suggestively. 

Between the coughing Roxas managed to get out, “What makes you think -”

“Oh _please_. If you weren’t you wouldn’t be half as precious.”

Roxas’ brow knitted in confusion at that comment. What did he mean by that? Did he only want Roxas because he had never been with a guy? Or... Roxas looked up from his drink as words drifted to his ears.

“Anyway, balls in your court, so to speak.” Another wink. “What are we gonna do from here on in? You wanna keep hanging at coffee shops?”

Roxas felt a lot better. Listening to the man - no _Axel_ \- Roxas really needed to get used to referring to the man by name - talking, had soothed him somewhat. Ventus’ words turned into wind, but then Roxas wondered if he was being naive again. Maybe he was still trying to make himself seem safer than he really was...

Roxas gulped his drink down. “Firstly, I’m gonna go pay for us.” He got up and hastily squeezed between the rows of tables to head to the counter. His wrist was caught and enveloped in an impossibly warm clasp.

Shivers ran up his spine.

“You really don’t have to - er… _Blondie_.”

“It’s my treat, for being such an ass. And it’s _Roxas_ ,” he added with a small smile. He went to pull his hand free but as he did so his stomach kicked up a turbulent storm at the way warm fingers snagged and hooked against Roxas’ fingertips, preventing him from completely getting away.

“Thanks, _Roxas_ ,” the man rumbled and let the last syllable of Roxas’ name turn his lips up into a toothy smile. 

It was delightful. Roxas’ chest heaved. Fingertips left that warm clasp. He turned to go pay.

* * *

 

They made their way outside, surrounded by neon lights. Night had fallen but everything was illuminated, bright, and impossibly crowded.

“I was told to be more sensible and normal, so we should go do those kinds of things,” said Roxas as the other man came out behind him, slinging a casual arm around Roxas’ shoulder.

“Dunno. Sounds kinda dull to me,” the redhead spoke, followed by a large yawn to illustrate his point.

Roxas shrugged out of the too comfortable arm and looked around himself for something entertaining to do. 

“What about in there?” came the poor attempt at a helpful suggestion from the other man.

Roxas followed the casually pointed thumb aimed at the adult bookstore, causing his face to scrunch up in distaste. “You have such a one track mind, don't you.”

“Hey, I thought you chose this café because of its prime location,” the man sniggered.

“I think you’re getting us confused.”

“Well, maybe I’ll rub off on you eventually, huh?”

Roxas didn’t even need to look at the redhead to know that he was getting a disgustingly devious smirk thrust his way. He groaned. “God, you’re awful.”

“That’s really great you know.”

“What?” Roxas did lock eyes with the man in confusion.

“You're getting to know me pretty well already,” came the cheesy grin. 

That smile, coupled with the way the man rubbed at his head, was too endearing. Roxas looked away towards the other side of the street. “There!” Without a second thought, Roxas reached for the man’s hand, pulling him along forcefully.

Roxas heard the pained outcry, which seemed quite a standard response for Roxas to receive whenever he did touch people. “Sorry,” he muttered, and instantly let go of the other man’s hand. He looked up as they walked side by side instead. “I know my hands are cold,” he offered as an apology.

“I don’t mind that. In fact,” the redhead grabbed Roxas’ hand and interlaced their fingers, “I really like it. I’m always too hot anyway.”

The warmth from that hand traveled right up Roxas’ arm and to his face. Roxas looked down at their interlaced fingers. He squeezed the other man’s palm out of curiosity and felt a squeeze be returned. 

It was followed by words, “I’m just amazed at how strong you are. Maybe my friends _are_ right about you. I should probably watch out.” The deadpan delivery made Roxas laugh loudly. When he looked back up the soft smile he was met with caused flutters to stir in his gut. Roxas cast his eyes aside and quickly led them into an arcade on the opposite side of the road.

It was noisy, crowded, and smelt of stale air and sweat. But it was different from the smell of the subway. This smelt better. It brought up a lot of fond memories for Roxas of long carefree summers spent at his local arcades hanging with friends. Roxas felt right at home.

They spent several hours there, competing against each other in racing and fighting games. Both their competitive spirits were lit when their scores started mirroring one another's. They were neck and neck, sledging and jeering at each other.

_“I’ve seen a snail get off the starting line faster!”_

_“Even a blind person could have done better at pulling off that combo!”_

_“That is the worst victory move I have ever seen in my life!”_

_“Ahaha! Did you see how badly you failed just then?”_

_“My mother could aim better than that!”_

_“Well, my grandmother has better reflexes than you!”_

_“Oh yeah? Well, my great grandma could pull through that corner better than you, and she’s blind and dead!”_

_“Zombie grandparents can’t be used as insults. Or they’ll come back to eat you.”_

_“That’s stupid.”_

_“It’s not. It’s law. It’s fact. Everyone knows that.”_

They had soon exhausted the action games section.

Green eyes darted over towards the bright flashing neon corner of the large arcade. The roar from that side was deafening. Dozens of different rhythm games stood around, all playing their unique music. 

“You sure you want to?” Roxas challenged. “Those are my forté.”

“Just wait till you see what moves I’ve got. I’m as smooth as an eel, and as quick as an antelope,” long limbs leapt away, heading for the rhythm section.

Roxas gave a chesty laugh and followed the man at breakneck speed.

The competition heated up even more when they got over there. They played a vast array of instrument, as well as gesture, and dancing games. As Roxas watched the competition give his all in a tiebreaking dance-off, it did something to Roxas’ body. The way long limbs moved - the way sweat beaded and dripped, making that white business shirt cling and turn translucent - Roxas couldn’t look away. The pit of his stomach tingled, his pulse throbbed.

This man wasn’t faking his enjoyment to appease Roxas. He wasn’t faking things to _lure_ Roxas. No. The way he air-guitared at the end of every set… that was all him. Pure no-holds-barred enjoyment. No care in the world over how ridiculous he looked. And why should he? He looked like a fucking rock star. It made Roxas’ heart swell with something. He wanted to be back in their small, quiet and most importantly - _private_ \- hotel room and bathe with him.

He wanted the small crowd that had gathered to vanish. He wanted green eyes to be trained on only _him_. But he certainly was still enjoying himself right now. Particularly as he repeatedly managed to out-drum the redhead in one of his favorite rhythm games.

“Yeah, I’ll definitely have to watch out and make sure you don’t clobber me,” came the exhausted wheeze, after their tenth game in a row. Tall frame was bent over and red hair was shaking dramatically.

Roxas jabbed him lightly in the ribs. “For someone so skinny you sure are unfit,” he teased, also huffing slightly from the exertion. 

“Hey, hey, _hey_!” affronting fingers were swatted away, “I’ve got stamina where it counts, okay? So gimme a break,“ he protested.

Roxas groaned at that comment and walked off. The other man followed close behind as they headed towards the exit sign.

“Over already?”

“Yeah. Didn’t you just say you needed a break? I’m giving you some time to recuperate,” Roxas laughed cheerfully. But before Roxas could pass through the automated doors, warmth enveloped his shoulder. He turned to look up and followed the pointed stare towards another highly illuminated corner of the arcade.

“Well, can we recuperate over there?”

Roxas had to squint. Even from this distance the glare was too painfully radiant. “Glamor shots? _Really_?” he scoffed.

“Yeah, c’mon. It’ll be a fun memento of our _‘normal’_ night together. Plus I need proof for my friends that you aren’t a hardened criminal. What better way than a girly photo of us together?” 

That buoyant smile was infectious and managed to sway Roxas. He gave a defeated nod and a roll of his eyes. The warm hand faded from his shoulder but clasped his hand firmly. A small smile, like none of the others Roxas had experienced before in relation to that man, washed over his face. He happily let himself be pulled along to the back.

Roxas had never ventured so deeply into this alien territory. Mirrors lined the walls. Bright, exposing-all-your-flaws kind of lighting was everywhere, and packs of girls all hovered around the mirrors applying their makeup. The aim seemed to be to look as fake as they possibly could.

They found a booth which wasn’t crowded by girls and snapped it up. The curtain was held aside for Roxas. “After you,” came the polite and warm invite.

Roxas swallowed down how nice that gesture was and stepped through. They had grabbed one of the smaller booths. Despite the space being slightly cramped Roxas received some enjoyment from being out of the public gaze. He weirdly enough felt better to be alone with the other man for a few minutes.

Roxas was left trailing eyes over his companion as the redhead grumbled to himself and smacked the console several times, seemingly struggling with the preference menu. Business jacket had been slipped back on again after it had been discarded in the rhythm section. It sadly hid away that skinny-but-well-toned frame. Red hair seemed even more disheveled. But Roxas liked it looking so unkempt. It added something wild and untamable to the man’s appearance, which sat so nicely contrasted against Roxas' actual experience of the man.

This guy before him was normal, everyday Axel. He was very likeable. But so was weird, sexual innuendos at every turn Axel who came out to play during their hotel visits. Though Roxas had to admit that _weird_ Axel seemed to bleed into normal, everyday Axel very well. Either way the man had amazing bedroom eyes.

Roxas’ heart was beating too fast again.

Slim frame turned back towards Roxas with a grand smile. “Alright! Look as sweet as I know you are.” He threw an arm around Roxas and they posed while the blinding lights flashed. 

They poked their tongues out. They made silly faces, fingers behind each other’s heads. Roxas grabbed a shocking lock if red and pulled it between his nose and upper lip, giving himself a moustache with it. When the lights stopped they were all giggles.

“C’mon, let’s see if any of those are salvageable,” chuckled the redhead, straightening his hair out - somewhat to Roxas’ disappointment.

They left the booth to examine the strips which were spat out. 

“You think those will make your friends feel better?” Roxas asked, still shaking with laughter at how ridiculous they looked.

“Hmm, well maybe not this one,” slender finger pointed at one where Roxas had pulled a face because the assault of lights had surprised him, “but the rest should be all good.”

Roxas laughed at the photograph. “That one sums up how I felt about you that first day we met.”

“You wanna keep it?”

Roxas nodded and pocketed the photograph, as well as several others.

“What about now, though? How do you feel about me now?” The question was laced with hope and not so casual curiosity.

Roxas grew uncomfortable with how much his opinion of this guy was, and had, shifted in such a short amount of time. His mirth died away a little. “None of these will do.” Roxas looked at the photos which were still being held up. “All of these are fake.”

A look of confusion darkened the otherwise bright face and green eyes. Roxas looked away and around himself, eyeing a group of girls in front of the too bright mirrors, doing their makeup.

“Just - wait here a minute. I’ll be right back.” Roxas dashed over to the girls and asked, “Er, _Hi_! Just wondering if I could ask for a favor.”

The girls turned, and one of them seemed to take on the leadership role, “What you want?”

“Hey Suzy, don’t be so rude - he’s kinda cute.” 

Giggles rolled through the group, making Roxas feel embarrassed.

“I’d just like some makeup remover.”

“You don’t look like you need any,” came the scrutiny.

“It’s not for me,” Roxas turned and pointed, “It’s for him.”

A loud swoon and some exclamations of disbelief around green eyes and red hair ran through the group. Someone inquired, “He your boyfriend?” almost too eager to know the answer.

“N-no,” stammered Roxas.

“Soon to be boyfriend then? You guys are on a date, right?” came an incredulous voice.

“N-no,” he stammered again, becoming overly uncomfortable.

“Geez Tiff, don’t be so nosy!” teased one girl.

“I’m not! I’m just mildly interested. I’ve been eyeing that redhead since he walked onto our turf,” the girl named Tiff said to her friends. She turned back on Roxas, “If you guys aren’t on a date then can you introduce me to him?” she glanced over again and gave a charming smile and wave.

The girls squealed a little when the redhead responded with a wink from across the way.

Irritation welled. “Look, maybe we _are_ kind-of-sort-of on a date,” he lied. “I’d just really like one of those makeup removers you’ve got.”

“What kind of -”

“Leave the two gay-boys alone, Tiff.” Suzy, their leader, apparently took charge again. She grabbed a wet wipe and handed it to him. “Don’t mind Tiff, she’s just got a thing for reds.”

“Thank you,” huffed Roxas, eager to get away.

“Enjoy your _date!_ ” the girls yelled after Roxas as he walked back towards the other man, with sunken head and red face.

The sound of a very pleasing chuckle heated Roxas further as he approached his _not-date_.

“A date huh? If I had known I’d have turned up the charm,” the man sniggered.

“We’re not on a date,” denied Roxas.

“Well that’s a shame. Coz - you know - this kind of _does_ feel like one,” eyebrows waggled.

Roxas leaned back sharply as green eyes danced right in front of his face. His pulse raced too firmly through veins. “It doesn't matter what it feels like,” snapped Roxas.

“I actually think it does matter... _a lot_.”

“We’ll agree to disagree then,” asserted Roxas. “Anyway, I went over there to get this.” He lifted up the wet wipe.

“Oh?”

Roxas motioned with his finger for the redhead to lean back down towards himself. 

The man obeyed. 

Roxas’ breath caught in his chest at the proximity of their faces. His Adam's apple bobbed as he gulped. Gorgeous smiling eyes, that defined nose, those cheekbones. And lips… . Roxas’ jaw slackened. His gaze drifted and settled on them.

Lips curled into a smile. Tongue darted out, moistening them. Roxas’ own lips felt all too dry suddenly. His tongue also darted out, to grant some relief to chapped skin. A loud giggle erupted from behind him. Roxas startled out of his hypnosis and frowned in irritation.

“I think we have a fanclub,” came the light laughed. “Should we give them a show?”

“No.”

That pout… those lips. Roxas exhaled sharply and began wiping at skin under eyes. He made short work of revealing the tattoos, and ignored how nice and hot he was feeling under the scrutiny of green eyes. He liked that they never wavered off him to glance behind Roxas at their audience. He breathed out gently once he was finished.

“All better now?” rumbled the man.

Roxas nodded. “I like you more like this,” he spoke, much too low to be heard over the raucous din of people having a good time all around them. But Axel heard if the slowly unfurling smile, deep inhale of breath, and sighing exhale was anything to go by. A shiver ran down Roxas’ spine when his hand was grabbed. He was leD back into the photo booth. Whistles from the group of girls followed them.

Roxas felt the pressure of prying eyes fall away once they were safely encased in their booth once more. Redhead manned the console again and fiddled with the settings. Roxas couldn’t get red, green, and purple out of his head. Why was he so alluring? Why was he so -

Heat radiated at Roxas’ side. That glorious body had stepped back to stand next to him. Roxas could feel the man looking down at him. His heart was in his throat. He really _did_ like seeing him more without his makeup on. He liked stripping away that every-day face that the world saw, to unveil a hidden secret that only a handful of people possibly knew about. It made their secluded bathroom and hotel room hideaways seem special and sacred.

“ _Roxas_.”

Roxas’ breath got stuck in his lungs. The hairs on the back of his neck all rose and prickled. A shivering tingle ran down his back. He looked up at the redhead, as if beckoned. Soft green eyes were on him. A beautiful, clear smile painted and lit Axel’s whole face. Roxas’ mouth began hanging open stupidly once more. That warm smile intensified. Roxas gawked. His heart hammered.

The warning lights flashed, and a deep yet gentle laugh drifted to Roxas’ ears. A delicate finger ran from the bottom of Roxas’ neck, over his Adam's apple and under his chin, pushing Roxas’ jaw closed.

“Don’t forget to smile.”

Roxas gulped and returned his attention to the front. He felt an arm around his waist. It pulled him close to that impossibly warm furnace. He leaned into that touch and into that body for brief fleeting moments. Fingertips holding fast and stroking him grew a smile on Roxas’ face. Shy but honest and earnest happiness danced. It was all accentuated by the soft tingling sensations which pulsated through his body.

The barrage of flashes accosted them.

The lights abated, leaving them in the dimly lit booth. The body next to him shifted so the man stood in front of Roxas. Warmth slid down from his waist to settle on Roxas’ hips. Roxas was pulled closer towards that body. Roxas wanted to rest his head against that taut chest. He wanted to hear if that man’s heart was racing the same way Roxas’ was.

“I like being like this with you,” the man rumbled.

Roxas pulled away when fingers began threading through his hair. He pulled away before those fingers massaged him in that way he knew he wouldn't be able to resist. “I need some air,” he muttered.

He breathed a sigh of relief once he was back out amongst the public gaze. The reel of photos was spat out and both men huddled together to examine them. Roxas felt embarrassed at what he saw. He was pleased but simultaneously uncomfortable with how _real_ they both seemed in these sequences of photos. Genuine happiness; not for show or on display for anyone else. 

Roxas thought himself looking far happier than he had been in a long time. He didn’t want to feel that way about the redhead. They had been in each others space for over a year now but had only really met and spoken three times so far. Roxas shouldn’t be feeling so comfortable around this man. 

As Roxas kept looking at the photos something felt off. There hadn’t been any lewd and wholly inappropriate comment yet. That was strange and made Roxas uncomfortable. He was about to venture a look up at the man to check if he was alright, when sudden words sprung forth, “Maybe we should take some of us making out. Whaddya think, _Roxas_?”

The way his name was spoken made Roxas shudder with pleasure. But he exhaled in a huff and punched the man in the arm. He grabbed some of the photos and stomped out of the arcade. 

A chorus of _‘Awww’s_ ’ chirped up behind himself. Roxas could hear that laughing voice say something about a ‘ _lovers spat_ ’ before running footsteps caught up with him.

“God, you really _do_ hit hard.”

“And don’t you forget it,” huffed Roxas once more. He was unable to wipe the smile from his face though.

“Oh I promise I won’t.”

The city was alive, awake and noisy. The two men walked along the crowded street, side by side, in peaceful silence. Roxas enjoyed catching the man’s frame in his periphery. He seemed comfortable and relaxed. The occasional arm brushed against Roxas’ shoulder as they walked and bumped against one another. It was nice.

They passed down the road, through several intersections.

Roxas remembered the conversation earlier at the café. He could have been taken so many times already. But he couldn’t find himself feeling uncomfortable. They were perfectly fine. Roxas felt completely at ease. He thought he might even be able to _trust_ this guy. 

Roxas’ heart lifted.

“This is the longest I’ve ever seen you without your headphones on,” the redhead observed after a while. Both his hands had gone up and crossed behind his head as they headed towards the subway. “I almost thought you had a condition.”

“I do have a condition. It’s called _living_.”

The man snorted with laughter, “God, kid. Can you get any more melodramatic?” 

“Probably,” Roxas smiled.

When they got to the subway they both stood around awkwardly, waiting for their respective trains to arrive and take them into different directions. Roxas was fiddling with his headphones, getting ready to drown out the impending loneliness. His counterpart also stood fidgeting, but in that familiar way Roxas had observed so many times previous - back when Axel was nothing more but a pair of pretentious business shoes to Roxas.

“So how was today for you,” Roxas threw out casually.

“Oh it was insightful.”

“Yeah?”

The man hummed in affirmation.

“How so?” Roxas prompted.

“I learned that you have an incredible sweet tooth. No wonder you crashed so hard last week,” the man laughed.

Roxas grew embarrassed at the memory, but also at how that laugh seemed to heat him from the inside out.

“I’ll be sure to order us some desserts in the future - that’s of course if you want to ditch ‘ _being_ _normal’_ from time to time. Come live the freaky weird dream with me,” the redhead husked with too much allure.

Roxas licked his lips, and green eyes caught the motion.

“You didn’t like what we did today?” Roxas failed at masking his disappointment.

“I didn’t mind today. It was fun… but also irritating.”

“Irritating?”

“I know you probably didn’t notice but - we tied in our challenges. I hate it when I’m not the clear winner. So… I demand a rematch,” came the wide grin.

Roxas looked at the man in surprise. Excitement fluttered. He laughed a little, “Sure, you got it.”

Both beamed at each other.

“How did you like my moves by the way? I saw you looking,” a wink followed.

Roxas’ cheeks prickled. “It was like watching the death throes of a graceless gazelle.”

Green eyes widened in horrendous offense and narrowed in malice. “Well I wasn’t gonna say anything but… you stomped around like a baby hippo.”

Roxas threw him back the exact same expression he had just been given. “Rude,” he huffed, but the smile bloomed moments later, which infected the redhead and also grew a smile on those sharp features.

From somewhere in the tunnel the horn of the train sounded, announcing its arrival. The man scratched at the side of his head. “Looks like I’m first to leave.” He looked towards the rapidly approaching train. “Today was nice. And I think it was necessary - so you’ll feel better about me, but -" he returned his gaze onto Roxas. “Well, I’d honestly rather just go back to what we were doing before. But the choice is yours.” He moved towards the doors, looking at Roxas with a serious expression on his face. “I like our brand of weird. I like being all alone with you. It's nicer than being all alone in a sea of people. Let me know what you wanna do, kay?”

He stepped onto the train car, offering up a smile and a wave through closing doors. 

Tingles had erupted. Roxas gave a meek wave back and watched as the train sped away. The warmth and buzzing seeped out of his body the further Axel sped away from him. 

Roxas sighed.

He liked their brand of weird too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We still digging it? Is it still interesting?
> 
> Is Roxas being too naive? Is Axel just playing him? ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
> 
> And _YEAY_ chapter 7! At long last they both know each others names. Fun times can finally abound! *throws confetti*
> 
> \--  
> Ooh, it was brought to my attention that it might be a bit confusing to follow on with who says what. Let me know if it's a struggle. I try to make it as clear as possible. And places where there's no distinction - like that part where Axel and Roxas are jeering at each other - that is left for you guys to interpret however you want regarding who says what. Coz it truly doesn't matter... well I don't think it matters anyway. It might matter to someone out there.
> 
> Anyway, constructive feedback always welcomed. Thanks _it's_Ace121_ for bringing it to my attention  <3


	8. Sweet Treats

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They settle into a routine which helps Roxas to become comfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are getting a _little_ bit sexy. Maybe cover your eyes if you are a bit sensitive to talk of the nether regions ;)

Roxas had been a bit too excited to sleep when he arrived home later that night. He had decided to call up Ventus with possibly a little too much energy. Ventus had sounded tired and like he didn’t care much when he picked up the phone, but it didn’t deter Roxas in the least. 

“I took your advice, you know that Ven?”

“ _That’s nice, but could you have taken it at a more humane time of day? Like… oh I don’t know… how about during the ‘day’?_ ”

Roxas just laughed. “The day lark speaks to the night owl,” he philosophized.

“ _I don’t care for your aviary metaphors right now, bro._ ”

“Well I met up with him again. You’d be so proud. We went to a cafe! Tell me you’re proud.”

“ _I_ -,” a loud yawn rang through the line, “ _m so proud that you finally managed to use your brain for something._ ”

“Har-har! I apologized to him for losing my shit. He seemed really sorry for having made me worry so much. So that was sweet.”

“ _Mm-hmm_ ,” came the disinterested encouragement. 

Roxas knew Ventus was just listening to him to appease Roxas. Ventus was too asleep to actually care. But Roxas wanted to prove to his brother that he was capable of making sensible decisions.

And he kind of wanted to build a better picture of the other man in Ventus’ head as well.

Roxas recounted the rest of his evening spent at the arcade. He gave a detailed description of their game scores, and spoke about his dismay that they had actually tied.

“ _No one keeps track of that shit but you, Rox_.”

“Not true,” argued Roxas, wearing a smile. ‘ _Axel kept track_ ’, his heart whispered with elation.

Roxas fiddled with, and looked at the photographs they had taken that evening.

“We also went to a photo booth. That was his idea. Apparently his friends worry that _I_ might do something to him. How stupidly hilarious is that? As if I would ever be dangerous.”

The thrill of that idea, and those rumbling words ran through him, causing his insides to tingle.

 _“Right now you ‘are’ dangerous. You’re killing my sleep, Rox. I wish you’d be doing something like keeping ‘him’ up all night instead of torturing your poor older brother with this crap. I regret my advice to you about being more sensible. Go back out there and bathe with each other,_ ” Ventus muffled, probably into his pillow.

Roxas grew embarrassed thinking about keeping the other man up all night. But there was also a certain flutter of excitement as well. 

“Fine fine, I know when I’m not wanted.”

Ventus laughed softly, “ _I seriously doubt that_.”

They blew affectionate raspberries at each other through the phone.

“ _Liss is giving me the stink eye. You’re killing both our sleeps, Rox.”_

“Ok, ok! Night Ven. Tell Liss I _am_ making progress on your wedding stuff.”

“ _You better be. Night Rox.”_

* * *

 

All in all Roxas felt more at ease with the redhead. Their coffee shop conversation had alleviated and quashed Roxas’ hypervigilance and uncertainty.

This weekend saw Roxas in a far better mood than his last few spent fuming and anxious. He was able to enjoy himself and get stuff done. Well… when his mind _wasn’t_ on thinking about what he wanted to do with the redhead. 

Hanging out at the arcade had been a lot of fun, but Roxas also wanted to be all alone with the man. No distractions. Just them together - looking at each other. No matter how embarrassing it turned out being.

Roxas was relieved to have business shoes in front of himself again the following working week. He even managed to hold out a few more days because he never wanted to seem needy… or like he even _cared_ much. He wanted to be cool as a cucumber.

But when he finally decided that he didn’t want to hold out any longer he had nudged terrible honey mustard loafers. That gesture had been accompanied by a look up at the redhead and quiet, “You choose.”

The smile he saw made heat swell deep within Roxas.

When he found himself back in a hotel room his heart still raced. Perhaps it hammered even harder than before. But his mind wasn’t preoccupied and hyperventilating about how reckless and foolish he was being.

That pleased Roxas.

This guy was only a slight creep. He leered, he made _so_ many lewd remarks, and his mind always seemed to be on one thing. But that was ok. The ultimate point was that he wasn’t a _dangerous_ creep. 

Roxas had really liked being considered dangerous. It was nice to know that the worry had been somewhat mutual, even if the redhead hid it a lot better.

So Roxas was able to relax.

The bath had been run. The suggestion for them to get naked together had been brought forth.

But Roxas still felt shy. He had continued to insist on getting naked and into the frothy bath by himself. That had been met with a plaintive, “But I’ve already seen everything you have to offer.”

Roxas’ courage had grown and he felt a lot braver in teasing the other man, which was probably why he had rolled his eyes in response, and cheekily retorted, “You might have seen, but you haven’t experienced half the things I could offer you.” 

Though he truly had no clue what he was actually saying. He didn’t know what other things he _could_ offer, and in retrospect that thought made him nervous. 

But the man had responded favorably towards the playfulness. Roxas’ nerves had dissipated at the sight of green eyes sparking to life. The man had hunched low to the ground like a predator, before racing and attempting to pounce on Roxas. 

But that had only netted the redhead a bathroom door slammed in his face.

Clearly whatever Roxas was doing was having some sort of an effect on the man. 

It also made Roxas’ body buzz.

* * *

 

Where before Roxas never paid attention to what day of the week it was he paid attention now. Stuff to do with the redhead seemed to do that to him, oddly enough.

Roxas made a habit of nudging the shoes three times a week. 

Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays were the nights they spend together and became acquainted with each other. 

They began going to some of the nicer parts of town, which Roxas had never been to. 

But nicer hotels also seemed to mean _weirder_ room choices as well.

Roxas was always asked if he had a preference. Roxas always said ‘ _no’_ , which caused a huff of disappointment to rattle out of the other man. 

“Why don't you make a choice once in a while? There must be _something_ you really like or might want to try out.”

“Nah, I'm pretty vanilla. Normal and boring will do me just fine.”

“You know what _else_ will _do you just fine?”_

Of course Roxas knew the answer, but he ignored it and ignored the room preference questions.

The reason he never made a choice was because he loved seeing what new brand of offensive the redhead could come up with.

Apparently quite a lot.

The man seemed to burn with delight every time he brought Roxas to a strange room. He didn't make a habit of it, as Roxas gave loud protests, but from time to time the strangeness came out to greet Roxas. 

Roxas didn't truly mind. It made things even more fun and exciting. 

The redhead seemed to feed off of Roxas’ amazement, bashfulness, and general naivety. Roxas was never offended or weirded out though, so he let the man do whatever he liked, in regards to room selections.

_“Why is there a cage?_

_“Woah look at that chandelier!”_

_“Who needs so many mirrors?”_

_“Why is the tub in the middle of the room? You're not allowed to look!”_

_“Is that supposed to lean like that?”_

_“Oh my God! A ball pit!”_

_“A suspension system? Really?”_

_“That bed is ‘massive’!”_

_”Holy shit! An animatronic Velociraptor? This is the best thing I’ve seen all day!"_

_“Why is this room completely empty? … Oh my God! It’s all pullout shit in the walls! Cooooool!”_

The more time the two men spent together, and the more weeks passed, the more the truly weird shit was phased out. It was replaced in favor of comfortable rooms where they could spend time together hanging out, instead of being distracted by gimmicks.

But the redhead still liked to throw a spanner into the works occasionally.

Especially because there was one thing Roxas discovered that he truly did not like. Nothing freaked him out quite as much as the simple and humble round bed.

The first day he had seen it, he had just started in abject horror.

“What's the matter with you? _”_

“What the fuck is that? _”_ Roxas pointed, wide eyed.

 _“A bed,_ ” came the aloof shrug. The man didn’t seemed fazed in the least bit.

“Dude! That is just not right. _”_

“What's so strange about it? You weren't even this freaked out over the bed of nails, or that weird tiered layer cake thing we saw the other week. _”_

 _“_ I… can't explain it. This just seems… really creepy.”

Roxas approach the thing like it was a dangerous animal. He was cautious and completely focused on the thing before himself. He was so absorbed that Roxas didn’t hear the other man come up behind him. It had been too late to do anything but shriek by the time he felt hands on himself, lifting and dumping Roxas on top of the awful round mattress. 

Roxas righted himself in an instance and knelt in the middle of it, looking around wildly, while the redhead laughed maniacally.

“How _dare_ you!” he hollered, sounding far more offended than he actually was.

Yet it didn’t seem to put the other man off. He simply laughed louder. “Just helping you get over your fear… or whatever it is you’re so put off by. _”_

 _“_ That's not…” Roxas huffed. “It’s just _weird_ ok? Where do you put your head? How’re you supposed to sleep on this thing? _”_ he demanded, whilst bouncing in the middle of the plush mattress.

 _“_ Oh Roxas, I’m pretty sure they’re not designed for sleeping on. I can totally show you where the head’s supposed to go, if you want me too. _”_ It was followed up with a lick of lips and a waggle of eyebrows.

Roxas’ standard response to the lewdness was to huff with indignation - punch the weirdo in the shoulder gently - and wander off to the bathroom.

So that’s what he had also done on that occasion.

The bathrooms were quite unique too. Roxas had sat in some pretty bizarre bathtubs. But there was one which was by far the worst.

“Where the hell is the bathtub?”

A real low and hearty laughed had followed Roxas in. 

“It’s right there. It’s got water and bubbles in it and everything.”

“ _That_ is _not_ a bathtub.”

“Looks like one to me.”

“That is a fucking aquarium for people!”

How Axel had laughed.

“I swear it’s a tub.”

“I swear it’s a fucking nightmare.”

“Or a delicious wet dream, hmm.”

Roxas had felt ill. 

“I’m not getting into that thing. You can forget it.”

“Oh c’mon, don’t be such a guppy.”

Roxas had wished that looks could maim, because the daggers had been flying.

“It’s _really_ not that bad,” the man had insisted.

“Did you pick this thing on purpose?” Roxas’ eyes had narrowed to near slits.

There had been denial and feigned ignorance. “Me? Never! I didn’t know what was in here before I picked it. They show the main bedrooms. The bathrooms however -,” he had shrugged for an answer.

“If I get in this thing -”

“ _When_ you get in this thing,” the man had corrected.

“ _If_ I get in this thing you are _not_ allowed to look.”

“I’ll keep my eyes firmly planted on the ceiling. Like that time there was nothing but the bath. Not even a bedroom. Just… a bath. Remember that?” he had chuckled.

Roxas had rolled his eyes and kicked the other man out. He then had spent some time inspecting the completely see through plexiglass sorry excuse for a ‘ _bathtub_ ’.

It had sent a chill through Roxas.

Though probably against his better judgement Roxas had gotten in. He had wondered what the point was of bubbles if the sides and bottom of the tub were completely transparent. 

Roxas had sat pressing himself to the opposite side of wherever lanky limbs stood in relation to the tub, when the man had come in.

He had walked around the whole thing, which of course stood in the middle of the room, like a glorious ornament.

“Stop walking around and just get yourself _in_ here already,” Roxas had growled.

“I’m just stretching my legs,” the smug smirk had engulfed his entire face. “But I’m happy to hear you’re so eager to have me join you,” came the purr and green eyes had drifted down reflexively to look at Roxas.

“Hey buster, eyes up to the sky.”

“Or what? You gonna get up and leave?” had been the chuckling response.

The whole situation had felt like an awful trap once more. But despite that Roxas had actually enjoyed himself… _a little bit_.

Once the man had joined Roxas, he had felt far more at ease.

“Who the hell even designs these things? What’s the point?”

“You are just the cu-” 

Roxas had glared.

There had come a hearty laugh and a change of words, “-I mean most adorable butternut squash I’ve ever come across. Whaddaya _think_ this bath is good for?”

“Absolutely nothing. This bath fails at being a tub at it’s very core.”

“Ouch, I’m glad it doesn’t have feelings, or you’d surely have broken Mr. Squeaky’s widdle heart by now, with how hard you’re rejecting him.”

Roxas had rolled his eyes at how ridiculous the other man had been.

“Poor widdle Mr. Squeaky,” Axel had pouted and sulked.

Roxas had sighed and patted the lip of the bath, “There, there. Mr. Squeaky. Roxas didn’t mean anything by it. It’s your parents that have failed you by making you what you are. - _There_ , is that better?”

Axel’s pout had been extinguished by a grin and chuckle. “Yup.”

That in turn had put a smile on Roxas as well.

“But you really can’t see the application for a tub like this, in a really sexy context?”

“Nope. Nothing sexy about this thing.”

“Oh I beg to differ. I’m getting hard just _thinking_ about watching your precious arse all pressed up against the bottom.” The redhead had leaned over the side of the bath, trying to get a look.

“Hey, stop that, _right now_!” Roxas had commanded and sent a deluge of bathwater and foam towards the cheeky fuck.

The drenched man had spluttered and wiped the foam off his face, leaving a big grin behind. “Oh, sorry. Yeah, I should be more considerate and give you something to get off on too. Well… hmm… let me see…”

“No, that’s not -”

But Roxas had been completely ignored.

“I could go get myself off in the shower over there,” had been said with a pointed finger, “and you press yourself against the side here. So that way you can watch me and I can watch you. Sound fair and square?”

Roxas had choked on his suddenly all too viscous spittle.

“No,” Roxas had groaned. “It sounds awful!”

“Sounds pretty fucking sexy to me.” Lips had been licked and a smirk had flowered.

“You’re gross and that’s never gonna happen,” Roxas had squeaked.

“Ah, never say never.”

Roxas had been very hot when he left Axel’s company that particular evening.

But lucky for Roxas he didn’t have to relive that embarrassment. Axel seemed to put more effort into making certain that the rooms they chose from then on in didn’t contain see through bathtubs.

Roxas liked Axel making sincere efforts to ensure his comfort. Sure… the man would push the boundaries, but then - once it was firmly established that the redhead had overstepped - he pulled right back.

Except for the round beds. That joke - he kept pulling once in a blue moon.

Days and weeks flew by.

They always bathed and talk. Roxas always initiated the washing ritual. 

He’d stare at red and green until not seeing purple really bothered him. He didn’t exactly know why it bothered him so much, but it did. Maybe he had a secret cleaning fetish? Maybe he liked having an excuse to be so close to the other man? Maybe he liked seeing Axel’s true face?

He couldn't say.

But Roxas was in the middle of this activity one evening and really enjoying himself. The bathtub was impossibly small. Roxas had his legs folded in front of himself and pressed against Axel’s chest. Long legs were delightfully cradling Roxas’ sides, and crossed behind his back. This way of sitting, which had caused Roxas so much disdain when it had first happened, was rather pleasant now. 

“You know the girls down by accounting have been giving me more compliments than usual,” was the casual conversation, while Roxas was tenderly wiping away under one of the green eyes.

“Oh, _more_ than usual, huh? Have you finally learned some manners? Is that what they’re so happy about?”

“Hey, hey! Just because I don’t show you any doesn’t mean I got none at all.”

“What a likely story,” sniggered Roxas, dipping the washcloth back into the water to start on the other cheek.

“Whatever. I don’t need you to believe me. The truth is the truth regardless.”

Roxas nodded and hummed derisively. 

“So what are these compliments about then?” Roxas asked, just because he knew that the pompous ass enjoyed blowing his own horn.

“Mmm, they’ve been saying how nice my skin’s been looking.”

“Yeah?” Roxas spoke with indifference, paying close attention to the task at hand instead.

“Yeah. I told them I’ve got a new skin care regime. But how do I tell them that it involves a little runt with a weird face washing fetish? I’m not willing to share though. Where do I direct them so they can pick up their very own Roxas, huh?” 

Roxas couldn’t help the eyeroll which was elicited by that smirk. But he also had to fight really hard to suppress the smile.

“You could always direct them to my parents. They might be able to help.”

Axel let out a hearty laugh and ruffled Roxas’ hair with great affection. That did break Roxas and put a smile on his face.

Roxas had learned to accept, and for the most part ignore the heavy thump of his heart against his chest, whenever he was so close to Axel. But sometimes, in moments like these, he took notice.

Roxas discarded the cloth and looked at his handiwork with self satisfaction.

He was met with a smiled, but Axel’s cheer melted somewhat after a few moments.

“What’s wrong?”

“Well nothing much really. I like that you take such an interest in stripping off my makeup.”

“But?” Roxas tilted his head a little.

Axel chuckled with amusement in the back of his throat, rubbing more at the side of Roxas’ head.

Roxas melted at the touch and leaned into it, closing his eyes momentarily. It was easier for Roxas to let himself be like this with the man of late.

“Why don’t you enjoy watching me strip down as much as you enjoy stripping the makeup off?” that voice sounded pitifully sulky.

Roxas’ eyes drifted open again.

He was greeted with pouting lips.

“Why do you want me to look at you when you get naked?”

Axel's hand stopped massaging Roxas behind the ear and slipped away.

“I don’t appreciate you answering my questions with your own questions. It’s the height of rudeness,” came the whine. “And here you were saying _I_ have no manners, tut, tut.”

Roxas shook with laughter. Ripples cascaded outwards. The sea of foam around the two men rose and fell gently.

Pouting lips seemed to lack resolve and morphed into a smile. It caught Roxas’ breath and stilled the bubbles of mirth leaking out of himself.

“I haven’t lived your lifestyle. I’m not used to looking at people getting naked,” he shrugged.

“Ahh yes. I need to remember that you are vanilla.”

Roxas nodded.

“Well I'm here to spice you up. Add a bit of bite to you. And what better way to do that than getting you to look at me while I strip for you?”

“I don't think I need any spice in my life,” denied Roxas.

A warm laugh rolled out and across the sea of foam.

“I think we had this conversation before. If you didn't like this you wouldn't be here. And this is _hardly_ vanilla.”

“You ever consider that this _could_ be vanilla for me _?”_

The man pondered that for a moment. Finger tapping on chin thoughtfully.

Smoldering eyes fixed upon Roxas, setting his pulse on fire.

Legs squeezed around and pulled Roxas closer towards the man's chest.

Gravely timber shook Roxas core, “If this is your vanilla then I can _hardly_ wait to see what's to _come_ once I spice you up.”

Roxas was blissfully hot. Sweat was even beginning to gather on his brow.

He felt delighted to be like this with the other man. But he still pushed against that chest with his legs, to show defiance.

“You're terrible,” Roxas huffed in amusement.

“Yeah, I know.” Eyes peeled off Roxas’ lips. “But tell me how to unlock the spicy cinnamon flavored Roxas. How can I make you get better at looking at me?”

“Cinnamon? What makes you think I’d be cinnamon?”

“Because you look like a cinnamon roll, duh,” the man laughed.

Roxas scrunched his face up in confusion and brushed it off. 

“Whatever. Why do I need to get better at looking at you?”

“Well, I already know how incredible this body is,” he gestured at himself.

Roxas snorted.

“Eh, you laugh now but once you see it all I bet you'll change your tune. I strip for your benefit, not mine, ya know.”

“Oh, for _me_ is it?”

Redhead nodded. Hair loosened out of the bun. “Yeah,” a lusty and wanting hum strummed Axel’s vocal chords.

That low rumble traveled straight into Roxas’ chest. His stomach squeezed. A sharp and uncomfortably pleasant wave rolled through his spine.

“Why?”

“Always so full of questions,” came the tease.

“Answer it though,” he prompted.

“I’m a show-off. I want you to see me. I want you to want me - And before you ask,” he cut Roxas off before Roxas could get the words out, “It’s because I want you. I liked what I saw back then, and I always get what I want. Even if it takes me a year and a half - or more.” That cheeky smile widened and green eyes squeezed almost shut with joy.

The mirth left Roxas though. His fingers and toes felt inexplicably cold, despite the steam which rose from the bath.

Sometimes Roxas forgot that the redhead just wanted one thing from him.

Roxas patted one of the man’s knees, indicating that he wanted to move. 

He was released. 

Roxas slid back to his side of the tiny bathtub. Their knees still touched and legs were pressed against one another.

“You ok, Roxas?”

“Yeah, yeah. Just getting cramped.”

Roxas squeezed out a fake smile.

“Other than the girls in accounting did anything else happen today?”

Roxas knew that would get the man going, and would allow him to just tune out for a bit and sit with his thoughts.

“ _Yeah actually… Upper management decided…_ ”

Despite all the talking they did Roxas had only learned the bare minimum about the man over the weeks. He knew Axel worked for a large company in the marketing department. He figured it was the reason why the redhead managed to make himself look so appealing. 

Sometimes Roxas wondered if Axel thought of himself as a product that had to be nicely packaged and made desirable so that others would want and crave him. It seemed to fit with what the man had told him about waiting for Roxas to want him.

Roxas had divulged his own employment status at one point. When Axel found out Roxas was an ‘ _IT Nerd_ ’, as he had called him, he had laughed loudly and seemed to take Roxas’ addiction to sweet things as a job hazard. He (and sometimes rightfully so) assumed the sugar was there to help keep Roxas awake.

“ _And everyone’s been putting…_ ”

Most nights, after they finished soaking in the bath, they spent several hours together watching television programs or renting movies. Roxas had vehemently expressed his disdain at the porn the man had tried to push onto Roxas. After enough protests Roxas had managed to extinguish that behavior within the redhead. They mostly watched sitcoms, reality TV cooking shows and documentaries now.

Roxas’ mind was brought back to the room when he noticed Axel gathering himself up. 

“They keep asking me to do overtime, but I’m all like ‘ _Hell no. Not on days when I’m with Roxas’_.” the man continued to chatter on while he made a show of getting out of the bathtub.

As usual Roxas averted his eyes as gangly limbs rose out of the foam. 

“Well I don’t really tell them _that_ or there’d be questions and then I’d have to explain myself -” 

He only dared to look once that porcelain buttock was facing him. Roxas felt himself really enjoying that sight over the weeks. 

It caused a quiet grumble inside of himself though. 

_“They’d all want a piece of you, if that happened. Then there’d probably… ”_

Axel just kept chatting on, not caring if Roxas was paying attention.

And he really wasn’t.

He was too busy drinking up the sight of the other man. With time he had begun wanting to touch and feel those taut muscles, which subtly rippled under skin. If Axel had a plan to get Roxas to sleep with him it seemed to be working, in some small way. 

The thought of it certainly didn’t terrify him as much as it once had. But Roxas didn’t want to be used. Roxas didn’t want to be another feather in the man’s cap. 

_“... secret ingredients are gonna be used for the cook-off tomorrow... ”_

Most nights he was able to push the worry of himself just being another conquest aside. Roxas chose to focus on the fact that they seemed to genuinely enjoy each other’s company. 

They laughed, they joked. They talked about inane things.

“... _maybe something awful like peas..._ ”

Roxas tried to convince himself that he was bathing and spending time with Axel purely because it was infinitely better than returning to his small apartment after work.

Which it was. No doubt about it. It was fun to be surprised by rooms. It was nice to be away from the creeping and weeping sounds of his space. 

But was it alright for him to be doing this with the redhead?

“... _imagine if they used that in mimosas…”_

Roxas wondered if he should try and meet more people. Increase the pool of acquaintances he could go out and be with. But that lead Roxas to think about how he probably wouldn’t enjoy himself half as much if he was with someone else.

He liked spending time with Axel.

That thought unsettled him a little.

When he was with this crazy guy Roxas didn’t even miss his headphones. Even when they weren’t talking, but just immersed in the quietude of the bathroom or hotel room sounds, it was still nice and pleasant. Being with Axel was nice and pleasant.

_“Kairen always makes the maddest desserts with really weird shit!”_

He liked Axel. He liked the way he laughed, he liked the way he made lewd comments. He liked his face, eyes, and body. Right now he really liked the way Axel stood under the hot shower spray. 

The way hands skidded over cream skin - washing off the bathtub soap suds - made Roxas all too frequently fantasize about Axel doing the same to him.

Roxas felt hot just looking at the man. He loved the heat he received from being around Axel. He wished it could remain in his body forever. But it always faded too fast once they left the hotel room.

“ _R-_ ”

Roxas always regretted having to go home, alone.

The cold air felt harsher every time he left. He suspected that it wasn’t _just_ because summer had faded and winter was approaching.

A sharp sound drew Roxas out of his thoughts.

“- _as_. Hello, Earth to _Roxas_.”

Instantaneous heat rose to Roxas’ cheeks. 

He had been caught out. 

Axel was looking at Roxas looking at Axel. 

A wicked smirk spread its wings across the man’s smug face. “So you _have_ been watching.” The self satisfaction ran rampant in his tone of voice.

Hands began to run down the length of that delicious body, with great purpose and no haste.

“You really _aren’t_ vanilla, huh. Good. I’m really glad. And kinda turned on right now at what a voyeur you are, _Roxas_.”

His name was trilled and left such a sexy smile on those lips.

Roxas couldn’t - or didn’t want to look away. He followed those delicate long fingers as they traveled from slender neck down to pectoral muscles. Fingers rested there for a while, flicking and brushing over pert nipples. Slow circles were drawn over chest and Roxas’ eyes followed, wondering what it must feel like to be those fingers.

“Mmm, _Roxas._ ”

Always with that smile. Roxas wanted to moan.

Fingers continued on their journey down the valleys and plains of the man’s abdomen.

Roxas watched slender digits run parallel to equally fiery red hair which snaked its way down that completely kissable belly. The man was certainly a natural redhead. No doubt about it.

“I’ve been waiting _so long_ for you to look at me, _Roxas_.”

Roxas drew a shaky breath into tight lungs. He found himself biting at his lips.

Fingers entered the forest of well maintained and densely packed short hairs. 

He still couldn't - _didn't_ \- look away.

Something swelled, fluttered and stirred deep within his gut. Roxas’ pulse traveled downwards in sharp bursts. The sensation grew harder every time Axel said his name and curled his lips.

Roxas exhaled forcefully, finally snapping his eyes away as fingers began trailing down that engorging penis.

He regretted it almost immediately though. His eyes wanted to linger. Roxas wanted to drink in that sight. The teasing redhead hadn’t been wrong. Roxas’s tune had changed in a heartbeat.

But Roxas was too stubborn. He didn’t want to let the man win.

He heard the sounds of disappointment. His name was called out pleadingly, but Roxas trained his eyes firmly on the bubbles in front of himself.

“ _Roxas_ , Rox, please look at me. _Please_. _Roxy_.”

“ _Roxy?_ ” Roxas threw out an affronted glare. 

No one but his mom or Melissa were allowed to call him that.

He was met with a pleased smile. 

Roxas chastised himself for just having given the man what he had wanted. 

He grumbled in the back of his throat and looked away again.

Roxas ignored the way his hot pulse traveled down his own shaft, making the water around him seem a lot cooler than it actually was.

Groaning frustration sounded from the shower. 

“Fine, be like that. I know I’m slowly wearing you down. I know you find me incredibly hot.”

“Oh please. Flatter yourself anymore and your skinny arse will turn into a pancake.”

“Oh… like this?”

The man turned around and smooshed his backside against the glass.

Despite trying not to look Roxas couldn’t help himself. 

He chortled. 

* * *

 

The redhead had eventually left the shower, but returned shortly thereafter wearing a fluffy white bathrobe. He carrying another one in his hands for Roxas. 

“Look what I ordered for us!” he shook the bathrobe enticingly in front of himself. “They’re still nice and warm. And sooo fluffy. Let me put it around you.”

Roxas’ look said it all.

“Oh c’mon! Why’s everything a fight with you?”

‘ _Because you like it that way,’_ thought Roxas. He cocked an eyebrow in answer.

“I’ll close my eyes,” and he did.

“You’re terrible at dressing me with your eyes open. Why should I trust you to do a better job with them closed?”

“Huh?”

“That night I was out cold… you put my jeans on backwards.”

“Oh yeah!” came a jovial laugh. “It was too late by the time I realized what I had done. I didn’t want to undress you and fix the mistake. I know - it’s ridiculous. As _if_ I wouldn’t want to undress you. But getting them on the first time was hard enough. I can’t believe you didn’t wake up,” mused the man thoughtfully.

“I can’t either. I can’t believe you bothered to dress me.”

“Well I couldn’t leave you there all naked and cold, right?”

Roxas felt his skin prickle. It became a bit hard to swallow.

“Technically, you could have.”

“Sure, but I didn’t want to miss out on the fun.”

Roxas groaned. “Pervert.”

“That’s my name, don’t wear it out. Now c’mon. This robe ain’t gonna stay toasty for much longer.”

Bathrobe was shaken tantalizingly and eyes closed once more.

“Besides, it’s not _that_ hard to put on a bathrobe. So you can trust me. Just stick your hands through. I’ll manage the rest.”

Roxas refused to answer for a few beats. It felt like giving in too easily to the man would be detrimental to… _something_.

He hummed in thought.

“C’mon,” was the plea.

A few more relaxed breaths passed.

“Alright. I _will_ put my fate in your hands… just this once. So don’t mess up. It’s not gonna end well for you if you do.”

“I take my job very seriously,” the man grinned and raised eyebrows in joy, while maintaining tightly shut eyelids. He shook the bathrobe yet again. “Now c’mon already.”

Roxas rose… but quickly dunked back in before he got too far. “You _sure_ you can’t see anything?” he spoke with suspicion rife in his voice.

“Pretty sure. Go on test me. Hold up some fingers.”

Roxas stuck his middle finger out.

“And be more mature about it than giving me the finger,” the man laughed.

“Hey!” 

Louder laughter erupted. “What? Really? That was a complete fluke, I swear. I can’t see shit, so just come on out of there.”

Roxas rose from the bathwater with a delicate smile illuminating his face. He stepped out of the tub. 

“Whatever you’re doing it sounds really sexy. I’d love to see you get out of there all dripping wet. Foam sliding off your body like -”

“Oh my God, I’m gonna hop right back in if you finish that sentence.”

Redhead shook with repressed laughter.

Roxas stepped closer to the man, feeling nervous. Being naked in front of him, even if he couldn’t see, was intimidating. Roxas’ heart raced. He wanted to desperately be covered up.

So he quickly closed the gap between them and threaded arms through sleeves. He pressed his back into the held out robe.

A soft chuckle escapes out of the taller man. 

Roxas was pulled into a far too pleasing embrace.

Hot fingers ghosted over, and caresses Roxas’ skin as they pulled soft fabric across his chest.

Flesh prickled against that touch.

The robe closed around him.

Roxas had never experienced being pressed against the man’s chest like that before. Roxas pushed against him. 

Arms tightened around his body, tying up the front. 

A shiver ran through Roxas’ spine. He leaned against the firm radiating heat behind himself, exhaling with contentment. 

“It really _is_ warm,” he murmured.

“I knew you’d like it,” Axel breathed into Roxas’ ear.

That startled Roxas out of his wave of pleasure. He pulled away, and walked out without a word.

What awaited Roxas in their little bedroom were trays of desserts, sitting at the end of the bed.

The man had certainly made good on his promise to provide Roxas with sweet treats.

It had become part of their evening ritual.

Roxas cheerfully settled down with cake and a big sea salt milkshake - something Roxas never knew existed until he had discovered it on this particular hotel's menu. 

On having seen the excitement on Roxas’ face Axel had proceeded to buy him one every time they came here. This hotel very quickly became Roxas’ favorite. 

Long limbs plonked down on the other side of the bed, grabbed a drink and snuggled against pillows.

Both men relaxed and spent their time watching several shows. 

They threw out guesses regarding who would be eliminated next on the cooking program they both enjoyed watching. Both turned into detectives while watching a ‘ _who done it_ ’ program. And they laughed at other inane content. Idly chatting about the unrealistic nature of some of the scenarios which occurred on whatever sitcom was playing at the time.

“I wonder if anyone would ever make a sitcom or show about how we met,” pondered Roxas aloud as he went to grab another cup of pudding.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“What you were doing for a whole year was kinda ridiculous, don’t you think?”

“You calling me cheesy?” accused the redhead with faux offense. 

“You’re a double cheeseburger with extra cheese sans meat patty,” nodded Roxas, while shovelling the creamy chocolate pudding into his mouth. “And you’re probably also missing some buns,” he asserted. 

A high-pitched squeak sounded, “My buns are _very_ fine and present, thank you very much!” He stole the pudding right from under Roxas’ nose.

“Hey! Give that back!”

Roxas lurched forward, trying to reclaim his lost prize.

“Na-ah!” 

The precious cup was held high above their lounging forms.

The man seemed to be enjoying the way Roxas was beginning to crawl all over him in order to retrieve the dessert.

“Plus I now know for certain that you _have_ been watching my _buns_. For how long Roxas? Since the first day? Tell me and I’ll give you the pudding. Bet it was since the first day. Maybe even before then. On the train, watching my sexy backside leaving you every day.”

“Oh please! Your head’s gonna explode with your inflated ego. I had way better things to look at on the train. Only reason why my eyes fall on your butt now is coz there’s nothing else to really see. Especially not in the front,” complained Roxas, trying to reach up and grab at the cup.

A shocked squeak escaped the redhead. “You insult me so and then dare to eat _my_ pudding?”

“It’s mine. You don’t even seem to like eating sweet things!” decried Roxas, still straining to get his hands on the cup.

“I bought it with my money. So it’s mine.”

“Yeah but you bought it for _me_ , so it’s actually mine,” Roxas shot back into Axel’s face. 

It loomed too large and too close all of a sudden. Their noses almost touched. Embarrassment ripped Roxas out of his joviality. He grew painfully aware of his predicament.

He was straddling that slender waist, and his arm was slung over an equally slender shoulder for support.

Realizing what he was doing Roxas maneuvered off the redhead and sat back on his haunches in disgruntled defeat. He pouted heavily at the bedspread and puffed out ruddy cheeks.

“You don’t really mean that about my sexy front, right? The front’s just as good, if not _better_ than the back, right?”

Roxas shrugged, maintaining his pout. He wasn’t sure if the man laid his insecurities on so thick for show or not, but it was still kind of endearing.

“What’s that shrug s’posed to mean?”

“Means I don’t know,” muttered Roxas. “I haven't seen enough to make a judgement.”

“Ooooh, well that can be fixed. No worries. Too easy!”

Roxas rolled his eyes and groaned in pain.

A loud laugh rang out and then the pudding cup was offered to Roxas under his nose. 

He grabbed it gleefully, threw himself against his pillow and finished devouring it, savoring the victory.

Soft chuckles sounded. “You’re so easy to please.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.” 

Roxas side eyed the man with a glare and kept shovelling the pudding.

An amused huff escaped the redhead. “You know that’s a lie, right?” 

“What is?” Roxas prompted between mouthfuls.

“Me not liking sweet things.” He reclined as well, hands behind his head, and grinning wildly at Roxas in a devilish way. 

Roxas just knew something inappropriate was coming. But he invited it anyway with a heavy sigh and a resigned, “Go on then.”

“I’m just saving myself for the sweetest treat of them all. A delicious cinnamon roll.”

Roxas rolled his eyes at the way green leered at him and the way tongue licked lips. But inside of Roxas, the very top of his stomach swelled with excitement.

Roxas threw his already empty pudding cup into the bin, next to the television. He raised himself and went to fetch another tasty treat only to discover that everything was gone.

“Hey, can we order some more?” Roxas looked back plaintively.

“Good god, kiddo, slow down! Or you’ll eat me out of house and home,” was the response laden with laughter.

“Pleeeeease?” Roxas tried his best ‘ _puppy dog_ ’ eyes but it only resulted in more laughter. 

The remainder of shocking red hair fell out of that haphazard bun he always wore when they bathed. “As your dealer I gotta be honest with you... I think you’re sugared up enough for one night. So I’m cutting you off.”

“Oh c’mon! Just _oooone mooore_!” begged Roxas, playing along with the role of an addict.

“Nuh-ah. All these desserts and you haven’t even worked off any of that excess energy yet. No more until you do some _exercise_ with me.”

Roxas was getting used to all the insinuations and winks by now. He always tried to roll his eyes - show some disdain - but it was getting harder the more time they spent together. 

The smiles seemed to come out more readily. Axel was becoming rather endearing.

“Guess I’ll just have to go without, and hold you responsible for the inevitable sugar crash.”

“Do what ya gotta do,” was the casual response. “I don’t feel bad about it.”

“So cruel,” sulked Roxas.

“It’s for the greater good,” the redhead spoke solemnly. 

Roxas returned from his search for sweets at the end of the bed, and flopped back onto his pillow, thoughtfully.

Something that had been said really bothered Roxas.

“That’s the third time you’ve called me a kid. How old do you think I am? You’re not some extra weird kind of a pervert and hoping I’m sixteen or something, right?” That thought really alarmed Roxas.

“Well I know you work at something _other_ than a fast food joint, so that kinda rules that one out, don’t ya think?”

Roxas shrugged. “I dunno.”

“It’s just how I talk. Sorry if it freaks you out. If I had thought you were below age of consent I would never have stood in front of you. Does that make you feel better?”

“I guess,” muttered Roxas quietly.

“Oh cheer up. While you do look kinda young you’d have to be old enough for your parents to not care where you are at this time of night. So I’d estimate - early twenties? Twenty-one, or twenty-two at most.”

“I’m twenty-five, thank you very much,” stated Roxas defensively. 

“Oh, a big boy, huh?” 

“Oi!” Roxas shot him an affronted look.

A chesty laugh rolled out of thin frame and straight through Roxas.

The smug smirk turned into something a little more sultry. Heavy lidded eyes fell onto Roxas. “Mmm, I don't mean anything by it. Twenty-five’s a nice age.”

“Don’t look at me like I’m a well ageing wine.”

The redhead rolled over onto his side, propped his head up with one arm, and did the exact opposite of what Roxas had ordered.

“I was thinking more along the lines of a cool and refreshing glass of something bitter sweet. But maybe you’re right. You’re more like a short shot of sickly sweet ice wine. That actually suits you really well,” he grinned in satisfaction.

Roxas looked away, but he knew the way his chest was heaving to be a dead giveaway as to the effect that man was having on him. 

He tried to deflect the attention away from himself. 

“What about you? How old are you?”

“You made me guess, so I’ll make you guess.”

Roxas gave him another sidelong glance. Roxas never dared to give himself much time or space to look at the other man’s body, especially not when green eyes were looking at him. 

What had happened in the shower a little while ago had been the height of embarrassment. But right now - he felt he had a legitimate reason to look. Plus the man wasn’t completely naked. So that helped.

He sat up and faced him, turning the fleeting glance into a more detailed character study. 

The way he lay on the bed caused flutters to erupt.

The bathrobe was falling off his shoulders from Roxas’ previous climb all over the man. The slight defined smooth chest lay exposed, and the bathrobes fabric was bunched up around that slim waist and hips. 

The image of pale nakedness in the shower flashed before Roxas’ eyes. There was something so ridiculously hot about the redhead.

Roxas found himself struggling to not think about running his hands and lips over that body.

A contented hum of approval sounded, pulling Roxas out of his racing fantasies. Roxas could see how much the man enjoyed being eyed off. He was anything but subtle, that was for sure. His eyes were half lidded and a broad, peaceful albeit also purely indulgent smile was etched onto lips.

Roxas’ eyes wandered to the arm, so casually slung over hip and playing with one of the ties on the wonky bathrobe. Roxas really wanted to be held again by those long but seemingly strong limbs. They always looked so comfortable.

 _Axel_ looked comfortable.

As Roxas’ pulse quickened and sent sharp throbs further down his body than he was comfortable with he looked away, and hazarded a guess, “Twenty-seven.”

A low throaty laugh emanated. “Would that age make you feel better?”

Roxas’ eyes returned to green, in questioning wonder. “You’re younger?”

A chuckle.

“You flatter me so. Thirty.”

“No way!”

The man looked a bit affronted. “Whaddaya mean _‘no way’?”_

“There’s no way you are mature enough to be thirty.”

A loud gasp rolled through the room. Green eyes went wide and he covered gaping mouth with his free hand.

Roxas began laughing at how ridiculous the other man looked. 

In a flash, red launched himself onto Roxas, sending them both toppling backwards. Long fingers began digging into armpits, around the nape of Roxas’ neck, and even dipping between folds of the bathrobe to tickle ribs and stomach.

“How dare you not have respect for your elders. How dare a little woeful-sugar-filled twerp, who wears headphones all the time, because of a conditioned called _‘life’_ getting him down, talk to me like that,” he hollered.

Roxas’ laughter only grew more shrill as he squirmed in delight underneath torturous fingers.

“Stop, _Stop_!,” screamed Roxas, unable to breathe.

“Only when you admit how wise I am,” he lorded over Roxas, fingers refusing to abate.

Roxas felt warmth envelop his thighs and a weight settled there, as limbs straddled him. 

The tickling intensified.

Roxas curled into the fetal position as best he could, trying to protect himself. But fingers were already dug too far into his robe.

Roxas howled, tears streaming down his face. “I’m sorry. _I’m sorry_!”

His lungs began to burn with desperate need for oxygen.

“Not good enough, Roxas!” giggled the man above him, clearly enjoying their romp.

“You are - so wise - and mature. Just please - stop!” Roxas tried again, screamed with laughter. 

_Finally!_

Fingers and hands stilled. But they remained against Roxas’ bare skin.

So _warm_.

Roxas rode out the waves of laughter, and slowly unfurled himself. 

He looked up at red, green and purple. 

Axel looked down at Roxas with a much too affectionate smile on his face.

The sight of that gaze caused Roxas’ breathing to settle and still in an instance. Yet burbles of laughter still wracked his body from time to time. Especially when fingers began to gently stroke the flesh beneath them.

Roxas’ cheeks began feeling hot. His eyes drifted away. It was hard to look up into that face.

Awareness of his current disheveled state was brought to Roxas’ attention. He could feel cool air hitting various parts of his exposed body. It was a bit hard to care though when he received so much enjoyment from feeling tender caresses against his skin. He delighted in how delicious and warm those hands were against his always too cold flesh. 

The lure of Axel’s true face hovering above him drew Roxas’ eyes back up. He drank up the sight of that genuine joy which washed over, and lit up green eyes. It was akin to the expression Roxas had seen on that man's face in the glamor shots on that day when Roxas had apologized. But… more intense.

“ _Axel_.” 

The name left Roxas’ throat in a breathy fashion. It felt nice. 

He watched that chest above him heave. Axel softly tilted his head to the side. Roxas hadn’t thought it possible, but the smile Axel held somehow grew even bigger.

Why hadn’t he said the man’s name out loud before now? 

Roxas clasped Axel’s bathrobe lapels and pulled the man down closer towards himself. Roxas could feel the shallow warm breaths on his face. 

He could see green eyes darting, searching for something. 

He watched them continuously returning to linger on Roxas’ parted lips.

“What do you want, Roxas?” There was pent up smokey lust in that question.

Roxas became lost in a dreamy cloud. All of Axel’s movements seemed slow and drawn out. Fingers danced and caressed Roxas’ sides, grazing across ribs and hard nipples. Both their chests rose and fell in such a strained fashion. They seemed to echo each other's needs and desires.

Roxas could feel Axel’s lap straddling him. He could feel bare, hot, searing skin against his own cool icy one. It was delicious. He wanted more. He wanted to be completely naked and have Axel pressed against him. He wanted to listen to the man’s heartbeat drown out the uncomfortable sounds of Roxas’ life.

“I want…”

Roxas swallowed hard. His eyes instinctively drifted down to lips.

His breath grew excessively labored. 

He couldn’t.

Roxas shut his mouth and shifted. He pulled Axel down onto the bed and simultaneously turned his back towards the man. Roxas pushed himself against Axel’s chest, and pulled a slender arm over and around himself. He snuggled that arm like it was a pillow.

“I want to go to sleep,” muffled Roxas into Axel’s hand, which he had moved against his face.

Axel shifted slightly, making himself comfortable. He pulled Roxas tighter against his chest.

Roxas shivered at the way Axel's head nestled in his hair, and breathed him in.

“Alright, Roxas,” Axel rumbled in a low bass which vibrated through Roxas’ body.

Roxas’ eyes drifted shut. He focused on their breathing. He focused on the way Axel’s heart beat into his back as he sunk down into warm oblivion.


	9. Digging Too Deep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s not a good conversation to be having.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to be kept in the loop regarding fic news (and see the odd bit of [fanart](https://creamypudding.tumblr.com/post/152918457491/because-i-havent-drawn-in-a-long-time-and-i-am)) follow me on [tumblr](https://creamypudding.tumblr.com/).

Life seemed pretty perfect. 

Shoes stood in front of Roxas.

Nudges were given.

Alleys and roads were traversed.

Strange and not so strange hotel rooms were visited.

Baths were had and beds were lain on.

Copious amounts of desserts and treats were consumed.

Roxas felt happier in his day to day life. He still drowned out the noises of his apartment with his headphones. He still kept his head down at work and got through the daily grind of continuously resetting passwords, fixing printer problems, fixing people’s accidental change of keyboard language preferences, explaining what the work wifi password was, and how to navigate through the intranet, for those old timers who just never seemed to be able to remember basic instructions. And that was all stuff he did on top of his actual tasks of analytics and data entry.

But it didn’t bother Roxas as much, because he knew that once five o’clock hit he would be out of there. Axel would be in front of him for twenty minutes on the days they weren’t together. And on the days they were… oh boy. Five whole hours of fun awaited.

Days with Axel were the highlight of Roxas’ week.

Some days he wondered what would happen if he nudged Axel _every day_. He thought better of it though. They were supposed to be casual, not clingy. Roxas was certain Axel had many other things he had going on in his life. Many other people to see and… hook up with.

It knotted Roxas’ stomach together and made him lose his appetite all too frequently.

Did Axel do all the things he did with Roxas, but with other people? Axel had once said that Roxas was his first bathing experience. That had been special. But there was nothing to say that the man hadn’t started doing that with other people as well. Especially if Axel liked it so much.

Roxas did his best to chase thoughts of that nature away. He focused instead on the good times he was having with Axel.

There were so many of those, after all.

Axel was always working really hard on making Roxas comfortable with looking at him while he undressed.

It always went the same way.

A hot bath. Lots of bubbles. Axel standing proud as punch in front of Roxas, peeling away at his clothes.

Roxas had grown quite comfortable watching the shirt come off. He enjoyed watching fingers trail over supple flesh. 

Something he couldn’t handle too well however were the questions Axel sometimes asked.

_“You ever wonder what I taste like? Coz I wonder what you taste like. Really sweet, I bet.”_

_“You wanna touch me?”_

_“You wanna slide over here and undo some of these buttons yourself?”_

They were mostly throw away remarks, designed to amuse Axel and stir Roxas. But the more Axel asked the more Roxas wanted to _do_.

Roxas’ defiant _no_ ’s turned into amused huffs and averted gazes with passing weeks.

Axel's questions turned to knowing statements, “ _I can see the way you're eyeing me, Roxas. I know you want me._ ”

_“I like that you never deny it.”_

Roxas was slowly being worn down. But the biggest hurdle seemed to be the pants.

Axel had tried talking to Roxas about inane things. The weather - the latest celebrity chef scandal - whether there was any feasible theory that might get their favorite video game characters to sleep together in canon - and what on earth had happened to their favorite band lead singers hair. 

_“I’m telling you he dyed it. There’s no way that’s normal.”_

_“And I’m telling you he’s let it grow out and back to its natural color.”_

_“No way!”_

_“Yes way. Look at your hair. You think you’re the only one blessed with a freakish bright color? Nah-ah! That’s his natural look.”_

They bickered about silly things. They argued about fun things.

All in the name of making Roxas comfortable.

Axel would also sing some of the most ludicrous songs Roxas had ever heard. It made him laugh all too often.

Those things helped to ease Roxas. It made him forget about Axel pulling off his pants… for the most part. But Roxas always felt somewhat embarrassed and looked away in the end.

Roxas could _see_ Axel thinking about how _cute_ Roxas was every time he grew too flustered.

 _“Shut up! Don’t say it!”_ Roxas often complained with pursed lips and a dangerous glare.

It always made Axel chuckle. That planted a smile on Roxas’ face.

Weeks flew by like this, until one day Axel rather sheepishly said to Roxas, “Today is the one day I don’t want you to look at me when I undress. Is that alright with you?”

“Why?” Roxas asked in bewilderment.

“Well… I’ve been… a _bit_ lazy with doing my laundry… so I only had one pair of boxers left. And… ah - they aren’t the most attractive things to look at. So I’d rather not have today be the day you _actually_ watch me get naked.”

“Is this a trick? Are you trying to use reverse psychology on me?” Roxas questioned with an edge to his voice.

“ _Yes_ ,” Axel jumped at the idea. “I totally am. You saw right through me. I’m not clever enough to fool you. What a terrible shame. So just keep doing what you always do and look away, ok?”

Roxas gave Axel a squinty-eyed suspicious look before he averted his gaze when zipper pulled down.

Bright neon colors caught in Roxas’ periphery though, drawing his attention like a moth to a flame. Wild comic book characters were printed on silken shorts. 

Roxas looked, and Roxas laughed. Hard.

“Are those _really_ yours?”

“Shaddap,” Axel whined. “I was young and naive, and really in love with the idea of being able to read people's minds.”

Roxas laughed harder. “No wonder you don’t want anyone to see. They totally destroy your suave outer layer.”

“Ooo, you think I’m suave?” Axel gave Roxas a smoldering and cocksure look. One that would normally have made Roxas gulp and turn away. But all it did was make Roxas laugh louder. 

Those boxers were too ridiculous.

Axel deflated.

“See, this is why I didn’t want you to see. It’s completely ruined the picture you have of me.” He pouted and proceeded to pull the offending garment off in great haste, which caused Roxas to actually shut up and turn his head away. Though he was still shaking with laughter.

The next thing Roxas knew bright colors came hurtling towards him. Roxas caught the boxers square in his face and Axel laughed as he sunk into the warm bath. That had started a play fight, with Roxas soaking the garment in the water, balling it up and pegging it at Axel’s head. By the time they were finished and reduced to fits of giggles the bathroom was in a state of minor flooding.

After that day more bizarre colors caught Roxas' attention. Ridiculous patterned and themed undergarments appeared. Super heroes, popular cartoon characters, retro bands, cute and fluffy animal, various food groups.

If it was ridiculous and embarrassing Axel would wear it. That endeared Axel to Roxas even further.

First it had been the shoes and now it was the underwear. Axel seemed to love to give. And Roxas loved being the recipient of Axel’s silliness. 

He began to eagerly await seeing what hidden secrets would be revealed when business slacks came off.

“ _Is… is that a panda eating an ice cream?_ ”

“ _Yup_.”

“ _It’s so ‘cute’!_ ” Roxas had laughed so hard that tears had come out.

“ _Yeah, I saw it and thought of you._ ”

“ _Oh shut up. Where on earth are you even finding all these things anyway?_ ”

“ _The internet is a strange and wonderful place,_ ” Axel had said solemnly.

The ludicrous undergarments made Roxas feel like it was alright to look. And he continued to look, even when Axel reverted back to wearing more normal boxers and briefs over time.

Axel smiled a lot and Roxas laughed a lot.

Yeah - Life seemed pretty perfect. Weeks continued to bleed into months and they all passed in relative bliss.

Roxas kept reporting to Ventus regarding his activities with Axel. 

“ _I’m glad you two are getting on so well. I’m glad he hasn’t assaulted you._ ”

“That makes two of us,” Roxas laughed.

“ _You really lucked out though that he wasn’t a complete psycho._ ”

“Yeah, I know. Don’t worry, Ven. I’m never doing something that crazy ever again. If I ever want to meet people I’ll do it in more sensible ways.”

“ _Man, that’s a relief to hear. Oh hey, Rox… you guys actually like… serious?_ ”

“Serious?”

“ _Yeah, you know. A couple. An item. A unit. Your yin to his yang._ ”

“N-no. We’re definitely not anything like that.”

Roxas had never told Ventus what the parameters were of the thing the two men shared and did together. Maybe because he wasn’t completely sure himself.

“ _But you guys spend so much time together._ ”

“Yeah and?”

“ _Just… well Liss is wondering if you have the hots for him._ ”

“You sure _you're_ not the one who’s actually wondering?”

“ _Well of course I wonder too. But… it’s mainly Liss,”_ Ventus dismissed quietly.

“There’s nothing you can hide from me either, Ven. I know you’re lying,” Roxas teased.

“ _Yeah, alright. I’m dying of curiosity here. It be nice to see you with someone, you know? And I know you love sticking it to our parents, so I can totally see you in a long term committed relationship with a man and shirking your offspring producing duties by leveraging that on to me and Liss,_ ” Ventus laughed. “ _So c'mon, tell!_ ”

“Nothing to tell. It’s not like that. He’s just… really good company.”

“ _Aaa-ha. Ok. Sure. Still too early, I get it.”_

“What? _No_. It’s not -”

_“- Hey when you gonna send us those photos? You harass me late at night months ago, telling me all about your ‘not’ boyfriend and then don’t even send me any pictures? You are so rude. Who raised you to be that way? Being away from me is doing you no good, Rox.”_

_“_ It’s the big city living. It’s turning me into a cold, pompous, too-busy-for-you kinda bastard, Ven,” Roxas grinned.

“ _You sure it’s not that ‘not’ boyfriend of yours just taking all your time and headspace away? He distracting you with his good looks and charm? Or is it that he’s so butt ugly that you spend all your time trying to hide him from the world? You ashamed of him?_ ” Ventus goaded playfully.

Roxas laughed. “He’s definitely not butt ugly.”

“ _I remember something about - ‘incredible eyes’... was it?”_

“Yeah,” Roxas sighed dreamily, thinking about Axel.

“ _You sigh like that and yet you try to convince me that he’s not anything serious to you? What a joke,_ ” Ventus taunted. 

“Serious is too strong of a word. It’s just a bit of fun.”

“ _Is that what you’re trying to convince yourself this is?_ ”

“Dude, it _is_ just that. We hang out. We have a good time, chilling. Nothing more,” Roxas vehemently insisted.

“ _Are you satisfied with ‘nothing more’?_ ”

Roxas choked a bit.

“ _Mm-hmm. Tell me when you realize that you don’t want it to ‘just’ be a bit of fun anymore, ok? I’ll help you brainstorm how you can win him over."_

“Even if that’s what I wanted - which it totally _isn’t_ \- I wouldn’t need your help.”

_“Yeah but look at which one of us is in an ‘official’ relationship.”_

“Maybe I don’t want to be attached to anyone. I like coming and going as I please. No one to be accountable to. No one harassing me to spend more time with them -”

 _“No one to cuddle at night. No one to come home to. No one to giggle with… oh ‘wait’, you ‘do’ have someone like that, but just refuse to call it what it actually is,”_ Ventus laughed.

Roxas groaned. “It’s _not_ like that. I don’t _want_ that.”

 _“Suuure. Whatever. Again, whenever you wake up to yourself and realize that you ‘do’ want all of that you come to me, ok? But here’s a freebee - You should try opening up to him a little, for a start. Who knows. Something might come of it._ ”

“Thanks for your uncalled for advice. I’ll toss it in the garbage.”

_“Just be sure you put it in the recycling. You’ll never know when you might need it again.”_

Roxas could easily imagine the wink which Ventus had attached to the end of that sentence.

Despite Roxas wanting to deny any attachment or feelings towards Axel, Ventus’ words ate into Roxas gradually over time.

Speaking with Axel about their favorite hobbies, comparing notes regarding their favorite video game series, complaining about shared hates, was all fun and good - but sometimes it also felt really frivolous… and like it wasn’t enough.

It niggled at Roxas.

Some days Roxas wanted to talk about the things that ate away at him at night. He wanted to share his innermost thoughts and desires with someone who cared about him. But… did Axel even _care_? Like _properly_ and _truly_ care?

Did Roxas _want_ Axel to care about him?

He didn’t know. But what he did know was that he wanted a clear definition of what the purpose of all this was.

Days when those wants were the strongest, Roxas felt most unsettled. A gloom nestled in his heart and he found himself retreating into himself.

Being with Axel on those days made him feel worse. Especially when they parted in the late evenings.

Roxas was having an introspective mess of a day when he was sitting in the bathtub with Axel one evening. 

Axel was happily humming away and singing, while Roxas was engaged in his ritual of cleaning Axel’s face. He was comfortably cradled amongst long legs.

**♪** _Rubber Ducky, joy of joys_  
**♪** _When I squeeze you, you make noise_

Axel squeezed Roxas’ sides. Roxas kept the squeak inside himself and rolled his eyes, causing Axel to smile through his next lines.

 **♪** _Rubber Ducky, you're my very best friend it's true_  
**♪** _Every day when I make my way to the tubby_  
**♪** _I find a little fella who's cute and yellow and chubby_  
**♪** _Rub a dub dubby_

Roxas rubbed harder at Axel’s face in protest. Axel was such a stupid goof. It made Roxas’ body buzz, which made him feel more miserable.

 **♪** _Rubber Ducky, you're so fine, and I'm lucky that you're mine_  
**♪** _Rubber Ducky, I’m awfully fond of -_  
**♪** _Rubber Ducky, I'd like a whole pond of -_  
**♪** _Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fond of you!_ **(1)**

Roxas groaned in pain as Axel finished the song, and as he finished wiping Axel’s face clean.

“Are you finally done now?” Roxas bemoaned.

“I could keep going. It’s a really fun song,” Axel chuckled.

“Please don’t,” Roxas muttered.

Normally Roxas would have found it adorable. But not today. No. Axel’s heat, the waters heat, those comforting limbs all around, and that seductive humming timbre and Axel’s charming nature couldn’t shake Roxas out of the sullen mood.

“Aww. What’s the matter with you today, Roxas?”

The question was tender. The thumb against Roxas’ cheek comforting in the way it stroked and rubbed.

It actually helped snap Roxas out of his gloomy cloud for a moment.

Roxas’ eyes fixed on Axel. Seeing those tattoos made him smile. Roxas inhaled a deep breath and decided to venture into uncharted territory. 

“We… never talk about ourselves. I don’t really know much about you.”

“I think you know all the important things.”

“Your favorite car model, food and personal opinions about the Lord Mayor don’t count, Axel,” Roxas tilted his head and his brow furrowed slightly.

Axel’s jaw dropped in faux shock and he muffled out from behind a raised hand, “How _dare_ you.”

A smile squeezed onto Roxas’ face and quiet laughter made him shake lightly. But his face dropped promptly.

“Well. what do you wanna know?” came the invite.

Roxas’ body buzzed with uncertainty. Maybe he shouldn’t go delving. Maybe it would cause more trouble than it was worth. But… something was growing inside of Roxas. How things were right now… while good, wasn’t completely satisfying either.

“How many people have you slept with?” he put out there as a mild curiosity.

Axel looked surprised before he began chuckling, “Is this like a job interview?”

“Huh?”

“You know… a job inte- … oh never mind. I’ve got a lot of experience, Roxas. I’ve done it more ways than you could probably imagine. And I’d be more than happy to teach you,” he grinned. “So you don’t have to worry. I’ll take good care of you whenever you want to take this to the next level.”

Roxas’ heart started pounding with more ferocity. _The next level_. There were _levels_ now?

“I’m not worried about that,” Roxas brushed off uncomfortably. “So quit dodging, and answer the question. How many people?”

Axel scrunched up his face at that. “Geez, bossy much?”

Roxas gave a slight pout.

Axel sighed. “Alright, alright. But if I tell you, you’re gonna have to tell me your number as well, ok?”

Roxas shrugged, unfazed. “Two.”

“Both girls?”

“Yeah.” He played it off as coolly as he could, ignoring Axel’s self satisfied drawn out, _‘I seeeeee’_.

“So c’mon. I told you mine now you tell me yours.”

Roxas watched Axel’s face stretch and scrunch up with laughter. Water rippled and the man shook with the force of his mirth. Strands of red shook loose, framing Axel’s face delightfully.

That laugh made Roxas uncomfortable. He couldn’t tell if Axel was laughing at him or at something else entirely.

Axel wiped at his eyes. “Don’t freak out but… I don’t actually know.”

“What? How can you not know?”

“Ah - well I have fucked a _lot_ of people,” he smiled sweetly.

It stunned Roxas a bit. Sure Axel was attractive and could probably get anyone he wanted but… to not even remember the people he had been with? It made Roxas uneasy.

His brow knitted together, “Define _‘a lot_ ’.”

“Well… I mean, it’s kind of slowed down now that I’m spending so much time with you - but uh… you know,” Axel rubbed at his head forcing more strands to fall, “Every other day I’m not having a bath with you, I’m out there picking up whoever’s interested. And I don’t really make a habit of seeing the same people more than once or twice unless they’re really fucking amazing to fuck. So that kind of adds up over time, ya know?” Axel shrugged casually and picked up the washcloth. 

He started running it over Roxas’ arm with great tenderness.

Roxas’ stomach did not liked that response. Sickening pain and discomfort clenched around him tightly.

“Y-you… don’t want to settle down?”

Why had Roxas asked that? _Urgh_.

Axel’s eyes narrowed a fraction. He looked past Roxas into the void, as if remembering something. Eyes snapped back and a casual smile was flung out, “Do you honestly think I seem like the ‘ _settling down_ ’ type?”

Roxas swallowed down the sea of nausea. He felt even worse because of the care Axel was showing him. Heactually _could_ see Axel settling down. That's what made Roxas uneasy.

“Well maybe one day you might be?” Roxas spoke far too timidly.

Axel’s legs tensed around Roxas, but his face stayed relaxed. His voice continued to flow smoothly, “One day? Pfft. Who cares about the future. Right now is what’s important. And right now I want to try and get as much sex into my life as possible. There are so many people to experience. So many different ways to fuck. I’m gonna miss out if I chain myself to one person. That life’s not for me.”

Roxas felt his body freeze up. He went rigid against Axel’s warm touches, and the man seemed to notice.

Roxas’ arm was lowered, and the wash cloth dipped back into the water.

“But what about you, Roxas? Why are you asking me about stuff like ‘ _settling down_ ’? You worried about something?” An uncertain look washed over Axel.

Mild panic seized Roxas. He didn’t have an answer. Had he stumbled onto something too personal? Was this breaking their _‘casual_ ’ mold?

“N-no. What would I be worried about?” he laughed nervously.

“Well I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking.”

Silence fell between the two of them. Roxas felt like he really shouldn’t have listened to Ventus’ advice. He should have just kept his mouth shut and kept their banter light and fun. Or… maybe Roxas shouldn’t have gone straight into Axel’s sexual history. Probably better to ask him about his family or something. That’s probably more norm-

“You know… ,” hesitant words pulled Roxas out of his thoughts, “You can tell me if you're worried about sex or something like that. I want you to know that I’ll always take good care of you. You don’t have to be scared, if that’s what’s going on.”

Roxas’ mouth hung open for a few moments before he could say anything. “You don’t need to keep telling me that. I’m not… _scared_. I mean… I’ve never been with a guy before, but -”

“Yeah, there is _butt_ stuff, but there’s also other ways to make each other feel _really_ good, ya know?” Axel rubbed gently behind Roxas’ ear. “We wouldn’t have to go _there_ straight away. Though I just need to tell you that it c _an_ be pretty amazing, if you do it with someone who knows what they’re doing,” Axel winked.

Of course the goof would latch onto something like that. Warmth tingled in the pit of Roxas’ stomach. 

“Axel,” Roxas said in an exasperated sigh, and gave him a soft look of amusement. 

An incredibly tender smile was returned “I just want to make sure you aren't under the wrong impression.”

“I know there's more ways for guys to get each other off than just anal.”

“Ok, good. Again… I just wanted to check. Sometimes it can really freak guys out, and then they don’t want to do anything at all, because they don’t realize there _are_ other things to do.”

More silence stretched out.

The washcloth ran over shoulders and up Roxas’ neck.

“Can I ask you something, Roxas?”

Roxas’ eyes were drawn up. A tightness squeezed his chest.

“Yeah?”

Axel grumbled a little in the back of his throat. “If you're not scared then why haven’t we fucked yet?”

Breathing became difficult. A queasiness swirled deep in Roxas’ gut.

“I’m… not ready for that,” Roxas spoke hoarsely.

Axel shifted slightly, drawing a fraction closer to Roxas.

“Screwing each other doesn't have to be a big deal, Roxas. Remember, what we’re doing here is just casual. It doesn't mean anything, so you don’t have to worry, ok?”

Why did that feel like a stab to Roxas’ heart?

“It’s _‘just a bit of fun’_ ,” Roxas reiterated the line that had helped to start this whole thing.

A slight nod. “Yeah, precisely. We’re just here to have a good time. It’s nothing serious. Just something new for you to experience,” Axel smiled with encouraging warmth.

But Roxas couldn't find it within himself to sweep away the frown which had settled on his face.

His heart pounded hard against his chest with upset.

Axel only fucked people once or twice before moving on… 

Roxas didn’t wanted to think about it. He went back to the previous, slightly less innocuous subject of Axel’s sexual history.

“So… would you say - more than _twenty_?”

Axel seemed a bit startled at the change of topic. “Oh most definitely, but why’s that important?”

Roxas didn’t know. “STI’s and stuff,” was the first thing that came to mind.

“I’m clean. I get myself checked out regularly and always use condoms.”

“Yeah, well you could just claim that,” Roxas murmured. 

His mood well and truly sunk through the bottom of the bathtub. He kept his eyes fixed on his knees and his brows felt perpetually knitted.

Axel had stopped washing him, but a hand was still running through Roxas’ hair.

“You want me to bring in a doctor's certificate to prove my clean bill of health?”

With the truth having been revealed Roxas actually contemplated it for a moment, but he thought it probably too rude. “No. It’s fine I guess,” he muttered.

Axel’s thighs squeezed Roxas’ sides as if trying to console him. A finger rubbed behind Roxas’ ear, coaxing Roxas’ eyes back onto Axel.

“Roxas… what’s wrong?” The light in Axel’s face had gone out. Roxas’ mood seemed to be infectious.

Roxas shrugged his shoulders. His head sunk back down. He didn’t know what was wrong. But whatever it was it was _very_ wrong.

“You don’t have to be polite with me. If you want a report of my medical history - if that’s what you’re so concerned about - I’ll do it. If that’s the only thing that’s keeping you from consummating our little weird bit of fun then it’s easily fixed.”

Roxas shook his head. He didn’t want an _easy_ fix. He’d rather not have it fixed at all.

Axel huffed in what sounded like actual frustration.

“I don’t know what’s gotten you so down, then. What are you so worried about? Why don’t you want to just get it over and done with? It’s really not a big deal. It might even make you feel better. You ever think of that?”

Axel’s words hammered into Roxas’ chest.

They hurt.

His head snapped up.

Roxas glared, “ ‘ _Over and done with_ ’. You make it sound like it’s such a chore.” Anger rose inside of Roxas. “And then in the same breath you dismiss it like it’s nothing and completely meaningless.”

Axel’s eyes went wide.

“D-do you want this to be… ‘ _something_ ’?” Axel tilted his head slightly. His fingers stopped rubbing Roxas’ scalp.

 _Shit_.

“No, fuck off,” Roxas spat with venom. He pushed against Axel and moved to his side of the bathtub.

“Why’re you getting so angry then?”

Roxas’ fingers and toes grew cold with anger and sickening upset. “You keep saying this is casual, and like it means nothing. But you go to so much effort trying to get into my pants. You want me to really believe this is ‘ _nothing’_?” Roxas’ tone was too angry and aggravated. 

His heart raced. His stomach knotted into a solid lump, making Roxas feel incredibly unwell.

Axel looked bewildered before his eyes narrowed and harsh words filtered out.

“This _is_ nothing. It’s _supposed_ to be just a bit of fun. Trust me, kid. I’m not hung up on you, so you don’t have to worry about that. If you hadn't agreed to the bath and shown me what a weirdo you are, we wouldn’t even be here. I’ve invested so much time and money into this that I’m not gonna back out now. I’m gonna see it through to the end - Whenever that might be. That is all this is.”

Roxas’ eyes shot up in horror. His heart raced very much like the first day they had come to one of these hotels.

But Axel shook his head and exhaled sharply. “Relax. I’m not gonna force myself on you. You don’t owe me shit. I choose to do this in the vain hope that you’re gonna let me fuck you one day. But if you never put out that’s fine too. I think I’ve come to terms with you being a cock tease.” Axel huffed and looked away from Roxas.

They both sat in a downright sullen mood. Axel glared at the bathroom wall and Roxas glared at Axel’s torso, wishing he could burn the pain that had been inflicted upon him into that bastard's chest.

His pulse raced and rushed. Roxas was feeling too hot and too cold, all at once. He wanted to throw up. The stinging in his eyes was becoming too overpowering.

“I think I’m gonna go,” Roxas murmured conclusively.

Axel’s head snapped back and the glare melted away.

Roxas rose, not giving two shits about being shy. He needed to get out of there. Away from that fuckface. Away before the tears spilled.

“Roxas,” Axel began slowly.

Undeterred Roxas quickly got out, dripping water and suds everywhere.

“I’m not gonna do this again with you for a while,” Roxas muttered, with his back to the shithead. He threw on his clothes in haste. Not caring to even dry off first.

Roxas heard Axel’s sharp exhale. “Fine with me. Gives me more time to go out and find people who actually _will_ fuck me.”

Roxas bit at his lip, fighting against an awful sob.

As he headed to the bathroom door Axel let another dagger fly, “Looks like I’ll even have enough time left to find someone to fuck before I go home tonight.” 

Roxas slammed the door shut.

He gathered his remaining things and left the mountain of sweets untouched. By the time the elevator had reached the foyer Roxas was in tears. 

He fled into the city streets. 

* * *

 

Roxas’ days grew cold and miserable.

Axel just wanted sex out of Roxas. At least it was indisputable now.

It enraged Roxas some days, and other days he told himself to settle the fuck back down. Because Roxas _knew_ what Axel’s aim had always been. Axel had always been honest and upfront with Roxas about that. 

Roxas wasn't sure why he even got so upset about it. Axel was just supposed to be someone to pass the time with. To forget about work with. To have a good time with.

But now Roxas had no distractions because of his hissy fit. He sat cold and lonely on the commute to and from work, day in, day out. Becoming lost in his awful thoughts and anguish. 

The only consolation Roxas had was that Axel was still there. But he stood by the door, much like he had always done before that sweltering summer day over a year ago.

Roxas didn’t venture a look up. He only gazed at shoes. 

But what he saw troubled him.

Roxas didn’t like how Axel had reverted all the way back to being Mr. Business. Aloof and pushy. Glossy business shoes forever tap, tap, tapping with disinterest. Looking like he always had somewhere far more important to be. 

But Roxas knew that those shoes were so much more as well. 

Those shoes were _Axel_. And Axel was funny, endearing, really sweet, warm and thoughtful. Axel and Roxas had a lot in common with each other. Axel _surely_ cared for Roxas… In some small way. Surely… 

That felt important to Roxas. 

The more days passed the sharper loneliness’ edge became and the more Roxas craved what he had lost.

He missed the baths. He missed the heat. He missed Axel’s voice and having someone to talk to and laugh with.

Roxas felt stupid for having thrown it all away, for… _what_? Roxas didn’t even know. Had he gotten upset because Axel didn’t want something ‘ _serious’?_ Had he been upset because of the sheer volume of people Axel had and _was_ screwing?

What should it even matter?

This was probably why Axel kept talking about keeping things casual. Because thoughts and expectations just came around and ruined everything.

Roxas decided that he probably just needed to chill the fuck out about the whole thing. 

The main thing to focus on was that he enjoyed Axel’s company, and Axel seemed to enjoy his as well. Axel found Roxas holding out and being stubborn fun, and Roxas liked getting his social needs met by being with Axel.

This wasn’t anything serious. This was just two guys using each other for their own desires. Where was the harm in any of that? They weren’t hurting themselves or each other.

Roxas told himself once more that he just needed to _chill the fuck out_. It became his mantra after all.

It had been two weeks and Roxas had enough of his stupid moping. So he looked up towards Axel one morning.

He found the man leaning heavily against the door - of course disregarding the sign that clearly stated _not_ to do that.

Roxas smiled, and kept watching the handsome figure through the crowd.

He missed Axel. He missed the striptease, he missed the lewd leers and comments. He missed washing Axel’s face. He missed warm hands in his hair, softly scratching and rubbing.

He sighed.

Roxas didn’t know if his own misery was clouding everything he saw, but Axel looked miserable as well. Eyes were glazed and stared out into the dark subway tunnel beyond, probably seeing nothing but the stormy thoughts racing through his mind.

Or maybe he was thinking about where he was gonna score once the afternoon rolled around.

Roxas couldn’t say.

But he kept looking, willing for Axel to sense him, or some shit like that. He wished he had a connection with Axel like he and Ventus had. They always knew when something was up with the other. Sometimes Roxas swore he could even feel when Ventus was thinking about him.

Roxas startled out of his thoughts when the train rocked to a standstill at a station.

Axel shifted his attention back towards the interior and began moving towards Roxas’ side of the car to exit.

Green swept across the crowded landscape, brushing over Roxas. But green quickly rushed back and locked onto blue when he noticed Roxas eyeballing him.

Roxas’ heart pounded wildly. He gave a warm smile, but felt like it just looked sad. His brows wouldn’t arch up no matter how hard he tried.

Axel gave no emotional response. His face just remained neutral. Almost bored as his body was swept out into the commuter ocean with everyone else. But his head and eyes remained rooted on Roxas until he had been well and truly pushed out of the car.

Roxas hunched over in his seat and stewed.

Axel hadn’t smiled.

Was it… _over_ between them? Was this how it all ended?

Roxas felt crushed by the weight of his misery for the remainder of the train ride to work.

The gloom settled on him and didn’t lift even when he arrived at his office cubicle.

He gazed off into nothingness a great deal that day, often getting startled out of his ponderings by people dumping things on his desk.

Roxas _did_ get up and away from his desk for a bit as there had been a farewell party for someone two floors above his department. But not even the cake had tasted quite as good as it should have.

Roxas just wanted the day to end already.

But when it finally did, the commute back home saw him overcome with anxiety. Did Axel get the message? Would Roxas have to get up and talk to the man, or follow him off at wherever he got off at so they could have a _‘talk’_?

The idea of that sickened Roxas. Talking had landed them in this damnable mess. Roxas didn’t see what it could ever fix.

Anticipation and nerves bubbled up the closer the train drew to where Axel always got on.

The subway _finally_ pulled into stop twenty after what felt like an excruciatingly long time. The tide of people washed in and out. Roxas kept his eye peeled for glossy business shoes, but saw none.

The more he looked, the less he saw, the worse he felt.

He did see black gumboots squelch and clomp onboard. Roxas surveyed them closely. It wasn’t raining or even snowing outside so why… 

The boots pushed through and stood in front of Roxas, causing his heart to flutter and race. A smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. He looked at the little pink love hearts which were scattered all over the black gumboots. 

He hoped they were a message. Something like - ‘ _I’m sorry for being a completely insensitive asshole, Roxas. Each heart is an apology for what a dick I’ve been.’_

Roxas’ thoughts grew the restrained smile on his face. His affections bubbled. He felt so relieved. His chest cavity filled with nervous excitement and he wanted to jump up and give Axel a hug.

But he thought better of it. Instead he gave a casual glance up, but the smile which Roxas had been trying to control sprung free and ran rampant. 

He watched as Axel’s tense and taut expression softened. His smile unfurled carefully.

Roxas felt like his heart could just leap out and join the dozens of little hearts dancing around those gumboots.

Roxas’ foot reflexively kicked out and he tapped boots, never taking his eyes off Axel.

Axel’s smile grew in strength and broadened. 

They stayed together on the train for a while longer. 

Roxas found it hard to keep looking up, so he returned to gaze at the ridiculous gumboots. 

When they disembarked Roxas was hot on Axel’s heels. They climbed up out of a familiar station and walked towards a familiar hotel.

Roxas worried about what they might do when they finally got to their room though. He didn’t want to talk. He just wanted to hop in a bath and then hop on a bed and watch shows. Doing anything else would be far too awkward.

When Roxas finally peeled his headphones off and the door clicked shut behind him both men instantaneously spoke - 

_“I’m sorry.”_  
_“I’m really sorry.”_

They both looked at each other somewhat startled, before nervous laughter filled the space between them.

Axel rubbed at his head, and Roxas tapped the floor with his toe in relief.

“So ah… do you want to… ,” Axel looked around a little hopeless, as if needing Roxas to clear the air.

“I’m feeling really cold.” Roxas rubbed at his arms to emphasize the point.

Relief washed over Axel’s face. “Sure. I’ll run the bath. You order whatever you want.” Axel began walking off to the bathroom, “and then we gotta talk about last weeks cook off between Xin and that Hamlet guy. That was simply _amazing_!”

“I know, right! I was at the edge of my seat,” Roxas called over to Axel. It had suddenly become a lot easier to breathe. 

Everything went back to how it had always been. They laughed, they joked, they bathed together. Axel sang ridiculous songs, and they napped after all the television and sweets had been consumed.

Neither of them spoke about, or acknowledged that anything had happened other than that apology.

And Roxas was perfectly comfortable with leaving it at that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well the start of this chapter seemed all promising but then took a terrible turn for the worse, right? But then it turned all good again. I actually cried when I wrote their conflict because they were my happy pudding cups and I never wanted them to fight or argue. I was like _'T__T what am I doing to my babies?!?!'_ But this conversation needed to happen. And then I was tossing up whether to leave their reconciliation until the next chapter and make you all suffer... but that was too much of a headache. 
> 
> **(1)** \- Song Credit - _[Rubber Ducky](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mh85R-S-dh8)_ \- by **Ernie (Sesame Street)**
> 
> Bet you never thought you'd see _that_ song in a fic! Incidentally... if any of you readers know any ridiculous songs with bath themes (or just some other general, albeit equally ridiculous songs) feel free to let me know. I might be able to squeeze some other silly songs in from time to time.


	10. The Underlying Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas’ feelings grow and he has a much needed conversation with his brother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um... the first half is a _little_ bit explicit.

After their weird fallout Roxas mellowed out a bit. It had helped Roxas get his expectations in check. Somewhere during his lonely and sub zero two weeks away from warm baths and Axel's warm personality, Roxas had quietly admitted to himself that he had probably hoped for something more with Axel. He possibly had wanted a relationship. But it wasn’t going to happen so he chilled the fuck out.

Roxas needed to start being a bit more casual, because sex was casual for Axel. So Roxas needed to learn to deal with it in those terms as well.

This, after all, was the whole purpose of these meet-ups. For them to have a good time together. For Axel to seduce Roxas. Roxas would just end up hurting himself if he wanted something more. 

So Roxas shut that part of himself off. He ignored the whispers and flutters. Instead he focused on what was right in front of him. And that something was always Axel in varying stages of undress, trying to unnerve and entice Roxas with the myriad of things he could offer.

_“I could make you feel so good, Roxas. Won’t you let me try? Won’t you let me show you?”_

“ _No_.”

And then sometimes Axel would break into some sort of a song. They were always silly and Axel always seemed to really enjoy singing them.

 **♪** _Do I attract you?_  
**♪** _Do I repulse you with my queasy smile?_  
**♪** _Am I too dirty?_  
**♪** _Am I too flirty?_  
**♪** _Do I like what you like?_

 **♪** _I could be wholesome_  
**♪** _I could be loathsome_  
**♪** _I guess I'm a little bit shy_  
**♪** _Why don't you like me?_  
**♪** _Why don't you like me without making me try?_

 **♪** _I could be brown_  
**♪** _I could be blue_  
**♪** _I could be violet sky_  
**♪** _I could be hurtful_  
**♪** _I could be purple_  
**♪** _I could be anything you like **(1)**_

 _“What about ‘being quiet’. Is that something you could do?”_ Roxas had been all grins.

Axel had been left slack-jawed and gasping in disbelief. _“You leave me no other choice, Roxas. I tried to be nice. I’ve tried to be patient. I can’t be held responsible for what comes next.”_ Axel had eyed Roxas dangerously before closing his eyes and seemingly collecting himself.

Roxas had felt nervous with what Axel would do.

Axel started singing again... albeit far cruder words had come out. And the full body actions that accompanied the lyrics had been completely ridiculous and uncomfortable to witness. 

**♪** _Two trucks having sex_  
**♪** _Two trucks having sex_  
**♪** _My muscles, my muscles_  
**♪** _Involuntarily flex_

 **♪** _Two trucks having sex_  
**♪** _Two trucks having sex_  
**♪** _My muscles, my muscles_  
**♪** _Involuntarily flex_

 **♪** _Two trucks holding hands_  
**♪** _Two trucks holding hands_  
**♪** _The passion, the passion_  
**♪** _Is more than I can withstand_

 **♪** _Two trucks holding hands_  
**♪** _Two trucks holding hands_  
**♪** _The passion, the passion_  
**♪** _My big fat heart expands_

 **♪** _Two pickup trucks_  
**♪** _One cylinder block_  
**♪** _Crush my body like a rock_ **(2)**

“ _Stop!_ ” Roxas had screamed at Axel, almost rising out of the tub with the ferocity of his shout.

Axel _had_ stopped but he had also sported the biggest grin which Roxas had ever seen on the man. 

“ _Why?”_ Axel had asked, sounding very sweet and innocent. _“Is my gyrating getting to you, ‘Roxas’?”_

Roxas had laughed a little but also groaned with pain. _“No. But I am ‘so’ embarrassed for you right now,”_ he had said with averted eyes whilst completely red-faced.

Roxas had learned his lesson to never interrupt Axel’s singing after that atrocity had graced his ears. Axel sometimes hummed the tune, and Roxas always obliged him by groaning loudly in protest. Because why not. It was fun to put that big grin on Axel’s face.

Roxas’ fondness for Axel never seemed to recede. It only ever grew. So he happily let his eyes drift onto Axel unabashedly. He let his eyes linger and settle for longer periods of time.

He loved watching the way Axel unbuttoned his business shirt. Slow, sensual - and then two thirds down impatience always hit. It often caused Roxas to shake with mild amusement. But then his breath would catch as shirt and blazer coolly shrugged off shoulders, revealing sinewed muscle and smooth skin.

Roxas also paid attention on enjoying the sight of Axel in the shower. Axel always gave him a show. He’d press his back and buttock against the glass shower walls, or trail hands erotically down his sides. 

Axel mostly kept his back turned so Roxas wouldn’t become uncomfortable. 

Roxas really appreciated that. 

Lustful feelings grew and intensified with time. Roxas enjoyed the light flutters which rolled in his chest and the tightness which grew in his abdomen. As he watched button and zipper come undone, Roxas always caught himself before his groans of desire escaped. He loved the way Axel’s pants skid down slim hips and legs.

He continued to look even when he spotted the almost perpetual present outline of a firm and thick erection pressing against thin boxers or briefs. It caused roiling heat to swell inside of Roxas.

But sometimes that heat was completely smothered by hysterical laughs. Occasionally Axel would still wear some ridiculous undergarments. 

Those kindled a different fire inside of Roxas. One that shouldn’t be there. One that whispered of there being _something_ instead of just _nothing_ between them.

But Roxas pushed those wishes down. Because it really wasn’t such a big deal watching Axel get naked. Roxas focused on his desires and how Axel ignited and fanned the wants inside of himself.

With Roxas’ eyes on him Axel always moaned in satisfaction as he peeled his undergarments off. Like it would have killed him to deal with the restraint around his penis for a moment longer. 

Roxas’ breath started to catch in his throat and electricity ran through his body when he began to hungrily watch Axel’s engorged head pop out from their confines.

More often than not he had to bite his lip to stifle the deep moans that sat atop of his chest, just waiting to be freed.

Axel seemed to eat up Roxas’ squirming like it was his daily bread and butter.

He always came out with things like -

_"Look what you do to me, Roxas.”_

_“I've been so excited about seeing you today that I've been sporting this bad boy for most of the afternoon.”_

_“I love how you look at me.”_

_“I can hardly wait for you to touch me.”_

_“Mmm, Roxas.”_

That last one always made Roxas’ own far more frequently occurring erection twitch with desire. The way Axel breathed out his name made Roxas want to come. 

He wanted Axel's hands on him. He wanted to moan Axel’s name while the man brought Roxas to the brink and pushed him over.

He imagined Axel’s moans and breathy begging sounds when he stood in his lonely shower, in the forlorn apartment he inhabited. Those long fingers that teased nipples, and ran all over cream skin were all Roxas thought of when his own hands ran across his throbbing shaft.

When Roxas touched himself he all too often moaned Axel’s name. He did it the way he always wanted to, but never dared when he watched that hot dream wash or undress in front of himself. 

Memories of what they did in the hotel rooms lead to fantasies, which so often brought Roxas to climax in his own isolated and shitty little apartment.

Roxas became increasingly comfortable with Axel and what that man elicited within his own body. He drank up everything Axel gave him with his eyes. Roxas’ fingers twitched and hungered. But he could never bring himself to ask for a touch or feel.

Roxas couldn’t give in to his desires. He just couldn't. So he kept looking at, and enjoying the sight of Axel instead.

Axel sometimes bemoaned the fact that Roxas wasn’t reciprocating the peep shows Axel so willingly dished out. “ _I really get off on you watching me, Roxas. I kinda wish you could experience what that feels like for yourself._ ”

He said it in such a _nice_ way. One that didn’t feel pushy or like he tried to guilt Roxas into anything. It seemed more like a general observation. Some kind of a selling point that Roxas was missing out on a profound experience. It was a sales pitch in the end. And Roxas knew it. He found himself unwilling to fight against it though. 

Axel made it look fun. Roxas did want to see what all the fuss was about. So he started sitting on the lip of the bath, after undressing. Only slipping in as Axel entered.

Over the weeks the pleasant moans which Axel let out enticed Roxas to slow right down with the way he slipped into the bath.

At some point he had felt stupidly brave and had stood completely naked outside of the tub waiting for Axel’s entry. At the last second he had turned around though, so only his back had faced the man.

But the low rumble Axel let out had chased his embarrassment away. “ _Mm, look at that cute arse. I just wanna… mmm._ ”

The next time they met up Roxas held onto that satisfying sound in his mind. He wanted Axel to see him. _All_ of him. And not just when Roxas was unconscious or leaving in haste. 

The anticipation and nerves had almost killed him. His heart had gone into overdrive and embarrassingly enough he had become erect with the thought of Axel seeing him fully exposed.

But he had just kept focusing on the memory of that glorious moan and rumble. It had given him the strength to stay rooted in place. It had stopped Roxas from hiding away as Axel announced his imminent arrival with a song before he pushed through the bathroom door - the knocking routine having long been abandoned.

Roxas didn’t think he would ever forget that moment when Axel set eyes on Roxas.

Green had gone wide as saucers.

The way Axel had sucked in a harsh breath and let or a shaky moan haunted Roxas’ dreams and gave him more fodder for his shower fantasies.

He had blushed a deep crimson as those eyes had trailed and loitered over Roxas. A deep shudder had run through Roxas’ body when he saw the way Axel’s eyes had taken _all_ of him in. 

His erection had twitched in pent up desire when Axel’s eyes had lingered over his arousal. Axel had moistened, and bitten down on his lip. His eyes had narrowed with incredibly painful lust.

“ _Roxas, I want to touch you so badly,”_ Axel's weighted rusty voice scratched at Roxas.

But Roxas squeezed his eyes shut, turned around and slid into the tub.

That reaction out of Axel however had made Roxas give Axel a show and display more often. It became part of their routine.

Over the passing weeks the bathing and showering became too much. Roxas’ arousal was always too painful. He grew impatient with having to wait until he got home to relieve himself.

What else could he do though?

Well he knew what he could do. Give in. Give up. Let Axel do him. But… Roxas told himself he hated losing. Roxas told himself that he didn’t want to be anyone's conquest. That was the _only_ reason why Roxas was holding out.

But it was becoming really difficult.

Roxas really appreciated the distraction that television, sweets, and the nap time cuddles brought. But even those were losing their touch in mellowing Roxas out. Roxas felt himself becoming progressively sensitive to the slightest of touches. And the cuddles just about killed him. 

Axel would pull Roxas’ back firmly against his chest. Hands would roam along arms and leave a slew of goosebumps in their wake. 

Fingertips massaged scalp and soft kisses were left in hair.

“ _Are you kissing me?_ ” Roxas had asked one day.

“ _No, don’t be ridiculous. I’d never do something like that._ ”

“ _Good, coz I haven’t agreed to this. Remember, if anything happens that I don’t want to have happen…_ ”

“ _Yeah, yeah, you’ll make my life a living hell. Trust me, I don’t want that. So that’s why I’m definitely not kissing you._ ”

But more gentle pushes against Roxas’ scalp had been left and soft clicking sounds of Axel leaving kisses had floated to Roxas’ ears.

Roxas had smiled and pushed himself firmer against Axel’s pleasant furnace of a chest.

When Roxas lay like that with Axel he could feel the other man’s firm heartbeat. It was enjoyable and soothing. The way it always thump, thump, thumped into Roxas’ back chipped away his resolve to ‘ _chill the fuck out_ ’ and to remain casual.

Roxas’ affections brewed and percolated with great strength over those weeks and months.

Then one day something truly awful happened...

He could pinpoint it with precision.

Judging by the increased need of layers Roxas presumed it had happened during late autumn and the onset of winter.

Axel had run an extra hot bath, fed Roxas extra special and spiced treats, “ _To heat you from the inside out,_ ” and then they had forgone the television watching to just snuggle against each other, “ _To stop you from getting too cold, too quickly_.”

And snuggles always meant sleep.

It had felt as if he floated on soft clouds where there was nothing. No sensations, no thoughts, no pain, not even any pleasure. He had been wrapped in cotton wool and delightfully numb. It had been complete and utter contentment. 

But when sleep had fallen away sensations started coming back to him. A weight had lain across his side and chest. An arm. Firm warmth had pressed and breathed peacefully against his back.

There had been no blankets on them, but Roxas had been warm and toasty all over, and quite possibly had been so the entire time they had lain there. 

Feeling so warm had been an alien but delightful feeling. 

It had been too easy to imagine the rest of his life pressed together like this with Axel.

He had wanted to look at the dormant flame, so Roxas had turned around and done just that. 

Roxas had combed a tuft of red to the side and green eyes had stirred and fluttered awake. A wonky, impossibly soft and brittle smile had lit that slumbering face. Axel’s eyes had squeezed shut again with delight.

Soft, breathy words had rumbled out of the groggy man, “ _Now that’s a sight I could wake up to, forever_ ,” followed up with a contented sigh.

It had hit him like a thousand volts. It had squeezed his heart. That beautiful tranquil face. That all encompassing warmth. 

The cotton which had cocooned Roxas had ignited and burned away, leaving a deep longing to course through his veins.

Roxas hadn’t been able to ignore it that time.

But he hadn’t acted on it either.

He had been too terrified.

Instead he chose to tell Axel to ‘ _knock it off,_ ’ and just enjoyed the warmth he received every time they were together.

It burdened him though. 

So Roxas chose to confide more in his brother as time wore on. 

* * *

 

Ventus gave a low whistle over the phone once Roxas had emailed him.

“ _About time you sent me those photos. You’ve been holding out on us, Rox! Axel’s really -”_

 _“Fucking hot_. I know,” Roxas chuckled.

“ _Yeah,_ ” Ventus agreed.

That pleased Roxas. “I didn’t keep the photos from you on purpose. I’ve just been really busy.”

“ _Suuure! ‘Busy’. Busy being gay for your boyfriend._ ”

“He’s _not_ my boyfriend,” Roxas huffed, “I just… like spending time with him.”

“ _You’re still towing that line? After all these months?”_

 _“_ It’s not a line. It’s a fact. We aren’t involved, and I’m not gay for him,” Roxas denied, though he wasn’t completely sure why he still tried to convince Ventus of it.

 _“Well it’s a right shame, Rox. I think it could be good for ya to be involved and be a little bit gay for him.There’s nothing wrong with it. In fact, I’m thinking I might even be a little bit gay for him too,_ ” Ventus laughed.

Roxas chuckled at that, while looking at the photos. His prickled flesh relaxing a little. Lately even thinking about Axel gave him that _almost_ comparable warmth of being with the man.

“ _Liss is with me on that, you know? She saw the photos and said she’d leave me in a heartbeat for that guy_.”

Roxas could hear Melissa’s voice in the background, before Ventus continued, “ _Yeah, yeah, I’ll ask -. Rox, Liss wants to know if Axel likes girls. She’s really hopeful over here._ ”

Roxas laughed a little forcibly, “Yeah. He’ll hit anything that shows him some attention. Least that’s what he told me.”

Ventus relayed the message.

“ _You two still haven’t had sex yet, right?_ ”

“No,” Roxas responded flatly.

“ _You haven't even kissed him, right? Unless something happened in the last few days that you haven’t told me about. But my twin ESP didn’t alert me to anything, so I don’t think it’s happened yet._ ” Ventus sounded like he was both talking to Roxas and Melissa.

“Twin ESP doesn't work like that, Ven. I thankfully don’t get a notification every time you and Liss screw.” Roxas leaned back into his lounge and stared up at his ceiling.

“ _Yeah, but remember when I first started dating her? You knew. You always knew when we hit all those big landmarks. Holding hands, kissing, screwing._ ”

Roxas could hear Melissa’s shrill complaints in the background. It made Roxas shake with light laughter. 

“I guess you have a point. Just don’t do any other weird _firsts_ like anal or bondage. I don’t need to be given a vibe about that stuff.”

Ventus chortled and continued on cheerfully, “ _I honestly cannot guarantee you anything.”_

“Gee thanks. I thought you were supposed to have my back. Some pointless protection you are.”

Ventus chuckled. _“Speaking of protection… You’ll let me know what anal is all about when you get to it, right? I’m really intrigued to hear more about what bottoming is like._ ”

Roxas groaned. “What makes you think I’d be the bottom?”

Ventus’ laugh rolled through the phone. “ _I’m not saying you would be. I am however saying that Axel seems like the type of guy who wouldn't be. But who knows. Maybe he’ll let you take turns being on top._ ”

Roxas huffed. “Do we have to talk about this?”

“ _If you don’t talk about it with me I know you’ll never even think about it. I’m just trying to help you sort out the mess in your head._ ”

“It’s not that messy up here you know. Yeah… I don’t think much about the details of what sex with Axel would be like, but I don’t see how talking to you is going to enlighten me. We’re both as clueless as each other.”

Ventus laughed, “ _Yeah, that’s true, I suppose.”_

Roxas felt pleased. He always did enjoy getting one over his brother. “But I appreciate your concern, Ven.”

 _“I’ll always try and look out for you,”_ Ventus’ words were bathed in his smile.

“Thanks, bro. But… eh… well if I need help in _this_ particular department I think I’ll just ask Axel. He claims he knows his stuff. So I’ll just wing it. I’m sure he’d take good care of me… _if_ I was ever gonna do anything with him. Not saying I ever would but… if… .”

Ventus laughed, “ _You mean ‘when’. Stop kidding yourself.”_

Roxas’ body buzzed. “Nah-ah.”

“ _Yea-ha._ _But anyway, I think it’s really sweet that you trust him so much. But you sure that’s a wise move?_ ”

“He’s never given me a reason not to trust him,” Roxas insisted.

“ _Well if you’re sure.”_

“I am.” 

Roxas fell silent, weighing up his feelings. Talking about this felt fine… but a heaviness always sat in the pit of Roxas’ stomach.

“ _Rox, you can tell me,_ ” Ventus spoke softly.

A deep breath broke Roxas’ contemplative silence. “I really like him, Ven,” Roxas unburdened himself. 

It sort of cracked his heart to say it out loud.

“ _Yeah, I‘ve known for ages, Rox,”_ Ventus acknowledged gently.

Roxas sighed. “It’s really that obvious?”

“ _To me, yeah.”_

Roxas groaned inwardly. He hoped it wasn’t so glaringly obvious to Axel… although Roxas assumed that if it were, Axel would probably have stopped meeting with Roxas… unless he was banking on Roxas developing feelings for him to make it easier for Axel to sleep with him that way.

“ _But I guess that’s just the privilege I get for being your twin. So don’t get all paranoid, ok?_ ” Ventus spoke with a lot of care and affection.

It pulled Roxas out of that dark train of thought before it went too much further.

Roxas blew out of his nose bitterly. “Already too late,” he said ruefully.

“ _Aww, c’mon. I’m sure you hide it really well. Though why you’d want to is beyond me._ ”

“It complicates things,” Roxas muttered.

“ _I think what complicates things is you holding out. It must make him wonder._ ”

That hit Roxas a little too hard in the chest.

“I’ll hold out for as long as I like, thank you very much.”

“ _I never knew you liked torturing yourself so much, Rox._ ”

“I’m not torturing myself.”

 _“Suuure. You’re telling me he’s hot. You’re telling me you’ll ‘wing’ it when you finally succumb to his charm. So why are you holding out? Sounds to me like you’ve already come to a decision… so to speak,”_ Ventus chuckled.

“God, Ven. Do you have to? You’re just as bad as Axel.”

Ventus sounded very pleased and amused with himself, _“Yeah, I have to. I think it’s in the fine print of my brotherly contract with you. So anyway, tell me why haven't you done the deed yet. You that scared of sex? Just get him to throw on a condom and use lots of lube. I know I have limited knowledge but that’s how it works with guys, right? More or less._ ”

Roxas leaned forward, elbows on knees in quiet contemplation. Ventus’ words bit into him. Ventus knew him too damn well. And those words echoed too closely to what Axel had spoken about. “I’m - not really scared of the sex. More like -,” he sighed heavily, “I don’t want to be someone's prize. I don’t wanna be thought of as just a trophy to be conquered or won over.”

Steady static crackled over the phone line.

“ _You want to be something a lot more special to him?”_ came the gentle and all too probing question.

“I never said that,” Roxas dismissed in too much haste. He had spent a lot of time trying to extinguish thoughts like that from his mind. He didn’t appreciate Ventus bringing it back up. 

“ _You don’t have to say it for me to know it._ ”

Roxas became disgruntled. “Shut up… There is no deeper meaning behind any of this. I just - I don’t want him to use me. That’s all this is. Axel’s so used to people throwing themselves at him. He could use a lesson in humility.” 

“ _Oh so you are sacrificing yourself to teach him an important life lesson?_ ” Ventus giggled.

Roxas grumbled.

“Whatever. I don’t need you to believe me.”

“ _Maybe not. But I know you ‘want’ me to believe you.”_

Irritation was forming into anger. Roxas grumbled. He wanted to prove Ventus wrong. Prove him wrong about the kind of relationship he had going with Axel.

Axel’s casual stabbing words drifted to his mind.

“You know I talked to him about serious stuff once. Like you suggested. He said he’s slept with so many people he can’t even remember how many there were. On the days he’s not with me he just goes out and fucks whoever makes eyes at him.”

“ _Why do you sound so upset about that? As you keep telling me he’s ‘not your boyfriend’. So it’s not like he’s cheating on you,_ ” Ventus pointed out.

Roxas growled stubbornly. “Aren’t you listening to me? It’s because I don’t want to be used.”

Ventus was really getting on Roxas’ nerves with how he kept hammering home his own agenda.

“ _But he’s not using you. He’s using everyone else, while he waits for you. If anything you seem to be using him for free snacks,_ ” Ventus jeered.

“I don’t want him to use other people,” Roxas bit harshly with frustration. But then threw a palm over his face and groaned at his own words.

Ventus had baited him… _hard_.

“ _Oh - My - God, Rox. Are you in ‘love’?_ ” the familiar sing song of Ventus’ teasing filtered through the phone.

Roxas felt himself turning red. He heard Melissa’s elated fangirl squeals in the background. 

“No,” he shot back fiercely. “I just like his company, that’s all.”

“ _You sure about that? I mean… I thought maybe you had a little crush on the guy. Do some experimenting with your ‘not’ boyfriend because that’s fun and exciting and you get to find your feet in the world. But if you are actually in lo-”_

“I’m _not_ in love!” Roxas snapped harshly. 

“ _Shouting your denial only makes the truth shine brighter, Rox,_ ” Ventus kept laughing.

“I’m _not_ , Ven, so fucking drop it, ok?” Roxas snarled with frustration.

But Ventus didn’t.

“ _What’s so bad about being in love? Why’s it something you have to deny and hide?_ ”

“Because -”

“ _Because?”_

“Just leave me alone, Ven.”

“ _Why’re you getting so upset?_ ”

“You’re my infinitely wise brother - Why don’t you fucking tell me, huh?” Roxas snarled sarcastically.

“ _Because you can’t deny the shit that comes out of your own mouth as easily as the shit that comes out of mine._ ”

“At least you know the quality of this conversation,” Roxas growled with hard irritation.

“ _I just want you to be happy, you idiot. You want Axel in your life but you’re being a stubborn buffoon about it. Too hung up about some stupid shit to screw him. If you can’t do it I can always come over and give it a go myself. He’ll never know the difference,_ ” Ventus spat in irritation.

Roxas’ jaw clenched. His teeth ground. He sprang up from the lounge, hands balled into shaking fists. He squeezed his phone _so_ hard. He wanted to crush it. Crush his brother. Crush his feelings…

He put his whole body into the next words he shouted down the line, “ _Fuck you, Ventus, you fucking asshole_!”

He hung up and slammed his phone into the lounge, not caring where it bounced off to. His heart was racing and his hands were trembling. Tears teetered at the edge of eyes. They spilled as he squeezed them shut against the pain.

Ventus had crossed the line between good natured sibling teasing to something way too personal. And what made it worse was that Ventus _knew_. He had stabbed Roxas like that on purpose.

At this moment Roxas hated how upset he was. He hated that he cared so much for Axel’s affections. It burned him that Ventus would insinuate that Axel wouldn’t know the difference between them. It stung that Ventus was right. 

Roxas sunk down onto the lounge and an agonized wail rattled out of his soul.

He was being such a big baby.

Roxas sniffed loudly against the awful sounds from above and to his left piercing his ears.

His heart stilled a little, but only started up again when he heard his ringtone blaring from an indistinct location.

He scrambled up and searched around his lounge for a moment.

 _“Fuck you_ ,” he hissed down the line when he picked up.

“ _Hey, Roxy._ ”

Roxas blinked at the even and very feminine voice on the other side.

“Hey Liss.”

The ferocity left his voice but the tears became a replacement. He flopped down on his lounge once more, cradling his forehead in his free hand.

“ _I yelled at Ven for you. I told him I’m withholding sex for a week. What he said isn’t cool._ ”

Roxas huffed in gentle amusement. His pounding heart relaxed a little and the tears stung a lot less. Melissa had a strange way of calming Roxas down.

“You heard?”

“ _Yeah. Ven put you on speaker once the conversation got all saucy. This might sound better coming from me rather than your crappy, infinitely inferior brother, so I just want to tell you something - from one girl to another-_ ”

“Har-har,” Roxas interrupted sarcastically. But a faint smile graced his lips regardless.

 _“You know I love you,_ ” she said gently.

“Yeah, I do,” he replied softly.

“ _You can’t keep denying that Axel means something to you, Roxy._ ”

“Why not?”

“ _Because it’s hurting you._ ”

A loud sniffle rattled out of Roxas involuntarily.

“ _You should let him know. Even if it’s not love - but he’s just a very special person to you in your life - you should tell him. He deserves to know, and you deserve to stop being miserable about it.”_

“I can’t tell him,” Roxas sobbed rather vehemently.

 _“Why not?_ ” Melissa asked gently.

Roxas bit his lip and remained silent.

Melissa didn’t seem pleased. She huffed.

“ _Remember how hung up I was about Hank waaaaay back? I became like his lapdog, following him around, desperate for any kind of attention from him. Remember?_ ”

“Yeah.”

“ _What did you tell me back then, Roxas?_ ”

He didn’t have to think for very long. He remembered it surprisingly well. “Something about not getting hung up over one douchebag. That you can’t see or let anyone else into your life if you fixate on just one person who doesn’t even deserve or see you…”

“ _Exactly. So I stopped hanging onto that waste of space. I was able to see the other people around me. And that’s the ‘only’ reason I was able to even ‘see’ your brother. Which… I do blame you for entirely,_ ” she spoke with a smile in her voice.

Roxas huffed again, his own smile growing stronger, “I getcha.”

“ _Good. I always knew you were a smart cookie. Don’t be like me, wasting your years wanting some guy who ‘completely’ doesn't deserve you. Because the people who do want you will be invisible to you. Anyway, I’ll put Ven back on. He needs to apologize to you._ ”

Moments later, after some rustling, Ventus’ familiar voice broke through the silence.

“ _Hey Rox._ ”

Roxas gave a grunt.

Ventus breathed out heavily. “ _I’m sorry. I went too far. I shouldn’t have said that stuff. Sometimes you just really frustrate me.”_

Silence fell between the brothers.

Roxas was still too upset.

Ventus sighed. _“I get he’s important to you. I get that you’re lonely, even though you’d never tell me just how bad it gets. I want you to be honest with me. We used to share ‘everything’. I hate what living apart is doing to us._ ”

It bit into Roxas’ heart. “I’m sorry, Ven. I just… I don’t like thinking about it. Talking about it doesn’t fix anything.”

“ _Can you just try me? Please?_ ” Ventus sounded on the verge of tears.

Roxas took a sharp inhale of breath. Words tumbled out, “I - want to be special to someone. I want what you and Liss have.” Tears trickled. He never realized he actually wanted something so specific from Axel until that moment. 

“ _You think Axel is the right person for you? To give that stuff to you? There’s no one else?_ ”

“I don’t know, Ven. I can’t tell you that. All I know is that - despite all the shit he’s said in the past, I - I have this stupid feeling and this stupid fucking _hope_ that he wants the same. Why would he spend so much time with me if all he wants is a fuck? I'm sure I can't be _that_ amazing to want -”

“ _Don't sell yourself short,_ ” Ventus interjected.

Roxas huffed dismissively, “Whatever. I just don't get why he's still holding out for me. There are so many other people to have sex with. What's so special about me? Why wouldn’t he have just forced himself on me by now? He… He must be getting some sort of a kick out of it. And… I just don’t want to be used,” Roxas fell back onto his default tagline.

“ _Roxas,_ ” Ventus sounded exasperated.

“What?”

 _“I know you like a book. You’re not worried about being used. You’re scared he’ll break your heart by leaving. So can you drop the act already?_ ” Ventus said sternly.

Ventus’ words dug into Roxas a little. Of course Ventus knew. Roxas pouted slightly. “Fine. You’re right. I don’t want him to leave. I don’t want what we have to end. But - he doesn't want anything serious. He doesn't want to settle down or have a relationship. Me holding out is the _only_ thing that’s keeping him here.”

“ _But you ‘just’ said that you feel like he wants the same from you as you want from him._ ”

“I _know_ what I said. You know how my mind goes crazy and imagines stuff. So I think - and hope - for one thing, but then I remember what I know about him and the shit he’s told me and… it makes my head hurt,” Roxas grumbled.

“ _You ‘know’ what I’m gonna tell you_.”

“Yeah, yeah. ‘ _Just ask him._ ’ ”

“ _Why don’t you?_ ”

“Because… ,” Roxas swallowed hard and frowned. “I can’t, Ven. I tried talking to him about personal stuff once. It backfired spectacularly.”

“ _So you’re just gonna give up? Just like that?_ ”

“Yeah,” Roxas said in resignation.

Ventus groaned. “ _Don’t be such a doofus. Don’t give up just because it didn’t work out as planned the first time. I mean c’mon! You’re still living in Radiant Gardens, and that's not exactly worked out as planned either, right?_ ”

“Yeah… I guess… ,” Roxas muttered rather grumpily.

“ _So now apply your stubbornness to this Axel situation. Make it work to your advantage somehow.”_

“I can’t see how… I - I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“ _Make him beg for you. Turn on your charm and make him want you as much as you want him. And then you can have that talk with him and he’ll be all like ‘yes please, I want to spend eternity with you’._ ”

It actually made Roxas smile. “You make it sound so easy.”

“ _I think your head is making it a lot harder than what it has to be. You're making mountains out of mole hills. You’re imagining the worst case scenarios. But you need to stop doing that and actually get to the bottom of this. And how will you do that, hmm?”_

“By asking him,” came Roxas disgruntled mutter. He felt completely chastened by Ventus.

_“Exactly. And the way I see it - this is a very binary situation. Either answer will allow you to move on, like Liss said.”_

“But talking about stuff like this… just doesn’t work right,” Roxas pouted.

“ _Forget what will work ‘right’ and just ‘do it’ already, Rox. If you don’t talk about it he’ll either break one day and force himself on you, which isn’t cool. Or he’ll finally give up and leave you, which is also not cool.”_

Roxas lept to Axel’s defense, “He’d never force himself on me. He said he’d never do something like that.”

“ _I think people say an awful lot of shit when they are calm, and do awful things when they’re not,_ ” Ventus said sternly.

It didn’t sit well with Roxas. He shifted uncomfortably on his lounge.

_“But if you really ‘don’t’ want to talk to him about it then there’s only one feasible option left. If what you guys have going on is supposed to be fun then have some fun. Don’t overthink it. Don’t worry about the outcome. Just enjoy yourself, Rox. If what you worry about does happen and he leaves… well at least it’s not gonna come as a shock, and it'll be his loss. And think of it this way - you’ll at least have had sex with someone really hot. And hey, maybe he’ll really surprise you and stick around for as long as you want him to stick around for. That’d be nice, right? Maybe he really likes you right now, and the sex will be the tipping point in him wanting you even more.”_

That was a _really_ nice thought. It heated Roxas up a little. But a wind blew through. “Or maybe he’ll hate it so much he’ll run for the hills.” 

_“But at least you’ll have an answer. An answer that won’t put you in danger of getting raped. And you’ll be able to either move forward ‘with’ the guy, or move on ‘from’ the guy._ ”

Roxas absorbed that thought for a moment. His stomach knotted in discomfort.

“So… I either talk to him and get an answer… or I let him fuck me and then see what he does for an answer?”

 _“That’s pretty much it, yeah. Personally I’d probably go with the second option, because you’ll get something out of that, instead of just a ‘see ya later’._ ” Ventus’ grin was unmistakable.

“Yeah... ok… ,” Roxas felt stronger with each passing breath, “I get it. - I’ll do it.” 

_“Do what exactly?_ ” Ventus probed for clarity.

“Ah… I’m not sure yet. One of those two things. I’ll… wing it.”

Ventus chuckled. “ _Alright._ _Awesome! Excellent! Now - just one more thing. We’re cool, right? You’ll still put our engagement videos, and wedding invites and website together, right?”_

“Is that why Liss was so eager for us to patch things up?”

“ _I’m not saying either ‘yes’ or ‘no’. I just need to check in that everything is cool and you won’t replace my face with some ugly space slug or something._ ”

“Some days I really wish we weren’t twins. I wanna insult you and tell you that you already _are_ an ugly space slug.”

Ventus laughed.

Roxas felt marginally better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **(1)** \- Song Credit - _[Grace Kelly](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0CGVgAYJyjk)_ \- by **Mika** \- Thanks to Creaky Bird for the rec  
>  **(2)** \- Song Credit - _[Two Trucks](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cmYC_LUZux4)_ \- by **Lemon Demon** \- Thanks to Jaygay for the rec
> 
> I _did_ find a place to stick those two song recommendations, so thank you _heaps_ for leaving those comments, guys! Really appreciate it!
> 
> I had to rework the conversation with Rox/Ven/Liss so many times. I hope it came out alright. 
> 
> And we are getting _so_ close guys. _So. Close_. I can almost _taste_ it!
> 
>  **Fun Fact** \- chapter 9 only happened because of the conversation Rox had with Ven in this chapter. I wrote a 100 word paragraph (in the 1st draft) and then was like _'nah, this needs to be elaborated on',_ and voila a 6000+ word chapter was born, lol!


	11. Bathtime Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas works up some courage.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We are currently smack bang at the half way point of this fic. Take that however you want. Either good or bad, I don't know. But just thought I should give you guys a heads up. Sometimes when I read fics as they get published I get a bit antsy not knowing how much further is left for a conclusion. 
> 
> Anyway, the answer is... this is the half way point.
> 
> I also want to say that all of your kudos and comments are just immensely loved and appreciated. I love you guys so much. Any feedback and ideas are always welcomed. Despite this fic well and truly being in it's final drafting stage I'm still happy to consider things and shove stuff in if I see it adding to the story rather than subtracting from it.
> 
> I also really enjoy other peoples takes and speculations regarding what's going on with Axel *sniggers* So leave me comments if you want to have a chat XD
> 
> Thank you for sticking with me and with this fic for so long. I hope you'll see it through to the end.
> 
> And I took off the long winded smut warning tag from this fic, because on reflection the smut really isn't anything disgusting. There will just be copious amounts of it in future chapters. So brace yourselves, lol! I'll put 'explicit' warnings up so those of you who really don't wanna see it can avoid it :)
> 
> This chapter below has moderate sexual content. Please enjoy :)

Roxas had been eager to nudge the awful cowboy boots as soon as they stepped onto the train. Roxas found it amusing that these shoes were ones that Axel had chosen to keep. Maybe they held sentimental value? Roxas hoped they reminded Axel of Roxas. 

He wanted to lean his head against Axel’s stomach so badly. And not just because his nose was freezing.

Train stops rumbled past. Roxas watched cowboy boots like a hawk. He felt impatient as he waited for Axel to decide where they would go today. 

Every time Axel shifted - and he shifted _a lot_ \- Roxas’ muscles tensed in anticipation of getting up. But Axel always stilled and remained rooted in place. The bastard seemed to be toying with Roxas.

Roxas glared up and was met with a cheeky grin.

But eventually cowboy boots made their decision. Roxas jumped up in excitement and followed. 

They walked to a familiar hotel and Roxas shifted from one foot to the other nervously as he waited for Axel to pick a room. 

His nervousness didn't abate as they stepped into the elevator. Roxas’ fingers twitched and his legs felt restless.

“You ok, Roxas? You seem a bit tense today,” Axel inquired.

“Yeah, just… feeling really cold,” Roxas excused.

“The snow’s been pretty ridiculous the last few days. And that wind… ”

“Trust me, I know. Definitely don’t need to be reminded.” He shuddered and pulled his coat firmly around himself.

“Don’t worry. We’ll be,” Axel yawned, “warm and toasty soon enough.”

Roxas could hardly wait to get behind closed doors. And not just because of the promise of warmth. Roxas had made the decision that he would try talking to Axel. Because there was no way that Axel… _didn't_ feel the same way… _right_? 

There was always self doubt. Of course there was. But Roxas _had_ made the decision and he was going to stick with it. 

He had mulled over what he would say. 

_‘Axel, I really like you._ ’

‘ _Axel, I really want you in my life._ ’

‘ _Axel, I’ll let you fuck me if you promise to never leave._ ’ 

He supposed that last one was a bit too clingy. Roxas didn’t want to give off a bad impression. He didn’t want to scare Axel off by seeming too needy. He just had to try and be calm about it, and bank on the idea that Axel liked and cared for Roxas. He hoped that Axel liked him enough to want to turn what they were doing into something a little more… permanent and exclusive.

Roxas felt nauseas when he thought about Axel possibly only hanging around because he _really_ wanted to get into Roxas’ pants, and nothing else. So Roxas had tried avoiding those thoughts as best he could.

But it was really hard, because the temptation to give in to Axel was becoming too strong. And every time he thought about giving himself over to Axel, fear rose inside himself. Axel would _leave_ if Roxas gave in. Axel wasn’t looking for anything long term or meaningful.

Roxas really didn’t want to lose Axel. So he _had_ to talk to him. Roxas had to secure what they had. And he had to do it _today_. Because the way Axel looked at him while they bathed… the way they languished in each others presence on the bed… the way fingers stroked cheeks and began tracing lips… It was just... Too. Damn. Hard.

The door unlocked and Axel held it open for Roxas, pulling him out of his flaring anxiety for a moment. He brushed past Axel, as casual as he could, whilst simultaneously also pushing against him for maximum body contact in the narrow entranceway.

Roxas headed straight for the bed, feeling nervous. He hadn’t figured out how to broach the subject yet. Should he blurt it out? Could he somehow work up to it without looking like a fool? He hoped a fit of inspiration would take ahold of him while he perused the food and entertainment menus.

Axel followed close behind, but instead of deviating to the bathroom to fill up the tub like he usually did, he face planted into the mattress, right next to Roxas.

Roxas bounced lightly from the impact.

“What’s the matter with you?”

Axel tilted his head, so he wasn’t muffling into the mattress. “Just really tired today. I had a long day and an even longer night.”

“What happened?” Roxas put the menus down, focusing his full attention on the other man.

“Oh - you know. Just had a fight with a girl I’ve been fucking on and off.”

“I thought you only saw people once or twice.”

“Yeah. But there’s a handful of… mmm… I guess you’d call ‘em ‘ _friends with benefits_ ’, though she’s hardly a friend.”

“Oh.” Roxas never liked these type of conversations. He didn’t like to think of Axel being with other people. It sometimes felt difficult to be supportive… but he always tried his best anyway. 

Roxas really needed to come clean to Axel.

“Was it really bad?”

“She just wouldn’t stop yammering on about our ‘ _relationship_ ’. I kept telling her that there was nothing. We started the thing as just being for fun - like with us, ya know? - but she takes it too seriously. Once in awhile she comes around and expects things from me. A booty call is never _just_ a booty call with her. I really need to learn my lesson. Set some boundaries… or something.”

Roxas’ stomach knotted. “W-were you up all night with her? Couldn't you have just kicked her out?”

Axel groaned. “But her booty is just _so fine_.”

Roxas’ insides clenched at comments like that.

Axel stifled a yawn, and snuggled into the mattress some more. “Would you mind running the bath, Roxas? I’m just gonna have a little nap here, if that’s alright with you.”

Roxas’ stomach sunk through the floor. He hummed quietly and got up to do as he was asked. The frown that settled on his face only intensified as he entered the bathroom. He busied himself with his duty, while quietly having a freak out.

Axel made it sound like he really wasn’t looking for something significant. But Roxas really wanted to be more than just - he didn’t even know what they were. They weren’t ‘ _friends_ ’. They certainly weren’t _‘fuck-buddies’_. Axel seemed to have enough of those in his life. 

Roxas felt so conflicted. He found it hard to believe that Axel would seriously be holding out this long irrespective of how much an ‘ _investment’_ Roxas was to him. Remembering that conversation always made Roxas’ insides knot and cramp with irritation and anger.

Roxas didn't want to believe that he meant nothing to Axel. But then Axel spoke about shit like he had just said and… well Roxas didn’t know what to think. He didn’t know what to do.

He poured a generous amount of bubble bath into the small oval tub and watched the foam build and rise along with the water level.

The conversation with Ventus and Melissa went through his head. 

This was precisely why he needed to speak with Axel. Clear the air. Lay out the expectations. Get an understanding around what they were even doing together. If Axel was going to leave him Roxas should speak with him and find out sooner rather than later. Otherwise this was just wasting both their time. Roxas could be out there looking for someone to date. Maybe Roxas should _already_ be doing that?

Thoughts of that nature always made it hard to swallow and left a bitter taste in his mouth. Roxas _really_ liked Axel. So he really should go out there and have the all important heart to heart.

But Roxas didn’t.

No - He remained, watching the bath fill, and listened to the soothing sound of gushing water. He mulled over his conversation starters again. Inspiration still hadn’t struck regarding how to bring it up in conversation. 

All the things he wanted to say seemed useless to him at this point anyway. Why couldn’t Axel’s booty call have happened any day but today?

Roxas turned the taps off, and headed outside to tell Axel that the bath was ready. 

“Ax-”

A soft snore cut Roxas’ words short.

A smile, tinged in sorrow, settled on his face. Axel truly was exhausted from last night. Roxas moved closer sat down next to him, staring at that gorgeous face. 

Axel would surely never agree to Roxas wanting something more. He would surely never agree to a relationship. He was a free roaming bird who loved the conquest of winning over people’s hearts and bodies. He was an untamable fire, consuming everything and everyone he came into contact with. 

Axel was just hanging on to Roxas because Roxas was playing stubborn.

It seemed inevitable.

Roxas grew frustrated. Why should he miss out? What did it even matter if Axel left? Roxas should just have fun with Axel. He wanted to know what Axel tasted like. He wanted to know what it felt like to run his hands down Axel’s naked body.

His previous resolve melted. Forget talking. It was time for action. And if Axel left… then so be it. Whatever. So Roxas made a decision. It caused his heart to leap up to his throat. His pulse throbbed and twitched through _all_ body parts.

Roxas lowered himself down towards the slumbering flame. He was almost touching Axel’s defined nose with his own. Warm breath exhaled softly and caressed Roxas’ cheeks and lips. 

Being so close to Axel’s face ignited Roxas. 

He was so beautiful, even with the makeup on. Roxas craved to wash it all off though. Roxas hungered for green piercing eyes to look at, and see him. Roxas wanted Axel to _only_ see _him_. But that was a pipe dream.

Eyes drifted to lips. They were beautiful when they smirked, grinned, smiled, and even when they just rested in this neutral position. Roxas groaned inwardly at how bad he had it for Axel. Surely Axel must feel the same… _urgh_ , who was Roxas even kidding?

His tongue flicked out, moistening lips. He swallowed down his nerves. Would he be violating Axel if he pressed his lips against that mouth? Had Axel ever done this to him? 

_Sleeping beauty_. That’s what Axel had written in that note so long ago. Roxas still had the piece of paper. He still looked at it from time to time to reflect back on how his opinion of Axel had changed.

Had Axel kissed him back then? In the past that thought would have appalled and disturbed Roxas. But now it just filled him with a faint thrill that hammered his heart harder against his sternum.

Axel was the _sleeping beauty_ now.

He breathed in deep. Axel’s scent was rich and warm.

Roxas’ lips parted. He leaned a fraction closer. His heart fluttered. Palms grew sweaty. Mouth dried up.

He swallowed.

Lips pushed against soft warmth. A delicate sigh escaped Axel’s throat. 

Roxas yanked away. Eyes wide and darting. His heart hammered into his chest. Yet Axel was still fast asleep. His face bathed in bliss and tranquility. 

Roxas’ chest heaved as he stilled his panicked breathing. He was terrified of waking Axel. But he also wanted to try for another kiss. Axel was so _cute_ \- when he wasn’t running his mouth off. 

That sigh had been adorable too. Those lips had felt so soft. Roxas thought he understood why Axel was forever licking them now. He wanted to make sure it hadn’t all been his imagination, though. So with more courage than before, he pushed his lips against Axel’s one more time. 

His lips fit so perfectly against Axel’s. 

Those lips were so pleasant. 

So toasty. 

So supple. 

So - 

_Pressing against his own!_

Roxas threw himself backwards in panic. He almost toppled over due to the sudden force of his launch. His heart smashed into his chest with greater ferocity.

A content sigh, more akin to a moan though, rumbled forth. Lips quirked into a smile as green eyes drifted open like a beautiful sunrise peeking over the horizon. Tongue flicked out, licking at lips. Another pleasant hum sounded from Axel’s throat as if he really enjoyed and savored whatever trace of Roxas might have been left behind.

“S-sorry,” came the breathless stammer.

Axel raised himself, slowly. “If I had known that all I needed to do to get a kiss from you was to fall asleep, I’d have taken naps without you much earlier.”

Roxas’ throat felt like it was made of sandpaper. He stood up all too quickly. “Th-the bath is ready.” 

With bowed head he rushed off towards the bathroom. When he got there he stripped as fast as he could and hopped in. Roxas didn’t want to give Axel a show. He didn't want to be seen. He felt too ashamed. 

Moments later a pleasant tune accompanied and announced Axel’s arrival. “Feeling too cold, Roxas?” Axel inquired, still sounding sleepy.

Roxas hesitantly cast a brief glance towards Axel. “I really hate winter. It can’t go away fast enough,” he mumbled for an excuse.

Axel chuckled as he stepped into Roxas’ field of vision and undid his shirt. “But it’s _not even_ winter yet.”

“Whatever. A couple of weeks to go. The snow is already terrible,” Roxas sulked.

“Maybe I’ll buy you a set of hand warmer gel packs. My friends always go snowboarding in the winter and swear by them. My roomie claims he would be the victim of frostbite if it weren’t for those magic gel packs.”

Roxas kept his eyes on the bath, not feeling in the mood to even enjoy the strip show that Axel always gave him at this point in the evening. He worked on piling the bubbles high, like he had done, what felt like so long ago now.

“Don’t bother. I’ve tried those things. They’re good for the first five minutes but after that they’re pretty useless for me. I need something a lot stronger.” - ‘ _Like your body next to mine,’_ Roxas thought ruefully.

Axel slipped into the bath. “Do you need me to ply you with alcohol?” Long legs sidled in next to Roxas’, and feet tucked themselves against his backside. Roxas loved this part. He had no complaints about the smaller bathtubs any longer. But right now it ached. Was this the last time they would ever do this together?

Roxas felt unwell.

“You know that’s a myth, right? Alcohol only makes your skin feel warmer. It opens up your capillaries but then all that cold air just forces your blood to cool, which then drops your core body temperature,” Roxas educated. “So it’s one of the worst things you could do. Short term relief for long term suffering. No thank you.”

“Hmm, you learn something new every day.”

“You certainly do. You know I once watched this documentary on glaciers. I think I saw it on the TV guide. We could watch that later, but anyway, this doco was talking about how Polar Bea -.”

“Roxas, what’s wrong?” Axel interrupted.

“Huh?”

“You’re not being your normal self, and you look unhappy.” A toe stroked Roxas’ side with affection.

Roxas bit his bottom lip, gently worrying at it. He wanted to desperately forget confessing to Axel. Just slide back into how they had always been with each other. Forget wanting more. Just leave it alone.

Roxas could surely come up with a myriad of viable excuses for his rambling behavior. He could totally forget about his need to come clean. But that damned toe… that affectionate tone… the fact that Axel _knew_ something was up… it hurt. 

Roxas didn’t want to lose Axel. He didn’t want to lose what they had. But oh how he also wanted _more_. But Roxas couldn’t have Axel and have _more_. It wasn’t gonna work like that.

He needed to tell Axel _something_ though. Roxas swallowed, hard. “I’m sorry I stole that kiss from you.”

“I’m not. I just wish I hadn’t been asleep for most of it.”

An internal groan rattled around Roxas’ head. He hated feeling this way. He hated sitting on all this anxiety. He wanted the discomfort out of his life. Forget waiting for the opportune moment. Forget finding the perfect time. It would never come.

“I want to kiss you more.” 

There. It was out. Everything else be damned.

Axel seemed taken aback by how forthright Roxas was being all of a sudden. Eyes fluttered as he strained to comprehend the meaning and implications. In a few more moments brows narrowed in some sort of conclusive determination. “Then do it. You know I want the same thing.”

“But I don’t want to give you what you want.”

Roxas’ heart hammered away, causing foam to vibrate along with him. Why was he pursuing this conversation? He should have left it where it had been. He should have lept at Axel and kissed him instead. He shouldn’t have let himself ‘wing it’. He should have made a commitment to just giving in and watch Axel disappear into the distance once they were done with each other.

But no… he was apparently hard set on the talking route. Roxas’ mind screamed at him with frustration. Had he learned nothing from the past? Was Roxas _really_ _this_ stupid?

Axel tilted his head up sideways in confusion. “A-are we really doing this _again,_ Roxas?”

Other than that first apology this was the only time either one of them had made reference to that awful time in the past.

Yup. Apparently Roxas really _was_ that stupid. “Yes. We are.” Roxas fought to keep the pain off his face.

“Why?”

“Because I - I actually know now what the problem is.”

 _Problem_. Roxas scoffed. His feelings were the problem. Axel’s rigid worldviews were the problem. Fancy not wanting to settle down and have a long term relationship. Axel truly _was_ weird.

Axel sighed. “So then tell me. What are you so worried about?”

“I -.” Roxas took a deep breath.

Should he? He was already too deep into this mess. He couldn’t get out of it now. This was it… this was crunch time. Roxas swallowed down the lump in his throat… with some difficulty. He grimaced at the bathwater and began letting out the painful truth, “I - don’t want what we have to end. I - don’t want to have sex if you’re not going to be here anymore.” He felt like he was turning green with the broiling nausea inside himself.

How would Axel take those words? Roxas’ eyes took a tentative peek up. Axel just looked… _confused_?

“Is that why you've been holding out for so long? To… _keep_ me?” There was an edge in Axel’s voice. A sharpness to his narrowed eyes.

Roxas’ toes curled in discomfort. His mind drifted over what Axel had told him months ago and even just earlier on the bed. Fear flooded him. His head drooped. _‘Don’t be stupid. He doesn't want a relationship! Abort! Abort!_ ’ Roxas yelled at himself. 

He didn’t want to lose Axel. Forget what Ventus told him. Forget what he told himself. Those two weeks without Axel had been torrid enough. He didn’t want to experience something like that ever again. How could he save this? How could he brush this off as something frivolous?

He laughed. Loud and clear.

“Oh no. Oh _God_ no. Nothing like that, pfft!” Roxas waved his hand at Axel, sending water and foam hurtling through the air. “What we’ve got right now is… well almost perfect.” Roxas’ heart was hammering. He ventured a more confident look at Axel, to help with his charade. Was he overdoing it? Roxas couldn’t read Axel’s expression. All it said was ‘ _serious’_. 

“I just want what we have to continue. I really like our weird bit of fun. I like having things to do, and someone to do them with in the evenings, that’s all. I like that we can both live our lives and not get caught up in… ,” he shrugged, “well all the shit that comes with… expectations or commitments.” Roxas almost choked on that word. And his next sentence wasn’t any easier to say either… but he had to… 

“I -I like that you just go and screw whoever you want. And I like that I can go on dates with whoever _I_ want.” Roxas tried for a casual smile. His heart smashed into him uncomfortably. Had he managed to save it? Had he covered himself? And if he had… at what cost?

“Oh… you seeing someone?” eyes narrowed further. Axel’s voice sounded strained.

Roxas was taken aback by that question. “N-no. Not at the moment. But it’s good to know that if I wanted to I could.” He was amazed at the bullshit he was pulling out of thin air.

“If you do start dating someone you need to tell me,” Axel said sternly.

Roxas’ stomach seized up tight. His heart fluttered. “Why?” he croaked.

“Well the moment you do I’m out of here. I don’t mess around with people who are taken. No matter how hot they are.”

How Axel managed to make Roxas feel both hot and cold at the same time was something he never understood. 

“Really? But I though -”

“You thought what, Roxas? That I’d just fuck anyone irrespective of anyone else’s feelings?”

Axel’s nostrils flared and his lips formed a thin line.

Roxas tensed up. He’d never seen Axel look quite this angry before. He stammered incoherent sounds. 

Axel kept firing. “Well you fucking thought wrong, didn’t you.”

“I -I’m sorry,” Roxas managed to get out, completely taken aback.

Axel inhaled sharply, and exhaled softly. His features relaxed. Tension seeped out. “It’s ok. Just… promise me you’ll tell me when you hook up with someone and it gets serious, ok?”

Axel’s ferocity had put Roxas into a semi state of shock. It took a moment for his mind to start working again. ' _Serious_ ’... Roxas might have scoffed at that. He didn't even know the definition of the word. It seemed to mean different things to both of them. But Roxas nodded regardless, hardly squeaking above a whisper, “I promise.”

Axel’s eyes soften further but he looked away, lost in thought.

A gulf of silence opened up between them.

“I… didn’t mean for this conversation to go this way,” Roxas muttered. “I just… ,” his eyes drifted back down towards the water, only throwing the most tentative of glances towards Axel, “I really like how carefree and fun this is, Axel. I… ,” he breathed deep. “I get so worried that if I let you fuck me you’ll leave. And then… then… I’ll be left to my boring, non-weird life.” Roxas felt so childish saying that stuff. He felt stupid and ashamed. But he was so desperate to make Axel stay. To make Axel continue believing that Roxas didn't care for Axel outside of their hotel world.

Green eyes returned to look at Roxas and seemed to grow marginally larger. But Axel’s gaze dropped, like he had no clue what to say to Roxas.

Was he surprised? Was he put off? Roxas hated not knowing.

Truthfully Roxas was slightly angry at himself and this massive cop out. He was supposed to have professed his desire for the other man. He was supposed to have been crystal clear and then let them figure out where to go from here. But _no_! Instead Roxas was being unfair on both of them. He was apparently working on _keeping_ them in this stasis of mismatched expectations. 

It upset Roxas. It upset him that he couldn’t let go of Axel. That he was so uncomfortable with the idea of not having him in his life.

He fixed his eyes back on Axel and muttering quietly, “I -I worry that things will change if I let you fuck me. I don’t want things to change.”

Roxas watched Axel’s mouth open, and his chest rise with an inhale of breath. Something was forming on lips but then it seemed to be swallowed up again. He seemed to struggle with finding words for once in his smug life. 

And… Axel's eyes narrowed again.

Maybe Axel didn't believe Roxas’ lie that he didn’t want anything more significant? Maybe Axel would bail on Roxas right here and now?

No… surely not. Roxas was Axel’s… _investment_. He wouldn’t leave without getting a return. Roxas’ throat constricted with disgust. He wanted to throw up with the overbearing nausea inside himself.

Axel started up slowly, seemingly picking his words carefully, “I like what we have too, Roxas.” 

Relief squeezed Roxas’ innards, forcing a small exhale of breath to seep out of his chest.

But why did Axel look so pained?

“If you’re holding out because you think I’ll leave you then… ,” Axel searched around the tub for something. He looked like he was searching inside himself for something. “Well there are a few casual fucks I let hang around in my life. You can be one of those if you want to be.” Axel’s head drifted up. A weak smile was offered up to Roxas.

It didn’t make him feel better in the slightest. Roxas groaned in distaste and openly frowned.

“Sorry. It’s not supposed to sound that revolting.”

“Well it does,” Roxas muttered.

“Mm, ok let me try again. - I, um… Things won’t change. Everything will stay exactly how they are right now. No matter if we fuck or not. I’ll be here to take you to weird hotels for as long as you keeping finding this fun.” 

Roxas felt floored. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah. I have a _lot_ of fun with you, Roxas. I really enjoy your company. If this is what you want we’ll keep it how it is. Nothing more, nothing less.” A weary smile briefly came to life on Axel's lips.

Roxas felt exhausted. The nausea and anxiety evaporated. But what he was left with was a dull ache. He _wanted_ more. But Roxas felt unable to fight for it. He was so drained. He had lost a fierce battle and there was no way back from this defeat.

Roxas breathed in the humid still air between them. He swallowed down the sting behind his eyes. This would surely be for the best. As long as they kept things casual everything could remain as it had been over the last four months. As long as things didn’t get too serious Axel would stay in Roxas’ life. 

He should be happy about that. He shouldn’t be childish about this. Being an adult was knowing that you couldn’t have everything you ever wanted in life, and Roxas was definitely an adult.

Ok. Surely he could deal with that, right?

“Roxas?” Axel called out in a much too small voice.

Roxas lifted his gaze. Axel still looked gravely serious.

“I’d like that,” Roxas said with a small, sharp nod. He flicked up a smile, trying to lighten whatever mood they had sunk into. 

Axel returned a weak smile of his own. 

They quietly breathed in the steaming air around them.

Why did talking about stuff like this always leave them drenched in awkward silence?

Axel shifted, causing water to lap against the edges of the tub. Roxas ventured a look up to see a mischievous grin growing on Axel’s face. Roxas’ shoulders suddenly relaxed. The knots in his stomach loosened. Something terrible was coming. Roxas felt too eager for it.

Axel’s voice shifted tone, “Well, now that we got that out of the way maybe we can get something going.” Feet caressed Roxas’ hips. “Maybe now would be a good time for us to visit the dungeon rooms,” he chuckled.

And there is was. Roxas felt a million times better. He put his old defiant mask on and pursed his lips. “I don’t think I want to see.”

“Why not? When we finally get to screwing each other you’re gonna change your tune,” Axel smirked.

Roxas’ heart thudded to life, stirring his innards and sending pulses down his body.“It’s weird.”

Axel’s glorious laughed bounced around the bathroom and caused the water and foam to ripple.

It injected pure warmth into Roxas’ veins.

“What’s weird are the Chocobo and Moogle rooms.”

“The… _what_?” Roxas choked.

“Yeah, you heard me. I’m totally taking you to those too. Life sized and so many feathers and pom poms. It’s like a tickle torture room.” Axel kept laughing, which seemed to infect Roxas as well.

The knots in his stomach untangled completely. His lungs loosened and were able to soak up all the air they needed. He was glad he had been able to get some of that stuff off of his chest. It hadn’t fixed anything, but at least he knew Axel would still be around in some capacity. 

But the thought that Roxas should try dating other people drifted to his mind again. It brought his mood down once more, just when it had started to soar. 

The light laughter within Roxas died down.

If Roxas couldn’t have a relationship with Axel maybe he needed to try out other people? Maybe he was just so wrapped up in wanting Axel because he had no one else in his life?

Roxas didn’t know. His head began hurting from too much thinking. He wanted to be wrapped up in Axel’s arms right now. So he squeaked and scooched closer to him. 

Roxas was warmly received. His legs folded in and knees pressed against Axel’s chest. Firm long limbs slid around Roxas. A wash cloth was handed to him, right on cue. Roxas focused on his job. He looked at nothing but his hands and where he was wiping. 

The discomfort of their previous talk still hung and lingered.

Conversation didn’t flow. Axel didn’t even hum his ridiculous little tunes. They just sat together in silence.

He felt Axel’s heart beating with vigor against his legs - but maybe it was just an echo of Roxas’ own racing heart. He wasn’t sure. Axel seemed pretty carefree and put together most days. Surely he hadn’t been fazed by what they had spoken about.

Roxas worked hard on keeping that fake smile on his face. It dropped from time to time, but he plastered it back on. Axel seemed to be faring much the same way.

It was terrible.

What if Axel saw through his charade? What if he had said that stuff about sticking around just to lure Roxas in to getting a return on the _fucking investment_? Those were horrendous thoughts to be plaguing Roxas. But he couldn’t shake them.

Roxas finished exposing Axel’s true face but continued wiping down cheeks, over lips, and towards his neck.

Slight sloshing of water sounded. Their combined breathing filtered softly to Roxas’ ears.

Everything was so still.

Fingers grazed Roxas’ shoulders. He felt winded by the touch. The washcloth slipped out of fingers and dropped into the water below, with a quiet _splosh_. Axel’s touch melted him. It melted his demonic thoughts. Roxas wanted to drown in how good that caress felt. Roxas wanted to feel more.

Weakness overcame Roxas’ body. Maybe he was _too_ hot for once in his life? Maybe he needed sustenance? No, it was just Axel having that effect on him. It was the newfound knowledge that Roxas _could_ take things to the next level if he wanted to, without the fear of losing anything. Because Axel had said that he’d stay around. And Axel was a man of his word.

Roxas’ hands trembled. He felt ready to burst with anxious energy. He had no way to let it out - bar one. His eyes focused on lips. Roxas’ hands cupped Axel’s face. Thumbs drifting over tattoos. His gaze shifted up towards intense green eyes.

Roxas’ heart only pounded harder. “Axel… ,” Roxas tried breaking the silence.

Axel didn’t move a muscle. Eyes scanned over Roxas. Why was Axel always searching? What was he looking for?

Axel’s smile bloomed after a moment longer. It slowly spread out and touched every part of his face. “I’m up for anything you want to do,” Axel rumbled in that tone which scratched the deep itch Roxas only knew he had when he was with Axel. 

Roxas could barely feel Axel’s chest rise and fall with a single breath. All there existed was the ferocious pounding of hearts and the far off echoing drips of the leaking shower.

Roxas got the message. Everything was always on his terms. Axel would never push the issue. He would mercilessly tease and insinuate, but he had always waited for Roxas to make the first move - to give his consent - to accept the myriad of invitations.

He felt so completely sad all of a sudden. Sad to lose the man. Sad to ever have thought of him as a pervert. Sad for having taken so long to do this and to put his trust in him.

Roxas gently pulled that face he loved to look at towards himself. Axel's chest heaved with anticipation.

Roxas drew himself up against Axel, meeting him halfway. His heart was racing, his pulse hammered.

Lips pushed together. Soft and moist. Gentle yet firm.

Hands on Roxas’ shoulders swept towards his back, pulling Roxas closer towards Axel. Gentle kisses were left at first. Hushed sucking and pecking sounds filled the room as lips explored and tasted each other tentatively.

This felt even better with Axel reciprocating. The way Axel sucked on Roxas was divine. The pressure intensified. Roxas’ body buzzed. Throbbing pulses sent heat coursing through every part of himself. Axel's body was hot and hard against him. Lips were soft and sizzling. Axel's warm scent wafted and engulfed him. Fingers rubbed and stroke.

Axel's tongue came out to play, licking and tracing the crease between Roxas’ lips. He wasn’t able to stop it - a moan of pleasure stirred in Roxas throat. Axel felt so good.

Roxas’ sound seemed to light Axel’s fire. He pushed harder against Roxas’ lips. He sucked a little firmer and started nipping gently, as if wanting to devour Roxas. The way their lips hungered for one another intensified. Teeth grazed and nipped at soft puckered flesh. Axel began sucking on Roxas’ lip as if he had waited for this moment his whole life.

Roxas drew his arms around Axel’s slight shoulders, lifting himself up. They shifted. Roxas found himself sitting on Axel’s lap. He wrapped his legs around slim waist, and felt Axel’s thighs and knees against his back, pushing Roxas closer. The movement served to deepen their passionate and needy kiss. Roxas’ mouth had opened, giving Axel a reason to dive in.

The water felt cold compared to Axel's heat. Another sound shook out of Roxas and into Axel’s mouth. The pleasure was immense. He wrapped his legs tighter around Axel, pushing their chests flush together. Roxas ground his growing erection against Axel’s own hardening one.

Axel pushed Roxas backwards, sandwiching him between Axel’s propped up thighs and that tilted and taut chest. Axel’s tongue plunged deeper into Roxas. Axel sucked harder. Roxas moaned louder. Everything was pushing against, and into Roxas. 

It felt incredible.

Breathing became labored. Pleasurable buzzing and nausea built inside of Roxas. He rubbed his tongue against Axel’s. They entwined and rolled against each other. Delicate searing hands ran down Roxas’ sides, massaging and kneading as they traveled down, down, down. They stopped at hips, where fingers stroked, thumbed, and pushed against skin.

The heat was overwhelming in Roxas’ stomach. Axel tasted so good, Axel felt so good. Axel pulled away but Roxas chased those lips and captured them. A softer exchange followed, full of affection. But Axel pulled away again, smiling. 

Roxas’ breath labored, his chest heaved. He bit his lip to stifle the sounds which threatened to escape, as he pushed hips against Axel’s stomach. Pleasurable tingling ran through his body. He buried his head in the crook of Axel's neck and rubbed up against Axel, harder. 

“Ahh shit, Roxas. I knew you would be worth the wait,” Axel moaned with raw lust.

Axel’s hand roved down to thighs. He stroked Roxas firmly. His fingers moved to the softer and far more sensitive skin on the inside of thighs. Roxas squirmed against Axel’s touch. Warm hands were dangerously close to his throbbing erection. Roxas’ hips pushed forward, rubbing his sensitive head against heated skin.

He hissed but also berated himself. This was only supposed to have been a kiss. He couldn’t give in just yet, no matter how much he wanted Axel to stroke him. But thinking about it made Roxas arc his back even more. He _wanted_ as much of himself as possible against Axel’s skin. He craved that contact so badly.

“You want me to touch you?” Axel's fingers kept trailing towards Roxas’ amazing need.

Roxas lifted his head and looked at Axel through half lidded eyes. 

He didn’t want to lose Axel. He still didn’t completely trust that Axel wouldn’t up and leave after they screwed. So that’s ultimately what made him stop himself before he began begging for Axel’s touch. 

He gnawed his lip and used every available ounce of self control to not buck into that touch. He squeezed out the words, “Let’s go make out on the bed.”

“Alright,” Axel agreed, almost as breathlessly as Roxas.

They untangled themselves from one another. Roxas’ skin pricked with sensitivity against all of Axel’s touches as he lifted himself off Axel’s lap. His body shivered as his erection brushed past Axel’s face. Green eyes were half closed, following Roxas’ upward motion. 

“Mmm, you’re such a tease,” Axel licked his lips and craned his head towards Roxas’ erection as Roxas turned and hopped out of the tub.

That had been so embarrassing… but Roxas was also so incredibly turned on at having had his penis so close to Axel’s mouth.

He kept walking, grabbing a towel on his way out and drying off as we went.

With a wild and racing heart he sat himself down on their bed. Axel was towering above him in a matter of moments. 

He looked like a God. Bare chested, glistening with moisture, and towel loosely held around waist. Axel could make all of Roxas’ fantasies come true, if Roxas was brave enough to take a chance.

Lust smoldered away behind green eyes. Axel wet his lips. His free hand cupped Roxas cheek, thumbing and then sliding down to Roxas’ neck and came to rest on his shoulder. Everything tingled. Roxas’ breath escaped, dragging a light moan with it. Axel bit his lip. The man’s towel dropped to the floor. Both hands suddenly clamped onto Roxas’ bare shoulders. Roxas’ eyes widened. 

Axel moved atop of Roxas. Long legs spread apart as they engulfed his thighs in a straddle. Roxas was pushed down onto the bed. Hot hands swept over Roxas’ chest, grazing nipples. The pressure of Axel's hands traveling up to Roxas’ neck was divine. Roxas was sure Axel could feel the ferocity of his pulse thumping as fingers swept over his jugular before cupping his jaw.

“Is this ok?” Axel husked with a lot of hope. Fingers stroked cheeks.

“Yeah,” Roxas heaved with desire.

He reached up behind Axel’s head, pushing Axel down into a forceful kiss. Mouths opened. Teeth clashed. Tongues explored.

Roxas couldn't get over how soft Axel's lips were. He couldn't get enough of that tongue rubbing at him, wild, wanting.

Hands in Roxas’ hair didn't seem to want to lose contact with Roxas ever again. Roxas knew, because he felt the same way as he massaged the back of Axel's scalp with his own hands.

They kept sucking on each other. Axel began moaning in the back of his throat and Roxas felt like it was finally ok for himself to do the same. His soft, involuntary moans were replaced with forceful and deliberate ones.

Axel dipped his hips, and rubbed his sensitive head against Roxas’ body. Roxas pushed right back, albeit regretting still wearing a towel.

Both groaned into each others mouths.

Axel’s hands wandered and ran all over Roxas’ torso. Fingertips brushed. Palms pressed. Hands grasped and squeezed. 

Roxas followed suit. He palmed tentatively against Axel's chest and stomach. His fingertips drank up the feel of Axel’s body above. That cream skin was too delicious. Sinewed yet silken. What a wonderful contrast. He had fantasized and dreamed about this. How overwhelming that it was _finally_ happening.

Roxas worked one of his legs free from underneath Axel’s thighs and hooked himself over the slim waist. Roxas pushed and rolled them both over.

Yet it nearly caused them to topple off the bed.

“Shit, sorry,” came the apology as Roxas caught Axel around the chest and pulled him closer to the middle of the bed.

“This is why I like round beds,” Axel winked. “That way we can roll around as much as you want. Especially if you like to be on top. - Do you, by the way?”

“I don’t know. You’ll have to help me find out.”

“Mmm, with pleasure,” Axel moaned.

Roxas dove down, busying himself with attacking all the places he had wanted to mar for months. Roxas started his journey at Axel’s neck. Hungering there like a vampire. He sucked, he bit, he licked. Axel tasted so fucking good. 

He could feel how Axel was unpicking the towel which still wrapped around Roxas’ waist. Roxas was glad Axel was making himself useful. He burned to be completely naked and pressed against the flame beneath him. 

Roxas nipped and licked his way down to Axel’s chest. He was finally at the destination he had wanted to go to the most. Axel had loved teasing him, and now it was time to get revenge and tease him right back.

He took one budding nipple into his mouth, lapping at, and around it, while tweaking the other between fingers.

“Harder, Roxas,” Axel egged on and with a final tug he pulled the offending towel off.

Roxas collapsed onto Axel, craving that full body contact. Axel was such a delightful mixture of soft and coarse. And so hot, all over. Roxas grazed and sucked. Axel moaned and writhed. Hot hands traveled up and down the length of Roxas’ body. His buttock was cupped and kneaded.

“So cute,” Axel moaned.

Roxas didn’t care. Well… maybe he cared a _little_. He bit and pinched harder. Axel sounded pleased though. Long legs wrapped around Roxas, leaving him nowhere to go but stay put and pleasure Axel.

Roxas didn't want it any other way.

Roxas’ free hand continued to roam down Axel’s side, feeling the valleys and peaks of the lithe body below him. It seemed to set Axel’s world on fire. 

“Oh Roxas, I love your cold hands. Run them down - oh yeah,” he gasped and moan.

Roxas obliged Axel’s requests with much enthusiasm. 

“Ah - right _there_. Yes, yeah. Mmmm.”

Roxas felt Axel's skin pricked under his touch. The way Axel was getting off on Roxas’ roaming hands made the butterflies kick up a firestorm inside. Sharp pulses and throbs ran directly to his groin.

Axel’s legs released Roxas, and before Roxas realized what was happening he was flipped over and on his back once more. 

“Unlucky for you I also like to be on top,” Axel smirked down. “Which is _exactly_ why we need a round bed. Coz I'll fight you for this position.”

“No round beds. Just -.”

Roxas pulled Axel down into a kiss. There was too much talking going on. Roxas just wanted to get lost in Axel’s hot touch.

And he did. Quite easily.

Axel’s tongue left Roxas’ mouth. Hands maneuvered all over Roxas’ body, while lips sucked hard on Roxas’ neck. Almost in revenge of Roxas having left what would certainly become a hellish bruise on Axel’s own neck. Roxas’ collarbone was nipped. Axel rubbed his fingers across Roxas’ sternum and nipples. His warm hands traced the outline of ribs, swept down Roxas’ stomach, and finally came to rest on hips.

Roxas couldn’t help the way he writhed in pleasure, nor the way he bucked and ground his penis against Axel. Insane shivers rippled through him. Every body part was ablaze with electrified tingles.

That rusty, seductive chuckle out of Axel’s throat only made Roxas squeak with need. “You want me to touch you?” Axel asked once more, with teasing pleasure.

Roxas’ stomach was rock hard with desire. “Yes,” he whined, and followed it up with a “ _Please_.”

“Please, what?”

Roxas had lost all resolve. This was it. They were gonna have sex and Roxas would lose Axel. But his need was too great. He didn’t want it to stop. He didn’t care for consequences. 

“Please… touch me, Axel,” Roxas whimpered. He bucked his hips upward to help get the point across.

“Ahh fuck, Roxas. I've been dying to hear you say that for so long,” Axel muffled against Roxas’ skin.

Roxas received a sharp nip on his collarbone and the hand on his hip finally moved to where Roxas wanted it to go. He groaned from the pit of his stomach. He groaned even louder than what he usually did in his own private bathroom at home. It felt so much better.The satisfaction of hot fingers stroking the underside of his shaft was intense. 

The pressure and fingertips traveled up towards Roxas’ swollen and slickening head was so great. Millions of nerve endings blazed alight as tips traced ridges and rubbed against Roxas’ slit.

Roxas lost himself in the warm touch. His arms raised above his head and Roxas sunk his hands into his hair, pulling gently and groaning. It was so fucking nice to have someone else's hands on him.

It was perfect that this someone else was Axel.

Kisses trailed up Roxas’ body, but he hardly took notice. Not until lips were against his own. They smothered the groaning sounds of pleasure escaping Roxas’ throat and gut. Roxas writhed helplessly. His hands left his head and slithered into Axel's hair, pulling him closer.

As their kiss intensified Axel's silvery tongue began thrusting in and out of Roxas's mouth. Axel plunge in with ferocity and desire, over and over again. He reached a little deeper each time.

It was sublime. Axel tasted and felt _so_ good.

Fingers danced around Roxas’ weeping head, sending chills and shivers down all of Roxas’ nerve endings. He had never felt so much pleasure before. He pulled harder at Axel’s hair, forcing that blazing furnace closer to himself. Pushing that tongue deeper into himself. 

For a brief moment Roxas wanted Axel to do what he was doing with his tongue, but with his penis instead.

Roxas’ eyes flew open.

Axel’s firm tongue fled Roxas’ mouth.

Both men looked towards the door where the soft rap had come from.

Rasps and heavy breathing filled the room. Roxas’ heart slammed against his breast. His chest vibrated with ferocity. His eyes returned to the sight of flushed skin and bruised lips above himself. “What -?” was the only word Roxas managed to get out.

Green eyes returned and settled on Roxas, appearing far cooler than they had been moments before. A kiss was placed on Roxas’ burning cheek. Roxas’ stomach clenched at the gentle gesture. He wanted more affectionate kisses. 

Axel quirked an eyebrow and nodded slightly towards the door. “It’s for you,” he labored, with heaving chest.

“For me?” Roxas said dumbly. His brain was too lust addled to compute.

“Yeah,” Axel rumbled, clearly amused. But he also slowly pulled away.

‘ _No, no. Don’t go,’_ Roxas’ mind screamed. His hand reflexively reached out for Axel. 

Axel gave a soft chuckle and took Roxas’ hand, pushing it back down onto Roxas’ body as Axel slid back a little to straddle cool thighs. 

Roxas regretted the loss of that full body contact. But what he regretted even more was Axel’s hand leaving Roxas’ shaft. He whimper. 

Axel moved off Roxas completely. “Go on, get your treat.”

“But I was _just_ getting it then,” Roxas pouted, raising himself onto elbows. 

A breathy laugh cascaded out from Axel. Roxas wanted to drown in it. Green eyes burned into Roxas and Axel licked his thumb, seemingly savoring the taste Roxas’ weeping erection had left there.

“Mmm, you're right. That was a pretty nice treat. Tastes just like vanilla.”

Roxas exhaled with shaky, wanting breath, but still managed to roll his eyes at Axel’s stupidity.

Axel chuckled, “You don’t believe me?”

“No.”

“You… wanna have a taste?” Axel held out his glistening thumb.

How did Axel manage to make it seem alluring? Roxas’ eyes drifted from the held out finger to green eyes. His mouth drifted open. His chest rose and fell with great strain.

Axel looked surprised but a cheeky smile engulfed his face. He slowly pressed his thumb against Roxas’ lips.

Roxas was too turned on at that moment to think straight. He pushed his tongue against the offered up digit, slowly licking at it.

Axel moaned in pleasure. He wet his lips as he watched Roxas take his thumb into his mouth.

Roxas closed his eyes as he slowly sucked on the thumb. His stomach buzzed. The coil in his abdomen tightened. He sucked and sucked and swirled his tongue. 

Axel moaned deeper.

Hairs on Roxas’ skin prickled and stood on ends with pleasure instead of the cold. 

He could have kept going but Axel pulled out and thumbed over lips with tenderness. The action pulled Roxas’ eyes open. “You’re such a liar,” he rasped with husky desire. “Tastes nothing like vanilla.”

Axel retracted his hand and stuck the thumb into his own mouth, sucking a little. “Mmm, you’re right. It just got spicy. Completely cinnamon.”

Heat pricked Roxas’ face. He nibbled his bottom lip. Roxas yearned to resume their kissing.

“But c’mon,” Axel rolled Roxas over. “We can have plenty of fun later. Now go.” 

_Later_? There would be a later? That’s right. Axel would be here. He said he would be. It was overwhelming. 

Roxas’ bare arse was slapped and he relented. 

Grabbing his towel he wrapped it back around himself and headed towards the small service hatch, recessed next to the main door. His body was pulsating with pleasure. His head was swimming. He felt so cold being away from Axel. He needed to get this over and done with as soon as possible.

When he got to the hatch he found his treat - apparently a sea salt milkshake. It surprised Roxas. This particular hotel didn’t actually offer this specific treat. The surprise helped to calm him somewhat. By the time he returned to the bed he felt a lot cooler where his desire was concerned. 

Axel had maneuvered himself under the covers, and pulled them back to let Roxas slip in next to him. 

Roxas did, sitting upright, and resting his head against the headboard. He sipped his drink through a straw while Axel wrapped arms around Roxas’ hips, snuggling against him.

“Thanks, Axel.” Roxas didn't just mean the sweet treat, but couldn't bring himself to say it.

“My pleasure,” Axel purred. He placed a kiss on Roxas’ stomach and snuggled closer.

Flutters erupted, and Roxas smiled softly.

“We can put that doco on about the polar bears if you want,” Axel muffled against Roxas skin. He waggled the remote lazily.

“Sure.”

The TV came to life, the volume low.

It was weird how the heat of the previous moment had fizzled out. Now there was just a relaxed calm. The only trace of what had happened ghosted in the way Roxas’ heart was still pounding, and by the wetness still clinging to Roxas’ sleeping arousal.

He ran a hand through Axel's hair, gently massaging his scalp. Roxas felt Axel's lips turn up into a smile, followed by a peck against Roxas’ belly button, before Axel stilled his movements.

Roxas thoughtfully sucked on his sweet and salty treat. Images of melting ice caps receding over the years flickered on the screen before them. Roxas didn't need to hear it. He knew all about the world heating up.

Just like Axel was heating up Roxas’ world.

Axel was so warm. God, how Roxas loved it.

Roxas kept running fingers through red mane.

Axel had willingly stopped. He had made Roxas stop. What was that all about? Familiar and unavoidable affections rolled inside. Something so much bigger and brighter than lust and need bloomed. Something more beautiful and delicate.

“Axel… I- I really like you,” he whispered. “I don’t want you to ever leave me.”

But Axel didn't respond. He was fast asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The fun has _just_ begun ;)
> 
> And I think [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qSDvchLmqnI) song and [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mJi8sIlkqCU) song fit this chapter.


	12. The Next Level

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas finally allows himself to have his needs and desires met.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **-Author Commentary-** This chapter underwent major reconstructive surgery. What you see here are the very raw and bare bones and is all that is left of the chapter which once upon a time existed in the 2nd draft of this fic. In the 2nd draft there were things being alluded to. There was lazy writing galore. Painting over really darn significant events in broad brush strokes. Wading into this chapter - stripping it apart and gutting it - was probably one of the best choices I made for this fic. It was also a bloody headache. It hurt my soul. It significantly changed the whole fic. The process also made the fic a lot stronger for it. Get this - 2nd draft this chapter was 6800 words long. After taking the vague elements out and putting focus on them I ended up with three extra chapters and additional 21,000 words to this fic XD.
> 
> So excuse the fact that this chapter is quite short and almost nothing but PWP. 
> 
> Everything significant and relationship building (not saying sex ain't important to relationship building -coz it is-) has been delegated to the next three chapters. Which incidentally are also some of my most favourite of this entire fic. ^__^
> 
> So without further ado... extremely explicit content below. 
> 
> Enjoy :)

When Axel had awoken again after half an hour or so it had been like nothing had happened. Roxas hadn’t been sure how he felt about that. Maybe grateful? Maybe a bit annoyed that Axel was being such a sickeningly respectful and chivalrous jerk of a gentleman? 

Couldn’t he just _take_ Roxas already? And then leave? Then at least it wouldn’t be Roxas’ actions which had initiated Axel’s loss of interest in him, and Axel’s possible disappearance from Roxas’ life? If Axel just forced himself on Roxas and went away then Roxas wouldn’t have to be heartbroken about it. Yeah… maybe that had been the actual truth. Roxas was still sitting on the fence about trusting that Axel wouldn’t leave if they fucked.

It had been a pretty dismal way to be feeling, but the remainder of the evening went by well enough. They had watched some stuff. They had laughed and chatted. Roxas had eaten a fair few more desserts. And Axel had sat _really_ ridiculously close. They only ever had that much body contact in the bathtub or if they were having a nap. So that had kept Roxas pretty darn warm all evening, and had kept his heart hammering with some force.

The change in their personal space bubble also seemed to indicate to Roxas that he _hadn’t_ been dreaming. He had confessed to Axel… to some extent. Roxas was still bitter with himself about that. But hey… it had lead to something pretty fucking hot. Their make-out session hadn’t been a grand delusion brought on by months of pent up sexual frustration. Roxas was happy about that. But he also felt inexplicably shy, despite them having run their hands all over each other only a few short hours ago. 

Roxas had thought it a little strange that he had been so hypersensitive to all of Axel’s movements beside himself. He hadn’t been nervous about the nakedness. They had seen each other naked before, so many times already. But now the fact that Roxas could touch and kiss, and _be_ touched and kissed in return… that was a bit intimidating. But at least Roxas hadn’t felt uncomfortable. Just a little bit embarrassed and skittish as they had continued to lounge naked under the covers. 

The evening had eventually drawn to a close though. 

When they had both been ready to leave the hotel room, that Friday night, they had loitered in the hallway before the door. That had also been something completely new. The usual had always been for them to chatter about whatever inane program they had been watching earlier, while they dressed and grabbed their belongs. Their busy motions had never slowed or faltered. They had always headed back outside into the real world without hesitation. 

But this time Axel's hands had lingered on Roxas’ body. He had tilted Roxas’ face up and had smiled so tenderly. That look had squeezed the air out of Roxas, and had made his feet tingle with a rush of warmth. 

Fingers had stroked cheeks and lips with so much want. _“I didn’t scare you, did I?”_ Axel’s low rumble had stoked the fire in the pit of Roxas’ belly.

_“No. What makes you say that?”_

_“Well… you know.”_ Axel’s smile had seemed a little bit sad, a little bit hopeful. His eyes had fallen onto Roxas’ lips, which Axel had been thumbing provocatively. 

Breathing had been a little more difficult than before. _“I just thought an old man like you needed a bit of a break.”_ Roxas had grinned up at Axel, with the purpose of wanting to chase away the worry he thought he had witnessed in green eyes.

Axel had chuckled softly. _“Cheeky. You don’t have to worry about me. I have stamina where it counts,”_ he had followed up with a wink.

Roxas had felt his cheeks heat up at that statement. It had reminded Roxas of the last time Axel had mentioned his stamina. And then Roxas had thought of how he definitely wanted to be able to test Axel on that one day… which had only grown the embarrassed blush on his face. 

_“I’ll hold you to that,”_ he had said.

Axel’s smile had grown in strength. _“So does that mean the next time we see each other we’re ok to keep doing what we started doing in the bath and on the bed?”_

Roxas’ skin had tingled. His heart had melted a little at Axel asking permission. It had touched him that Axel always seemed to put Roxas’ comfort level first. Yes, it had been irritating hours ago, when all he had wanted was to be taken by Axel - get it over and done with already. But Roxas’ heart had swayed once more towards lumping Axel into the ‘adorable’ category, instead of the ‘jerk’ category. 

Roxas had huffed out gently. He had reminded himself of their bathtime conversation. He had reminded himself that Axel had promised him that he wouldn’t leave. And Roxas sought solace in the fact that Axel had never given Roxas a reason not to trust him. So Roxas had smiled up at green eyes and sexy tatts. He had wanted to show Axel that he was perfectly fine to continue on down this road. So he had nodded too eagerly. _“But you know what my mom always tells me?”_

_“What?”_

_“Why put off till tomorrow what you can start today.”_ Roxas had grinned through his nerves and pushed himself onto toes. He had stretched arms around Axel’s neck, and pulled himself towards lips, where he had planted the last kiss of the night. 

Axel had still been so delicious and soft. He had still tasted amazing. He had still smelled warm and had radiated even more heat. Roxas hadn’t wanted to leave as Axel had wrapped his arms around him. Roxas had been pulled closer. Their tongues had rubbed against one another.

That had been the final intimate touch between them for two whole days, twenty hours and thirteen minutes… but who was counting… 

Roxas was buzzing with heavy need for days after their first kiss. Why had he done that with Axel on a Friday? Maybe Roxas did enjoy torturing himself like Ventus had suggested. He was downright burning to get behind closed doors. 

He followed Axel off the subway that Monday afternoon, trailing him like a noon shadow. Roxas bumped into Axel's back every time Axel's gait slowed even marginally. He repeatedly stepped on heels of multicolored Espadrilles by accident, and muttered his ‘ _Sorry’s_ ’. 

Once they had arrived at a hotel lobby Roxas pressed up against Axel as firmly as he could, whilst Axel selected this evening's room. 

“You want something, Roxas?” Axel teased in response to Roxas’ close proximity and pushing.

“No. What makes you think that?”

“Oh just… a feeling I have,” Axel sniggered and rocked his body against Roxas.

When they stepped onto the elevator Roxas stared at the ceiling mounted camera. It served as a reminder to not jump Axel just because they were in an enclosed and _seemingly_ private space.

“Urgh, why's this taking so long,” Roxas exclaimed in exasperation. He watched the floor numbers rising. Roxas bounced lightly like he was busting to take a leak. He felt so impatient.

The only sound out of Axel was a breathy chuckle, and Roxas caught the sight of lips twitching up into a snide smirk.

When they got to the hotel room door Axel fumbled with the electronic key. He swiped it too fast. Too slow. Upside down and the wrong way around.

Roxas growled. Axel was doing this on purpose. “Stop being a buffoon and gimmie that,” Roxas grabbed the key, shoved Axel out of the way and unlocked the door on the first try. He threw Axel a look that screamed ‘ _you’re an idiot_ ’.

Axel chuckled, “Hey, opening doors is really hard.”

Roxas rolled his eyes. “You know what _else_ is really hard?” He cocked an eyebrow at Axel and pushed the door open, letting himself in. Axel’s purring growl sounded right behind him.

Roxas’ body buzzed. He was overhyped and sensitive with anticipation and excitement. He had been this way even before he had ever left work that day. He was _so_ hard it was painful. Roxas couldn’t play the slow and stubborn waiting game any longer. He wanted to get off, and get off hard - together - with Axel. Right _now_. 

Axel said he'd stay with Roxas. He said he wouldn't go anywhere as long as Roxas was happy to keep doing what they were doing. So Roxas was putting his whole trust into that promise. And if Axel _did_ leave… well it wouldn't be the end of the world. That had been Roxas’ mantra all weekend. It gave him permission to go all out right now.

The door closed behind them and Axel turned Roxas around with a hand on shoulder, slamming Roxas against the wall. 

_At fucking last!_ Roxas felt so relieved, but also tense with need.

Axel pushed his body right up against Roxas, pressing him flush against the wall. “Is it you?” he breathed into Roxas’ ear and licking the shell.

Roxas shivered. “Why don’t you see for yourself?” he invited and pushed hips against Axel. Roxas exhaled with a pleasurable hiss. Oh how good even that slight friction felt. 

Despite the lusty haze Roxas was lost in, he still saw the shiver of pleasure that rolled through Axel. His words and actions apparently caused green eyes to squeeze shut with pleasure. A low hum of satisfaction and want erupted. Kisses trailed along the exposed areas of Roxas’ neck. 

Between kisses Axel’s words trickled to Roxas’ ears. 

“I want to hear you groan with pleasure, _Roxas._ ” Axel’s hot breath on his neck made Roxas shiver and sigh.

“I wanna,” Axel left a tender nip. “Make you,” He licked, “Come.” A warm kiss pressed near Roxas’ ear, “So.” Axel nibbled on Roxas’ earlobe. “Hard.”

Roxas pushed himself closer to Axel in delight and need.

“I wanna,” Axel grazed teeth along Roxas’ jaw, “Suck.” He kissed the corner of Roxas’ mouth, “You off.” Axel pressed his leg between thighs, rubbing and pushing against Roxas’ erection, “So bad.” 

Axel’s movements, his heat, his smell, his timbre - so lustful and smoky - pulled the coil in Roxas’ core ever tighter. His erection became ever firmer. His head swam. His heart pounded so hard it almost hurt. Crazy intense pleasure rolled over him as long fingers dipped underneath Roxas’ multiple layers and stroked at his belly.

 _“_ Axel _,_ ” was the only pathetic noise Roxas got out. The heat and pulsing between Roxas’ legs didn’t abate. Axel’s leg never ceased its stimulation. Roxas pushed hips against Axel’s body to increase the feeling.

Kisses and licks trailed. Fingers pushed below Roxas’ belted jeans and underneath underwear. One solitary finger found Roxas’ head and pressed against his already weeping slit. An intense hum of satisfaction flowed from Axel. “You been thinking about me all day?”

Roxas moaned, “Yeah.” He was in agony with the need he had been suppressing for months on end. Masturbation wasn’t anything even remotely close to how hot this was.

Finger kept rubbing, gently gliding and flicking his slickened flesh. “You want me real bad?”

“Y-yeah.”

Hot tongue ran behind Roxas’ ear.

Finger… just… kept… 

Axel’s touch was too much. It was enough. Roxas let go, dipping into that eternal radiating heat, which Axel was so good at igniting within Roxas. His stomach clenched and his penis throbbed and pulsated. It felt so good.

He groaned. Guttural and raw. Like Axel had wanted. Roxas’ knees buckled and the shudder flowed through his shaft, leaving delicious heat in the pit of his stomach. He came like the pathetic loser that he was.

Axel pushed himself firmly against Roxas, helping to keep him upright through his orgasm. Roxas slumped heavily against Axel, enjoying his release in combination with Axel’s warm body and scent all around him. A sultry chuckle rolled out of Axel as he lifted Roxas and carried him, bridal style, towards the bed once Roxas had finished his spasming.

Roxas’ moans of pleasure turned to groans of upset as his senses returned to him. “Fuck. No. Shit! Fuck! Fucking crap... piece of... mother fucking - cocksucking... shit! I can’t believe - _MY JEANS_!” Roxas cried in frustration as he inspected himself whilst being carried. 

Axel looked beyond amused. But he tried to sooth with hushing sounds and kisses to Roxas’ forehead. “We’ll get it all dry cleaned. Will be done in an hour, so shh.”

But Roxas hardly heard him through his post orgasm haze and the flaring shame within himself. It was one of the most embarrassing moments of Roxas’ life. He would never be able to forget and he was 100% certain Axel would never forget either.

Axel did a really bad job of stifling the chuckles as he gently lay Roxas onto the bed. The way Roxas glared up at him caused the flood gates to open. Axel howled with mirth. His shrill laugh reverberated around the room.

“Oh you precious cinnabun,” he spoke once he had collected himself sufficiently. Axel wiped at tears and handed Roxas a huge box of tissues from the bedside stand. “I didn’t even - I couldn't even get any of your clothes off,” he squeaked in high pitched delight and pathetically tried to hide his laughter behind a hand.

Roxas groaned. He had wanted his first time coming with Axel to be special. Definitely not this height-of-embarrassing-mess kind of special though. He undid his belt and zipped his fly open, wiping furiously. He threw used bits of tissue paper at Axel’s head. One wadded up hot sticky mess actually hit Axel square in the face. The redhead only laughed more, wiping away at tears and semen.

Roxas glared. “I’m gonna get you back for this. I’ll bide my time. But I will get you.” 

Axel’s body stilled instantly. “Mmm,” he leaned down, giving Roxas a sultry smolder. “Yes, please,” he finished, prying one of Roxas’ hands away from their clean up duty.

“W-what’re you doing?” Roxas heart was still racing from his orgasm. His mind still enveloped in delightful fuzz.

“Helping.” Axel popped Roxas’ sticky fingers into his mouth and sucked him clean.

* * *

The next time they met, after Roxas’ _‘incident’,_ Axel brought him to another awful room with a round bed in it.

“No Axel. What the fuck. You know I don't like these beds,” Roxas grumbled.

“I'm sorry. It was the only non weird room left. I could have taken you to a room full of soft toys.”

Roxas winced and Axel sniggered.

“Don't worry. I'll make you love these beds.”

Roxas shuddered at the thought. “I don't think so.”

Axel chuckled while undoing his own pants and letting them fall to the floor.

“W-what are you doing?” Roxas’ eyes grew wide and he cast them upwards and off that glorious flesh.

“Mmm, I already told you. I’m gonna make you fall in love.”

A shiver ran through Roxas’ body and his chest inflated at those words. Axel was talking about the bed... _right_? Of course.

Roxas’ jeans were tugged at, forcing Roxas to disregard all further thought. He helped Axel and once he was free Axel picked Roxas up and carried him to the bed, whereupon he knelt down in the middle with Roxas sitting on his lap. 

Coats, jumpers and shirts were peeled off. Kisses trailed over completely nude bodies. Fingers stroked. Warm and cold palms rubbed, exploring each other.

“Ah shit, forgot something.”

After a quick shuffle and shift Axel got up and dashed off, returning in a few moments more. 

“I’ve _come_ back in record time, Roxas,” Axel chuckled as the two men repositioned themselves. “Although… I have to admit that I’m not _quite_ as fast as you.”

Roxas groaned in pain and shame.

“Hush, save that sound for a few moments from now, ok?”

Roxas moaned for fun and felt Axel twitch underneath him. Green eyes threw Roxas a grumpy glare. Roxas smiled sweetly and shrugged his shoulders.

Slender fingers undid the cap on a tube of lubricant.

“I think you’ll really like this, Roxas,” Axel smiled and sounded quite eager.

Buzzing tension and excitement swirled inside of Roxas. He didn’t know what exactly Axel had in mind.

“Why?” he queried.

“Oh, you'll see in a few moments.” Axel looked as giddy as a kid in a candy store.

A hand slung around Roxas’ backside and pulled him flush against Axel’s body. Roxas’ arms hooked around Axel’s shoulders. The man was so toasty. Roxas bit down on his lip to stifle his delight. But he hadn’t been able to keep the sounds down when Axel’s slickened and delicate hand pushed between them, seeking out Roxas’ erection. 

Fingers ran over him, and spread the surprising warm liquid. His shaft began heating up. Every time Axel thumbed over his head a buzzing sensation traveled up Roxas’ spine. “Holy shit,” Roxas muffled into Axel’s neck with amazement.

“This is special lube.”

“Ah fuck, you don’t need to tell me that,” and Roxas gently sunk teeth into Axel’s shoulder.

“You wanna help me out here?” Axel’s voice sounded next to his ear.

Roxas peeled off Axel a little and looked down between them at where their erections rubbed against each other. He glanced back up to see Axel’s eyes shining at him with a hopeful smile.

He gave a sharp nod and watched as Axel spread the warm lubricant onto one of Roxas’ hands. Roxas then carefully pressed his fingertips against Axel’s growing and thick arousal. 

Axel’s breath hitched. He bucked a little “Oh God, Roxas.”

Roxas felt embarrassed heat prickle his neck and spreading up to his ears. He had never touched another man before. It wasn’t alien or strange. Roxas had gotten himself off enough times to be familiar with the motion and feel of a cock in his hands. But… this was Axel’s. It was so much hotter, so much firmer and thicker. 

Roxas glanced up at Axel. He didn’t want to miss another moment of watching Axel be overcome with pleasure. He wrapped his hands around Axel’s shaft. Axel’s eyes closed and his brows knitted in longing bliss as Roxas tugged, slow at first, spreading the lubricant. Roxas tested how much pressure he needed to use to make Axel moan for him. 

Not a lot apparently...

Axel’s mouth drifted open and a moan rolled out as Roxas gave a small squeeze at the base of Axel’s shaft. Roxas felt the sharp throbs and twitches as he worked Axel’s erection. Making Axel feel good was suddenly something Roxas wanted to accomplish. He flicked his wrist up and down with a little bit more force.

“Y-you ok doing this, Roxas?” Axel labored through his delight, eyes still closed.

“Completely fine,” Roxas’ voice rasped.

Axel’s hand on Roxas’ erection began it’s stroking motion again. The pressure jolted through Roxas and his hand squeezed tight around Axel’s arousal. Both men moaned and rocked against each other. Their hands moved a little quicker.

Roxas’ palm slid over the ridge and onto Axel’s head. He slid a finger over Axel’s slit. Axel moaned louder. His chest heaved with pleasure. Eyes drifted open in the way which Roxas found too beautiful for words. Roxas pushed lips against Axel’s. Gentle kisses were left while both men pumped each other.

Whimpers and groans sounded out of them both, until Axel chased Roxas’ hand off his own erection.

“Not good enough?” Roxas inquired in between his mewling.

“Mmm, it’s almost _too_ good,” Axel answered and swallowed Roxas’ tongue down with a needy kiss.

More lubricant was applied. Axel started pumping both of them with his one hand. All Roxas was able to do was hold on to Axel. The hand which wasn’t slung around shoulder and back wrapped itself up in Axel’s hair, pulling him into a deeper kiss. Roxas rocked into Axel’s touch. His stomach tightened, his groin tingled. The pressure kept building.

Soon Axel’s forehead was cradled in the crook of Roxas’ neck. Roxas nuzzled his face into Axel’s hair. Hot, erratic breathing sounded from both of them. They clung to each other ferociously. Sweat beaded, slickening their bodies.

“Do you - like this?” Axel panted as his hand continued to stimulate Roxas and himself. Axel’s grip tightened. He pulled Roxas a little firmer towards himself.

Roxas whimpered. He squeezed Axel’s lap with his thighs. “Yeah,” was all he could get out.

“Show me - show me - how much.”

Roxas’ insides contracted. “Ax -,” the name died in Roxas’ throat. He rocked his hips forcefully against the man. Roxas felt so immensely full. He needed to release himself. His nerve endings sparked, and Roxas clenched against it. Fingernails dug into the gorgeous flesh beneath. 

“Come - all over me, Roxas,” Axel urged. He squeezed tight, increasing the speed and pressure. His thumb flicked over Roxas’ head with each stroke.

Roxas’ heart felt ready to explode. A rolling shudder flowed through Roxas. His shaft pulsated and sputtered. Immense warmth spread as he came. He groaned in satisfaction and bit down hard against Axel’s shoulder as his release kept getting forced out of himself, coating Axel’s hand, erection, and their sweat drenched laps. 

Roxas breathed heavily, unable to collect himself or move much from exhaustion and spent satisfaction. Axel groaned Roxas’ name and continued to pump them both, despite Roxas growing somewhat soft and his head being hypersensitive.

Roxas’ breathing calmed a fraction. He nibbled and pulled at skin, leaving a trail of saliva as he explored Axel’s body with his mouth. He nuzzled into Axel’s neck and trailed a hand down between them. They were so hot. So wet. He wanted to help Axel. He dipped fingers into the lubricant and semen concoction which had pooled between them. He stopped Axel’s hand and resumed the motion with his own, firmly clasping around Axel’s width. 

Axel’s throbbing erection was scorching. It was so hard. Roxas’ wrist pumped firmly, working more over Axel’s slickened head after a few practice strokes.

“God, your hand’s still so fucking cold,” Axel gave a guttural groan. “Fuck, I love it.” Axel’s arms flung around Roxas’ upper body. He squeezed so tight.

Roxas’ heart thumped a fraction harder. He hid his blushing face in Axel’s neck, kissing and nipping at him. Skin was so salty. Roxas licked more. 

Axel began groaning with intense pleasure and need. He pulled Roxas even closer against himself. His sticky hand left a glistening trail all over Roxas’ shoulders and neck.

Roxas moaned Axel’s name in delight and rubbed at his slit firmly. A shudder ran through Axel. Roxas could feel Axel’s shaft spam in ecstasy. Roxas was almost crushed by the ferocity of Axel’s arms around him. An immensely satisfied whimper was muffled into Roxas’ hair as thick hot liquid spurted and covered Roxas’ abdomen and hand. 

Roxas continued to pump and moan. Roxas’ whole body tingled. He was so happy that he had made Axel feel so good. He kept his hand between the two of them until Axel was completely soft. They clung tight and breathed heavily against one another.

Shivers of pleasure continued rolling through them.

“I don’t see - how this - is gonna make - me love the bed,” Roxas panted with spent exhaustion.

Axel hummed in his throat and began rocking them side to side. 

His movement suddenly shifted their combined body weight to the right. They toppled over. Roxas yelped. They were still clinging to each other. But the world had turned sideways.

“Next time - you get to decide - which direction - we fall. Coz on this bed - every direction is - the right direction,” Axel beamed through his post orgasm haze. “And don't forget, I'm - gonna fight you to be - on top when that time comes,” the man chuckled softly.

Roxas shook with light laughter before he was pulled into a languid and indulgent kiss. Axel's impossibly warm hands kneaded Roxas’ waist and ran up and down his back. Roxas savored the feel of both their drenched and naked bodies rolling and pressing against each other. God, how long had Roxas wanted for this to happen? He couldn't even remember. But now that it was finally here he relished and reveled in it.

Roxas and Axel spent many nights together, pleasuring and rubbing up against each other after. 

Not always on round beds, as Roxas still had a great aversion to them. But he stopped being quite so affronted by them when Axel did occasionally get them a room with one in it.

Axel teased Roxas relentlessly, telling him to, “ _Slow down and enjoy,”_ when Roxas rubbed himself with great energy against Axel’s always-at-the-ready body. _“You don’t want a repeated pants explosion, now do ya,”_ Axel would chuckle.

Roxas gave dirty glares but it never stopped Axel from commenting, nor did it stop Roxas from grinding.

Axel became quite apt at stripping Roxas down fast, despite Roxas’ multiple layers of clothes. Axel complained at times when he pulled off, what was sometimes the third or _fourth_ layer in a row. “ _My God, Roxas. I need to get you a wearable electric blanket or something. Wool and fleece? You sure you’re not boiling under there?”_

“ _I wish._ ” And Roxas would pull Axel back to his mouth hungrily. 

The kissing was forceful and relentless. Both men always left each other breathless and bruised. Roxas loved the way Axel ravished him. It felt like Axel could never get enough of Roxas. Like there was always more that he wanted. Like he would never tire of Roxas. And Roxas felt like he could never tire of Axel either.

Over the weeks Axel introduced Roxas to so many different sensations and ways of feeling nice. Like - Roxas never knew how much he liked to have the inside of his elbow licked and nipped at until Axel started doing it.

Axel also introduced Roxas to his first ever blowjob.

He had dumped Roxas on the thankfully normal bed, and was running his mouth all over Roxas’ chest as he slid the fourth layer of clothing up and off. 

Axel had lingered too long on nipples, whilst simultaneously rubbing Roxas’ shaft through his clothes. 

“Axel… Axel…” Roxas panted.

Axel only increased his strokes and the way he nibbled at Roxas. It made Roxas groan, but more so out of frustration than erotic excitement. Roxas knew Axel got turned on by Roxas’ squirming and calling out his name. But he was getting it all wrong. “ _Axel_! Stop, I’m gonna… ” he thumped his hand against Axel’s back in desperation.

Red head raised and green eyes looked up. His mouth formed an ‘ _O_ ’ shape, as he finally understood. Roxas squeezed out a hateful frown when hands didn’t abate their massaging of Roxas’ nether regions.

A wicked grin flowered on Axel’s face. He pulled away, down, down, _down_. Jeans were unzipped, underwear pulled off Roxas’ weeping and throbbing erection.

“Say _what_ ifyouwantablowjob,” Axel rumbled from somewhere near Roxas’ lap.

“What?” Roxas answered in confusion.

Incredible heat surrounded Roxas. His eyes rolled back into his head. A low, long moan flowed out of him every time Axel’s mouth swallowed him down. Red hair bobbed. Tongue flicked. Roxas never knew such a sensation existed. Vibrant electricity spread out from Roxas’ groin and traveled all around his body.

Axel hummed, making delightful sounds of satisfaction. Vocal chords vibrated and pushed Roxas over the edge. He bucked his hips, forcing himself deeper into Axel’s mouth while he came with a satisfying groan.

He could feel Axel sucking him down. He could feel that tongue lapping at him. His throbs of pleasure only intensified even after he was all spent. Roxas lay breathing heavy. Arm thrown over his eyes and a hand resting on his chest, as if it would somehow help to sooth his heart.

Axel’s heat left Roxas’ waning erection. The man tenderly tucked Roxas back in and fixed his jeans up. Roxas felt the man sidle up next to him and nuzzle against his neck. 

With a chuckle Axel’s lips pressed against Roxas’ throbbing jugular, placing a kiss there before speaking, “I _came_ to your rescue, Roxas.”

“You can’t - be rescuing me - from something - you inflict on me - doofus,” Roxas labored.

A sound of indignation left Axel’s throat. “Is that all the thanks I get after I saved your jeans from certain destruction?” Axel demanded, pitifully.

Roxas’ lips turned up into a smile. He removed his arm and looked at Axel’s pouting face. “Thanks,” he tried again with warmth and affection.

The pout flipped up into a smile. “Any time.”

Roxas tucked two fingers under Axel’s chin and tilted his face up. He kissed him, full mouthed and with a lot of tongue.

They pulled apart and Axel licked his lips. “You like tasting yourself there?”

Roxas shrugged. “It’s a bit weird. But I don’t mind.”

“Mmm, good. You taste more spicy the more I get to know you.”

Roxas exhaled a shaky breath. His stomach fluttered. Axel pressed their lips back together for more hungry kisses.

From that day forward Axel began giving Roxas a lot of blowjobs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there you have it. The pay off for all the torture of the previous chapters. I hope you enjoyed. There's plenty more to _come_ in subsequent chapters. Please look forward to it, and thank you for reading :)


	13. The Sleep In

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axel becomes unreasonable. Roxas fights to keep things how they’ve always been. But things change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit content below. Trigger warning for sexual assault and violence. Language warning. It gets a bit crass.

Roxas loved everything they did together. They bathed. They got each other off. They cuddled. They often lay together exhausted, and so they slept. Roxas grew desperate to spend more time with Axel. And they did. Where before they were out the door by ten or eleven at the latest, their little naps began dragging on well past midnight.

The problem wasn’t that Roxas had hours of uninterrupted sleep, suddenly waking up to realize half the night was already gone. No. He woke up plenty of times, having restless sleep because he knew they needed to get up and leave. The problem was that Roxas _didn’t want_ to leave. He’d wake up, feel Axel’s weight and heat beside himself and chose to nestle against it… until he drifted off again. This happened over and over again.

Roxas knew he should just wake Axel up when he roused from his slumber. But he couldn’t bring himself to do it. So it seemed like they only got up to leave when both of them were awake at precisely the same time. Usually the stirring of bodies gave it away. Sometimes Roxas found himself facing Axel and when he opened his eyes to look at Axel’s peaceful slumbering face, Axel would already be fondly looking at him. Sometimes Axel shut his eyes as soon as Roxas opened his. He would pretend to be asleep and Roxas would laugh and tickle Axel until he stirred. They always smiled at each other tenderly. But the smiles felt heavy with sadness. For being awake together meant they had to get up and go.

They continued on in this fashion because neither of them seemed happy or wanting to change anything. Even the hasty dashes out the door at one, two or even three in the morning was worth it for the few more moments they spent with each other. They always left to go back to their respective homes, to get a few more hours of sleep in, and to freshen up before work.

Going to work after those nights was a bit arduous. 

Signs of sleep deprivation began showing on both of them. Roxas all too often nodded off on the train until Axel came onboard and gently nudged him awake. Roxas would look up to see an equally weary face smiling down at him. Axel swayed and slumped more than usual and they both yawned, a lot.

Concentrating and being present at work was almost impossible without a shot of something sweet and caffeinated. Roxas did his best to hang in there though. Because on the days when he was reunited with Axel he felt wide awake. Desire, lust and his arousal fuelled Roxas on, and Axel seemed to be fairing much the same way.

But one evening whilst Roxas was pulling Axel’s sweaty and very naked body down next to himself for a snuggle and nap time cuddle, Axel actually pulled away.

“Roxas, we gotta stop doing this.”

“What?” Roxas sat bolt upright, pulled out of his post-climax haze.

Warm knuckles instantly pressed against Roxas forehead, pushing sweat soaked bangs out of eyes. “I mean the napping. We should just go home. Get a good night's sleep,” Axel soothed with a smile.

Roxas’ stomach had a lead weight inside of it, pushing down uncomfortably. “Why?”

“What? The thought of a good night’s sleep isn’t enticing enough for you?” Axel gently chuckled.

“I get more than enough sleep on our off nights,” Roxas rebutted with some fire.

Axel smiled sweetly, but it fell away in a few more beats of Roxas’ racing heart. “Look, I -.” Axel’s brow furrowed a little. His hand fell away. “Don’t get offended or anything but I don’t feel good knowing you’re heading home so late at night all by yourself.”

“What are you? My mom?” Roxas blasted back.

Axel’s mouth opened. Something lewd was about to fly out… but then lips clamped shut again, as he seemed to think better of it. “C’mon, I told you not to get offended. I just really worry about you,” Axel tried.

 _Shit_.

Roxas swallowed the lump and fought against the fluttering smile. The knowledge that Axel actually thought of him outside of the fucking context made Roxas nauseous with delight. He tried to cover up his tender thoughts, sheathing them in a hard bark, “You don't think I can look after myself?”

“I'm sure you can, but why take the risk? I'd feel better if we left here earlier,” Axel continued to push.

Roxas frowned. Maybe this was a ruse. Maybe Axel felt they were spending _too_ much time together and wanted to distance himself from Roxas? Delight turned to heavy lead. “I’m fine. I’ve been fine, and I’ll continue to be fine,” he pressed.

“C’mon, Roxas. Listen to me. You are much too pretty to walk around dark streets after three at night. That's when all the unsavory people come out to get up to no good. All the clubs and bars close for a few hours before they open again for the morning crowd. So those dipshits have nowhere to go.”

“You worry too much. We've been doing this for a fair few weeks now. Why are you bringing this up all of a sudden.”

“Coz it happens to me all too often. I get cat called but those are easy enough to ignore. Some drunk chick got way too handsy with me the other night and then I started thinking about you. I live in a pretty alright part of the city so if it happens there it happens everywhere. I'd just feel better if you got home safe,” Axel's voice had drifted into a quiet mutter.

Roxas couldn't fault Axel's logic. The worry Axel held for Roxas squeezed his chest tight and made his stomach buzz with pleasure. “Fine,” Roxas grumbled.

“Aww, Roxas. Don’t pout,” Axel pushed a kiss to Roxas’ lips, “If you keep sulking like that you’ll make me think that you miss me, or like being with me, or something.” Axel’s teeth gleamed in the dark.

“These beds are way more comfortable than mine,” Roxas brushed off defensively and slid feet to the floor.

Axel hummed in the back of his throat and watched Roxas get dressed.

They tried to leave earlier. 

Most nights it was alright. But occasionally they got too wrapped up in each other, or the naps would extend a little longer, and by the time one of them woke up it was already very late.

It was a combination of those two reasons why Roxas was out at four in the morning on this particular day. He'd need to be up in an hour to get ready to leave again, so there was probably not even any point in going to sleep when he got home.

Roxas would just fight through the fatigue. Time spent with Axel was heaven, but the morning commute and trying to stay awake at work was hell. Yet he told himself it was worth it. So that was why Roxas kept suffering through it.

He shuffled out of the subway station, groggy and utterly drained. Snow blanketed the sidewalks. The air was dry and biting. Nights always hit their peak cold period between 3am and 4am. It was a truly dismal time to be out and about. 

Roxas wanted to get home as quick as possible. Maybe he _could_ still get half an hour of sleep in if he hurried. He sped through the vastly desolate streets. It was a cloudy night and snow was falling. Always falling. Roxas longed to just skip out on winter and head straight back into summer.

He rubbed his hands together, and blew on them to get some feeling into his fingers as he staunchly forged towards his home. Roxas really needed to invest in some gloves.

He wanted to curl up in bed and be warm. Most of all he wanted to be back in the hotel room with Axel where he could be truly toasty. In the bath. Or just in bed. Fully clothed or na-

Loud silence pierced Roxas’ ears. His head darted side to side in dazed, sleepy bewilderment. 

“Hey! I’ma talkin’ to ya, buddy! Dun go a-walkin’ away from me misser.” It was spoken much too loud in the quiet of the early morning, and all too slurred as well.

Roxas whirled around and stared at a burly guy wrapped up in a gray coat and gray scarf, holding Roxas’ headphones. Roxas’ eyes narrowed dangerously. He grabbed them back. “What!” he barked.

“Dun go takin’ dat tone wif me misser. I’ma afta da subway.”

Roxas pointed. “That way. Good night.” He turned back around and stormed off.

“Dun fuck off ya rude cunt!” 

Roxas’ hoodie was pulled off. He whirled around in outrage. “Leave me the fuck alone! The subway is _that_ way!” he pointed once more down the way he had come.

The drunkard teetered a little and had gone a bit slack jawed. “Shit ya’re a right fuckin’ sight. A right pretty boy, aintcha.”

Roxas ignored him, turned around again and renewed his efforts to get away. His pulse was far from placid. He was becoming unnerved. The drowsiness had definitely melted away.

There came a sharp tug. Roxas stumbled and was dragged backwards. His head hit something hard as he was yanked into an alley he had just passed. Roxas winced and wheezed out the air which had been knocked from him. 

“I said dun fuckin’ fuck off ya fuckn’ cunt.”

“I told you were the station was. Leave me alone!”

“Ya, but I changed me mind. Nights still young, n’ ya... mmm, hell cute. So wadda ya say, misser, hmm? How much ya want for a blowie? I got cash.”

The stench of alcohol was bitter and seeped out of every pore of the sweaty-looking dark-haired man. Roxas’ heart roared to panicked life. His eyes were ablaze with terror. “N-no. Fuck off! I don’t do that.”

“C'mon, don't be a fuckin’ prude. I got money. An’ I bet ya purdy mouf’s seen some cocks in it’s life.” The man leaned in close to Roxas. The stench was unbearable.

Roxas’ face contorted in a grimace. “No, I'm not a -”

“Shut ya goddamn fuckin’ mouf, ya fuckin’ bitch-cunt.” Grubby hand clamped onto Roxas’ jaw, pulling him straight on to look into the despicable man’s face. “I tried payin’ ya. Now ya gonna miss out on da paycheck.” The big revolting hand moved from Roxas’ face to his shoulder. The grip was vice like and it pushed him down towards the ground and the man’s crotch. The man was busy undoing his fly with the other hand. 

“Fuck off!” Roxas blasted with heat as the shock was finally subverted by boiling rage. He pushed back up to his feet and turned to run away. A hand grabbed at his hair though, violently pulling Roxas back. 

The man’s grip did not lessen or abate. Roxas was pulled over backwards. The man’s face materialized before Roxas’ sight as he had Roxas bent over at an awkward angle. Fingernails dug hard into Roxas wrist, bending his arm into an unnatural and very painful position. 

“Ya fuckin’ faggot are gonna suck me off an’ yar gonna fucking like it if ya know what's good fer ya,” the man bellowed and spat.

That hideous face loomed ever larger. It almost looked like he was coming in for a disgusting kiss. Heart raced. Eyes bugged out of head. Roxas slammed his foot down on awful black bootleg sports sneakers.

The man cried out in startled pain. The grip on Roxas’ hair loosened. The grip on his wrist tightened. Rage ticked over. Roxas smashed his head against the asshole’s face.

Pain blinded Roxas momentarily. His ears rang and he felt disoriented. He hit the concrete floor as the painful grip on his wrist finally loosened. His heart pounded. His pulse raced.

Swearing filled the alley.

Roxas took one terrified look at the man's bleeding nose, gathered himself up and fled out of that stinking narrow space, towards his home. All he heard were his own pounding footfalls and the rushing of blood in ears.

The panicked ringing in his head abated by the time he reached his apartment. But Roxas’ heart continued to run a race and he had a killer headache. Ice was applied and Roxas sat awake, staring into his dark apartment pondering what he should do. His work alarm would sound off very shortly. 

He couldn't _not_ go to work. If Roxas wasn't on his usual train Axel would worry. But if Axel saw the bruise which was surely forming on his forehead he would also worry. They weren’t due to meet for their rendezvous for another day. Maybe the bruising wouldn’t be so bad? Maybe it would go away by then? Roxas could only hope.

The bruise was luckily well hidden by hair, and was sitting fairly high on his forehead. Plus the discoloration turned out to not be all that bad. If Roxas could keep Axel from looking too closely he would never know about it. He had also spent significant minutes strategically positioning bangs to cover the site of injury. So Roxas did go to work. He did look up and smiled at Axel during the morning and afternoon commute. But with his hoodie pulled well over his forehead. 

But something which wouldn't go away and which wasn’t easily hidden were the awful claw marks and awful purple bruising on his wrist. It was fine to hide it when Roxas was dressed. But they spent far more time together naked than clothed.

Roxas felt stressed regarding how he would tell Axel. Because he would _have_ to tell Axel. He couldn't just _not_ get naked for the next week or so while he waited for the marks to heal. Right? That would _definitely_ draw suspicion.

So Roxas began thinking. What would Axel’s response be? Would he yell? Would he scream? Would he tell Roxas what a stupid idiot he was? Would he call a 10pm curfew on Roxas and demand he always head home at precisely that time? Would he call off their whole arrangement and find someone else? He didn’t know. But he knew he was going to risk the potential backlash because being _with_ Axel was better than being _without_ him.

The next day he fought through his nerves. During their afternoon commute he tried to look as normal and cheerful as he usually was. He energetically walked along side Axel down streets and side alleys. But the lump in his throat, and heavy weight in his gut grew thicker and heavier. His anxiety swelled and hit its crescendo when they entered their hotel room. 

The closer Axel got to him, the more apprehensive and nervous Roxas became. But he fought it down, trying to concentrate on how Axel’s arms wrapped around and lifted him up. Roxas hooked his legs around Axel’s waist for support, and slung arms around shoulders. He was wedged between Axel and the wall, a position he would have loved were it not for his internal storm.

Nausea sat in the pit of his stomach. His wrist felt inexplicably tender and itchy underneath his sleeve.

He couldn't get into the crazy needy kisses which Axel tried to share with him. He felt too uncomfortable harboring this secret which he knew would be revealed sooner rather than later. There was no way Roxas could have a bath without exposing his wrist. Even if he wore something like a chunky, and currently in fashion brace, it would still garner interest and need for an explanation. 

Because why would he need to wear anything when they bathed together? So he had opted to not hide it at all. Mainly because all the bullshit excuses he had been able to think up had been just that - bullshit and lacking in imagination.

‘ _A door closed on me’_ , ‘ _I got stuck down a well and some nice person pulled me back up_ ’, ‘ _I was practicing knot tying coz I’m into bondage_ ’. That last one might actually work on Axel… but then Roxas would have to contend with Axel probably getting him a ball gag or something. Roxas wasn’t comfortable with that idea.

So he would have to tell Axel the truth, and face the consequence… whatever shape or form that was going to take.

Axel peeled himself off Roxas when he could feel the lack of reciprocity over the kisses and touches he was leaving. Far more gentle kisses were left on cheeks and Axel nuzzled against Roxas’ ear.

“Everything alright?”

Roxas huffed for a while, collecting his thoughts and courage.

“Can you let me down?”

Axel stopped pressing Roxas up against the wall and let him slide back towards solid ground. Roxas took a deep breath, pulled back his sleeve and held his wrist up for Axel to inspect. He couldn't look at Axel. His eyes fixed on the loafers the man wore today. Gentle warmth enveloped his wrist. 

“Oh Roxas,” Axel muttered. 

The pain and hurt in Axel’s voice reverberated and scraped against Roxas’ heart. Fingertips traced the horrible indents and scratches. Axel's hand slid to and clasped Roxas’ palm, drawing it upwards. Delicate kisses were left on knuckles. Pecks trailed down. Soft lips pressed against every awful mark which was found.

A thumb and finger cupped and cradled Roxas’ chin, stroking gently before tilting his head up so they could look at each other. Axel wore a sad frown, as did Roxas.

Axel kissed Roxas’ wrist one more time. “Is - is this the worst that happened?”

Roxas nodded and barely above a whispered said, “Yeah.” His eyes sunk. “I headbutted the guy and ran.”

The hand on Roxas’ chin swept up and traced across his forehead. Bangs were brushed aside and fingertips skidded over the slight lump that had formed. “Way to go Roxas. Looking after yourself like a pro. I always knew you were a little firecracker.” 

Axel’s quiet but incredibly warm words drew Roxas’ eyes back up to see a sad smile on that gorgeous face. Roxas smiled back weakly, sighed and let his head droop again. He felt bad, and he wasn’t sure why. It was like he had disappointed Axel. Which was stupid because what happened to Roxas was in no way his or anyone else's fault, except for that drunken fuckheads. 

A sting grew behind eyes. He swallowed down the rising sea.

Roxas’ hand was released and probing fingertips left his forehead. Roxas felt cold. He felt like this meant the end of something impossibly sacred.

Warm arms folded around Roxas’ shoulders and back. His eyes went wide. He forgot to breathe for a moment as shock overtook him. Firm heat pressed up against him. Axel had stepped forward, closing the little space between them, and enveloped Roxas in a hug.

This had never happened before. They had held each other, they had clung to one another. But always naked. Always in the middle of getting each other off. Never like this.

He listened to the fast paced thumping of Axel’s heart against his ear. Axel nuzzled into Roxas’ hair, pressing firm kisses against his scalp. He felt Axel squeeze him tight and heard the way Axel took a deep inhale, causing chest to swell.

Roxas’ limp arms found their strength and raised. He pushed into Axel’s winter coat and blazer. Arms snaked around Axel’s waist, squeezing back firmly and returning the hug. They stayed like that for a while. Neither talking. Both just breathing and inhaling each other's scent.

Roxas’ flesh pricked with the chill when Axel pulled away. 

“I’ll run us a bath. You order whatever you want, ok?” Axel murmured.

* * *

 

There was no strip show on that day. No teasing or leering. Roxas had sunk into the bath, and Axel had gotten undressed like a normal person; with a decided purpose of just getting naked as quickly as possible and hopping in.

Axel didn’t ask what happened and Roxas didn’t tell. 

Roxas hoped they could move on from this and fall into their normal routine. He tried hard to get Axel to talk about the inane and fun things they usually bantered about. 

“Did you see the new album track listings for the ‘Best of’ compilation?”

“Yeah. I can’t believe they left off ‘Sell Out of Dreams’.”

“I know, right? That is one of their _best_. Kinda feels like a marketing scheme. ‘ _Oh look… you want this song? You’re gonna have to pay extra!’,_ ” Roxas laughed.

Axel gave a good natured shrug of shoulders and a non-committal, _“_ Maybe. _”_

…

“You need to try getting down to the fourth level of the dungeon. If you go there while you're in active battle mode a boss appears.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. He looks really wicked too. All wreathed in flames, cool tatts, hair that stands on end every time he does his special move. But then he’s got these hilarious overalls on, and some of the _best_ dialogue which just stops you from taking him seriously at all.”

“That’s nice. I’ll try and check it out some time,” Axel mumbled.

…

“What you think of the new cooking contestants? Mable seems to have a few screws loose.”

“She’s just being overprotective of her turf.”

“Yeah, maybe. But the way she hammered into Soretti wasn't really appropriate.”

“She just cares too much,” Axel dismissed.

…

A dark cloud hung over their normally delightful time together. It was like all the energy had gone out of Axel. While washing Axel’s face, Roxas could see the way green eyes darted to inspect his forehead, and the way they searched out Roxas’ damaged wrist.

Roxas hated it.

Axel spent a good quarter of an hour tenderly washing Roxas in silence while they had sat together in the bath. Not a single note was hummed or word was sung. There was just silent breathing and the sound of water and bathtub squeaks echoing around the broad cavern of the chilled bathroom.

The mood had been buried ten feet beneath the ground. Light kissing, which Roxas initiated, never turned into anything more. And even when they left the bathtub nothing improved. Their time spent on the bed was innocuous, filled with sparse banter, the consumption of food and the viewing of television. Axel didn’t even laugh as much as he usually did. He chuckled, but never guffawed. 

Roxas felt hypersensitive to the time ticking away. When would Axel order Roxas to leave? Could he argue against it?

“Roxas, can we turn this off?”

“But you _like_ it when they start bickering about what ingredients -”

“Yeah but it’s getting late. We need to go.”

Ten o'clock had apparently hit. He frowned. “Axel, no.”

“Roxas, _yes_. It’s time to go.”

“No. We haven't even _done_ anything yet,” Roxas complained.

Axel sighed. “Well I'm leaving either way. You can stay and get yourself off if you’re gonna be that stubborn.”

Roxas slammed his fist against the mattress. It didn’t stop Axel from moving off the bed to gather his things. 

“Axel! Don't be an ass!” 

Axel rounded back, piercing Roxas with his glare. “Don't call me an ass for wanting you to be safe! You got attacked, coz I kept you out too late. That shit’s on me. If you get raped or assaulted I won't be able to live with myself. Us spending a few more hours together ain’t worth that risk.”

Roxas shrunk back in response to Axel’s ferocity, but he found his courage again. “It’s worth the risk!” he snarled.

“Then you're fucking stupid,” Axel fired back.

Roxas felt upset. His face contorted in that stupid grimace it tended to fold into when tears were almost inevitable. The anger in Axel's eyes diminished at the sight. He scratched at his head before returning to the bed and drawing Roxas into another hug. 

That was two non sexualized hugs in one day. It briefly shocked the tears away. Roxas’ heart pounded hard.

“I worry about you, you dumb cinnabun,” Axel breathed against Roxas’ hair as he knelt, holding Roxas tight.

Roxas’ arms looped around Axel’s waist, drawing himself closer against the furnace of Axel’s body. “I don't want shit like that to get in the way of us having a good time, Axel. I don't want other people to destroy what we're doing. Why do we have to suffer because some shit for brains got too drunk and thought he could get a piece of me? I got fight in me. I don't go down so easily. I can look after myself and you'll never be responsible for anything that happens to me when I leave at night. You're the one who's stupid if you think you're responsible for other people's actions,” Roxas muffled into Axel’s chest, sniffling against his tears.

Axel loosened his firm grip on Roxas and pulled away a little. Roxas rubbed furiously at his face to hide the evidence of his waterworks, before looking up at Axel with defiance. He saw Axel wearing a wide eyed, but ultimately unreadable expression.

“What you looking at me like that for?” Roxas snarled.

Axel shook his head, snapping out of whatever cloud he had been stuck in. “You just reminded me of something my friends always tell me. -It’s not important,” Axel brushed off as Roxas’ mouth opened to inquire further.

Roxas frowned.

Axel deflected, “So what should we do about our situation then?”

“We do everything we normally do. And go home whenever we'd normally go home.”

Axel didn't look appeased. “Brushing it under the carpet ain’t gonna make the problem go away.”

Roxas’ glare softened. “Look, I’m pretty sure that guy was a stupid tourist. You know the spate of incidents always skyrockets around holiday seasons. People like him will eventually go away, leaving us with our normal brand of city crazies. It’ll all settle back down and we won’t have to worry about anything,” Roxas tried to allay Axel’s concerns. 

But Axel still looked disgruntled. Roxas pouted angrily. He was tired of having that foul smelling man come between himself and Axel. So Roxas lifted himself up and pushing against Axel’s lips for a kiss. 

They sucked on each other. Roxas opened his mouth, wanting Axel to take him deeply - but nothing happened. Lips only kept getting sucked on and lightly licked.

Roxas pulled away, frowning. “Axel, kiss me properly.”

“No, I can’t.”

“Why not?”

“It keeps playing on my mind.”

“Don’t let it.”

Axel groaned. “Can you at least tell me what exactly happened? It’ll make me feel better.”

Roxas sighed, “Alright. But only if it’ll get you to kiss me properly.”

Axel nodded vigorously.

“Ok, well… When I was heading home Thursday morning this guy stopped me, asking for directions to the subway. I told him and then he changed his mind and decided to try and pay me for a blowjob.”

“Serious?” Axel looked appalled, and yet an amused smile tugged at his lips.

Roxas nodded. “I told him no, and he tried to force me down but I smacked him and then ran. It’s no big deal,” he shrugged.

“Well it is to me. I’m so fucking glad you’re alright,” Axel breathed out a heavy sigh and rubbed at his head.

“Yeah, I’m glad too, now keep your promise.”

Axel did. He practically flung himself on top of Roxas, pushing them both down against the bed. He thrust into Roxas, like Roxas enjoyed. Hands roamed and undressed each other. Fingers were sucked on and nipples were grazed. Axel took charge and controlled everything. He seemed to have a very specific plan in mind - namely to make Roxas feel amazing.

His tongue ran all over Roxas’ body, causing slews of shivers and giggles to flow out of Roxas. Axel nipped at the inside of Roxas’ elbow, his hot hands kneaded and rubbed Roxas all over. Feather light kisses were left everywhere. It was almost sensual and delicate.

Axel’s mouth eventually lapped against Roxas’ inner thighs, trailing to his sack. Tongue massaged tenderly before running up Roxas’ erection. Axel teased Roxas’ head before he took him completely into his mouth. 

Axel built the tension within Roxas wonderfully. Hot hands always found the coolest spots, resting there for a while before moving on to the next area. Roxas savored the way heat spread and tingled around his entire body wherever Axel’s touch went.

All the while tongue kept massaging Roxas’ head. Axel sucked, and sucked, and deeply swallowed Roxas the whole way down to his base. Vocal chords strummed to give Roxas that extra buzzing pleasure.

Roxas sucked on Axel’s fingers when that hot hand traveled up to cup his face. He began sucking on those digits in the same way Axel was sucking on Roxas. Deep and hard. Both men moaned with pent up need.

The thrill Roxas got from watching Axel was exhilarating. Red mop bobbed up and down, taking Roxas all the way in, before drawing all the way back off. Green smoldering eyes locked onto Roxas, as Axel licked and lapped at him like Roxas was a tasty treat.

Roxas _was_ Axel’s tasty treat. His heart and breath shuddered with that knowledge. His fingers twitched and clenched as his testicles tensed and drew inward. He could feel his shaft filling up. The pressure was exquisite. His head so sensitive to all of Axel’s movements. 

Roxas gently bucked into Axel’s mouth every time Axel took him all the way in. The pressure and speed by which the intensity increased was addictively satisfying. Roxas came, muffling Axel’s name into hot hand until the aftershocks dissipated. Roxas felt like his bones had all gone on a vacation. Nothing was left of him bar a soft pliable mess of skin and muscles. He lay there, breathing heavy - a stupid grin plastered on his face.

Axel’s gorgeous eyes came into focus and a kiss was left on the corner of smiling lips. “Mmm, I’m glad to see you looking so satisfied, _Roxas_.”

Even Roxas’ vocal chords were too relaxed to form any other sound bar an indulgent hum.

Axel pulled the thick duvet over the top of their naked bodies, and for once pulled Roxas face first towards himself as they got ready for sleep. Roxas was too spent to fight against it. He had always felt it safer to have his back to Axel when they slept together. Axel’s face was one of Roxas’ weaknesses after all. But yeah, he couldn't protest. He simply nestled his head against Axel’s chest. He listened to the wild heartbeat underneath him. 

Roxas’ fingers traced down Axel’s chest, towards his groin. He had to give Axel a handjob. It was only fair. But Axel’s hand dove down. He pulled Roxas’ hand back up and against his face. Axel kissed Roxas’ palm, and trailed kisses down to the awful bruise.

“Let me get you off, Axel.” Spent satisfaction still tainting his voice.

“Mm, don’t worry about me, Roxas. Let’s just get some sleep.”

“But -”

A kiss silenced Roxas. He nestled his head back down against his warm and very alive pillow. The gratifying cloud enveloped Roxas and pulled him down into slumber.

* * *

 

Roxas drifted towards consciousness. A wonderful warmth was pressed against his back, as well as slung around his chest and legs. He sighed in contentment.

Fingers twitched and fluttered against Roxas’ skin, caressing and igniting Roxas’ body with happiness. Light laughter burbled out of him.

“Good morning, Roxas,” Axel’s husky sleep laden voice rumbled next to his ear and reverberated through Roxas’ chest.

“Morning, Axel,” Roxas’ sleep addled mind muffled in response. Eyes drifted open. Sleep fell away. His eyes blinked against the brightness of the room.

He tore himself off the mattress. Axel’s limbs and heat slipped away regrettably as Roxas sat up. His gaze swept across their small hotel room and down to Axel, who stretched and yawned. 

“Wha- But -Hang on. - _What?_ Morning? We slept through the whole night?”

“Mm-hmm. I did wake up at like two but you looked too peaceful so I let you sleep,” Axel muffled through a yawn. “You’ve got such an angel face when you’re out cold,” Axel gave a lazy wink and a broad smile. He reached up and cupped Roxas’ face, stroking him.

Roxas could feel the embarrassed heat spreading up his neck towards his cheeks. They had… slept together... _all_ night? Roxas’ heart spluttered to life.

“You should’ve woken me up,” Roxas berated, and batted Axel's hand off him.

Axel whined. “It’s too early to be using that tone, Roxas.”

“Too early?” Roxas’ eyes found the clock. It read 8:13am. Roxas felt even hotter.

Axel pulled him back down towards the rumpled sheets and ultimately his chest. “Yeah, too early. I never get up before midday on a Saturday. Now let's go back to sleep.” Fingers sunk into Roxas’ hairline, and rubbed lightly.

“No I-.” Roxas flipped onto his back and propped himself up on elbows, casting an eye towards the door.

“You got anywhere to be? Anyone to meet?” Axel’s voice sounded a bit strained. Whether it was from sleep or something else Roxas couldn’t tell. “You got… ,” Axel gave another hefty yawn, “work?”

“No,” Roxas mumbled.

“Then just chill out, ok? Unless you really wanna get going. But I thought since apparently both of us don’t work today we could just have a lay in. 

“I love how you just assume. What if I _did_ have work today?” Roxas chastised, albeit playfully.

“Then I’d have learned a very important lesson today. But lucky for me I didn’t have to learn anything.” Axel grinned lazily. “So whaddaya say? Stay with me?”

Roxas’ insides squeezed. If only Axel knew...

“We’ll grab some breakfast or I can order us something to eat in bed if you want. We can have a warm shower and maybe something a little more… ,” Axel pulled Roxas close and kissed the corner of his mouth, “intimate - and then we can be off, doing all the boring and normal things that need to be done over the weekend.”

What an incredible way to wake up in the morning. What an awesome surprise! A pleasant chill ran down Roxas’ spine at hearing Axel talk like this.

Axel had suggested they stay together. It would be fine if Roxas accepted, right? Roxas wouldn’t seem clingy or needy if he accepted, yeah? God, he _really_ wanted to accept. Nothing sounded better or seemed more enticing than spending as much time as possible with Axel. 

Roxas’ anxiety melted at the sight of Axel’s sleepy smile - so soft and content. Axel was so cute. 

Roxas smiled back at him with ease. “Alright.”

Axel’s eyes squeezed shut with joy and Roxas was once more pulled down on top of Axel’s chest. Blankets were pulled well over Roxas’ shoulders and their lips sought out one another.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song for this chapter... and truly the whole fic in general is [Still in my Heart](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kR0d0qAM8NU) by Dustin Tebbutt. It was the theme song in my head for a long while :)


	14. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas wonders what Christmas with Axel will be like.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This wasn't _planned_ to coincide with Christmas... but it did. So that's kind of cool. My Christmas gift to you all. Have a great couple of days off. Stay warm, or cool, wherever in the world you are, and please enjoy :)

After the initial sleep-in this too became a part of their ritual. Roxas wasn’t sure if this arrangement would last beyond the holiday season, but it wasn’t worth thinking about. He focused on what _was_ happening, instead of fretting about the uncertain future. 

It was incredibly nice not to be left to go home alone in the cold hours of the night. It was incredibly nice to be safely nestled under blankets, with something much more effective than a measly hot water bottle to keep the chill away. Another benefit was that both of them got a lot more restful sleep, and mornings were the icing on the cake.

Warm kisses awoke Roxas, and were returned. Hasty and not always lust driven showers were had. Breakfasts were grabbed on the way out, and morning subway commutes were spent standing deliciously pressed together when the throng became too great. Roxas loved when the train jolted, forcing them closer together. It felt like the perfect excuses to hold on to each other. It was an adequate disguise for Roxas to nuzzle and bury his face into Axel's chest for fleeting moments. And sometimes Axel’s fingers would hook onto Roxas’ belt and pull him closer too.

Roxas would have been lying if he said he wasn’t counting. He was. Counting the days, the weeks, the months. Already half a year had elapsed since Roxas’ birthday. Almost half a year since stapled notes to shoes, and that nauseating walk down the alley to Roxas’ first ever love hotel. Time had flown by. Roxas’ opinions and feelings had drastically changed. 

But… had Axel’s? Roxas didn’t know. But what he _did_ know was that he still wanted _more_. Some days this made him feel disgustingly greedy. After all, what more could he want or need? He had company. He had an amazing outlet for his sexual desires. So why did he _want more_? 

Why did he want to spend all his available time with Axel? Why did he wish the nights would never end when they were together? Why did the days when he wasn’t with Axel feel like an eternity completely comprised of lonely boredom and agony?

Roxas knew why. It was a serrated blade digging and twisting into his chest every time he thought of the word. Which is precisely why he never thought of it. They were just casual, after all. This was nothing. Axel was just making sure Roxas was alright. That’s why they slept together most nights when they were together. Axel was just clearing himself of guilt and responsibility. It meant nothing. It was just a bit of fun.

Those words knotted and choked him most of the time when he thought about his situation. So once again Roxas tried to _not_ think or dwell on these things. He told himself to - _‘Just enjoy your time together. Don’t expect things. Don’t want things. Because this will end. Axel will grow bored of you eventually. It’s just a matter of time.’_ It wasan attempt to sooth himself.

But those thoughts ended up having the opposite effect. They caused Roxas a lot of pain. So he also stopped thinking about that as well. It seemed like he was in a no-win situation. But that's how the days and weeks passed; desperately trying to avoid thinking. Filling in his spare time with his hobbies, talking to his brother, going to work, spending time with Axel. And most importantly - Not. Thinking. 

In the blink of an eye the holiday season had well and truly arrived at Radiant Gardens. Where before there had been an almost inconceivably minute decrease in inhabitants, there was a notable exodus now. The rest of the people in the city that _had_ stayed almost completely cleared out overnight. Train commutes were suddenly empty. There was ample space. Even with the slew of tourists which had moved in with their festive cheer and rowdy behavior.

Axel became antsy, insisting they stay in the hotel rooms every single time, not even feeling confident to let Roxas go at a _‘safe’_ time, like 10pm. Not that Roxas was bothered by it. Not in the least. He still put up a _tiny_ fight once in a while though, just to keep some sort of a disgruntled pretense up. He wouldn’t want Axel to think that he actually loved spending time with him. Roxas didn’t want to give the impression that this was the best thing in his life; the thing he looked forward to most in his entire existence. 

So while the city around them changed, their own routine didn’t. Hotels, bathrooms, screwing and sleeping all remained the same. But Roxas grew anxious. After all - it was Christmas very soon. Christmas meant family time. Not for Roxas mind you. He refused to go home. Claiming once again that he just _couldn’t_ get away. But where before it was for fear of being a disappointment to his family, it was now out of want to be near his radiating heater. 

Winter was so much better with Axel’s body pressed up beside him. His shitty apartment felt even more dismal and cold now, though. That was one downside of having Axel feature more prominently in Roxas’ life. But that was one negative out of a bazillion positives.

So Roxas let it go and he stayed put for the holiday season. He was worried and simultaneously intrigued what Christmas with Axel might be like, and ultimately what it might _mean_. Because it would surely have to _mean_ something for two guys like themselves to spend such a private and personal holiday together, right? 

That's what Roxas told himself. He hoped his imagination wasn't running away with his common sense again. But he couldn't do much else besides imagine and fantasize, because they didn’t speak of it. They made no plans, had no discussions.

The days were counting down. And the closer Christmas loomed the further it seemed to distance itself from any conversation. But they couldn't avoid speaking about it forever. It was getting _very_ close. And despite neither of them saying a word about it, Roxas knew that they were definitely going to be spending it together. Christmas Eve, after all, fell on a Friday this year… which meant a Saturday sleep in, and waking up with Axel on Christmas Day. It made Roxas feel sick with anticipation and joy.

The one person Roxas had a hard time _not_ talking about Christmas with however was Ventus -

“ _Rox, why aren’t you coming home? Mom keeps nagging my ear off about it.”_

“Sorry. I just can’t. I didn’t schedule my leave in time with work, and everyone else will be gone, so I gotta skeleton crew the office. You remember what happened last time I was gone, right? It’s probably for the best I stay anyway. Sheesh,” Roxas blew off once, when he spoke with his sibling.

“ _Hmm… sure sure. Say, what’s ‘Axel’ doing for Christmas? Huh?”_ Ventus had sing-songed.

Of course he knew that Roxas was only staying in Radiant Gardens because he wanted to be with Axel. “I-I don’t know. Nothing… probably?”

“ _Just screwing you, huh?_ ” Ventus laughed.

“Shut up, it’s not like that,” Roxas vehemently defended.

_“Why do you keep denying it?”_

“I’m not denying that we get each other off. You know how we screw.”

_“Yeah, I do, sadly enough.”_

“Don’t play the victim. You’re the one who asks, doofus. And drop the bullshit act about _only_ Liss wanting to know.”

Ventus laughed, “ _I’m only asking because I want you to finally admit that you have a boyfriend._ ”

Oh how that word made an indescribably wave of pleasure roll through Roxas. But it simultaneously left piercing stabs in its wake as well.“I don’t, Ven. He’s not - we’re not -. There is _nothing_ going on between us. We just… like spending time together.” Some days Roxas didn’t even know how he was managing to tightly hold onto that thought.

 _“Suuuuuuure, Roxas. Anything you say, Roxas. You better watch out though.”_ The sarcasm was rife.

“For what?”

 _“All that sleeping together and cuddling might make you guys fall for each other. Wouldn't that be awful. I wouldn’t want something ‘special’ or ‘romantic’ to happen to you during Christmas. So just watch out, ok?_ ” Ventus teased mercilessly.

Ventus’ words made Roxas feel miserable. Roxas _wanted_ it to be like that. But even if it wasn’t super romantic and Axel didn’t fall for him, at least Roxas would still be spending time with Axel on Christmas. That was still special and exciting. That was the best present Roxas could think of ever getting.

And then the panic inducing thought hit him. 

_Presents!_

Would Axel give Roxas anything? Should Roxas give Axel anything? Would it be overstepping some sort of a boundary? Would it go too far? Would it be a mortal wound to their ‘ _casual_ ’ affair? What kind of a gift was too much? What said, ' _Hey I like you, but not in ‘that’ way_ '? Did Roxas even want to give that message? What if Roxas wanted to say, ' _Hey I really like you, in exactly ‘that’ way_ '? 

What would be too personal? Should he maybe just give Axel a card? A card with his phone number and home address inside of it and a cheeky ' _Feel free to 'come' over any time_ ', because Roxas knew Axel would definitely come visit him at a very inappropriate time of night if Roxas wrote that message.

Or maybe Roxas should get him a voucher for an online music store. Or a voucher for a shoe store… because that would be funny.

Or maybe Roxas should get him nothing because he didn't see why... ' _fuck-buddies_ ' - he swallowed that word down like bitter medicine - would ever get each other anything. But fuck-buddies would surely not be hanging out together during Christmas either, right?

Roxas groaned at those thoughts. He never knew where to go with it and only ever ended up with throbbing temples. 

Maybe Roxas could offer to pay for the room on Christmas Eve? Even tell Axel he could choose whatever room he wanted? No matter how abnormal it was? Yeah… Roxas decided that was probably the best and most appropriate course of action in the end. One that didn't stray from their weird normal. 

Having come to that decision Roxas was able to sleep a little easier.

When the Monday of Christmas week arrived Roxas was greeted by an incredible sight. Axel, for once, seemed to embrace the holiday cheer. Roxas had learned that Axel bemoaned the festive season. He shunned all the seasonal movies. He complained about the jingles, and seemed to snarl at any mention of ' _Merry Christmas_ ’. Yeah, Axel was a man after Roxas’ own heart in that regard. Roxas didn’t care for all the cheer either.

So given what Roxas had pieced together about Axel and his disdain for Christmas, it was rather strange to witness what he saw that Monday afternoon. Axel boarded the train wearing ridiculous elf shoes. The sight had caused Roxas to choke on his own spit.

Roxas tried his hardest not to laugh as Axel stood in front of him. But he was failing miserably. Axel’s only reaction was to wear a massive grin. It was one full of confidence; like he truly didn’t care what anyone thought of him as long as it brought a smile to Roxas’ face. Axel was so sweet. 

Axel’s attractive self confidence aside, Roxas just kept on laughing as he took in the sight of him. A grown man - in business attire - wearing awful clashing elf shoes. Axel never stopped smiling, but he did seem a bit fidgety as he swayed with the train. One hand cast deep in his pocket instead of both hands out, like they usually were, hanging onto the railing above and clutching the pole to the side.

But Roxas didn’t think much of it. He was having too much fun taking in the complete picture that Axel presented.

The sound was mostly drowned out by the noise of the train, and then later on by the city itself, as Roxas followed Axel out of the subway. But it was unmistakable - Axel jingled everywhere he went.

Roxas was _still_ laughing about the absurd shoes as they made their way through the streets. The tinkling bells only made the whole situation even more comical. Axel just continued to smile. He whistled as he went, not minding the looks he got from other passers by. And just as Roxas thought his laughter was dying down it rallied with great strength when they entered the quiet of the hotel lobby. Roxas sniggered and Axel hummed as they rode the elevator up. Laughter only subsided once Roxas saw the inside of their hotel room. 

A deep groan of irritation welled up.

Tinsel was pinned around door-frames. Fairy lights hung in windows. Faint Christmas music wafted through the air. An... _Igloo_ stood in the middle of the room with presumably a bed inside. There was also fake snow and a kitschy Christmas tree.

Roxas rolled his eyes.

“Hey, I don’t like it either, ok? But they’re all like this, or some variation thereof. We’ll just have to suffer through this together,” Axel attempted to defend himself.

Roxas’ irritation with the decor faded when he felt Axel press up against his back. Roxas turned around and looked up at Axel with a wicked smile. “Hmm… Maybe we won’t have to suffer too much. I know how good we are at distracting each other.”

Axel caressed Roxas’ lips with his thumb and smiled softly. “Sweet,” was the breathy sound that left his throat.

Roxas didn't know if Axel referred to his statement or to his own person. It truly didn't even matter any longer. It was all enjoyable. Roxas caught Axel’s thumb and gave a gentle suck. He slung an arm behind Axel's neck, and pulled him down into a kiss. Roxas felt forever warm arms encompass and lift him up. He wrapped legs around Axel's waist for support and was carried over to the fake ice hut. 

Bells jingled. Roxas broke their deep kiss so he could get the laugh out.

“Yeah, ok. I should probably take the shoes off, or I'll never get you all hot and sweaty,” Axel conceded, giggling along with Roxas.

“Yeah, I think that’d be for the best. Why’d you buy them anyway? I thought you hated all this festive gimmicky shit.”

“Oh I do. But you know me, I like being ridiculous,” Axel grinned and planted a kiss on Roxas’ forehead as he ducked under the Igloo’s arched entryway.

“That you do. And you do it so well,” Roxas hummed.

“Thank you,” Axel spoke in glee and dumped Roxas on the mattress within.

“It's so dark,” Roxas observed.

“Yeah. No fun if I can't see you turning all red,” came the matter-of-fact stated.

“Hey!”

Axel sniggered and left a kiss on Roxas’ cheek as he wandered off again. “Be right back, sweet cheeks.”

“ _Sweet cheeks?_ ” Roxas arched against that with great offence. “You're lucky I can't see shit or you'd get a pounding for that.”

Axel’s laugh reverberated and moved out into the wider room beyond. Bells tinkled.

“ _A pounding, huh? Sounds like something I’d be into_ ,” Axel’s voice muffled slightly through the presumably styrofoam or fiberglass building materials of the Igloo.

Roxas lay back on the soft mattress, staring into darkness. He could quite easily imagine the smug smirk on Axel’s face. “Not that kind of _pounding_ , you goof,” Roxas retorted with a smile on his face and in his voice.

“ _Shame_.”

The smile fell away rather quickly though. Roxas’ anxiety had sparked and flared ever since Axel had stood in front of him on the train journey. The laughing had been a good distraction but it hit him all too hard now. He didn’t know what was wrong but something felt a little strange today.

Axel seemed… _off_ somehow. His smiles seemed a little forced. He kept rubbing at the side of his head more than usual, and he had been fiddling with something in his pocket ever since he stepped onto the train earlier that late afternoon.

The bells stopped tinkling and Roxas could hear Axel shuffling around outside.

“What're you doing?” Roxas queried.

“ _Looking for the switch_ ,” came the voice from without.

“What sw- ohhhh…” Roxas gaped in wonderment and sat up. Beautiful soft lights came on inside the Igloo. Roxas’ surroundings were basked in a warm glow, reminiscent of candlelight. Little lights twinkled above Roxas’ head, like stars.

“ _Did that do anything?_ ”

“Yeah,” Roxas breathed, eyes transfixed to the low ceiling.

“Ooo, this _is_ nice,” Axel's voice rumbled as he stooped down and re-entered. He scooched close to Roxas, having to duck because he was too tall for this tiny fake cave. Even Roxas had to stoop a little, and he was quite vertically challenged. The Igloo was that snug.

Both men looked up and all around themselves for a little while before their eyes settled on one another. They shared soft smiles. But Roxas’ heart leapt to his throat. His stomach flipped. This was too romantic. It was everything Ventus had teased him about. Roxas pulled an involuntary grimace with how nauseous he suddenly felt. He chased it away and composed himself abruptly.

Axel shifted beside him, “Ahh… I didn't mean for it to be like this.” 

“Like what? So Christmas-y?”

“Well yeah that. But also… ah.” Axel rubbed at his head.

Roxas grew uncomfortable that Axel seemed so uncomfortable. “Is everything alright, Axel? You’ve… been a bit… well weirder than usual. And not in the good way either.”

Axel’s eyes fluttered, looking somewhat startled. “Ah… look… I was planning to have today be a _little_ bit special-”

“Special?” Roxas gulped, his heart suddenly started an Olympic race.

“B-but it’s not supposed to be a big deal. This wasn’t supposed to be a big deal,” Axel spoke rather hastily. His hand was back in his coat pocket, fiddling.

“W-what’s wrong? What’s going on?” Roxas felt on the verge of having a freak out if Axel didn’t come clean. 

“Nothing’s wrong. Look - here,” Axel wrestled with getting something out of his coat pocket. He grumbled and grunted, lifting himself a little to get whatever he was fishing for out of its confinement. Once he had managed to unsnag it from his coat pocket Axel practically thrust a small red and flat box out in front of Roxas. The aggravation on Axel’s face from his battle with his coat melted in an instance as he laid eyes on Roxas. 

Axel’s Adam’s apple bobbed. He cleared his throat and plastered on a brilliant smile, seemingly trying to regain his composure. 

Was Axel nervous? No… Axel wasn’t someone who got nervous. He was smooth and confident in everything he did.

“It’s not a big deal ok. It wasn’t supposed to be. I just feel like with this crazy and completely _not_ planned mood lighting… well I don't want you to get any wrong impressions here.”

His heart beat too fast. A lead weight dropped into Roxas’ stomach, pulling it all the way down to the bottom of his body. 

_Wrong impression._ What if Roxas was getting all the _right_ impressions though?

“Wh-what is -”

“D-don’t think this is a proposal of some sort,” Axel spoke, almost tripping on his own words. He scratched at the side of his head with his free hand. He looking at everything other than Roxas sitting next to him. “It’s not, ok? Don’t think that I’d do something stupid like ask you… Oh… I don’t know… ,” slim shoulders shrugged haphazardly and eyes darted, “something ridiculous like if you wanna be my boyfriend or something like that. I mean, that’s complete nonsense, right?” Axel laughed like the idea of ever being anything more than whatever it was they were right now, was the most complete crackpot notion in existence. 

_Boyfriend_. Roxas’ innards twisted too much at that word leaving Axel’s mouth. He could hardly swallow. His lungs felt like they had collapsed. That loud and obnoxious barking laugh was like a slap to the face.

Something biting tugged at the corners of Roxas’ mouth. Lips wanted to turn down into a frown, but he fought against it. Instead he gave a slight nod, and muttered, “Yeah, totally.” He tacked on a dismissive laugh at the end.

The air between them was thick with awkwardness and uncomfortable heat.

Axel continued, eyes skidding and flicking on and off Roxas. “Yeah, good. It’s completely not what either of us wants. So I’m sorry if this feels like I was going for something like that. It’s totally not my intention, ok? This isn’t a big deal.”

Roxas managed to dredge up a louder and sharper laugh from somewhere inside himself. “Yeah, don’t worry about it. I mean… it be really stupid if we were boyfriends. You’re annoying enough as is. Imagine if I had to live with you or put up with you on a daily basis.” He laughed again. But it hurt. “I’d probably end up murdering you or something. You’re not worth going to jail for.”

Axel’s face scrunched up. His shoulders slouched a little. “You’d never murder me. Not even if you could get away with it,” Axel jeered.

“Don’t be so sure of yourself,” Roxas elbowed Axel playfully.

“Nah, I’m a hundred percent sure. You secretly love having me around.”

A pleasant shiver rolled through Roxas. “No, I swear, you’re only alive because I don’t wanna go to prison.”

“Well I don’t want to see you go to prison either. A cinnamon roll like you would never survive.”

“Oh please, I’d become a kingpin. That’s what I’m scared of. All that responsibility, and having to manage my posse and keeping track of who owes me what shit? I’m much too lazy for that,” Roxas waved off with a grin.

Axel barked with laughter, and Roxas shook with his own. But Roxas became painfully aware of Axel still holding out the box. It was gently nudged towards him.

The mood fell away again, as did their smiles.

Roxas’ eyes cast onto the box of red, and drifted back up to Axel with uncertainty. Axel plastered another smile on his face, but it never reached his eyes. He seemed nervous again.

Roxas took the box gingerly. It felt light. The outside of it satin and smooth. “So… what’s the point of this then?” Roxas could feel his jugular pulsating rampantly.

“Well it’s not like it’s an anniversary present or something. It’s just nearly Christmas, so… ,” Axel rubbed at the side of his head once more. 

_Oh shit_.

Roxas’ mind went completely blank. The only thing he was able to do was to keep staring at the box. Breathing was so hard. He was desperate to swallow the lump in his throat. He worked hard at keeping his hands from trembling, but his whole body felt like it was shaking, regardless of how steady he held onto the box.

Roxas’ eyes drifted back up to Axel, giving him a forlorn stare.

“The box isn’t the actual present, ya know,” came an anxious laugh. 

Roxas’ eyes fell back onto the box - The present - Axel had gotten him a fucking _present_? What the fuck! 

Green eyes looked down at the object in Roxas’ hands, pointedly. “You gonna keep staring, or will you ever open it?” Axel pushed, tapping his fingers on the mattress in agitation.

If this was _nothing_ then why was Axel so fidgety?

This moment was too much. Axel had given him something. For Christmas… and maybe even for _something else_? _Fuck_. This wasn’t a big deal. ‘ _No big deal. No. Big. Deal, Roxas. Calm the fuck back down,_ ’ he shouted at himself.

“Hello? Earth to Roxas?”

Roxas startled out of his stupor and blinked. “Oh - ah- right… sorry… .”

Axel exhaled an amused huff and ruffled blonde hair, causing Roxas to smile a little. The touch brought him out of whatever shocked numbness he had fallen into. He took a deep breath and finally lifted the lid on the box.

“Again, it’s no big deal,” Axel insisted with urgency.

“I heard you the first four times,” Roxas muttered as he picked up the pair of red fingerless gloves from within the container. As he examined them closely he saw that they were actually mittens, but with flap covers. The little buttons that kept the flaps in place were in the shape of stylized flames, and the same stylized flames were embroidered on the back of the mitten covers as well. 

Roxas thumbed over the embellishment and fabric. It was incredibly soft. Like Axel’s hair. The mittens even looked to be the exact same shade as his hair. But it was a bit hard to tell in this low light.

Axel’s voice gently filled the Igloo, “You wrap yourself up like a cozy marshmallow, except for your hands. I just… thought you could use these… And… ah - I wanted to get you ones with covers so… you could still use your phone...”

 _Oh God. How thoughtful. How fucking sweet of him!_ Roxas didn’t know what he was feeling. He wanted to laugh. He wanted to cry. He slipped the gloves on instead. Roxas wiggled his fingers and unbuttoned the flaps, pulling the covers over and encasing his hands completely in the warm and fluffy fabric. A smile grew on his face. “You really shouldn’t have, Axel.”

“You don’t like them?”

“No, I… I do. Really. Thanks,” Roxas tried to give his brightest smile. He tried to swallow down the emotion which was beginning to well up inside.

Axel sighed, sounding relieved. “I’m glad. I -I can’t have you freezing to death... when I’m gone… ,” Axel muttered softly.

Roxas choked a bit in startled shock. “What?” he squeaked out, looking wide eyed at Axel. “You’re _leaving_?” It felt like a kick to the stomach. Like a shard of ice piercing Roxas’ gut.

Axel chuckled softly. “Whaddaya giving me that look for? You scared I’m gonna leave you forever or something?”

“ _No!_ I don’t care… but… aren’t you?” came the choke.

Axel seemed to be biting down a huge grin. The asshole looked like he was finding this immensely amusing. Roxas glared. Axel’s grin broke free and a cheerfully high pitched, “No,” resonated around their little cave.

The ice in Roxas’ stomach melted. Relief washed over him. “Then why the fuck say it like that?” Roxas punched Axel in the arm.

Axel laughed loud and rubbed at his injury. “I just wanted to test to see if you care for me.”

“Well I don’t, you asshole.” Roxas wore a sour expression. 

“You sure?” Axel sing-songed and waggled his eyebrows.

Roxas frowned. His heart was beating too fast. He was going to ruin everything if he didn’t dial it back a bit. So he breathed out the tension and relaxed. “Yeah, I’m sure. But… where’re you going?”

Axel chuckled. He rubbed Roxas’ head once more, but the light in his voice faded as he began speaking again, “I’ve gotta go back home and spend time with my folks. I managed to get out of it last year but this year - eh -,” Axel shrugged his shoulders, casting eyes to the side, “I’d rather stay here and go to work then go back home, to be honest with you. But… duty calls.”

Axel’s explanation seemed valid and believable enough. Axel wasn’t leaving forever. Axel wasn’t leaving _him_. Roxas breathed deeply. This was only for the interim. Thank fuck! He was overcome as the emotions inside finally slammed into, and drowned him. Roxas buried his face in his mittened palms to hide himself away.

A warm hand rubbed Roxas’ back. “There, there Roxas. I know it's terrible news. But I won't be gone forever. There's no need to cry,” Axel chuckled with affection in his voice.

Roxas shook his head. Axel had gotten him something. Axel had _thought_ of him. Axel was leaving him alone for a while. Axel had been acting all weird, and now _Roxas_ was acting all weird. He swallowed down the tears and wiped them away against soft fabric. He hoped and prayed that he would be able to get the next words out with as much indifference as he possibly could muster, “Don’t be ridiculous. I’m not crying, asshole,” he muffled into his hands. “I’ve managed all my life without you. I’ll be fine for a few days.”

“Ah - it’ll probably be a couple of weeks actually.”

Roxas’ stomach clenched. “Whatever. I don’t need you anyway.”

“Oh - well that’s a relief. I was worried you’d be all heartbroken,” Axel said, sounding slightly amused.

Roxas pulled his head out of its hiding spot and gave Axel a firm roll of his eyes and clicked his tongue. “ _As if_ I’d miss your stupid face. It’s gonna be nice to get a break from you,” Roxas grinned, despite his heart feeling heavy.

Axel put on a wounded expression and threw himself backwards onto the bed. “Geez, way to break _my_ heart instead, kiddo. Guess that’s what I get for being nice and thoughtful for once in my life.”

“I hope you didn’t break your head too much with all this thoughtfulness and kindness,” Roxas jeered.

“Well it did take quite some time for me to find a pair of mittens for you that I really liked -”

Roxas’ eyes went wide. Hasty words tumbled out, “You shouldn’t have gone to the trouble!”

A red eyebrow cocked up. “Oh… so you really _don’t_ like them?”

“What? No, I do really, _really_ like them,” Roxas insisted, looking at his covered hands. He’d even go so far as to say he _loved_ them.

“Well then it was completely worth it and no trouble at all.” Axel threw out a self assured grin to put Roxas at ease.

Roxas’ heart thumped. “I’ve… always been meaning to buy myself some but… just never found the time. Thank you so much, Axel! I really, _really_ appreciate this.” Roxas felt tears tickling the back of his eyes. “I’ll definitely stay warm with these while you’re gone,” he mumbled.

“Good.”

Axel pulled Roxas on top of himself. Roxas nestled against Axel’s chest, fixing his gaze on his covered hands. He didn’t know why, but he was completely embarrassed. He felt queasy with how overwhelming everything felt. His eyes still stung. Had Axel - Had he really... Christmas Eve would be -

“Roxas, you ok?” 

A finger landed under his chin, steering Roxas’ face up to look at Axel. 

“If you don’t like them you can just tell me.”

“No! Stop worrying. I love them, Axel. I… ,” his eyes cast away again. “I’m fine. Really. Um… when are you leaving?” he deflected.

“Tomorrow.”

His eyes flew upon Axel’s. Roxas sat up, straddling Axel's lap and slightly knocking against the roof of the Igloo with his head. But Roxas didn’t even flinch. He was too shocked. “What? Seriously?”

“Yeah. -You _sure_ you’re not gonna miss me?” Axel teased, unfurling a delicate smile.

“Of course I’m not gonna miss you,” Roxas denied. He was starting to feel too hot for all the wrong reasons. “I’ve got stuff to do over Christmas you know. Video games to beat, the ‘ _Work Fortress’_ to man and defend from bugs and viruses. All the important things in life.”

“You got anyone to be with over the Christmas period?” 

The question came out sounding very cautious. It made Roxas’ heart beat wildly. Why would Axel care?

Roxas shook his head. 

“No one... special? No family?” Axel continued, with gentle curiosity.

“No, no one. My family all live out of town. But it’s fine. I prefer to not see them anyway. Too much prying into my personal life. Too much judgement. You know how it gets, yeah?”

“Oh yeah, definitely,” Axel laughed. “Wish I had the luxury of a choice though.”

“I’m sorry.”

“You got nothing to be sorry for,” Axel smiled encouragingly, his hands roving over Roxas’ thighs.

“Yeah, well I’m still sorry you have to put up with shit people on a shit holiday. I’ll think of you while I’m living it up, enjoying my freedom.”

“Ah… so you really _won't_ miss me on account of having so much fun,” Axel smiled weakly. 

“Yup. I told you I’ll be fine, and I mean it,” Roxas pressed, trying to sound as confident as possible.

“So why did you look at me like that when I broke the news to you about leaving?”

Roxas’ forced smile fell. He gulped. “I wasn’t looking like anything.”

“Yeah you were. And you’re _still_ looking at me like that.”

“Looking at you like what?”

“Like me not being in your life is one of the worst things that could happen to you.”

 _Fuck_.

Roxas gave a brash barking laugh, trying to dismiss Axel’s _‘how-did-he-get-that-so-right_ ’ words, as being a completely false assumption. “Oh please. That's totally not it,” Roxas denied vehemently.

“Then what?”

 _Shit_. 

Roxas needed to come up with something, _stat_! “… Well -it's just that… I- eh - I haven’t gotten _you_ anything. I feel terrible. You spring this totally awesome and appreciated gift on me. But if you’re leaving tomorrow… well I won’t get a chance to give you anything. And that’s a pretty shit situation for you to put me in.”

“Oh.”

Did Axel look disappointed or was Roxas imagining it?

“You don’t have to get me anything,” Axel asserted.

“No, I do,” Roxas insisted emphatically.

“You _don’t_.”

“I do.”

Both men frowned at each other.

“Is there anything I could - Anything you -,” Roxas’ mouth squeezed shut with discomfort. _Of course_ there was something Axel wanted. But Roxas wasn’t ready to give it just yet. But… if Axel asked it… maybe… 

Axel sat up suddenly, watching his head as he did so. Roxas leaned back to get out of the way before Axel headbutted him.

Stern green eyes trained on Roxas. “No Roxas. Don’t even think about that. I don’t want you to give me anything because you feel you have to.”

Roxas’ insides relaxed a little. But he still felt guilty. “Can you just tell me something you might want and then I can decide if I want to give it to you or not? Because I want to give you _something._ It’s only fair.”

“It’s Christmas. Christmas isn’t about stuff being _fair_. It’s about the giving spirit.”

“And I want to _give_ you something, so help me out here.” Roxas wore his stubborn face. The one Axel should know not to mess with.

“Ro-”

 _“Axel,”_ he said with a sharp bark.

Axel sighed. His mouth formed into a contemplative thin line, and spoke a few moments later, “Well if you’re _really_ keen… I’d like to take you to an actual themed room and… get a bit freaky with you.”

An indescribable feeling hit Roxas in the gut. “W-what do you mean by ‘ _actual’_?”

“Well the ones we’ve been to have been a bit tame.”

Roxas coughed and tried to swallow against his thick saliva. His insides churned.

“But you don’t have to. It’s just one of my fantasies,” Axel brushed off.

“W-what kind of a room do you have in mind?”

Axel leaned forward and his smile grew as he spoke, “Ah… well nothing _too_ weird. Either an office space, coz I dream of doing you at work,” he rumbled, wetting lips.

Roxas’ stomach fluttered. His chest heaved and his heart thumped. “Or?” Roxas queried, sounding a bit hoarse.

“Or… ,” Axel’s voice dropped even further. He leaned in towards Roxas’ ear. “I’d like to do you in a train themed room.”

The air squeezed out of his lungs. That timbre pierced Roxas’ core and seeped straight down into his groin. 

Axel nibbled on Roxas’ earlobe for a moment before he pulled away. “But again, you don’t need to give me anything. I gave you these mittens because I wanted to. I want you to do things with me because you _want_ to. Not out of obligation. You don’t owe me shit, Roxas. Never have and never will.”

“Do… we have to do this _right_ _now_?” Roxas’ body buzzed with anxiety.

“No, of course not. If you wanted to we could. But you can think about it and tell me later. I know I’ve totally sprung this on you. To be fair my folks sprung the whole ‘ _Get ya butt back home_ ’ thing on me too.”

A finger stroked Roxas’ cheek, calming him a little. Roxas exhaled and leaned into Axel’s touch. Roxas felt giddy. This request was a little bit _too_ big for Roxas to make an on the spot decision over. Roxas appreciated Axel giving him the time to process it. 

He laid his own hands on Axel’s face. Seeing the red of his mittens matching the red of Axel’s hair made him smile. He leaned in and kissed Axel. They nipped at each other. Tongue licked lips and pushed in further. Axel leaned back and pulled Roxas down on top of himself once more. They kept kissing. Axel’s hands roamed over Roxas’ back, slowly working their way under layers.

Roxas pulled away a little. “I’ll think about it.”

Axel smiled gently and nodded. “Take your time. You don’t have to say yes and you don’t have to tell me today.”

“I’ll let you know next time I see you,” Roxas continued, feeling like he needed to set a deadline for this or he might avoid it altogether.

“No rush. Now let me undress you so I can make you come.” Fingers tugged at clothes with some force.

“Leave the mittens on though, yeah?” Roxas requested.

Axel chuckled. “Sure.” 

Roxas leaned down and kissed Axel - hard. Axel maneuvered fingers to make contact with cool skin, but he pulled out of their kiss minutely. “Oh, hey Roxas…”

“Mmm?”

“I’m glad to see you so relaxed on a round bed at last,” Axel sniggered.

Roxas gave a bewildered blink. Eyes darted all around himself. He yelped in disgust as he suddenly realizing that he was indeed lounging on that type of highly offensive bed. He tried to scramble off Axel and the bed, but Axel nabbed him around the waist. Roxas was pulled back down and Axel pressed his mouth firmly against Roxas’, thus distracting him with hot kisses and wandering hands.

* * *

 

Christmas was a pretty lonely affair for Roxas. He regretted having said _no_ to his family. Had he known Axel would be away he would have left for his own home. Some days it truly was irritating that they didn’t tell each other things. Though if Axel’s parents really _had_ sprung this on him there would have been nothing Roxas could have done anyway. It would have been too short notice for him to get out of work. So he didn’t let that thought bother him any further.

One thing which _did_ bother him though was the fact that he couldn’t reconcile Axel’s gift to him with keeping everything casual. And on top of that Axel had so casually flung out the word ‘ _anniversary_ ’, as well as ‘ _boyfriend_ ’. What the fuck was _that_ all about? It made Roxas so incredibly nauseous.

Another question which rolled around Roxas’ head was where exactly mittens sat on the gift giving scale. Roxas had wondered enough that he had searched for answers on the internet. ‘ _What does it mean if a boy gives you mittens as a present?’_ But that had been of no help. No. Roxas was left to come to his own conclusions. And his conclusions centered around it having been thoughtful and practical. It said ' _I care about you_ ’, yeah? That's what it had to be. That's how Roxas wanted to read it; as something special between the both of them.

But Roxas also wondered… Did Axel do this to all his other… _fuck-buddies_? He hated that term. He didn’t want to be one. But he supposed that is what they had become. He only had himself to blame for that. Roxas stopped thinking about it and kept owning noobs in various games in his down time. 

Other than staying at home Roxas also commuted to and from work, but it was hideously boring. All Roxas’ regulars were gone. He mainly dozed against the plastic divider. 

Axel hadn’t been able to give Roxas a specific date when he would be back. Some time after Christmas and before the second week after New Years, he had said. Roxas hadn’t wanted to appear needy, which was why he hadn’t pushed for an exact date. So Roxas was left guessing. He certainly didn’t hold his breath. He just kept living his own life.

Which mainly meant that he kept servers and systems running smoothly, to prevent huge crashes from happening once everyone returned to work. He also spent a lot of time rolling around on his chair, between the work cubicles of the big empty office space. 

He pretended to be a war hero, hiding behind cubicles and shooting his Nerf gun, which he brought from home. Roxas liked to imagine he was taking aim at all of Axel’s past fucks. There were so many of them, after all, providing ample target practice. Roxas also wrote terrible messages on the lunchroom whiteboard before erasing them. And sometimes his mind drifted to Axel and what the man was possibly doing right now. 

He wondered if Axel was thinking about him - missing him - getting off in a bathroom somewhere while he pictured Roxas… . Or if he was getting off with someone else, because that was probably the most likely scenario. And then Roxas would get more Nerf gun practice in. Until even that couldn’t improve his mood. But something that _did_ work to lighten his spirits was looking at his mittens, which he wore every single day.

They kept his fingers incredibly warm. It wasn’t because of the insulating fabric though. Not completely. They reminded him of Axel. They reminded him of all their good times together. And _that_ was what heated him from the inside out. He missed Axel. A lot. He counted the days… wondering how far he would get before he could stop counting. He wondered how long it would be before he could have sex again. Not that he was dependant on Axel for that. He definitely wasn’t. But he resisted getting himself off in the shower regardless. He wanted to save himself for Axel. Because that’s just how _in-too-deep_ he was. 

As the days meandered, Roxas thought about Axel’s requests. He wasn’t sure which of the two themes he wanted to go for. But he was going to say _yes_ to Axel either way. Just as soon as he came back to the city. Roxas hoped it would be soon.

There was only so much good cheer Roxas could take from store clerks singing ad nauseum, ‘ _Merry Christmas_ ’, every time Roxas popped in to buy stuff. He missed having one person to grumble over Christmas with. He couldn’t with Ventus, because Ventus _loved_ Christmas.

And speaking of Ventus’ love for Christmas… Roxas had received a massive care package in the mail from his brother. One filled with snacks from his home town. There had also been some gift vouchers, some video games, a pack of new underpants and socks, which no doubt his mom had smuggled into the box. And Roxas even found a couple packets of condoms in various sizes and three bottles of lubricant with a winky face sticker stuck on all of those items. A note was also attached - ‘ _A gift for you and Axel. Not sure what size will fit him, so have a couple of different ones. Tell me when you know ;) ;) ;) ;)’._

Roxas had laughed, and missed his stupid brother. But most of all Roxas still missed Axel.

He was glad when Christmas was finally over. But unfortunately the disgusting holiday cheer didn’t subside. He was still greeted with the holiday spirit as the city gearing up for New Years. The only positive thing about New Years was that Roxas would be able to tune out the fireworks on television while he ate lots of snacks and multi-tasked on his computer.

* * *

 

Roxas yawned heavily on the commute back home on New Year's Eve. He had stayed up too late the previous night doing some layouts for his brother’s wedding invites. His current fatigue hadn’t been helped by work being mind-numbingly boring. The monotony and complete graveyard-esque nature of his quiet job had lulled his brain into even _further_ fatigue.

He had felt some energy return to him as he rebelliously left the office. Roxas had given himself a small early mark, because who was going to stop him anyway?

The freezing air outside had also helped in waking Roxas up. He had gone to buy some snacks on his way to the subway. He had been pulled into a small conversation by the store clerk and was wished a very happy New Year as he eagerly left to head home. The air and the chat had reinvigorated Roxas, but as he sat in his usual spot, on his usual train, the swaying motion made him drowsy again.

He doubted that he would stay awake long enough to see the clock tick over to midnight. Not that it mattered. The New Year would bring much of the same as the old year… _although_ … this year had been pretty special. So maybe that was a _good_ thing? Maybe the year did deserve to be seen out with a bang? Though the only bang that Roxas wanted was currently unavailable. 

Oh well. It didn’t really matter. His eyes remained closed and he dozed lightly.

The train came to a grinding halt at each station. It lurched forward every time it started up again. Roxas could feel the clickety-clack of wheels rolling over the uneven tracks. When Roxas really focused on the feel and rhythm it was very soothing, pulling him further down into slumber.

He startled out of his light snooze however, sitting bolt upright and looked around himself, dazed and huffing. Black converse with multicolored streaks, reminiscent of fireworks, stood before him, and had apparently lightly kicked him.

Roxas’ heart jackhammered against his chest at the sight. His head flung up. He went to leap up but stopped himself, anchoring back down into his plastic seat. He didn’t want to seem needy. Yet his elated smile knew no bounds. It chiseled and etched onto his face. Unmoveable.

Red and green stood before him, wearing a smile so big it swallowed his whole face. Axel looked even more sexy than Roxas remembered him looking the last time he saw him. Roxas didn’t know why though. Axel wore his same suit after all. Even the tattoos were covered. Maybe it was the simple fact that absence made the heart… 

Axel reached down and slid Roxas’ headphones off. “Hey, Roxas. Did you miss me?” His bright smile never wavered.

“Axel, fuck,” Roxas was unable to modulate his voice. There was too much excitement, too much volume. People turned to look at them, before resuming their touristy mutterings.

“You want to already?” Axel chuckled. That sound was music to Roxas’ ears. It made his chest heave. Roxas felt like he was gonna start crying with how relieved he was at seeing Axel before him. But he couldn’t. That would be amazingly pathetic. He forced his lips into a tight line, hoping it would keep the emotions inside.

“What? No - well… maybe. What?” Roxas was flustered. He groaned. “Don’t be stupid, of course I didn’t miss you,” he got out, sounding quite stern. But then with a small quaver of burning curiosity, which gave everything away, he asked, “Did you miss me?”

Axel’s face scrunched up in that way it did when he thought Roxas was being really adorable. It made Roxas want to kiss him right then and there. Yet he refrained. But fuck it was hard. Axel was _so close_.

“No, not at all,” Axel spoke with nothing but the joy of seeing Roxas again in the tone of his voice. 

Roxas couldn’t keep the serious expression up for very long. He lapsed back into a smile. 

Axel shuffled closer, even though there was no reason too as there were no crowds. He spoke quietly, trying to keep their conversation private. “You going out to a party tonight?” Green eyes fell on the grocery bags Roxas had piled between his feet.

“Oh, no. I was just going to stay in and stuff my face and fall asleep one minute before midnight.”

Axel’s face lit up at that. “Well you wanna go do our usual thing then?”

“Really? _You_ don’t have anywhere to be tonight?”

“Well I’m honored you think I’m a party animal, but my social life is kinda dead at the moment. Everyone’s out with their boring families or partners.”

“Really?” Roxas felt skeptical.

“Really, really,” Axel nodded.

Roxas’ night just got a thousand times better. Fatigue melted away and his pulse throbbed with desire. “Yeah, I’m totally in,” he grinned with delight.

Axel’s face scrunched up with joy and he gave a small fist pump, accompanied by an, “Alright!”

They both kept staring and grinning at each other. Roxas’ heart felt lighter and energized. Axel was such a sight for sore eyes. He wouldn’t normally be talking this much on public transport, but it was the holidays and the tourists lacked total regard for social norms as they chatted in the buzzing train car. So Roxas felt alright to continue on their little conversation. Plus there was something he really needed to get off his chest.

“Axel,” Roxas dug a mittened hand out of his pocket and pressed his palm against Axel’s side. Roxas could feel Axel’s heat seeping out through all that fabric he was encased in. Roxas had missed touching him - had missed his body - his voice - his smell. Just _everything_ about him.

Axel’s face grew even brighter. “You’re wearing them,” he exclaimed.

“Yeah, of course,” Roxas stated like that was the dumbest thing he had ever heard come out of Axel’s mouth. And there had been some pretty dumb things in the past, so it was quite a feat. “I wear them all the time,” he declared.

Axel’s smile broadened in pleasure.

“Look, Axel… I want to repay you.”

“I told you, you don’t -”

Roxas rolled his eyes slightly and shook his head.

“Oh…? ... _Oh!_ ” A devilish smirk spread.

It got Roxas’ heart beating even harder. Man, he had missed this guy so bad.

“I want to go see where you work,” Roxas said, hopefully not being too cryptic.

Roxas saw the pleasurable shudder that ran through Axel. It also got the tingles going down his own spine. This was totally happening. Their night had only just begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still can't believe I put this whole chapter together from nothing but a 200 word summary I wrote in the 2nd draft of this fic. Man, I love how this story has grown. And I hope you love it too ❤ These boys are just too cute. *drowns in the adorableness*


	15. New Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys have a _very_ happy New Years.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very glad to get this chapter posted because it means I can no longer touch it. And I've been touching it so freaking much. I think it is probably my fave chapter in the whole fic.... but it's so long that I am in a funny quandary where I love it... but I cannot be arsed reading through it. And every time I did read through it I kept adding more and more content. This is why it's massive.
> 
> A **huge** shout-out to my beloved beta - [Secluded Delusions](https://archiveofourown.org/users/secluded_delusions) for being a super star and putting up with all my edits and for always giving honest feedback ❤
> 
> So please enjoy this chapter. And again, never planned for it to coincide with New Years but it does. So I hope you all have a great New Years. I hope 2017 will be a far better year for the world than 2016 was. But for me personally 2016 was pretty cool. So no complaints from me.
> 
> See you all next year with more updates :D
> 
> Explicit content below. Enjoy :)

The city felt quiet. Everyone was either out of town or at Central Radiant Garden, a vast botanical sanctuary at the heart of the city, where the majority of fireworks would be let off.

Roxas drifted behind Axel a couple of paces. It was strange walking down the mostly empty street. He felt nervous. Kind of like how he felt on his first ever time doing this with Axel. But he wasn’t feeling nearly as bad as back then. No… he wasn’t feeling bad at all. He felt safe with Axel. It made Roxas smile. But he was also undeniably anxious because of the unknown.

As Axel walked, he cast a glance back at Roxas, smiling in a distinct ‘ _are you all right?_ ’ kind of way. Roxas gave a small nod and smiled back, because he totally was all right. 

Axel’s smile intensified with understanding and he turned back to look where he was going. Roxas picked up his pace. His plastic shopping bags rustled as he ran and fell in line with Axel. He bumped against skinny frame gently, because he had missed Axel’s glorious physical presence.

“You wanna go somewhere else? There’s cafes and things down the main road if you’ve changed your mind,” Axel checked in.

“No, I’m all good,” came Roxas’ much-stronger-than-he-actually-felt response.

“Okay then. But if you change your mind at _any time_ , just let me know. It’s perfectly all right with me.”

Axel took Roxas to a hotel which they hadn’t been to in a long time. But Roxas still remembered it. His nerves intensified and bubbled up as Axel swiped through the room selection menu. 

Green eyes cast back towards Roxas “You sure about this? Don’t forget I’m more lenient than a store policy. Change of minds are perfectly acceptable,” Axel offered once more. “You can get a full refund or a trade in for something else,” he smiled softly.

Roxas chuckled, “I’m sure. I want to do this with you.”

“Aww, I’m so proud of you. My widdle Roxas is growing up so fast,” Axel wiped a mock tear from his eye.

Roxas gave an exasperated sigh, all the while smiling. Axel turned back to the machine, about to proceed with the room payment when Roxas grabbed his arm.

“Uh… Axel.”

“Yeah?” he said in a chipper tone. 

“I want to pay.”

Axel looked surprised. “You don’t have to, it’s all right.”

“No, it’s _not_ all right. This is supposed to be for _you_. _Your_ treat. _Your_ belated Christmas present.”

“Oh Roxas,” warm hand landed on his cheek and stroked. “The room’s not the present. _You_ _coming_ with me’s the gift,” Axel winked.

An instant embarrassed flush sprang onto Roxas’ face and neck. He looked away uncomfortably. “I wanna pay,” Roxas pressed on in a mutter. “If I don’t pay it’s… it’s like having to organize your own birthday cake for your own birthday party.” He looked back up at Axel, with a bit of fire. “It’s inhumane. It’s just not right. It’s the most tragic thing in existence. I don’t want you to be tragic.”

Axel’s laugh put a smile on Roxas’ face.

“It’s nice that you wanna save me from having a tragic life, Roxas. But I can’t let you pay for this.”

His smile fell away. “Why not?” Roxas felt himself getting a bit angry. A stern expression settled on his face.

“Because I want you to do this with me because _you_ want to. I don't want you to feel like you’re backed into a corner with no way out. And if I let you pay then you’re gonna feel like you can’t change your mind, because you’ll be wasting your money. I don’t want you to feel that way.”

Roxas hadn’t actually thought of that. “H-how much does it cost?”

“See…” Axel rubbed at the side of his head. “I don’t want to tell you that either because same situation. If you know how much it costs you might feel like you can’t refuse me. Like you have to go do this with me out of guilt. The last thing I want is for you to be uncomfortable, or feel like you owe me.”

Roxas’ mouth hung open a little. “How fucking _much_ does it cost?” he asked again with more heat.

Axel blocked the screen so Roxas couldn’t see. “Is knowing gonna make you feel better or worse? And really think about that, Roxas.”

He did. If it was a couple of hundred Roxas would be fine with it. If it was a couple of hundred Axel wouldn’t be making such a big fuss about it. So… definitely worse. Roxas gave a deep frown. “Ball park figure?”

“Anywhere from one dollar to a bajillion dollars.”

Roxas scowled. “Be serious, Axel.”

“I seriously don't want you to know. I seriously don't want you to worry about this. I mean it Roxas. All I want is for you to do this with me. Cost isn’t an issue to me. But I think it might be for you. So that’s why I can’t have you paying for this. I’ll let you pay for whatever else you want if you still feel really passionate about it, ok?”

“So I have no choice,” Roxas glared.

“You do. We can go somewhere else. We can go to the botanical garden, or to a cafe. An arcade. To just a normal room. You can pay for that stuff if you want.”

“I really want to do the themed room with you,” Roxas insisted.

“Then you know the terms. I’m not letting you pay because I want you to be completely comfortable to bail on me at any point in time.”

“But don't you think I would feel just as bad knowing _you_ paid so much? I’d rather waste my own money than have you fork out a heap. Then I'd definitely feel like I couldn't leave.”

Axel's eyes darkened in thought. “Yeah, that's true but… I just need you to believe me when I say that money isn't an issue for me.”

“What if money isn't an issue for me either?” Roxas shot back. Did he really look so impoverish? Did he give off a street urchin vibe?

“Isn't it?”

Roxas’ head sunk down and he glumly stared at multicolored converse. It must cost a couple of grand. Roxas felt terrible about that. But how much money had Axel _already_ wasted on Roxas by this point? A couple of grand was probably nothing compared to that. Roxas wasn’t made of money. He had a couple of grand saved up… but that was for emergencies… something to tide him over for a while if anything happened to his job. “Without knowing how much this is gonna cost I can't give you an answer to that,” Roxas muttered with more than a little resentment.

“Then it looks like we're at an impasse. I won't tell you and I won't let you pay for this. I just want your company. We can go somewhere else, it's fine.” Axel gave a good natured smile, like it really _didn't_ bother him.

But it bothered Roxas. Axel had already spent so much money on him. Axel had been thoughtful and gotten him awesome mittens. He had given Axel his word that they would do this. This would make Axel really happy. Roxas knew that he was happy when Axel was happy… within reason. So… 

He searched deep within himself, scanning to see if he was all right with this situation. He smiled a little. 

“Penny for your thoughts,” Axel queried gently. “Although… that might have been a bad phrase to use,” he muttered to himself.

Roxas’ gaze drew up off the floor and he huffed a little with amusement. “Yeah, maybe not the best word choice right now. But… I still want to do this with you.”

“And you’re ok with me paying and not telling you?”

Roxas breathed deep. His heart was throbbing in his stomach. “I’m not happy about it, but I’m all right with it,” he conceded. “On one condition, though.”

“Hmm?” Axel studied Roxas carefully.

“After today you start letting me pay for shit. We take turns paying for rooms. We take turns paying for food. Deal?”

Axel's cautious expression shifted into one of relieved delight. “I’m completely fine with that. It's a deal.”

They shook on it.

“Ok then,” Axel grinned. “We’re gonna be on floor eight, so go call the elevator while I pay. I don’t want you to be snooping around me while I do this.”

Roxas begrudgingly walked off. But he also knew it would be for the best, because if he did see the cost he would feel miserable.

They got into the elevator. Axel stood _very_ close to Roxas, arm wrapping around his waist, pulling Roxas close. “We ok, Roxas?”

Roxas leaned his head against Axel's chest. “Just gimmie a bit. I’ll be ok.”

A kiss was planted atop of Roxas’ hoodie. “Did you have a good Christmas?” Axel inquired softly.

“Could have been better,” Roxas purposefully glanced up at Axel. He saw a sad smile. “But it was fine. I got some new games and got a pretty sick new high-score. What about you?”

“Same, minus the fun of playing games. Could have been a lot better actually,” Axel’s eyes flickered onto Roxas, “But I survived the family and all their judging, so -” Axel shrugged dismissively.“Say - what kinda snacks did you buy?” 

Roxas opened the bag up for Axel to inspect. “Only the most essential and delicious things.” 

Axel laughed when he saw the vast array of sodas, as well as the large number of sweet and more sparse serving of savory snacks. “That should keep us going through the night, hey?” Axel winked and turned to lead the way out of the elevator, as the door chimed.

Heat prickled his cheeks and Roxas hummed in the back of his throat as he followed Axel out. He thought he had even missed the embarrassed reaction’s his body had towards Axel.

Once they were in front of their door Axel turned towards Roxas, with quite a serious look. “We’re finally here.”

“Yup,” Roxas responded, shifting from one foot to the other with anxious energy.

“You’re still up for this, right?”

“Yup.” Roxas kept shifting.

“You’re not still thinking about the money, are you?”

“I wasn’t, until you brought it up just now.”

“You sure?”

“Oh my God, yes, Axel! I promise I won’t think of the money, so can you just drop it? I was just getting _out_ of my shitty mood, but you're putting me right back into it ”

“Sorry. Um…”

Roxas groaned. “What is it?”

“There’s just one more thing I thought of. If it gets too weird for you just say so. We can have a safe word and everything.”

That came out of left field. He swallowed, feeling nervous all of a sudden. “You really think we’ll need a safe word? I mean… This isn’t BDSM… right?”

The mention of BDSM seemed to really liven Axel up and pull him out of his funk. He smirked. “Only if you want it to be.”

Roxas shook his head.

“Fair enough then. I would be more comfortable knowing we have a safe word that you can use though.”

“What if _you_ need to use it?”

Axel laughed lightly. “You’re right. Would be good for both of us to have one. So whaddaya say?”

Butterflies swirled at the care Axel was showing him tonight. “Um… ,” Roxas looked around himself, trying to come up with something. His eyes fell on the keycard. “Keyblade.”

“Keyblade. Got it,” Axel nodded solemnly, and pushed Roxas’ hood off so he could ruffled hair in appreciation. “Thank you for accomodating me like this.”

Roxas sighed happily and smiled. “Whatever gets you to shut up.”

Axel gasped in offense. But without missing a further beat he retorted, “A cock in my mouth does that much better.”

“I dunno, Axel. It doesn't seem to work when you're sucking me off.”

Axel smirked and wet his lips. “You like me simultaneously running my mouth off and running it all over you. Quit pretending. But c'mon. All this talk and no action is making me twitch.” He turned away and swiped the card, opening the door. 

Roxas’ hand darted out and grabbed Axel’s arm.

Axel turned around, “Yeah? You changed your mind? It’s fine if you have,” he repeated once more.

Roxas glared.

Axel threw out another apologetic, “Sorry.”

But Roxas wasn't really mad at Axel anymore. He was far more irritated with himself. He felt pathetic that Axel kept asking him that question, what seemed like every five minutes. Did Roxas really give off such an uncertain and uncomfortable vibe? Roxas really shouldn't be, because what they were about to do was ultimately inconsequential and harmless. Roxas needed to relax, and that would also make Axel relax.

He shook his head, “No. But I just thought of something… ah - what if… what if I don’t wanna come? Can we get a ‘stop-making-me-feel-so-good-I-don’t-want-it-to-be-over-yet’ word?”

Axel chuckled and ran a hand into Roxas’ hair once more, rubbing behind his ear. Roxas melted. Some days Roxas liked thinking that Axel enjoyed touching him like that just as much as Roxas enjoyed being touched there.

“You’re so precious. How about… ‘ _Cinnabun_ ’?”

That brought Roxas out of his pleasurable haze. He rolled his eyes. “Good enough I guess.”

“Alright… but we’re only allowed to use that word three times between the two of us. After the third time it loses its power and whoever comes first is the loser. And believe me when I tell you I’m gonna make you come. So hard. Only thing that’s gonna save you is the safe word. Got it?” Axel breathed into Roxas’ face.

Roxas laughed, brazenly. “Oh I got it. ‘Cinnabun’, for when I’m gonna make _you_ want to come. Only three chances. Fourth time, you’re gonna be the loser. And ‘Keyblade’ for if either of us feels uncomfortable.”

Both men smiled dangerously at each other and nodded. Axel pushed against the door one more time, but stopped.

“Oh… ah… one more thing.”

Roxas huffed with amusement. “This is like a major operation.”

“I know, right,” Axel laughed. His face fell into something slightly more serious though, “Can we promise each other something?”

The gravity of Axel’s words slammed into Roxas. “What?” he squeaked uncomfortably.

“We don’t judge each other when we go do stuff like this. We can be different people in there. Ok?”

“Like… roleplay?”

“Yeah,” Axel nodded. “Is that cool with you? We’ve got our safewords so…”

Everything got a fraction more erotic for Roxas in that moment. His stomach churned. His pulse throbbed. “Yeah. That’s fine. No judgement.”

Axel’s eyes gleamed with delight. “You’re the best!” He grabbed Roxas by the hand and pulled him through the door.

* * *

 

The room beyond was dark and felt spacious. Like it was a bigger complex than all the cozy rooms they had been to previously. Even the other themed rooms they had been to in the past hadn’t felt this large. Roxas wondered how big the office area actually was… and how much money Axel might have spent. But he shook that thought away. Money wasn’t an issue. Money shouldn’t come between them enjoying themselves. Roxas however grew determined that they needed to make the most out of this. He couldn’t see himself becoming uncomfortable. He couldn’t imagine himself ever wanting to bail on Axel. But it was sweet that Axel cared and worried so much.

“There’s light switches here. One for Day mode and one for Night. Let’s keep it to night for now,” Axel stated.

“Kind of like working late and after hours, huh?” Roxas asked for clarification. He dumped his non-essential things by the door and was suddenly pulled further into the room beyond.

“Yeah,” Axel confirmed. “Exactly like that.”

The small hallway ended and beyond it stood silent cubicles, like a field littered with neatly arranged boulders. A light, mounted on the high set ceiling, beamed and scanned, tracing and illuminated the narrow aisles between the cubicles, as it swept past.

“That’s gotta be like ‘ _security’_ ,” Axel air quoted. “To add some thrill to the whole thing,” he winked.

Roxas was already feeling the thrill. This seemed like a video game or theme park rather than a room. It seemed fun. “Cool. So whadda we gonna do first?”

“First? Ooo, I like your spirit” Axel grinned and rubbed his hands playfully along Roxas’ ribs.

“Cut it out,” Roxas giggled and swatted Axel's hands away. He liked how excited Axel was right now. It was adorable.

Axel straightened back up. “I thought we could start off with something innoxious. Nothing crazy, I promise. Just… a mild flight of fancy.”

“Like?”

“Like… you’re the new guy and I gotta show you around.”

Roxas’ body tingled. “Ok.”

“So, welcome to the office… er… what was your name again?”

“It’s Roxanalotos von Pebblebrook.”

Axel snorted a little. “Mind if I call you Roxas, Roxanalotos?”

“Eh… I suppose it’s all right,” he shrugged and looked around with forced indifference. “It _is_ a bit of a mouthful I suppose.” Roxas briefly eyed Axel, to see if he would take the bait.

Axel looked tempted but he pressed his lips into a tight line and swallowed down his words. “Cool. Well I’m Axelantè Extraordinair. But you can call me _Hotstuff_.” 

A strangled laugh sounded out of Roxas. “Ah, I think I’ll just call you _Axel_ , if that’s all right.”

“Well that’s a shame. But whatever you want. And I mean that in _every_ way,” he winked.

Roxas’ innards fluttered. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

They shook hands amicably and Axel thumbed over Roxas’ hand, refusing to let go after they had shaken for longer than what was appropriate even for people who _did_ know each other, let alone for people who weren't supposed to know each other.

“Eh - can I have my hand back?”

“Is it okay?”

“Huh?”

“It’s so cold. You need me to warm you up?”

Axel seemed to be really taking this ‘ _we only just met_ ’ thing to heart. All right, Roxas would keep playing along. “That’s fine, _Hotstuff_. I’ve been cold all my life. I’m used to it.”

Axel seemed elated over Roxas having called him that stupid name. He grinned like a buffoon. “Well if you say so. But feel how hot I am?”

They were still holding hands. Roxas stepped closer into Axel’s radiating heat bubble. “Yeah, So?” Roxas’ voice rasped with a bit too much pleasure, and he squeezed Axel’s hand, enjoying the feel of slender digits and fleshy palm.

“Well all this can be yours, for a measly nine-ninety-five. Postage and man-handling included.”

Roxas’ body buzzed and a tingle ran down his spine. He swallowed. His throat felt so dry. “I’ve got no money on me.”

“Ah, well then we’ll forgo the cost. All you gotta do is ask, and I’m yours.”

 _Fuck!_ was all that ran through Roxas’ head. His palm actually grew sweaty.

After a pregnant pause Axel continued, the smile on his face never wavering. His expression never changing to indicate how much of this was all a joke. “Use me like a hot water bottle, a blanket, a floatation device, a door stop, a… sex toy,” Axel winked. “Whatever you want, ok?”

“All that just coz I’m cold?”

“Yeah.”

“You are _very_ generous, and I’ll keep that in mind, but… it’s getting late and I just want to get this office tour out of the way so I can go home.”

“Anything interesting to do at home?”

“Binge some TV, and snacks, and sleep.”

“Hmm, that does sound pretty good. Can I come home with you, so we can both enjoy those things?”

Roxas felt like his heart stopped. ‘ _Stay calm. Don’t freak. Just… oh my god, say something!’_ his internal monologue ran around like a panicked chook with its head cut off. “Well… depending on how fast we can get this over and done with…” Roxas praised himself. He had sounded smooth, instead of a quaking mess.

“All right, we’ll be quick about it then. Lucky for you they assigned _me_ to show you around our office, and I know all the shortcuts and most interesting sights. So I’ll make it worth your while.”

Axel finally let go of Roxas’ hand, though Roxas regretted that action. Surely Axel hadn’t meant anything he was saying. They were just playing. He followed Axel who proceeded to give a walking tour.

“So this is the main office area. Just like every other office area in the entire world. Not much of interest happens here.” Axel sauntered, his hands stuck deep into his pockets as he ambled without a care in the world. “If you got any questions just ask.”

“Yeah I do have one actually, why you gotta do this when everyone's gone? Seems a bit… suspicious.”

“I work so hard, it’s the only time I’ve got free,” Axel stated as he wandered through the neatly arranged cubicle jungle.

“I see.” Roxas looked around himself as they went.

The aisles were narrow. Some closed doors stood in the corners of the pretty large space. He wondered where they lead to.

“Oh, we gotta duck in here.” Axel’s hand was on Roxas’ shoulder, pulling him into a cubicle. Moments later a bright light swept along the aisle and static, like the sound from a security radio, buzzed past.

“We’re dodging security now? Are you _sure_ you're authorized to be in here, or to show me around?”

Axel grinned. “Of course. I work here. It’s just… Steve the security guy doesn’t like me much.”

“What did you do to him?”

Axel gasped. “What makes you think I did _anything_ to him? Maybe he’s just got an unreasonable target on my back. Maybe _he’s_ the big bully. Did _that_ ever occur to you?”

“Well I know we just met, and I don’t know you… but you do seem like the type of guy who instigates mischief.”

Axel laughed. “I can tell we’ll get on like a house on fire,” he bumped Roxas with his shoulder. “I might have laced his midnight snack with some ghost chillies once upon a time.” Axel peeked around the corner of the cubicle before turning back to face Roxas.

“You’re a complete miscreant, aren’t you,” Roxas accused, smiling.

“Yeah, that’s me,” Axel's toothy grin shon in the gloom of the darkened space. “But anyway, this is Sally’s office.” Axel waved his arm around the space. “As you can see she likes to collect spoons and… Weapon’s Monthly magazines, apparently.” Axel shrugged and threw the magazine back down onto the small desk.

“I think I met Sally today at my induction. She seems like a grumpy lady,” Roxas spoke thoughtfully.

“Oh she is. She’s one of the worst. We should rub our genitals all over her desk and mouse. Teach her a lesson.”

Roxas tried to stifle his laughter. “I don’t want to get involved with office politics.”

“Ok, fine. But when you do decide to join in with the fun just hit me up. I’ll take you back here to do dirty things to her ruler any day of the week.”

Roxas snorted with laughter and nodded.

Axel looked delighted. “Ok, let’s continue the tour.” They walked back out into the aisles. “To your left you can see Paulo’s cubicle. You need to watch out for him. He gets a bit handsy with all the pretty ones in the office.”

“I don’t think I’ve got anything to worry about then,” Roxas dismissed.

Axel whirled around instantly, “Don’t say that. Don’t think that.” 

Roxas’ breath caught in his chest and he stumbled backwards from how sudden Axel’s motion had been. 

Axel wore a terribly fierce expression. But it left his face moments later. “Sorry… but if you think you’re not pretty you’ll end up letting Paulo get close to you. And then he’ll strike. Just trust me when I say you aren’t safe around him.”

Roxas nodded rapidly, still reeling slightly from the shock of Axel’s passionate demand. “Am I safe with you?” Roxas berated himself for sounding so mousey right now.

“Completely.” Axel didn't smile or laugh. He was deadly serious.

Roxas yearned for a hug and a warm kiss but pushed it down. Instead he gave a small smile.

Axel roused himself and blew air out of his nose. A cheap smile flashed and he turned around again leading the way down the side of the narrow path. 

They came across a storeroom with a photocopier inside. Roxas knew Axel was wearing a massive smirk by that point, without even needing to see it.

Axel swirled around, blazer tails flying. He gestured with his arms broadly, “And this is the supply room. Anything and everything you could possibly want or need. Papers, binders, staples, blowjobs. Just come in here for that.”

“Blowjobs? Is that like some new fancy way of collating documents?”

Axel stepped closer towards Roxas and smiled down at him softly. “You want me to show you what it is?”

“N-not right now, thank you… but… can we use the photocopier?”

“Sure,” Axel grinned.

They photocopied the only sensible thing they could. Their butts. Both men giggled childishly and compared their printouts.

“From this angle,” Roxas turned the page, “it looks like your face.”

“Oh my god, it does too. I have a butt face! We gotta keep this a secret, ok?” Axel grabbed the page and pushed it into the shredder.

Roxas chuckled. “Destroying the evidence is pointless. I know how to get more copies.”

“I'd like to see you try… like seriously,” Axel's deadpan expression turned up into a sneaky smirk.

Giggles rolled through Roxas and he went to feed his own print out through the shredder. Axel whimpered, drawing Roxas’ attention. “Why’re you looking so sad?”

Axel’s whole face had turned down as the last bit of paper was pulverized. “I look sad because I feel sad. It should be a criminal offense to destroy that work of art that was your backside,” he pouted and cast eyes towards the shredder. 

“Are you always this melodramatic?” Roxas threw out nonchalantly.

The pout grew more pronounced. “I’m not being melodramatic.”

“Nah, I think you are. It’s just a bit of paper,” Roxas kicked the shredder lightly. “Not like the actual real deal got destroyed. That’ll always still be here.” Roxas slapped his backside and grinned.

Energy returned to Axel. “Anyone ever tell you that you’ve got a really cute arse, _Roxas_?”

Oh god, that _smile_. Roxas had missed it. “Yeah, there’s this one guy who keeps harping on about it. I think he might have a thing for me.” Roxas’ heart pounded with nerves. Why had he said that?

“Oh, are you by any chance interested in him? Is he your boyfriend?”

That question hit Roxas’ body like a jolt of electricity. Everything tensed up. “N-no. It’s nothing like that. He’s just a perv who likes to make me feel uncomfortable.”

“Ah, so he’s not anything for me to be worried about then, yeah?” 

Axel’s rich timbre flowed and filled Roxas up. He was too hot all of a sudden. This was the second time they had talked about _boyfriends_. What was _with_ that? 

Axel had moved in pretty close to Roxas by this point. One of his hands sat on Roxas’ hip. Axel licked his lips while he watched Roxas’ completely flustered posture and face. 

_Shit_ , Roxas needed to compose himself. But his throat constricted and a heaviness sat at the top of his stomach. “W-why would you be worried about… an asshole like that?”

Axel stroked Roxas’ face. Their lips were so close. “You’re right. I’m probably much better looking than that guy anyway. I saw the way you looked at my backside. Maybe I should have let you keep the print out as a memento,” Axel mused and scanned Roxas’ face.

“You'd trust me to keep your butt-face secret safe and not exploit it?”

“Yeah. You seem like someone I could trust with my darkest secrets.” It was spoken with such quiet sincerity. 

Roxas’ spine vibrated with electricity. This was just a game. They were playing. That's what Roxas told himself. “I’m honored,” came his meek response, “especially since we just met.”

“Well, you know, I got a pretty good sixth sense when it comes to people. And I have a _very_ good feeling about you, Roxas.”

Roxas’ cheek was caressed, and his heart raced. His tongue felt leathery and thick

Axel pulled away when it became evident that Roxas had nothing further to add to the conversation. “C’mon, I don’t want to make you uncomfortable like that _other_ guy. Let me show you something super special.” Axel's hand grabbed at Roxas, causing the mood to shift. 

Roxas was able to breathe again as he was pulled out of the storeroom. They quietly raced through the aisles between cubicles before Axel flung Roxas into one at random. Roxas’ midsection hit the desk, forcing a soft ‘ _Oof_ ’ out of him.

“Sorry,” Axel fretted lightly, right by Roxas’ side.

Roxas turned around to face Axel. He looked around himself. It was another cubicle, much like the other ones he had seen. “It’s ok. I’m fine. But… What’s so special about this one?”

“This one’s mine.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. Why do you sound like you don’t believe me?” Axel huffed in offense.

“Because I never thought you’d be into collecting teacups,” Roxas stated, holding up a picture frame with a photograph of some stock footage tea cups inside of it. “And I thought your name was _Axelantè “Hotstuff” Extraordinair,_ not _Martha_.” Roxas pointed at the plaque situated on the table.

“Ah shit. You found out my biggest secret of them all,” Axel rubbed at his head and frowned. “I’m actually a little old lady who’s trapped in an incredible bombshell of a body. Destined to live out my days trapped and forever looking to fuck gorgeous guys like yourself.”

Roxas bit down the snort of laughter that welled up. “What a terrible shame. I’ll keep your secret safe, _Martha_.”

“You will?” Axel sounded so hopeful and he clasped his hands together in front of himself.

“Yeah, on one condition though.” 

“Lay it on me.”

Roxas had enough of banter and teasing. “You need to fulfill your destiny,” he swept a few of the knick knacks off the desk and sat on it, spreading his legs.

Axel hummed pleasantly in the back of his throat. “Your wish is my command.” 

Axel slid in between Roxas’ legs. He pressed his hands onto the desk at either side of Roxas and leaned forward. They were almost at eye level. Their chests pushed together, their noses and chins bumping gently. Roxas closed his eyes and inhaled deeply. Warmth cupped his cheek, and Roxas leaned into it.

“You ever been kissed, Roxas?”

“Not by a _Hotstuff_ or a _Martha_.”

“Then today’s your lucky day.”

They both smiled at each other. Axel’s eyes drifted down to Roxas’ lips. Roxas’ eyes also drifted to Axel’s. He moistened his lips, which made Axel lick his own. Warm breath caressed Roxas’ face. Axel’s finger stroked and traced over delicate parted flesh. 

They were so close. Roxas had missed him _so_ much.

“Axel,” Roxas whispered as his eyes fluttered shut. He squeezed Axel's body with his legs, wrapping them around slim frame so that Axel had nowhere to go. 

Warmth pressed against him. Their lips softly connected. Roxas’ hand found it’s way into Axel’s gorgeous hair. He played with strands and rubbed at the shell of Axel’s ear. His other hand found its way onto Axel’s chest, pulling at business shirt and threading fingers between the fabric where the shirt buttoned together. Roxas’ fingertips drank up the feel of Axel's velvety cream skin below.

Axel’s own hands snaked around Roxas waist, pulling them closer together. Their kiss deepened. Axel gently pushed into Roxas’ open and inviting mouth. They tasted each other. They moaned softly with longing. Spending a week and a bit apart had been too long.

Axel massaged Roxas with his tongue. It was slow and leisurely. Tongues rolled together and took turns delving into each others mouths. They breathed deep. Fingers and hands kept stroking over body parts and pushing and pulling each other closer, yearning to make up for the lost time of having been apart.

The sound of static erupted.

Axel groaned with displeasure and peeled away, ducking under and pulling Roxas off the desk and down on top of himself. They hid out under there. Roxas straddled Axel. Gangly knees and limbs were squished up and digging into Roxas uncomfortably. But he didn’t notice much of it. His attention was on the way their languid kiss had suddenly burned up and was replaced by needier and lusty kisses. 

Lips were nipped and sucked on. Sounds of enjoyment and pleasure emitted from both their throats. Their tongues fought to win domination over each other. Fingers worked on unbuttoning business shirt instead of just dipping between the folds. Roxas felt incredible hunger for Axel. His hands and body drank up the heat which was being given off.

Roxas pushed himself closer and purposefully moaned into Axel’s mouth. Axel’s fingers disappeared underneath Roxas’ layers, causing Roxas to shiver and moan even more. Hot palms pressed against Roxas’ abdomen, eliciting slews of goosebumps wherever heat trailed. Roxas dipped his fingers beneath Axel’s pants once the shirt was completely undone. He brushed past soft skin and coarse hair. His digits found hot, firm flesh and pressed.

Axel pulled out of the kiss, moaning with pleasure. He bucked his hips up into Roxas’ touch. Roxas pressed and fingered some more while trailing kisses around the underside of Axel’s chin. Axel felt incredibly hard. Roxas’ fingertips skirted around the ridge of Axel’s head, making sure not to touch him any further than that. He wanted to make Axel squirm.

More rumbling sounds of enjoyment seeped out of Axel, but then his voice grew sharper and high pitched. Roxas pulled away, inspecting Axel, who was folded up pretty awkwardly underneath Roxas in the cramped space beneath the desk.

“You want me to move?”

“Yeah,” Axel whimpered. “Get back on top of the desk maybe.”

They extracted themselves from the narrow cavity and Roxas sat back where he had been perched previously. Axel stretched and rolled his shoulders and head, trying to loosen out the cramp.

“Being so tall is both a blessing and a curse, huh,” Roxas observed.

“Yeah,” Axel sat himself down in a rolling office chair and slid in between Roxas’ legs once more.

“Now where were we?” Axel husked and licked his lips. He wrapped arms around Roxas’ backside, pulling himself even closer to Roxas.

“I think,” Roxas rested his feet on the chairs seat pad, spreading his legs apart further, “you had a date with destiny, _Martha_.”

Axel’s eyes flickered hungrily between Roxas’ crotch and face. Roxas slowly undid his jeans button and unzipped himself. It caused Axel to moan and bite his lip when the sight of Roxas’ erection pressing out from the confines of its fabric prison greeted him. 

Roxas leisurely pushed his underwear down, revealing himself, throbbing inch by throbbing inch. Axel looked ravenous. It made Roxas feel even harder.

“Can I… lick you?” Axel asked, peeling eyes off the prize and up at Roxas.

Roxas nodded. His heart thumped in his stomach. He watched Axel somehow pull himself _even_ closer. He saw Axel’s mouth open and eyed that dexterous tongue as it went to work. That first contact felt incredible. Having resisted touching himself for that week and a bit made Roxas extra sensitive now. 

Axel’s tongue licked, rubbed and massaged over Roxas’ sack and all the way to the very tip of his head. Roxas moaned and pushed his hips closer. Shivers ran up and down his spine and he pushed himself against Axel. Wanting to encourage him as much as possible. Roxas wanted Axel to suck on his head. He wanted to feel the warmth and pressure. But Axel didn't take him. He just kept licking, pushing and rubbing.

The pleasure almost squeezing Roxas’ eyes shut. But he kept them open and trained on Axel. It was a wonderful sight to behold after all. Axel cast sultry green eyes up at him from time to time. Lips were quirked up in a smile. He looked like he was really enjoying himself. Roxas had missed Axel so fucking much. A heady fuzz began clouding Roxas’ senses. It felt so good. Axel was so warm. The pleasure was immense. Maybe he should have kept masturbating over the Christmas break, because he wasn’t sure how long he was going to hold out for.

“A-Axel… we should stop… security will find out. Steve - will kick your butt.”

The pleasurable onslaught on Roxas’ erection thankfully abated. “Steve can go fuck my butt. And even _that_ wouldn’t stop me.” Hot tongue was back, doing the thing it did so well. Teeth gently grazed. Roxas shuddered with pleasure. He tried to stifle the sounds emanating from his throat. He slumped forward, hugging Axel’s head into his chest as the man gently bobbed up and down and swayed his head every which way so his tongue could get to all parts of Roxas’ penis.

“Please, can we try something else now? There’s still… other rooms.”

Axel stopped for a breath, and muffled against Roxas’ throbbing head, “Sounds like you’re looking for excuses.”

“Oh _fuck_ ,” Roxas grunted. Axel’s mouth finally engulfed Roxas’ erection, and briefly sucked.

Roxas felt himself twitch. His penis was beginning to pump. The heat inside himself was massive. He had to bite the bullet. “ _Cinnabun._ ”

Axel released Roxas with a _pop_. “One down, two to go,” he smirked.

Roxas’ breath rasped harshly through the quiet of their surroundings. He ground his teeth and groaned in irritation, tucking himself back in… very carefully.

Axel pulled away and looked up. “I don’t remember you being so easy to push to the edge. Not since we started doing each other regularly anyway. Has the week's break undone most of the good work I did on you?”

“Good work? What good work?”

“You know… pushing your tolerance up. Helping you last longer than… what was it?” Axel chuckled, “A minute?”

“Shaddap!” Roxas panted and leaned back, laying down on the desk.

Axel’s face appeared above Roxas moments later. “A week shouldn’t make you like this, Roxas. Especially if you’ve been masturbating. You _have_ been masturbating, right?”

Axel’s lips were turned up into a wily smirk. He was too sexy. Roxas turned his head to the side, looking out towards the adjacent cubicle wall. “What are you? My sex therapist?” he grumbled.

Hot breath hit the top of Roxas’ jaw, “Mmm, that sounds like a defensive deflect. So that means… that you haven't been doing yourself. Have you been saving yourself for me, Roxas? Is that what’s been going on?” Axel rumbled so low, placing soft kisses behind Roxas’ ear. It made Roxas shiver. It squeezed the air out of him. His shaft twitched.

“What I do with my body while you’re not here is none of your business,” Roxas forced out and rolled away from under Axel. He went and leaned against the short end of the desk, facing away from him, and trying to get his breathing and erection in check.

He felt grumpy and embarrassed. He didn’t want Axel to know… . He didn’t want Axel to think that Roxas was hung up on him - That Roxas _desired_ Axel so much.

Axel chuckled. “No need to be shy about it. I think it’s sweet.”

Roxas couldn’t get away from Axel. He was yet again right behind him, running fingers through Roxas’ hair. 

“This is supposed to be your belated Christmas present… I just thought… maybe… ”

“ _Roxas_.”

Roxas’ breath quavered. He turned his head, because he wanted to see the smile his name always left on Axel’s face whenever Axel called out to him like that.

But Roxas didn’t see it, because lips were instantaneously upon his own. Axel’s tongue pushed. Roxas’ mouth opened and Axel entered and caressed. His tongue gently rolled and rubbed. Lips sucked and hands wrapped around Roxas, pulling him onto the desk at a slight angle. His back was tightly pressed against Axel’s chest.

Roxas’ hand stroked Axel’s soft cheek. He pushed against Axel with some strength, increasing the intensity of their awkward over the shoulder kiss. But he pulled away again when his penis throbbed, reminding him that he was supposed to be calming down, not getting himself worked up again.

“I think we’ve spent enough time in your office, _Martha_.”

Axel sniggered.

They left, ducking and weaved between cubicles, avoiding the ‘ _security’_ lights, and made their way towards a door set into one of the corners of the room. Axel opened the door to reveal a spacious room beyond. He headed inside without hesitation. But Roxas froze at the threshold.

There were people sitting in the chairs around a massive wood table. 

“It’s ok, Roxas. They’re just dolls.” Axel smacked one of them on the head. “See,” he said, and muttered a, “Sorry Patricia. The new kids a bit skittish.” Axel continued to speak, but in a high pitched squeak, “ _It’s ok, Axel. I like it when you play rough with me.”_

Roxas relaxed a little. He warily stepped in, closing the door behind himself.

“Sorry we’re late guys. Please continue your boring arsed powerpoint presentation, Phillip,” Axel spoke loudly and slid into a chair near the front. 

Roxas went to sit down next to Axel, side eyeing the mannequins as he went. Roxas found the dolls unnerving. They weren’t very detailed but still detailed enough to fall into the Uncanny Valley. A gentle squeeze landed on Roxas’ hand when he sat down, pulling his attention away from the disturbing dolls around him and onto the gorgeous and very real man seated next to him.

Axel smiled and murmured, “You doing ok?”

Roxas nodded. “I wasn’t expecting something like this.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll make it fun.” Axel turned away and towards the room, booming out into the silence, “You’ve all met Roxas, yeah?” 

And then Axel started doing his best to make light of the situation. He threw out different responses in different voices.

“ _Yes, I’ve been staring at him all morning from across the aisle,_ ” came a shrill squeak.

“You’re such a flirt, Simone,” Axel retorted to his own comment.

“ _Welcome to bureaucracy hell, Roxas,_ ” was said in a low rumble.

“Don’t let Jonathan put you off. It’s only hell ninety percent of the time.”

“ _Watch out for the boss, he’s a right prick,_ ” was spoken very nasally.

“Yeah, I agree with Nate. I mean look… he’s making us all work back so late… looking at a powerpoint on… ‘ _The best way to sort and filter through emails and plan your day calendar’_? Suzanne, did Harriet put you up to this?”

“ _Oh no, it wasn’t me,_ ” squeaked Axel in his probably _worst_ lady voice.

Roxas was well and truly giggling by this point.

“Shh, Roxas. This is _serious business_ ,” Axel shushed with a grand smile.

Roxas hummed in the back of his throat. His breath caught though when he felt Axel’s hand on his thigh, travelling up and rubbing him.

So this was where the boardroom meeting was going. Roxas bit down the smile and wove his own hand through the chair's armrests, snaking parallel to Axel’s arm and onto the man’s crotch.

Axel was already working on unbuttoning and unzipping Roxas. He was still hard from Axel’s previous tongue assault so he wasn’t sure if he would be able to beat Axel in this round. Roxas undid Axel’s fly and rubbed through silky boxers, before dipping down below to warm flesh. Axel sighed with joy and pushed into Roxas’ touch.

“Roxas,” He murmured. It drew Roxas’ attention. He saw Axel cock an eyebrow over to a wall where a decibel meter was mounted. It was clearly marked with a green, yellow and red zone. The needle sat in the green zone. Presumably anything above the green meant that it would draw suspicious attention from the dolls seated around them.

Roxas beamed. He wanted to make Axel moan. And apparently Axel had the same in mind for Roxas. Both men pulled and tugged, thumbed and stroked. Roxas was biting down hard on his lip, moaning loudly in his head instead. He had plenty of practice doing this while watching Axel undress in front of him for months on end, so this should be a cinch.

Axel was squirming next to him, giving Roxas sidelong glances. Roxas kept his eyes trained on the decibel meter. He _could_ win this game. He _was_ going to win this game. He stopped jerking Axel off. It seemed to surprise Axel by the way his own movement wavered. But Axel’s wrist quickly resumed its action. Roxas was fighting really hard against the tingling in his nerve endings. He ran a moistened finger down Axel’s length, over his sack and continued down.

Axel yelped. The needle shot up to _Red_. Roxas had won by pushing against Axel’s sphincter. He gave a triumphant barking laugh and pulled his hand out from Axel’s pants.

“No fair,” Axel bemoaned.

“Plenty fair.”

“I didn’t know we were allowed to go down that far,” came the childish whined.

“You aren’t. That’s my special privilege.”

Axel fumed and launched himself onto Roxas’ chair. They rolled back and hit a wall. Axel squeezed Roxas’ erection and thumbing furiously over his slit, while leaving dozens of pecks on Roxas’ neck and jaw.

Roxas squirmed. “Don’t be - such a sore loser,” he whimpered.

“I’m gonna make you come,” Axel stated hungrily. He kissed, sucked, and nipped harder. 

Roxas moaned loudly. The tingling and throbbing intensified. “Cinna...”

Axel didn’t stop.

“Dude!” Roxas whined.

“You gotta say the whole word. You’re not going to trick me with a technicality.”

Roxas damned Axel in his head. “ _Cinnabun._ ”

Axel’s hand fell away. He got off Roxas and power posed in front of him. Legs far apart and hands on hips. He barked at the ceiling triumphantly,“Ha-ha! Two down, one to go. I’m gonna wipe the floor with you at this rate.” But when he lowered his head again elation washed away and was replaced with a pitying look. 

Roxas sat sprawled out on his chair, head drooped, eyes closed and chest heaving.

“Seems like this marathon is getting too much for you. You’re fading fast. You need to take a snack break?

“Yeah, maybe?” Roxas panted.

“All right, my precious cinnamon roll. You just stay put. Hotstuff will look after you.”

Laughter rasped out of Roxas. “I’d rather have Axel look after me.”

“Sure, I can arrange that too.” Axel smiled down softly and left a little kiss on Roxas’ forehead. He then proceeded to wheel Roxas out of the room on the chair he was on. “Make way! Make way! A hot delivery coming through!” Axel shouted into the space beyond.

They flew around corners at breakneck speed. Roxas was nearly crying with laughter by the time they reached the main hallway. 

Axel tilted the chair forward and deposited a howling Roxas onto the carpeted floor below, and then settled down next to him, both leaning against the wall. They ripped open bags of snacks and confectionery, and cans of soda fizzed open..

“You having fun?”

“Yeah. Are you?” Roxas got out between his giggles as well as mouthfuls of food.

He passed a savory snack bag to Axel, which he happily took and chuckled. “Hell yeah. Thanks for doing this with me.”

“Any time,” Roxas said gently.

“You mean it?”

“Yeah, I do.” Roxas offered up a smile.

Axel beamed, stuffed more food in his mouth and reached for other packets to munch on.

They ate and rested in a mostly relaxed silence, commenting from time to time on the snacks and drinks which they shared between themselves. At one point Axel leaned over, a gummy worm hanging out of his mouth. Roxas took it gingerly with his teeth. The next worm that was delivered was a lot shorter. Roxas giggled and took it whilst firmly pressing his lips against Axel's. The next one was placed on Axel's outstretched tongue. Roxas opened his mouth and took in both Axel and the gummy treat.

They started kissing and food became forgotten.

Roxas’ hands trailed down Axel's still bare chest, as the man had never bothered to button his shirt back up after they had made out under the desk earlier. They both started moaning against each other. Roxas maneuvered himself onto Axel's lap without breaking their kissing. But after a few more deep sucks of tongues Axel pushed the palm of his hand against Roxas, creating space between them.

“Looks like you got more energy. You ready to lose to me now?”

Roxas narrowed his eyes and a dangerous smile played on his lips. “I'll never lose to you. Try and do your worst. I dare you.”

Axel bit his lip and pushed a hand into Roxas’ hair. He looked like he was about to ravish Roxas then and there, but managed to stop and collect himself. “I really admire your spirit,” he spoke in a husky growl. “But I think I need to unleash my secret weapon before we get back out there.”

“Secret weapon?” Roxas tilted his head at Axel’s cryptic words.

Axel rifled through the near empty shopping bags. “A-ha!” He produced wet wipes and tore into the packet. 

Roxas gulped. Secret weapon indeed. “You’re so scared to lose to me you gotta resort to guerrilla warfare?” Roxas berated.

Axel smirked and nodded vigorously. He waggled the wipes in front of Roxas. “You want to do the honors?”

Oh how Roxas was dying for the chance. But it would probably also spell his certain doom.

As if reading Roxas’ mind Axel taunted, “If you don’t, I’ll do it myself. And then you’ll be _really_ sad that you missed out on stripping me. Now imagine that _on top_ of having lost to me.” 

Roxas glared, snatched the wet wipes away and began defiantly doing what he loved doing. 

Axel shook with suppressed laughter.

As tattoos were revealed Roxas could almost feel his inevitable defeat looming large. Axel’s sly smirk grew bigger into a wicked, all knowing and pompous grin. 

Roxas gulped, discarded the wet wipes and pulled himself closer, pressing flush against Axel’s torso and smooshed his mouth against the other man. He felt Axel shake with laughter. Warm arms snaked around Roxas and he pushed his tongue past smiling lips, rubbing at the underside of Axel's tongue.

A sound of surprise and pleasure leaked out of Axel. Roxas pulled away as suddenly as he had assaulted Axel, leaving them both panting.

“Let’s get back to it,” Roxas fired, needing some distraction from all that had transpired. “I can’t wait to turn you into a big loser,” he egged on.

Axel captured Roxas’ lips for a brief, yet no less intense suck. He hummed in satisfaction as he pulled away, and took Roxas’ bait. “Alright… I think it’s time to meet the Big Boss.”

Roxas scrambled off Axel and pulled him to his feet. Roxas yanked so hard that Axel stumbled upward and landed almost atop of Roxas. Their arms caught and wrapped around each other. Limbs squeezed tight. Roxas left kissed on bare chest and felt pecks being left on top of his head. It lasted for a few beats before they mutually pulled away, venturing back into the maze of cubicles. 

They dodged past the ‘ _security’_ once more, finding their way into a flash office behind a set of big oak doors. An intimidating desk stood in the center of the room.

“Huh, looks like Big Boss isn’t in.” Axel strode forward and sat down on a heavy industrial chair. “Looks like I’ll be -”

“Get out of my chair,” Roxas boomed.

Axel jumped a little in startled shock. “This is _my_ chair. Finders, keepers.”

Roxas stalked forward, glaring menacingly at Axel. “It’s not. It’s your boss's chair.”

“Yeah, but -”

“But nothing. Have you ever _seen_ your boss?”

“N-ohh…” Axel caught on.

“Exactly. _I_ am your enigmatic boss. You work for _me_. I disguised myself as a lowly underling to observe how terrible my employees are at their job. Now get out of _my_ chair.” Roxas tried to loom large in front of Axel.

Axel got up and backed off, almost grovelling. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

Roxas took the seat and swiveled around in it. He slammed his hands on the desk, coming to a quick stop. Roxas pointed at the chair opposite of himself on the other side of the massive desk. “Sit.”

“Yes, Boss.”

Roxas felt powerful. He liked it. “So let’s talk about your work performance.” Roxas leaned forward, knitting fingers together and tapping at his lips with his index fingers.

“You appear to be a hard worker. Willing to come in after hours to help out. So that’s a plus one. But you mishandle office equipment, bad mouth your fellow co-workers, and try to give our security staff indigestion. That’s all a minus ten thousand. Plus your sexual promiscuity in the workplace is unacceptable. You’re a lawsuit waiting to happen. That’s minus a bazillion points right there. It will reflect poorly in your next paycheck.”

Axel’s eyes widened in horror. “Please, Big Boss - don’t cut my pay. I need every cent. I’ve got this really attractive guy I need to feed and seduce. You can’t do this to me.”

“Maybe you should be more concerned about seducing me instead of some half baked butternut squash, huh?”

“Oh Big Boss… are you getting jealous?” Axel leered and waggled his eyebrows.

Roxas grinned. “There’s nothing to be jealous of. For I control your whole world. Nothing in your life is real. That guy you get so hard for… that’s me.”

“No way!” Axel gasped in disbelief.

“Yes way. Don’t you ever wonder why you never see us in a room together?”

Axel gasped louder. “Oh. My. GOD! My - world… it crumbles.” He slammed his head on the desk in dramatic dismay. 

The loud _thunk_ sounded painful and Roxas flinched. “Don’t you ever wonder why you are the _only_ person in the office… ever?”

“But… that’s a lie. I was just in a boardroom meeting. There was Suzanne, and Harriet, and Phillip, and Patricia and…”

“All fakes. All lies.”

“No way!” Axel denied again, lifting his head up to look at Roxas with big sad eyes. “How can they be fake? They all came around to my housewarming last November. I’ve even screwed three of them…” 

“They don’t exist. I can’t tell you anything else other than you are having a break with reality.”

“Oh no! What did I do to deserve this?”

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You should be asking ‘ _how can I get out of this_ ’ instead.”

“How can I get out of this instead, Big Boss?” Axel pleaded.

Roxas was having a lot of fun… But he hadn’t thought any of this through. “Uh…”

“ _Psst, you should get me to suck you off_ ,” Axel whispered and winked at him, trying to be helpful.

Roxas’ innards pulsated. He really wanted Axel to do that… but he also did not want to lose. A sudden flash of inspiration hit. Axel wasn’t going to win this. No way. Roxas leapt on top of the desk. Axel leaned back, startled, craning his neck to look up.

“Your Big Boss says that you need to sit in that chair and get yourself off while I watch.”

“What! No! That’s not -”

“I don’t care, Axel. You are going to do it, or you will be stuck in Fake Land forever,” Roxas boomed once more.

Axel’s eyes narrowed. “You’re cheating, Roxas.”

“I said I’d bide my time… and I have. Payback’s a bitch. So get to it, and do as your Big Boss tells you.”

Axel’s eyes widened in realization at what Roxas was referring to, but eyes collapsed again into narrow slits seconds later. He sat back, folding arms across his chest. “This is pretty fucking low, Roxas.” Axel looking off to the side with pouted lips, sulking for a bit.

Roxas sat himself down on the lip of the desk, facing Axel. “We can stay here for eternity. I don’t mind,” Roxas shrugged, dispassionately. He inspected his nails, flicking dirt out from under his nails and swinging legs.

Silence stretched out. A clock ticked somewhere in the large room. Roxas hummed a tune, paying no attention to Axel.

Axel's disgruntled voice slowly started back to life, “This is unfair and I want to lodge a formal complaint.”

“Unlucky for you I am HR and upper management all rolled into one. So you can complain all you want but it won’t get you anywhere.”

Axel’s lips drew into a tight thin line. He blew harshly out of his nose and undid his pants while he moped. 

Roxas felt a little bit bad. Axel was probably not used to losing so catastrophically. But it didn't wash the grin off Roxas’ face. He did however reach out and stroke Axel’s cheek. “I’ll watch. I’ll watch it all. I know how much you like me looking at you,” Roxas breathed with tenderness.

It drew green eyes onto himself and a small smile flashed on Axel’s lips. Roxas’ insides relaxed a little at seeing Axel be ok.

“Can I make one request?” Axel spoke timidly.

“Depends on what it is,” Roxas ventured cautiously.

“Will you get me started?”

Roxas beamed. He slid off the table and was about to straddle Axel but the man stopped him, pressing hand firmly against Roxas’ chest. 

A flash of panic rose. Axel hadn't meant ‘ _with his mouth_ ’, right? Roxas wasn’t ready for that.

Axel pointed to the door, and Roxas followed the finger. He relaxed and quickly walked over, slathering his hand in lubricant from the dispenser in the corner, and quickly returned, sitting himself atop of Axel. Their lips locked. Roxas’ hand clasped Axel’s somewhat flaccid penis and began gently pumping him. He squeezed and thumbed. Slow and steady. He massaged and rubbed. Building momentum. Roxas licked Axel's sandpapery jaw and placed firm kisses against his neck.

Axel began moaning as Roxas rubbed at exposed nipples. Warm hands worked underneath Roxas’ shirts. Axel seemed to be enjoying himself and his erection was certainly firming up nicely. After a while one of Axel’s hands tried to work their way into Roxas’ pants. Roxas took that as his cue to pull away and leave Axel to do as Roxas had told him to do earlier. 

Axel whined, “Don’t leave.”

“Your Big Boss has told you what you need to do. Now _do it_.” Roxas sat himself back on top of the table, wiping his hand clean on one of his shirts.

Axel pouted again, but did what he was told.

Roxas’ eyes trained on Axel. He watched the way Axel cupped and fondled himself. He watched fingers tugging and massaging his flesh. He watched the way Axel’s bare chest heaved with labored breath, and the way he bit at his lips. He watched how green fire was directed at Roxas, feeding off of being watched. Roxas licked his lips. He sighed a little and felt the familiar stirring of pleasure in his gut.

“Am I making you hard, Roxas?” Axel rasped. Sweat was beginning to bead on his brow.

“Roxas isn’t here. It’s Big Boss.”

“Am I making you hard, Big Boss? Is this turning you on?”

It was. But Roxas tried to compose himself and remained steely eyed. “You're gonna have to try harder.”

Axel huffed in amusement. He kept pumping himself. He kept moaning and wetting his lips. The way pre-come oozed out of Axel made Roxas want to touch him. He wanted to press his fingers against it. Push his… tongue...

“Are you - imagining me touching you like this instead? Would you - like me to touch you?” Axel labored.

Roxas’ heart thumped with desire. His brow knitted. He stifled a moan as his own shaft throbbed lightly in response to Axel's words. Axel exhaled a shaky breath at reading Roxas’ non-verbal queues.

Roxas felt brave. He felt hot and desirable. “Go faster, Axel. Fuck yourself like you do when you think about me, but I’m not around.”

Axel’s hips bucked at Roxas’ words. “Mmm, you’re such a dirty little cin-” Axel stopped himself from saying the word. He laughed low in his chest, throwing his head back and moaned as he continued to get himself off.

“Moan louder for me, Axel,” Roxas urged.

Axel did. Roxas’ words seemed to be having an amazing effect on the other man. Roxas had found his own secret weapon. “Does it feel good?”

“Yeah,” Axel groaned.

“Do you wish you could be inside of me?”

“Yeah.”

“Are you imagining it right now?”

“Yeah.”

“Look at me, Axel,” Roxas coaxed after a few more moments of listening to Axel’s lusty sounds. Axel did, and his mouth hung open as he caught sight of Roxas’ erection, which Roxas had freed from his jeans and stroking himself lightly while Axel had been gazing up at the ceiling.

“Fuuuu-” Axel’s hand flew off his erection. He leaned forward and buried his head in his hands.

“I didn’t say _‘stop_ ’,” Roxas chastised.

“ _Cinnabun_. Fuck!”

Roxas grinned.

Axel breathed heavily for a while.

“Three down, none to go. Whoever comes now is the loser,” Roxas stated in self satisfaction.

Axel threw himself back into the chair and gazed up at the ceiling. “Alright. Man… you're getting good at this, Roxas.”

“Thanks. Don’t underestimate me in the future.”

“I promise, I will never do such a thing again.” Axel pulled himself together, tucking himself back in, and got up after a few more moments of just breathing.

“Can I propose a different scenario now?” Axel labored.

Roxas slid off the table and closed his fly. “Sure.”

“We go for Day mode. And you’re my precious sunflower who comes into the office to bring me lunch, because I forgot it at home.”

There was undeniable buzzing in Roxas’ body. The implications were honey sweet. They almost choked him. “So we live together?”

Axel nodded.

Roxas’ insides fluttered. He loved that idea. “Cool.”

Axel’s smile brightened. He grabbed Roxas’ hand, pulling him out of the office. As the door closed behind them Axel whirled around, cupped Roxas’ chin and kissed him with great ferocity, leaving a moist layer of lubricant behind. Roxas brushed his tongue against Axel’s lips and nipped at him.

Axel pulled back, still breathing with some difficulty. “All right Roxas. I’ll see you in a bit. Don’t forget my lunch, or I’m gonna have to punish you.”

“No worries, honey. You can count on me.” Roxas left a peck on Axel’s cheek before they parted. Axel headed to his cubicle, and Roxas made his way to the main hall to find the light switch.

While he went, he rubbed at his face and breathed deep, trying to calm himself. He didn’t want to be the loser. But he also really wanted to come. Either way though, he was having an absolute blast. Who would have thought this would be such ridiculous fun? Why had Roxas kept himself from doing this for so long? Well, it was probably because he was never comfortable enough with himself or Axel before now.

He found his way back to the main hallway and found the lightswitch. “Power on!” he shouted in warning and flipped the switch.

“ _Ah fuck!_ ” Axel yelled from somewhere within the maze of cubicles. 

“I did warn you,” Roxas shouted back into the void while he shielded himself from the bright lights. 

“ _You didn’t even give me enough time to blink!”_ Axel’s protest rang out.

“You need faster reflexes, old man,” Roxas laughed.

“ _Can’t beat you in that regard, Mr. Less-Than-One-minute,_ ” Axel jeered from across the room.

“Don’t forget who just lost that last round, _Hotstuff_. I’m gonna make you lose, so stop gloating.”

Axel’s overjoyed laugh emanated from within the cubicle forest, followed by a, “ _Well come over here already and prove it!”_

Roxas did. He moved back into the office space, his eyes no longer stinging from the shift between dark and light. The spacious room he entered had now transformed. Where before it had been quiet, it now hummed with the pre-recorded sounds of office life. Keyboards tapping. Computers buzzing. Phones ringing. Murmuring conversations. Photocopiers printing.

It was all too familiar to Roxas. He felt like this space _was_ inhabited with unseen people. It was unnerving and thrilling. He slowly began making his way towards where he remembered Axel’s temporary cubicle to be. 

He thought about this scenario. He thought about living with Axel. Sharing a space and a bed with him. Every day. He thought of them coming home to be together every afternoon. He thought of Axel’s words, earlier that evening. ‘ _All you gotta do is ask, and I’m yours_ ’. Had Axel meant that? Had it been a joke? Had it been Mr. Hotstuff just seducing him? Or had it been Axel, genuine and sincere? 

He shook his head clear of thoughts. He wasn’t going to find answers to any of these things. Instead he thought of how he actually had no lunch to bring Axel right now, but then a stupid idea dawned. He grinned and walked on with energy.

Roxas could hear Axel’s rumbling voice humming and singing to himself the closer he got to Axel’s location. 

**♪** _... generous … warm_  
**♪** _… build me up … steps_  
**♪** _Eyes innocent and wild_  
**♪** _Remind me what it's like_

Axel was always humming and singing to himself when he was relaxed. In the bath, on the bed. It was nice. It always made Roxas think back on their second meeting. It always made him smile with great fondness.

**♪** _… could easily lose my mind_  
**♪** _The way you kiss me will work each time_  
**♪** _Pulling … into the flames_  
**♪** _… burning up again_  
**♪** _I'm burning up_

Roxas rounded the corner and stepped into Axel’s cubicle, where the man was reclining, gazing up at the ceiling, seemingly lost in thought, still humming.

**♪** _And I... **(1)**_

“Hey _Martha_ ,” Roxas greeted.

Axel snorted with laughter and swiveled around. “Hey Roxanalatos.”

“Dude, we’ve been living together for ten years and you _still_ get my name wrong? It’s Roxanal- **O-** tos. Roxanalotos von Pemblebrook.”

“That is _not_ your name, Roxas. I know the name of the man I married. I know the name I took. It’s ‘von _Pebble_ brook’. Geez. Don’t yell at me when you don’t even know your own name.” Axel’s arms folded over his chest.

The words shot and lodged straight into Roxas’ heart. He didn’t know if he liked or hated playing this game anymore. He shook his head. He brushed it aside. They were just having fun. No judgement.

“Whatever. I came here to bring you your lunch.”

“Oh what? I forgot it _again?_ ” Axel slapped the palm of his hand against his forehead.

“Yeah. You’re such a pee-brain,” Roxas entered further into the cubicle and stood before Axel.

“I’m only so forgetful because I get no sleep. You’re such a bed hog.”

“I don’t hog anything. Except for your body,” Roxas retorted.

Axel rolled his chair closer so that Roxas was between his legs. “Which is exactly why I get no sleep,” Axel rumbled and slung arms around Roxas’ hips. Green eyes looked up at Roxas, and then Axel nuzzled into Roxas’ stomach after a few heartbeats.

Roxas wished their life could be like this for real. He draped arms over Axel’s shoulders and threaded fingers through red mane. Axel’s hair had grown out a fair bit since they had first met. It was almost sitting past his shoulder blades now. Roxas liked it.

“So where’s my lunch, Roxas?” Axel asked, muffling against Roxas as he dug his nose underneath clothes and poked his tongue into Roxas’ bellybutton.

Roxas squeaked a little and pulled away slightly. “Don’t do that!”

“But I’m _hungry_. Where’s my food?” Axel looked up plaintively.

“Oh… er… It’s right here,” Roxas reached down past Axel and cupped his own groin.

“Oh my God, Roxas. How did you know that _that’s_ my favorite?”

“You should know the answer to that. We’ve been together for ten years. Married for fifteen. You’d _hope_ I’d know some shit about you, right?”

Axel laughed and pulled at the front of Roxas’ hoodie until their faces were almost level.

“Were we an arranged marriage? I need to get this stuff memorized.”

“You really do. It’s like living with an Alzheimer patient some days.” Roxas sighed and planted a kiss on Axel’s forehead. “You lost a bet to me, remember?”

“That doesn’t sound like me,” Axel disputed.

“Well… I think you lost it to me on purpose.” Roxas’ heart was in his throat.

“Ahh, now that _does_ sound like me.” Axel’s hand traveled up Roxas’ back and pushed Roxas closer towards himself. They kissed. Roxas slung his arms around Axel’s shoulders once more and climbed up on the chair to straddle him. Axel’s hands slid down and kneaded Roxas’ clothed backside. 

Being above Axel felt so good. Roxas kissed him deeply, sliding his tongue in as far as he could.

All of a sudden though their positions shifted. Axel stood up and Roxas was left desperately clinging to him. 

“It’s time for lunch. Let me just set the table.” Axel took two steps towards the desk and used his free arm to throw all the fake crap off.

“Oh no. Martha! Your beautiful plaque!” Roxas cried in dismay.

“You know _Martha_ is my mom’s name, right? And she’s been dead for forty years. I keep that plaque on my desk to remind me of what a despicable woman she was and how she was never there for me. Not even for my birth. It’s like you don’t know me at all. And here you’re calling _me_ forgetful. Far out, Roxas.” 

“Sorry, I only remember important information - like where I keep my keys and where to touch you.” Roxas clung to Axel's neck with one arm while he shoved his other hand into Axel's open shirt. He felt the goosebumps his touch was leaving behind, trailing down Axel's side and over ribs. 

Axel's eyelids threatened to close. He bit his lip and hummed in pleasure. “All right,” Axel murmured in a low timbre. “I forgive you.”

He then proceeded to throw the giggling sack that was Roxas, down onto the empty desk. Hands slid underneath shirts and pulled at layers. Axel tugged hard to get them all off and over Roxas’ head. Roxas still giggled.

Axel shrugged out of his blazer and shirt. The motion stilled Roxas’ laughter. Axel stood still for a moment, letting Roxas drink up the sight. Which he readily did. Roxas watched Axel’s hands trail down his chest and abdomen. Axel teased his button and zipper open and pants slid down his silken boxers and skinny legs. 

Roxas chuckled at the cartoony stylized cinnamon rolls and danishes which decorated Axel’s undergarment. Axel stood erect and proud, smiling in satisfaction before he peeled the boxers off. He stepped out of his clothes and grabbed at Roxas’ hips, pulling Roxas towards himself.

Roxas yelped a little and propped himself up as he watched Axel undo his jeans. Kisses landed on his hips and abdomen. Tongue ran over Roxas’ fine hairs. Pants and briefs were tugged at. Roxas helped Axel by lifting his hips and Axel slid everything off, including Roxas’ socks and shoes.

Roxas shuffled backwards, making way for Axel to climb onto the desk with him. “This things gonna hold our weight, right?” Roxas threw a wary eye over the edge.”

“I’m pretty sure we’re not the first to have fucked on these desks. So we’ll be fine.” Axel’s mouth travelled over Roxas’ collarbone and up his neck. He gently pushed Roxas down against the wooden surface. Hands trailed gently, inducing pleasant shivers inside of Roxas. Axel’s knees and legs pressed against Roxas’ hips and thighs, as he hovered above, surveying Roxas.

“You want anything for lunch, Roxas?”

The question hung thick. Roxas’ eyes fell down between their bodies. He could see Axel’s quite hard arousal protruding and almost touching Roxas’ own erection. Previous thoughts of licking him flittered to Roxas’ mind. 

Now that the offer was made though… “I’ve already eaten. I’m good.”

“Alright, more for me then,” Axel responded, grinning without hesitation. He descended upon Roxas. He licked, nibbled and sucked his way down from Roxas’ lips to his erection, being careful not to fall off the edge of the small desk.

Roxas had to scooch up a bit. He propped himself onto elbows and watched Axel busying himself with very expertly placed licks and sucks. Roxas tried his best to keep his moaning down, wanting to fit in with the office theme as best he could.

“Be louder for me, Roxas.”

“No.”

“I need the girls in accounting to hear.”

“No,” Roxas whimpered as Axel’s fingers rubbed and grazed over Roxas’ cold body. Slews of pleasure erupted.

“Mmm, well if you're gonna be stubborn then let me see what I can do.” Axel left a tender kiss on top of Roxas’ weeping head and then turned his attention towards Roxas’ elbow. He pulled Roxas’ arm towards himself and ran his tongue over the sweet spot, gently nibbling.

Roxas squirmed as crazy shivers tingled down his spine. His hips pushed up, drawing Axel's attention away from the crook of Roxas arm and back down to his erection.

Axel cupped Roxas, massaging his scrotum and running finger lightly down towards Roxas’ sphincter. He released Roxas’ arm and gave his full attention to Roxas’ erection. Mouth enveloped and sucked, almost making Roxas forget all about Axel's gentle downward probing finger. It pushed ever so lightly. Roxas felt himself clench up against it. Fingers abruptly drifted back towards Roxas’ erection where they began massaging the base of his shaft. 

A heady feeling began washing over Roxas. He had been so painfully close to release so many times already tonight. He was spent and exhausted… but he still didn't want to lose.

“Axel…”

Axel pulled off Roxas for a moment, “We're all out of cinnabuns, Roxas. Give it up already.”

“Never,” he growled. 

Warmth enveloped Roxas head once more. It forced out a groan, but he collected himself again. “Come lie the other way, with your cock in my face.”

That drew Axel's attention immediately. But he sounded suspicious, “Why?”

“How thick are you? Because I want to make you come. Why else?”

Axel quickly repositioned himself. It was comical by which speed Axel managed to pull it off with. Roxas had to duck as legs went flying over his head. Axel came to rest hovering above Roxas - crotch in his face.

Roxas had never seen Axel from this angle before. It felt intimidating and somewhat claustrophobic as well. Fiery hair and hard flesh was positioned above his head.

Roxas gulped.

Axel’s upside down face appeared as he looked down and back at Roxas. “Mmm, you’re such a spicy ingenious fuck, Roxas. Sixty-nining is way more convenient.” And with that Axel’s face vanished from Roxas’ sight. He was greeted with watching Axel’s chin and throat as Axel started sucking on Roxas once more.

Roxas hissed and squeezed his eyes shut. He pushed his hips up into that phenomenal heat. A pleasurable sound drew out of his lungs. But Roxas shook himself out of it. This was still very much anyone’s game.

Roxas lifted his arm and began touching Axel. He ran his fingers over Axel’s sack and up his shaft to the tip of his head. Pre-come was beginning to bead and gather. Axel was still somewhat slickened up from the lubricant in the boss’ office. It made Roxas’ hand glide over smoothly as he began to pump him.

It was hard not focusing on the amazing heat and pressure building in his groin. But Roxas tried to think rationally. How was he gonna win this thing? How could he be spicy enough for Axel to lose enough composure and come first? Surely Axel would be so used to Roxas’ cold hands on his shaft by now that he wouldn’t be so turned on by this motion. Roxas needed to think of something else. Something he was _comfortable_ with doing. He still didn’t want to give a blowjob, even though that would surely be the most feasible thing to be doing in a situation like this. If he didn’t he would be covered in…

Now there was an idea.

Roxas snaked his free arm up and around Axel’s hips, pushing him down closer to himself. Axel’s delightfully flicking tongue stopped and Roxas was thankfully released from the heat of Axel’s mouth.

That upsidedown face appeared again.

Good, Roxas needed Axel to see this. He stretched his tongue out and licked the underside of Axel’s scrotum. He ran his tongue all over that sack and hummed in delight.

Axel moaned.

Roxas opened his mouth wide. He pushed Axel’s hips down further and engulfed Axel’s sack with his whole mouth, carefully running his tongue over and between both testicles.

“Oh my God, Roxas,” Axel hissed, “What are you…” His voice failed him as Roxas resumed his stroking and thumbing of Axel’s erection.

Roxas could feel Axel twitching under his graze. He thought he could feel Axel’s testicles drawing up a little. He pulled away from Axel’s scrotum and licked his lips. Axel was still looking at him, eyes half lidded and chest heaving.

Roxas ran his thumb firmly over Axel’s slit and then moved his finger towards his lips. Axel shifted, leaning to one side and looking back past his own body at Roxas the right way up. Axel’s lip was caught between his teeth. His brows knitted in anticipating pleasure.

Oh yeah, Axel was totally in Roxas’ hands right now. Roxas slowly pushed his thumb against his lips and licked. “Mmm,” Roxas moaned and stuck his thumb all the way into his mouth.

Axel’s mouth drifted open while he watched Roxas. He couldn't seem to peel his eyes away. Axel’s hand clumsily found its way onto Roxas’ erection, finally remembering that he had a job to do. But his eyes were still firmly glued on Roxas.

Roxas slowly removed his thumb from his mouth and gave Axel a small, almost angelic smile, fluttering his eyelashes at him. Axel exhaled sharply. Roxas saw the shiver that ran through him. Roxas felt incredibly hot and turned on at what he was able to do to Axel. He felt brave.

Roxas returned his hand to Axel's erection, tilting it down towards himself. Axel's hand movements stilled. His eyes and mouth widened. Roxas opened up and slowly extended his tongue. He pushed against Axel's weeping slit. It was warm, smooth and tasted salty.

“Oh fucking hell, Roxas,” Axel hissed out his name again.

Roxas rubbed against Axel gently yet firmly. Axel's eyes squeezed shut with enjoyment and his grip tightened around Roxas’ erection, though his hand remained motionless.

Roxas pulled away but his hand stayed. He began pumping Axel. “I want you to come all over me, Axel,” Roxas said through the lump in his throat, making his voice sound far more husky.

Axel groaned, almost helplessly. Roxas kept pumping. Axel seemed completely lost. He was just staring at Roxas and breathing hard. Roxas was so incredibly turned on. He actually wanted the friction to return, so he buckled his hips gently, stirring Axel out of his lust bubble. Axel mildly shook his head, blinked a few times and returned his mouth to suck on Roxas.

Roxas’ stomach clenched in delight and noises filtered out of his throat. He cupped Axel with his other hand while he kept stroking, pumping and gently flicking. Axel's discharge began dripping onto Roxas’ lips and chin, but he didn't care. All he felt were the flutters in his stomach and the tightening buzzing in his penis.

Both men grew sweaty. Roxas’ release was edging closer, but he didn't want to lose. He began muttering Axel's name softly. Axel's erection pulsed every time. Roxas felt Axel’s scrotum beginning to tighten and draw up. Roxas felt so satisfied. He trailed the hand which had been cupping Axel’s sack over Axel’s lower abdomen, around his back and over his buttock.

“Axel,” Roxas breathed. “I'm so close. Come on me, please,” he begged as he pumped fast and shallow, brushing over that swollen and slickened head.

Roxas’ cock was deep in Axel's throat. The vibrations from Axel's hum of confirmation and pleasure tipped Roxas over. His stomach spammed, his grip on Axel tightened and he rubbed Axel's slit furiously. 

Warmth spread all through Roxas. He groaned and pushed himself up into Axel’s mouth. Roxas’ orgasm pulsated. Axel’s shaft throbbed hard. Hot liquid sputtered. 

From both of them.

Axel quaked above Roxas as his climax squirted out in pulses, oozing and settling on Roxas’ upper chest. Roxas’ grip on Axel stilled completely. His hand tightened like a vice as he rode out his own pleasure. Axel swallowed Roxas down. The gulping action from Axel’s throat felt so good against Roxas’ shaft. It made him want to never stop coming. But of course he did, and Axel released him once there was nothing left to swallow.

Both men huffed and puffed from exhaustion.

Axel pulled off Roxas and moved to the side, resting his back against the cubicles wall. He draped a leg over Roxas's abdomen and tucked the other against his own chest. 

Roxas lay, staring at the ceiling through unseeing eyes, hands resting on the crown of his head. 

Axel looked at Roxas in spent satisfaction. He looked at the mess he had left on Roxas’ chest and bit his lip. “Sorry about the mess, Roxas. I should have - put a condom on,” he rasped and ran a finger over Roxas’ chest and through the semen.

Roxas trained his eyes on Axel, and panted, “Well - if you had done that - then - you couldn't have - come all over me,” Roxas brushed of with a tired chuckle.

Axel's chest shook with amusement. “True.”

He leaned over and hovered above Roxas’ face, gazing lovingly down at him.

“Do you like - coming on me?” Roxas rasped.

“Mmm…” Axel looked over Roxas’ chest. “I think the question - should be - do you like it - instead?”

Roxas shrugged.

“Well then, I can - take it - or leave it. I like having you be clean,” Axel dismissed.

Roxas smiled at Axel. He leaned up, joining their lips together. Axel pushed his tongue against Roxas’ lips and Roxas opened up so they could wrestle against each other. They kissed and kissed, until they needed air and pulled apart again.

“So who's the loser?” Roxas asked, still breathing heavily.

“Mmm… Unless we can - find an action replay - I think we're gonna - have to settled for a tie.”

Roxas shivered with delight. They really _had_ come together. It had been incredible.

“You satisfied with a tie?” Roxas sighed.

Axel hummed, brushing Roxas’ bangs aside. “I am _very_ satisfied, Roxas. - Thank you,” he placed a light kiss on Roxas’ lips and smiled.

The affection grew a lump in Roxas’ throat and made his stomach clench weakly.

“But I - will demand a rematch - in the future,” Axel chuckled, still quite breathless. 

* * *

 

Roxas was exhausted and spent. He lay on the desk while Axel had gone to find something to clean Roxas up with. Roxas couldn't bring himself to think. He just wanted to sleep and ended up dozing off.

The next thing he noticed was that something damp was sweeping across his chest. Axel hummed and quietly sang to himself. He seemed to be in a good mood. Roxas supposed it wasn't hard to know why.

**♪** _You don't have to feel like a wasted space_  
**♪** _You're original, cannot be replaced_  
**♪** _If you only knew what the future holds_  
**♪** _After a hurricane comes a rainbow_

**♪** _Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed_  
**♪** _So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road_  
**♪** _Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow_  
**♪** _And when it's time you'll know_

Roxas’ eyes drifted open. A smile spread at the sight of Axel's face hovering before him, looking down towards Roxas’ chest in heavy concentration.

**♪** _And baby, you're my firework_  
**♪** _Come on, let your colors burst_  
**♪** _Make 'em go, "Aah, aah, aah"_  
**♪** _You're gonna leave 'em all in awe, awe, awe_

Axel’s eyes weren’t drawn up to meet Roxas’. He continued to sing to himself, while Roxas lay there barely moving under Axel's care, pretending to be asleep. 

**♪** _Boom, boom, boom_  
**♪** _Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon_  
**♪** _It's always been inside of you, you, you_  
**♪** _And now it's time to let it through-ough-ough_

Axel wiped him down. His chest, his face - his groin. Axel started moaning, inserting far more lewd sounds into his singing.

**♪** _Cause, baby, you're my firework_  
**♪** _Come on, show 'em what you're worth_  
**♪** _Make 'em go, "Aaaahhh, aaaahhhh, aaaahhhhh"_  
**♪** _As you shoot across the sky-y-y_

**♪** _Baby, you're my firework_  
**♪** _Come on, let your colors burst_  
**♪** _Make 'em go, "Aaaahhhhh, aaaaaaahhhhh, aaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh"_  
**♪** _You're gonna leave 'em all in aaaaaaawe, aaaaaaawe, aaaaaawe_ **(2)**

He gave Roxas a gentle squeeze and tug, which caused Roxas to giggle lightly.

“I knew you weren't asleep,” Axel's delighted voice sounded from somewhere near Roxas’ feet.

“Just dozing,” Roxas spoke with a rather gruff and sleepy voice.

“Well c’mon. It’s time we go. Lots of important things to still do.”

Roxas groaned. It didn’t sound appealing. But he wasn’t given a choice. When Axel had cleaned Roxas up sufficiently he proceeded to dress Roxas with the discarded clothes.

“Make sure you do it right this time,” Roxas chuckled.

Axel did, though he was significantly helped by Roxas lifting his hips up to make getting his underpants and jeans on a lot easier. Roxas leaned against the cubicles wall after his shirts and hoodie had been replaced.

Roxas’ mind grew marginally sharper, though his head still lolled and his eyes were shut. He thought how incredible this whole experience had been. It had been an amazing way to welcome Axel back.

“C’mon Roxas, don’t fall asleep now. We’re so close to the New Year.” Arms went around Roxas’ sides and back. Axel pulled him off the desk and to his feet.

“Keyblade, Axel. Keyblade. I’ve had enough. Just leave me on the desk or floor, I don't mind whichever,” Roxas muttered, attempting to droop and melt to the ground like he was a ragdoll.

“The safeword time limit has expired, Roxas. So give it up,” Axel chuckled, while maintaining his hold on Roxas and keeping him on his feet.

“Key...blade…” Roxas muttered once more, completely relaxing, so Axel had to support his full weight.

He received a nuzzle and kiss on his cheek for apparently being a bit adorable. “Don’t be like this. You’ll miss seeing the fireworks if you stay here.”

“There’s no television in here. Gonna miss it regardless, so might as well just stay put and sleep,” Roxas yawned.

Axel lifted Roxas so his legs straightened out underneath him. Roxas finally stood of his own accord and Axel’s hand clasped onto Roxas’ wrist, tugging him along. “Yeah, that’s why we gotta move so we _can_ see them.”

Roxas followed along, dragging his heels. Axel grabbed all their discarded things, pulled Roxas’ coat tightly around him and exited the wonderfully weird room.

“Central Radiant Garden is too far away. We’ll never make it in time.” Roxas yawned some more as he was pushed into the elevator.

“Lucky for us we aren’t going to where all the crowds are,” Axel asserted.

To Roxas, Axel was speaking in tongues and riddles. His mind was too foggy to think clearly. He just stayed wrapped up in Axel’s arms and went wherever he was lead. The elevator went _up_. But Roxas didn’t care. His head rested against Axel’s chest, and he dozed there lightly.

“All that playing with you really took it out of ya, huh, pumpkin.”

“Watch who you’re calling a pumpkin, beanpole,” Roxas retaliated by muffling into Axel’s chest and thumping a fist against him with no real force behind it.

A gravelly laugh rolled out of Axel and into Roxas. Fingers threaded through Roxas’ hair, making him even more sleepy.

The elevator stopped. The doors chimed to _open,_ and Axel lead the way out. 

They climbed some stairs, and Axel pushed a heavy door open. A strong gust of wind cut through and into Roxas’ very soul, rousing him a little. He shuddered, but warmth clasped around his elbow in another second and pulled him through the doorway.

Roxas found himself on the roof of the hotel. The wind whipped against him fiercely. But there was a clear view of the city, and most importantly of Central Radiant Garden. Axel kept tugging at Roxas, pulling him out further towards the open roof space.

“It’s fucking freezing, Axel. I wanna go back inside,” Roxas whined.

But Axel seemed to be on a mission. He pulled Roxas towards one of the air conditioning exhaust vent units which were in the middle of the roof space. Axel cleared some floor space of the snow and hunkered down, leaning his back against the buzzing vent wall. He pulled Roxas down between his legs. Knees were on either side of Roxas and his back was pulled against Axel’s chest. Axel threw his own coat around Roxas’ front like a blanket.

“Now we wait.”

“We’re gonna freeze to death up here,” Roxas complained.

“Worse ways to die,” Axel chuckled and moments later a contented sigh leaked out of him. Arms slung around Roxas’ waist and chest. Hands stroked and caresses.

Roxas pressed himself towards Axel’s chest, bracing against the cold. Axel was always so warm. It lulled Roxas further into his sleepy drowsy state. It fogged his mind… like he had been drinking too much. But he was probably just drunk on Axel and sex.

Roxas tilted and turned his head back so he could look at Axel. Green eyes smiled down at him.

“Well if I’m gonna die up here I’d like a kiss,” Roxas demanded.

Axel’s smile grew and he leaned down, brushing lips against Roxas’. It was chaste, delicate and fleeting.

“Is that better?”

Roxas nodded and sighed, content and happy. His gaze was still transfixed though. Axel was so stunningly attractive. Almost _too_ attractive.

His arm found its way out from under Axel’s comforting hold and he reached back and up, warming his freezing fingers against Axel’s warm cheek. “Has anyone ever told you how fucking hot you look with those?” Roxas muttered quietly, thumbing over the tattoos which always surprised and excited him, no matter how many times he saw them.

Lips quirked into an amused smile. “Yeah, from time to time.”

“Only from time to time? What's _wrong_ with people? They should tell you _all_ the time.”

Axel's body shook lightly and he huffed out his quiet laughter. “Most people never get to see them.”

Roxas squinted, disbelievingly. “Really? Why?” 

“Yeah, really. They're there for me, that’s why.”

Roxas gave a harder stare, rousing slightly out of his exhaustion. “So… you didn't get them so you could lure people in like a honey trap?”

Axel choked on his own laugh. “Geez, Roxas. What kind of a low opinion you got of me, huh?” he said with a smile. “I definitely didn't. They’re usually not on display for the world to see anyway. And when they are, the allure is just a pleasant side-effect.”

“Seriously?” Roxas pulled himself closer to Axel, turning to face him a little more head on, as if that would somehow help in seeing better and discerning if Axel was being serious or not.

Axel kept laughing. “Why’re you so surprised?”

“I… just always imagine that you parade around like a peacock.”

“Just coz I let you strip me down doesn't mean others get the same privilege.”

Roxas thought the world started spinning a little. His fingers stilled and slipped down, resting on Axel’s breastbone. “Well… thanks, Axel… For, uh - sharing your sexy face with me.”

Axel smirked. “You’re very welcome, you weird cinnamon roll.”

Roxas’ head drooped but a shy smile flourished. “Say… can I ask you something else?”

“Anything.”

“Why did you get them?” Eyes raised a little, giving Axel a cautious look. “If they’re not there to show the world what a sexy beast you are -” 

“Go on, keep flattering me. It’s working,” Axel chuckled. He pulled his coat a little tighter around Roxas’ shoulders as it had been slipping off. Hand ran through hair and massaged Roxas’ scalp.

Roxas leaned into the touch and sighed a little before he continued, “-If you cover them up a lot of the time… well what’s the point?”

“Nosy much, huh.” The smile didn’t leave Axel’s face though. He rubbed behind Roxas’ ear with affection.

“Ah… sorry. You don't have to tell me.”

“I got them as a reminder,” came the casual response.

If Axel truly didn't want to talk about this then he was doing a horrible job of keeping it to himself. He just kept piquing Roxas’ interest. It was certainly waking him up. “A reminder of what?”

Axel rumbled with amusement. “A reminder to always be myself.”

“But you cover them up.” Roxas frowned at himself. Uncomfortable reminders of past tentative conversations accosted him. “Sorry… am I being rude?” he asked cautiously, as an afterthought. Roxas had never quite pried _this_ much into Axel’s life before tonight. He didn’t know how far he could go before he ruined what was left of their evening, but he felt too curious. 

“No, it's fine. I can still be myself under everything. As long as I know who I am I'll be ok. That's the message, and it doesn't matter if people see them or not. It doesn't even matter if people see me or not. I know who I am. That's the important thing.”

‘But… You _do_ want to be seen…” Roxas’ voice dropped as he thought back quite hard on the times where Axel had _told_ him as much. 

“Yeah. Be seen by _you_. Because you always looked down. It was driving me crazy.”

Roxas’ mouth dried up. “In a good way, right?”

“In the _best_ way.” Axel stroked the side of Roxas’ face which was turned away from him. “I lo-.” He grimaced, and his eyes darted, searching for something far beyond their reach. “You make things a lot of fun, Roxas. I really like that.”

Roxas pulled back a little. Everything he was hearing was so new and unexpected. It seemed like weighty, important and quite possibly immensely personal and sacred information. “Axel… .” He was tired and overwhelmed. His gaze fell. Roxas wanted to give an appropriate response but didn’t know what else to say.

“Sorry, Roxas.”

Roxas startled out of his deep thoughts. His eyes flung back up to meet Axel's. “Sorry for what?”

“Bringing the mood down. I think that's what's happened.” He gave an apologetic smile. 

“No. No you didn't. I'm the one who asked so don't be sorry. And… you know… Thanks for telling me.”

“Well… as I said… I trust you.”

“With your darkest secrets,” Roxas murmured.

“And deepest,” Axel intoned solemnly.

And then Axel gave Roxas another deep and dark secret. He gave Roxas that smile which Roxas wanted to believe only ever saw the light of day when Axel looked at him, just like with the tattoos only possibly seeing the light of day when Roxas washed Axel clean. 

Tonight was a weird night. Tonight was so different and alien from how they always were together. Roxas couldn’t pick out the truth from the fiction. Were they roleplaying? ‘ _No judgment. We can be different people._ ’ But despite Roxas telling himself that, his heart was still touched - in so many ways. An uncomfortable feeling welled up inside. A word - A phrase… it sat atop of his throat. He couldn’t let it come out. It would ruin _everything_. 

“I want another kiss, Axel.”

A laugh reverberated through Axel’s chest and into Roxas. Axel pushed their foreheads together and affectionately nuzzled Roxas. He placed kisses on cool cheek and trailed them down to Roxas’ mouth. Warm, soft lips pressed gently. Roxas hummed in satisfied bliss but whimpered a little when it was over.

“I didn’t say stop,” he muttered.

Axel chuckled lightly. “I feel like I lost Roxas and took Big Boss with me out of that office.”

“We are the same. Don’t forget. Big Boss comes out when Roxas is too sleepy and grumpy.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” came the solemn response. Roxas was then squeezed and cuddled like he was Axel’s favorite plush toy.

Roxas smiled and returned his attention back onto the city skyline. Axel's warmth still lingered on his face. It made him smile, but it also highlighted how cold the other parts of his face were. His mind wandered to why they were up there to begin with. “Why’re you so keen to see the fireworks? They’re always the same every year. Just set to a different choreography. And we can’t even hear the music from this distance.”

“Pssht... Who needs music? It just drowns out the awesome sounds the fireworks make. All those pops and bangs. I love the spinners, rising tails and the barrages. But my most, _most_ favorite ones are the falling leaves. Embers floating through the sky. Ahh, Roxas,” Axel squeezed him tight. 

It grew another smile on Roxas’ lips. He loved hearing Axel be passionate about things. “You know a lot about fireworks?”

“Well maybe more than a normal person might. I wanted to be a technician once upon a time.”

“Yeah?”

“Mm-hmm. I love fireworks. They are one of my most favorite things in the world.” Axel gazed out into the sky, smiling to himself. “I remember my family taking me out every year to see them. I’d sit out in the cold, and nothing could peel my eyes off them. Even if I was dead tired, I’d always wake up moments before they started. Mom calls it my sixth sense,” Axel shook with gentle laughter.

“What stopped you from becoming a technician?”

“Mm… I lost sight of myself, and let other people dictate what I should do with my life. Or at least what was more _acceptable_ in regards to a career.” Axel said matter-of-factly.

“My mom and dad always wanted me to become a doctor or lawyer because it was _acceptable_ ,” Roxas muttered with disdain in his voice.

“But instead you chose to get into computing. Good on ya, Roxas. You have my respect.”

Roxas felt himself heat up a little with embarrassment. He threw a glance at Axel. “I didn’t mean for that to come out sounding like I’m better than you or something.”

“I didn’t take it like that, relax, hmm.”

Axel’s smile alleviated Roxas’ anxiety somewhat. He wanted to be encouraging though. “You could still get into fireworks now if you wanted to, right? You don’t have to give up your dream just coz some lame people in your life thought they knew better than you.”

“I suppose that’s true. But I’m quite comfortable with where I’m at right now. And it was probably for the best that life took me in this direction.” Axel squeezed Roxas gently, and pressed a kiss to the side of his head.

But Roxas felt very sad for Axel. “I’m glad you’re content with how things turned out for you. But I still feel sad for you too. If fireworks are your passion you should be allowed to follow it through and see where it takes you.”

“Thanks Roxas. My younger self would probably have been a lot better off if he had known you.”

“Yeah, I’d totally have had your back and would have told all those nay-sayers were to go,” Roxas said with a lot of strength despite his heart pounding like he had run a race. Surely Axel would feel the way Roxas’ whole body vibrated. It only made him more nervous.

“I appreciate the sentiment,” Axel laughed and nuzzled into Roxas’ hair, thankfully not making him feel uncomfortable. 

“You know, I also want to apologize for earlier. Complaining so much. I didn’t realize how important all this is to you. So… sorry for being such a -” 

“Negative Nancy?”

“I was gonna say ‘ _grump’_ ,” Roxas corrected.

“There, there,” Axel patted Roxas’ head. “I don’t expect you to be a mind reader and know everything about me. So it’s all right, Nancy.” Axel teased.

Roxas, forgetting his sympathy, dug an elbow into Axel’s ribs, causing the man to shift and chuckle. Warm arms hugged tighter around Roxas, preventing him from moving or attacking Axel any further. Roxas feigned at an attempt to escaping, struggling lightly. Axel squeezed and nuzzled into his neck.

“Stop pretending that you don’t wanna be up here.”

“Not pretending. I’d rather be in a bed, watching it on TV.”

“What? So you can fall asleep and miss the whole thing?”

“Precisely,” Roxas giggled.

“You can’t fall asleep. Don’t you know that how you spend the first hour of the new year dictates how the rest of your year’s gonna go?”

“You’re getting that all confused, Axel. It’s how you spend your whole day, not the first hour,” Roxas corrected.

“Are you sure about that? I heard it was the first hour.”

“Why would it be the first hour? Most people go to sleep straight after, or are stuck in traffic getting home for an hour. Imagine your whole year being about getting stuck in traffic, or stuck on the subway! I already feel like my life is like that. And I wasn’t even stuck in traffic or commuting last time. But my year _still_ turned out that way.”

“Oh, were you all curled up and tucked into your bed like the cute cinnabun that you are?” Axel sniggered.

Roxas threw him a pouting frown.

“I’ll take that as a ‘ _yes’_ ,” Axel beamed and leaned down to kiss Roxas’ pout away.

Axel was so good at doing that. When he pulled away again Roxas was smiling. “Maybe,” Roxas said with a breathy laugh.

“Well, I always make sure to fill up my first hour with something exciting. Just in case it is the first hour and not the whole day that counts. And it looks like I’m gonna have to come to your rescue again.”

“Huh? My rescue?”

“Yeah. Saving you from another boring year.”

“My year wasn’t that boring. It… was pretty good actually… ,” Roxas muttered shyly.

“Oh yeah?” 

Roxas jumped a little at the low and seductive rumble entering his ear.

“Y-yeah… but it’s got _nothing_ to do with you, so don’t get a big head,” Roxas tried to brush off.

“I can’t help it. You _always_ give me a big head.”

“Oh God. What did I do in a past life to deserve you?” Roxas agonized.

“Whatever it was it must have been pretty spectacular for you to end up with me,” Axel laughed, loud, clear and full of mirth. His thighs and arms squeezed tight around Roxas, pulling him closer towards Axel’s torso. Roxas didn’t resist. He didn’t shut down Axel’s self assured and cocky remark either. He simply revelled in the implied idea of ‘ _ending up with Axel_ ’, and snuggled deeper into the all encompassing warmth. A contented smile settled on Roxas’ face.

Axel left a kiss in Roxas’ hair before continuing, “But anyway, I’ll protect you from even the _possibility_ of having a boring year. I’ll make sure to keep you up for the whole hour. Then your whole year can be filled with incredible sex.”

“What if you give me substandard sex, Axel? Then you’ll have doomed me. Are you willing to curse me to such a terrible fate?” Roxas shifted his head to look at Axel pitifully.

“When have you ever gotten substandard from me, huh?”

Roxas had to think for a moment.

“See, you got nothing. Every time I do you it’s a mind-blow.”

Roxas bit his lip. It was true. An uncomfortable thought suddenly popped into Roxas’ head though. He frowned and turned away to look out over the city

“No, no, no. No frowning, Roxas.” Axel's fingers were on either corner of Roxas’ mouth, pushing his lips up into an awful smile. 

Roxas slapped the hand away, but the smile stayed for a fleeting second, before it fell again.

“C’mon. What did you just think about?” Axel prodded.

“You… sure you want to spend your first hour with me? I’m pretty sure I’m not giving you any mind-blowing anything. I… I haven’t given you a blowjob and we don’t have anal… .” Roxas became uncomfortable with feeling inadequate.

“Are you shitting me right now?” Axel sounded very stern. “Don't you remember me saying that there is so much more than anal?”

Roxas’ eyes were drawn back up towards Axel, and he spoke timidly, “Yeah.” 

“Well then… were you asleep over the last few hours? Was I getting off all by myself in that office? No. You were there, being a fucking wet dream.”

Roxas gulped. His skin prickled but he also felt a toasty warm and pleasurable sensation spread out of the pit of his stomach.

The intimidating hard look in Axel's eyes faded. “You don’t need to let me fuck you up your arse, or give me a blowjob for me to have an amazing time with you. What we just did down there in that room… I haven’t had that much fucking fun in _such_ a long time… if ever.”

Roxas’ heart was pounding a little bit too fiercely. “Really?”

"Yeah. Of course. And even when we’re not in a themed room I _still_ have fun with you. I'd rather have a weird, fun time jerking you off than mind-blowing, but ultimately normal and boring anal with some floozy any day of the week."

Roxas felt a bit gobsmacked and also embarrassed. His cheeks were heating up again. This had been happening too much tonight. What was wrong with Roxas? 

He turned away to look out over the glowing city below. “Well… if you’re sure,” he muttered.

“Completely.”

They sat in silence for a while, allowing Roxas’ thoughts to roll around.

Again… tonight was such a weird night. All the stuff they had talked about tonight… Roxas didn’t know how he was supposed to read Axel. He didn’t even know how he was supposed to read this current situation; spending New Years together - alone on a roof - under the stars. 

It once again was too romantic. It echoed their time around Christmas in the Igloo. It made Roxas hope and wish for things he shouldn’t be dreaming about. Axel was only here with Roxas because he had nothing else going on tonight, right? Right. So Roxas quashed his hopeful flights of fancy down. He relaxed against Axel's body. He breathed deeper and let Axel's warmth seep into his very being.

Exhaustion washed over him once again. “Axel,” Roxas murmured.

“Yeah?”

“Wake me when it starts. I think… I’m gonna… just close my eyes for a moment.”

Axel’s soft laugh reverberated through Roxas, putting a smile on his face. 

“You can count on me.”

Soft kisses landed in his hair and Roxas dozed off.

* * *

Roxas had been lost in sleep. The comforting warm cloud had surrounded him and numbed everything. But a gentle tune drifted to Roxas’ ears, making him aware of the outside world - beyond the cozy cocoon he was nestled in. 

The tune was unfamiliar but nice. It rumbled through his back, and down his whole body.

**♪** _Why…_  
**♪** _… go …_  
**♪** _… … … now_  
**♪** _There's …_

More words started drifting to Roxas’ ears but he was too asleep to connect any meaning to them.

**♪** _And …_  
**♪** _Why … …_  
**♪** _… eager to …_  
**♪** _… please you_

The voice, which coolly whispered, hummed, and sang the words grew familiar. It belonged to Axel. It rose and fell like a gentle tide. Washing in - washing out - constantly washing over Roxas.

**♪** _Hmm -I've got a lot to say_  
**♪** _Mmhmm -scared, that you’re gonna slip away_  
**♪** _And you, you’ve got this wide-eyed gaze_  
**♪** _And a smile, hmm-mm carry through your days_

**♪** _Oh why_  
**♪** _Mmhmm -the easiest way_  
**♪** _To know you’re alive_  
**♪** _And the beauty you heard_  
**♪** _I see him talking with his hands_  
**♪** _Well I don't think he knows_  
**♪** _How he’s changed all my plans_

Warm pressure seared against Roxas’ icy cheek. It was nice. Pleasant. Rubbing, and moving in circles. Roxas awareness grew.

**♪** _Why_  
**♪** _Why you go wasting your youth on me_  
**♪** _You're so beautiful now_  
**♪** _There's so much time left for you now_

**♪** _Well I, I've got a lot to say_  
**♪** _And I'm scared, that you're gonna slip away_  
**♪** _And you, you've got this wide-eyed gaze_  
**♪** _And a smile, that you'll carry through your days_

Warm moist air fell against Roxas’ forehead. It melted the cold. It melted the sleep. Roxas’ limbs felt warm. Axel was still radiating heat out through Roxas’ back.

**♪** _The things that I thought would last_  
**♪** _Well they're fading, they're fading_  
**♪** _The feelings I used to have_  
**♪** _They're changing, they're changing now_

**♪** _Hmm-mhh-mm… **(3)**_

Roxas loved the rumble and timbre of Axel’s voice. He wanted to stay like this with him forever. He breathed in deeply. But a bang sounded off in the distance, announcing the arrival of the new year.

Axel’s humming ceased, and Roxas’ name was gently called against his ear.

“Roxas. C’mon sleepy head.” A kiss was left on his temple and a hand stroked at his cheek firmer than before.

Roxas stirred, stifling a yawn. “S-it starting?” he mumbled, sitting up slightly.

More pops, bangs and whizzes sounded off in the distance. The sky illuminated with bright pinks, yellows and reds. 

Roxas rubbed at his eyes.

Axel hugged him tight, and breathed into his ear, “Yeah. Did you have a good nap?”

“Mhmm, you make an excellent pillow,” Roxas hummed with great appreciation and approval. 

“Glad to be of service.”

Roxas shifted in Axel’s warm embrace, turning his body and head so he could look at Axel more comfortably. The way Axel’s gaze was already transfixed on Roxas stirred cozy warmth. It seeped out from his core, into tips of fingers and toes. Axel took Roxas’ breath away. The way those far off fireworks reflected and lit up his gorgeous face and made his eyes sparkle… Roxas had no words for it.

All he knew was that time felt frozen. Roxas took in every minute detail of Axel’s face. He observed all the little creases around eyes and mouth as Axel’s face grew impossibly soft. That smile he had only seen a handful of times, lit Axel’s face again. It was fragile, possibly even paper thin and brittle, but with an undercurrent as deep and unknowable as an iceberg’s true size. It made Roxas feel weak. It made Roxas feel incredibly cared for. It made Roxas feel like he could so easily stay up there on the roof, in the cold, forever, as long as he had Axel by his side. 

The distant sounds of fireworks exploding brought Roxas back to his present reality. Each pop, whizz, and bang ran through his chest. Or perhaps it was only his heart, alive and dancing to the thrilling excitement and burning passion which only Axel ever ignited within him. 

“Happy New Year, Axel,” Roxas’ voice scratched with sleep and immeasurable fondness.

Roxas’ words chased Axel’s delicate and almost vulnerable expression away. A stronger, more vibrant smile took it’s place on Axel’s lips and radiated outwards, scrunching up his eyes.

“Happy New Year to you too, Roxas.”

Knuckles went under Roxas’ chin. Thumb swept over lips and Roxas’ head was tilted up for a kiss. Both men pressed firmly against one another. Roxas revelled in Axel’s heat. They kissed deep and in leisure, while the night sky illuminated with all the colors of the rainbow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **(1)** \- Song Credit - _[Georgia](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DQMbHNofCzw)_ \- by **Vance Joy**  
>  **(2)** \- Song Credit - _[Firework](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QGJuMBdaqIw)_ \- by **Katy Perry**  
>  **(3)** \- Song Credit - _[Wasted Time](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ztotPvPA-mw)_ \- by **Vance Joy**
> 
> And also... happy birthday to you bloodassoftassilk! Hope you are having a good one :)


	16. A New Comfort Zone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas does things he’s never done before with Axel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nothing can top last weeks chapter... so low expectations while reading this one, ok? :p
> 
> Explicit

New Year's faded into the background of Roxas’ life, but the memory of it remained. It tinted and shaped his forever expanding feelings towards Axel. He felt closer to the man. He had gotten some valuable insight and he also felt like Axel truly cared for him. And after those themed rooms Roxas also felt more liberated to give in to his desires and appetites.

The deep freeze of January didn’t have such a distinct bite to it.

The sight of his mittens brought more joy and warmth to Roxas than he would probably ever be able to put into words. They were special and sacred. They were a piece of Axel which he had given to Roxas.

Roxas liked to imagine that Axel had bought them for a specific purpose. To remind Roxas of Axel whenever they weren't together. He liked to imagine that Axel _had_ wanted to propose that they become boyfriends that time under the Igloo’s alluring lights. That it was a sort of anniversary present.

Maybe Roxas’ reaction to the situation and gift had put Axel off? Maybe Axel had been waiting for Roxas to accept - what might have been - _invitations_? Maybe even the stuff Axel had talked about at New Years had all been true and tentative invitations for Roxas to accept at those points in time?

Roxas sometimes berated himself for all the missed opportunities. All the times he should have had a witty comeback. Some way of disguising his deep yearning truth in a light joke so it could be laughed off if he was completely wrong with how he read Axel. He wished he had said something about it being totally ridiculous that they weren't _already_ boyfriends. Or just to have simply said that, ‘ _No, I don’t think that’s nonsense. It would make ‘perfect’ sense to me, actually._ ’ But Roxas had missed his chance. Bringing it up now felt too awkward.

And sometimes Roxas also thought it was for the best that he hadn’t said anything. Because Roxas couldn’t be 100% certain that it _had_ meant anything. Roxas did enjoy reading too much into things at times. So it had probably been the wise choice to not explore Axel's underlying motivations. Otherwise Roxas could have spent New Year’s Eve and the morning of New Year's Day all alone, because Axel might have fled for the hills.

But his heart liked to whisper idiotic things late at night… or early in the morning. Whispers that maybe Axel came back in time for New Year’s Eve so he could spend it with Roxas. Maybe Axel’s superstitious beliefs had sent him racing back. Maybe he wanted to have Roxas around for the rest of the year. 

Or maybe even longer than that...

Thoughts also rolled around about how Axel might have missed him terribly. Thoughts breezed through that Axel might love nothing better than to sleep with Roxas the whole night through, every night, for the rest of their forevers. Maybe the ‘ _safety_ ’ issue was a red herring?

But Roxas would have to wait and see what happened after the holiday season ended in a few more weeks. The tourists would leave soon and Roxas would have the answer to his wonderment.

Right now Roxas chose to focus on being with Axel though. He let himself be completely swallowed up in the lust and wanting for the other man. It seeped out beyond the confines of the hotel rooms. Especially during afternoon commutes.

Subway rides were spent staring at Axel’s crotch, and sometimes Roxas swore he saw Axel getting hard under his fantasizing gaze.

When the train bumped, or when people got on and off, Axel always pushed himself firmly against Roxas’ seated form. Even when there was no one wanting to get past. And sometimes Roxas pushed right back. He felt daring enough to even start leaving a kiss or a lick on slightly exposed skin when he thought no one was watching.

It got Roxas really hot. Memories of New Year’s flashed whenever he did that to Axel, because after the fireworks had ended Roxas had agreed to going to a train themed room in the same building.

Axel hadn’t let him pay for that one either. He also had flat out refused to have an argument about it because he wasn’t prepared to doom himself or Roxas to a year filled with bickering. 

“ _Alright, but I’m only agreeing to this out of respect for you and your crazy superstitious belief,_ ” Roxas had eventually relented.

Axel had sighed and slumped with relief, and gently cooed, “ _Thank you, Roxas. You’re so good to me._ ”

So after that they had entered their second themed room for that night. It had been quite an elaborate set up, and quite different from the previous train themed room he had once seen.

The space had been crammed with unnerving dolls, like the office boardroom. There had been commuter noise and it had felt really claustrophobic… just like the real deal. Axel had sat down on the little bench, reversing their roles. Roxas had pressed himself firmly against Axel and had moaned at the way Axel fondled him. Carefully. Discreetly.

It had been disturbing to note the degree of skill and finesse Axel seemed to possess when it came to doing that kind of activity. So much so that it had been really erotic.

The fake sounds all around Roxas had drifted away. He hadn’t even paid any attention to the simulated motion of the ‘train’. No, all there had been was Axel, slowly unzipping him and burying his face in Roxas’ crotch. Sucking him down. Roxas had held on tight to the overhead metal rod. He had pushed Axel’s head almost violently against himself when he came. The way Axel had wrapped his arms around Roxas’ hips, and held him close while he had swallowed everything that Roxas could give had actually caused stinging tears to flow out of Roxas.

And then they had found themselves a normal room, and Axel had _actually finally_ let Roxas pay for something. They had spent the whole night together, because as usual there had been no way Axel would let Roxas go home alone, especially not on that particular night. Not that Roxas was ever bothered by it. He was glad every time Axel insisted on him staying.

Thoughts had started swirling around Roxas’ head, even before Christmas ever happened. Thoughts around inviting Axel over. ‘ _You say you don’t want me going home alone. Well… why don’t you come with me?’_ Some days Roxas was _really_ close to saying it too. But he always chickened out.

He was always and forever working at making sure that not much changed between them. On the outside at least. Inside Roxas was completely different. But maybe Roxas was kidding himself… because even on the outside things had changed. The sleeping together, for one. How comfortable and relaxed Roxas was with Axel was another.

His desires were also one more thing to add to the list of things that had changed. Where before he kept it hidden Roxas now let his passion for Axel burn like a wildfire. He wasn’t afraid of showing it, as long as it remained disguised in the form of non-committal lust and pleasure seeking. Because that was safe. That would guarantee Axel sticking around. 

When Axel licked and sucked on him, Roxas’ mind went crazy with want. It was always the heat that got Roxas the most. He wanted to be swallowed up and absorbed into Axel’s blood stream, to linger in that warmth for an eternity. Roxas loved everything that Axel gave him. But he had to admit to himself that the blowjobs were by far the best. 

Axel never asked for any in return so Roxas had always abstained. He sometimes lost a bit of sleep thinking about all their past conversations. Axel claimed he was ok with how things stood between them. But Roxas had _seen_ the way Axel had looked at him that evening in the office room when Roxas had been underneath him, licking at him. Axel had come in a completely different and more self satisfied way. Roxas wanted to give Axel more joy like that.

Roxas also thought of the conversation with Ventus about not being so stubborn and giving Axel what he wanted in some vain hope of growing something between them. He was desperate for Axel’s feelings to grow for himself. 

Roxas’ feelings had already bloomed into a fully fledged redwood of a tree. Endlessly tall, reaching up into the sky. But for Axel? Roxas didn’t know. Maybe they had… maybe they hadn’t. New Years Eve only left Roxas more confused in some regards. He couldn’t really ask either because fear kept him from coming out to Axel about his feelings. Roxas tried convincing himself that he _didn’t need to know_. Because what they were doing right now was pretty amazing. Roxas shouldn’t be selfish and greedy. He should just enjoy what they had.

But he couldn’t help himself. He wanted to be selfish and greedy. He wanted Axel all to himself. Roxas grew more resolute around wanting to reciprocate everything that Axel gave him. And not just because he wanted to maybe make Axel fall for him by doing so. 

Roxas thought of their New Year's together, and how much hotter it could have been if Roxas had sucked Axel off. It was supposed to have been _Axel’s_ Christmas present after all. Yeah sure… Roxas _had_ licked him, but the more he thought back on it the more he regretted not having gone all the way. 

Axel really _did_ seem fine with it… but that didn’t stop it from bothering Roxas.

One late afternoon Roxas did finally act on his desires. It had started when Axel was teasing Roxas from afar by washing himself in the shower. 

Roxas drank up the entire sight. Hands were slow and purposeful in their journey down slickened body - teasing himself and muttering Roxas’ name as if on some broken loop. 

Roxas groaned as he watched Axel cup his balls and slide his hand up and down his hardening shaft. He watched carefully as thumb pushed against his slit. Roxas shivered at the way Axel made himself moan in pleasure. 

“I always think of you in the shower, Roxas. Always like this.” 

Roxas was met with a smoldering half lidded gaze and tongue flicked across lips, as if hungry for Roxas.

Roxas’ chest heaved and his veins throbbed. He started touching himself in synch with Axel’s strokes, and Axel knew it. 

“You’re being completely unfair, Roxas. I knew I should have taken you back to those rooms with the see-through bathtubs.”

“No, that would be completely off-putting.”

“No it wouldn’t be. Remember what I told you about me being in the shower and you being over there in the bath? And now it’s come true, even though you _swore_ it would never happen.”

Roxas laughed a little. “Yeah… it seemed like such a perverted thing for you to be saying.”

“I remember you calling me _gross_ ,” Axel laughed. “But now it’s happening. And here we are without me being able to see a thing. My imagination’s not that great, Roxas. Please hop out so I can see how you touch yourself.”

“What makes you think I’m touching myself?”

“I know that way you bite your lip, and the way you squeeze your eyes shut when I run my hand up your cock. I know the way you breathe in when I rub your head. You’re doing it right now.”

Axel was right. Roxas was. He rubbed himself. The shivering sensation in his shaft felt so good.

“Yeah, just like that, Roxas,” Axel moaned. “Let me see. I wanna see you getting off. I want to see _all_ of you. The way you stroke yourself when you think of me. The way you fondle your head the closer you get to blowing your load. Roxas, _please._ I want to see you come.”

“I'm not used to being watched while doing this.”

“There's nothing to worry about. It's only me. The only thing that's gonna happen is that I'm gonna get a bigger hard-on for you,” Axel purred.

Axel's words made Roxas’ stomach vibrate and heat up with deep desire. His pitiful imploration was endearing. So Roxas raised himself slowly out of the tub, with his back to Axel, and sat on the lip. Feet dangled into the hot liquid.

“You tease. Turn around,” Axel bemoaned.

Roxas flashed him a smile before he swung his legs over.

Axel was still stroking himself. Roxas took a moment to savor the sight before joining in. He was tentative at first but with Axel’s encouraging groans of, “Yeah Roxas. That’s so good. Right there. Mmm. Do it harder. Pretend it's me touching you,”Roxas became more turned on and less self conscious _._

This would have been embarrassing for Roxas at some much earlier point in their acquaintance. This would have been embarrassing for himself even in his past relationships. But Axel made it feel alright somehow. Like it wasn’t dirty or shameful. All his mind and body wanted was to get off and to have Axel get off as well.

Roxas’ heart pounded furiously. “Axel… ,” Roxas panted in delight.

“Ye-ah, Roxas?” Axel grunted as he pulled at himself with a little bit more force.

The fact that Axel _wanted_ Roxas was a powerful aphrodisiac. The fact that Axel hadn’t scampered off, never to be seen again, was infinitely enticing. After all, they had gotten each other off so many times already. And yet Axel was still here. That made Roxas want to orgasm even more.

“It - doesn't feel as nice - as when _you_ touch me.”

A guttural groan seeped out of Axel. He slammed an arm against the glass wall of the shower, leaning heavily against it as he pumped himself. “Ah shit, Roxas. I want to see - you make yourself come. Come for me, Roxas. Be a good Cinnabun.”

Roxas’ whole body felt like it was vibrating and throbbing. “… Axel, fuck… I want you.”

Axel answered Roxas’ pleading with his own wanting moan, “ _Roxas_ ”.

Roxas’ eyes squeezed shut from the pressure which was building inside of himself. Axel’s hungry eyes on Roxas, while they were both jacking off was too much to bear. The building tension his hand was creating, coupled with fiery green eyes on him, forced a shudder through his core. 

His pulse quickened. His hand movements grew more chaotic. His cock was so hard. “Axel - I want you - I want you so bad.”

“How?” Axel groaned.

“I wanna be deep in your mouth,” Roxas squeezed out through his immense pleasure.

A rumbling hum came out of Axel. He moaned Roxas’ name the way Roxas really fucking loved. It caused the tightness inside himself to snap. His shaft tingled, throbbed and jerked. He ran the palm of his hand over his slit. His insides clenched and he reached his orgasm with a groan and whimper. Come shot and pumped out, spilling all over his lap, thighs and the tiled floor.

He muttered Axel’s name over and over again as the release washed over him. Roxas felt so weak as the orgasm ebbed. He teetered on the edge of the bath. He could fall back into the tub and happily drown there. The post-orgasm still vaguely pulsed through his body. But he opened his eyes again. 

Breath caught in his throat. Axel was looking at him. That face was turned up in a mix of pleasure and pain. 

“Fuck, Roxas. You’re so fucking hot when you get yourself off,” Axel moaned greedily, still pumping hard. He leaned and pressed heavily against the glass shower wall.

“Thank you for that show. I’m gonna - picture you like that every time I get myself off. So fucking hot,” Axel muttered more to himself than Roxas, probably.

Roxas’ eyes fell on Axel’s erection. So swollen and thick with unfulfilled need.

“Urgh, don’t look at me like that, Roxas. You’re gonna make me come. And I don’t wanna just yet,” Axel muffled into his arm before he buried his head against the propped up limb. “I wanna keep imaging that I’m fucking you.”

That was the moment when Roxas decided.

He slid off the bath, come oozing down his slippery thighs. Still shaky, he walked over to Axel and let himself into the shower. Axel’s attention drew out of his arm and onto Roxas when he opened and closed the squeaky shower door. 

Axel eyed Roxas with wonderment. “Hey Roxas.”

“Hey,” Roxas responded with too much gravel and exhaustion in his voice. He drew close to Axel. Roxas placed a hand on that slippery, wet chest. He trailed a finger down Axel’s body and knelt before him. 

Green eyes widened and Roxas noticed the shift in Axel’s breathing. He grabbed Axel’s hand off his erection, sticking Axel’s fingers into his mouth, one at a time. Roxas licked and sucked on Axel with great restraint. He took his time pushing Axel’s fingers inside himself, rolling his tongue over, and pulling the digit back out, to replace it with the next one.

Axel’s fingers curled inside of Roxas’ mouth. Axel stroked him and ran his tips along Roxas’ lapping tongue. Axel moaned. He pushed his hips towards Roxas in synch with the throbs pulsing through his erection. 

“Oh God, Roxas. You’re so fucking sexy.” 

Roxas released Axel’s hand, and looked up at Axel’s wanting face. Axel’s pale cheeks were delightfully dusted with heat. 

“I’m gonna suck you off, Axel.” Roxas reached out, guiding Axel’s head to his mouth.

“Y-ou don’t… have to,” Axel panted as Roxas gently squeezed his head.

Roxas looked up into Axel’s face as he slowly dragged his tongue over the tip.

Shaky breathing and the sound of prattling water on tiles bounced around the shower stall.

“But I want to.” Roxas rubbed his tongue against Axel’s swollen head with more vigor. He left small sucking kisses on that hot flesh and licked at Axel like he was Roxas’ favorite popsicle.

Axel hissed with pleasure. 

“Mmm, salty… ,” Roxas muffled against Axel’s leaking erection. His eyes drifted up towards Axel’s, which were transfixed on Roxas. “Yet so, _so_ sweet,” Roxas opened up and pushed against Axel’s erection, taking him into his mouth. 

Soft, hot flesh pushed against the roof of his mouth. Roxas rubbed his tongue along the underside of Axel’s thick shaft while he bobbed his head to cause friction against Axel’s slit.

Sounds formed and died in Axel’s throat. Roxas didn’t take his eyes off Axel. He watched Axel's eyes squeeze shut. He felt Axel’s penis twitch with pleasure inside himself as he continued sucking and massaging that searing hardness.

A deep moan flowed out of Axel, and ended in a high pitched but satisfied sigh.

The sensation of having another man's cock in his mouth was alien and strange. But this was Axel's cock. So that made everything alright. Roxas tried different ways of pleasuring Axel. He sucked harder, softer. He ran his tongue around the ridges and pushed against the slit. He pushed Axel’s penis further into his mouth and sucked more on his shaft. He also fondled Axel’s scrotum, just to try and force more moans out of him.

Which it did.

Roxas felt Axel’s hand slide into his hair. Fingers pleasantly stroked, squeezed, tensed, and lightly scratched at his scalp as Roxas drove Axel closer to the edge. Roxas maintained a steady pace, sucking and swirling his tongue against the hard, throbbing flesh between his lips and deep in his mouth.

Axel was all groans and growls. “I wanna be so deep inside you, Roxas. So fucking…”

Axel lost restraint. His hands clamped around Roxas’ head. His hips began thrusting, pumping, and then earnestly fucking Roxas’ mouth with something other than his tongue or fingers. 

The back of Roxas’ head hit the glass shower wall. He gulped and choked against the sharp pain and the way Axel's erection pushed against the back of his throat, causing Roxas to gag and a distinct sting to form behind his eyes.

But Axel took no notice. He merely groaned and moaned in satisfaction and need. Nonsense words filtered of his mouth, as did Roxas’ name. Axel was too lost in fucking Roxas how he had probably imagined and fantasized doing for too many months.

Offended heat boiled up inside of Roxas. He placed hands firmly on grinding hips, and pushed them both under the hot shower spray, forcing Axel out of his mouth. Axel slammed back against the opposite tiled shower wall with some force.

Roxas kept Axel pinned, which seemed to only excite Axel further. He tightened his grip on Roxas and tried to push himself back into Roxas’ mouth. But Roxas evaded. “Do that again and I'll bite your dick off,” he growled with a sharp frown directed up towards Axel.

“Sorry,” Axel breathed and moved one of his hands up to rub at his own head. A self deprecating smile slipped onto his lips. “You just feel so fucking good.” Axel rocked his hips playfully in Roxas’ direction, pushing his tip gently against Roxas’ lips.

“That’s no excuse for hurting me,” Roxas bit back.

Axel’s eyes went wide. “I’m sorry. You ok?”

Anger subsided in the wake of Axel’s sincere concern. Roxas kneaded Axel’s hips. He blinked against the downpour of the shower spray. “Yeah.”

Axel sighed with something that wasn’t just satisfaction and lust. “I’ll behave. Can I have some more?” Axel cooed with charm.

Roxas’ tongue flicked out and tasted the clear liquid oozing out of Axel, causing Axel to shudder and push his hips with great restraint.

“What’s the magic word?”

“Please, Big Boss” Axel groaned. He rubbed fingers behind Roxas’ ear in the way he seemed to know that Roxas enjoyed.

It made him smile. Roxas returned his mouth to Axel’s arousal and sucked him off the way Roxas wanted to suck him off. He grazed teeth along Axel’s throbbing and searing length. Roxas took Axel deeper, egged on by soft moans and fingers gripping and pulling his hair. His tongue rubbed along flesh with more force. Roxas hummed in his throat with pleasure, giving Axel that extra push.

Roxas’ hands slid behind Axel and he kneaded that fine backside. Fingers trailed between the folds of flesh and down to the underside of Axel’s sack to find them tight and high. 

Roxas’ face was cupped and thumbed before hands returned to the side of Roxas’ head. Roxas looked up through the spray at Axel, to find green eyes heavily lidded, looking down at him. There was such an incredible tender smile on lips, despite the insane pleasure which was also clouding those gorgeous eyes. Roxas continued to look up while he pushed Axel’s penis in and out of his mouth, making sure to give Axel a good show.

Roxas drew away completely from Axel’s erection and watched the man’s brow knit in pleading sadness. 

“Axel,” Roxas moaned. He lapped at Axel’s swollen head. He took Axel all the way back into his mouth and throat. Roxas could feel Axel’s shaft buzzing slightly. 

“ _Roxas,”_ Axel muffled with longing.

Roxas hummed, vibrating against Axel’s all too sensitive erection. Axel’s groans tapered out. His stomach clenched. His eyes closed. Roxas continued to suck. Hard. Axel pushed himself deeper into Roxas’ mouth and came, filling Roxas up. 

It was warm, thick and carried a distinct flavor. Roxas swallowed against each pulse. He fought against his gag reflex. He wanted to drink up as much of Axel as possible.

Axel slumped heavily against the wall for support. Hands in Roxas’ hair softened, and slid over his face.

Roxas continued to swallow. He continued to massage Axel’s slowly softening shaft with his tongue, until Axel began to whimper from over-stimulation. Roxas pulled away and opened and closed his mouth, clicking his jaw lightly, trying to loosen the discomfort of having his mouth open too wide for too long. 

Water rained down on Roxas’ upturned face. He loved seeing Axel’s post-climax hazy face. Roxas loved knowing that _he_ put that look on Axel’s face.

Axel’s fingers traced and lingered on Roxas’ lips. He wiped at the come which leaked out of Roxas’ mouth as he had been unable to swallow it all. 

“You - didn’t have to - swallow - if you didn’t want to,” Axel labored but smiled fondly.

Roxas took Axel’s finger into his mouth, sucking a little before speaking, “I wanted to. I… wanna swallow all of it next time.”

Axel trembled and a shaky breath rattled through his exhausted body. “Fuck, Roxas, I -,” Axel stopped in mid sentence. He slid down the wall, and sat on the tiled floor, long legs splayed out to the sides. 

Roxas scooched closer and sat between Axel’s legs, bridging his legs over Axel’s and squeezing Axel’s sides with his knees. Axel pulled Roxas close and warm lips pressed against cooler ones, licking away come and probing the crease of Roxas’ mouth gently.

Roxas pulled away a little, with racing heart. “What is it?” 

“I… N-nothing. You're ok, right Roxas? I didn't hurt you, yeah? I never wanna hurt you," Axel heaved, leaning his head back against the tiled wall and closing his eyes against the shower spray hitting them.

“I'm fine. If I wanted to I would have stopped,” Roxas asserted.

“And bit my dick off too, yeah?" Axel chuckled with exhaustion. He leaned forward a little and his eyes peeled open, taking in Roxas before him with a tired but no less soft smile.

Roxas grinned back. “Exactly. But what is it?" he pressed on, continuing his pursuit. Whatever Axel hadn't said felt important.

"Nothing. You're really good at giving head, Roxas. Why're you so good?" Axel hummed low in his throat with pleasure, whilst rubbing his hands up and down Roxas’ sides, pulling both of them ever so slightly closer. 

"I learned from the best. But c'mon, what is it?"

“The best you say, hmm? Who might that be?" Axel waggled his eyebrows, still avoiding the subject. 

It only made Roxas want to fish it out of him more. "I'll never tell if you don't tell me what I wanna know. Stop deflecting."

Eyes drifted off for a moment. The familiar search for something intangible was conducted, but those eyes turned back onto Roxas… still seeking something. Axel breathed deep. “I just -,” he bit at his lip, gently worrying at it, and stroking Roxas’ cheek softly. “I _love_ -,” another shaky breath rattled Axel’s chest and his eyes squeezed shut, “being inside you,” he finished with great strain.

Roxas swallowed the lump in his throat and cupped Axel’s face, diving in. He kissed Axel, forcing his tongue deep into the other man’s mouth, but also ramming the back of Axel’s head to make audible contact with the tiled shower wall behind.

A muffled pain leaked out of Axel but he kept taking all that Roxas gave. Roxas pulled back a little, nipping at slightly swollen lips.

“Sorry,” Roxas brushed errant strands of red out of the way.

Axel shook his head, “It’s fine. We’re even, yeah?”

“Maybe.”

Axel’s chest shook with silent laughter and warm arms wrapped around Roxas, pulling him up onto Axel’s hips and as close as possible. Roxas clung on tight. He pressed his lips to Axel’s neck, trailing kisses up - onto jaw and cheek. "It's you, you doofus. You're the best I've ever had," Roxas muffled into Axel’s skin, keeping up his end of the bargain.

Delightfully toasty hands ran up and settled at the base of Roxas’ skull, rubbing and scratching. “Ah, see I suspected, but I didn’t want to be so arrogant as to assume,” Axel spoke with a cheeky lilt in his voice.

“As if you didn’t.” Roxas was all smiles and pressed his lips back against Axel’s mouth. He folded and pressed himself as flush against Axel as he could. He wanted to meld and be one with Axel. He wanted Axel inside of himself… so, _so_ badly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know Roxas' uncertainty and self doubt must be frustrating and irritating as hell, but the entire fic's premise hinges on it, so I'm gonna keep hammering it home, ahaha! But you guys won't be suffering for much longer. This fic is slowly _wrapping_ up and I'm pretty sure you can all guess correctly what's _coming_ up very shortly ;)
> 
> So I hope you're looking forward to it :)


	17. Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas takes a big risk and decides to finally let Axel in.

Roxas felt ready and desperate for more.

He luckily had kept the condoms and lubricants which Ventus had so kindly provided him with for Christmas. He purposely left them at home though. It was supposed to be a reminder to himself. Roxas had to man up and invite Axel over if he was going to have that most intimate kind of sex with him. That’s what Roxas told himself.

They were already incredibly intimate with each other. So much touching and gazing. Sucking, licking, kissing and coming. So much peace and tranquility laying together, speaking about shared interests. Of which there were so incredibly many.

Spending time with Axel was bliss. Roxas could genuinely see himself being with Axel for the long haul. But everything they were currently doing didn’t matter. They were forever saying goodbye to each other. They were forever confined to overbearing impersonal hotel rooms. And yes, condoms and lubricant were in abundant supplies at the hotels they went to, but Roxas didn’t want to do the deed with Axel at a hotel.

Hotel rooms felt like a barrier to Roxas. The rooms were a promise that everything they were doing was ‘ _just a bit of fun’_. That it would never amount to anything more. Because Axel wasn’t into _settling down._ He wasn’t into having relationships.

But how long could _fun_ last? How long until _life_ happened and they were both too busy to see each other? How long until Axel _did_ find a _proper_ relationship and would leave Roxas to be with someone else? Because despite Axel seeming quite determined that anything more long term was off the table, Roxas couldn't rule it out completely. Surely Axel would choose someone to spend his life with one day.

Roxas wanted that person to be himself - so incredibly much. 

Pretending to be in a ten year relationship with Axel, like they had during New Year’s Eve, had been so nice. It had also been too painful. Roxas had never felt this way about anyone in his life. Roxas had never considered that he would find someone to make him _this_ happy. And then it actually had happened. So it stood to reason that the same thing would happen for Axel one day.

Roxas was sure that there were an incredible amount of other people in Axel’s life. He also assumed that Axel was still hooking up with other people on the side. How long until one of those people became special to Axel? Some days those thoughts truly upset him. They turned his heart blue and clogged his head up with tears.

Roxas wanted more. Roxas wanted Axel to be _his_.

So that was why Roxas gave himself this one promise he needed to keep. No anal unless he brought Axel over to his home. Because _home_ broke the mold. _Home_ broke ‘ _just a bit of fun’_. _Home_ meant Roxas’ heart. It meant ‘ _I trust you.’_ It meant ‘ _I want you in my life_ ’, and not just in this weird hotel bubble they had constructed around themselves. Roxas needed courage, and he dug deep for it.

One very particular Friday afternoon he waited impatiently for stop number twenty to approach. 

After that assault on Roxas, _Fridays_ had begun meaning long sleep-in’s until Saturday mornings. _Fridays_ meant long, intense and _repeated_ orgasms. _Fridays_ meant _Saturday_ breakfasts in bed, languid shower sex and then eventually heading back out towards the subway station. 

February rolled around and despite the holiday season being long behind them now, they still continued to spend their nights together. Roxas never went home anymore. Even if they had done all their coming and eating and watching of television. They _always_ slept together until the morning and the inevitable departure for work or home.

It pained Roxas to say ‘ _see ya later_ ’. Never more so than on Saturdays though. Saturdays always felt so awkward. Because they had no real reason to leave. There was no rush of needing to clock on at work. So Axel often lingered, and Roxas let him, because there was nothing Roxas truly had to do bar sit in his miserable apartment and find ways to pass the time until Monday rolled around again. Many trains would be missed as they stood down in the subway talking together or teasing each other, and ultimately getting lost in each other’s playful touches. 

It left Roxas with a distinct impression that Axel didn’t truly want to leave. It killed Roxas, because he didn’t want Axel to go either. But Roxas couldn’t tell him to stay - to come over - to go hang out at a cafe/arcade/cinema. So Axel always left. And Roxas never stopped him. 

They always broke it off casually.

“ _Have a good weekend, Axel!_ ”

“ _You know I will. Catch ya later, Roxas!_ ”

No kisses. No lingering, warm farewell hugs. Just a wave and a two fingered salute. And then crushing loneliness and headphones back on his head to drown out the sad monotony of his life.

Roxas felt so sick inside. He wanted - _no_ \- he _needed_ to change things. And change them _drastically_. So he set his resolve that _this_ Friday would be the day to fess up to everything. Because today was special, and he hoped Axel would know it without Roxas having to say a thing.

Roxas had gone crazy the night before tidying up his apartment. He wanted Axel to have a _really_ good impression of Roxas’ life outside of their hotel bubble. Plus it had been a way to keep his nerves at bay.

But once the deep clean had been done, and that funky apartment smell had been abolished, Roxas’ anxieties had flared up again. So Roxas had spent his time making laborious progress on his brothers wedding invitations, in a bid to pass the time.

Ventus had been egging Roxas on to make things with Axel official already. He wanted Roxas to bring him along as his ‘ _plus one_ ’ to the looming spring wedding. That thought had excited Roxas, and also spurred him on with adding some finishing touches to his brothers invites and website. But he had struggled with some typeface choices. Which had resulted in heavy procrastination by getting lost in his thoughts.

They had revolved around Ventus and the things they had talked about in the past. His beloved brother had called him up out of the blue, the day after Roxas had kissed Axel.

“ _Hey, Ven._ ”

“ _So tell me what happened!_ ” he had shouted, without any further greeting whatsoever.

Roxas had laughed, and had proceeded to tell him everything. Roxas had even reluctantly divulged some of what had happened over Christmas and New Years, when Ventus inevitably called several days after those events as well.

“ _I warned you about getting all romantic, didn’t I? Now look at you. All in love -_ ”

“ _I’m ‘not’ in love,_ ” Roxas had denied, though both of them knew the undeniable truth.

Other than that their twin ESP seemed to continue to stay in top form of late. Ventus had called again the day after Roxas had given Axel that blowjob. 

“ _Hey, Ven,_ ” Roxas had answered, a _little_ more warily.

“ _What the hell happened last night, Rox_?” had been the familiar excited shout down the phone line.

 _“I… ah- may or may not have given Axel a blowjob?_ ”

“ _Woohooo!! Way to go, Rox! Taking things to the next level! Alright!_ ”

Roxas had laughed nervously. The memories had made him miss Axel all the more.

“ _What was it like? Did you like it? Did ‘he’ like it?_ ”

“ _I… I like getting him off. And… I definitely made him come, so I’m pretty sure he liked it too._ ”

“ _Oh gross_ ,” Ventus had laughed. “ _Did you spit or swallow?_ ”

“ _Well he keeps swallowing so I didn’t feel I could spit it all out._ ”

“ _Nonsense. You can do whatever you like,_ ” Ventus had reprimanded in brotherly support of Roxas.

Roxas had chuckled and spoke with elated warmth, “ _Axel said the same thing._ ”

“ _Awesome. What a great guy!_ ”

“ _Yeah, he is,_ ” Roxas had said with a lot of affection.

Ventus had sounded really happy through the phone line. “ _Would you do it again?_ ”

“ _In a heartbeat._ ”

“ _I’m sure you’re winning him over, Rox. You guys have fucked around so much and he’s still hanging around. I can’t wait to meet him at the wedding. Because you ‘are’ gonna bring him. Or you will be stuck minding auntie Nina._ ”

Roxas hadn’t appreciated the threat but he did cherish Ventus’ overall support. Knowing his brother was out there, worried about, and rooting for him, gave Roxas some strength. It brought a smile to his lips. 

But Roxas felt physically exhausted as he sat swaying along with the subway train that Friday afternoon. A typhoon of nerves was blowing around his gut as he waited for Axel’s stop.

He tried to calm himself and focused on past conversations he had with his brother. It helped him to stay afloat and not drown in a sea of ultimately baseless anxieties.

“ _You two have been doing your weird hotel thing for like… over six months now. What makes you think this ‘isn’t’ serious?_ ”

“ _It’s all the stuff that’s happened in the past. You know… the stuff with him sleeping around. And us keeping things really casual._ ”

“ _What you guys are doing doesn't sound ‘casual’, Rox. It sounds like you guys are in a relationship. Spending three out of seven nights together? Bringing spare clothes and sleeping all through the night together and going to work together the next morning? Liss thinks that’s really cute by the way. And before you doubt yourself ‘anymore’ than you already do… may I remind you that he bought you a freaking ‘Christmas’ present? So c’mon, Rox! I dare you to tell me that isn’t so incredibly ‘beyond’ just a ‘casual one night stand’. It’s so beyond just ‘fuck-buddies’. It’s the complete opposite!_ ”

_“But he doesn’t want to settle down, Ven. He doesn’t want commitment. He just wants fun.”_

_“I would honestly get you to challenge your assumptions on that. Remember how you felt about him when you guys first started out? Everything you’ve done together has changed how you feel about him. Why wouldn’t the same happen for Axel, huh? You that egotistical to think you’re the only one to ever change their tune?”_

_“It’s different though. I’ve always seen myself as someone to settle down one day. But Axel… Axel hasn’t. He doesn’t. It’s not fair for me to put my own shit and expectations on him. Especially when he’s been so nice to me.”_

_“It’s precisely him being so nice to you that makes me think he feels the same way about you as you do about him. Who spends ‘that’ much money on sweets and rooms? I don’t believe for a second that you’re an incredible lay -”_

_“Hey! I take offense at that!”_

Ventus had laughed, “ _C’mon. Let’s be serious here, Rox. You and I are just average schmucks. No. If Axel is still hanging around then it’s gotta be because of one thing and one thing only._ _Whether you choose to believe it or not is beside the point. You guys have fallen into an actual relationship.”_

Roxas’ heart had fluttered at Ventus’ words. But he had swallowed it down. “ _I can’t think like that, Ven. Axel’s idea of what’s ‘casual’ is probably just really different to mine. Like… what if he does that with everyone else too? I don’t know._ ”

“ _Then ‘ask’ him for crying out loud!_ ”

“ _I can’t_.”

“ _Why the fuck not?_ ”

“ _He might think I’m… getting jealous? Or clingy? And then he’ll run away._ ”

“ _Or maybe he’ll be like - ‘Hey this guy really seems to care about me, while everyone else I hook up with is just in it for the sex. This Roxas guy is really great. I should totes marry him.’ You never know, Rox._ ”

Roxas had snorted with laughter. “ _Yeah, right._ ”

“ _Don’t dismiss my ideas._ ”

“ _I’ll do whatever I like with your ideas._ ”

“ _Whatever, bro. Either way it just sounds like you’re being a giant chicken._ ”

“ _I’m not,_ ” he had barked back defensively.

Ventus had however made clucking sounds through the line, drowning out Roxas’ protests until Roxas had given up with a sigh.

Some compassion had returned to Ventus as he had said, “ _C’mon, Rox. I know you’re not a chicken. That’s why this is so weird. You go and get the things you want, remember? That’s why you left home. That’s why you gave our parents a big symbolic middle finger by following your heart,_ ” he had chuckled.

“ _Yeah,_ ” Roxas had said, weakly. “ _I just - the thought of talking to him about anything more serious… anything about ‘us’ is just…_ ”

“ _What’s the ‘worst’ that could happen?_ ”

“ _He leaves,_ ” Roxas had said flatly.

“ _So what? Then you find someone else._ ”

“ _But what if he…_ ” Roxas hadn’t been able to bring himself to say it.

Ventus had made fake throwing up noises before continuing, “ _Don’t give me that ‘he’s the one’ crap. What’s love done to you, Rox? Turned you into a doe-eyed romantic? You know that’s not how relationships work. You’re not an idealist. You’re a realist. You snap other people out of their shit, so don’t sit in your own._ ”

Roxas had sighed heavily. _“Life can change people, ya know. What if I’ve become a doe-eyed romantic sap? What if Axel makes me feel like he is the one and only person I’ll ever feel complete and happy with?_ ” Roxas had felt a little nauseated saying that.

“ _Then I don’t know who you are anymore,_ ” and Ventus had sounded upset. “ _And not just because you’re spouting this crap. But also because what you’ve got right now with him isn’t making you happy. I can hear how sad you sound when we talk about shit like this. I don’t want you to ever be miserable. If you can’t have Axel the way you want to have him, you will - and ‘are’ - making yourself miserable. That hurts, Rox. You being sad makes me sad -_ ”

“ _And that in turn makes me even more sad,_ ” Roxas had finished. 

That conversation had stung Roxas’ eyes with the onset of tears.

Roxas had to remind himself that it wouldn’t be the end of the world if Axel left. Roxas had experienced life without Axel already a couple of times anyway. Sure… it had actually been painful as fuck but that had been because he had been holding on to the idea of fixing things. If they had a definitive breakup… Ha! _A break up_ … what a joke in and of itself… then at least Roxas would be able to move on. 

Roxas tried to remind himself that Axel leaving would be the _worst case_ scenario though. And there truly wasn’t any feasible reason for that to ever happen. All the evidence pointed towards Axel feeling the same way about Roxas as Roxas felt about Axel. They both _really_ liked each other. _A lot_. Maybe Axel even… . Roxas always shook his head at that. That went a little _too_ far. But generally there was no need to be all doom and gloom about it.

Roxas stifled a yawn as he swayed with the motion of the train. Work had been tedious but he had sugared himself up sufficiently. He yawned again, but tried to suppress it. Despite all the yawning he wasn’t sleepy. 

Yet _another_ yawn forced itself out as fancy boat shoes, with familiar red socks, stood in front of Roxas. He looked up with a fond smile, and found it to be returned in equal measure. 

Roxas no longer nudged Axel. It was a given fact that they would spend the night together. The fact that they spent so much time together felt so incongruent with keeping everything super casual. Roxas couldn’t imagine how what they had and did wasn’t more than ‘ _just a bit of fun’_. It had to be more. It just _had to be._

The train was fast approaching their usual subway stop for a Friday. Axel’s feet began to turn towards the door. Roxas thought he felt as nervous as those times he had tried to work up his courage to look up at Axel, or when he had nudged him for the first time.

Roxas bit through the buzzing discomfort and grabbed Axel’s wrist, not daring to look at him. He kept eyes firmly rooted to the floor, and watched as shoes turned back towards him in comprehension that today would be different.

Roxas released him and counted the stops till the end of the line. It was a way of distracting himself from the bile rising, and the uncomfortable heaviness of stones made from anxiety piling up in his gut. The train emptied out significantly but Axel remained rooted in front of Roxas. Roxas knew that Axel enjoyed looking directly at him. A side view wouldn't be enough. Thoughts like those only intensified the warmth Roxas felt when he was near Axel.

The train pulled into its final destination and Roxas got up, leading a very quizzical Axel towards his dingy apartment a few blocks from the station. They walked abreast, down the sidewalk of Roxas’ familiar, albeit unsavory neighborhood. Roxas felt somewhat embarrassed. His neighbourhood looked like a post-apocalyptic wasteland today, due to the yearly neighborhood cleanup taking place tomorrow. Roxas really wished he could have brought Axel over on a different Friday but… it _had_ to be this one. There had been no choice. 

So Roxas fought through his shame. And there was a lot of it. He envisioned Axel living somewhere really swanky, considering the job he held and the nice, yet casual, clothes he always wore. Once their Friday nights and Saturday mornings had become a regular occurrence Roxas had seen more and more of what _normal_ away-from-work Axel looked like. He often wore old band shirts, which Roxas had much appreciation for. And Axel always wore them underneath infinitely comfortable and warm-looking fitted jackets. But by far Roxas’ favorite article of clothing were Axel’s old and worn stone-washed skinny jeans. 

Roxas’ pulse raced picturing Axel wearing them. They were oh so stylishly ripped at thighs. They hugged Axel in all the right ways, front and back. Oh how those jeans made Roxas’ desires swirl! Roxas wanted to be fucked up against a wall, with Axel’s jeans still on, and just slightly pushed down.

Roxas didn’t know much about anal… other than what little preparation and internet research he had done to get himself ready for today, but he knew he wanted it. He wanted it with Axel… wearing _those_ jeans. With giddy excitement Roxas hoped Axel had packed them in the small backpack he started to carry with him on Fridays. Because Axel _must_ see how Roxas looked at him when he wore those jeans. Axel was probably just waiting for Roxas to tell him what he wanted. And Roxas would… very soon.

He breathed deep and stole glances at Axel as they continued walking. Axel seemed unfazed by the mountains of mess consisting mostly of old furniture, which littered the curb in front of every apartment building they passed. 

He smiled at Roxas when he noticed being looked at. “Where’re you taking me?”

“You’ll see.”

“Do I have to be worried about being mugged?” Axel joked.

Roxas returned a very solemn nod, just to freak Axel out a little. “Either that or you might get put out with the garbage. So you better not piss me off tonight.”

Axel chuckled. “When have I _ever_ pissed you off.”

Roxas flipped off the covers of his mittens and started listing a myriad of things, ticking them off on his fingers as he went. “That time you spoiled the ending of that movie for me. Your cocky attitude when you use your height to your advantage. The way you sing ‘ _Keeper of the Peace_ ’. How you keep insisting on filling up the bathtubs waaaaay too much -”

Axel, looking dismayed, clasped his hand over Roxas’ mouth to muffle him. “Point taken. I’ll behave.”

Roxas ran his tongue over Axel’s palm which was still covering his mouth. Axel cried out in disgust and retracted his hand, quick smart. But then wiped his palm dry on the side of Roxas’ face. “You’re gross, Roxas.”

“No, you’re gross,” Roxas swatted Axel’s hand away and furiously rubbed his cheek dry.

Affectionate looks were exchanged causing them both to laugh. They continued down the road happily. 

After a short while they passed the alley where Roxas had been accosted, but Roxas kept his cool. He however pointed it out to Axel, “That's where it happened, ya know?”

Axel frowned and fingers slid between Roxas’ sleeve and mitten, seeking out the now long healed over site of Roxas’ superficial injury. Axel gave a gentle squeeze and forever warm fingers caressed fondly.

“That's where I learned to use my noodle to protect myself from unwanted doodle.” Roxas’ stupid words broke Axel’s awful grimace, and a chesty laugh rolled out. Roxas smiled. Some days he thought he ought to be grateful to that drunken lout. Some days it felt to Roxas like that situation had unlocked something so amazingly wonderful between Axel and himself. He smiled intensely and bumped against Axel’s side playfully as they walked on.

“Hey! You lied!” Axel whined.

“Lied?”

“Yeah, I don’t have to watch out for muggers. I gotta watch out for _you_ pushing me into oncoming traffic.”

“Oh I wouldn’t dream of it,” Roxas sniggered, bumping Axel towards the road one more time.

A cheeky grin settled on Axel’s face. He hooked his elbow around Roxas’. “Well if I’m going down you’re coming with me.”

Roxas smiled and squeezed the crook of Axel’s elbow with his own. “I love coming with you,” Roxas muttered quietly.

Axel beamed. “I’m totally rubbing off on you, ain’t I?”

Silent laughter shook out of Roxas. It was true. He was starting to say ridiculous things as well. “More like you’re corrupting me.”

“I can totally live with that,” Axel laughed.

Roxas eased out of Axel’s arm, deftly wiggled his fingers out from under the mitten cover and clasped Axel’s hand. Their fingers interlaced and Roxas could barely bite down his elated smile as the butterflies danced in his belly. Axel held on firm, and started swinging their hands in exaggeration, whilst whistling a familiar little tune. The fire in Roxas’ heart burned and blazed.

Axel’s voice picked up after a few more ambling strides. “I’m glad you’re getting good use out of my gift.” Warm hand squeezed Roxas’ tightly.

“Oh I love them. I don’t go anywhere without them. I already told you that ages ago,” he replied. “You should believe the things I tell you, you know?” Roxas gave Axel a warm smile and had it returned to him. The flutters inside himself grew bigger. Roxas thought himself sickeningly and grotesquely enamored. He didn’t mind though.

“I’m forgetful, remember, Roxanatas?”

“Oh my God, Axel. You are getting _worse_ with time. My name’s Roxanalotos von Parmesana land.”

Axel laughed. “ _Von Pebblebrook,_ Roxas. Fair enough if _I_ forget, but you? Why’ve you got so much trouble remembering your own name?”

Roxas gave him a cheesy grin, “I told you, you’re totally corrupting me and making me as bad as you.” He let go of Axel’s hand and turned in towards his apartment building, which they had finally reached. 

Axel was right behind him, pressing up against Roxas’ back. It caused Roxas to smile. But to also fumble nervously with his keys. “You want something, Axel?” Roxas giggled, partly with anxiety, partly with a past memory of a role reversal. 

“Oh no. What makes you think that?” Axel chuckled, pushing closer, probably also getting the reference.

“A feeling,” Roxas smiled and shrugged.

“Is it a _hard_ feeling, _Roxas_ ,” Axel breathed into his ear and pulled at Roxas’ earlobe with lips.

“Maybe,” Roxas huffed with amusement and finally got the door open. But as they entered the ground floor, Roxas’ heart stuttered with discomfort. The warm glow of Axel’s affections left as they stepped into the cold cavern of Roxas’ apartment building. Things were getting too real, too fast. The closer he got to his destination the more terror welled up inside. What if Roxas had completely and utterly misread _all_ of Axel’s gestures? What if Roxas had only seen the things he had wanted to see? What if Axel was only holding on to Roxas because he wanted anal?

Roxas couldn't believe it. He scrunched the thought up and threw it out an imaginary window. Breathing deep he led the way to the large concrete stairwell and climbed up to his floor. 

“You climb these stairs every day?” Axel huffed when they got to the second landing.

“Yup.”

“No wonder I haven’t made you fat yet with all the crap I’ve been feeding you,” Axel laughed.

Roxas chuckled through his nerves. He hoped Axel was getting a good impression of where Roxas lived. As good an impression as one could get from a run down, out of the way old apartment building, in the middle of a neighborhood clean-up apocalypse. 

“I’m sorry about the mess in the streets, Axel. It doesn’t normally look like that.”

“Don’t sweat it. My neighborhood looked the exact same way last month.”

Roxas breathed a bit easier. He wanted Axel to be… impressed? Or something like that. Roxas didn’t want there to be anything that might make Axel think twice about being with him.

When Roxas reached his apartment door Axel pressed himself firmly against Roxas’ back once more. But this time arms slung around and worked their way underneath Roxas’ clothes, one layer at a time. 

“Apartment thirteen, huh?”

“Yup. That an issue?”

“Nope. That’s my favorite number.” Axel pressed kisses to Roxas’ neck.

Roxas fumbled with his keys yet again as he tried to get the door open. “Stop that, Axel,” he giggled in nervous delight. “Or you wanna be stuck out here forever?”

“Hmm, well that depends entirely on what will happen once we get inside. If it ain’t worth my while maybe I _would_ like to stay out here with you instead.”

“Oh, I’ll make it worth your while,” Roxas assured.

Hands eased off a little and Roxas managed to get his apartment door unlocked. He opened it with reluctance, taking a peek inside. 

“You making sure no one else is in there?” Axel queried with a goofy look whilst he rubbed at his head.

“Mmm, I’m making sure it still looks the same way I left it in this morning.” Roxas pulled the door closed and turned to face Axel. “You know… once I came back to find my place completely ransacked. It was like a natural disaster zone.”

“Oh, you got burgled?”

Roxas laughed. “No. I accidentally left a window open and a cat was chasing a pigeon that had flown in. I was scrubbing poop off my benchtops and the floorboards for days.” His face grew deathly serious. “It was really traumatizing.”

Axel’s lips quirked into a smile. “So what’s the verdict now? Safe for us to go in?”

“Oh, completely safe.” Roxas threw the door wide open, and held it the way Axel had always held the hotel doors. Axel got the reference, if the way he rubbed and brushed past Roxas said anything.

Once inside shoes were kicked off and slippers provided. Roxas took Axel’s small bag and coat. He stripped off his own heavy winter coat, pulled his hoodie off, and tossed everything over his desk chair, which was near the small entry hallway. Roxas felt like his usually too cold apartment was already feeling warmer with Axel’s presence inside of it. 

Axel ran his eyes over Roxas’ small apartment. Roxas watched, swearing he would turn green with how ill he was suddenly feeling. It was like being naked in front of Axel,but being clinically scrutinized and examined for defects.

Would Axel see the flaking paint, cracks and bad patch jobs on the walls? Would he see the weathered and worn-down floorboards? Would he hate Roxas’ tired looking lounge? Was Roxas’ TV too small? His collection of games and music not impressive enough? Was the feng shui all wrong? Should he have repositioned things to face the East or South? Why was he even thinking about this?

For some reason Axel’s opinion really mattered to him. That’s all he knew.

“Nice place, Roxas,” was the smiling response. 

Roxas didn’t believe him though. As if to accentuate the fact that this truly _wasn’t_ a nice place, the creeping sounds from the apartment above started up. Green eyes flicked towards the direction of the noise.

“Yeah, that happens a lot. Just wait till you hear what comes from _that_ direction”, Roxas said, pointing towards his left.

“Ooo! Now that _does_ sound exciting,” Axel chuckled, digging hands deep into his pockets. “Did you bring me here so I could bare witness to the weird things around your apartment? Or… ,” Axel rounded on Roxas, “did you bring me over so we could try and exact some revenge on your neighbors? You need some help making them realize how thin the walls are?” Axel waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Roxas’ stomach gurgled with butterflies, only making him feel sicker. _'I brought you here because I want you to be mine_.’ But Roxas just breathed deep.

“Should I take your silence as a _‘yes_ ’?”

Roxas playfully smacked Axel. “I wanted to cook you some dinner, you doofus. As - ah, well… . For -,” Roxas’ brow furrowed. He felt foolish, like he might scare Axel away if he said anything more.

“For?” Axel encouraged.

“For all the desserts and rooms you’ve paid for,” Roxas muttered. “I know it’s not cheap. Paying on every alternative day we meet up doesn’t make up for all the times in the past. So I wanna make it up to you with dinner.” - ‘ _And then some very sweet dessert,’_ he thought but was also unable to say it. 

There were so many more things to thank Axel for as well. But those things could wait until Roxas was 100% certain that Axel wanted Roxas in the same way that Roxas wanted him.

“You don’t have to repay me for any of that. I do it coz it’s fun and coz I want to,” Axel waved off.

“Well I _want_ to do this for you, so just take a seat and accept it.”

“Ooo, I like it when Big Boss shows up. So you’re in luck. I’ll submit.” Axel picked Roxas up and placed kisses along his neck until Roxas’ anxiety melted and he lightened up with laughter. 

“You still haven’t denied my assumption as to why you actually brought me here though,” Axel teased. 

“Think whatever you want,” Roxas dismissed with good cheer.

“Oh I will, don’t you worry.” Axel squeezed Roxas tightly against himself and nuzzled his cheek, all the while breathing into Roxas’ ear, “You want us to make your neighbors jealous. You want them to come knocking on your door, begging to join in.”

Roxas held on tight to Axel, legs wrapped around his waist, and arms around shoulders. “You goof. Just take me to the kitchen.”

“Your wish is my command.” 

Roxas was accosted with more delightfully ticklish pecks and was carried towards the kitchen, happily giggling away. Once he had been dropped off, Roxas busied himself preparing and cooking a super quick stir fry for the two of them.

Axel seemed glued to watching Roxas work. Roxas grew a little bit self conscious. “You don’t have to watch me. You can go play some video games if you’d like. I’ve got the classic arcade pack.”

“What? And overthrow you on all your hard fought for high-scores? I could _never_ do that to you. Not after you invite me here to cook dinner for me. What kind of a monster do you take me for?”

“Did you just insult me to my face?”

“Well I could never insult your cute little butt, that’s for sure.”

“That’s _it_! After dinner, you, me - on the lounge.”

“Ooo, we’ve never done it on a lounge before. Good thinking, Roxas!” Smirk and waggling eyebrows greeted Roxas once more.

He groaned in faux irritation and went back to cooking. Axel chuckled and kept gazing at Roxas. “How's work going for you? You getting closer to having your amazing talents recognized?”

Over the months Roxas had opened up more about what he actually did for a living, besides just the generic ‘ _analytics/programming and graphics designer hobbyist_ ’ that he wanted to be, but that work seemed determined to ignore. 

“Nope. But I’m following your suggestion and hanging around the lunchroom more. I’m gonna start flaunting my portfolio around too.”

“Excellent,” Axel drummed fingers along the countertop. “Don’t forget to join your works bowling team.”

“I don’t think they have a bowling team, Axel.”

“Nonsense. Every office building in this city has a bowling team. And if it’s not bowling it’ll be something else. But whatever it is, you gotta get on it.”

Roxas nodded and threw the ingredients he had been chopping into the wok. “But what if I join and all their competition days are on the days we meet up?”

“Then you’re gonna have to meet me on the other days, duh.”

Roxas smiled to himself as he began stirring. 

“Anyway, once you schmooze and they all see what a charming, funny, hard working and incredibly sexy guy you are, they’ll be throwing work your way. They’ll fire the guy that’s holding the current position, kneel before you, with the job vacancy on a silver platter.” Axel knelt down, raised his hands above his bowed head, mimicked the motion. 

“Oh Roxas-san, great and mighty graphics warrior. Please, accept our humble offering to have you be our lead on all future projects,” Axel rasped in a horribly offensive accent.

Roxas shook with laughter. Familiar heat swelled up. “Get up, you doofus,” he chided with affection. “You haven't even seen my work. I could be amazingly crap,” he said with a small smile.

“Don't be silly. Nothing about you is crap,” Axel rebuked while raising himself off the floor.

Roxas fought against his butterflies. Every time Axel spoke like that, Roxas’ fears were chased away. Axel’s bright flame lit Roxas up so completely, leaving no shadows for the negativity to hide in. 

“You'll discover one thing I'm really bad at really soon,” Roxas promised. 

“That's nothing to be ashamed of, Roxas. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… I'll teach you all you'll need to know about _that_. And I promise I won’t judge when I make you come with just two thrusts,” Axel acted out the motion and gave a salacious wink accompanied by a smirk.

“I'm talking about my cooking, you lecherous beanpole,” Roxas laughed and playfully thwacked Axel on the head with the butt end of his stirring spoon.

Axel rubbed at his head in feigned pain. “I hope you plan to kiss that better.”

“Which head you referring to?”

“Both,” came the grin to accompany the answer Roxas had been expecting.

Roxas couldn't stop the smiles when they were together. Yeah, Roxas _really_ liked Axel.

* * *

 

Once dinner was cooked they sat on the lounge watching television. Their inane conversations continued as they vehemently argued about who would end up winning the cooking competition which they had been religiously watching over the past few months.

“It’s gotta totally be Theodore! Did you see that flan he made?” Roxas fiercely defended.

“No, no. Clarice all the way. I’ve been rooting for her ever since she put too much chilli into that con carne three weeks ago, but still somehow managed to save it!”

“Oh please, Clarice only got through because Peggy saved her ass. The judges totally know that.”

“Leave my Clarice alone, Roxas! She’s gonna wow you all. Just you wait and see!”

“That’s _it_! Them’s fightin’ words!” Roxas slammed down his bowl, fired up his console and thrust a controller into Axel’s hands.

“You will regret this. I’m gonna make you cry when I beat you _and_ your pathetically lame high-scores! Fifteen hundred thousand? What a joke, Roxas! I thought so much better of you.”

“Eat my dust Axel! The loser has to do the dishes. And FYI… that loser will be _you_!”

They raced, they fought, they shot. They also laughed, groaned, cheered and jeered. In the end Roxas had won the majority of the games, but not without the offense of Axel triumphantly typing his name into the high-score board several times. ‘ _AXLPWNSRXS_ ’ sat atop the leaderboard on some of Roxas’ favorite games. Roxas had grumbled and Axel had smirked in sheer delight.

“Now every time you fire up your precious games you’ll see who owns you,” Axel laughed.

“Yeah, yeah. You won _some_ of the battles but I won the war. Get to the kitchen, peasant.”

“Yes. Master.”

Roxas liked the sound of that title way too much.

He sat on his countertop throne, legs swinging, watching Axel do his loser duty. Roxas had never imagined that Axel would ever be standing in his kitchen, doing his dishes for him. It formed bubbles of mirth inside himself.

“Ahhh… I can’t believe how stuffed I am,” Axel sighed with satisfaction as he was forearm deep in soap suds.

“You liked it?”

“Hell yeah. Where’d you learn to cook so well anyway, Roxas?”

“I watch _a lot_ of cooking shows,” Roxas sniggered.

“Really? No special talent? Just… you watch a lot of shows?”

“Yeah, really. I can also follow recipes, coz I can read. You need me to teach you how to do that?” Roxas teased.

“Hey now! I can read just fine. I can _definitely_ read what’s on your high-score board,” Axel chuckled and Roxas socked him gently in the side with his foot. “I know. It must be terribly upsetting for you to have been bested so badly,” Axel lamented in delight. 

“Keep gloating while you can. Those scores won’t be up there for very long.” 

“Yeah, coz you’ll probably try to beat them but won’t be able to. I can just see it now. You’ll get so frustrated that you’ll end up wiping your data,” Axel goaded.

“I hope you get food poisoning in two hours time,” came the curse. 

Axel’s mouth opened in shock, and he gasped. “How could you wish that on me?”

“Quite easily,” Roxas smiled sweetly, but it turned into a giggling grin.

“Well tough tits, Roxas. It’s not gonna happen. With your amazing cooking skills I know I’m in the safest hands imaginable.” Axel let the water out of the sink and took off bright fluro dishwashing gloves.

“Well that’s where you’re delusional and wrong,” Roxas poked his tongue out.

“Oh c’mon. You should have more faith in your abilities.” 

A hand ran through tufts of blonde and Roxas happily leaned into the warm touch. “Yeah, maybe. People keep telling me,” he dismissed with a wave.

“But you don’t believe them?”

“What’s the point in believing other people? People just say things to be polite,” Roxas muttered.

Axel’s hands were on Roxas’ shoulders in an instant, “I’ll never say things just to be polite to you, Roxas. I’m telling you, you are an _amazing_ person. I want you to believe in yourself.”

Roxas gulped. He felt his pulse throbbing through his stomach. How could this _not_ be a _thing_? How could Roxas ever think that Axel would leave him? 

“See… I think my cooking’s already given you a brain fever,” Roxas joked, trying to rekindle the fun between them.

“Rox-”

“C’mon, let me help you dry the dishes.” He hopped off the counter and began helping with drying and packing things away. The longer they engaged in their domesticities the more confident Roxas grew that all his worries had been unfounded. Tonight could continue to go as planned. That excited, but also unnerved him.

When at last all the cutlery and cups had been stowed away, both men stood leaning against the countertops, looking at each other. 

“So what you wanna do now? You need another thrashing on the lounge?” Roxas inquired, feeling way too anxious to be the one to get the ball rolling.

“Hmm… I think I’ve already done enough injury to your ego, so I best not beat any more of your adorably puny high-scores tonight.”

Roxas glared and pouted at Axel, who returned a soft smile. He pushed off the kitchen counter and moved towards Roxas, depositing a small, quick kiss on the corner of Roxas’ lips. 

The pout fell away. “Well what about some _dessert_ then?”

Axel’s lips spread into a lusty smile. “Dessert sounds pretty good,” he rumbled sweetly, stroking Roxas’ cheek.

“Would you like some fig pudding? Or fruit salad?”

Axel’s fingers stilled, and his expression actually fell.

“What?” Roxas asked, good-naturedly.

“I… was kind of hoping for something else, Roxas.”

“Oh… you… want some ice cream? Custard tart? Sweet quiche?”

A half smile lit Axel’s face. “It’s just like the bathroom again, isn’t it? You’re yankin’ my chain… ”

“No. I’m really not,” Roxas tried to be as serious as possible. “If you don’t like any of those options then I can’t help you, Axel. Those are all I’ve got.” He gave Axel a sad and apologetic look.

“You’re holding out on me, Roxas.”

“Holding out on you?”

“Yeah. You can’t just offer me dessert and then only show me _half_ the menu.” Axel pressed himself closer to Roxas. A hand played with the belt looped around Roxas’ hips.

Pleasant heat rose to Roxas’ face. The foreplay had begun. “ _Half_? I don’t know what you’re talking about. Those are all the things I can give you.”

“What about… ,” Axel leaned down and trailed his tongue slowly over Roxas’ throbbing jugular and up to the shell of his ear, “A _cinnabun?_ ” he whispered. Axel nibbled on Roxas’ earlobe for a moment.

“I think I’m all out of those.”

“Are you _sure_? Coz, I’m looking at one right now.”

Roxas’ hands knitted into the front of Axel’s business shirt. “Well… ,” he breathed deep. Axel smelt so fine. He licked and nipped at Axel’s tantalizingly presented neck. “The one you see is for display purposes only. But... I did hear a rumor that there might be an actual one left in the back.”

“The _back_?” 

That rumbling gravel could _almost_ give Roxas a hard-on all on its own. Axel’s kisses trailed along Roxas’ jaw and up to the corner of his mouth.

“Yeah,” Roxas breathed out before he turned towards those scrumptious lips. He let himself melt against the touch.

Slow, plump lips sucked. Tongue pushed, dipping gently into the moist and wanting opening. It was fleeting, yet intense. Tongue brushed against soft flesh, spawning thrilling shivers. They pulled apart. Roxas’ eyes, heavily lidded, lingered on that mouth. Those luscious lips quirked into a gentle smile.

“Can we go see if there’s any left? I'm getting _really_ hungry.”

“Mmm.” Roxas was engulfed in a hazy cloud of lust. His hands ran down Axel’s body and found warm hands. Their fingers interlaced. Roxas tugged gently and walked towards his bedroom, leading the way. 

Roxas tried not to think. He eyed his bedroom door, next to the lounge and bee-lined for it. Axel’s fingers rubbed and squeezed Roxas’. It was soothing, though Roxas didn’t know if it was intended to be or not. 

Roxas pushed his bedroom door open when they got there and it gave its soft familiar creak. His heart was racing a little firmer as he lead them over the threshold and into his room. 

He kept it sparsely decorated, storing most of his clutter in the main living area. All there was was a bed, a bedside stand, a built in wooden-doored wardrobe and a chair he kept his bathrobe and miscellaneous clothes on.

“So this is where the princess sleeps, huh? And does _other_ things too, hmm?”

Roxas knew there was a wink attached to that comment without having to turn around.

“I do that stuff in the shower, Axel,” was the offhanded remark, which elicited a purr from behind himself.

The cloud started lifting a little. More tension and anxiety prickled at Roxas’ heart and mind. But Axel’s heat spreading up from that held hand kept soothing him somewhat. Roxas stopped at the foot of his bed. He let go of Axel and slowly turned around to face him. 

Roxas’ stomach clenched. “We’re here. And it looks like there’s only one cinnabun left. But… ,” Roxas felt himself shaking with nerves. His eyes fell to the crummy off-colored carpet below.

“ _But?_ ”

He swallowed, and dragged his eyes back up to meet Axel’s. “It comes with a clause.”

“I'm all ears.”

Roxas breathed in deep, looking for his courage. “It’s all yours - if… if you want it. But… only as long as you _never_ share it with anyone else. And you have to keep it close to your heart forever.”

Axel’s chest heaved, his brows knit softly, and he looked like he was really struggling to keep that smile that Roxas loved seeing, off his face. Axel stepped closer and cupped Roxas’ face. Fingertips gently stroked warming cheeks. “You want tonight to be special, don’t you,” he hummed in that baritone which made Roxas’ knees weak.

“Yeah,” Roxas choked out and his eyes drooped down again.

Axel tilted Roxas’ face upwards. Their eyes connected once more. “I want the cinnabun. All of it. I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll forgo all other cinnabuns. I just want _this_ one.” Hands continued stroking cheeks. Axel’s face loomed larger. His nose pressed against Roxas’, nuzzling against him with affection.

Roxas’ heart pounded. A sting was rising behind his eyes. He could hardly swallow. He was so happy right now. Lips pressed against Roxas’. Axel pulled Roxas even closer, wrapping an arm around his waist and the other around his neck. Fingers tangled into hair. 

They tasted each other, and left soft pecks. Roxas slid his arms around slim shoulders, and interlaced his fingers behind Axel’s head. He felt himself get lifted up and placed back down on his bed. The springs gave a familiar small squeak, followed by a louder one, as Axel got on top of the bed as well. He straddled Roxas’ sides and trailed kisses over Roxas’ neck. Hands worked deftly at making contact with cold skin underneath. Roxas whimpered with pleasure. The hot touches were always so delicious.

Roxas’ cold hands worked on unbuttoning Axel’s business shirt, a task Roxas had gotten quite good at by this stage. He dipped fingers between the holes to stroke at skin as he worked his way down. Axel’s hands had completely disappeared under Roxas’ shirts. He stroked and rubbed Roxas’ nipples in appreciation before pulling away to shrug out of his shirt once all buttons had been undone. Axel pulled Roxas upright for a moment to peel his shirts off, making sure to run his hot hands firmly over Roxas’ sides in the way Roxas really fucking loved, and then pushed Roxas back down onto the bed.

Roxas grabbed slim but well defined pale arms and dragged Axel down to lay flush against his chest. Roxas loved getting that heated full-body contact. Both men sighed in contentment.

“You ever think it’s weird that we’re like fire and ice?” Roxas muffled into Axel’s bare shoulder between grazing teeth and licks of tongue along skin.

“Mm, no. Can’t say I ever thought it weird. But you know how I feel about weird things anyway. Only makes what we have even better.”

Kisses trailed and a hand threaded through blonde tufts. Belts were dislodged and pants slowly pushed down while they lay together. Roxas ran hands over silken boxers, cupping and kneading Axel’s backside above him. Axel hummed in satisfaction and lifted his hips slightly so he could push Roxas’ briefs down. Once that was accomplished Axel ran his palm over Roxas’ hardening erection. 

Roxas pushed hips upward, demanding more friction. Axel gave it, thumbing and stroking the exposed underside of Roxas’ shaft. But Roxas had to shake himself out of the pleasure. Tonight was - _no_ \- tonight _needed_ to be different.

“Stop for a moment,” he said gently.

Hands ceased their motion instantaneously. Mouth moved away from where it had been nipping at pink erect buds. Green looked into blue.

Roxas bit his lip. He rolled them both over and slid down the length of Axel’s body, grazing fingertips along smooth skin as he went. Axel shivered and inhaled sharply with pleasure.

It made Roxas happy. He chuckled as he pulled Axel’s pants off to reveal all of the silly boxers emblazoned with ‘ _magical school girl’_ motifs.

“You’re lucky you can buy these things online, otherwise people might start calling the cops on you,” he sniggered and peeled them off Axel as well.

Axel only grinned sheepishly.

Roxas then stood up on his bed and slowly worked himself out of his own jeans and briefs, sliding them off the remainder of the way. He looked down at Axel as he did so, watching hungry green eyes carefully take Roxas’ motion in. 

Roxas knelt back down, straddling Axel’s lap. He ran his hand down the full length of his own body, teasingly. Axel’s hands joined in, fingering down Roxas’ snail trail and into blonde curls below. Roxas pushed his erection against Axel’s and rocked his hips, rubbing together for a few moments. Axel squirmed in pleasure underneath him and cupped Roxas’ arse.

“Mine’s longer,” Roxas observed between indulgent hums.

“Yeah, but mine’s thicker, which is what _actually_ matters,” Axel licked his lips and winked.

Roxas shuddered and moaned in his head as the buzzing butterflies in his stomach fluttered at that thought. He swept his hands over cream chest, teasing nipples and tickling lower abdomen before running one solitary finger down into red hair and up Axel’s heated erection.

Axel sucked on his lip and moaned as Roxas’ finger made contact with his head. Roxas continued to slowly rub over Axel’s slickening slit, spreading the pre-come so his fingers could glide smoothly.

“Axel.”

“Yeah?”

“Do you know what today's date is?”

“Of course. February twenty-fourth. Do you need me to tell you the year as well? Are you a time traveler?” Axel chuckled.

Roxas rolled his eyes and huffed out his amusement. “Nooo. Don’t be silly.”

“Then why ask me?” a smirk was beginning to spread.

Did he know? Oh God, Roxas hoped Axel knew.

Roxas had trouble getting it out. His tongue felt too thick and his saliva too gluggy. “Do you… know what’s special about today?”

A cheeky twinkle in eyes and a playful quirk of lips flashed onto Axel’s face, but then quickly extinguished. He leaned up a little, “Is it your birthday? Should I have gotten you something?” Axel actually sounded a little bit panicked by the end of it.

“No, nothing like that.” Roxas soothed, rubbing the palm of his hand along Axel’s upper arm, while still leisurely stroking Axel’s erection with his other hand. “And even if it was my birthday… I… already have the best gift of all.” He pouted and groaned inwardly at what a cheesecake factory he was being right now.

“God, you’re sweet,” Axel lifted himself and deposited delicate kisses on pouting lips.

Roxas managed to find the smile inside of himself. Axel didn’t seem to mind how corny he was being. It made Roxas feel better.

A hand slid up Roxas’ side and to his face, cupping his chin. A tender finger stroked Roxas’ lips. Roxas captured Axel’s finger and rolled his tongue around it, sucking gently. 

Axel pulled his finger out. “C’mon, tell me - What’s got you so nervous today? I haven’t really seen you like this since… well our _first_ bath… and… that _other_ time,” Axel grimaced.

Memories flashed like a traumatic nightmare. But Roxas pushed it aside. It sounded like Axel knew… why else would he bring it up? Maybe he was playing with Roxas the same way Roxas was playing with him? He pushed the hopeful and amused smile down.

“That first day… that was so embarrassing. I don’t know how I ever let you talk me into that.”

“Hey, now, I didn’t talk you into anything. I just extended an invitation and you took it… because you’re even weirder than me,” Axel chuckled in delight.

Roxas gaped and scoffed. “No way! Na-ah! I am so not weirder than you. No. Way.”

Axel grabbed Roxas’ arm, pulling him gently towards himself. Axel licked and nipped the inside of Roxas’ elbow. Roxas received a pleasant shudder down his spine and moaned.

Axel released Roxas. “See, weird.” He leaned back a little, presumably so he could get a better view of Roxas’ nakedness straddling his lap, if the way his eyes traveled, and the way he chewed on his lips said anything.

Roxas’ heart swelled. “That’s a quirk, not a _weird_. Leave my body alone.”

“You really want me to?” Axel wore a dangerous smirk, like he was almost _daring_ Roxas to say ‘ _yes_ ’. 

“What? And give you an excuse to parade yourself in front of me and make me _beg_ you to touch me? No way. I’m not gonna torture myself like that again.” Roxas leaned backwards, creating more space between them. He folded his arms in front of himself, and pursed lips in defiance.

“Mmm, good answer. I’d rather have the privilege of torturing you than let you have all the fun of doing it to yourself.” Axel’s hand reached out and behind Roxas’ head, pulling them close to each other. The movement ended in a kiss. 

Lips pushed together, soft and supple. Roxas grew hungry, pushing his tongue against Axel, who all too willingly opened up and let Roxas inside. Roxas pushed further, causing Axel to topple over and fall backwards onto the bed, taking Roxas with him.

Roxas kept sucking, diving, tasting for a few fleeting moments longer before pulling away and sitting back up. He looked down at Axel, sprawled on his bed, eyes half-lidded and tongue flicking over lips to keep tasting what was left of Roxas.

Roxas’ hands maneuvered over Axel’s body, enjoying their travels against that forever hot flesh. Axel’s hands slid onto Roxas’ thighs, running to hips and backside, rubbing and heating Roxas delightfully.

“So…” Axel’s voice rumbled to life, “What’s so special about today, Roxas?” He grinned and winked.

If that look said anything to Roxas it spoke of Axel knowing. Hopeful delight swirled around Roxas’ insides.

“Well… you remember that challenge you posed… about how long it would take to get into my pants?” 

“Of course.”

“Uh… ,” Roxas took a deep breath, “To answer that question… eight months… .” Roxas tweaked Axel’s nippels until they were both hard.

Axel’s brows pulled together and his mouth hung open slightly. “Ah - Roxas… I got into your pants after four months. Trust me… I was counting,” he grinned. “And I know I hardened you up even _way_ earlier than that,” Axel squeezed Roxas’ backside firmly. 

“I think our definition of what ‘ _getting into my pants’_ means is different.” Fingers grazed down Axel’s sides. Roxas could feel Axel’s warm skin gooseflesh in response to Roxas’ touch.

“I made you come. Remember? I didn’t even need to get all the way into your pants,” Axel sniggered and gave Roxas’ semi hard-on a tug.

“Making me come and getting into my pants are two different things.”

“You can’t change the rules of the game after the fact, Roxas. That’s bad form.”

“My body, my rules. You should have checked the rulebook before playing the game,” Roxas chastised, kneading Axel’s hips.

“Everyone knows those are just _guidelines_ ,” Axel whinged. “But c’mon, you gonna tell me what tonight’s all about?”

“You’re smart. Why don’t you tell me? I’m sure you can figure it out,” Roxas leaned forward and patted Axel’s head in a patronizing fashion, giggling.

“Oh geez. I’m glad you’ve got so much faith in me. So ok… but we might be here a while. I can be pretty thick sometimes.”

“That’s fine. We’ve got all night. And… all day tomorrow… and the day after,” Roxas spoke, but he voice had grown weaker and his eyes had sunk down.

“Oh really?”

“Mmhmm,” Roxas hummed, casting a tentative glance at Axel. He saw a pleased and amused smile dancing and lighting Axel’s face.

“Ah man, I’m super lucky then. That should be plenty of time. But… if I figure it out before Sunday can I still stay here with you anyway?”

“I’d like that,” Roxas said quietly and nodded.

Axel’s grip on Roxas tightened as he gave an affectionate squeeze. “Hmm… then let’s see.” Axel scrunched his face up like he was really thinking _very_ hard. He kept rubbing at Roxas’ thighs while in faux deep thought. “It’s _not_ your birthday. It’s not _my_ birthday either. We only just had Christmas and New Year's,” Axel hummed in satisfaction, “And what an _amazing_ time _that_ was, huh?”

“Yeah.”

They exchanged soft smiles.

“So… hmm. You bring me to your home. You cook me dinner. You let me come all over your high-scores.”

Roxas scoffed derisively, pinching Axel’s nipples as hard as he could.

Axel stifled a moan and then sniggered. “So this is almost like a date. Could it be… that you wanted tonight to be special because you remembered that it’s our eight months anniversary from the day we went to our first hotel room together?” Axel beamed.

Roxas’ body prickled and basked in blissful warmth. Axel _knew_! Axel kept track. Axel cared and thought of what they had as significant enough to remember the date.

“Is it?” Roxas asked incredulously. 

“It is,” Axel reassured.

“Well I’ll be darned. Is it really?” Roxas’ hands stilled, but his heart raced. 

Axel squinted at Roxas. “Yeah. It is.” His brows knitted together. He looked slightly upset. “You really don't remember?” 

“I’m sorry, Axel. I just brought you here today because I wanted help moving some stuff down to the curb for tomorrow's clean up.” 

They blinked at each other. Roxas was such an asshole sometimes, and he knew it too. He couldn’t hold the serious expression any longer though. His grin broke free. The giggles rattled out as he looked at Axel’s not-at-all impressed face.

“God, you’re _terrible!_ ” Axel launched up and dug fingers into Roxas’ armpits, making Roxas squeal in high pitched delight. Roxas tried to defend himself by drawing in on himself, but it was of little use. He was laughing so much that it began to hurt. Tears streamed.

“I just - wanted - to test you -” Roxas squeaked past his gasps for air as fingers dug relentlessly.

“Test me?”

A few more moments passed before fingers eased off Roxas, but not before giving an affectionate rub and squeeze to his sides. Axel leaned back and gazed at Roxas quizzically.

“Yeah,” he unfurled himself gently, but still had arms wrapped loosely around himself in a protective manner. “See if you were sappy enough - to pay attention to stuff - like that,” Roxas pushed out through his rolling giggles.

A relieved smile settled over Axel, and he laughed lightly, “You’re such a tease.”

Giggles were shocked out of Roxas’ system as Axel snatched up one of Roxas’ hands and maneuvered it to his mouth. Axel ran Roxas’ fingertips along his lips, pulling them away far enough so his next words wouldn't come out all muffled. “Sounds like you’re the bigger sap, considering all the things you’ve done to make tonight special.” Axel smirked and began sucking on each individual finger, while eyeing Roxas mercilessly.

Roxas swallowed the dry lump. Axel was so fucking hot. Roxas shook his head to clear out the lusty thoughts which began to bubble. “Tonight’s specialness… doesn’t just end at dinner.” The amusement leaked out of Roxas. He seemed to lose his voice as anxiety knotted his stomach. “I -I’ve got an extra special dessert for you.”

“Oooo?” Axel gave an extra firm suck to Roxas’ middle finger.

Roxas shivered and moved off Axel. He tried to pull his hand with him as he scooched over to his bedside drawer. But Axel seemed to have a hard time letting go of Roxas, gripping firmly. 

Axel pleaded, “Roxas, where’re you going? Don't run away. Don't leave me all alone on your scary bed with your scary neighbor sounds all around us,” he whimpered tragical.

Roxas managed to free himself with a firm jerk of his wrist.

Axel lowered himself, dejected and rested on his elbows, looking on.

Roxas laughed. “I’m not going far, silly. Just ten inches to your right. See?” He turned his head back towards Axel and poked his tongue out.

“Well alright then. Can’t say the view’s bad. Maybe I’d like you to stay on all fours like that.” Axel hummed in satisfaction.

Heat prickled Roxas’ face. He had his arse facing Axel, and felt a warm hand grasp and squeeze him as he rifled through his bedside drawer. Roxas fumbled a bit as he tried to quickly gather the packet of condoms, a bottle of lubricant and a packet of wet wipes before Axel’s fingers started to get too confident with where they were wanting to travel and… probe.

But Roxas wasn’t fast enough. Heat pushed against him. Roxas yelped, slammed the drawer closed and swiftly turned around. He breathed in deep and gave Axel a playful glare, which made Axel shake with his quiet rolling delight.

Roxas moved and straddled Axel once more, settling atop of his gorgeous man. He laid the products next to Axel’s elbow. Eyes followed the motion, and lingered a while on the goods, before slowly drifted back up towards Roxas. 

Axel’s eyes gleamed.

Roxas broke their gaze off. He couldn’t keep looking at him. Roxas felt too embarrassed. 

Fingers drifted around Roxas’ hips, stroking him. Roxas kept breathing and tried to still his heartbeat. Axel’s touch felt so caring and soothing. Roxas really shouldn’t be so worried… 

“Look at me, Roxas,” Axel coaxed.

Roxas did.

“What do you want from me?”

“You know,” Roxas nodded towards the things he had gotten out of his drawer.

“Yeah, but I wanna hear you say it.”

“Axel, don’t make me.”

“You know I’ll never make you do anything against your will, so no need to freak out, ok?”

Roxas gave a small nod.

Axel sat up and kissed Roxas with tenderness, leaving pecks on apples of warming cheeks, and trailing down to his mouth. Gentle pushes gave way to delicate sucks. Cheeks were stroked, and tongues began rubbing together - once more and forever tasting and craving each other.

Axel pulled away, leaving Roxas wanting more. He began fiddling with the packaging and shortly turned back to face Roxas, holding out a wet wipe.

Roxas smiled. He took it and got to work rubbing Axel’s face clean.

“You’re so adorable, Roxas,” Axel cooed.

“Shut up. I’m manly.”

Axel sniggered, “Yeah - In the most adorable way imaginable.”

Roxas still grumbled a bit but focused on his duty, rubbing a bit more forcefully, turning Axel’s cheeks a little red through the process. Thoughts drifted to the forefront of Roxas’ mind. “Did you mean what you said about your tattoos on New Year's Eve?”

“I mean everything I say. What you wanna know about specifically?”

Roxas swallowed the lump in his throat and tried steadying himself. “About this being my privilege.” He finished revealing Axel’s true self and discarded the wet wipe, gazing at Axel’s smiling face, waiting for an answer. 

Axel was so gorgeous. That soft smile, which Roxas had started seeing a lot more frequently, was yet again on display. Roxas hoped he wasn’t seeing things. He hoped he wasn’t imagining a fictional story of deep love to go along with that smile. He hoped it was a fact.

“You’re special and important to me, Roxas. So of course you get _very_ special privileges,” came the soft response.

Roxas’ breath caught in his chest. “Thanks,” he whispered. How could he still doubt? How could uncertainty still dwell inside himself?

Axel’s hands ran over Roxas’ skin, without purpose but still seemingly gaining a lot of enjoyment out of their meanderings.

They had all the time in the world. Axel would never rush Roxas into anything. Roxas bit his lip to keep from spewing out his confessions of adoration. He let his fingers ghost and trail over Axel’s smooth cheeks, and down to rougher jaw where Axel shaved. “What would you look like with a beard?” Roxas suddenly wondered out aloud.

“Terrible,” Axel laughed a little.

“What you think _I’d_ look like with a beard?” Roxas rubbed at his own chin for a moment.

“Can you even grow one?” Axel laughed some more and also rubbed at Roxas’ soft chin.

“If I wanted to I could.”

“How long would it take you? I’m pretty sure you don’t shave every day,” Axel’s eyes twinkled with mischief.

“That’s not important.”

“You asked me, so it must be, right?”

Roxas poked his tongue out. His mind was just trying to divert away from the inevitable.

Axel’s hands wandered down Roxas’ cool back and up along his chest. Axel thumbed over nipples and rubbed Roxas’ subtly defined pectorals. 

Green eyes surveyed and took Roxas in completely. From the soles of his feet, with toes snuggly tucked in under Axel’s thighs, all the way to the tip of Roxas’ somewhat spiky hair. Lips were licked. The smile never fell.

“Well you’d look like a man child. I don’t think I’d want to see it,” Axel grinned and chuckled. 

“A man child?” Roxas bristled, only a tiny bit though.

“Mm-hmm. I like how you look right now, Roxas. You’re manly enough as is. You don’t need facial hair to make me want you. But that being said… if you grew some it also wouldn’t put me off either. I just want _you_. No matter what you look like.”

Roxas’ heart hammered away double time. He wrapped his arms around Axel’s shoulders and worked a hand into red hair, seeking out to scratch at his scalp. “I want you too, Axel. Beard or no beard. Don’t matter to me either.”

Their faces leaned ever closer together.

“I’m glad we’re of the same mind on that point,” Axel rumbled. His eyes flickered between blue eyes and supple lips.

They pushed together. Lips nipped at each other in great leisure, like they could make out like this for hours on end and never get tired of it. Never get tired of each other.

 _Fuck_ … Roxas really adored Axel. Roxas really… _loved_ Axel.

Not _liked_. Not even _really_ liked. But _loved_. 

Axel must love him back… . Surely. There was no way he didn’t. Roxas would wake up tomorrow morning after an amazing sex session and then be able to do it all again, because Axel would be there. Axel would _never_ leave.

“I want you inside of me, Axel,” Roxas got out hoarsely as he pulled away from Axel’s wanting mouth. “And not your tongue - or fingers -”

“I dunno Roxas… my fingers can be pretty damn amazing. Don’t rule them out, ok?” Axel spoke in a smoky timbre.

A surge of certainty ran through Roxas. He wanted Axel so much. He trusted Axel completely. Axel would look after him. Axel would give him the best sex Roxas had ever had. 

There was nothing to be nervous about.

“Ok. I’ll try your fingers - but I _really_ want your cock, Axel. Your thick fucking cock… fucking my arse, ok?” he got out with a lot of strength. 

Roxas’ erection throbbed. He gripped Axel’s penis and gave a few short and sharp pumps. A deep moaning rumble sounded out of Axel. Roxas wanted Axel so badly. Wanted everything Axel had ever promised him and alluded to.

Axel locked lips with Roxas. He wrapped his arms around Roxas’ back and pulled them both down onto the mattress. Roxas pressed against Axel, making sure every part of his body was in contact with the heat below him. They kissed and sucked on each other. Roxas slowly and deliberately ground his pelvis down against Axel. Both men moaned in their throats. Fingers massaged scalps and skin. 

The world had flipped around the next time Roxas opened his eyes. He was greeted with the sight of his familiar ceiling. The sight of a familiar delightful grin with matching red hair, green eyes, and purple tattoos filled his vision. 

Axel was on top to take charge. He straddled Roxas and hovered above him like a magnificent sex God, about to share all his secrets with Roxas.

“Oh Roxas,” Axel sighed with satisfaction. Fingers stroked against Roxas’ cheek, and a warmth trailed and trickled down Roxas’ cool body. “This is going to be so much fun,” he rumbled. 

Roxas’ heart thumped. He swallowed down his amazing anxiety and excitement, biting at his lip.

A hungry smirk blossomed on Axel’s face. “I’m gonna make you feel _so_ incredible all over.”


	18. Broken Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There were only ever two promises that needed to be kept.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit content below. 
> 
> Language and violence warning.

Roxas woke up to the sound of his phone buzzing. A groggy eye peeled open. A hand fumbled for the offending noise maker on the bedside stand. Bleary eyes tried to focus.

 _Ventus_. 

Roxas declined the call. 

_‘What the fuck’s he calling so early for?’_ Roxas grumbled in his head. His hand slid and dangled down the side of his bed, dropping the phone on the floor with a clatter. Roxas tried to bury his face into the pillow to get more shut eye. The glare of morning light peeking through his too-thin curtains was painfully sharp. He shivered slightly against the chilling air. He missed being warm.

 _Warm_.

Memories of last night flashed into Roxas’ mind, making him tingle with pleasure. ‘ _Oh yeah_ … ’. Roxas smiled and sighed happily.

Axel had touched him everywhere so gently, ripping soft moans from Roxas’ throat. He had encouraged Roxas to be louder, to drown out the strange sounds from the other apartments, and Roxas had obliged him. 

Fingers had been sucked on. Lube applied. Anxiety had been subdued with soft, comforting words. Reassurances were given in spades that it would all be ok. 

Digits had been gently inserted, one after the other. Constant questions of, “ _Is this all right?_ ” had been breathed against Roxas’ ear. Roxas had nodded and whimpered. It had been weird. Uncomfortable. But it had also been fucking _insane._ Roxas had never experienced such slow burning pleasure from having sex before. And those had only been Axel’s fingers.

“ _We can go as slow as you want, Roxas. There’s no rush._ ”

But Roxas had begun burning with need, especially once Axel had introduced Roxas to his prostate. That was something Roxas was eternally grateful for. It had been such an incredible, glorious surprise. Roxas’ deep moan had come out of almost nowhere. Electrifying pleasure had vibrated through his entire being. 

Axel’s whole face had lit up with delight. “ _And this is why I want to fuck you like this so badly,”_ he had murmured between loving kisses.

Axel, from time to time, had brushed against the bundle of nerves and cooed, “ _Imagine what my cock will feel like inside of you, Roxy._ ” 

Roxas hadn’t been able to protest against that pet name. In fact, he thought he could fall so easily in love with it, as long as it came out of Axel’s mouth while he was slowly pushing into Roxas’ arse or fondling his erection.

Axel’s expert handling of Roxas’ body had driven Roxas crazy. His squirming and mewling had intensified. Roxas’ desire had built. He had asked to suck on Axel’s cock while Axel’s fingers were deep inside his backside. Axel had purred deeply and after some reshuffling, obliged.

Roxas had sucked and Axel had gently fucked himself deep inside of Roxas’ mouth, while stretching Roxas’ sphincter with his fingers. The look in Axel’s eyes and the moaning out of him had lit Roxas’ world on fire. It had continued to built the need. And Roxas had thought that if that had been the last thing he would ever experience in his life he could have died happy.

But that had been before Axel made good on his promise to make Roxas feel even _more_ incredible. Roxas had slickened Axel’s wrapped up erection with as much additional lubricant as he could manage to get on there. Axel had laughed, and encouraged Roxas to ease up so they could have some left for later.

But just before Axel made ready to push inside of Roxas, a genuine fear had stirred. It had surged through Roxas like a tidal wave. He had become terrified that this would be the last time they would ever see each other again, or fuck. 

“ _You’ll be here when I wake up in the morning, won’t you?_ ” he had asked, unable to disguise the panic.

Axel had looked surprised, but a smile had also lit up his face, “ _I promise I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise I’ll be in your life for as long as you want me here. Plus… I’ve still got more of your high-scores to destroy._ ”

There had been a cheeky wink. Axel had been smacked, but it all had been followed up by the sweetest of kisses. Roxas had then writhed in a mixture of pain and pleasure as Axel had pushed in and out of Roxas as gently as possible. 

He had moaned and muttered about how wonderful Roxas felt, and about how he was gonna make Roxas feel so good. Kisses had trailed and discomfort had given way to intense pleasure after a short time later. And then the rolling of hips, the building of sweat, heavy panting, breathing and fucking had truly started.

Every time Roxas had felt himself close to coming Axel had stopped though. He had also slapped Roxas’ hand away from his erection every time Roxas went to touch himself.

“ _None of that, Roxas._ ”

“ _But I want to come._ ” Roxas had complained in breathless agony after the fifth time Axel had pulled out and shooed Roxas’ hand away.

“ _And I will make you. But you need to stop touching yourself.”_

“ _I can’t come if I-_ ”

Axel had kissed him into silence. “ _I’m gonna make you come without ever having to touch your cock. Just trust me, ok?_ ”

Roxas had been skeptical but had nodded. 

They had spent a lot of time cuddling and kissing between their screwing. Butat some point during the night Axel had finally decided to let Roxas ride out the wave of pleasure he had been coasting on for so long. Axel had carefully wrapped Roxas’ erection up in a condom to minimize the mess, and had found the right angle to continuously stimulate Roxas. They had moaned against each other in unbelievable delight. Fingers and teeth had dug into flesh and hair had been pulled at. 

Axel hadn’t touched Roxas once, and had pinned both Roxas’ hands above his head to stop Roxas from fumbling around. Axel had been true to his word and Roxas had come shortly after Axel, with no other stimulation bar Axel’s thick hardness plunging in and out of him.

Roxas’ release had been so intense that he had cried. His orgasm had streamed through him and had lit his whole body with electric energy. Axel had chuckled and breathlessly soothed Roxas through his devastating release. He had cooed softly, “ _If it could be my full time paying job to fuck you and make you come, I would take that up in a heartbeat._ ”

It had been an amazingly different experience. Yes, Roxas had one of the most amazing nights in his life. It had been made even more wonderful by the intense entwined cuddles they had shared afterwards. Roxas had soon thereafter slipped into oblivion, nestled into Axel’s scent and warmth.

So _Twin ESP_ was the answer, regarding his earlier question as to why Ventus would be calling right now. He grinned like a fool. He’d tell Ventus all about it… but not before getting some morning kisses and cuddles. Roxas rolled over to look at Axel’s sleeping form nex-.

He sat up sharply, dazed and confused.

The afterglow on Roxas’ face plunged down a well. “Axel?” Roxas called out softly, his voice rasping with sleep.

Silence.

“Axel!” he tried, more in a commanding bark this time. 

Still nothing. 

Roxas shivered in the winter air. He grabbed his ever at hand woolly bathrobe, donned it, and headed to the bathroom. Axel was probably just taking a leak or showering.

But the silence and solitude which greeted him was perturbing. The emptiness of that room caused Roxas’ lungs to freeze and his fingertips to turn blue. He walked back out to the main living and kitchen area - calling out - just incase Axel was hiding somewhere.

“Axel! This isn’t funny.” He stopped to listen. Straining to hear the faint sounds of a snigger. But nothing bar the vibrations of passing traffic and the rhythmic ticking of his clock floated to ears.

“Axel?”

A cold chill ran through Roxas.

No, no, _no_!

Panic set in. Roxas rushed back into the bedroom, looking to see if Axel’s clothes were anywhere to be found.

There was no trace of him ever having been around, bar the used condoms in the bin, the uncapped lube still on the floor, and a dull ache in Roxas’ backside.

His eyes darted. His mind raced. There had to be a reasonable explanation for Axel having left without saying anything. Roxas thought back on the last time this had happened.

He quickly undid his bathrobe to check his chest, as stupid as that seemed. 

No toothpaste.

He checked for any notes Axel might have left - Nothing on his bedside stand - Nothing on the coffee table, or kitchen counters. He ran to his desk in the corner of the living room and frantically scanned the surface for any messages. But he had tidied up, not leaving a scrap of anything on its cheap vinyl surface. The desk was still meticulously clean.

Axel’s coat and bag were gone and Roxas’ own outwear was strewn on the ground. 

Roxas’ jaw clenched. He huffed out sharply and turned away, surveying his empty living room space. His heart began pounding fiercely. His hands trembled. Roxas swung back around to his desk. He flung his office chair aside with a growl, and yanked his desk drawer out violently, dislodging it from its plastic railings. Roxas screamed. He threw the drawer clear across the living room. Papers and stationary flew and rained onto hardwood floor. The drawer smashed against the kitchen counter at the other corner of the room.

Roxas crumpled in on himself, sinking to the floor to join his coat and hoodie.

 _‘Don’t catastrophize this, Rox. Don’t think about it. There’s gotta be an explanation. A sensible and reasonable one,’_ he implored upon himself. Axel wasn’t the kind of guy to fuck and just leave him. They had all kinds of sex before now. Why should anal change anything? 

Unless… unless… _that_ was the conquest.

The heat of Roxas’ building anger flash froze. A whimper squeezed out of his chest. Roxas stopped himself right there. How was he going to survive the weekend without going completely mad?

His brother was the answer.

Roxas picked himself back up and stalked into his bedroom. Seeing it empty and cold was like a knife to the chest though. He flopped down heavily onto his mattress and grabbed his phone off the floor. 

It pained him waiting for the call to be picked up, but when it was, Ventus’ sickening cheerful voice accosted him.

“ _Heeeey big boy! If you totally didn't get butt-fucked last night I'll be a monkey's uncle. I'll abdicate from the prestigious role of being your big brother._ ”

Roxas knew Ventus was sporting a horrendous grin right now. His heart clenched in pain. The sea inside himself, which he had been keeping at bay, swelled and broke the wall. Sobs dragged out of the depths, pulling Roxas’ despair up with it. 

“ _Wh…. Rox, you ok? A-are you… crying? Fuck, what happened? Roxas, is everything ok?_ ”

“No-,” he squeaked, cradling his head woefully in his hand. He didn’t want to cry. Not in front of Ventus. This wasn’t what they normally did. This mushy emotional mess wasn’t who Roxas was… but everything hurt too much right now.

“ _Rox… fuck… did he? Did that asshole…_ ”

Roxas found his voice. He managed to bottle the torrential sorrow back up inside himself. “No. I'm ok, Ven. I… we... had a really - awesome evening,” he finished in another high pitched squeak.

“ _Then why do you sound so heartbroken? Is anal really that bad? Or was it just that good that you’re all choked up about it?_ ” Ventus’ voice rang through, full of uncertainty with how he should react right now.

“No, it wasn’t bad,” Roxas’ chest heaved at the memory. “It was the best sex I've ever had.”

“ _Then what -_ ”

“He's - _gone_!” Roxas choked out. The floodgates opened up and he wailed. Fat drops slid down his face and plopped onto his bathrobe.

“ _Gone?_ ”

“N-not here. Gone. Di-disappeared. He -promised,” Roxas howled in sorrow. “He swore he’d be h-here. B-but he's not.”

“ _Wh- What the hell! You ‘sure’? I - can’t believe this_.”

Roxas whimpered and forced the sea back down, sniffing back the discharge and rubbing the tears away angrily. “He’s completely gone.” Roxas’ eyes cast around his room, checking whether Axel hadn’t magically re-appeared from out of the walls or something.

Silence rolled between the two of them for a while, leaving Ventus to probably think about how he could be a good big brother.

“ _He left you no note? No sign regarding why he's not there?_ ”

“Nothing. Nowhere. I looked. I - don't get it.”

“ _I don't either… Liss and I were so sure that you were just being a giant worry wart._ ”

Roxas shook with sorrowful tears. A pained breathless whimper pulled itself out of his chest. He slammed his free hand against the bedside stand in burning frustration.

 _“It’s ok, Rox. It’s ok. Just - relax. You sitting down? Go and sit down if you’re not. - You - I… Rox. Just…”_ Ventus sounded like he was on the verge of tears himself. “ _You wanna talk to Liss? She just got up. I know she’s much better at this stuff than me.”_

“Yes, please,” Roxas’ voice trembled in a squeaking sob.

“ _Alright,”_ Ventus sniffled in relief. _“While I do the handover and help my precious angel wake up, you just go make yourself some tea or something. Like that honey tea mom always made for you when you needed a pick me up, ok?_ ”

“Ok,” Roxas muttered.

The phone went dead and Roxas squeezed out a small smile despite everything. 

He stalked into his kitchen to boil water. Breathing deep he tried to think more rationally. But the empty apartment haunted him with its silence. It should be filled with Axel’s lewd remarks. Roxas should be getting felt up right now, and kisses should be trailing all over his neck.

Pained agony rose again.

He prepared his drink and stared at his mug while the tea steeped. A deep glacial freeze entered Roxas’ body. No amount of tea or hot water could ever melt this. No amount of bathing could ever defrost him. Unless it was with Axel. At this point just hearing his laugh would have been a miraculous cure for all that ailed Roxas.

Why did Axel leave? Was Roxas really such a bad lay? Bitter and angry tears welled. 

It couldn't be. Axel had muttered how good it had been. How he hadn’t wanted it to end as he had lost himself and gave in to his own pleasure. He had told Roxas how he was gonna fuck him again in the morning and all day long. 

Roxas clutched at his chest. Those precious memories churned his belly and stabbed him in the heart. 

The sobbing started afresh but he startled out of his misery at the sound of his phone buzzing.

“ _Roxy._ ”

“Liss,” he squeaked.

“ _Is it ok if I put you on speaker?_ ”

“Yeah,” he said, hoarsely.

“ _Hey again, Rox._ ”

“Hey, Ven.

“ _Did you make yourself some tea?_ ” his brother asked.

“Yeah.”

“ _Any good? Is it making you feel better?_ ” 

Roxas took a sip.

“No, this is crap. Mom makes it a million times better.”

“ _That's because she makes it with love, not misery,_ ” came Melissa’s gentle hum.

Roxas huffed, but her words snagged at his brain. “I love him, Liss. Why did he go? Why am I being such a fucking crybaby?” He clutched at his head for a moment, and rubbed the fresh forming tears from his eyes.

“ _Well, I think you answered your own question. It’s coz you love him, no?_ ”

“Yeah,” Roxas sighed. When did he start _loving_ that shithead anyway? Roxas couldn’t pinpoint it. Sometime between the kiss and the blowjob probably. Or… maybe even… before… 

“I wanted this weekend to be special. It was our eight month anniversary. I brought him over and was planning on just staying in all day, or ask him out on a date. I was gonna ask him to be my boyfriend.” More sadness prickled Roxas’ eyes.

“ _Aww, Roxy. That’s so sweet. I’m so sorry that things are so confusing right now,_ ” Melissa soothed.

“Confusing is an understatement,” the tears seemed to melt away, though the hurt still remained. “After all we’ve done… after all this time spent together. He said he’d be here for as long as I wanted him. He’s always been so patient with me. I… why would it change now? Why would he suddenly up and leave? Does he think I've had enough of him? Should I have told him that I love him? I was gonna save all that shit for today.” Roxas let out a pathetically pained groan, which ended in a whimper. 

“ _I know it hurts, and that all this right now is confusing as hell for you, Roxy. But you know it might not be as bad as you imagine it to be. I'm sure he knows how you feel about him. There could be a million reasons why he had to leave. Remember the last time this happened?_ ”

“But there's no note. No sign. No explanation. He wouldn't have left without waking me, or leaving a note. If Axel lo- if Axel cared he wouldn't have left like this. But he’s just -,” a sob worked its way out of his throat and his face scrunched up in pain.

Ventus jumped in, wanting to sooth Roxas. _“Just stay cool, Rox. Don’t overthink this, ok? Just call him, or send him a text asking for an explanation._ ”

“I can’t. I... never got his number.” Embarrassment came to the fore. Roxas felt his cheeks prickled with shame and irritation.

“ _What? Rox… ,”_ Ventus laughed lightly, _“You really have rocks for brains, don’t you?_ ”

“Shut up.” Roxas felt miserable. 

His brother kept quizzing him, “ _What about a last name? You know his full name? You could social media stalk him. Bet you don’t even need a last name. You could probably spot his display pic a mile away._ ”

“No, I don’t know his full name. Maybe 'Axel’ isn't even his real name? I’d never know about it if he's been lying to me this whole time,” Roxas said bitterly. He suddenly thought himself so naive. So _stupid_.

“ _Oh my God, Roxas. What were you two… Ow! Hey, stop this spousal abuse!_ ”

“ _It’s not spousal abuse until you marry me, you goose. Anyway, leave Roxas alone. You’re just gonna make him feel worse. - Roxas ignore your brother. We can’t do anything about the fact that you can’t get in touch with him, so don’t feel bad about that._ ”

“We never exchanged numbers because… this isn't a - a re -,” Roxas had tried his hardest to push through the freshly welling tears but he ended up wailing. 

Why did it have to hurt so bad?

Melissa’s quiet voice attempted to sooth Roxas through the phone line. “ _Oh baby, Hush. Shh, shh. It's ok. It's probably just a misunderstanding. It's probably nothing bad. It’ll be ok. You’ll see._ ”

“I -I shared my body with him. I -I let him into my home. Into my most private parts - into my… _heart_. He's everything to me.” Roxas squeaked and fought to get his words out through blubbering tears. “He promised me he wouldn't leave. Why would he leave? Why am I not worth caring for? Why do I deserve to be treated like shit? Why does he think he can just fuck me and leave? We -we spent so much time together. I -I thought he really liked me. We got on so well together. He -he made me so h -happy,” Roxas’ voice fell away as it drowned in his agonizing sadness. He didn't know how he should be feeling. He was hurting. He was pissed.

“ _Shh, shh, shh. It's ok, Rox. I know it hurts. It hurts to lose someone and to not even know the reason why. But it's gotta be ok. You two were so sweet on each other, remember? You two spent so many nights together. I know this makes no sense right now, but once you talk to him, I’m sure everything will be cleared up and it’ll go back to how it was.”_

Roxas nodded pathetically, sniffling and hummed in hesitant acceptance.

Ventus voice chimed in, “ _Rox, don’t ever think you aren’t a wonderful person. Whatever that fuckheads reasons - Ow - whatever his reasons might be, don’t ever think that you aren’t worthwhile,”_ he sniffled, _“I’m with Liss. This has got to be some kind of a misunderstanding. There’s no way he’d spend so much time with you and not fall for you like you’ve fallen for him. Ok?_ ”

Roxas smiled with bitter tears and muttered, “Ok.” He appreciated his cheer squad. He gave another large sniffle. “Ven.”

 _“Yeah?”_ his brother squeaked.

“Are you crying?” Roxas’ heart was soothed and a gentle smile flowered.

 _“No,”_ Ventus spoke sternly.

 _“Both of you are big babies. Now I’ve got to mother two of you,”_ Melissa sighed.

An actual laugh burbled out of Roxas and he could hear his brothers own relieved laugh echo through the phone.

“ _Alright_ ,” Melissa started up again. _“So both of you just stay calm, and don't overthink things, ok? Rox, when you notice your head going towards Axel just ignore it. Distract yourself. You can see him on the train on Monday and talk to him then, ok? Until then you aren't allowed to think about him, is that clear?_ ”

Roxas’ sadness settled down. “I’ll try. But… what am I supposed to do until then? I’m gonna go crazy.”

“ _Well… this is ‘just’ a suggestion but… you could work on the wedding invites and email the files to me.”_

Melissa’s one track mind made Roxas huff with amusement.

 _“I really need to mail those out. It be great if you could focus on that. You know, make me happy, and take your mind off all this stuff as well? It’ll be good for you._ ”

“Good for me, huh?”

“ _Yup,_ ” her affectionate smile radiating through the line.

Ventus pipped up, “ _We’ll be here for you, Rox. Just call us whenever you need some distraction. I’ve got this book on fun facts. I can read them to you. Like - did you know that frogs absorb water through their skin? So they don’t have to drink. How cool would that be? Sometimes I wish I could just absorb stuff through my skin. Imagine the time I could save. Put a liquid coffee patch on my skin. Good to go all day. My god… what an idea! May- OW!”_

_“Stop it, Ven.”_

Another laugh bubbled out of Roxas amidst all the terrible tears.

“ _See, I’m helping,_ ” Ventus sounded triumphant.

“ _Whatever. You gonna be ok until Monday, Roxy?”_

“I -think so. You're right. There’s really nothing I can do until I see him again,” Roxas mumbled quietly, trying to reassure himself of this fact. “Thanks, guys.”

“ _Anytime. Call us, ok?_ ”

So Roxas tried to distract himself. He worked on Ventus and Melissa’s invites and website, finally finishing them and emailing them off. He watched TV shows and played video games. But seeing the high-scores was a fierce blow. So he stayed clear from playing the arcade pack.

But despite keeping as busy as he possibly could he still had moments where he couldn’t keep the mental breakdown at bay. Moments when self-doubt crept in. When he berated himself mercilessly for having fallen for it, hook, line, and sinker.

Nothing made sense. Maybe Axel was just a fucking piece of lying shit.

Roxas ground his teeth as he waited for the weekend to pass.

* * *

 

Monday came and went, but the air was only becoming more foggy and hazardous to inhale. 

Axel hadn’t shown up.

Tuesday arrived. Still nothing.

Wednesday. Completely gone.

Roxas was becoming sick from all the sleep he was losing and from the churning in his gut. He agonized over it, day and night. He didn’t call his cheer squad. There was nothing they could say that he didn’t already know. So he drowned in his own overactive imagination.

What if aliens had abducted him? They found out how good Axel was at anal and stole him away so they could learn a thing or two about probing?

Maybe Axel was a super spy and his mission had ended? Maybe Roxas was like one of those pointless hookups for the spy to shag while he had been on assignment?

Or possibly Axel had a terminal illness? Wanted to give Roxas one incredible night and save him from crying over the fuckhead while Axel went and died somewhere in peace?

Perhaps one of Axel’s relatives had gotten ill and he was out of town? Or maybe Axel was just mildly sick? Maybe Roxas had actually given the man food poisoning and Axel was now mad at him? 

None of those thoughts helped much. They were either _too_ ridiculous or didn’t explain why there hadn’t been a note.

Roxas braced through the rest of the week, slowly freezing to death. His mittens caused more pain than they offered up in warmth. But Roxas still wore them. They soaked up his occasional bouts of bitter tears so well.

* * *

 

It was the beginning of another week and Axel was still nowhere to be seen. By this stage Roxas truly didn’t get it. The man knew where Roxas lived. He could always come around and find Roxas, or send him a letter. Unless Axel really _was_ amazingly - on his deathbed - sick. Roxas was pretty sure that wasn’t the issue though. 

No.

There was only one explanation. The man was avoiding him. Nothing else made sense. Roxas had been tricked into giving himself up to the conniving redhead. Axel had played the excessively long game to get into Roxas’ pants. He had been a deplorably insincere douchebag. One more akin to a weasel than an actual man.

That _had_ to be the truth. Axel had always been about the challenge and winning the prize. Everything had always been a competition. Axel had _told_ him he always got what he wanted. Roxas had just been a conquest. Probably an amazingly satisfying one, holding out for as long as he did. But Roxas found no solace in that, because he had finally lost. He had given himself over, and now there was nothing worth pursuing Roxas for. He was discarded like a used up and boring sex toy.

That boiled Roxas’ blood. It grew into cold rage.

He threw the mittens Axel had given him into the trash one evening, whilst bitter tears streamed and teeth gnashed and ground. Roxas paced his small living space, fuming and eyeing the bin. He paced until he was convinced he would wear his floorboards out. He paced because a hopeful flame still burned in Roxas’ heart for the man. Like the cute little flames on the mittens. 

Axel wouldn’t have gone to all the trouble just for anal. Axel wouldn’t have spent months wooing him just for that… unless he was a bored rich kid with more money than sense. No. It made no sense. Axel had been sincere and sweet. Axel had been respectful and caring. Axel had… _loved_ him… surely… 

Roxas needed to find Axel. He needed to talk to him. His burning rage simmered. Roxas wanted to hold on to all traces of Axel until he got an answer. So he picked the mittens back out of the trash. He however threw them into the deepest and darkest recesses of his closet. Roxas would hold on to them until he got his answers. And _then_ he would destroy everything that ever reminded him of Axel. That seemed more reasonable.

* * *

 

When he traveled to and from work Roxas kept his eyes peeled. He looked out the window whenever the train pulled into the stations where Axel always boarded and departed from. But he saw no familiar red against the dreary splash of business suits. 

Then it occurred to Roxas that if Axel was hiding from him it wouldn’t be hard to do so. Roxas was the definition of ‘ _predictable’_ where his commute was concerned _._ So Roxas did the unthinkable. He changed his hoodie and coat. He even gave up his seat and stood by the doors for several days to see if he could spot Axel.

He eventually did one afternoon. He caught sight of a flash of red underneath a black hood. Roxas squeezed through the closing doors and pulled his own black hood well over his face, trailing the tall man far behind. Even from the large distance Roxas was keeping, and despite the crowds, he could still tell that his target was indeed Axel. That lithe silhouette was too familiar. The way he moved unmistakable.

Axel didn’t appear sick. So in Roxas’ mind it confirmed all his worst fears. He didn’t want to be a creepy stalker though. He was going to confront the man when opportunity struck. He was going to talk to him. Roxas wanted answers after all. He wanted to hear it for himself from those smug, full-of-bullshit lips. He wanted an admittance of what a fucking dog of a person Axel truly was.

_‘You used me!’_

_‘Yes.’_

_‘You never cared for me.’_

_‘No, never.’_

‘ _You only wanted ‘one’ thing from me and did anything you had to, to get it. Even if that was pretending that you liked me. Pretending that you shared my love of cooking shows, wildlife documentaries, video games, and heavy grunge rock._ ’

‘ _Yes. I don’t like any of those things. I like all the worst things imaginable instead. Hip hop, financial reviews, social media games, eating cold foie gras. I am everything you hate, but I got you ‘begging’ me to fuck you, ha-ha! In your face, you little brat._ ’ 

Roxas pounded the well-salted pavement harder as his thoughts ran through the stupid scenarios.

He followed Axel down the busy boulevard. This was a pretty well-off part of town. Bistro’s lined the street and many rows of expensive apartment and townhouse complexes lined the side streets. Quaint little front-gardens and parks dotted the walkways. Spring was evidently just around the corner as the plants were beginning to wake up from their winter dormancy. Not that Roxas would ever be able to perceive the shift in temperature. He was always sub-arctic, especially right now. But he could tell that this was the ‘ _radiant_ ’ part of Radiant Gardens. It would surely look spectacular in the full bloom of spring.

As he stalked through the neighborhood Roxas felt inferior and like he was _dirt_. Had Roxas’ place of residence upset Axel so much that he’d fuck him and leave?

Roxas huffed.

Axel turned down one particularly pretty road which curved and vanished as it bent back in on itself further along. Roxas stayed on the boulevard, peeking around the corner. There weren’t many people around, and nothing to really hide behind if Roxas were to head down that way, so he stayed put. He didn’t want to risk being exposed just yet.

Axel didn’t venture too far down the path, so Roxas didn’t need to move to be able to see. Axel opened a white wrought-iron gate, made short work of the tiny courtyard and knocked on the door of a European-styled duplex. He pushed off his hood and leaning against the wall, busying himself with his phone.

Roxas watched for a while. Should he go? Should he wait? He waited. Eventually someone flew out of the building. Roxas could make out dirt-blonde hair and a guitar case strapped to his back. This was probably one of Axel’s friends. Maybe it was even his roommate? This surely had to be Axel’s local neighborhood, since he always got on and off at the subway station Roxas had stalked Axel off of.

Roxas started forward, to have a word with Axel, but as he had taken a few steps and rounded the corner he watched Axel pull the blonde into a tight embrace. 

Roxas’ heart stopped beating. All sound in the world vanished. Roxas thought his vision was succumbing to darkness. But it was unmistakable, even at this distance. 

_They were kissing_. 

It was also glaringly obvious that this was way more than ‘ _just friends’_ type of kissing. Hands roamed and cupped backsides. Axel even _dipped_ that shithead into a deep, probably tongue-all-the-way-down-your-throat, kind of a kiss.

_“I want the cinnabun. All of it. I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll forgo all other cinnabuns. I just want this one.”_

Roxas felt the stirring and pounding of his heart as outrage resuscitated him. Acrid bile rose, as well as scorching heat. Roxas bit down hard on his lip. His hands balled up into trembling fists. _‘Fucking lying piece of shit!’_ Roxas raged in his head.

The pair disengaged and began moving towards the main road - towards Roxas. Something inside Roxas kicked him back however. He retreated the way he came, before the sight of Axel walking arm-in-arm with the other guy caused him to lose himself inside blinding rage.

Roxas had a hard time battling the fury inside himself. He ran all the way back to the station, shoving as many people out of the way as he could.

* * *

 

Roxas’ predominant emotion, when it came to facing life, was anger. But when he got home that evening tears burned down his cheeks. He had no energy to smash things, slam doors and howl his outrage out of his chest. All he was able to do was drudge up eerie wails of pain and anguish as he sunk into his bed and pulled the covers over his head. 

Roxas felt like he finally had some empathy towards his neighbor as he joined in with the dismal weeping of next door. The pain which resided inside of Roxas’ chest was too grave and dense to be eased by his feeble tears though. The sobs did nothing to express how truly heartbroken Roxas was over the whole ordeal.

Roxas _hated_ himself for it. He _hated_ that he cared so much. That he had been made such a fool of.

He ignored Ventus’ phone calls. He pulled all the pillows over his head, hoping to suffocate rather than ever see another human being ever again. Nothing would make this feeling go away. Nothing could make it better. All he wanted to do was sleep. All he wanted was to stop existing. To be swallowed by the earth.

Sleepless hours passed. The world passed. Roxas was all alone with his misery and heartbreak. He had trusted Axel. Had let him into his life. Had let him into his _heart_ , and the man had shattered it. He had lied to Roxas. He had been fake - a fraud. That’s what punctured Roxas’ lungs the most. That’s what made it impossible to breath. His hurt flowed out of eyes, nose, and mouth. The heart wrenching sounds choked him and rattle in his chest. 

But nothing made it any better. The emotions seeping out didn’t ease him. Time passing by didn’t sooth him. The betrayal and hurt Roxas felt was a burning cage he was trapped inside of. 

He was in agony lying in his bed where they had fucked. He wanted to burn his sheets. Burn his mattress. Burn his whole goddamned apartment down. Cleanse himself of all memories of that despicable man.

Forget the sweet, gentle, funny, thoughtful man Roxas thought he had met. That man had been an illusion. A dream. A phantom. A grotesque perversion of reality. The man Roxas thought Axel was had been a complete lie. How could he ever face people again? How could he trust others ever again? How could he ever let people into his life after this betrayal? 

Roxas had never felt this way about anyone. It had been impossibly sacred to him. Axel had ruined Roxas emotionally. He had ruined him for _life_.

The longer he lay awake the worse he felt. His hatred deepened. It punctured his soul and carved out a hollowness which was shaped like Axel. It smelled like warm spice, it sounded like smooth bass with gravelly edges, it smirked like a goddamn fucking rock star. It burned like lithium and copper. 

As he lay curled up on his bed that night, hugging his pathetically luke-warm hot water bottle, the pain inside incapacitated Roxas. Everything squeezed him tight. His throat felt raw from the sobs and uncontrollable wailing. His tears had run their course but his body continued to try and squeeze them out regardless. A hell of a headache bloomed and hammered him. 

He hated Axel. But Axel was also all he wanted. No one could ever replace Axel. Roxas would never be happy again. _Ever_. Roxas would _never_ love again. Roxas would forever _burn_ with hatred and sick misanthropy. Roxas hated _himself_ for having let that cocksucker get so deep under his skin.

Those thoughts rolled through him. The agony didn’t relent. He got no sleep that night.

He pushed through work, because sitting at home, wallowing in misery was going to cause him nothing but more pain and strife. Plus he really wanted - _needed_ \- to see Axel. He needed to speak with him… or yell at him. Roxas knew himself well enough to know that it would most likely be the latter. So on the commute back home Roxas kept a careful searching eye out for Axel at stop twenty. 

Now that he knew what he was looking for he found the redhead pretty easily. Axel seemed to get on three cars behind the one Roxas was aboard of. 

That man’s continued deceit and trickery boiled Roxas. What a fucking chicken shit. Axel couldn’t even be fucking man enough to face Roxas? He was such a fucking dog. 

Roxas grit his teeth. He broke all the commuter rules of a polite society and pushed through the crowded carriages. He forced his way past hundreds of tightly sardined passengers. No apologies or shits were given.

Roxas found Axel, sitting down and squeezed between other passengers. He was hunched over his phone, in deep thought. 

Nostrils flared. Roxas didn’t know if he wanted to cry, or punch that fucking gorgeous face; mutilate him so no one else would ever be hurt by the fuckhead ever again; brand him and let the world forever know what Axel truly was.

Roxas barged his way through the crowd and stood in front of the fucking piece of shit, waiting for him to take notice of Roxas’ presence. Two stops passed and Axel didn’t give any indication that he _had_ noticed Roxas. Either the man was pretending or he genuinely wasn't paying attention. 

If his body hadn’t been quaking and engulfed in a quiet rage Roxas would probably have been able to see the funny side of how the tables had turned on him. But as it stood, he really couldn't. Roxas kicked Axel’s foot with zero gentleness - demanding attention.

Roxas was met with angry, glaring eyes. Apparently Axel wasn’t in a mellow mood either. Green fire briefly smothered in wide startled recognition, but then the distasteful heat reignited. Eyes narrowed and returned to how they had been only moments previous. The glare might even have been _more_ intense and angry.

Both men glowered at each other. 

The fact that Axel’s eyes refused to soften broke the hard coiled knot of resentment in Roxas’ stomach. Sadness surged through him. He didn’t want Axel to ever look at him like that. He wanted soft eyes and a loving smile to be shown to him. Roxas’ brows knit tight as a preventative measure against welling tears.

Axel eventually looked away and back down at his phone, but Roxas continued to scowl. Stop number ten came around and Axel stood up ready to leave, but Roxas barred him passage. He stood in front of the other man, bumping his chest into Axel’s, and craning his neck to look up into furious eyes. Roxas didn’t budge. 

Axel attempted to sidestep but Roxas just continued to block deftly. The animosity between the two men was palpable. Fellow passengers were beginning to shift uncomfortably.

The lights on the doors began flashing. They were about to close.

Axel seethed and rammed past Roxas, appearing eager to get out. Roxas ignored the dull pain Axel’s movement left in his shoulder and followed. He squeezed through the closing doors, narrowly avoiding being cut in half by them.

Roxas was hot on Axel’s trail. He wished he could burn searing and painful holes into the man’s back as he followed Axel up and out of the subway station and into the chilling spring air above.

Axel moved quickly, his long legs providing a clear advantage to the man. Roxas started running after him. He grabbed at coat sleeve. Axel yanked his arm free of Roxas’ grasp. He whirled around with great force and Roxas was slammed against the wall of a building. Axel’s elbow and forearm against his chest kept Roxas pinned to the wall.

Axel exploded. “Don’t fucking touch me,” came the acrimonious bark.

The force of the shout caused Roxas to flinch. He had heard it clear as day through his headphones. He ripped them off his head, and glared at Axel. “That should be _my_ line,” he shot back, trembling with hot rage.

People had stopped to stare at them. It all served to make Roxas even angrier.

Axel’s nostrils flared and eyes narrowed. “Leave me the _fuck_ alone.” Axel dug his elbow painfully into Roxas’ sternum and pushed himself off. Heels turned with military precision. Axel continued heading down the busy road, business shoes clicking against the still salted pavement.

Roxas went rigid with hate. He forced his body off the wall and into a run to catch up with Axel. When he did, he trotted along at the man’s elbow. Roxas glared up at the asshole. Axel’s jaw ground.

“I’m not fucking leaving until you explain your fucking self to me, you shit!” Roxas fired.

Axel’s gaze snapped towards Roxas. Eyes threw daggers. Roxas flinched and his insides clenched tight as Axel bumped forcefully into him. Axel pushed them both down a dingy side alley. 

“Hey, watch it,” Roxas protested.

The space was narrow. The light was beginning to fade, giving the alley an even worse appeal than it already possessed. Most of it was taken up with dumpsters. It reeked of overflowing garbage. An acrid pungent smell, very reminiscent of urine, accosted Roxas’ nose.

“I’m only gonna say this once more, so listen up, you dumb fuck. Leave. Me. The _fuck_. Alone. I want _nothing_ to do with you.”

Roxas’ stomach and fists clenched. Everything was squeezing him. His breathing came fast and shallow. He grit his teeth, forcing words out instead of the shouting outrage he wanted to deliver, “What the fuck is wrong with you? What’s gotten into you? I just wanna _talk_.”

“I have nothing to say to you,” Axel bit, shoving past Roxas once more, to presumably go home - or out to be with his new _fuck-buddy_.

“You fucking worthless piece of cock-sucking shit,” Roxas raged at full volume. He ran ahead of Axel, and dove his shoulder into the man’s sternum, pushing him back into the alley. “We’re not leaving here until I get a fucking answer from you.” Roxas stood staunch and fierce at the mouth of the alley, barring the way.

Axel wheezed a bit and rubbed at his chest. “There is _nothing_ I want to say to you. I don’t even want to _look_ at you,” he spat with ferocity.

“Seriously? After all this time we’ve been spending together? After _everything_ we’ve done together? You don’t think you owe me an explanation?”

That seemed to break Axel’s wall of detachment.

“I don’t owe you shit, you little fuck. How _dare_ you! After _everything_ _I’ve_ given you? I should sue your fucking arse. But then I’d have to spend more time looking at your stupid mug. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to see you ever again.”

Axel’s words were painful daggers.

“You owe me a fucking apology! You owe me a ‘ _sorry’_.” Roxas’ hands shook with the ferocious strain of holding his pure rage at bay.

Axel laughed loud with no mirth. “A ‘ _sorry_ ’ for what exactly?”

“ ‘ _Sorry for being such a fucking manipulative self-centered bullshit artist!_ ’ Be sorry for _that_ , you fucking piece of shit!” Roxas trembled. He was so livid. He was _so close_ to punching the fuckhead. Nails dug painfully into his palms.

Axel stepped up to Roxas, “Who you calling manipulative? You’re a fucking lowlife!” he bellowed right into Roxas’ face.

The pressure and proximity of it squeezed Roxas’ eyes shut. When he opened them again he boiled and blistered with rage. “I’m calling _you_ those things, you fucking shit! You _used_ me!” he screamed right back. “What? I wasn't good enough for you, huh? I ain't _rich_ enough for you maybe? You think you’re _better_ than me?” Roxas slammed his palm into Axel’s shoulder. “You take one look at my place, _fuck me_ and then just leave? What kind of a fucking game are you playing?” 

Roxas was a seething and roiling tempest. Nothing was gonna stop him, “You’re too ashamed to be seen with me? Is that it?” He slammed Axel again, “I’m too far beneath you and your cushy job and cushy life and your fucking stupid revolving-door new shoes? Were you _that_ bored that you’d pursue me all this way just so you can gloat about having fucked me up the arse? Do you get off on that shit or something? Do you _like_ toying with people?” Roxas bit down the rising sea. He blinked away the hot tears. “And now… and now that you’ve messed me up so fucking much you just _leave_? I was right about you. You’re selfish and arrogant. You take whatever you want and don’t give a shit about anyone else's feelings. You hurt me, so fucking much, you asshole!” the heat had leaked out of Roxas’ words as pain and anguish took over. But anger sparked up again anew when he saw the contempt in Axel’s eyes. “But you don’t even care, do you?” Roxas screeched.

Axel’s face contorted with hideous fury. Hot air blew into Roxas’ face. Axel trembled and he spoke in a dangerously low and even tone, “I care more than you’ll ever fucking know. I care more than you could ever muster to fathom in your idiotic, candy brain. You’re the one who’s fucking playing with people’s lives. _You’re_ the one hurting and destroying things.” Axel pushed right back, digging a finger into Roxas’ chest. “And yes, I’m _so_ fucking ashamed of you. I’m ashamed of _myself_ for ever having fallen for you with your sweet face and your sweet fucking words. You played me like a fucking fiddle. Where do _you_ get off on this shit, Roxas? I totally misread you. You’re a _fucking sick sack of garbage,_ and I never want to see you again. Now - Let - Me - _Go_. -This is your _final_ fucking warning.” Axel once more rammed into Roxas, shouldering past.

Roxas’ jaw clenched. His face contorted into a mask of fury and outrage. He bolted ahead of Axel, whirled around and faced him. “Don’t you _fucking_ leave here!”

“ _Get fucked!_ ” Axel went to push Roxas aside but Roxas lost all restraint. His fist went flying. His knuckles cracked against Axel’s head, sending him sprawling backwards. Axel’s head hit the wall with a sickening dull thud. He flinched and stumbled, knocking over a trashcan. The clatter pierced the air. Foul smelling contents spilled and oozed over the already stained and filthy ground. Axel groaned and winced in pain. Hands went to his head, cradling himself protectively.

Roxas stopped in mid-stride. All the heat inside of himself extinguished. A cold snap blew through, almost paralyzing him. Roxas stood, mouth hanging open in wide horrendous shock. His hand throbbed in agony but he didn’t feel it. All he felt was guilt and worry. He wanted to comfort Axel. Apologize. “Ax-,”

“What.” Axel gathered himself up, breathing heavy. Body tensed. “The.” Hands clenched into tight, shaking fists. “ _Fuck_!” Axel turned livid.

An outraged roar erupted. He lunged at Roxas, swinging a hard right hook. Blue eyes widened. Roxas dropped to the ground, barely avoiding contact. A gust of wind blew through overhead. A blurry flash of red passed.

Hearts raced. Adrenaline pumped. Breaths ran ragged. Roxas stood back up, shaking and trembling. He watched Axel whirl around. Fire blazed in green eyes. Lips pressed into a deathly thin line.

“Axel, I’m sorry!” Roxas screamed.

Axel jumped a little and blinked, as if completely lost as to where he was or what he was doing. He shook his head. Anger returned to his face. He resumed throwing his hateful stares into Roxas. “I’m gonna smash you if you don’t let me leave,” Axel’s words were as sharp as a knife's edge.

Roxas’ heart slammed into his chest. He felt breathless. “I can’t let you leave. You… ,” the now too familiar sting at the back of his eyes flared up and tickled his nose. “You _promised me_ you’d be there in the morning,” Roxas cried in an unwanted display of terror and despair. “Why weren’t you there? Please just answer me!” The heartbreak showed itself. His brow creased. His lip trembled. His chest squeezed. But he tried to steel himself against the way his voice quavered and squeaked.

Roxas could hear Axel’s sharp breaths. He saw the way Axel's hands clenched open and closed. His nose scrunched in disdain. His jaw grit and ground. Axel looked like he was trying hard to restrain himself.

Long legs made dangerously short work of the distance between the two of them. He violently bumped against Roxas’ chest, dislodging Roxas’ firmly planted stance, causing him to stumble backwards a little. 

But Roxas reclaimed his space, and pushed right back. Axel stared down at Roxas. There was so much disdain and contempt in his contorted grimace. 

Roxas swallowed down the guilt and upset which was ballooning inside himself. Axel’s eye was already closing up from the swelling surrounding it.

“I wasn’t there because you _disgust_ me.”

The words stabbed and stung.

All sorrow and remorse over having hit the fuckwit left Roxas. He glared up at Axel, returning green daggered stares with an equal measure of blue anger and defiance. “Fuck you,” Roxas spat.

“You’re so fucking stupid, Roxas. Such a fucking fat lying sack of shit. You have _no right_ to be upset with me over not being there in the morning. _You_ couldn’t even keep your own fucking promise to me. How… ,” Axel exhaled sharply, grinding his teeth, “How _dare_ you butter me up. How _dare_ you make me think -,” Fists clenched. Muscles went rigid. He looked away. “I wasn’t there because I refuse to have you hurt me. I refuse to hurt her.”

“ _‘Her?_ ’ Who the fuck is ‘ _her’_? What the fuck are you talking about? How am I fucking hurting _you_? You’re the cock-sucking piece of -”

Axel‘s chest puffed out, knocking Roxas backwards. Sharp green glare returned. 

Roxas stepped back up, bumping into Axel forcefully.

Axel pushed right back. “Don’t play your game with me. Don’t think I’m not on to you. So just drop the act.”

“What act? Fuck.” Roxas threw his arms up in the air in exasperation. He clutched at his head before looking back up. “Axel, you’re not making any sense.”

“After all we’ve been through you really can’t show me any respect by being truthful with me? You’re gonna keep playing your game and pretend like there’s only _me_ in your life?” Axel’s shoulders trembled. The rage barely constrainable. “What a fucking joke. You’re a fucking joke, and I’m not gonna get upset about you any more.”

Roxas’ eyes searched in desperation for some meaning in all of this. “I’m not _pretending_. I’m not _lying_. I’ve always been _honest_ with you. There is _only_ _you_ in my life, Axel. I love y-”

“Don’t!” Axel screamed. Fire sparked and spat, “Don’t you _dare_ say that shit to me. What kind of a fucking psycho are you?”

The words hit him in the face with heat and moisture. Roxas flinched. 

“Don’t you dare be cute with me. Don’t you dare play with me like this -”

“I’m not playing!” Roxas yelled back. Frustration finally hitting its apex.

“Stop denying it, you piece of _shit_!” Axel spat with venom.

“Deny what?” Roxas raged.

Axel’s flame lit. “You’re fucking cheating on her, you _sick fuck_!” A guttural roar erupted. A clenched fist struck deep into soft tissue.

Pain shot through his core. He wheezed. Arms folded over midsection as Roxas collapsed to the ground. Knees smashed against hard concrete. Forearms went from stomach to ground. Roxas was on all fours, unable to breath, willing himself not to collapse.

Blue eyes squeezed shut with pain. Roxas coughed and sputtered. His lungs burned with need for oxygen. His stomach seared with throbbing agony. Arms trembled. But he managed to lift his gaze after a moment. Stunned and blurring eyes trained on the man above him. 

Blue eyes questioned. Blue eyes flooded. There was no remorse in green. Only sour indignation. Roxas’ bitterness and hurt bristled. If looks could hold venom then Roxas would have poisoned Axel.

Yet Axel remained undeterred and unfazed, like Roxas truly didn't matter to him. He loomed large, towering over Roxas. That once beautiful face lay in ruins, contorted by abysmal rage, and disfigured even further by the rapidly bloating and bruising mark Roxas had left on him. That eye was almost fully shut tight now.

A hand grabbed fistfuls of blonde hair. Roxas’ head pulled up, causing him to grimace and wince in pain.

“You are such a gutless worm. You are a hideous shell of a human being. Where there should be a heart you’ve got _nothing_ , Roxas. You’re such a fucking callous mutt,” the words dripped with disgust. “You make me so fucking _sick_. Go find someone else to use and abuse. _Fuck you_ for making me believe in you. _Fuck you_ for making me think that there could be good people out there, in this stinking cesspool of a city.”

Roxas’ head slammed and cracked against concrete, as Axel threw him away like he was garbage. A splitting pain pulsed in Roxas’ temple. The more he blinked the less he saw, and his ears rang before everything was swallowed up into silence. 

Roxas’ hands cupped his head. He lay on the ground, still trying to get breath into his chest from the earlier punch. A brief moment later the oppressive silence gave way to another round of deafening ringing. Roxas clutched at his ears, trying to drown it out, to no avail. 

He lay in a pool of something disgustingly sticky and pungent. Nausea swirled. The buzzing diminished. City sounds returned. Beeping, buzzing, sirens blaring, pigeons cooing. The sound of life all around was in stark contrast to the cavernous silence between the two men in the alley.

Sound of footsteps fell. Sound of nervous tap, tap, tapping rattled a few tears out of Roxas, stinging his eyes. Something thick, wet and hot slowly oozed down the side of his face. It itched. It burned. He was so cold.

Roxas looked towards the direction where pinpricks of light were beginning to appear. It was possibly the sky? It grew larger and brighter with each passing moment. A shocking red blur appeared and swam before him. Piercing green joined the swirling dance, and blocked out the bright white. 

He found his voice from somewhere deep inside. It carried a pleading desperation with it, “I didn’t… do anything wrong. Axel. I love -” Roxas’ words got cut off. They were swallowed up by a fierce and forced exhale of air out of Roxas’ lungs. His eyes squeezed shut as something hard dug deep into his ribs. Roxas curled in on himself against the sharp pain and struggled to breathe. 

Despite the turmoil, the ringing, the dizzying sickness and the pain in his body Roxas still heard it, as he lay there on the putrid alley floor -

“You’re fucking killing me here, Roxas! How could you? How could you fucking do this to us?” came a voice he hardly recognized. It was pained and brittle, laced and laden with the sound of unshed tears. “I _never_ want to see you again. I fucking _hate you_ , you piece of shit.”

Something warm dripped onto Roxas’ cheek from above. Was it beginning to rain? Heavy breathing and a shaking sob emanated from somewhere. But Roxas didn’t know if it was from himself or from Axel. 

Footsteps reverberated around the narrow alley and began moving away. Roxas’ eyes burned and felt caked with salt and sweat, but he pried them open, whilst water seeped out. He squeezed his lungs. He longed to say something, though he knew not what. And it didn’t matter, because no words came. Only a hoarse squeak and more wheezing. Everything ached. Everything pulsed and leaked.

The world was an underwater mess. Everything was just indistinguishable shapes and shades of dark and light. Except for the splash of red. But even that was fading as it drifted away and merged to become one with the white background.

The ringing in Roxas’ ears crescendoed and his sight diminished and cut out. He succumbed to unconsciousness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Fun Facts!** \- You know, I had a variety of options regarding how I would progress and also end this fic (but don't worry, this chapter is not how it ends). The very sanitary version was that Roxas and Axel never screwed. They just bathed and bathed and got to know each other until one day Roxas had enough and invited Axel over. Axel was gonna see photos that Roxas had on his desk of his brother and his fiance and then they'd have a talk and Roxas would tell him that he has a twin, and it would have ended there with them finally having sex. 
> 
> Another version was that Axel leaves Roxas because he wanted more from their relationship but was sure that Roxas didn't, so Axel wasn't gonna waste his time. But then Roxas would have gone chasing after him. They argued and yelled at each other and Axel finally saw that Roxas cared for him and loved him enough to go to so much trouble.
> 
> I like conflict. Especially with the AkuRoku pairing. Their personalities really lend themselves to anger and yelling and fighting. Which is something I could never do with my beloved Clack pairing. So I decided to indulge and go down the conflict route in this fic.
> 
> Axel's motivation became a lot clearer to me while I was progressing through this fic. He became more fleshed out as a character and got a lot of backstory to justify his actions. But before I settled on Axels actual backstory there were a bunch of different possibilities. Some of the scenarios that Roxas is mulling over in this chapter - as to why Axel left him - were some of the things I actually considered.
> 
> Anyway. I hope I didn't break too many hearts with this chapter. I wanted this conflict to happen because without it the fic would have ended last chapter, or I'd have tied everything up somehow by this chapter. So having this terrible thing happen leaves me with being able to milk a few more chapters out of this story and you guys get a bit more 'fun' as well XD.
> 
> Aaaand... angry song for this chapter, lol! [ This Means War](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=exlGc8eFXI0) \- Nickleback.


	19. The Misunderstanding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas gets showered in brotherly care while he recuperates, and decides to get to the bottom of what exactly went wrong.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! I hope you're all doing fine after last chapter. Thanks to everyone who left me feedback on it. I didn't realise it was going to be such a tear jerker for people :( And apologies for the violence. I'm not planning on making a habit of it when I write for this pairing. I heart AkuRoku too much for that. But in the context of the story it felt justified. Maybe I'm just a terrible human being, *shrugs*
> 
> But anyway, without further ado, here's the next chapter.
> 
> Hope you enjoy :)

Roxas was delightfully numb - drifting on a comfortable cotton cloud. Slowly awareness grew of a brightness somewhere above him. Eyes drifted open.

An unfamiliar, bright and wholly uncompelling ceiling greeted him. He had no idea where he was or how he had gotten there but it wasn't surprising or shocking in the least. His head was too fuzzy to really care. Nothing seemed to matter. He was alive. That is all he knew, or needed to know. 

A steady sound of beeping emanated from somewhere to his side. It matched his breathing from time to time, and was oddly soothing. Roxas continued to stare up at the ceiling for an indeterminable amount of time. Consciousness was something to drift in and out of. It definitely didn’t exist for anything like contemplation.

An unknown amount of time passed by before the stillness of his surroundings was broken by something rattling and sliding.

“Hello Roxas, are you awake?” a gentle and friendly cadence filled the room and Roxas’ ears. Roxas suddenly remembered that he had a head, which he could turn. So he did. He looked at the man who had approached him. He was dressed in paisley fatigues, carrying a clipboard and pen.

Roxas observed him for a moment. The man began consulting his clipboard and checking the equipment. Roxas only realized then that he was hooked up to a bunch of things. Clear plastic suction cups were stuck to his chest. A tube was inserted into a vein on the back of his hand. Roxas also noticed more wires and tubes running parallel to his body, going to God knows where.

How bizarre.

The man smiled warmly at Roxas, between his inspection of the things around Roxas’ imminent vicinity.

“Can you hear me, Roxas?”

Roxas opened his mouth and a squeak came out. He swallowed and cleared his throat. “Ah… yeah,” his voice scratched and scraped uncomfortably from disuse. “Sorry. I’m awake. But… uh - where am I?”

The man flipped some pages on his clipboard. “Radiant Gardens Central Hospital. You were brought in by ambulance at sixteen-hundred hours yesterday. Severe blow to the head, contusion to the ribs. The paramedics found you behind a dumpster. Lucky someone phoned it in.”

A penlight shone into Roxas’ eyes.

He flinched.

Hospital… paramedics… dumpster...

“You’ve got good dilation and seem to be alert enough. Does anything hurt?”

He shook his head, and winced.

“Ah, just be careful when you do that. The painkillers are working but they also can’t fix _everything_. We’ll be keeping you under observation for the next twenty-four hours. Is there anyone to look after you when you get discharged?”

Roxas rasped, “No.”

“We’ll need to get an emergency contact from you. Someone has to monitor you to make sure no subdural haemorrhage forms.”

“What’s that?”

“Clotting in the brain. You got shaken up quite a bit. So you need to be monitored for any signs of fatigue and dizziness. You either stay here for a week, or you get someone to look after you.”

“I can give you my brothers number.”

“That would be great.”

Roxas had MRI’s and X-rays done. The gash on his scalp had been sutures up, and he constantly kept a cold compress plastered against his already freezing body, to help with the bruising to his ribs.

Hospital staff came in periodically to check up on Roxas. They asked him if he remembered his name and date of birth every three hours, and if he knew where he was. He could answer all these questions, but refused to answer when he was asked ‘ _Do you remember what happened?_ ’

He did.

That evening when he lay awake in his lonely hospital bed, the memory of Axel had drifted back to him. Not even the painkillers were able to take the sting and edge off the agony he was experiencing. He couldn’t bring himself to tell anyone. He felt too guilty. Ashamed even. Downright miserable, confused and… heartbroken.

He felt grotesque lying there in that hospital bed, with the heart rate monitor hooked up to him and God knows what else. The steady beeping spiked every time Roxas’ mind cast back to that moment with Axel in the alley. He didn’t know what to think anymore. He had no idea what Axel had been on about. He had never cheated on anyone. He had never even _cared_ enough about anyone before now.

There were a lot of quiet tears that rolled out. He couldn’t feel his broken body at present, but his soul hurt. Roxas found himself pathetic for having such deep feelings for the bastard. It just made him weep more.

Ventus showed up on the second day of Roxas’ hospitalization. There were a lot of pats and tears on Ventus’ behalf. Which didn’t help Roxas in the slightest when it came to keeping his own tears at bay.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah, Ven. Really, I’m fine,” Roxas had said for the fourth time. “Can we just get out of here? I think I hate hospitals.”

Ventus had wiped at his tears with his sleeves and nodded. He left Roxas to get changed into the clothes Ventus had brought with him from Twilight Town, while he hunted down nursing staff to get the discharge proceedings going.

When they were finally cleared to leave, Ventus’ arm slung around Roxas to help support him. They received curious looks as they walked out of there, but the brothers were used to it.

Roxas tried to shrug out of Ventus’ overbearing hold as they walked. “I’m fine, Ven. You don’t have to baby me.”

“Of course I do. You’re my little baby brother.”

It made Roxas roll his eyes, but he also clung a little tighter to Ventus as they made their way to Roxas’ abode.

When they arrived at Roxas’ apartment Ventus went into full caretaker mode.

“Do you need anything? Blankets? Pillows? A drink? Some snacks? I'm gonna cook you mom's chicken stew for dinner.”

“You're gonna cook? Do you want to put me back into hospital?”

“Hey, I've actually improved a lot since I've been living with Liss. She insists I cook at least three times a week and she even eats most of what I make,” Ventus boasted, with puffed out chest and a lot of pride in his smile.

“You know my food standards are higher than hers.”

“And that's exactly why I'm marrying her and not you,” Ventus joked.

Ventus saw to all of Roxas’ needs, both physical and emotional. Regular meal times were kept, painkillers were always at hand, and supportive pats and brotherly hugs were provided when the sobs started coming.

“Remember when Goofy died?” Ventus had asked once.

“Yeah.”

“We never thought we'd ever be happy again. We never wanted another dog.”

That memory was still a dull ache in Roxas’ heart, even after so many years. “Yeah, but then dad brought home Pluto from the shelter and we fell in love,” Roxas had laughed lightly through his tears.

“Do you think Pluto was ever a replacement for Goody?” Ventus had tenderly stroked Roxas’ hair.

“No. Pluto was never that for me. No dog could ever take Goody's place.”

“Mmm, same. I'll always love Goofy. I'll always miss him too, but Pluto filled the empty space that Goofy left.”

“Pluto filled up that space and made it his own,” Roxas had sniffled. He had understood what his brother had been getting at. But he hadn’t really wanted to hear it.

“Yeah. He sure did,” Ventus had patted and rubbed Roxas’ back with compassion.

Ventus had of course known when Roxas had enough of any topic of conversation, and always did what was the kindest thing to do…

“You know, Liss and I are thinking of adopting a shelter dog.”

“Yeah?” Roxas had perked up at the shift of conversation and the brothers began chatting excitedly about breeds and the various temperaments that might best suite Ventus and Melissa's lifestyle.

If they weren't talking about inane things, their time would be filled up with watching TV shows, movies, or spending nights playing video games until they both drifted off into oblivion, out there on the lounge. They didn’t speak about anything overwhelmingly significant. Roxas wasn’t in the mood most of the time. The brothers just focused on being with each other.

When Roxas grew too morose Ventus would go on other trips down memory lane with Roxas. It always seemed to perk him up.

_“Hey, remember that summer we spent building a treehouse?”_

...

_“Remember when you kissed Olette to make Hayner jealous? But she only agreed to doing it coz she thought you were actually me?”_

...

_“What about that time we got Pence and Aqua to distract the the ice cream truck man so we could sneak in the back and steal a box of sea salt ice cream? We laughed so hard. And mom scolded us so bad, making us do chores for our neighbors for a month to repay the ice cream.”_

It made Roxas forget the pain of the present for a little while.

Ventus didn’t push Roxas too much. Generally they stayed in good spirits, or in relative silence when Roxas’ funk got too blue. During those occasions the apartment's disturbing sounds got too much so Ventus always blasted music to drown out said sounds. 

This continued for a week but during a particularly bad spell of misery for Roxas, Ventus finally had enough.

Roxas had been laying on the lounge the entire day, rolled up in Ventus’ blankets, and staring into vacant space.

“Rox, you gotta snap out of this. I can’t be here for much longer, and I also can’t leave you like this. So you either come home with me, and become a doctor or lawyer like mom and dad want you to be, or you stay here. But you gotta suck up all this sadness. Otherwise you’ll never be able to live your geeky computer dreams.”

“How would you feel if Liss left you for no good reason?” Roxas whined, head buried under a pillow.

“She’d never leave me without telling me exactly to my face what was wrong with me,” came the flippant retort. 

Roxas pulled the pillow down firmer against his head. With a sigh Ventus softened up, changing his tune, “But I get this is hard for you. I can’t imagine it, Rox. And it kills me to see you this way.”

Ventus peeled the pillow off Roxas’ head and tousled his brothers shaggy hair. Roxas cast his gaze towards Ventus, face full of splotchy anguish. A comically appalled look lit Ventus’ face, “Remind me to never lose Liss. I don’t want to look like you look right now. It’s not attractive on us.”

Roxas sniffled against his leaking nose. He tragically turned his face up at the ceiling, crossing arms and covering his eyes in misery. “It hurts, Ven,” Roxas whimpered.

Ventus gave a deep resigned sigh. “It's not going to get better by you being like this. So can we try and get to the bottom of what actually happened? I think you've cried enough. I think you've sulked and suffered enough.”

Roxas grumbled and huffed as the lounge dipped slightly. Ventus’ warmth pressed against his side.

Even that action caused bitterness and upset in Roxas, because… His mind drifted back to all the shit Axel had said to him in the alley. That’s nearly all he had been doing for days on end. His mind had desperately scrambled over everything, trying to make sense of it.

But he had come up with nothing.

 _Cheated. Her. What the fuck._ It made no sense. And why bring this up after Roxas brought Axel over to his place? Did he… _had he_? No. Roxas had no photos of Ventus or Melissa around. Unless Axel had snooped through his phone… but even then Axel’d have seen photos of Ventus and Roxas together.

“C’mon, Rox. Snap out of it.” 

A soft tap to the underside of his chin brought Roxas back to the present moment. “He’s such a fucking asshole,” Roxas whined. A sob escaped his throat.

“None of that, Rox. What happened?”

He sniffled. A whimper came out before he could start talking again. “I… confronted the dipshit. I… asked him why he was avoiding me. Why he left.”

“Did you say it just like that? Or did you lose your cool?”

Roxas frowned and pressed his forearms firmer against his face, muffling, “You know how I get.”

“So you completely lost it,” Ventus chuckled.

“There may have been a lot of swearing, and yelling,” Roxas muttered. “But it wasn’t just me either,” he lept at the chance to defend himself. “He was angry too… especially after… I -.” Roxas grew embarrassed.

“What did you do?” Ventus patted Roxas supportively.

“I… punched him. In… the face.”

Ventus snorted. “Oh geez. And then he got you back?”

Roxas nodded sheepishly.

“Oh man.” Ventus breathed out and his voice grew stern after a moment of reflection. “Well I didn't see the shithead in hospital, so clearly you didn't beat him up hard enough,” he growled.

A sob rattled out of Roxas. “I've thought about it so many times, Ven. I don't understand. He kept yelling at me that he didn't want t-to see me again. He said… he said he… _hated_ me. That I… disgust him.” A whimpering sob choked him into silence.

“What the hell. Why would he say that?”

“Because he's a manipulative fucking piece of shit,” Roxas snarled in angry pain.

“Did he say anything else? Tell me you at least yelled at him to give you a proper reason.”

“He called me a cheater. He said something about a ' _her’_ and then he hit me and… and kicked me… and… ,” fat tears rolled out and his face scrunched up. His fingers wound into his hair and he pulled until it hurt, to distract from how bad he felt on the inside.

“Oh Rox.” Ventus’ arms flung around him. They were warm and comforting, but still biting. Ventus buried his head into Roxas’ neck and Roxas’ arms finally left his face and folded over Ventus, pulling him close against himself. 

Ventus was another reminder of how much Roxas missed Axel. He missed his heat - his smell - his voice. A sharp sob and more blubbering tears fell out of Roxas, sliding down his face and catching on Ventus’ hair. Roxas felt so cut up inside. He wished he could forget. He wished he could hate Axel instead of feeling this betrayal and upset.

Roxas let a few more tears and sobs leak out before deciding that he had enough. Ventus was right. Roxas couldn't keep doing this to himself. So he let go of his brother and swallowed his sadness. 

Ventus eased off Roxas. He leaned away to grab some tissues, wiping Roxas’ face dry. “I know you, Rox. You’ve never cheated on anyone in your life. Heck, you've not even really _been_ with anyone -” 

“Yes I have,” he fought back. 

“I don’t count those two. That was a bit of adolescent fun. That was you finding your feet. You can’t tell me the heartache you feel right now compares to how you felt back then.”

Roxas bit his lip to stop it from quivering. “Don’t tell me what I do and don’t feel,” he grumbled, throwing his arms back over his face in dismay.

“Sorry,” Ventus muttered. “Heartache is heartache. No matter who it’s directed towards, I guess. I think I have a sensitivity blind-spot when it comes to you.” 

Roxas heard the soft smile in his brother's voice.

“You do, you ass. You have _awful_ bedside manners _._ Why didn’t you send Liss down to look after me?” he whined.

“Because the hospital called me, and because I love you more, dumb-ass.” Ventus flicked the top of Roxas’ head. Roxas unfurled his arms and grabbed Ventus’ hand. He pulled his brother down towards himself and flicked him right back in his own stupid head.

Ventus flinched and protested with a loud “Hey!”. He grabbed Roxas around the neck, pulling him into a headlock. Roxas was pressed close to Ventus’ chest where he suffered a hard noogie. Roxas screamed and bit Ventus’ arm, which lead to Roxas’ freedom. He glared at his brother and lunged at him. Both toppled onto the floor, narrowly avoiding the coffee table, and scrambled around before Roxas emerged victorious and sat on top of Ventus, straddling his chest, glaring and huffing.

“You’re such an oversensitive shithead, Rox,” Ventus egged on.

“I fucking hate you!” Roxas barked. He leaned over, grabbed two pillows from the lounge, and threw one down at Ventus, with a, “Here”. Then he started beating the shit out of his brother with the other pillow.

They smacked each other with great force. They rolled on the floor, each trying to get the upper hand. They kicked at each other, they smashed pillows against heads, ribs and backs.

But the fierce battle eventually ended, leaving the brothers sitting in the middle of the living space. Backs were pressed firmly against one another, and heavy panting filled the room.

“Feel better?”

“Yeah.”

Ventus grabbed his pillow and pegged it back at the lounge. “Good. So why do you think Axel would ever think you cheated on him?”

Roxas pouted. “I don't know. I don't know what changed from us having… we had _such_ an amazing night, Ven,” Roxas’ insides clenched in pain. “We had so much fun. And then… we… it was the most incredible night of sex I've ever had. I don't know why he left. When would I ever even find the time to cheat? My whole world’s been revolving around that prick,” Roxas spat in anger.

“You… don’t think he might have gotten us mixed up or something? You’ve never told him I even exist, right?”

“I didn't tell him about you - And it shouldn’t matter. I love you and everything, but I don’t have any photos of us or you and Liss anywhere in my apartment. So… ,” he shrugged.

“Oh.”

They sat in silence for a moment before both let out identical groans.

Thinking about, and rehashing the past wasn't going to change anything. Roxas started thinking about what other options he had open.

“You don’t know where he lives? No way of contacting him? Can’t even get the cops on his arse and charge the guy with assault? I’m not cool with him mangling you up the way he did.” Ventus’ back left Roxas’. 

His face appeared in front of Roxas moments later. A hand ran through Roxas’ hairline to look at the healing wound.

Roxas flinched lightly. “No… I don’t know anything… but -.”

“But?”

Roxas did have one lead which he didn’t want to share with Ventus. He really needed to stop moping, and start stepping into action. “Oh it’s nothing. I just thought I remembered the company he works for - but I don’t. I don’t think he ever told me.”

“God, you’re hopeless. Too busy screwing around to get any decent info on the guy. You sure you don't know anything else about that jerk?” Ventus looked at Roxas with skepticism.

Roxas cast his eyes to the ground.

“Roxas.”

“No, really. I don't know anything.” It wasn't even a lie. He only held a strong suspicion which needed following up.

Ventus groaned in frustration, probably not buying what Roxas was trying to sell. “Whatever, Rox! You’re such a dumb-ass.” He pulled their heads together and huffed out quietly. “Why do I love you again?”

“Coz we’re brothers and you can’t get out of it,” Roxas answered meekly.

Ventus chuckled lightly under his breath before silence filled the gap between them.

“Did you at least give him a real nice shiner?”

“Yeah,” Roxas muttered. He felt sick thinking about it though.

“Good.”

“No, it’s not. I shouldn’t have hit him. Maybe he wouldn't have hit me if I had just kept to myself.”

“Maybe. But there’s no point worrying about ‘ _what if’s’_. You’re both as bad as each other. But I am leaning more towards him being worse. He didn’t have to kick you while you were down. That’s such a fucking low blow…”

Roxas groaned in pain at Ventus’ terrible - but deliberate - choice of words.

Ventus sniggered and made himself comfortable on the floor, facing Roxas. “So what you want to do about this Axel situation? Do you want to get him back by reporting him?”

Roxas shook his head. “I want to know what the truth is. I want to understand. I don’t want it to be over between us. Not if this is just a fucking stupid misunderstanding. And it’s gotta be, Ven. It’s just gotta be.” More tears started welling up.

Ventus pulled Roxas against himself and rubbed at his head. “It’ll be ok,” he tried to sooth.

Roxas gripped Ventus’ shirt and pressed his face into his brother's shoulder. Ventus hummed and swayed them both gently. Gradually Roxas’ soft sobs petered out. 

Scratching and scraping sounds like millions of insects moving through the walls drifted to their ears.

“You need to move out of here, Rox. This place is creepy.”

“Mmm… you get used to it after a while,” he lied.

* * *

 

Ventus had gone out to do the grocery shopping that Saturday. He was planning on leaving and heading back home by Wednesday, so he wanted to make sure Roxas was all stocked up. This gave Roxas the perfect opportunity to venture outside for the first time in over a week. He headed to subway stop ten. Roxas backtracked his steps from that afternoon when he had stalked Axel to that guy's place. Axel’s new fuck-buddy was the only link Roxas had to the redhead. It was worth checking out.

He grimaced as he hurried past the alley where he and Axel had yelled at each other. He still felt infinitely weepy. It had only been three weeks since Axel disappeared from Roxas’ life. If Roxas couldn’t fix this… if he couldn’t get to the bottom of understanding what happened - and he and Axel were through for good - it would take more than three weeks to heal and mend his aching heart. 

Roxas had truly appreciated his brother's presence. He didn’t know how he would have coped with the crippling seclusion on his own if it hadn’t been for Ventus. But now he had to get himself back up and on top. He wasn’t going back to live with his parents. No way! So he had to make it work for himself in this city instead.

Roxas knew he didn’t need Axel in his life. But he still desperately _wanted_ him. All the words Axel had spoken really grated at Roxas. Nothing made sense. He hated the idea of losing what they had because of some misunderstanding. Because that’s what this had to be. He desperately clung onto that belief as he trudged through the city streets. His mind was set on _actually_ having a calm conversation with Axel this time around.

Roxas found the offensive duplex, after some wrong turns. He didn’t know what he would really do if someone answered the door though. He figured he would just inquire about Axel - claim he was an old friend and had heard that Axel could be found there. Maybe that would work? With some disgruntled distaste Roxas pushed the wrought-iron gate open and bravely approached the cheerful looking wooden door. It still bore some leftover christmas decorations, as well as a number eight which was bolted to the doorframe.

He knocked twice and felt the turbulence in his stomach broiling like a fierce and stormy ocean.

A sickeningly cheerful voice filtered through the door. “ _Heeeey, Axy-poo, did you forget someth-.”_ Dirt-blonde flung the door wide open and stared at Roxas in bewilderment. The man swept his bangs aside and scratched at the side of his head. Roxas gawked back at the man with the weird mohawk and bits of mullet in the back. 

“You’re not Axel.”

“I - er… I’m looking for Axel,” Roxas tried at an attempt to answer the unspoken question of ‘ _What the hell are you doing at my front door?’_.

Blue eyes suddenly narrowed and scrutinized Roxas in minute detail. The stranger's face leaned in close towards Roxas’ own. Eyes turned to dangerous slits, and a quiet whisper questioned him, “Are you… _Roxas?”_

Roxas’ heart dropped and pounded ferociously in his sneakers. This guy _knew_ about him? Axel had _talked_ about Roxas to this guy? Desperation took over, “Please, I want to talk to Axel.”

“Oh my God. You _are_ , aren't you!” The man gasped, but composed himself quickly. “He’s not here, go away.”

Roxas jumped. The door slammed in his face. He shook the shock out of himself and started banging on the barrier. “Open the door! I wanna speak to Axel!”

“ _Mister Sullivan is not here. Abscond immediately, or I will call the appropriate authorities_ ,” came the way too formal speech.

 _Sullivan_? Axel's initials were… _A.S_!? Roxas blinked and then pounded at the door harder.

“Can you tell me where I can find him?”

“ _He doesn't wanna see you, get lost!_ ”

Roxas was still too fragile to deal with that truth. A whimper squeezed out of his throat. He melted to the ground. Roxas squatted there, hunched over his knees. He pressed his face into hands and ground his teeth, desperate to keep the tears inside.

What was he supposed to do now? This had been his only lead. He didn’t want it to end here. After a few beats of Roxas trying to maintain his cool and plan his next course of action, the door opened slightly. Roxas looked up towards the crack that had formed. 

Cautious eyes darted out, surveying the street. Roxas heard the faint self-muttering of, “ _Did he actually leave_?”

In a moment of weakness, tears leaked out and one of Roxas’ pathetic sobs shook his chest. The sound drew dirt-blonde’s attention to the ground. He seemed startled for a moment and then the door opened a little wider, “Whatcha doing down there?”

Roxas couldn’t say anything, but his face stretched out wide in a pained and silent cry. Roxas was suddenly grabbed by the arm, pulled up and lead inside.

The interior hallway was bright and tiled. He was pulled to the left, through an archway and into a living room, where he was sat down on a plush couch. The tears kept falling, and a tissue box was offered from a safe distance. Dirt-blonde was treating Roxas like he was a dangerous animal. Like Roxas could attack and pounce at any moment. Somehow that made Roxas feel even worse. Roxas should _never_ have hit Axel. No matter what. He took the offered box and wiped at his face, blowing his nose vigorously.

“You want something to drink?” came the excruciatingly wary question.

Roxas nodded. 

Dirt-blonde looked a bit confused, staring at Roxas with open mouth and bewildered eyes. But Roxas didn’t offer a suggestion as to what he might like to have. After a moment mouth clamped shut and the man left, heading around the corner of the ‘L’ shaped living room. Footsteps faded away, leaving Roxas to continue blowing his nose with great sorrow and zest. 

He looked around himself. The hallway was to his right. There was a stairwell leading up to what would probably be the bedroom and bathroom. There was a window-seat behind Roxas, overlooking the street and a tiny balcony. The living room had modern furnishings, a softly carpeted dark grey floor, and everything else was bright and white. There was a stand for a strange looking instrument near the corner where the room disappeared into the unknown. Though the kitchen was probably through there, if Roxas had to guess. 

He could hear a kettle boiling and drawers being open and closed from the direction the man had left in. But Roxas’ attention was drawn to the bookshelves which lined the opposite wall. They seemed filled to the brim with all different kinds of books. Thin, thick. Tall, short. Books with matching spines - which were probably series - and all manner of other colorful, and not so colorful covers. Roxas also spied some comics he recognized, and video game guides, as well as actual games and movies as well. 

He peeled his eyes off the fantastic collection of media to also look at the myriad of picture frames which lined some of the shelves. From this distance he could make out shocking red and blonde figures. Always standing together, in front of different sceneries - some city, some country. There were so _many_ photographs of them. Roxas felt confused about seeing all the frames. How long had these guys known each other for? Wasn’t this guy just one of Axel’s newest fucks?

Dirt-blonde returned with a steaming cup of something fruity smelling. He put it on the coffee table in front of Roxas, making sure to find a coaster for it to sit on. “Axel said you liked sweet things,” murmured the too gracious host. The resentment in his voice was unmistakable though.

“Thanks,” Roxas muttered. 

He was met with an indifferent shrug, folded arms across chest, and cold eyes. “So what do you want?”

“A-Axel,” his voice broke woefully.

Blue eyes narrowed once again. “You seem confused about what you want.”

“Confused? No. I’m not,” Roxas said with conviction.

“If that’s true are you gonna call it off?”

“Call what off?”

His host gave a groaning sigh. “The wedding, duh.”

Now Roxas genuinely _was_ confused. “ _Wedding_? What wedding?”

“Are you messing with us? Why’re you messing with us? You really _are_ crazy. I didn’t wanna believe Axel, but geez, man. Stop pretending, like seriously.”

Roxas felt himself getting angry from bewilderment. “I’m starting to think Axel and everyone he knows is crazy. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I don’t know why Axel got so upset with me,” Roxas clutched at his head. A new wave of hurt and tears rushed over him. He bit at his lower lip in frustration, and tried to stop it from quivering pathetically. He sniffed back the discharge from his nose once more.

Desperate to warm his icy fingers he grabbed at the offered hot beverage.

Dirt-blonde knelt before Roxas, looking up at him with - perhaps pity? - or some sort of genuine sympathy.

“I really wanna like you, Roxas. Everything Axel’s ever told me about you has made me wanna like you, so quit messin’ around. Just fess up and maybe we can all still be friends.”

“I’m not messing around. I-”

The kindness dissipated. “Axel saw the wedding invites at your place. It had your face and everything on it.” A pointed finger was poked against Roxas’ forehead. “How do ya explain _that_?”

Roxas’ eyes widened slowly and his jaw slackened in realization. The fucking _wedding invites_! How had Roxas missed it? He had packed all the test-prints away when he had tidied everything up.

“A-ha! I knew it! See, you can’t deny it. The guilt is written all over your face!” The other man jumped up in triumph.

“No… it’s… ” Roxas gazed into blank space, and then eyes traced their way up to lock onto the other man’s face in desperation. “Not my wedding.”

“Don’t be stupid. Axel even grabbed one of those invites before he left, to prove that he wasn't crazy. Here, let me show you.” The man quickly left the room, and bounded up the stairs, two at a time. Roxas could hear the stomping and creaking of floorboards above his head. 

Axel had… he had thought Ventus was Roxas. He had thought that Roxas was getting hitched. “It… it’s all a fucking _misunderstanding_!” he muttered aloud, feeling winded.

Relief unknotted his tight insides. If he could make them believe that it wasn’t Roxas’ wedding he could fix everything! A positivity Roxas hadn’t felt in weeks rushed through him. It slightly warmed the coldest depths of his being, even more so than the tea he was currently cradling.

By the time the other man returned a smile had materialized on Roxas’ face.

“Undeniable proof!” The wedding invite was waved in front of Roxas’ face victoriously.

“Yeah, see that’s not me. That’s my brother, Ventus. We’re twins,” Roxas couldn’t keep the excitement from his voice. Everything was all right. He felt so light!

The other man’s brow furrowed, “A likely and _very_ convenient story, Mister.”

“But it’s true. I’m not getting married to Melissa.” Roxas grabbed the paper out of the other man’s hands to properly examine it while he sipped his tea. His eyes scanned the abused invite. It had been crinkled, ripped up and singed at the edges, only to have been sticky taped back together again. 

It was rather unfortunate.

That one had been the version without their names printed on it. Roxas had been messing with the placement of the text and had still been looking for the right typeface for their names at that stage of the design. But otherwise everything else was on the invite. It had all the details on it, as well as a sickeningly cute photograph of Ventus and Melissa looking stupidly in love.

He handed the paper back to the guy.

“Look, I can prove to you that it’s not me.” Roxas fished around his pocket for his phone. When he found it he flicked through his gallery. He had a bunch of photos from their twenty-fifth birthday still saved. He had been too lazy to move them onto his computer. Laziness was paying off in this instance. He thrust his phone at dirt-blonde and watched the man flip through the gallery.

Roxas sipped at his fruitilicious and rather sweet tea, while he waited for the truth to set them all free of suspicion. He derived satisfaction from the way that sour and disbelieving look shifted into astonishment and then into a wild smile. Roxas was greeted with a starry eyed gaze when the other man looked up from the phone. Suddenly arms were firmly thrown around him, nearly causing Roxas to spill his drink all over them.

“Hey, watch it!”

“Sorry, sorry! But oh my god! _Oh my god_! Oh. My. _God_!” Dirt-blonde ripped himself away from Roxas to look at him, “It’s really _true_!” He breathed a _huge_ sigh of relief, bending his body at the waist in exaggeration and holding out Roxas’ phone.

“Oh to think Axy-poo was so upset about nothing. Gosh, we’re gonna laugh so hard about this one day.”

“So… do you mind telling me what’s actually going on? Why was he so upset about this? He should have just fucking asked me.” Roxas took his phone back, somewhat dazed. He was reeling from the fact that their fallout had been caused by such small a thing. Axel had never seemed like the type of guy who’d horrendously overreact to stuff. At least maybe only in jest, but never seriously.

“Did you guys do nothing but fanboy about stuff and fuck each other?”

Roxas’ mouth flapped open, trying to find words, but instead the heat only rose to his face. “I -we… _talked_ …”

“Yeah, but clearly about nothing important.”

Roxas’ embarrassment only grew.

“Settle down, and let Uncle Demyx tell you a story most foul,” the man motioned for Roxas to scooch over so dirt-blonde could sit next to him.

“ _Uncle Demyx_?” Roxas quirked an eyebrow and moved along the couch, so the other man could sit down.

“Oh, yeah, how rude of me. Hey, I’m Demyx, nice to finally meetcha, Roxas.” A hand was extended.

Roxas took it, muttering a small “Hi, Demyx,” in response.

Demyx shuddered and Roxas gave his automatic response of, “Sorry.”

“Axel wasn't kidding about how cold you are, huh.” Demyx grabbed Roxas’ hand one more time to make sure he hadn't somehow imagined the whole thing. He shuddered again. “ _Urgh… I guess whatever gets him off,_ ” Demyx muttered to himself. “Anyway!” he flopped down next to Roxas. “Did you know that about… mmm… when was it?” Demyx thought for a bit, muttering to himself. “Oh yeah, that’s right. Five years ago now Axel was gonna get married.”

Roxas choked on the sip of tea he was partaking in, coughing and spluttering a little. Demyx patted his back lightly. He got his breath back but his mouth just hung open. All he could do - aside from shake his head minutely - was to make a stupid grunting sound. 

Axel was gonna… _marry_? That made no sense. He knew what bands Axel liked, and what his favorite TV shows and movies were. He knew Axel’s hopes and dreams for the future and where his preferred holiday destination would be. He knew how the man felt about politics and religion. He knew what his favorite foods and animals were. 

Marriage and relationships… those weren’t things Axel did though. Roxas had been so sure. And now he was uncertain, confused and truly clueless. Apparently he knew nothing about Axel. Nothing about the guy he loved. It was embarrassing.

“Well I guess you can wipe that look off your face. It’s not something he likes to talk about, so don’t feel _too_ bad. Though… I did think he’d have told you about this stuff by now.” Demyx shrugged dismissively and began lightly bouncing on the couch in mild excitement. He seemed thrilled to be able to tell someone something they had never heard before.

Roxas tried to balance his tea without spilling it due to Demyx’s turbulence, but then decided to put it back down on the coffee table. The other man seemed to be a hazard where liquids were concerned.

“He was really gonna get married?” Roxas couldn’t disguise the incredulity in his voice. 

“Yeah. He had planned and organized the whole thing himself. He had been with this chick, Tamara, for ten years. It’s best to never mention her by name though. We just call her _‘The T-Rex’_. Remember that. That’s important, ok?”

Roxas nodded.

“Before you ask - I’ve never met her. But Axel told me _everything_ there’s to know. I’m your resident expert on this matter. So pay attention.” Demyx gave Roxas a stern look, and Roxas nodded vigorously, still wide eyed.

“They were freshmen sweethearts and kind of just stuck together since school. Axel _really_ loved her. They did everything together in high school, but then after graduation they had different life paths in mind.”

Demyx tapped at his chin in thoughtful contemplation. “Axel first moved to Radiant Gardens to work, but The T-Rex stayed at Hollow Bastion to continue her studies. Those few years were really rough on Axel. He traveled so much to be with her. He did _everything_ for her, and she never gave anything back. He was so keen to get married to her and spend the rest of his life with her, you know? So he forgave a lot of things.”

Roxas swallowed down the hard lump in his throat. This description of Axel seemed alien. The discomfort inside himself only grew.

Demyx’s voice turned grave. “But she was cheating on him, with his _best friend_ , Siax. Remember that name as well, ok? Axel is quite bitter with him too.”

Roxas found his voice again, “What… _really?_ They did that to Axel? _”_ he asked in astonishment. His heart clenched in sorrowful pain.

“Yeah, really.”

“Wow.” Roxas felt off balance. “N- no amusing nickname for him?” he queried, not knowing what else to say to news like that.

“We just call him ‘ _The Bastard_ ’, but _Saix_ is easier to say. But anyway, Axel found out about it. He caught them screwing each other a few days before the wedding,” Demyx said solemnly. “Can you believe it?”

Roxas just sat, looking at Demyx with bewilderment and shock nestled on his features. No… he really _couldn’t_ imagine. Couldn’t imagine what that must have been like. A big frown of sadness appeared after a moment. “That’s really messed up,” he got out hoarsely.

“Yeah, tell me about it,” Demyx nodded sadly. “It broke his heart. It broke the good he saw in people. For a while there he didn’t talk to any of his _actual_ friends. The ones who wouldn’t stab him in the back. But he talked to me a lot. I play at a bar that Axel used to go to heaps. He swung by even more after his life went to shit. He drank a lot and I think me eyeing him off got to him eventually.”

“You eyed him off?”

“Yeah, of course. Who wouldn’t? That hair, those eyes. Mmm, yum! You know _exactly_ what I’m talking about,” Demyx giggled and nudged him.

Roxas swallowed his unease. He felt a bit sick.

“I was Axel’s first after the marriage got canned. He was really vulnerable,” Demyx frowned. “He told me a lot of things and we became good friends. We moved in together and had some pretty good sex. I like to think I taught him everything he knows,” Demyx giggled with glee. 

“You two…” Oh no. Why had Roxas even asked? He really didn’t want to know.

“Yeah. But we were always just friends with benefits. Never exclusive, which suited me fine. He just wanted to screw lots of people since he missed out on doing that through his teenage years. So he went around and hooked up with randoms on the side, so he could get lots of different experiences. And try to put the past behind him. Axel really didn’t want another relationship. He told me ‘ _never again’_ , and I told him what a silly idiot he was being.”

Now _that_ did sound like the Axel Roxas had met. But he found it hard to breath. His chest felt too tight, and his heart was pounding a little too fast. It hurt to listen to Demyx. Maybe Axel really was a dirt bag and left because he knew that Roxas wanted something meaningful… ? Roxas didn’t want it to be true.

“It was actually really good that we weren’t exclusive, otherwise I’d never have met my Zexy.” Demyx feigned a swoon, melting onto Roxas shoulder, and clutched at his chest.

The contact pulled Roxas out of his brooding. “Zexy?” He tried to push Demyx off lightly, to no avail.

“Yeah. He’s my sweety-pie. I met him three years ago. Axel introduced us. I finally started going out with him almost two years ago.” Demyx gasped and pulled himself upright. “I need to plan our anniversary! Something super romantic -”

Roxas cleared his throat. 

“Oh… sorry,” Demyx laughed a little at himself, “So Axel and I called things off. He’s got a real big thing about not cheating on people, or going behind anyone's back.”

Roxas nodded vigorously, “Yeah, completely understandable.” It was amazing. The picture of Axel was becoming far more fleshed out. No wonder Axel had gotten so upset that time in the tub. And… if Axel had thought the wedding… A sickening cold storm blew through Roxas. It… must have felt like history repeating itself or something. His eyes began stinging. A tickle grew in his nose. Poor Axel. Roxas felt miserable.

“Anyway, and then he went around again, sleeping with even _more_ people once I was out of the picture. I hardly ever saw him at home. He was always out. But I didn’t really think anything of it. But then something weird happened.” 

Demyx drew closer to Roxas and lowered his voice, “It was during spring last year. He was bringing all these weird shoes home. They started piling up all down here. I told him he needed to stop it, or soon we’d become a shoe warehouse. I helped him sort through everything and donate them. He behaved a bit more after that. But yeah, I thought he had gone nuts. Especially when he came home wearing stilettoes.” Demyx shook his head.

Butterflies danced around Roxas’ stomach at the memories being brought up.

“Then I thought _‘well what if he’s trying to impress someone?_ ’ That really got me thinking.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. I asked him a bunch of times what was up. He told me to mind my own business. By then I got _super_ suspicious, because he’s never had a problem telling me about the people he’s been seeing. Axel got a bit mopey after a couple of months. Zexy helped me throw an intervention party for Axel. All our friends came around. Axel got even _more_ pissed off though,” Demyx laughed.

“But we got him blind drunk and then when everyone was gone he finally spilled the beans to me. He told me all about the ‘ _cute guy_ ’,” Demyx elbowed Roxas gently, “who refused to look up at him on his way to and from work, no matter how obnoxious Axel was trying to be. I suggested that maybe he should stop being annoying then.”

“He really _was_ obnoxious. I didn’t want to dignify his behavior with a response,” Roxas reflected with a yearning smile.

“Ha! I knew it,” Demyx celebrated. “I tried to brainstorm with Axel ways to get your attention, but he didn’t like anything we came up with. I found it weird that he was putting so much effort into the whole thing. I told him to just pull your hood off and kiss you, coz that’s worked pretty well for him in the past.”

Roxas grimaced. “That would _definitely_ not have worked on me.”

“You sure? He’s just got these eyes that… mesmerize you,” Demyx buzzed.

Roxas felt staunch in his resolve. “Definitely wouldn’t have worked. I’d have smashed his pointy nose in.”

Demyx laughed. “All right then. Good thing he _didn’t_ listen to me, I guess. But anyway, after a while we stopped talking about you and I thought Axel had just lost interest and moved on. Though he still came home with weird shoes, but just said they were comfy and he needed to feed the consumer whore living inside himself, so I didn’t think much of it.”

Demyx reclined on the couch, folding his hands behind his head, staring off into the room. “But he got a bit aggro again after a while. Slamming doors, and playing his loud music. I got complains from our neighbors so I had to tell him he needed to cut the crap or I was gonna kick him out.”

“Really? You’d do that?”

“Nah, not really,” Demyx brushed off with a cheerful smile, “But I wanted to scare him. Not that I think it worked or he believed me. But he did chill out a bit. He got really sick during the summer. That flu-demic hit him pretty hard. Did you catch that?”

Roxas shook his head

“Ah, ok then.”

“What about Axel…?”

“Oh yeah, so he was cooped up inside for a week, which seemed to make him really eager to talk. He told me that he was still going for you. I was like ‘ _Why?_ ’ because he really never makes an effort for people. Usually he gets approached, or if he makes eyes at people they just get drawn to him. But anyway, I think he was high on flu-meds when he said that you looked really comfortable and that he wanted to wrap you up and cuddle you all night.” Demyx laughed and shook his head.

Roxas’ heart yearned for Axel, but he frowned. Roxas knew Axel could be really sweet… but it had taken them a while to get to that point. “He really said that?” Roxas felt dubious about Axel seemingly liking him so much before they ever even properly met in that hotel room.

“Yeah. He’s a big mushy bear when his guard’s down,” Demyx chuckled, but mellowed out a little and sighed. “Axel was so eager to get back to work. That’s another reason I knew something was up. He doesn’t hate his work but he also doesn’t love it,” Demyx mused. “So he was real glad to get out of the house and back on the train with you but he got all grumpy again because he thought you disappeared. He was so pissed, grumbling about how he’d ‘ _missed his chance_ ’. I told him you were probably sick or something.”

“I had to go back home for Ven and my birthday.”

“Ooohh, so that was the reason.”

“D-did he miss me?” Roxas wasn’t sure what to think of Axel right now. A massive part of himself was leaning towards Axel really loving Roxas. But a very small part of himself was also unsure.

“Well by the noise he was making I’d say yeah.” Demyx groaned a little and rubbed his face, as if really exhausted. “I tried telling him he was worried about nothing. That you’d be back. He went a bit quiet for a while. And then he started coming home earlier and just seemed… _happy_ ,” Demyx shrugged his shoulders. 

“So of course I had to ask him if he ever got into your pants. He said no but that he was working on it. He told me about the hotel room business. I told him how stupidly crazy he was being. Usually he just does strangers in public bathrooms at clubs and bars. So that’s fine because there’s people around. He only goes to hotels for second fucks, once he’s vetted his partners. None of us were happy with Axel being so reckless. I’m glad you’re not a psycho, Roxas.”

Roxas laughed. “I’m glad Axel isn’t one either.”

“You guys are perfect for each other.”

“You think so?” Roxas squeaked timidly, fighting down the hopeful smile. Since he couldn’t talk to Axel personally right now, getting all this information from someone who _had_ known Axel for a long time seemed better than nothing.

“Yeah. Both insane, and from what Axel tells me you like a lot of the same stuff. Music, Arcades… taking dumb photos together.”

“Hey!” Roxas protested.

Demyx giggled. “Alright, not dumb. The photos were really adorable. Axel showed them to us as some kind of ‘ _proof’_ that you were all right. But all it really showed was that you two seemed stupidly in love.”

“No we weren’t. Not at that point,” Roxas dismissed weakly.

“Whatever you say. But I know what ‘ _in love_ ’ people look like. And it was how you two looked. But not in the photos that he first showed to me and our friends. I went looking through his wallet because I needed some cash and I found his stash of lovesick photos of you two being all gooey with each other,” he snickered.

Heat rose to Roxas’ cheeks. Yeah… there was probably some truth to that. Roxas kept those photos all to himself as well. When he looked at them he always felt _something_. Demyx seemed to have hit the nail on the head with identifying what it was exactly.

“We really took a long time to realize the obvious, huh,” Roxas muttered, feeling ever more hopeful that Axel hadn’t been faking this whole time.

A hand fell on Roxas’ shoulders. “Nothing wrong with that. I think Axel needed all that time because how burned he had been from his past. I think you made the idea of being with someone fun and exciting for him. You’re so different from everyone else he had been with. I think it was good for him. It was even good you guys had that weird break-up.”

“Break-up? We never… that wasn’t a break up,” Roxas loathed thinking back on that argument.

“Sure looked like a break-up from where I was sitting. Axel moped and sulked around the house for two weeks. He never did that, unless he was thinking of the T-Rex or you. I tried to be a good friend and fill him up with alcohol so he’d tell me what the matter was. He grumbled about how you two weren’t having sex and he didn’t know what was wrong. -That nearly gave me a heart attack. I thought Axel had gotten terminally ill or something.”

“Why?” Roxas frowned.

“Because at that point Axel hadn’t been screwing _anyone_. Not for several months. Definitely not since you guys went to the arcade together.”

A chill ran through Roxas. “What? No. That’s not right. Axel always told me how he went out and screwed people all the time.”

Demyx shook his head. “He most definitely wasn’t. He always came home. He started watching more television, and started getting a real hankering for watching those lame cooking shows. I’d hear him laughing his head off, like it was the best and most entertaining thing he’d ever seen. I just thought he was having an incredible time with you. Which even in and of itself was weird because he only had me as his regular fuck-buddy until I started dating Zexy. And then he got Larxene to replace me.”

“Larxene?”

“Yeah, she’s a… _was_ a… sort of friend. She used to come around once in a while, or Axel would go to her and they would shag real loud. Larxene is kinda like Axel. They both are each other’s ‘ _go to screw_ ’s’ when they feel miserable or can’t score for the night. She came around one night wanting to screw, but Axel rejected her. They got in a massive argument. Axel was shouting at her how he was calling their arrangement off and that he didn’t want to see her again. She called him all kinds of colorful things. It wasn't pretty. I tried to drown them out with music.”

“Our neighbors called the cops on us. Noise complaint. And then it took the rest of the night to sort everything out. The police actually removed Larxene once she started threatening everyone, and then we had the great fun of filling out a bunch of incident reports.” Demyx yawned, as if the memory of it all was exhausting. “I told Axel to stay home and get some sleep, but he was all like ‘ _no_ ’. He never admitted it but I could tell that the days he got to hang out with you were his favorite. He’d have way more energy. He’d do everything in his power to be on that train with you.”

Roxas really liked hearing that. It made his body buzz.

“I teased him, saying that he was in love with you. Or why else would he reject Larxene? Why not use the valid excuse of being up all night talking to police as a way to skip out on work for once? He had no comeback, which was kind of amazing. He just grumbled and stomped out of the house,” Demyx beamed with excitement.

An incredible shiver ran through Roxas’ body. “Y-you really think he felt that way about me way back then?”

“Well I can't be surewhen it happened exactly… but I'm pretty sure it was some time around then. He definitely wasn't seeing anyone. He wasn’t screwing me. He _definitely_ wasn’t doing anything with Larxene after _that_ incident. He stayed home. He seemed happy for the most part. It was so weird. Again… I kinda thought he was sick for a while. I asked him what was wrong with you. Like maybe you had leprosy or syphilis or something. But he was like ‘ _No, I just want him to be comfortable with me’_. Completely weird. Axel doesn't care about other people all that much, you know. I mean it when I say he _never_ made an effort for anyone. That was the realm of the try hards’ who were ‘ _doomed to have their hearts broken and smashed apart’_. The T-Rex made him really cynical. When I think about it I don’t even know how I’m friends with him,” Demyx gave an eyeroll. “But anyway he seemed to care about you,” Demyx shrugged.

“W-what about now?” Roxas asked in trepidation. “Do you think he still cares for me?” That was the only question that mattered. No matter what happened in the past, the answer to that question would determine Roxas’ actions from here on in.

“Definitely. If he didn’t he’d be far happier.”

His insides squeezed. It was so good to hear. But Roxas frowned. “Where is he, Demyx? I need to speak to him. I gotta clear all of this up.” It seemed more urgent than ever before.

“I don’t know where he went. I think he’s out picking up randoms right now to screw.”

The casual tone that news was delivered with caused Roxas to grimace.

“Oh, sorry.”

“No, it’s ok.” Roxas looked down at his hands. “Is he - seeing a _lot_ of people?”

“He’s out every night. Just like he used to be. And when he’s home he uses me as a distraction.”

“Uses you? But I thought you and… you have a boyfriend.”

“Yeah. When Axel came back from your place he was _fuming_ for days. He’s _still_ fuming about it, actually. He raged at me all night and day when he first found your wedding invite - I mean your brother’s wedding - you _seriously_ have a twin? That is _so_ cool! I sometimes wonder what it’d be like to have a twin -”

“Er - Demyx,” Roxas interrupted.

“Hmm?… Oh sorry. What was I saying?”

“Axel was fuming.”

“Ah, yeah. He broke half our kitchenware. He’s really heartbroken. No matter how much sex he’s gonna have it won’t fix it. Axel’s a stupid pea-brain for not realizing that,” Demyx sighed. “I talked to my Zexy for a long time and we agreed that I needed to be there for Axel for a bit. So him and me kind of got back into our old arrangement. But it’s not supposed to be a permanent solution.”

“So you guys are…”

“I give him pity sex. It’s nothing,” Demyx waved off. “He mostly wants to cuddle now anyway. He was never big on cuddles before. You might be making him into a better man.” Demyx smiled encouragingly at Roxas.

But despite the softness it still bit into Roxas. He couldn’t get over how casual sex was for some people. Maybe Roxas put too much emphasize on it? Maybe he would learn to be cool about it one day? But right now Roxas hurt at the idea of Axel sharing himself with other people so readily. He sighed.

“Oh cheer up, Roxas. The fact that it’s not your wedding changes _everything_!” Demyx spoke with overwhelming cheer. He ruffled Roxas’ hair gently, laughing and muttered to himself softly, _“Axel’s right. It really is soft and fluffy.”_

Demyx’ hand however grazed over the sutures and staples which held Roxas’ wound together while it healed. Roxas flinched.

“Oh no, sorry. You all right?” Demyx pushed hair away to take a closer look. “Oh geez. Did - did Axel do that to you?”

Roxas removed Demyx’ hand from his head and brushed his hair back in place. “Yeah, he did. But I’m fine. I was in hospital for a few days though.”

“Urgh. Axel,” Demyx cursed and scrunched his nose up in irritation. Roxas received a sympathetic pat on his shoulder. “I’m glad you’re ok. He didn’t break anything did he?”

Roxas shook his head lightly, before muffling, “Only my heart.” The memory still stirred deep pain and tears within himself. He never wanted something like that to happen again.

Demyx’s eyes looked like they would spill with tears at any moment. “Oh no. That’s - so sad. I’m so sad for the two of you that this happened, Roxas.”

It was Roxas’ turn now to give a sympathetic pat to the other man. “It’s ok, Demyx. Things will get better, right?” He gave a small smile.

It seemed to chase Demyx’s weepiness away. “Yeah. You’re right! I know Axel’s sorry for what he did. He called an ambulance for you on his way home, just in case you didn’t wake up. I was really mad at him for just leaving you there though,” Demyx growled. “I made him march us back to where he left you to check up on you, but you were gone by then.”

“He… called…?”

“Of course. He still cares for you.”

Roxas’ heart fluttered. Warmth returned. “Is… is he ok? I - punched him pretty hard.”

“Yeah, he’s fine. The swelling went down after a few days. He’s still looking a bit green around the edges but otherwise he’s fine,” Demyx shrugged. “You didn’t fracture anything.”

Roxas breathed a sigh of relief. “I feel so terrible about the whole thing.”

“Axel will live, so don’t worry about it. He came home really angry and crying. He’s been angry and crying so much over the last three weeks. It’s not something I’ve seen that often, to be honest with you,” Demyx tapped at his lower lip thoughtfully.

Roxas groaned. “This is all such a stupid misunderstanding.”

Demyx sighed. “Yeah, you’re telling _me_! Man… I _still_ can’t believe it’s not _your wedding_!” A high pitched laugh rolled out of the man. “Axel’s gonna be over the moon!”

“I want to see him, Demyx. I want to clear all this stuff up about the wedding,” Roxas ached for Axel. “Can I just stick around until he comes back and show him the photos?”

Demyx opened his mouth to reply, but his breath seemed to catch and still. He slapped a hand over his mouth and gave Roxas a funny look.

Roxas grew uncomfortable. “What is it?”

“ _Hang on a minute…_ ” Demyx muffled into his hand. “Axel told me what you do for a hobby.”

The hand fell from mouth, revealing Demyx’s lips drawn into a thin line. Brows furrowed. “Have you been playing me for a fool? Have you been sitting here getting me to tell you all of Axel’s little secrets so you got more ammunition against him?”

“What?” Roxas’s eyes darted frantically over Demyx’s face, searching for something that might make sense.

A hard look of suspicion landed on Roxas. “You could have doctored those photos you showed me,” Demyx accused, leaning away from Roxas, like he was disgusted to have been so amicable towards him. “My god, I really _am_ dumb! I probably shouldn’t believed you so easily. Damnit! It’s my fault for wanting to like you so much!” Demyx whined and groaned.

“No - no I didn’t. I -.” A light bulb went off in Roxas’ head. “I can show you. I have undeniable proof!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know some of you are probably burning to know what Axel's take on everything has been up till this point. I made a conscious decision to not change POV's when I started writing this fic. I wanted to have everything roll from Roxas' POV, otherwise it would have given the game away rather early in the piece. So I offer up this chapter to hopefully placate and satiate some of that curiosity that some of you might have. I hope it gives some insight into Axel's side of the story and lets you understand him a little better as to why he had that massive blow up. Of course it doesn't excuse the things that happened, but if the boys were good at talking to one another then they wouldn't have gotten into the mess that they did, right? :p And the story would have ended ages ago.
> 
> A resolution to this fic is very close at hand. Thank you for your ongoing support :)


	20. The Irrefutable Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas and Ventus pay Axel a visit to clear everything up.

It was Sunday evening when Roxas and Ventus turned up to Demyx and Axel’s duplex. Both had been getting strange looks the entire way to the front door, but the brothers were grinning from ear to ear.

“Alright, you know what the plan is?” said one to the other.

“Yup. All clear. Let’s do this!”

The knock on the door brought forth a thundering cascade of footfalls and a shout of ‘ _I’ll get it’._

Demyx flung the door open with a huge grin, but then his mouth fell open. Eyes went wide as saucers and darted between the brothers in disbelief. “ _Holy shit!_ ” he screamed, and quickly threw both his hands over his mouth.

He quietly ushered the brothers inside.

“ _What’s wrong, Dem?_ ” Axel’s voice drifted from somewhere unseen. 

Roxas felt his pulse quicken with anxiety, but also with wanting at the sound of that voice. 

There was _no way_ this wouldn’t work. There was no way that Roxas wouldn’t be in Axel’s arms by the end of this night. It made him really giddy. It got him _really_ excited. But he needed to calm his nerves. He didn’t want to be a trembling mess. So he breathed in deep and slow.

The brothers had decided that Ventus would do all the talking. Roxas thought he would be too overcome with elation to string cohesive sentences together, and it felt like he was right in that assertion.

“Come down, Axel. I got someone here for you.”

“ _Is it Zack? He’s early if it’s him,_ ” the voice cascaded down.

“Just get your skinny butt down here,” Demyx called up the stairs.

“ _My butt’s the perfect shape and you know it.”_

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just get it down here already!” Demyx dismissed as he rounded on the brothers, unable to keep the grin off his face. “I can’t believe this is actually real!” He poked at both of the brothers, quite possibly to make sure they weren’t a mirage.

“ _Hey, watch it,”_ both said simultaneously. 

Demyx’s eyes and grin widened. His chest puffed out in elation and he suppressed a squeal while stamping his feet on the floor in excitement. “So cool!” he squeaked out quietly.

He calmed himself and shouted, “ _Aaaaxel! C’mon dooooown already!”_ one final time before leading the brothers into the living room to take a seat on the couch. 

“I think I’ll stay here. You go hide around the corner there.”

“Dramatic effect?”

“Dramatic effect,” nodded one brother to the other, and they moved into their respective positions.

Both grinned at each other from across the room. They hadn’t been able to mess with people like this in such a long while. They had missed it.

The brothers heard thumping footfalls of someone quite disgruntled making their way downstairs. 

Roxas thought he might explode from excitement. He could hardly wait to see Axel’s reaction. 

* * *

 

Axel stomped out of the bathroom. He had _just_ finished applying makeup to his eye. The swelling had gone down but the bruising was a sickening yellow-green. That little fucking pumpkin patch sure could punch. But he shouldn’t have expected anything different. Axel had seen the way Roxas had wailed on those drums at the arcade. Axel had always been amazed at the strength in Roxas’ touch despite being such a pint sized pipsqueak.

He huffed out a grumble and headed towards the stairs. Axel _hated_ thinking about Roxas. It made him boil with rage. Roxas had meant the fucking world to him. It still enraged him to think about it. So he tried not to by going out every night and losing himself in other pointless people. And tonight was no different. 

He was still buttoning up his dress shirt, resentfully. This had been the fifth one he tried on. He was already tired of attempting to look nice for something so meaningless.

He angrily fumbled with buttons. They were so tiny and the holes even more so. Fucking expensive rubbish. “ _That’d be right. Pay more for less,”_ he growled with irritation. Whatever was going on downstairs better be important. He wasn’t ready for his fuck date with Zack. There was still cologne to put on and his tattoos to cover up. 

He had met Zack at a bar yesterday after having fucked some girl in the bathroom. He had been on his way out, to go home and cuddle his sorrows away with Demyx, when the guy had stopped him to ask for his number.

Of course Axel had given it. Piercing bedroom eyes. Long, thick lashes. Tall, tanned, and ebony hair. Zack was hot, and so far removed from looking like a cinnabun that Axel would never refuse. Plus Axel’s Sunday evening schedule had been woefully empty. 

The man had insisted on them going somewhere fancy. He didn’t know why they were going somewhere nice though.

That irritated Axel.

He would be happy to grab a burger and screw in the bathroom. But hey, he wasn’t gonna argue if he could get a free meal out at a fancy place. The swanky restaurants and bars _did_ have cleaner surfaced and sometimes even those cool bars of soap he could knick and give to Demyx. His roomie for some reason liked collecting soap. And Axel really dug the dopey grin Demyx wore when Axel got him things. But it was a pale glimmer against the beaming brilliance of Ro-

“ _Fuuuck,”_ he exhaled with a hiss. His head was like a fucking broken record. Axel was so sick of it. Sick of how everything reminded him of that shithead. Sick of not being able to make the pain go away.

Axel shook his head and grumbled in the back of his throat as he lumbered down the stairs, still trying to get the little fucking buttons through the little fucking holes. It better not be Zack. Axel hated clingy dudes. He never wanted to contemplate relationships ever again. They weren’t for him if history proved anything.

“I’m _busy_. Who the fuck is it?” Axel jumped down the remaining five steps and stomped towards the living room. But he stopped dead in his tracks in the middle of the halfway, having hit an invisible brick wall. He stared as all air squeezed out of his chest. This must be what it felt like to be shot. Numb… and a growing, deep-seated searing pain ripping through your insides.

There on _his_ couch sat… Radiant sunshine, sporting an overjoyed and blinding smile. His heart began pounding uncomfortably against his chest. Axel’s muscles clenched. What little air was left inside his lungs was huffed out. Everything ached at the sight. But he steeled himself. 

Stare turned into a glare. “Dem, what the fuck did you let this cocksucker in here for?” Rage washed over his face. The burning hurt surged up inside like wildfire. “Get out.” Axel threw his hand towards the front door, pointing at it, “Get the _fuck_ _out_! Or I’m callin’ the cops!” 

That shithead didn’t move. Didn’t even _flinch_. How dare he have no respect for Axel after all the respect he had ever shown to this corrosive, manipulative slimeball.

He bashed through the wall of shock and stormed towards the man who had betrayed him. How _dare_ he sit on his couch… in… new clothes? and looking so - _incredibly attractive_. It only grew the bitterness within himself.

As Axel stepped into his living room Demyx moved forward, hands waving, trying to defuse the situation. “Axel, chill out,” Demyx stepped in between Axel and Roxas.

Demyx could see that Axel was on a warpath, and usually Axel appreciated Demyx having his back and trying to calm him down. But not in this. Demyx had betrayed him as well.

“No, I’m not gonna ‘ _chill out_ ’! Get out of my face you spineless dickweed. What -. This dick shows up on our doorstep and you just let him _in_? Some fucking friend you are!”

Demyx didn’t seem hurt or fazed by Axel’s outburst. And why would he be? They had been living together long enough for Axel’s bark to have no bite. So Demyx simply stood his ground.

Axel craned his head around Demyx to throw daggers at Roxas, “How the fuck did you even find out where I live, huh? You’re a stalker now on top of everything else?”

Roxas’ smile melted away, leaving him with a hanging mouth. He looked so anxious. That sight was too much to bare. Axel threateningly glared at the ceiling instead, and exhaled sharply. He hated seeing Roxas upset. He hated how angry he was feeling right now. But how _couldn’t_ he? He hated that he believed in that fucking, lying piece of sweet-shithead-cinna-cocksucking-bun. Axel most of all hated that he still cared. That he still wished -

He clicked his tongue in exasperation and fought hard against the sting of tears in his eyes. He had _sworn_ to himself he wouldn’t cry anymore. He had sworn that he wouldn’t waste a single shred of emotional energy on that pile of garbage anymore. He had hoped he could simply turn his feelings off and not care anymore. But he couldn't. Being out of control like this was awful.

“Why’d you let him in here? I told you I want nothing to do with him.” Axel growled and pushed Demyx away. It felt easier to blame his supposed friend. Axel was surrounded by traitors. 

“Look, man -”

But Axel kept his sights on Roxas and raged on, not giving Demyx any time to finish explaining himself. “Get _out_ , you treacherous fucking two-timing dickweasle! _**Now**_!” he bellowed. 

But Roxas _still_ didn't move. It made Axel even _more_ angry. He would drag Roxas by his fucking cute hair if he had to.

“Just let me explain the situation, Axel!” were the words which finally left that disgustingly delicious mouth.

Roxas’ sweet tone pierced Axel. There had been a time he would have given anything to hear his name leave those lips. But not anymore. Now he wanted to erase himself from that man’s existence and vice versa.

“The situation? The fucking _situation?!_ I know the situation, so _fuck you_! Not _once_ did you think it might be important to mention you had a fucking _fiancé_? Not _once_?! Even _after_ I told you that you _needed_ to let me know if you were _with_ someone? It’s not just _you_ who’s cheating on her, you fucking dickhead. You’ve made _me_ an accomplice.” Axel was fired up. His hands flew around in wild gestures, emphasizing all his very valid points. Demyx ducked out of the way, but remained close, making sure Axel wouldn’t rush at Roxas. 

“You’ve made _me_ ruin someone else's life. You fucking make me as bad as _you_! I fucking _hate_ you! You don't deserve her! A worm like you deserves to have no one in their life. You deserve to rot in hell you garbage excuse for a human being!” he ended in a scream. His body vibrated with the ferocity of his heart hammering away. Everything was clenched too tight and trembling. He hated being like this. But he couldn’t stop. Why had Roxas done it? Why was he so despicable? Why didn’t he care? Why had Axel so tragically misread him?

Demyx moved closer to Axel once his angry flailing had ceased. He pressed both hands on Axel’s shoulders, pushing against him and keeping him in place. Axel appreciated having Demyx there, otherwise he’d already be dragging Roxas out.

“Axy, you need to hear him out,” Demyx pleaded quietly, with concern in his eyes.

It grew the bewilderment inside of Axel. What kind of a fucked up conspiracy was this? He truly _couldn’t_ trust anyone. “What the fuck did he tell you, Dem? You can’t believe anything this shit says!” Axel spat, pointedly glaring at Roxas.

“Axel, please listen. The wedding’s a big misunderstanding,” came the somewhat small and all too pleading tone from the man sitting on his couch.

Axel was quaking. How dare this dick _still_ be lying to him! “There’s nothing you can say to make me believe you. I’ve heard it all before. ‘ _It’s not what it looks like’_ ,” he started in a sickly sweet, yet nauseatingly sarcastic tone of voice. “ _‘It didn’t mean anything’. ‘I was just confused and needed to see if my feelings for you were real’._ ” Axel felt like throwing up. “As if, Roxas! I saw the goddamn invite with my own fucking eyes. How dumb do you think I am? - Dem, sure. But _me_?”

“Hey!” Demyx complained.

Axel paid Demyx no mind. He exhaled sharply and stepped back a little, wanting Demyx’s hands off himself. Axel’s mind raced through the events of that dream-turned-nightmare evening - like he had done so many goddamn times previous. He had _tried_ to find excuses. He had _tried_ to make sense of it - to not be hurt - to not feel like a complete idiot and fool. Maybe Roxas had been making template layout designs? But what had been with that fucking photo? He could have found any old stock-footage to use. But no. It had been _that_ photo. It had looked too recent. They hadn’t looked like _just friends_. 

His vision turned blurry. Axel focused his trembling outrage back on that goddamned worm-disguised-as-an-angel. He was _so_ angry. He hated this guy so much. He...

“I fucking _loved you_ , you asshole!” he spat, wincing. It killed him to say those words. It annihilated him admitting that he ever let these deep feelings back into his heart. But he was crushed by them. He hoped yelling them would let himself be rid of them. He rubbed furiously at his face, vanquishing the tears. 

Swallowing down the rising sea Axel stepped forward again, pushing against Demyx’s once more present and warding arms. “I've had enough, Roxas. Either you leave - _right now -_ or I’m gonna drag you out of here myself and beat the fuck out of you. And don't think I'll get you help this time around!” Axel added to be extra threatening.

He couldn’t stand looking at Roxas any more. He needed him _gone_. Completely. Out of his life. For good. The pain and heartache was too great.

But Roxas still didn’t budge. His gorgeous eyes only widened.

_That's it._

Axel was given no other choice. He squeezed his eyes shut for a brief moment and breathed in, building his resolve. When he opened them again he was cool, calculating and precise steel. He pushed Demyx aside with ease and moved towards Roxas. 

“Axel… what are you -,” Roxas shrunk back, scooching along the couch to get distance between themselves.

Axel glared as he moved closer. “You have a choice. You either go willingly or I'm gonna _assist_ you in finding the door,” he said quietly, extending his arm to grab ahold of Roxas.

 _“You really 'don’t' know the situation, Axel,”_ came a sharp bark.

Axel froze and stared. Fingers stopped just before they could brush against Roxas’ arm. Roxas’ mouth hung open, but he hadn't uttered a sound. But… that had been his voice. 

Something moved and caught in his periphery. Just like on the train so long ago, during that sweltering summer afternoon. Blonde like a golden sunrise. Blue like the deepest oceans. All encompassed by a face - innocent and pure - like the first snow of winter. His head turned. He felt sick as his eyes fell on…

“We’re here to explain what’s going on. And I know you said there’s nothing that could be said to make you believe how much _you_ fucked up, but that’s why we’re here to _show you_ instead. So quit threatening my brother like that and back the fuck right off, ok?” It was stern, commanding even. But an undercurrent of gentleness also pervaded the rebuke.

“ _B-brother…?_ ” Axel’s jaw slackened involuntarily. He straightened up and looked from one Roxas to… the _other_ Roxas, who had stepped into view. They both wore the exact same outfit. From the way their sneakers were tied, and how their corduroy pants and sweatshirts clung to their bodies, all the way up to the way their hair was styled - They were identical. In every way. He couldn't stop gawking.

Axel felt winded. The rousing anger he had felt moments ago fizzled out and turned into confusion. Axel’s brain couldn’t compute. He slowly backed away from his couch. Eyes kept darting from one identical face to the other, and then to Demyx, wanting some explanation. But none was given. Demyx just wore his dopey trademark grin.

His eyes once again flew from one Roxas to the other. He watched their facial expressions simultaneously shift into the exact same smile. Heart beat heavy against his chest. He felt too hot. Always too hot.

Axel took one final massive step back, arms at his sides, but hands held up defensively. Like that would somehow ward off this evil magic that was happening in front of his eyes. This was creepy. “What the _fuck_ is going on here? Why the fuck are there _two_ of you! Demyx! You _knew_ about this?”

“Roxas came around yesterday and explained the whole thing,” Demyx nodded and gave a beaming smile to the man sitting on the couch. Roxas grinned right back.

“He - he _came_ around yesterday and you never told me?” Axel felt incredulous.

“It would have spoiled the surprise,” Demyx laughed, wearing a too-big-for-his-face grin.

Axel’s irritated eyes peeled off Demyx as the second Roxas to his right moved towards him.

“Hey, I’m Ventus, pleased to finally meetcha, Axel.” The man who had stepped out from around the corner wore a big grin, and extended his hand in a very perky manner.

But Axel didn’t take it. His nostrils flared with upset. Big shocking surprises weren’t his thing.

The hand dropped, as did the smile. “I know this must be weird for you. My idiot brother seems to have neglected to tell you that he has an identical twin, which is me… obviously.” A big self-satisfied and smug grin spread across his face.

Axel’s eyes felt like they would bug out of his head. His sight disbelievingly ping-ponged between the two… _brothers?_ … _Twin ‘fucking’ brothers?!_ He watched how Roxas on the couch frowned at those words, and Roxas - or _Ventus_? - who was standing, continued to smile smugly at his mirror image. 

Despite Axel always having loved Roxas’ big goofy smiles… and despite the one he was witnessing right now looking identical to what Axel was used to seeing… it felt bizarre coming from the face of someone who looked _just_ like Roxas… but wasn’t actually Roxas. Axel had never met twins. Some strange thought grew that he hated the idea of a Roxas look-a-like out there in the world.

“I’m not an idiot,” came the familiar whine and pout. 

It clawed into Axel. He always found that pout too adorable for words. He always wanted to kiss those lips and make Roxas smile when he saw that puckering of lips.

“You’re just so forgettable, Ven. You can’t blame me for that,” Roxas chided.

Looks were exchanged, and Ventus’ smile also dropped… into an identically adorable and kissable pout. Axel’s heart beat faster. He gulped and eyes continued to dart between the twins. 

“Sure I can-”

Axel felt like he would pop. “Roxas, you have a twin and you never told me?” he interjected at the start of what seemed to be a potential brotherly squabble unfolding. 

Both sets of blue eyes fell onto Axel. But he didn’t leave them any time to answer. Mainly because he didn’t feel like he needed an answer to that particular question, and he certainly didn’t want to sound accusatory. But he felt overwhelmed - confused - irritated. He needed to talk. He couldn’t stay silent when he was burning with a hopeful suspicion.

Ventus had said that Axel fucked up… and he wanted to desperately believe that - out of all the fuck-ups in his life - there was only one specific one which Ventus had meant. “What the hell is going on? Why the fuck are you guys here? Tell me how exactly I completely fucked up, coz I _need_ to hear it.”

More looks were exchanged, as if debating who would speak. The wait felt like an eternity to Axel. His heart hammered, his body buzzed with anxiety and impatience. His lips drew together with tension. _‘Why’s this taking so long!’_ he screamed into his internal void.

Finally it seemed like something was decided and Ventus took up the leadership role. “Congratulations, Axel. You win the ‘complete fuck-up’ prize. It’s not Roxas who’s getting married.”

The words washed over him. They rose and swirled inside. “Not… Roxas,” he parroted back, somewhat robotically. Relief and elation bubbled… and then the joyous feeling evaporated in the blink of an eye. A dense weight dropped straight to the bottom of Axel’s stomach. “Well fuck…” He turned to look at Roxas. How could he… what could he… where to even start? 

“I’m _so_ fucking sorry,” he said, wide eyed and feeling nauseated.

Roxas wore a sour expression. “Yeah, you fucking better be.”

Axel frowned in pain. “I am,” and he was. He felt so fucking stupid. Could they fix this? Could _he_ fix this? He had to try. “I'm such a dick... Such an ass.” Axel pulled at his hair, and a silent groan seeped out of his chest. “Roxas, you… wanna give me another black eye? I completely understand if you do.”

“Yeah, I kinda do,” Roxas mumbled, while wearing a surly scowl.

“Then step right up and do what you gotta do.” Axel stretched his arms out and closed his eyes. But they were drawn open again.

“None of that. Violence doesn't solve anything. I thought that was clear by now,” Ventus said sternly, looking kinda pissed. 

“Sorry. The Brother Police is shutting this operation down,” Roxas sighed with a resigned pout.

Axel felt his lips instinctively twitch. He wanted to kiss him so badly. But things were far from all right. He didn't want to offend Roxas any more than he already had, so he tore his eyes off that tempting sight.

“You know that you can always do whatever you want, Roxas. Especially with me. No matter what Ventus says. So you shouldn't worry about landing in the Brother Prison. I won’t rat you out,” Axel tried to reassure, with the aim to go for something playful rather than lewd.

Ventus rolled his eyes and Roxas huffed, uttering a small, “Thanks. I'll keep that in mind when I'm rotting in Brother Hell,” he dismissed. Roxas still seemed bitter, which Axel completely understood… but he didn’t like it.

“Yeah, Brother Hell will be torture if anymore beating up happens,” Ventus threatened. “But anyway, we’re here because Rox thought it best we just show you, instead of trying to tell you. You two kinda suck at talking,” came the lament and slight sigh.

“Whaddaya mean? We’re awesome at talking,” Axel defended, casting worried glances at Roxas who was sulking rather badly on the couch.

“Sure… awesome when it comes to talking about everything that's not important. But it got you and Rox into a big mess, because Rox for Brains here wasn’t open with you. So I’m here to rectify all of that.”

Axel huffed out gently at that rather cute play on Roxas’ name. He had to try and remember that.

“Ven, don’t,” came the desperate plea. 

It seemed to only egg the other brother on however. “Now let me see.”

“ _Ven_ ,” Roxas interrupted harshly, eyes drawing off the floor.

But it didn’t deter him in the slightest. “Besides having a twin what else wouldn’t he have told you about? Hmm… well we’re both from Twilight Town. Rox left almost two years ago because he was running away from home to make something of himself in a new place. He’s got big ideas and dreams and gets too blue when they don’t come through.”

“ _Ventus_ ,” came Roxas’ sharp bite and glare.

Ventus seemed to pay his brother little mind as he continued to speak with Axel, “Rox was miserable living here, but too stubborn to go crawling back to his beloved family.” 

Stern looks were exchanged between the brothers.

“I… can understand that,” Axel muttered as his eyes drifted to the man on the couch. But Roxas was looking at everything but Axel. It was upsetting.

Axel hadn’t loved living in Radiant Gardens either. It was passable… and infinitely better than going back home to his past and the awful memories. Roxas though… he had made living here fun for Axel. Roxas had been such a nice distraction at first. And he had become so much more though in too short space of time. It baffled Axel some days. He didn’t know how it ever happened. 

He and Roxas were similar. Axel had learned that over the months. It had been a real pleasure to discover all their shared interests. Maybe that was the reason? This guy he only ever wanted to conquer and fuck once, and then never see his darling face again, had become important to him. Axel had fought his feelings every step of the way. He had tried to convince himself that he wanted nothing more from Roxas bar having his carnal desires met. 

But Roxas had wormed his way into Axel’s broken heart and somehow - with that smile and that joy he brought to Axel - glued the broken bits back together again. It was one of the many things Axel liked about Roxas. It’s why the discovery of the marriage invite had hurt so damn much.

But… Axel couldn’t get over what was happening right now. He had been so fucking wrong. And he had never been more glad in his life that he was so tremendously wrong.

“Ventus,” Roxas growled.

“He needs to hear this.”

“No he doesn't.”

“I think he does.”

“Hear what?” Axel grew suspicious.

Looks were exchanged between the twins. Ventus turned his attention back to Axel. “You make Roxas’ life here better, Axel. You make it bearable and give him the strength to keep sticking it to everyone he knows. He -,” Ventus paused and looked at his brother, as if needing help. A minute shift in facial expressions - a secret language that only they knew passed between the twins. “He really loves you, you know?”

A distinct swell and ache bloomed in Axel’s chest. But he didn’t feel safe to revel in that bit of news. “Even after what I did?” Could Axel be so lucky that Roxas still felt like that about him? 

“Yeah. Why else would we be here?” Ventus stated, matter-of-factly, and looking rather bemused.

“Well, I figured it’d be to make me feel like a complete dick, and to punish me by letting me know that I lost the best thing in my life.” Axel threw another more tentative glance at Roxas. The fact that Roxas was making eye contact with him once more, and that he was pushing down a smile, made Axel feel a little bit better.

“Even though that’d be a pretty cool punishment for what you did, it’s unfortunately not like that. Roxas still completely adores you,” Ventus spoke softly, lips quirking up into a tiny smile.

Axel had to look away. Something about that facial expression dug too deep. He didn’t want a doppelganger. He wanted to real deal. He wanted to hear Roxas tell him how he felt.

That thought made Axel miserable though. He felt like a piece of shit for the way he had broken Roxas down. He hated that he had been triggered off so badly from actually hearing the exact words which he had longed to hear for what had felt like an eternity. He couldn’t even recall for how long he had wished for his affections to be returned. 

Axel had soared so high. All the little signs and gestures which had piled up over the months had grown something incredibly unfamiliar inside of himself. It had been hope. Hope that he wasn’t doomed to live out his life forever wrecked by his past. A confidence had blossomed at the knowledge that he could actually genuinely care for another human being again. Even if that same level of love, trust and affection wasn’t being returned.

And then when it finally happened… when he had been certain that Roxas _actually_ felt the same way - that fateful night when Roxas took Axel to his apartment - everything had crumbled and he had crashed back down to the earth. 

It had been like his past had come back to taunt and torture him. It was there to burn everything good in his life to cinders. To make sure Axel knew that in a past life he must have been a horrendous person, and that this life was designed as retribution. Any chance with Roxas had died and been consigned to the land of lost dreams and punishing delusions.

Everything Roxas had ever said or done had been tainted and warped into something hideous. And that day in the alley… that awful fucking day - that Axel now thought he would forever feel guilty for - had been the _worst_. Because Roxas _had_ tried to tell him. _Twice_. But Axel hadn't wanted to hear it, because it had meant nothing. Anything out of Roxas’ mouth had been denounced as being filth and lies. Axel had been sure of it. So sure… _too_ sure.

In his mind everything out of Roxas’ mouth had just been a way to placate Axel. To sooth and trick him. To make him shut up so that Roxas could keep on using him. Because that's in the end all Axel had ever been to people; A means to an end; Axel gave amazing sex; Axel was loaded; Axel’s feelings didn't matter.

In the heat of that moment Axel had thought of nothing but the hurt he had felt. He hadn’t been able to think of all of Roxas’ good points; of how Roxas had insisted on paying for things; of how thoughtful and endearing he had been at times; of how he genuinely appeared to enjoy Axel’s company, despite all the bristling, albeit no-less-adorable hostility at first. And when he did have time to reflect and collect himself, those sweet and once cherished moments had made Axel feel really conflicted. They had caused the barbs of hurt and betrayal to dig even deeper.

Axel gave a groaning sigh. It hurt his head too much to think about all this shit. All he really wanted to focus on was the fact that he fucked up. _Big time_. Roxas still cared for him. Roxas _adored_ him? How adorable in and of itself. But he still wanted to hear it all from Roxas himself. But at least he wasn't denying it, or giving his brother death-glares… so there was that.

“Again, I’m sorry. I really love him too, even if I haven’t been showing it lately.” He was talking to Ventus but his eyes had flicked onto Roxas, who met his gaze again and finally let a soft, albeit stilted, half smile settle on his face.

It broke Axel’s heart. He was such a fucking moron. How long would it take to repair the damage he had caused? But Axel had learned to be patient for Roxas. If Roxas still wanted him Axel would get through it somehow.

As if picking up on Axel’s self-deprecating thoughts and morose mood Ventus chimed up. “Rox will be ok. He just needs to sleep off his grump for the day.”

Roxas scrunched up his face and poked his tongue out at Ventus. Yet even Roxas’ playful side didn’t make Axel feel cheerful. The pained expression Axel’s face had settled into unconsciously melted away as he looked back towards Ventus. The man was sporting that soft loving smile Axel wanted and adored seeing on Roxas. It flickered out into a more neutral and broad grin seconds later.

That look set Axel's mind to work. He liked to think he knew Roxas. Knew his interests, his habits, his expressions. Did the twins share all the same body ticks? Did they hold themselves the same way? Did they find the same things funny, irritating, or… sexy? Because right now he was seeing more of Roxas in Ventus than the actual Roxas. And that was so irritating in and of itself. Axel wanted to get back what he had almost completely lost. And he felt solely responsible for Roxas not quite being like his usual self tonight.

Axel shook his head clear, forcing his mind back on task. “So _you’re_ the one who’s _definitely_ getting married, yeah?” Axel’s eyes narrowed and he pointed at Ventus. He _needed_ to hear it again.

An affirming, “Roxas is definitely _not_ getting married. I can attest to that,” was given.

More relief washed over Axel.

“Roxas would definitely never cheat on anyone,” came the brotherly testimonial.

“Especially not you,” Roxas’ hand went straight to his mouth to stop himself from saying anything more.

“Ah geez, Roxas.” Roxas was so cute. The way he always tried to put up a hard-ass front was always adorable, especially when the mask fell and Roxas’ gooey side came out. Axel smiled and rubbed at his head, feeling slightly embarrassed, but also overjoyed at Roxas finally showing some affection. 

“Uh… Can I ask something else, Roxas?” Axel started up, deciding that he had changed his mind. He _did_ want to get an answer to a certain question.

Roxas jumped a little at seemingly being asked something directly. “What you wanna know?”

“Why _didn’t_ you tell me about your brother? I mean… it’s your business but…” Axel didn’t want to say it.

“It could have avoided a bunch of problems,” Ventus muttered, filling in the unspoken sentiment.

Roxas sighed with resignation. “Yeah. It could have.” He sat there, still and quiet, looking at his hands, mulling things over in his head. Eyes flicked up to his brother before a stern look fell onto Axel. “I… didn’t want you to know.”

“Why?” was Axel’s hoarse response.

Blue eyes fell away. “I… always feel like I’m not good enough. Like everyone wants me to be like Ventus, because he’s so great and makes everyone proud. I just get completely ignored and overshadowed by him. So that’s why. Well that and it just never came up in conversation,” he shrugged dismissively, losing the slight edge in his voice. 

Well… Roxas had a point there. They mostly never pried into each others personal lives. Everything Axel had learned about Roxas had been given freely or he had been able to deduce from the available information. Yet Roxas’ insecurity in this particular area of his life genuinely surprised Axel. “Why would you feel that way, Roxas? Why would you think I’d be more interested in your brother than you? Why would _anyone_ want you to be anything other than your awesome self?”

“I… ,” Roxas’ hard gaze turned onto Ventus. A bit of fire seemed to rise inside of him. “I get stupid sometimes. It’s not like I _want_ to be this way. It’s not like I _want_ to compare myself. But I can’t help it. I want to live my own life and know I’m just as good, if not _better_ than you, Ven. I’ve got a lot to be proud of. I just need to start seeing that and acknowledging my own accomplishments… I guess. … But… eh- yeah...” The ferocity left Roxas and he sunk his eyes to the floor.

Axel wanted to say something encouraging but when he heard Ventus sigh, his attention was drawn back to the man standing only a few steps to his side.

“You’ll get there one day, Rox.” But Ventus looked uncertain of himself.

Axel didn’t like that. He didn’t like it when Roxas got down on himself. He didn’t like that Roxas’ own flesh and blood wasn’t more supportive. Axel inhaled and was about to berate Ventus for being such a shit brother, but was cut off before he could get started.

“You know,” Ventus threw to Axel, “Rox is good at graphics design, building websites and editing videos, so I asked him to make a bunch of stuff for the wedding.”

Roxas cleared his throat, “Er, correction. I’m really _super_ good at that stuff, thank you very much, Ven. Get it right. That’s why you asked me to handle all your things,” Roxas berated his brother, but still seemed somewhat mopey.

Ventus huffed in amusement. “Yeah, you’re right, sorry.”

Loving smiles were exchanged.

“But anyway, for some reason you went rifling through his stuff and found the print-outs for the invites.”

“And then jumped to all the wrong conclusions,” Roxas finished for Ventus.

“Melissa isn’t Roxas’ beautiful bride to be. I wouldn’t let him get his grimy hands anywhere near her, no way,” Ventus shook his head vigorously.

“If my hands are grimy then so are yours, doofus,” came the almost exhausted sounding retort, like they had these sort of arguments all the time.

Axel cracked a smile. Any residual anger or uncertainty he might have had towards Roxas was snuffed out. The only anger and irritation left inside was directed at himself.

“Whatever, bro.” 

Blue eyes trained on Axel, “Plus I think we both now know that Rox likes cock,” Ventus winked at Roxas, and Roxas only grumbled, turning slightly red from embarrassment. “So Liss would definitely be useless to him,” Ventus finished, slightly flushing as he delivered a generous laugh.

Roxas’ cheeks seemed to prickle more as he spoke up, “At least I know how to please someone with a cock now, from experience. That’s more than what you can say for yourself, Ven.”

“Oh burn!” Demyx slapped his sides and laughed.

“Hey now, is that any way to speak to your one and only brother?”

The brothers started bickering amongst themselves. Axel just watched, his eyes darting between them. He felt relieved that Roxas finally seemed to snap out of his funk.

He still hoped to find a point of difference between them. It felt like it was even more important to be able to tell the two apart, if Roxas’ insecurities about himself were anything to go by. Axel couldn’t stand the thought of Roxas feeling second rate. If being with Roxas had taught Axel anything, it was that Roxas was uncertain of his own abilities at times. He needed encouragement, and Axel had that in spades for Roxas.

Relief still swirled around Axel’s body. He had agonized over Roxas for weeks. He hadn’t been able to come to terms with the idea that Roxas could be a two-timing low life. The fact that he _wasn’t_ left Axel feeling _amazing_. The fact that Roxas was here, right now - because he still wanted Axel in his life - was a tremendous gift, which Axel couldn’t afford to ever break or lose again.

He wanted to throw his arms around Roxas, kiss him, ruffle his adorable hair, rub at him in that way that Roxas seemed to really fucking love, and take the man up to his room to snuggle with him. And _then_ do other things with him as well.

God… he loved fucking Roxas so much. It really was his second favorite pastime. The first being cuddling and spending time with him. Axel felt so lame for feeling this way. But it was what it was. At least he’d never have to tell anyone.

Right now he craved that physical, reassuring contact. He hungered for those cool hands, and Roxas’ sweet scent. But… he eyed the brothers, who were still hurling warm insults and blame at each other.

Roxas was on the couch. Ventus was standing to Axel’s side. _Right_? That’s what it was…

Both brothers blew raspberries at each other, which seemed to settle their argument.

“Axel…”

He looked over to Roxas, humming in his throat and feeling grateful to be hearing his name leave those lips in a tone other than anger or upset.

“Why did you go looking through my things? Why weren’t you there in the morning like you promised you would be? We could have talked about it. Avoided all this… shit.” His voice was small and fragile. Timid even. “Yeah, I should have told you about Ven, but… this isn’t all on me either.”

It felt like a stab to Axel’s heart. It made him feel inexplicably bad. Like he had violated Roxas’ trust and right to privacy - because he _had_ done just that. He knew that he had definitely broken Roxas’ heart. That hurt the most and was inexcusable.

So Axel tried to breathe his emotions down. Roxas and Ventus had explained themselves enough. It was now Axel’s turn. He hoped he wasn’t about to cock something up. “I didn’t go snooping on purpose, so just chill the fuck out, ok.” Axel groaned, and slapped the palm of his hand to his forehead. He had just cocked it up. He added a quick, “Sorry.” 

He got angry too quickly. Always had and always would. And right now he felt snappy and irritated with himself. He wished he hadn’t gone looking for something to write on. But he had remembered how upset Roxas had been the last time, despite him having left a note… in admittedly a rather stupid place. He hadn’t wanted a repeat of that. And he certainly hadn’t gotten that. He had created a shit storm of epic proportions instead. He couldn’t believe that he had gotten it so _wrong_. It was so...

“It’s ok. Rox isn’t blaming you. Not completely anyway,” Ventus respond in a caring fashion. “No hard feelings.”

“Yeah, thanks,” Axel nodded at Ventus curtly. He really wished that it would be Roxas who would be doing all the exonerating of Axel’s misdeeds. But it was probably too early for something like that to have happen.

His gaze continued darting between the twins. He still couldn’t get over the fact that there were _two_ of them. People always said Axel was very similar to his older brother. But similar was nowhere near _identical_. This was so odd.

“Again, I wasn’t snooping. I was trying to do the right thing. Dem here locked himself out _again_ , so I had to go and rescue him.” Axel’s eyes settled on Demyx where he glared daggers at the airhead.

“Hey, ok, fine. This is all _my_ fault. I’ll get a spare key cut and leave it with Zexy in the future,” Demyx whined.

“See that you do,” Axel growled. He returned eyes onto Roxas. Axel didn’t care much about others but he cared about Roxas. He loved looking at him. He loved being seen by Roxas. The last three-and-a-bit weeks had been _excruciating_. He needed to apologize. 

“I didn’t want to wake you. You -,” Axel quickly flicked his eyes over to Ventus, feeling weirdly mesmerized by the mirror image. But he pulled his eyes off and returned his gaze onto Roxas, “looked so angelic. I hate waking you up, you know that.” 

He thought back on the time when they had first started sleeping together. Axel had enjoyed just looking at Roxas’ peaceful face, and he still loved doing that now. He adored Roxas’ gratifyingly cool body next to himself, and never got tired of running his hands all over him. At the very beginning every time Roxas had woken up it had meant that their night ended though, which had sucked. Until it didn’t end any more, which had been awesome. Waking up together had started meaning that they could start kissing, which almost always had lead to other gratifying things.

Axel shook himself out of his thoughts before he got too hard to think straight. He gave a weak smile before he let out a long exasperated sigh when he thought of that amazing night with Roxas and how sour it had turned. Hand returned to his head and ran through hair. “I was gonna duck out, rescue shit-for-brains -”

“Hey, I can hear you, you know that, yeah?”

Axel waved Demyx off dismissively, “And then I was gonna come right back to keep sleeping with you. And maybe fuck you some more if we had any condoms left.”

Roxas cleared his throat uncomfortably, and a slightly flustered huff sounded out of Ventus.

Something niggled at Axel.

“I was looking for something to leave you a note on. Just in case you woke up and thought I abandoned you. -I really need to get your phone number,” he tacked on as an afterthought. He had always thought it too personal to ask Roxas for his number. He had never wanted to make Roxas feel uncomfortable, unless it was in a playful way. He hadn’t wanted to seem pushy or clingy and the phone thing might have been a step too far in that direction.

“Yeah I think that be a good idea - for the both of you,” Ventus chimed in.

Roxas nodded. “Yeah. We should have done that a while ago.”

Axel’s eyes were forever darting. He smiled a little at hearing Roxas be ok with that idea.

“I thought your desk would be the best place to find papers and pens. But then -,” his voice dropped a fraction, “then I found the wedding invites in the drawer, and I got really mad.” His fingers twitched.

The anger of that moment flickered to life inside of Axel before it extinguished again. 

“I didn’t want to believe it, Roxas. I thought so much better of you,” Axel took a step closer to Roxas. “But your face was plastered all over it. I was an ass and just assumed. I had to get out of there. I’m really sorry. If I had known you had a brother… even if he wasn’t your twin, I’d still have thought twice about it before leaving.”

Axel could still remember how he had trembled at seeing that face he loved so much on that invite - seeing him all wrapped up with a really sweet looking young woman. All Axel had felt had been that disgustingly familiar burning hate and betrayal, which was forever etched into his soul by that bitch and that bastard.

But even then the anger and hurt he had felt when he had found _them_ together in bed - with the stench of sex all around - hadn’t compared to how hot and outraged he had felt that night in Roxas’ apartment. He had never felt so angry in his life.

“I’m sorry too,” Roxas’ words pulled Axel out of his awful thoughts. Roxas hung his head, “I really should have told you about my stupid twin -”

“Oi!” Ventus gave a sharp protest.

Axel let out a low huff, “I think both of us shoulda probably told each other a lot more things. So I need you both to know why I was such a complete ass. I know it doesn't make it right. It doesn't justify it, and Roxas - again… Any time you feel you wanna take revenge on me, please do but… .” He sighed. He hated talking about this. He hated that it was still such a big wound in his life. He fucking loathed that it nearly cost him the best thing in his life.

“Go on,” Roxas encouraged gently.

His eyes pulled up from where they had sunk low. “Roxas, I was gonna get married once. To a girl I thought was fucking _perfect_ ,” he spat out. The resentment never seemed to fade with the years.

“I know. Demyx told me,” Roxas’ soft voice drifted to Axel’s ears and heart.

Axel’s eyes cast to the floor again. “I want to tell you though. I want you to hear it from _me_.”

“Sure.”

He glanced up. “I got burned so bad by her and my alleged best friend. They were sleeping together behind my back. I have no idea how long it had been going on for before I caught them together… a few days before our wedding was supposed to happen. I swore to myself I’d never get involved with people again. I’d just fuck and forget. And it worked great… until I met you.” Axel groaned slightly. “When I saw the invites all I saw was you and me doing the same shit that was done to me by them. I -I was so fucking mad, Roxas,” the anger flickered to life once more.

At that time all he had been able to feel and think about had been the pain. All Axel had seen was how much that sweet girl would be feeling the same agony that Axel had experienced when she found out about what her fucking no-good fiancé had done to her. Because she _would_ have found out. Axel would have gone to that wedding and told her; warn her of marrying a snake.

Axel grit his teeth, but breathed it down.

“I’m sorry that I hurt you that day in the alley. I tried to leave, but you wouldn’t let me. You kept denying what I had thought to be the obvious, bright as daylight truth. I know I’m fucking wrong. I… shouldn’t have flown off the handle like that.”

“It’s… ok, Axel,” But Roxas didn’t sound sure of himself.

He didn’t like how this topic of conversation seemed to put Roxas in a right sour mood. But who could blame him?

Axel flicked his eyes off the floor to look at Roxas. The brothers were exchanging meaningful glances with each other. More weird communication seemed to pass. Why did it feel like Ventus was demanding something of Roxas? 

But when Roxas caught sight of green eyes he focused his attention on Axel and gave him a weak smile. “I can’t excuse what you did to me, but… I understand. I shouldn’t have hit you either. I’m sorry about that too. No hard feelings?”

An actual audible huff of amusement stirred out of Axel’s chest. “You know I’ve only got _one_ hard feeling for you.” 

Roxas snorted and Ventus groaned.

 _Strange_.

Axel’s eyes darted between them before he sunk his head back down to focus on his living room floor. “I’m so sorry that I made you cry, Roxas. Because - I know I most probably did.”

“I’m sorry that all this happened the way it did, when it could have been avoided.” Roxas’ sweet voice jumped in and reverberated around the entire room, filling the aching hollow in Axel’s body.

Axel’s eyes swept up again to look at Roxas’ somber face, which was tinged with sadness and regret. Axel also honed in to glance at Ventus before his gaze fell back down onto plush carpet.

Both brothers looked sad and hurt. As if they were sharing the same emotions. The underlying weirdness Axel was feeling only intensified.

“You know, I did what I did because I was scared. Ever since that _bitch_ … well, I’ve never wanted to let anyone into my heart ever again. I went around and slept with a lot of people. Hoping that would protect me from ever getting attached to someone again. One night stands and quick shags in bathrooms. That’s what my life was gonna be like. You were always just supposed to be another one of those quick fucks. But you never looked at me. So I had to get creative. And somehow you started brightening my day every time I saw you. And that scared me. So I grew determined that I needed to fuck you, so I could move on. But even then you didn’t let me,” Axel laughed a little at the memory of how adorable Roxas had been. Always looking down. Always sniggering at the stupid shoes Axel managed to find. It had been so much fun.

“You made me really work for it. And I didn’t mind. I started dreading that the day would come when you _would_ actually let me kiss and fuck you. Coz I didn’t want us being weird together to ever end. But I also _really_ wanted you. I wanted to taste you. Touch you. Just _be_ with you. I was so fucking relieved when you told me that you didn’t want it to end either. I can’t even tell you how good that felt.”

Axel didn’t care that he had an audience. He was tired of being a hard-ass. He wanted Roxas to know how he felt, and who knew? Humility might do Axel some good. 

“I fell so hard for you, Roxas. But what we were doing was all built on this idea that we weren’t doing anything serious. It was all ‘ _just a bit of fun’_ , right?”

Axel chanced a glance at Roxas, who nodded silently.

“So that scared me too. I felt like I couldn’t tell you how I felt, because you would run away. I had signed us up to our weird meetups under one set of rules. I didn’t want to take the chance of losing you by writing up a whole new set. So I just went with it.” He rubbed at his head, “What we had and did was fun and casual. And that would have been fine if my feelings for you hadn’t been growing. I began thinking I had walled myself into a really shitty corner. All that stuff I ever told you about not wanting relationships, not wanting to settle down, just wanting to fuck anything that smiled at me… that was the old Axel. That was the broken Axel. The Axel who had been betrayed by others and himself for sticking to _normal_ rules and expectations.”

He really _hated_ how naive he had been. He had let his past blind him so completely from seeing the truth. It had warped his view of love and had turned it into something to detest and fear. But not when Roxas was around.

Axel took a deep breath and let his eyes drift between the twins.

He _still_ couldn’t get over it. How funny...

Both brothers wore identical smiles. But...

“I found it weird that I wanted to spend so much time with you. I was beginning to wonder why you were still letting me bathe with you, and hang out and stuff. I couldn’t read how you felt about me. I couldn’t even read how I felt about you. I thought I still just wanted to fuck you. And I thought maybe you were really worried about me getting all clingy on your cute arse.” Axel sighed.

Roxas’ lips drew into a thin line. A huff sounded from the other side.

“So that’s why I told you that stuff the day we kissed. I thought maybe you needed reassurance that we weren’t doing anything serious. I think I needed reassurance for myself as well. Convince myself that I wasn’t falling for you. Tell myself that the reason I turned Larxene away that previous night was coz I was tired, and not because all I could think about and wanted was you, Roxas.”

Axel’s gaze fell. He really had been an ‘ _A’_ grade moron. Axel hated himself for holding on to the hurt from the past. It irritated him a lot that he let that bitch affect him so much, even after all these years. Axel couldn’t let her come between himself and finding happiness with Roxas.

“Man… I was so stupid. I hadn’t been fucking anyone for months after we started our evening meet ups. I had no interests in booty calls, or hooking up with random people either. I don’t even know why I didn’t see it.”

“I saw it,” Demyx piped up triumphantly. “I knew you were in love, waaaay back.”

Axel looked up to glare at the idiot, which caused Demyx to wilt slightly.

“Yeah, I was and…” Axel swallowed the lump which was threatening to choke him, “still am in love with you. I was just too fucking slow to realize,” he conceded. “But thinking about it… I do actually know when I finally realized that I loved you, Roxas. But… ,” Axel looked up and glanced at the two other men in the room. “Maybe that’s a conversation best left between the two of us.”

Demyx whined about how unfair it was to not be privy to that information.

Ventus smiled softly.

Roxas nodded. “I - really liked you for a long time too, Axel. I wouldn’t have gone to that hotel room with you the second time if I didn’t. And… I wanted to tell you how I felt that day we kissed. But then you told me that story and… I lost all my nerve,” Roxas muttered, staring into his knitted hands which rested on his lap.

Axel noticed that Roxas wasn’t wearing the mittens he had bought for him. After the hurt Axel had caused him he couldn’t blame Roxas. But it still dug into him. He had spent _hours_ looking for something to give him. He wanted to leave a piece of himself with Roxas while he had to leave. He hated his family for making him go back to Hollow Bastion. He should have stayed with Roxas over Christmas and professed his love for him, like he had planned to before his family threw a spanner into the works.

But Roxas’ words… Axel never needed to leave a physical piece of himself behind. It sounded like he already had been in Roxas’ heart by Christmas. It made Axel warm. And not in an unpleasant ‘ _too hot’_ sort of a way either.

Axel gave a sharp exhale. Bitter amusement rolled through him. “I should have kept my mouth shut. I keep fucking things up between us.”

“No, that’s not completely true. We’re both fuck-ups.”

Another huff, but more amusement than bitterness ran through Axel.

“I really like kissing you, Roxas. I really like spending time with you. All the time we spent together never felt like enough. I had so much fun with you. But in all the other ways - in all the _normal_ ways which I had been trying to run away from for so long. Because _normal_ was settling down. It was fitting with others expectations. Getting married, having kids. It was all the stuff that burned me in the past. So I thought if I rejected it I’d never be burned again.” 

Axel had been so stupid. Going out to that arcade with Roxas had been so much fun. “It was a bit freaky when I realized that I actually liked doing _normal_ things with you though. I liked going out to that cafe with you. I really liked us hanging out, playing games, beating your high-scores,” a grin flashed and dropped down again, “watching stuff… snuggling. I _never_ thought myself as ever enjoying a snuggle. But I did, and… still do. As long as it’s with you. Dem is kind of rubbish.”

“Hey, I’m _still_ here,” Demyx protested. 

Axel brushed the comment off. His heart longed for Roxas. 

“And even the _weird_ stuff we did became normal. Us sitting in those bathtubs and not talking about ourselves and our everyday lives. Meeting up like we did. Having fun the way we do. Turns out no matter what I do, as long as it’s with you, it’s all good.” Axel looked up again, and flashed a small smile to both Ventus and Roxas.

“It was really scary when I realized I loved you. I never wanted to feel that way again. My past burned me, and all I could see what the same shit happening all over again. I’m really sorry for every shit thing I’ve put you through, Roxas.”

Roxas finally stood up, taking a deep breath before stepping towards Axel.

“Thanks for telling me all this stuff, Axel. You know… I -I never told you all the things I should have told you because I was also afraid. So scared of losing you if I showed you how strongly I actually felt about you. You’re right. All that… stuff around us being casual and fun walled us in. It always played on my mind. It made me worry and question what your motive was. It made me really fucking paranoid. You made me think that all you wanted from me was a fuck. And I didn’t want to give it to you, because I never wanted what we had to end. And I _still_ don’t want it to end. I want you in my life. I care about you. I -.” Roxas huffed and fell silent.

A soft chuckle rolled out of Axel, causing his body to rock. Axel felt so much better hearing him say that, even though it wasn’t quite… 

“We’ve both been wanting the same thing. We’ve both been stupid.”

“Yeah,” Roxas whispered, drawing even closer towards Axel.

Axel suddenly yearned for Roxas. He looked into Roxas’ gorgeous blue eyes. They shone back at him, somewhat lacklustre. And that’s when he became certain.

He laughed lightly and his eyes fell to the carpet. These two… he didn’t even feel annoyed about it. “I want to kiss you, Roxas,” he breathed, barely above a whisper. Axel hadn’t made a habit out of asking for specific things from Roxas to please himself. Probably because he had been too afraid of looking vulnerable through showing that he needed anyone in his life. But Axel felt it was ok to change. Roxas always made things all right. So that’s why he made this specific request now. That and he wanted to make Roxas sweat a little.

He raised his head and eyes once more.

That smile, which Axel loved seeing so much, finally flashed. It looked almost real. Blonde tufts shook as a shy nod and delicate fluttering eyelashes gave their consent. 

His own smile grew. Axel had to hand it to them for staying committed. His eyes drifted, and his body shifted. He turned away and took a small, quick step towards his right, wrapping a hand behind and into scruffy hair. He pulled gently, causing that beautiful face to tilt up towards himself. His other hand clasped over the small of the other man’s back. He pushed their bodies together.

“Axel?” breathed the object of his desires. Wide eyes sparkled like the ocean on a sunny day at high noon.

Axel smiled softly as he leaned down and whispered, “You don’t have to pretend anymore.”

Blue eyes widened further, slightly startled.

Axel closed the distance and grazed his lips against the corner of the other man's mouth, kissing gently before seeking out that full lip to lip contact. Axel fit his bottom lip between soft folds and sucked gently. He could feel how much his kissing partner was holding back and restraining himself. It made him smile, but he didn’t cease their kiss.

Demyx gasped in shock and that familiar but dismayed voice, that Axel had thought only belonged to Roxas, rang out from behind, “What’re you doing?!”

Axel ended the kiss and chuckled. He looked at the way cheeks had reddened and the way the other man’s chest rose and fell. Most of all he looked into those pools of dazzling endless blue and noted the way they lingered on Axel’s lips, wanting more.

He flashed a quick smirk behind himself. “What’s it look like I’m doing? I’m kissing Roxas.”

“I’m Ventus, that’s Roxas,” came the heaving with far too much desire response, while lips were licked, and a pointed nod was given towards his brother, behind Axel.

Axel looked at the man he was holding in his arms with warmth and adoration. “Didn’t I tell you to stop pretending? So drop the act already, Roxas. I can’t believe you’d try and trick me like this. You don’t think I’d recognize you even if I was blind?” he said with a smile and with as much affection as he could muster. He said it with as much _love_ as he could show without getting wholly inappropriate. 

A short pause and then that smile that Axel loved, followed. “You’d do the same if you had a twin,” came the bathed-in-light laughing response.

“Mmm, yeah, you’re probably right.” Axel pulled Roxas close to himself for another kiss. 

This time Roxas responded eagerly. Cool hands, which Axel loved so, _so_ much, pressed against his chest and ran down to where Axel had stopped buttoning himself up. Fabric was pushed aside and fingertips ran along Axel’s bare skin.

Shivers spread through Axel’s body, with that touch forming the roaming epicenter of his pleasure. He could get lost in Roxas’ touch so easily.

Their tongues massaged each other like they had done countless times before. Axel’s fingers rubbed and worked into Roxas’ hairline, pulling that hot and wanting mouth closer. He longed to swallow Roxas as deep down as possible.

Demyx was still seemingly floundering in the background, attempting to comprehend what was happening.

“What - Why… Roxas… but…”

Ventus laughed at Demyx’s flustered words. “It’s all right, Demyx. I’m Ventus, and that guy over there getting his face eaten off is Roxas.”

“Huh?!”

Ventus laughed more. “Yeah, we used to pull pranks like this all the time. You know… pretend to be each other.” He shrugged shoulders casually.

“What… so… this whole time…”

“Yup.”

Demyx’s head darted from the love birds to Ventus, who was standing at his side.

“But… what if Axel had kissed _you_?”

“Then Rox would make sure Axel never lived it down for the rest of his life,” he chuckled lightly.

“Hey, face muncher, how’d you know I wasn’t Roxas anyway? Or were you just planning on kiss _me_ , to make my brother feel bad?”

The two lovers pulled apart reluctantly, smiling at each other. Loud huffs and pants emanated from their corner of the room.

“No,” Axel shook his head. “I knew it was Roxas I was kissing.” 

The heated flush on Roxas’ cheeks deepened as Axel stroked him affectionately. He moaned in his head at that sight. He wanted to take Roxas upstairs so badly.

“What gave it away? Is Ven losing his touch when it comes to imitating me?”

“Oh - well maybe _minor_ niggling things, but overall pretty spot on. I even liked how you managed to blush at the right times, Ventus,” Axel threw back, while keeping his eyes trained on Roxas.

It had been all the small nuanced things. All the little habits and quirks which made Axel love Roxas that had given the game away. Clearly there were distinct differences between the brothers and Axel felt proud of himself for being able to read them. Yet despite this revelation Axel would still have to punish Roxas later - in the sweetest way possible - for trying to trick him like this.

He ran his fingers over the apples of Roxas’ cheeks, lightly stroking them. The way that Roxas leaned in ignited Axel. Roxas seemed to genuinely enjoy Axel’s company. He put up with so much of Axel’s shit in the past and even now. People like that didn’t come around all too often in Axel’s experience. People like Roxas needed to be treasured and loved. Axel had that in abundance for Roxas.

Other things he had an abundance of was warmth for the other man. He _really_ loved the fact that he could warm Roxas up with his touch. It was forever gratifying. He had always been too hot, even as a kid. His metabolism too high, or something. Good for his figure, but bad for his wallet as he always seemed to be in need to eat something. But not when he was with Roxas. Roxas satiated Axel’s appetite on so many levels.

He loved talking to Roxas, looking at him, being seen by him, touching him, supporting him. Axel was a pretty selfish guy. He was humble enough to recognize that about himself. But he liked being useful to Roxas. He loved being able to help Roxas feel warm. 

“So how -”

Axel thumbed over the lips he loved kissing so much. “You’re eyes just have that sparkle.”

Roxas rolled his eyes and huffed, but a glorious smile spread as well. 

Ventus laughed from behind. “Didn’t I always tell you, Rox? Total sparkling unicorn.”

“Sparkling unicorn?” Axel queried, utterly confused and turning his head slightly to see if looking at the other man might somehow let him understand better.

“Ignore him. Ven’s lost his mind.” Roxas’ fingers landed on Axel’s cheek, and turned his head back to face him. “You're not mad about our prank are you? I probably should have said something a lot earlier, but we got a bit too deep into it, and then I just didn’t know how to save it.”

“Mad? No.” Axel smiled softly at Roxas, holding him tightly. “That was probably one of the best pranks that's ever been pulled on me. And I've experienced my fair share. My brother's a bit of a dick,” Axel beamed.

Roxas’ smile intensified with joyous relief. “Ok, good.”

“But uh…”

“Yeah?”

“You meant everything you said, right? And Ventus said everything you _would_ have said, yeah? You meant it when you -"

“I love you, Axel,” came the sweet, gentle and knowing response.

It squeezed Axel's heart. He wanted to burst with elation. But then that would mean an end to himself, and that couldn't happen. Not after tonight. Not just as he had gotten Roxas back in his life again. So he leaned down and kissed him, and it certainly wouldn't be for the last time either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoyed the POV shift, and that it didn't get too confusing at the end there. I always wanted Rox and Ven to pretend to be each other but couldn't pull it off in Roxas' POV, so I changed it up. ... Which is nice as we finally get to see Axel's thoughts. *throws confetti*
> 
> Let me know when you figured out what was going on. I'd like to know if it worked, or if I failed miserably at making a fun surprise twist.
> 
>  **Fun Fact!** \- This is where the fic originally (in the first draft) ended. But then I added another chapter so it would be more satisfying.


	21. A Happy Reunion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axel and Roxas spend some much needed time together being honest and open with each other.

“You think they’re gonna stay like that all night?” Ventus whispered very loudly.

“I once had a kissing competition with Axel. We stayed lip locked for a whole hour. So I imagine this could go for longer than that,” Demyx informed in an equally loud whisper.

“An hour? Is Axel a good kisser?”

“Mmm… too much tongue. He doesn't know how to be romantic. Not like my Zexy.”

“Oh yeah? Your guy much better boyfriend material?”

“Yup, definitely. Zexy also knows how to tidy up after himself. He’s caring and gentle and doesn’t shed like a cat. You should see the hairballs in the bathroom.”

“Roxas better sheer him if he’s gonna keep Axel,” Ventus muttered thoughtfully.

Roxas was shaking with laughter at overhearing that conversation. By this point he had to pull out of the kiss.

“Aww, c’mon guys. Look what you did,” Axel complained chasing Roxas’ lips, desperate to resume the kissing.

The men behind him just gave dopey grins.

“As much as I love seeing my baby brother happy -”

“Baby brother?” Demyx butted in.

“Yeah, Rox is younger.”

“Only by thirteen minutes,” Roxas corrected, with hand placed on Axel’s sternum to keep the man off him for a fraction of a second.

“And fifty-seven seconds. Don’t forget that part,” Ventus corrected. Roxas stuck his tongue out, which Axel seemed to take as a sign that it was ok to start kissing again.

“See, so immature,” Ventus said with a smile before he continued, “Anyway, I think we need to go. It’s getting late and -”

The doorbell rang.

The kiss broke and all eyes turned towards the door and then towards Axel.

“ _Zack_ ,” Demyx whispered, covering his mouth.

Roxas bit his lip in cold dread. Would Axel still go on his date with that guy? It seemed like such a stupid thought to have after all that Axel had confessed. But it was still a sickening possibility.

“Don’t look so worried, Roxas. I’ll let him off the hook gently and then I'll be right back. You're the only one I wanna be with.” Axel chased Roxas’ lips for one more quick kiss and then started towards the door, doing the remainder of his buttons up. 

At the archway he stopped abruptly, turning on his heels. “Don’t you two go anywhere, and don’t think of pulling that prank on me again. I’ll always be able to tell you two apart,” Axel threatened.

Roxas was beginning to form words when he was cut off.

“Don’t even think about it, Roxas. Or I will purposefully make out with your brother.”

Roxas pouted and Ventus laughed.

Axel turned back and headed towards the door.

Roxas rubbed at his arms. He felt amazing. Axel… only wanted _him_. He hugged himself a little and lay eyes on his brother.

They closed in on each other, grinning from ear to ear.

“I didn’t think you wanted to go the full way with pretending to be each other. I thought we were just gonna watch his little mind explode at seeing both of us and then I’d explain.”

“Mm, yeah. But then I saw the way he lay into you and… well I wanted to mess with him.”

Ventus laughed, “I always knew _you_ were the evil twin out of the two of us.”

“I have my moments,” Roxas grinned, feeling pleased with himself.

“You definitely do. And you did really well,” Ventus said, still chuckling.

“Thanks.”

“That was a nice touch with the handshake.”

“Yeah, well I thought it be too suspicious if I didn’t offer,” Roxas tilted his head thoughtfully. “Lucky for me he didn’t take it.”

Ventus nodded and hummed in agreement.

“You also did really well. Axel’s right. That blush was pretty spot on,” Roxas praised.

Ventus laughed and scrunched his face up in appreciation of that compliment. “Not so hard to figure out what you’d be feeling. And I’m actually impressed you fessed up to so much stuff.”

“It was kinda easier when I could pretend to be someone else,” he admitted with a slight shrug of shoulders.

“Man, I’m glad it was easy for you. It was really hard for me. I wish you’d have given me a briefing before we got here.”

“Sorry. Again… I really didn’t know I was gonna pull off that move until I made it. But you did fine. You didn’t say anything I really disagreed with.”

Ventus exhaled with great relief and slipped into a relaxed stance, with hands on slanted hips. “Man, I’m so glad I actually listened to you when you were yacking on to me about all your shit.” Ventus face his cheesiest grin.

“See, paying attention comes in handy. That's a life lesson for you, free of charge.”

“Thanks Rox! Whatever would I do without you?”

“Mm, probably have a really complicated life.”

“I think you mean I’d have a really peaceful one," he laughed.

“But then you’d be all grumpy and bored out of your mind.”

“Well aren’t you just the picture of benevolence.”

“I am. Don’t forget it. Oh - and speaking of grumpy. Did you have to be like that?” Roxas had gotten a bit irritated with Ventus. Even though they hadn’t discussed much the previous day, Roxas had in fact talked at greater length with his brother about his thoughts regarding the fight he and Axel had in the alley. Especially after Roxas had gotten all that new insight from Demyx.

Ventus’ opinions had been in direct contrast to his own.

“It’s coz I care too much about you, duh. I’m still not cool with what he did to you. But I do kinda feel a little less pissed off after meeting him. He seems nice and sincere.” 

“Yeah. He is.” Roxas couldn’t fight down the big grin anymore. Today felt like a tremendous victory for several reasons. Hearing Ventus say what he had just said felt amazing, for one. Despite him not wanting to admit it, Ventus’ opinion of Axel really mattered to him. 

There was also the not so trifling matter of having finally been given the immensely longed for declaration of love he had been craving to hear. Axel _loved_ him. But Axel also knew what a complete asshole he had been. He had been humble enough to admit it. He was sorry. 

A laugh rolled out of Roxas. He was so happy. And Ventus mirrored his expression.

A sound from the hallway drew Roxas’ attention away. Axel was standing at the door, holding it open and rubbing at his head in that adorably sheepish way that was his mannerism. He was probably having an awkward time.

Roxas didn’t know if Axel felt Roxas’ eyes on himself but Axel cast a glance over towards him. Roxas was still smiling like a fool. Nothing could dampen his spirits tonight. _Nothing_. 

Axel smiled back at him, winked, and blew him a kiss before moving outside. The door was pulled closed behind himself. 

Roxas sighed in contentment, and tried to calm himself so the heat in his face would go down.

“You’re such sickening lovebirds,” Ventus teased. 

Roxas’ attention snapped towards his brother and he dug fingers into Ventus’ armpits, causing shrieks and giggles.

“You’re just jealous that you and Liss are beyond the sickening lovebird stage. It’s all stale marriage and living your humdrum existence from here on out,” Roxas sniggered, digging his fingers into Ventus a little harder.

Ventus’ laughter rose and he swatted the offending hands away, trying to compose himself. “Alright, alright. I’m sorry. Geez. Think of me and my boring arsed life while you and Axel flirt and screw like the spring chickens that you are,” he chortled, getting the last few rolling laughs out of his body.

“Mmm, nah. I’m not gonna be thinking of you while I’m doing those things. You pervert.”

“Who’re you calling a pervert? It’s you and Axel who’ve been doing weird shit together. I thought you were used to that lifestyle by now,” Ventus sniggered.

“I’m used to _his_ weirdness. I don’t want to know about yours.”

Ventus chuckled low in his throat. “Fine, be that way. But anyway, I can’t believe Axel actually got it right and could tell us apart. You think it was a lucky guess?” he casting his eyes over to the empty hallway.

Roxas shook his head. “No. He knew.” Roxas’ heart quickened, and then he felt irritated. He punched his brother hard in the shoulder.

Ventus yelped and rubbed in dismay. “Hey! What’s that for?” 

“I saw you making eyes at him. How dare you say _yes_ to letting him kiss ‘ _me_ ’,” Roxas glowered playfully, trying to forget how scared he had actually been when Axel had said that he wanted to kiss him while their charade had still been going at full force.

“It’s not like you wouldn’t have said yes. I was just playing the part. And now we know that he has passed the biggest test of all, right?” Ventus grinned foolishly.

An overjoyed smile chased away the frown on Roxas’ face. “Yeah,” he breathed. Axel had recognized him. It blew Roxas’ mind. 

He hadn’t known how he was ever going to break the news to Axel that they were messing with him. He truly hadn’t thought it through when he introduced himself as Ventus. But… maybe also a part of himself had wanted to test Axel. Test his own assumptions and fears that no one in the world could tell him and Ventus apart by just glancing at them. But Axel had surpassed all of Roxas’ expectations.

“I really wish you weren’t so insecure about yourself at times. I wish you’d believe in yourself as much as Axel seems to believe in you.”

Roxas’ head drew up from where it had sunk to look at the carpet. Eyes focused on Ventus and he frowned. “I know. It’s a slow and ongoing process.”

“Make sure it never stops, ok? Not until you finally get there. And even _then_ keep improving.”

A loving hand landed on Roxas’ shoulder and he nodded.

There was a sound from the hallway of a door opening, drawing all three pairs of eyes towards it.

“Hey… can we try to mess with Axel one more time? I really wanna know if the whole thing was a fluke or not,” Ventus laughed, drawing away from Roxas a little.

An amused groan sounded out of Roxas and he rolled his eyes. “I’ve created a monster. Why does no one ever believe me when I tell them that _you_ were the menace out of the two of us whilst we were growing up?”

Ventus shrugged. “Dunno. Must be my sweet and innocent face?”

Roxas huffed out in exasperation.

“So can we? Be quick!”

The door opened and voices drifted in.

_“Again, sorry about all this, Zack. I’ll buy you a beer some time to make it up to you, ok?”_

“Fine. But it’s not gonna work. You’ll see,” Roxas relented.

Ventus beamed brightly and winked at Demyx, pressing his finger to his lips in a shushing sign. 

Roxas shuffled into Ventus’ previously occupied spot and looked on as Ventus walked towards the hallway. His brother was having way too much fun messing with both Axel and Roxas. It was probably some sort of revenge for the months of moaning and complaining Ventus had endured.

 _“Yeah, all right.”_

Suddenly Axel stepped back, rather startled, and a stranger's face popped out from behind the door, searching the room beyond. A radiant and giant smile beamed out when blue eyes found the blonde trio in the living room.

“Dude, what’re you doing?” Axel tried to push the other man’s head back, but was swatted away.

“Just satisfying my curiosity,” Zack laughed before turning his attention back to the other men. “Hey! Just wanted to say that I _tried_ to get a kiss out of Axel, as recompense for making me come all the way out here for nothing, but he wouldn’t budge. Said he was patching things up with someone he was really into, which I assume is one of you three… unless it’s all three of you. In which case, Axel, you sly dawg. You should invite me to the orgy. I kinda fancy blondes too.” 

Demyx waved his arms around wildly. “Man, don’t give Axel any ideas!”

“Too late. I’m imagining it right now.” Axel gave a toothy smirk.

The man who had barged in on them gave a brash and cheerful laugh. “Word of advice, make sure everyones cool with it, and make certain that no one gets left out or neglected.”

Axel nodded in response to the sage advice he just received. “We’ll definitely stay in touch, Zack. You can be my guru.”

The man laughed again and nodded, “Always happy to help and advise, buddy.” He turning back to the trio standing around the living room. “But yeah, I just wanted to see what was going on in here for someone to refuse me a kiss. Axel seems really committed to whatever is going on. So all the best to you guys.” He flashed a grin at everyone, last of all Axel and then his face disappeared again.

“You didn’t have to… .” … “Thanks, Zack.” … “Night.” Axel closed the door and sighed, whilst rubbing his head. He turned and headed back towards them, a big smile spreading across his face.

“Well that was a bit weird. I guess he wasn’t horribly offended?” Ventus approached and met Axel under the archway.

Roxas looked on, unfazed, still not harboring a shadow of a doubt that Axel would be able to see right through it. Because despite them not having talked much about _personal_ things, they still knew each other. Inside and out. And tonight had only served to deepen their understanding of one another. 

“No, he took it well enough. Seems like a really nice guy.” Axel and Ventus looked at each other and smiled. “But it’s now time to get back to the business of kissing my favorite cinnamon roll.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Ventus stepped closer, seeming to eagerly await the kiss.

“Fuck off, Ventus,” Axel brushed past the man and beelined towards Roxas. “Didn’t I tell you guys to cut it out?”

Roxas’ lips drew together as he tried to keep his laughter in check, but it rattled free. Axel came to a standstill in front of Roxas with a cocked eyebrow. But it was melted away by a smile as he looked down at him. 

Roxas wanted to be held. He wanted to be close to Axel. Three and a bit weeks had been too long.

He closed the distance between them, reaching up, and hooking hands around Axel's neck. He was picked up right on cue. Roxas wrapped his legs firmly around Axel's waist for support and held on tight, pushing himself close to that delicious heat. It felt like nothing had changed. The familiarity of Axel’s touch was the sweetest and most satisfying treat Roxas thought he would ever truly need.

“Ven didn’t believe that you knew,” Roxas muffled into Axel’s neck. He took a deep whiff of Axel’s natural scent. It tightened Roxas’ insides with desire. He squeezed Axel and placed a small kiss to his jugular. 

Axel rubbed his face against Roxas’ hair with affection before he began to shake with laughter. “You know I need to make out with your brother in front of you now, right?”

“Why?” Roxas leaned back to look at Axel with scornful disapproval.

“Because you guys tried to trick me again.”

“It was Ventus’ idea though. Why do I get punished?”

“Because you didn’t make a move to stop him. You’re his terrible accomplice.” Axel placed an affectionate kiss on the tip of Roxas’ nose.

For some reason that made his chest tingle and neck prickle with heat. “I had complete faith in you,” he asserted. “Isn’t that enough?”

“Then why test me, huh?” came the tease and a fond kiss to Roxas’ temple. 

“Well it’s my duty as his brother to make sure you’re legit, Axel. I don’t want Rox to end up with some dropkick,” Ventus put forth.

“Yeah right. I bet you’re just dying to experience what Roxas has probably been raving to you about for months. And now you’re using any excuse you can to make it happen,” Axel smirked as he turned to face Ventus.

The twins simultaneously scoffed.

Axel laughed and hugged Roxas close to himself. Roxas reciprocated. It felt so good to have things back to normal. Although things were definitely better than what they had been.

After one more firm squeeze, Axel relaxed his grip and moved towards Ventus, grabbing him by the hand, but let go as quickly as he had latched on.

“Geez, what’s wrong with you?” Axel exclaimed, in abhorrent shock.

“Huh?” Ventus looked confused.

“That’s the one difference between us. He’s warm, I’m cold,” Roxas clarified.

“Ooooh.” Axel’s eyes went wide with probably some newly thought of sexual fantasy. But then eyes quickly narrowed with displeasure. Axel focused on Roxas, “There’s more than just one difference between you two though. So stop talking like that, Roxas. I knew it was you before I ever touched you,” Axel corrected firmly.

Roxas’ heart fluttered at Axel’s supportiveness. He smiled and nodded. “My bad.”

Axel grabbed Ventus’ hand again and headed towards the stairs, dragging Ventus along, and carrying Roxas. “C’mon, I’m taking you two upstairs. If watching me make out with Ventus gets you hot enough we can have a threesome.”

“Woah there,” Ventus ripped his hand out from Axel’s touch.

“No?” Axel looked shocked. Like it was the weirdest thing imaginable to refuse such an activity.

“I’m flattered and all but… yeah, no,” Ventus shook his head.

Axel shifted Roxas to sit more on his hip. “The making out or possible threeosme?”

“Both.”

Axel whined a little in the back of his throat. “Why not?”

“Eh, coz we’re twins,” Ventus eyed Roxas as his brother vehemently shook his head and mouthed ‘no’ over and over again. Ventus just gave his brother a funny look but continued to speak, “and it’s weird.”

Roxas groaned. Didn’t he warn Ventus about that trap?

“That’s _exactly_ why we should do it,” Axel answered cheerfully.

Ventus cleared his throat, and with a hard look said, “Get your head screwed on right. I have a _fiancé_ , remember? You mangled my brother because you thought he was getting married.” The grumpiness from earlier returned.

Roxas could feel Axel’s muscles clench with discomfort against him. 

“Yeah, I know. Your right. Sorry, I think I'm a bit too excited right now to think straight," Axel muttered apologetically, seemingly chastened by Ventus’ sobering words. 

Axel really was too excitable at times. But Roxas kinda liked that about him too. 

"What about a foursome then? Would your missus be up for that?” Axel threw out, in some sort of a last ditch effort to get his fantasy fulfilled.

It made Ventus chortle and Roxas groan. “See what I have to contend with?” Roxas bemoaned, rolling his eyes. “One track mind.”

Ventus sighed in amused exasperation and nodded sympathetically. “Yeah, Axel’s pretty nice to look at, but damn - you need to teach him how to shut his mouth, Rox.”

“Hey!” Axel objected.

“He’s a bit hard to train. Needs constant reminding and reinforcing, on account of him being so forgetful,” Roxas lamented, while loving the fact that he had his brother here to bounce teasing remarks off of.

“Oi!”

“You really sure you wanna be with this guy?”

“I thought I did but now... Mmm... Not so sure.”

Axel's head snapped towards Roxas, his eyes as large as saucers. "No, I'm sorry for being a stupid, insensitive and horny idiot. Please don't go, Roxas. I'll behave. I -" Axel clutched Roxas firmly against his body.

Roxas found it difficult to even be pretend-mad right now. He was just too glad that everything was all right between them. But he had to try and milk it… just a _little_. “Should I forgive him, Ven?”

“Well I suppose his pitiful begging is kinda endearing. So maybe you should. In a few more days though.”

“I was thinking more like a few more weeks. Maybe even a couple of months… ”

“No," Axel gasped. “I don’t want to be without you. Please forgive me. I miss you when we’re not together. A few more weeks is gonna kill me. I don’t even wanna think about what _months_ would do to me,” he shuddered.

Roxas attempted to keep his amusement in check. “Maybe that’ll teach you a lesson,” he got out in an aloof and uncaring fashion, which he was rather proud of for pulling off.

“How am I s'posed to learn anything if you’re not here to constantly remind and reinforce?” Axel pleaded and buried his face under Roxas’ chin, nuzzling him.

Axel’s affections always melted Roxas. It felt like one of his biggest weaknesses. And he could never let Axel know or the man would use it get Roxas to do God knows what kind of things. He tried to collect and contain the gooey puddle of a mess his heart was in right now and slowly let out, “Oh alright then. Forgiveness will be dished out sooner rather than later.”

“Oh thank you, thank you, thank you!” came the overjoyed gushing of words, accompanied by a waterfall of tiny kisses all over Roxas’ neck, winding up to his cheeks.

Roxas couldn't keep the smile down, but his attention was shortly draw back towards his brother when Ventus suddenly spoke up, “Well, you made your own bed, now you’ve got to lay in it sadly.” His voice was full of commiserations, despite his face speaking of how happy he was for Roxas.

Kisses faltered. “What you mean ‘ _sadly_ ’?” Axel protested.

“Yeah. Do think of me and send me a care package once in a while, ok, Ven?”

“Sure. I’ll send you plenty of earplugs, in case Axel is an exceedingly slow learner. Might even buy you more music vouchers so you can redeem them for something to drown Axel out with.”

“What -”

“Thanks, Ven. There are some new albums I was planning to get. Your donations to the _drown-out-the-annoying-redhead-in-Roxas’-life_ fund would be greatly appreciated.”

Axel’s eyes kept darting between the two brothers. Every time he tried to open his mouth to get out more than one word he was interrupted.

“I’ll try and drum up some other folks to help out. Maybe I’ll even make you an online donation page,” Ventus mused.

“That would be great. Thanks Ven. You’re the best brother.”

“No worries, Rox. I do what I can to look out for my most favorite brother of all time.”

Twins grinned at each other.

Axel had given up talking, choosing to just stare at the ceiling. But when the giggles started Axel was brought back into the room. “Oh… you two finally _done_? Am I allowed to speak now?”

“ _Yeah. We suppose,_ ” they spoke in unison.

It wasn’t as if Roxas and Ventus ever planned or rehearsed it. It was something which just naturally happened, and was one of the funnest things about being together.

Axel blinked at them somewhat startled. But he recollected himself and didn’t miss a beat, “Oh that is _so_ gracious of my twin overlords.”

Roxas laughed loudly at that. But Ventus sighed and pulled out his phone to look at the time. “Well look, _this_ overlord’s gotta go.” 

Roxas and Axel looked at each other. Warm fingers gripping him tighter, ever so slightly. Roxas’ heart ached. He didn’t want to go. They had only just cleared up the misunderstanding and there were weeks of lost time to catch up on. Would it be ok if Roxas stayed?

“You can go if you want,” Axel offered up with stilted words.

Roxas looked between his brother and Axel. “I’d - like to stay the night with you. If that’s ok.”

Axel’s face lit up and Roxas hadn’t realized that Axel had been holding his breath until he felt the other man start taking deep breaths again.

“Stay for as long as you want.”

Roxas barely heard his brother’s voice over the glorious sound that had emanated from Axel’s throat.

“Hmm, what?”

Ventus chuckled. “I said I’ll leave you guys alone.”

“Thanks, Ven,” but Roxas’ eyes were still transfixed on brilliant green.

“I’ll see you… when? Tomorrow some time? You gonna go to work?”

“Huh?” Roxas looked at his brother as if he had just been pulled out of a dream. Reality Land sucked sometimes. “Uh,” Roxas’ gaze returned onto Axel. He wasn't sure what was appropriate in this situation.

Axel came to Roxas’ rescue. “Well I'm sadly going to be horribly sick tomorrow and unable to go to work.”

It made Roxas smile. “Are you going to need somebody to nurse you back to health?”

“Not _somebody._ I'm gonna need _someone very_ specific. First name 'Rox’. Middle name 'Cute’. Last name 'Ass’.”

Ventus laughed. “God, you guys are disgusting. It makes me really happy to see,” he smiled with pure joy.

Roxas grinned, leaving a sharp nip on Axel's neck, partly in affection, partly as punishment. “I guess that settles it. I’ll take some more personal time off. I’ll see you tomorrow for dinner though, Ven.”

“Ok then. Keys?”

Roxas nodded towards his back pocket.

Ventus strode up to his brother, who was still being held firm by Axel, and fished around.

“Mmm, yeah. Feel him up real good, Ventus,” Axel moaned.

The twins groaned.

Axel sniggered.

“Got ‘em. See ya later then. Look after each other.” Ventus gave a wave at the lovebirds, as well as Demyx as he headed for the door. 

“Bye Demyx.” 

“See ya.” And with that Ventus was gone.

Demyx had been standing by the living room archway, observing everything very quietly.

Axel threw him a hard look. 

“Um… I think I’ll go visit Zexy.” He dashed to get his coat.

“Don’t forget your keys, airhead. I’m not letting you in tonight if you can’t do it yourself. And probably not tomorrow morning either.”

Axel turned hungry eyes on Roxas. “Or the afternoon.”

The rumble in Axel's voice traveled through Roxas’ body. He pushed his hips against Axel and bit down on his lip.

“Right, right.” Demyx patted himself down to make sure he had everything and then fled. “Have fun, boys!”

“Oh, we will,” Axel grinned. His attention had long left Demyx and was solely focused on the man clinging to his side.

The door slammed shut and they were left alone.

Axel breathed out. “God you’re getting heavy. Too many desserts?”

“Not enough.”

“Let me get you upstairs into my bed.”

“You got desserts there?”

“Not at the moment but a special package is about to be delivered,” Axel chuckled. “You wanna hazard a guess at what it is?” Axel turned them around and began heading up.

“Tough quiz. But I have a feeling it might be a cinnabun… and a carrot cake.”

“Oi!”

“I like carrot cake, you know?” Roxas sniggered, shifted his weight and began sucking on Axel’s neck while he was transported up.

“And I love cinnabuns,” Axel left a kiss in Roxas’ hair. “I’m really glad I was wrong about you, Roxas,” he murmured. 

Roxas hummed in agreement against warm skin before pulling away. “Me too, Axel. I’m glad this was nothing but a misunderstanding. I’m glad you didn’t just want a quick fuck from me. I’m glad to have you in my life.” Roxas squeezed Axel tight, causing the man to wheeze.

They exchanged loving smiles and reached the top of the stairs. There was a narrow hallway and three doors recessed into the walls. Axel waltzed towards the door in the back which was apparently his bedroom. 

“Don’t mind the mess, Roxas. It’s usually a _little_ bit more tidy than this.” 

Roxas got a rotating view of the room over Axel’s shoulder, as he turned to close his door behind them. Clothes littered the floor and spilled out of the mirrored sliding double door wardrobe.

“Sure, sure. Now I know why your work shirts are always in such a poor state.” 

“Hey, I remember the way you eyed me that first day. It’s part of my sex-appeal and you know it.” Axel nuzzled Roxas’ neck.

Roxas smiled as his eyes drifted across the bedroom. There were band and video game posters stuck to the walls, which Roxas recognized quite easily. Axel's room looked lived in. It seemed chaotic and wild, without being a complete disaster zone. It reflected Axel's personality wonderfully.

“I was terrified that day. Don’t get confused between lust and -” He froze up against Axel's warm touches.

Axel followed Roxas’ gaze and a smirk bloomed on his face. “Lust or terror, Roxas, hmm? I can’t tell what you’re wearing right now,” he chuckled low in his throat.

“Oh. My. God. Get me the _fuck_ out of here, Axel. I’m not even kidding!” Roxas began fighting against Axel, who shook with chesty laughter.

“Calm down, it’s not _that_ bad.”

“No, let me go, I’m serious.” He pushed against Axel's chest and tried to slip off, but was firmly held in place.

“The special cinnabun delivery _has_ to be made to the bed.”

Axel strode forward while Roxas wailed. “Don’t you _dare_.”

But Axel did dare and threw Roxas down onto his abhorrent circular mattress.

“Nooooooooooooo!” Roxas cried as he bounced. He scrambled up and knelt in the middle, turning 360 degrees, as if completely disoriented.

“This is a complete deal breaker. I can’t be with you on this thing. In fact - I can't be with you, period.”

“Of course you can. You’ve been on these in the past. I’m sure you’ll adapt.” Axel joined Roxas on the bed and lay down, completely unfazed by the fact that there was no right or wrong way to sleep on the thing.

“Those times were different. Those were once offs. But this?” Roxas looked around himself in disgust. “You told me these beds aren’t meant to be slept in,” Roxas accused. “So how the fuck can you own one?”

“I own it because I have money, Roxas,” Axel chuckled.

Roxas was completely put off. “But -”

“Chill out. I think you'll grow to like this bed.”

A warm hand fingered its way underneath Roxas’ layers and stroked stomach.

Roxas looked down at Axel. “But - sleep! _How_?” Roxas knew he was being ridiculous. He also knew Axel found it adorable.

Axel's hand drifted around Roxas’ waist, pulling Roxas a little closer. “I just sleep whichever way I want. Each night I face a different direction. Never a dull moment. It’s perfect.”

“Perfectly weird,” Roxas grumbled.

“Exactly. Would you expect anything less of me?”

Roxas sat with a huff, causing them both to bounce a little. He looked at Axel, laying there with an arm under his head, propping himself up and looking ludicrously sexy. “No,” he sulked. “I guess this type of bed suits you. Full of itself, ostentatious, impractical and weird.”

A bright grin flashed. “But despite all of that you still like me, yeah?”

“I do.”

“So let me finally show you where the head goes.” Axel pulled Roxas down on top of himself, pressing Roxas’ head firmly against his chest. “Right here.”

Roxas listened to Axel’s strong heartbeat. He wrapped his arms firm around that slim torso and nestled. “I guess this isn’t so bad,” he muttered with a smile.

“Told you it would be all right, didn’t I? As long as you’re with me I’ll make sure that the weird never weirds you out completely.” Fingers ran over Roxas’ scalp, massaging and stroking.

“Did you get us all those rooms with round beds on purpose?”

“Well at first I just loved watching you have a total freak out over them. But then I started to imagine you laying here next to me… so I had to try and acclimatize you to them, didn’t I?”

Roxas squeezed Axel’s sides gently and nuzzled into his chest. “So you made me suffer for purely selfish reasons,” he muffled into Axel’s shirt.

“Mm-hm. Because what we’re doing right now is so awful, right?”

“The worst.” Roxas stretched up a little and pressed a kiss to Axel’s collarbone before he snuggled back down, listening to the heartbeat below.

Fingers tangled back into Roxas’ hair. It was peaceful and Roxas felt completely content. After a moment Axel’s chest started to rise and fall with a tune he began humming, and then singing.

**♪** _Do you recall how long it must've been_  
**♪** _Since any room held only you and me?_  
**♪** _Every song that sings about it_  
**♪** _Says that we can't live without it_  
**♪** _Now I know just what that really means_

Roxas smiled against Axel's body. Roxas had never attributed any significant meaning to the songs that Axel sang. But maybe they all had meant something.

**♪** _Let's lock the door behind us_  
**♪** _They won't find us_  
**♪** _Make the whole world wait_  
**♪** _While we_

**♪** _Dance around this bedroom_  
**♪** _Like we've only got tonight_  
**♪** _Not about to let you_  
**♪** _Go until the morning light_  
**♪** _You can be my whole world_  
**♪** _If I can be your satellite_ **(1)**

“You’re such a cheesecake factory,” Roxas interrupted and raised his head to look at Axel with a fond smile.

“My serenading _still_ not winning you over?”

“No. It never has and never will.”

“You know that will make me try harder, right?”

Roxas shook with gentle laughter.

“When I'm with you I sing from the heart, Roxas. I'll find one that stirs and touches you so deeply one day that it'll make you cry.”

“I've already got that song in my life, Axel.”

They looked at each other. Axel stroked Roxas’ cheek lazily, smiling warmly.

“Roxas, I -.” Axel’s face grew pensive and he fell silent.

“What’s wrong?” Roxas pulled Axel’s hand to his mouth so he could kiss the palm.

“Nothing’s wrong. So much is right. -I think I started falling for you from the moment I serenaded you through that door and it had no effect on you.”

“Yeah?” Roxas nestled his head back against Axel’s chest. He smiled at the memory. It had been such a long time ago. It had been so much scary fun. 

Warm hand kept threaded through Roxas’ hair, brushing and massaging. “Yeah,” Axel breathed. “I didn’t know how deep you got under my skin until that day you kissed me though. And even then I tried to brush it off. I thought it might have been a stupid crush or meaningless infatuation. I hoped that maybe if we fucked whatever I was feeling would all go away. But - at the same time I didn’t _want_ it to go away. So I didn't push it further.”

Hearing that filled Roxas up with warmth. So that had been why Axel had stopped… 

“I was really stupid and in denial.” Axel continued. “I really didn’t want to be in love ever again,” he muttered. “I kept telling myself I wasn’t. I kept thinking that ‘ _oh, I’ll stick around until we kiss. Oh, I’ll stick around until I get to touch his cock. Oh, I’ll stick around until he lets me suck him off - until I get a blowjob - until anal.’_ Everything I told myself was just an excuse to stay with you,” Axel said with a smile in his voice.

“You’re a real doofus.” Roxas looked up at Axel and rubbed his cheek.

“I know. Trust me I completely know now. I should have just come to terms with it when we kissed. I should have come to terms with it that day because everything was telling me I was, but I didn’t want to listen. You talking about dating other people made me feel jealous. And I’m not that type of guy to get jealous. And then you told me you wanted things to stay exactly how they had always been between us. Man… that… I realized I wanted things to change as soon as you said that. I remember thinking ‘ _Why doesn't Roxas want things to change?_ ’ I didn’t know I wanted things to be different until you told me you wanted them to stay the same. And I also didn’t really know _how_ I wanted them to be different.” Axel sighed with exasperation and shook his head in dismay.

Roxas hummed and a few beats later he glanced at Axel and continuing, “So… when _did_ you come to terms with it?”

Axel’s expression fell. “The day you showed me your wrist.” His hand left Roxas’ hair and found his hand. Axel stroked him tenderly. “I couldn’t deny it after that. I couldn’t pretend it was something else.”

“Oh.” It filled Roxas with a bit of pain but also with delight. “You’re really sweet, Axel. You _were_ really sweet back then too. I really liked that. And, I really liked sleeping with you, and waking up with you."

“Me too. I liked it more than I was comfortable to admit. I liked keeping you - safe... ," Axel looked like he had eaten something sour and he trailed off, choking on the word.

It stabbed Roxas’ heart to see the way Axel grimaced at his own words. He gave him an encouraging pat on the head. “There, there. It’s all right. That’s all in the past now.”

Axel couldn't find it in himself to smile. Sorrow and upset stained his mouth and brows.

How could Roxas lighten this up?

“So… me telling you one thing makes you want to do the opposite?”

“Er -”

“Coz if that’s the case… No, Axel, I don’t want you to buy me a new surround sound system. No, Axel, I don’t want you to buy yourself a normal bed. No, Axel, I don’t want you to clean up your room and keep it tidy.” 

“You cheeky… ,” Axel started tickling Roxas lightly.

Roxas shrieked in shrill delight, fending Axel’s fingers off. He rolled off him but Axel pulled him back so Roxas’ chest was firmly pressed against Axel’s side.

“I’m not letting you get away,” Axel laughed low in his throat.

“You promise?” was the timid response. His heart felt like it was in his throat. This evening was so strange. Being so open with Axel, and having Axel be so open with him was surreal.

“I promise,” Axel said with a lot of gravity in his voice.

Roxas leaned up a little, leaving a fleeting gentle kiss and happy smiles on both their faces.

Roxas’ smile broadened a little… and then a lot. “No, Axel,” he giggled.

Axel glared, but the underlying amusement was easy to spot. “You gonna keep going?”

Roxas hummed his ‘ _yes’_ and his giggles stilled as he continued, “I don’t want us to move in together. No, Axel, I don’t want you to love me forever.” A sparkling smile settled on Roxas’ lips. It felt so good to say this stuff. Even if it was still wrapped in a protective layer of jest. 

Axel’s frown vanished. He looked at Roxas with gentle warmth. “You really want those things?”

Roxas shrugged and trailed fingers down Axel’s chest, working on undoing buttons. “Maybe one day… in the not so distant future.”

“I want whatever you want, Roxas.” Axel breathed deep, as if the next thing was difficult to say. “I wanted to be closer to you. I wanted to spend every second with you. And I haven’t felt that way in a _long_ time about anybody. The day we kissed when we were making out… if you had been anyone else I’d have sucked you off and convinced you to do the same to me. But I was happy to let you go get your drink. That’s when I _really_ knew that there was something wrong with me. That’s when everything started making sense to me. But again… I tried to tell myself I wasn’t.” Axel sighed in irritation and his face scrunched up. “But enough about me. What about you Roxas? When did you realize?”

“I knew you were special to me in October some time.”

“What about… When did you… I mean… I know you said it but I just want to make sure. You _do_ love me, right? Not that… it matters. If you don’t, or if you ever change your mind that’s fine too,” Axel seemed to try to dismiss casually.

The uneasiness in Axel was painfully obvious in his tone of voice and in the way his muscles tense as both of them lay pressed together. Roxas breathed down the butterflies in his gut and the hefty knot in his throat. Of course Roxas loved Axel. He shifted, positioning himself back atop of Axel and probed, “Do you think I’d say things I don’t mean?”

Axel looked at him, eyes darting and scanning. “No. I believe you.”

“Good.”

Axel hummed. It clearly still weighing on his mind. “But can you answer it anyway - When you first knew?”

Axel’s insecurity left a buzzing pang in Roxas’ gut. He once again wanted to make it better. “Why you want to know? This isn't a competition,” he teased gently.

“It becomes a competition if I think I can win it?” came a cheeky wink and grin.

Roxas’ discomfort eased a little. “You really think you loved me before I loved you?” he challenged with a flash of a toothy smile. 

“Wanna bet on it?”

Roxas chuckled. “What on earth would we bet?”

Axel thought for a moment. “Well if you lose I get to be on top. And if you win you get to be on top. - For all eternity.”

Roxas laughed. “Oh the stakes are really high, aren’t they.”

“The highest,” Axel intoned with a lot of gravity.

“In that case I could just make up whatever. Who would you be to dispute any of my claims?”

“I’ll know if you’re lying to me,” Axel sounded very self-assured.

“Fine then. I knew I loved you as soon as you gave me that blowjob.”

“Ahh, I knew I had a magic mouth.” Axel licked his lips. “Well I knew I loved you the day I got you off with just the press of my fingers.” Axel teased, pressing his finger against Roxas’ nose.

Roxas felt embarrassed heat rise to his face. He smiled through it. “I knew I loved you the day you wore those Chocobo briefs. The way your cock poked out, giving the print such a pronounced beak was priceless.”

Axel laughed at that. “I still have them if you want me to wear them again,” he winked.

“If I ever need a good laugh you know what to do.”

Axel beamed at Roxas. “You got it. But where were we - Ah yes - I knew I loved you the day I watched you taste your first sea salt milkshake.”

“Mmm, God those things are _so_ good! I knew I loved you the day you bought me one of those drinks.”

Axel thumbed over Roxas’ cheeks with a lot of affection. “We can’t have a tie. Not yet.” Axel thought a bit more. “I knew I loved you the day we went to the arcade because I purposefully let you win some of the games. I didn’t want to break your ego by beating you.”

Roxas’ mouth fell open. He leaned up and off Axel a little. “That’s _complete_ bullshit and we both know it. I was able to beat you fair and square at my fav rhythm games. And anyway, maybe I let you win some and made sure we ended in a tie so I had an excuse to take you out again some time in the future,” Roxas huffed. “You ever thought of that?”

Axel looked too amused for words. “No I guess I never thought of that,” eyes almost closing completely from sheer delight.

“Well you should,” came Roxas’ indignant reply. He flopped back down onto Axel, causing the man below to let out a loud ‘ _Oof’_. 

Roxas continued on with their silly game. “Anyway, I let us tie at the arcade because I knew I loved you as soon as you hummed that dumb _Rock n’ Roll Toilet_ song.”

“Well in that case I loved you the day you nudged my shoes that first time,” Axel countered.

“Pfft! I loved you the day you stood in front of me wearing those stilettos.”

Axel chuckled. “I don't know how women manage it. I gained a whole new level of respect that day.”

“I can't believe you went to all that trouble just for me,” Roxas shook his head in disbelief.

Axel ran his finger under Roxas’ chin, tilting his head up. “I went to the trouble because I loved you back then.”

“I loved you for putting in the effort. I guess we call it another tie?”

“Yeah, why not. We can take turns being on top. I’m kinda keen to feel that long cock of yours inside of me anyway,” Axel chuckled. 

Roxas went completely red and became flustered. Axel took that as his opportunity to rescue Roxas from further embarrassment by leaning up and kissing him.

It soothed Roxas. Their lips and tongues tasted and savored each other. Arms wrapped around, pulling them closer and deepening their kiss. Roxas had missed the feel, smell and taste of Axel.

They pulled apart to catch their breath. But Roxas still felt somewhat flustered at the idea Axel had proposed.

“Axel… ”

“Yeah?”

“D-do you really want me… inside of you?”

“If you want to give it a try then I’m definitely keen.”

“But… you like being on top.”

“Yeah, but you’re my exception, Roxas. Plus we tied our bet, so if you ever want it I’ll be your bottom if you let me be your top.”

Roxas’ pulse surged through his body. Warmth seeped and spread. “Ok,” he said timidly.

Axel sighed in contentment. “Perfect.”

Roxas’ fingers traced over Axel’s chest. Axel’s hand nestled in Roxas’ hair, gently scraping the way he really liked. A quiet settled over the room before Roxas began speaking again. “On a serious note though… of course I love you, Axel. And… I’ll tell you until you stop doubting it, and then I’ll keep going anyway, ok?” Roxas watched as the soft smile, which ran so deep and was a direct artery to Axel’s heart, lit up that sharp and gorgeous face.

“Thank you, Roxas.”

“No problem. And you know _why_ it’s no problem?”

They spoke in unison -

_“Because I love you.”_  
_“Because you love me.”_

“Yeah,” Roxas breathed out with a smile. “I tried to ignore it, you know. Pretend it wasn’t what it was since October. But I gave up around Christmas. I missed you so much.” Roxas squeezed Axel’s sides. He breathed in Axel’s delicious scent and pressed his face firmly against Axel’s chest. Roxas planted kisses on bare skin.

“Ah, absence makes the heart grow fonder?” Axel’s arms snaked around Roxas’ back, pulling him closer.

Roxas lifted his head off Axel to look at him. “My heart was always fond. My head was just too stupid to realize, and then too worried to do anything about it,” Roxas admitted.

“Same. When we had that two week break… I was miserable. I think I made everything worse by telling you the shit I told you. But I didn’t know what you wanted. _I_ didn’t even know what I wanted. I’m sorry I said those mean things. I’m sorry I kept pushing the ‘ _this is nothing meaningful_ ’ tagline.”

“I get why you did it. It’s ok, Axel. We were both scared of losing each other.” Roxas stretched up. Axel leaned in. They kissed. Warm lips pressed and caressed. 

“This is meaningful, Roxas. You’re important to me.”

Roxas’ insides felt like they were melting. A lump grew in his throat. Fingers traced along cheeks and Roxas’ hairline. The loving smile Axel was giving fell as he came in contact with Roxas’ scar. 

Both men frowned at each other.

“I’m s-”

Roxas shifted and pressed lips against Axel’s before he could finish that word.

“I don’t need your apologies. I already know you’re sorry, and apologizing won’t change what we did to each other.”

“Rox-”

“No, really,” Roxas cut off.

“But I feel like shit -”

“And so you should. And I’m glad that you feel like shit. And so is Ven. He’s a lot more pissed off at you about this than I am. Just don’t forget that you owe me big time.”

“Oh I’ll never be able to forget, Roxas. I’ll feel bad about what I did to you for the rest of my life.”

“I don’t want you to feel bad forever. I just… ,” his gaze fell a little and he frowned.

“I’ll do whatever you want me to do to make it up to you. That offer still stands on you hitting me. You don’t even need to give me any warning.”

“What? So I could smash you in the middle of the night? Or while we’re out somewhere?”

“Yeah. No warning. Wherever and whenever.”

Roxas huffed and grimaced. Axel was being ridiculously apologetic. “I’ll never take you up on that offer.”

“Ok, but it will always stand.”

Roxas resigned himself to the fact that Axel wasn’t going to change his mind on this absurd matter. “I’ll find other ways for you to make it up to me.”

“Ok, Roxas.”

The gentle smile he received made Roxas feel a little… unworthy. Roxas wasn’t completely innocent in all this, and Axel wasn’t the big bad wolf. He didn’t like being excused for having a bad temper. It was such bullshit. Roxas ran a tentative finger over Axel’s brow and down to his cheek. Guilt swirled. It really didn’t look that bad at all, but Roxas could tell make-up had been applied.

“Did it hurt?” Roxas asked, nearly choking on his words.

“At first yeah. But then it was more of a nuisance than any real pain. I looked pretty badass for a couple of days there,” Axel chuckled.

Roxas smiled in sorrow, “I feel bad.”

“Please don’t.” Axel rubbed Roxas’ cheek. “It’s really fine. The ladies seem to dig a bad boy anyway. I came up with so many great stories for how I got it. Saving damsels in distress, saving kittens, doing heroic things like stopping a robbery. I was a super star,” Axel boasted.

“Did it get you laid a lot?”

Axel frowned lightly. “Why would you ask me that?”

“I don’t even know. Maybe I like getting upset,” Roxas sighed.

“I’m always gonna be honest with you, Roxas. So if you ask me things I want you to be sure you want to hear the honest answer.”

Roxas nodded in understanding. “Did you?” he pressed on.

“I did. But only coz I was upset about you. I wanted to forget about you. Put you far behind me.”

“Did it work?”

“Nope. Not at all. Getting cuddles from Demyx was far more useful… but even that blew. I got no replacement for you, Roxas.”

Roxas’ brows knitted. His eyes stung. “I was really pissed off with you. But I also missed you so much, Axel.” Roxas hugged him tight, and rubbed away his tears against warm skin.

Strong warm arms continued squeezing Roxas close. “I missed you too. I’m so glad you’re ok. I’m so relieved that _we’re_ ok.” Hands traced Roxas’ scar again.

“Same.” Roxas pulled Axel’s hand off his head and kissed the back of it, before pressing the palm against his cheek.

“D - did it hurt?” Axel probed gently, fingers gently rubbing the apple of Roxas’ cheek.

“The truth?”

“The truth,” Axel confirmed.

“Yeah, it did. But I was high on drugs for a while, so that was pretty good,” Roxas lifted himself a little so he could smile at Axel.

“God, Roxas. I’m so s-”

Roxas pressed another kiss to lips.

Axel exhaled in defeat. “Let me apologize. I want to make this better.”

“I’ve got you back in my life. Everything is already better,” Roxas dismissed.

“Rox-”

“Axel… ,” a heavy sigh left his chest. “There is _one_ thing you could do to make it better… but I don’t feel like I have any right to ask you.”

“Why not?”

“Because of what I fucking did to you.” Roxas fingered the cheekbone around Axel’s eye once more. “I feel like a hypocrite saying it…”

“Please say it anyway.”

Roxas frowned deeply, but acquiesced. “Alright fine. You know… I… I really shouldn’t excuse what you did. So I don’t think I will. I also don’t think I’ll ever forget what we did to each other. And… because of that I need you to promise me… and I mean _really_ promise me, that you will never lay into me like that ever again. Because the day you do… I’m gone. Adios. Farewell. _Forever_. You don’t forgive cheaters, and I can’t forgive being treated like that.”

They looked at one another sternly.

“See… complete hypocrite.” Roxas felt stinging behind his eyes again. 

“No. It was a really shitty situation. Yeah, you gave me a black eye out of frustration, but I…” Axel labored through his next words, “I attacked you out of hate. There’s a difference. So ask me again, Roxas. Without feeling bad,” he urged.

Roxas swallowed down the tears that had started welling up inside. “Axel,” he started softly.

Axel hummed encouragingly.

“Never give me a reason to leave you. _Please_. I don’t want to. But I will if I have to.”

Axel nodded, and stroked the side of Roxas’ face. “I promise, Roxas. I feel like fucking garbage. I want us to be together for as long as possible. I’ll do whatever I can to keep us together. And again, if there’s ever anything you need or want me to do, just name it. You can lord this over me for as long as you like.” 

Roxas sniffed back the sob. He was upset, but also relieved. “Oh I don’t know, Axel. That sounds like a lot of power for you to be giving me. You sure you wanna entrust me with it?” A smile did manage to form by the time he finished talking.

“I trust you completely. I’ll never doubt you again.”

Roxas’ eyes fell and he pressed his lips together to keep them from doing something embarrassing like tremble. Axel had always been true to his word. Roxas felt the immense love and appreciation Axel held for him. It was rather overwhelming.

Axel continued after a few beats, “I promise to never hurt you again… unless you ask me for it,” came the cheekily attached addendum. 

It coaxed Roxas’ eyes back up. “A clause?”

“Yeah… who knows. You might like some of the more masochistic activities out there. A bit of spanking - whipping. A bit of rough sex,” he shrugged, “You know,” Axel’s lewd wink returned.

Roxas’ smile flowered. He pushed his face towards Axel for another kiss. One that was deeper than the previous ones. Roxas pressed and strained to get his tongue as deep into Axel as he could. His fingers dug a little harder into Axel’s body. But he stopped when Axel moaned in pleasure.

“Axel.”

“Roxas.”

“You know… that day after dinner… I was going to make us breakfast in bed. I was gonna ask you out on a date. I was going to ask if you wanted to -”

“Yes.”

Confusion settled on Roxas. He squinted at Axel. “I was going to ask you -”

“Yes.”

“Let me finish.”

“I’m giving you my answer.”

“But you don’t even -”

“The answer is ‘ _Yes’_ ,” Axel laughed and kissed Roxas’ forehead.

But Roxas huffed in irritation and scowled.

“Oh, go on then,” Axel relented.

“Thank you,” Roxas’ knitted brows relaxed somewhat. “I was going to -,” he eyed Axel warily, but continued on when he watched Axel motion that his lips were sealed, and that he had thrown away the key. “-Ask you if you wanted to be my boyfriend.”

Roxas waited. But nothing happened. Axel just blinked at him. He sighed. “Axel, do you want to be my boyfriend?”

Axel moved his mouth with his lips still pressed together, muffling.

Roxas groaned. “Where did you toss that key, you numpty.”

He scrambled off Axel and went in search for the invisible key. He upturned pillows, making sure to throw them all at Axel’s head. He managed to find the end of the blanket and threw that over Axel as well, rolling the man up.

“Maybe it fell under you.” Roxas kept rolling until Axel landed on the floor with a loud _thud_. A muffled groan sounded and then Axel shook with suppressed laughter.

Roxas sat at the awful curved edge of the bed, looking down at Axel in dejection. “I’m sorry, Axel. I can’t find the key. You’ll have to stay like that forever.”

Axel pouted.

“I know it’s sad. Maybe we’ll get really good at communicating like me and Ven do. We just look at each other and know what the other is thinking. You wanna give that a go?”

Axel nodded.

They stared at each other for a while, seriousness melting away, leaving smiles on both their faces.

Axel was ridiculous; rolled up like a blanket sausage, just staring up at him. 

Roxas loved this arrogant and presumptuous dork. It was amazing to know Axel felt the same about him. It was amazing that all this happened because of some stupid hot weather and some lame shoegazing hobby. Roxas would never have been able to foresee that he would have found someone to love, and to feel loved by in return. That warmth, which was only brought on by Axel, swelled inside himself and heated his extremities.

“I’m not getting anything from you, Axel. You sure you’re thinking? Or is your brain vacant?” Roxas bent down and tapped at Axel’s skull. 

Axel’s almost trademark lewd smirk appeared on lips and he winked at Roxas.

“Yeah, no. I have no idea what that means. So if we don’t find that key I’ll never know where you want me to touch you, or how you want me to fuck you. We’ll just have to be vanilla for the rest of our lives,” he lamented.

Roxas watched with amusement as Axel’s eyes went tragically wide. He fought with his constraints all of a sudden, and wrestled out of the straightjacket made out of blanket.

He freed an arm and pulled Roxas down into a hot kiss. Axel’s lips pried open and tongues rubbed against each other.

When they pulled apart Axel sighed in relief. “Looks like your tongue was the key, Roxy.”

Roxas smiled down at the dork. “You’re not allowed to call me ‘ _Roxy’_ , you know that, right?”

“Well you didn’t seem to mind when I had my fingers up in you or when I was balls deep in you. Remember that?” Axel purred.

Roxas bit at his lip. He was certain he would never forget. “Well that’s the only time,” he conceded.

“Ooo, I like that clause,” Axel laughed cheerfully and untangled himself, getting up off the floor. He threw the blankets and pillows back on his bed and then tackled Roxas down towards the mattress. 

Roxas was accosted by a shower of kisses on his neck and cheeks. After a few moments however Axel stopped. “You know, I was actually thinking how much I fucking love you, and how much I love to fuck you.”

Roxas giggled. Lips were sought out and kisses were indulged in for a while longer. Fingers ran down bodies, under clothes and through hair.

Axel pulled away, licking at his lips. “The answer is ‘ _yes’_ by the way. I’d love to be your boyfriend.”

Roxas’ face scrunched up in a bright smile. He was so happy.

“Can I ask you something as well, Roxas?”

Roxas nodded eagerly, heart thumping hard at what it could possibly be.

“I was umming and ahhing about asking you for such a long time,” Axel’s eyes drifted off to somewhere far away and long gone. “I thought maybe Christmas would be a good opportunity, coz it was our six months together. You knew that, right?”

Roxas nodded with a smile. “Yeah, of course. I’m always counting.”

“Yeah, I thought you’d pay attention. Demyx kept telling me that I was crazy and that you’d never catch on. But what does he know? I definitely know you, Roxas. I know we pay attention to the same crap,” Axel chuckled and left a warm peck on Roxas’ cheek. “So I wanted to do something special. Make it kind of obvious that I wanted you… without making it _too_ obvious. But then my folks demanded I go see ‘em and spend ‘ _quality_ ’ time with ‘em,” Axel groaned. “So it didn’t leave me much time to properly plan out my strategy. I had bought you the mittens but I didn’t have a chance to rehearse how I was gonna deliver them _and_ ask you out at the same time. But I thought I’d just wing it and figure something out that didn’t sound too serious or committed.” 

Fingers kept dancing across Roxas’ exposed skin, while Roxas’ heart thumped firmly against his chest, causing his pulse to race as he listened.

Axel frowned a little, “But then that damn Igloo happened. That damn lighting. I thought it was too much. That it would scare you right off. -You know. I was trying to go for something cool and fun. Not something completely romantic. Damn Christmas, spoiling everything.”

Roxas’ insides squeezed together. “I… was kind of hoping that I wasn’t imagining it. You dropping the word _‘anniversary’_ and _‘boyfriend’_ so casually… I really wanted that stuff.” 

“Ah shit, yeah?” Axel sounded pained.

Roxas nodded.

A groan seeped out of Axel. “So I should have just kept going and not been dropping hints?”

Roxas shrugged. “I would have said ‘ _yes_ ’. But we were both being stupid so don’t sweat it, ok?” Roxas raked his fingers through Axel’s hair and reached up to cup his cheek, trying to be reassuring.

Axel breathed out, sounding a little frustrated. “Yeah… we can’t change the past. You know I was definitely gonna ask you that day… one way or another.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“Well… coz you pulled _that_ face -,” Axel scrunched up his own face horrendously to illustrate what he had seen, “-when we were sitting in there.”

Roxas gasped with offense. “C’mon, I didn’t make a face like that.”

“You totally did. And I was like ‘ _uh-oh, abort mission!_ ’ So I had to change my plan and never got around to asking you… I thought maybe if I kept dropping the word and idea of us being together you might grow more comfortable with the thought of it.”

“Oh, like you tried acclimatizing me to these awful beds?”

Axel nodded, grinning slightly. “Exactly like that.”

“So you were gonna try and manipulate me?” Roxas teased.

“Not manipulate. More like… make you realize that you wanted so much more from me,” Axel winked.

“Nah, you totally wanted to manipulate me.”

“Well maybe a little,” Axel gave a cheesy lopsided grin.

Roxas rolled his eyes, all the while smiling. “Doesn’t matter. It would never have worked on me, because by that point I already wanted so much more from you for so fucking long anyway.”

Axel breathed in contently, but a thought seemed to intrude on his tranquility. “So then why _did_ you pull that face? You said you came to terms with your feelings for me around Christmas time…”

“I… I was nervous ok? It was _super_ romantic. And I wanted you to show me that maybe you wanted something serious… for a _really_ long time. And then we were in that place and… well I was hoping so badly it made me feel sick.” Roxas shrugged and frowned at the memory of that awful awkwardness.

Axel groaned and rubbed at his face in frustration. “I feel like such a screw up. I talk too much. I don’t talk enough. I can’t get it right.”

“No Axel. Don’t say that. It’s all right. We’re here now. It’s not all your responsibility. We’re in this fifty-fifty, yeah? We both fucked up. But we’re also both gonna fix it now. So don’t worry about it, ok?”

“But I do. I could have saved us two months of pining. I wanted to tell you how much I loved you on New Years Eve. I was so deeply into you. I just -.” Axel groaned, pulled a face and rubbed at his head.

“Why couldn't you tell me?”

“I… well I was. I almost did but… I was afraid to say it first. If I said it first and you ran away… Or worse… If I said it first and you only said it back to me because you felt obligated… ,” Axel grimaced. “And you know what? I'm still kinda worried about that actually.” Axel’s eyes searched Roxas’.

Roxas’ heart ached at hearing that. “I didn’t think you were this insecure.”

Axel shook with slight amusement. “I guess there’s still a lot for us to learn about each other, huh?”

Roxas nodded. “We’ve got all the time in the world though.”

Axel gave an affirming hum.

Roxas sat up a little, leaning on his elbows. “I said I’d tell you as much as you need to hear it. So I’ll say it again. I really, _really_ love you. You make me laugh. You make me feel cared for. You support me. I love being with you, Axel. I was scared but I should have pushed through it. I'm never gonna leave you guessing again, ok? You're always gonna know how I feel about you.”

Axel looked at Roxas. The internalized scrutiny and self-directed anger faded as an appreciative smile spread across his face. “Thanks, Roxas.”

“Any time, Axel. I’m here for you. Always,” Roxas said with a shy smile. 

Axel’s face turned softer with love, making Roxas feel embarrassed at being so mushy. He cleared his throat, “So what you wanna ask me?” Roxas prompted, already knowing the question.

“Oh yeah. Look I just want to ask you what I should have asked you two months ago. Do you want to be my boyfriend, too? I like hearing things coming out of your mouth.”

“Not coming ‘ _into_ ’ my mouth?” Roxas giggled.

“Well that too,” Axel sniggered. He lowered himself and wrapped his limbs around Roxas and snuggling with him.

Roxas left kisses on Axel’s jaw. “Before I give you my obvious answer can I ask you something first?”

“Anything,” Axel purred and squeezed Roxas lightly.

“Why do you keep asking me all the time? Why do you want to hear me give my consent for everything? I mean... I appreciate it and all but… I kinda wonder too. Especially the whole ‘ _boyfriend_ ’ thing… I already asked you to be mine. So isn’t you asking _me_ redundant? I wouldn't ask you to be my boyfriend if I didn't want you like that.” Roxas pulled himself up a little to be eye level with Axel as they lay together, entwined.

Axel sighed and his eyes studied something far away and unseeable. “Well, you know… I never asked in the past. I always assumed, and made plans, thinking I knew what she wanted or needed And she never said ‘no’ to me. But that’s probably because I had organized everything and made her feel like she had no choice or option. And it wasn’t just the wedding. It was everything. Me moving here, us going on holidays together, buying stuff. Even us going steady in freshman year. I never asked. We kinda just happened.” Axel grimaced. “I’m not proud of it. Not happy that I was a presumptuous dick. So… I think maybe if I had asked more _before_ jumping the gun on everything, things might have been very different for me.” Axel’s eyes found their way back to Roxas, and he gave him a sad smile. “So that’s why I want to hear things from you. You’re important to me. I don’t want things to go wrong with us.”

“Oh Axel.” Roxas cupped his face and left kisses on cheeks, and nose and chin until the sadness left. “Can I be selfish and say I'm glad things didn't work out between you and the T-Rex?”

Axel laughed. “Yeah, of course. And you know, I'm glad too. I'm much happier with you. I've been with so many people but you are… Well - you’re my Cinnabun. My firework. My Roxas.” Axel squeezed and nuzzled.

Roxas cuddled Axel back with equal affection. “You forget the most important thing.”

“Yeah? What’s that?”

Roxas looked into smiling green eyes. He reveled in the stroking of fingers against his face and scalp. “I'm also your _boyfriend_. I want you in my life. And… I want to tell you something I told you before. But not in hiding. Not while pretending to be my brother.”

“I’m all ears,” Axel mumbled, placing soft kisses on warming cheeks.

Roxas smiled. He loved being showered in Axel’s affections. “You make my life here better, Axel. You make being here bearable and give me strength. You make me happy and… I need and want us to talk about stuff. And not just about all the good things, but also the bad stuff. I want to try and work on being with you through everything that life throws at us. I want to learn everything about you, and for you to know everything about me.”

“Well doesn't _this_ sound like a marriage proposal if I’ve ever heard one,” Axel chuckled. “And believe me… I’ve definitely heard one coming out of my own mouth,” he said, all the while smiling.

“I know it’s a bit difficult for your long legs, Axel, but how about we do baby steps first -”

“Oh you wanna have kids as well? We can look into adoption,” Axel beamed.

Roxas gave a good natured glare. “Noooo. Let’s try being boyfriends _first_. Then we can move in together, and if we haven’t killed each other within the year we can start thinking more long term.”

“Well sure, if you wanna go the long and boring way about it,” Axel huffed out in amusement.

“I do. But we’ll go the long and boring way with our own brand of weirdness attached to it, ok?”

Axel’s face lit up and Roxas was accosted by another shower of affectionate pecks. Axel kissed the sensitive areas of Roxas’ neck and jaw. Roxas giggled and dug his hands into Axel’s armpits until Axel wasn’t able to keep kissing him on accounts of all the laughing he was doing.

They gave each other a tiny bit of space, pulling apart while still being almost nose to nose. Gentle giggles rolled out of both of them.

Roxas kissed the tip of Axel’s nose. “So… just in case you need some clarity… I want to be your boyfriend, Axel. I really love you. I really want to be with you, and only you.”

Axel was all soft and deeply rooted smiles. “I love you too, Roxas. So, _so_ much. I don’t think you’ll ever be able to understand just how much you mean to me. How much you’ve helped me, and how damn happy you make me. I’m glad we met. I’m glad you’re weird.”

Soft lips pressed against Roxas in a very chaste fashion.

Roxas couldn’t wipe the smile off his face. “You really _are_ a mushy bear, aren’t you.”

“Has Demyx been telling you all my secrets?” Axel asked with a shocked gasp.

“Yeah, he has been. But don’t worry. I didn’t tell him about your deep and dark butt-faced secret, _Martha_.” Roxas managed to keep a serious expression on his face as he said it.

A loud laugh rolled out of Axel. “Oh I knew in my heart of hearts that I could trust you completely, Roxanalotos.”

Roxas was pulled into another tight embrace. He giggled with glee, “You finally remembered!” Roxas squeezed Axel back with a vice-like grip, causing the man to wheeze a little.

“Yeah, of course. I learn my lesson eventually. As you said, I just need constant reminding and reinforcing.”

“You’re such a good boy, Axel.” Roxas patted him.

Axel barked and panted, before he began licking Roxas’ face with a lot of enthusiasm.

Roxas shrieked and giggled, trying to bat Axel’s face away gently. “Oh you are so gross! I’m totally going to need a shower now.”

“How would you feel about a bath?” Axel rumbled seductively.

“Oh… you’ve got one?”

Axel smirked. “Yes, yes I do.”

“Awesome! We should do that first then.”

“First? Will there be something after?” Axel’s finger lazily stroked along Roxas’ neck.

“Well… yeah,” Roxas stated matter-of-factly.

“Ooo, what have you got in mind?” Axel pushed very close, and nuzzled Roxas’ cheek.

“Well… ah… ”

“C’mon, no need to be shy. No judgement. Ever,” Axel encouraged. “Plus we are boyfriends now. Probably soon to be life partners. If we can’t be honest and open with each other we’re gonna have a pretty unimpressive sex life.”

Roxas laughed. “Those are some pretty bold statements you’re making.”

“They have to be to match up to our future bold love making.”

Roxas snorted and Axel sniggered. 

“But go on, tell me what we’re gonna do afterwards. You know I love most of your ideas.”

“Only _most_?” Roxas bemoaned in faux offense.

“Yeah, so go on. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna like whatever you say next,” Axel winked.

Roxas smiled shyly. “Well… after the bath I - want you to put your jeans on -”

“The skinny ones?”

“Yeah,” Roxas breathed wantingly.

“I thought I could spot something in the way you eye me when I wear them. Do they turn you on?” Axel’s voice was thick. His body radiated heat.

Roxas’ pulse raced. His saliva felt viscous. “Yeah.”

Axel purred. “You want me deep inside you while wearing them?”

Roxas nodded. “Yeah,” his chest heaved with desire. Delicious tingling electrified his core.

Axel wet his lips. He ran a finger down Roxas’ body, stopping at his belt buckle and slowly undid it. “That can totally be arranged.”

Roxas moaned a little before he found his voice again. “Axel…”

“Yeah?”

“Do you still have those stilettos?”

“Yes, I do.” A hunger seemed to grow in Axel as he rubbed his lips together. Fingers slowly dipped past pants and stroked at Roxas’ hairline.

Roxas pushed his hips closer towards Axel. He never really smirked much… but he did then. “Awesome. I kinda didn’t get to see what you looked like in them.”

“I’m gonna fix that for you. And I’m also getting a pretty good picture of what you want… and I _really_ like it. Let me go run the bath.”

Heat prickled his skin. Roxas was getting really turned on though. “Ok, go do that. But don’t leave me here for long. I might just tidy up your room out of vengeance.”

Axel gaped. “I’ll be as quick as a slow moving hare.” He gradually peeled off Roxas, leaving kisses here, there and everywhere, before finally getting up and moving out into the hallway to get the first of their many nights together started.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **(1)** \- Song Credit - _[Satellite](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UOcjvNzMb3s)_ \- by **Nickleback**
> 
> And the end song for this fic is another Nickleback song - [Trying Not To Love You](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GHwHPCUQcUQ). I really love this song for Axel and Roxas' relationship and think it's lovely to end their turmoil on ❤
> 
>  **Fun Fact** \- This is how the fic ended. Until I decided to tack on MORE chapters with some 'what happens after' stuff :)
> 
> As always and forever, thanks for reading, and leaving comments, and kudos. This fic would never have turned into what it did without you guys. *hugs*


	22. Twilight Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas and Axel get used to life as a couple and the challenges it brings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is fairly explicit in spots. I hope you all enjoy :)

Roxas awoke the next morning in unfamiliar surroundings, but instead of panic a smile graced his face. He stretched out in satisfaction, but when his hand hit nothing but luke-warm sheets the sleep fell away and he looked around himself hastily.

He sat up and scanned the disheveled room. It was in even more disarray than it had been when Roxas had first set eyes on the space the previous night. But other than clutter it was devoid of any other human presence. 

“Axel!” his voice croaked with sleep, but it was still audible enough for anyone to hear who might be lurking beyond the open door leading out to the hallway. 

In the few heartbeats which passed, Roxas had ample time to worry about the most ridiculous things. What if there had been a home invasion? Alien abductions! A mishap in the bathroom and Axel lay in there, dead!

But Axel was alive and well, walking into view with a finger pressed against his lips and a phone to his ear. He was still in the same state that Roxas had put him in last night, namely completely naked. 

Axel leaned against the doorframe, no care in the world. “Yeah, that’s my nan, shouting at me again. I just need today off to look after her. She’s got pneumonia and no one to care for her. I’ll be back in to work tomorrow.” … “Yeah. I just need to get her settled in a hospital.” … “Mmhmm, the Doc’s caught it quick. She’ll be all right with enough meds.” … “You too, Theo. Thanks,” and he hung up.

“What did you yell for?” Axel flung his phone into the pile of rumpled clothes, which Roxas made him wear the night before, and sauntered back towards the bed.

“You can’t keep doing this to me. Making me wake up without you. You’re gonna give me a complex,” he whined.

Axel crawled onto his bed and pushed Roxas down against the mattress with a firm kiss. 

“You really shouldn’t worry about that happening ever again. I’ll be here for as long as you want me to be.”

“F-forever?” Roxas still found it strange and uncomfortable to be able to speak to Axel this way. But he wanted to get used to it.

“Forever,” and it was embellished with a soft smile and a dozen gentle kisses to Roxas’ neck and face.

Roxas’ hands sought out Axel’s body. He ran fingers along soft flesh, rubbing and kneading. Axel made his way under the blankets so he could run his hands all over Roxas. They rolled and pushed against each other. Hips rocked and flesh grew harder. Feathery kisses turned to sharp nips and bruising sucks.

“Whadda ya want, Roxas?”

“I want to fuck you. And then you fuck me. And then we… ”

Axel laughed with great enthusiasm. “Woah, hold up there my little horny bunny.”

“What? I’m pretty sure you promised that this is how things were gonna go down.”

“Oh and they will, but you’re forgetting one important fact.”

“Such as?”

“We need to eat something in between the screwing, or we’re gonna collapse.” 

Warm hand ran up Roxas’ side, eliciting a pleasant shiver. “Oh fine then. Amendment to previous plan. I fuck you. Then we have breakfast. Then you fuck me, and we have lunch. That sound better?”

“Yeah. Much more achievable. And then after lunch we can have a nap and get each other off again before you have to go.” Axel’s face fell a little but the smile was forced back on.

“Do you want to come over for dinner? And… maybe stay the night?”

“With you and Ventus?”

Roxas rolled his eyes and Axel sniggered.

“We don’t sleep in the same bed, you know. He’s got the couch.”

“Maybe you _should_ invite him into the bed. I’m still dreaming of that sandwich.”

“Keep dreaming.” Roxas’ mood shifted. But it wasn’t allowed to move too far into the negative because Axel took notice.

“Sorry Roxas,” he kissed tenderly and ran fingers into Roxas’ hair. He touched Roxas everywhere that Roxas enjoyed most. The inside of his elbow was nipped and licked. His sack was massaged in that way which always sent a shiver up his spine. 

A deep kiss was left and it was all enough to placate Roxas. “Apology accepted. So do you want to come over tonight and spend the night with me?”

“Yes. I’m gonna risk losing your respect and tell you that I can’t imagine being without you right now.”

It melted Roxas’ heart. “S’okay. Respect levels are holding steady.”

Axel sighed playfully, and wiped at his forehead. “What a relief.”

“I can’t imagine being away from you either, Axel. I wanna be with you every night.”

“Every night. Forever,” Axel echoed.

“Forever,” Roxas smiled.

Chaste kisses turned into hungry ones, and the rest of their day and night went to plan.

And after that Axel ensured that he was always there when Roxas woke up.

Their nights were always spent together. They took turns staying at each others places, but the even balance had a significant skew towards favoring Axel’s place. It was nicer, larger, less creepy, and closer to both their workplaces. 

This last point was by far the largest contributing factor as to why they spent most night at Axel’s duplex. It meant sleep-ins for Roxas. Though he mostly woke up at the same time he always had. Roxas reveled in using this time to quietly enjoy reflecting on how good life was. And when he grew tired of that he also enjoyed finding different ways to wake Axel up. A kiss here, a kiss there. A light tickle or a firmer tug. And from time to time also a handjob or blowjob if Roxas found Axel to be hard. But Roxas had to keep those to a minimum as they would often end up having to rush out and run for the train because Axel always wanted to reciprocate. 

They always huddled together on the train, being pushed together by the throng of the crowd and their own natural preference to be as close to each other as was decently allowable in a public space.

Hotel rooms were forgotten, but bathtimes were still a staple for them on most nights. Television viewing was supplemented with many rowdy video game tournaments, and they went out more often as well. To arcades, restaurants or sometimes even to watch Demyx play in the bar he worked at. 

Roxas met Axel’s friends and was quickly welcomed into the fold, and so the weeks flew right by in a very comfortable manner.

One afternoon they arrived at Axel’s place. Shoes were taken off, bags and outerwear dumped on the coatrack. Before they had any chance to move towards the kitchen to get dinner started, Roxas - rather nervously for some reason - pulled out his brothers folded wedding invite from his satchel bag.

“Axel.” He held the bit of thick paper out before himself.

“Yeah?” Axel turned with a smile. Eyes fell on the offered object and he took it, unfolding and scanning it. The smile fell. He looked uncomfortable and ill at ease, flicking eyes up at Roxas.

The invite had caused so much trouble. Roxas hated seeing it when it had arrived in the mail a few days ago. Axel clearly felt the same way, and Roxas briefly grew irritated at himself for having given it to Axel at all. But he wanted him to see it. See the names on there.

“Will you be my plus one?” His voice felt jarring and loud, despite him having said it rather timidly.

Axel folded the paper closed and handed it back to Roxas, a weak smile barely able to lift the mood they had sunk into. “You really want me to tag along?”

Roxas took the offensive material and thrust it deep into his bag, hopefully to be forgotten. “Yeah, of course.” He pulled up some energy and enthusiasm and nodded eagerly, wanting to dispel the bad memories.

“You sure?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Axel shrugged. “Because it hasn’t been that long since… Mm. I still feel like shit about the whole thing. Kinda feel like maybe I don’t deserve to be with you,” he muttered.

Roxas frowned deeply. “I don’t want to hear you talk like that.” He closed the distance between them and pulled Axel into a tight hug. Warm arms gently snaked around and held him in response.

They stood, wrapped up in each other for a few moments. The quiet of the house filled their ears and Roxas listened to the fast thump of Axel’s heart.

“Sorry, Roxas,” came the quiet rumble.

“I want you with me. You don’t have to if you don’t want to. I’m gonna be busy with family crap and I’ll have to sit with Ven, so I know it’s gonna be a pretty shit deal for you if you come along. But I’d still like you there,” Roxas smiled up and received a kiss on his forehead. 

“I -,” the light in Axel’s face dimmed out again.

“What’s eating you up?”

“Huh? Nothing,” eyes darted.

Roxas pulled back a little and gave Axel a look that spoke volumes about how much he _didn’t_ believe him.

Green eyes continued to nervously flick on and off Roxas.

“What is it?” he pleaded, reaching up to cup Axel’s cheek.

“I… ,” he breathed in sharply through gritted teeth. “I think I’d really like to - and need to - see your brother get married. Because… well a small part of me… ,” Axel clamped up again. 

It stung Roxas’ heart a little. “I get it.” He offered up a sympathetic smile, stretched up and planted a soft kiss on Axel’s lips.

“Do you really?”

“Yeah. It’s fine.”

“I hate doubting you, Roxas - hate doubting us. I don’t feel good that I’m thinking this shit. I wish I wasn’t thinking or worrying about this at all. I’m being a shit boyfriend. I’m sorry,” he sighed and deflated somewhat with the weight of it all.

“I know how you got burned in the past. I really do understand. And… you can have your doubts. But I’m not worried, because they will go away soon enough. And I’m not upset with you for thinking about stuff like that, either. I worry about stuff too. Like… I can’t believe you got so hung up on me and I feel like I might let you down one day and then you’ll leave. But… as long as we talk about this stuff we’ll be okay, right?” To be honest Roxas sometimes needed as much reassurance from Axel and Axel needed from him.

Relief bathed Axel’s face and a smile lit him up a little. “Yeah. We’ll always talk.”

“There’s my sexy man,” Roxas cooed and stroked Axel’s cheek once more.

Axel chuckle gently. “I don’t know how you could ever do anything that would make me leave you.”

“Is that a challenge?”

“No, you cheeky cinnabun.” Axel’s fingers dove into armpits and Roxas tried to defend himself but failed miserably due to laughing too much.

Eventually Axel's assault abated and Roxas could talk again. “So you’ll come with me, right? I might have already told Ven that you were, and he’s gonna put you on a table with my friends.”

“Oh really?”

“Yeah.”

“So I’ll be able to grill ‘em on what you were like as a kid and get all the juicy gossip and learn all your embarrassing secrets?” Axel beamed.

Roxas snorted. “If that’s what you’re after then I got nothing to worry about. I was a saint of a child. It was Ven who got us into deep shit.”

“No way.”

“Yes way,” Roxas nodded vigorously.

“You gonna tell us all some embarrassing stories about the two of you at the toast then?”

“Maybe,” Roxas teased, not wanting to give anything away.

“Oooh. Intriguing,” Axel trilled and Roxas was all grins.

Smile faltered a moment later, however. “The only thing I worry about is you going blabbing to all my friends and cousins about how we met and our sex life. You won’t tell anyone right? No matter how much they torture you?”

“Is torture something I really need to be worried about?”

Roxas nodded gravely. It cracked Axel up into a barking laugh. “I won’t spill our sordid secrets even under pain of death. They’re safe with me, okay?”

“Awesome!” Roxas latched onto Axel’s torso and gave him a tremendous squeeze.

More laugher rattled out of Axel, though it was strained from the pressure Roxas was exerting on him.“Sweet,” he breathed and Roxas eased up. 

“So… ”

“Soooo… I’m actually kinda feeling excited now. Would be kinda cool seeing where you grew up and meeting these terrible friends of yours, and of course your family too. Do I need to hear any warnings about them?”

Roxas’ smile wilted a little and his throat tightened.

Axel noticed, “Everything all right?”

“I - completely forgot about my family. I don’t know what they’d say or think about you and me dating.”

“Ahhh. That’s… always a bit of an awkward conversation to have.” Axel let go of Roxas just enough to scratch at his head.

“How did you tell yours? You _have_ told them, right?” 

“Mmm… sort of. C’mon, let’s talk about this while we make dinner though. I’m starting to feel hungry.”

Roxas nodded and was lead by the hand to the back of the hallway, where a narrow door lead into the back of the living room and then through another door to the kitchen and dining area.

“I keep pretty quiet about my personal affairs, but they do ask if I’m dating anyone when I get stuck talking to them.” Axel walked to the fridge and peeked inside. “Whadda we making today?”

Roxas consulted the whiteboard which was pinned to the wall next to the entrance they had just walked through. “Looks like salmon with whatever vegetables you feel like having.”

“Potatoes, carrots and peas?”

“Sure. I’ll make the sauce for the fish and get some water boiling,” Roxas started busying himself with his duties and Axel rummaged through the fridge and freezer for the required ingredients.

“You still haven’t told me if they know,” Roxas prompted, after finding an appropriate pot and filling it up.

“The thing about my family is that they’re very strict and proper. They don’t even know I’ve got tatts. So after the wedding ended they were really pissed at me -”

“What? But that wasn’t your fault,” Roxas put the pot of water on the gas stove and swiveled around to give Axel his look of disbelief.

Axel glanced up from where he was peeling the potatoes. “Well didn’t _you_ tell me that relationships are fifty-fifty?” he smiled at Roxas. “So I gotta take the blame. Though, I guess mine was more like thirty-thirty-thirty and ten percent left over for our parents to fill with shit. Everyone had a part to play, so I’m not gonna pretend that I was a saint.”

“But still,” Roxas grumbled, getting ready to make the sauce.

A sigh and small smile was offered up. “Thanks for being in my corner.”

“Always,” Roxas enthused fervently.

More smiles were exchanged. Potatoes were tossed into water, peas and carrots placed on top to steam, and a frying pan was pulled out to cook the fish.

“So anyway, I’ve been trying to keep a low profile regarding my personal relationships these past six years. Not like I had any relationships going anyway, and I’d have given them one more thing to be pissed about if I told them what I was doing.”

Roxas mixed ingredients together and cast a sidelong look at Axel. “So they don’t know about me,” he stated quietly, feeling a slight tightness in his chest.

“Oh no. Mon called me up a week after we sorted out our shit and before she could get properly started on moaning about how I was getting old and needed to settle down, I told her that I finally was.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Axel beamed with pride.

“Were you scared?” Roxas dropped what he was doing and faced Axel, who was ready to start cooking the fish.

“Yeah I was. But I was also getting angry at her always using the same judgy, lamenting voice on me, so I kinda let the cat out of the bag without thinking too much about it. I find it works for me. Just act. Think later. And besides, the worst they can do is be disappointed in me and write me out of their will,” Axel shrugged. “I’ve got enough assets and a stable job to look after myself so I don’t need ‘em. And it’s not like I’m close to my family. That’s why I left Hollow Bastion after all - to get away from them.”

“I can’t imagine my parents disowning me. Sounds awful.”

“I don’t really care too much. Sounds like you get on well with your family though.”

“Yeah. Well enough. They grumble but still respect my choices.”

Axel smiled. “That’s really nice. I’m glad to hear it. Maybe if you choose to tell them it’ll work out just fine?”

“Mmm,” he shrugged, somehow feeling doubtful. “Did your folks take it well?”

“Hmm… .” The fish sizzled on contact with the hot pan. “Dunno. Don’t even know if it’s sunk in yet. They probably think it’s a phase. That I’m still getting over the wedding.”

“What did you say? How did you bring it up?”

Axel huffed in amusement. “I just dove in and said, _‘Mom, I’m seeing someone. And we’ve been together for almost a year and I couldn’t be happier.’_ And you know what, Roxas? I _couldn’t_ be happier,” he smiled.

Roxas returned the delicate look, and also felt his skin prickle with heat. “Doesn’t sound like you told her I was a guy though,” he rebuked lightly.

“Oh that came a few moments after that. She was gushing about how pleased she was and asking when I would bring ‘her’ around and what ‘her’ name was. That’s when I corrected her. I was like, ‘ _His name is Roxas. And we haven’t talked about meeting each other’s parents yet._ ’ She went a bit quiet after that,” Axel laughed with amusement. “So I’m kinda glad you brought up the whole ‘meeting parents’ thing.”

“Over the phone seems easier than in person, huh,” Roxas muttered thoughtfully.

“It might be. Guess it depends on how you feel about it and how you’d think they’d take it. I know in my situation over the phone’s just easier for all of us involved.” Axel flipped the fish fillets and checked to see if the vegetables were steaming and boiling well.

“Maybe I’ll talk to Ven. I think my folks might be okay… with time. Not so sure about my extended family though.” Roxas’ attention was drawn away from the tiled kitchen floor as Axel’s presence loomed close.

“Do what you think is best. If you don’t want to introduce me as your boyfriend it’s fine. I’ll behave and keep my hands and mouth off you.” Axel’s hands and mouth were all over Roxas in an instant though. Warm fingers lifted shirt and touched flesh. Lips grazed over neck and nipped at his earlobe. Roxas giggled and wrapped his arms around Axel’s waist, tucking them into back pockets and squeezing Axel’s backside. 

“So much for keeping off me.”

“Mmm, I never said I’d start now. And I really don’t wanna get any practice in before the wedding.” 

“So you'll come with me?”

“I'll always come with you,” Axel rumbled quietly with a snide smirk.

Roxas rolled his eyes and sighed in exasperation. But he also nuzzled Axel’s cheek until he was finally met with lips against his own. They slowly sucked on each other. Axel pushed Roxas’ back firmly into the kitchen counter behind, grinding against him while Roxas moaned in pleasure.

The smell of burning pulled them apart though.

“Shit,” Axel cursed, while Roxas laughed.

* * *

 

Roxas left for Twilight Town a week before the wedding was to take place. There was Ventus’ bucks night to attend, which Roxas had helped plan. Axel had given his input despite Roxas repeatedly having told him ‘no’. And for good reason too. Axel had been no help, serving more as a hindrance to productivity with all the ridiculous and lewd suggestions he readily gave out. Some of them being directed at Roxas, causing complete distraction and much fondling and making out.

The other reason Roxas had to leave early was to make sure the suit he had to wear fit well. Him and Ventus were identical twins, but Roxas conceded that he might have been eating a little bit _too_ well with Axel of late so his measurements and the fit had to be checked.

Leaving Axel behind had been cause of much unhappiness, but reassurance of their reunion gave Roxas something to look forward to. Being apart hadn’t meant the end of the world. They talked every day. Sometimes for a couple of minutes, and other times well into the night. But Roxas’ heart felt painfully empty at night. It was punctuated by the cavernous isolation of his little hotel room and the cold bed he slept in. 

It had only taken two nights apart for the plaintive remarks of ‘ _I miss you so much_ ,’ and ‘ _I’m so horny right now,_ ’ to have devolved their conversations into phone sex. But it wasn’t satisfying for Roxas, who just wanted Axel physically _there_ already.

A few days before Axel was scheduled to fly in Roxas arrived at his hotel feeling full and content. He had been out with his brother and some friends for dinner. It had been a great time, and had reminded him much of how things used to be before he moved away. But he was still looking forward to calling Axel, and if he wasn’t busy and had time for a longer chat, Roxas eagerly awaited to be lulled to sleep by the sound of his voice. Either that or excitement. Roxas never knew which one to expect - he enjoyed that. 

When he got to his room and inserted the keycard into its designated slot on the wall to power everything up, his eyes fell on a box, which sat atop the desk adjacent to the queen bed. Roxas discarded his outerwear and shoes and approached the object warily. 

A concierge slip sat atop of the box. 

* * *

 

_‘Two parcels arrived for you today. A Mr. Sullivan called to say they were from him and to leave them in your room.’_

  


* * *

 

Excitement and curiosity roused inside of Roxas. He found the second, and much smaller parcel hiding in the shadow of the bigger one.

“ _What are you up to Axel,_ ” he muttered to himself, grin growing on his face. He tore into the smaller of the two delivered items and stared at the packets of batteries in confusion for a moment. Suspicion stirred. He dug into the other parcel to find a box. His eyes went wide and he rotated and examined the gift from all sides, before putting it down on the desk. He swallowed nervously. Excitement buzzed in his body.

Roxas breathed deeply and opened the box, finding a customized message on top of the shock absorbing packaging material. 

* * *

 

_‘Something to get you through the long and lonely nights until we’re together again, my precious cinnabun._

_❤ Your Carrot Cake.’_

  


* * *

 

It brought a big smile to Roxas’ face. It was going to be an exciting night after all. Whether Axel had time for him or not. 

He read the instructions. He studied the diagrams, he inserted the batteries and then felt intimidated as he flicked through the different vibration settings on the butt plug that Axel had bought him.

Roxas really wanted to get off with this. He had tried fingering himself, like Axel had suggested, but it hadn’t been good enough. He sucked at getting the right angle and just didn’t like the idea of doing that to himself, despite having no issue doing it to Axel. The other problem was that he longed for Axel’s girth and had openly whined to Axel about it. The butt plug seemed to be a satisfying width, so Roxas filled up the hotel bathtub, did his business, and found the silicone based lubricant which Axel had probably paid extra for to be included with the toy.

Roxas applied the lubricant to his fingers and gently stretched himself out. The angle was awkward as ever, as he stood with one leg on the lip of the bathtub. Axel never had to stretch him out much anymore, but Roxas felt too tight right now. Probably because of his nerves. So he breathed deep and willed himself to relax.

When he was satisfied that he wasn’t going to hurt himself he dialed Axel’s number and put the phone on speaker.

He didn’t have to wait long for Axel to pick up.

_“Hey Roxas. Anything exciting happen today?”_

Roxas detected the underlying eagerness in Axel’s voice. It made him smile. “Hey Axel. I saw my grandparents and cleaned their gutters. Does that count as exciting?”

_“Only if you found sentient life breeding in that muck.”_

“I found something that resembles you a little. But I didn’t find it in the gutter.” Roxas picked up the toy and began slathering it with the lubricant.

Axel hummed through the phone line. _“Tell me more. Where did you find it and what is it?”_

“You got time right now?”

_“Yeah. I cleared my schedule.”_

“Why’d you do that?” Roxas asked with a smile in his voice. He was getting eager to put the toy inside himself. Slickening it up made him think of Axel. It felt about the right size and was soft to the touch, almost like flesh. It seemed like a really thoughtful gift.

_“Because I had a feeling that you’d like me to stay on the phone for a bit longer than five minutes tonight.”_

Roxas stepped into the tub. “Yeah, you’ve got amazing intuition, Axel. Or maybe you’re just super lucky.”

 _“In this instance I made my own luck,”_ Axel purred. _“You in the bathroom? Sounds echoey and splashy.”_

“I am.” Roxas bent over a little and positioned the plug against himself.

_“Why’re you there?”_

“Guess.”

_“You naked?”_

“Yeah.”

_“You… enjoying yourself?”_

“Mmm… I’m about to.”

“ _Let me hear it._ ”

Roxas pushed the plug inside himself slowly, gasping at the long overdue sensation of being stretched out so much. A deep moan came out of him as he continued to insert it, widening and stretching himself on its thickness. 

A pleasurable sound came from the phone. _“What I wouldn’t give to see you right now.”_

Roxas breathed deeply. “It’s all the way in.”

_“Clench your adorable butt around it like it’s my cock.”_

Roxas did and moaned, which made Axel hum with satisfaction. Roxas sunk into the hot liquid below and sighed contently. “You touching yourself, Ax?”

_“Yeah. I was getting my pants off as soon as I saw you call.”_

Roxas chuckled. “Thanks for the surprise. How good of you to get a waterproof one.”

_“I figured you’d want to be warm and toasty if I’m not there to put my arms around you.”_

“I love you, Axel.”

_“I love you too, sweetheart.”_

“What’re you wearing?”

_“Nothing sexy, but you can pretend I’ve got the jeans on that you love to see me in.”_

Roxas did. His hand went to the hilt of the plug and he moved it in and out of himself a little. “Mmm, Axel.”

 _“I wanna fuck you so deep, Rox,”_ Axel rumbled with hunger. 

“You _are_ ,” he moaned and his other hand found the remote control and turned it on. An intense shiver ran through Roxas and sounds just oozed out of his chest.

 _“I’m so hard for you, Rox. I wanna hear all the sounds you make on each different setting,”_ Axel panted through the phone line. 

Roxas slowly cycled through the options. The vibrations intensified, making Roxas squirm and mewl. He gave up thrusting the toy in and out of himself, instead using that hand to grip onto the side of the tub, to stop himself from slipping down and drowning.

When Roxas found a particular vibrating pattern cycle he gave a guttural groan and fought against the urge to touch and stroke his erection.

_“That’s the one, Roxas. Stay on that setting. God, listening to you is driving me fucking mental.”_

“Sorry,” Roxas squeaked as the pattern began repeating itself, starting the tingling sensations coursing through his body all over again.

_“Don’t be sorry. You’re so fucking hot.”_

“What’re you doin’ right now?” Roxas panted and slurred a little. The warmth of the bath and the pulsing through his penis and prostate was intoxicating.

 _“Fucking myself. My fingers… they’re not -,”_ Axel’s groan of pleasure and frustration sounded. _“- long enough. I miss your cock. Your amazing fucking cock, and your tight hot little arse.”_

The conversation ended. Moans, gasps and whimpers of delighted joy and need filled the space between them. Roxas could feel himself edging closer and closer. He bit at his lip, suppressing his voice as best he could. He listened to Axel’s vocalizations - to the little mutterings of Roxas’ name and expletives being uttered.

 _“Rox, don’t touch yourself,”_ Axel warned after Roxas’ continued silence. 

The pleading order snapping Roxas out of his wave of pleasure. He suddenly realized that his hand was beginning to drift down towards his body. He stopped himself, but huffed out in defiance, “Make me.”

 _“You know I can’t,”_ Axel started saying in a really high pitched squeak, jarring Roxas out of his heady daze, and making him laugh.

 _“What’s so funny, babe?”_ Axel continued in that awful tone, whilst doing a terrible job of suppressing his own laughter.

“Okay, okay. I’m not touching myself, you mood killer.”

“ _Then tell me what you’re gonna be doing with your hands,_ ” came Axel’s far more sultry and seductive rumble, which sent a twitching throb down Roxas’ shaft.

“I’m changing the settings from time to time with one hand and the other… ”

 _“Yeah?”_ Axel breathed huskily down the line.

“I’m gonna play with the plug.” Roxas gripped the hilt and slowly moved it up and down, relieving the pressure on his prostate but then pushing the buzzing toy right back against his bundle of nerves. He whimpered and Axel hummed in approval. 

The heady buzz returned to Roxas. Pleasure started building up again. Shivers, tingles and shudders ran through him. “I’m so close, Ax.”

 _“Me too Rox. I found - a good angle,”_ came the mutter. _“I wanna - make you come.”_

“Mm, you feel so good. F-fuck me harder, Ax. Please.”

Axel’s moans increased, and an extra forceful hard edge was in his thick throaty mutterings. Roxas imagined Axel ramming into him, their bodies mashed together, fingers clawing and digging, in an effort to not lose an ounce of physical contact. He turned up the vibration speed and pushed the toy hard against himself.

Everything clamped up inside. His erection throbbed and his orgasm streamed through him, cutting off his voice and the strangled cries of Axel’s name. Roxas’ orgasm continued to shudder through him, rendering him completely speechless and unaware of his surroundings. But he managed to weakly turn the vibrator off before it overstimulated him and made the pleasure turn into pain.

The sound of Axel’s satisfied groan, followed by panting, let Roxas know that Axel had also achieved his own climax. Labored breathing was all there was for a fair few minutes. Every time Roxas tried to move his body buzzed, so he just gave up and only focused on keeping his head above water. 

More minutes ticked by until finally Axel’s satiated laugh bubbled forth. He spoke slowly, but with purpose, lost on his cloud of delight, _“I haven’t managed to make myself come like that in a really long time. Thanks for being such a sexy cinnabun.”_

Roxas chuckled lazily. “Thanks for the amazing gift, Axel. Much better than my fingers. Maybe even better than your cock,” he teased gently.

Axel gasped weakly, exhaustion evident in his every word, “ _The day there’s a medical breakthrough to implant vibration settings into a living penis I’ll be first in line. But until then I hope you’ll still use this tired, and not quite satisfying enough cock.”_

“Yeah. I will. Substitute Axel’s just that after all.”

Axel laughed slowly. _“Glad to hear it. I’ve gotta go Roxas. Gotta clean myself up… and the carpet. I way overshot. Got myself in the face too. Forgot how far the stuff goes.”_

Roxas giggled. “You should have put on a condom… or gone and sat in the bath.”

_“You called out of the blue. Only had enough time to grab some lube. It’s all good though. I’ll manage. I love you, Rox. Have a good night.”_

“I love you too, Axel. Thank you _so_ much.”

_“Anything for you.”_

They made kissing sounds and Axel hung up, leaving Roxas to clean himself and his new toy up in the shower and go to bed in satisfaction.

* * *

 

Roxas had been too eager so he waited for Axel to arrive that Friday evening at Twilight Town Airport well before his flight was ever scheduled to come in. Time crawled by like a snail - but it had been that way all day. So Roxas hadn't seen what the difference was between suffering outside, watching Ventus make last minute preparations and checks, or dully waiting at an airport terminal. Axel had insisted on Roxas not waiting for him. He had said that he would make his own way to the hotel, but Roxas wouldn't hear it.

He stood around in the too-bright airport lights watching waves of passengers enter the arrival terminal. Twilight Town wasn't massive, but it seemed to still have a lot of people flying in, especially for a Friday evening. Roxas would have presumed a lot more people would be flying out to spend the weekend at far more exciting destinations than arriving at this somewhat small rural city. But apparently no. There seemed to be some appeal here which Roxas clearly was blind to as he had grown up in this place.

So he watched people excitedly roll their luggage down the ramps and be embraced by loved ones. It only made Roxas more anxious to see Axel again. He was coming straight from work. So with the time it took to get to the airport at Radiant Gardens, combined with the two hour flight it would mean an eight o'clock arrival.

It was agony.

To pass the time Roxas explored the dozens of shops at the terminal. He bought overpriced snack foods and also found some art supplies on a shelf in a kids shop. He bought a box of crayons and a sketch pad and found a relatively quiet and comfortable space where he could draw to pass the time.

He was artistic, though not when it came to traditional media. But now that he had lots of time to kill he thought he might as well experiment. He wanted to make a sign for Axel to see when he came out of baggage claim.

He had filled up most of the sketch pad and had worked several of the crayons down to mere stumps by the time eight o'clock rolled around. He collected his things and joined the throng of people who were gathering around the arrival area in anticipation for the flights passengers to materialize.

Roxas couldn't get to the front… or see much of anything, so he held up his sign and waited.

People began moving. Joyous greetings sounded from time to time. The crowd thinned marginally. A jolt of delight buzzed through his chest and caused his hairs to stand on end when he heard that familiar rusty laugh. He held his sign aloft with renewed energy and waited until red spikes danced atop the sea of heads, heading in his direction.

The crowd parted before Roxas and Axel emerged, radiating mirth. Unbelievable relief and an almost painful sadness flooded Roxas at the sight. He rushed towards Axel, still with sign and shopping bags in hand, and jumped at him. Axel dropped the suit bag he was carrying, and abandoned his small suitcase, catching Roxas and embracing him fondly. 

They rubbed cheeks against one another and left small, needy kisses on lips. All the while their mutual grip on each other tightened.

“Axel, I've missed you!”

“You miss me so much you forget what I look like?” Axel let Roxas slide back down to the ground, though his hands were still making contact and rubbing Roxas’ sides.

“I think it's a perfect likeness. It brought you to me, didn't it?” Roxas grinned and held up his sign with a rather beautiful and detailed drawing of a carrot rendered in crayon on it.

“The color’s all right, but that shape… ,” Axel bent down and whispered in Roxas’ ear, “You need to be reminded of what shape my cock is?”

A shiver ran through Roxas and his breath caught in his throat. “Yeah, I think I do,” he got out hoarsely.

“Tonight or tomorrow morning?” Axel smirked.

“Both,” was the obvious response.

A visible shiver of pleasure ran through Axel and he closed his eyes, clearly getting some sort of a mental image. Hungry green eyes pierced Roxas again shortly after. “Let's blow this joint then.”

“Yeah. Have you eaten?” came the afterthought. 

Axel picked up his things and followed Roxas, who lead the way to the train station. “I had some snacks on the plane.”

“Yeah? I bought some junk as well while I waited for you. We can go to a restaurant if you want.”

“I'd rather grab room service tonight, if that's okay with you.”

“That's fine.”

“Eh, Roxas… I know I don't live here or anything… but isn't the carpark the other way?”

“We're going to the train station.”

“You don't drive?”

Roxas stopped in his tracks and turned around. “No. I never needed to learn. Is… that a problem?”

“No problem, but isn't that gonna make it harder for us to get around? Your brother's wedding is on a piece of farmland somewhere, right?”

“I was gonna get a lift from my cousin tomorrow.”

“Ahh. Well - just a suggestion, but… I _can_ drive. We could grab a rental for the weekend. You and me… on a small road trip.” Axel looked at Roxas eagerly.

It was said so invitingly. “If you're sure. But we'd cope just fine without a car too.”

“I'm sure we would. But I kinda also want to be as alone with you as possible over this family crammed weekend.”

Roxas smiled warmly. “I _do_ like the sound of that.”

“Cool. Let's go to the rental over there then.”

* * *

 

Roxas had pointed out all the moderately interesting landmarks which they passed on their drive to the hotel. Axel really loved hearing about any and all of Roxas’ little anecdotes about the place he grew up. He also relished Roxas’ puppy dog eyes on him.

“Are my mad driving skills turning you on?”

“Huh?”

“You’re looking at me in an adorable way.”

Roxas composed himself. “No. I’m just amazed that you suck so badly at racing games when you can actually drive.”

It made Axel laugh. “These skills are non-transferable. But I guess you wouldn’t know that, since you don’t drive,” he teased.

Roxas scoffed. “Well excuuuuse me for never having a need for it.”

“Does Ventus drive?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, so _that’s_ why you never had to learn,” he chuckled, and Roxas hummed in agreement. Axel caught the glorious flash of teeth thrown towards him. He reached to his side cupping Roxas’ face. “I’ve missed that smile.” He felt Roxas’ cheek lift up as the smile intensified and received a kiss on his palm as a reward.

“You don’t have a car, do you?”

“Nope. Don’t need one in Radiant Gardens. But I keep my license up to date because I’ve gotta drive around for work sometimes, and it’s just convenient when the situation calls for it.”

“Ah. Oh the turnoff is here on the right.”

Axel followed Roxas’ instructions and moments later they were at the hotel carpark. They made their way upstairs and to the room Roxas had been living in for over a week now.

When they got to their room and Roxas opened the door a thrill ran through Axel. “We haven’t been in a hotel room together for a while, hey?”

“Do you miss it?” Roxas pushed the door open and held it until Axel was through with his luggage.

“It wasn’t the rooms I loved. It was having a place to be alone with you.” He planted a soft kiss as he brushed past, discarding his small suitcase and carefully placing the suit hanger bag on a railing in the short hallway.

The door closed behind him and the lights in the hallway went on as Roxas inserted the keycard in its holder. Axel wanted to be as close as possible to Roxas. He whirled around and pinned his precious cinnabun against the wall. Roxas’ arms wrapped around him, their lips nipped at each other and their tongues gently pushed together, probing only slightly.

Axel couldn't keep the hum of satisfaction out of his throat as he pulled away. “You want dessert now, or should we order the mains first?” he thought it a good idea to check with Roxas before he took it too far.

“Dessert first. I’m only hungry for a carrot cake right now.” Roxas’ breathy voice rumbled slightly. It always sent tingling sensations down Axel’s’ cock. 

“Awesome,” he got out, hoarse with desire. 

Roxas’ mouth was on his once more, and cold hands busied themselves with undoing Axel’s shirt. That was Axel’s sign to get their belts and flies undone. Warm and cold fingers roamed and caressed, sliding fabric off skin until both stood naked there in the hallway. Roxas stepped out of his jeans, took Axel by the hand and lead him to the main living area.

The room was small and rather dark, but still lit gently from the bright hallway lights behind. A queen bed, a desk, a television and a door leading to the bathroom was all there really was too see. But small and cozy was all they needed. A bed and a bath was all they ever needed when they were together.

Axel was pushed to the bed and then shoved down against the mattress, head hitting pillows at an odd angle. Axel straightened himself and laughed a little. “I like it when you take charge,” he smiled up as Roxas straddled him and massaged his chest. Axel received a soft smile back and a tweak of nipples.

“Tonight couldn’t come fast enough,” Roxas breathed, hungry eyes taking in Axel below him.

“Pun not intended I hope. No sprint-finish orgasm for us tonight, yeah?”

“Mm, I guess we’ll see how hungry we get. If you start fainting I’m gonna have to call it a night and get food into you,” Roxas said.

Axel ran his hands down Roxas’ delicious cool and soft body, cupping his behind and kneading lightly. “Very unlikely to happen, but thanks for your concern. So how you want this to work tonight?”

Roxas bit his lip a little as he pushed their erections together. “I want you in me, Ax. But… before that I wanna give you a pre-dessert show.”

He didn’t know what to expect but it hit him hard in his gut and a shiver ran up and down his spine. “What you wanna show me?” No matter what it would be it wouldn’t disappoint, Axel was sure of it. Roxas was so far removed from the vanilla bun he once had been. Axel couldn’t be more proud… or turned on.

Roxas clambered off Axel for a moment and moved towards one of the bedside stands. Axel propped himself up a little and kept his hands on Roxas as best he could, stroking flanks. He watched as Roxas produced Axel’s favorite brand of lubricant. Presumably the same one Axel had shoved into Roxas’ bag before he left. Something Axel recognized as the butt plug he had ordered for Roxas was also pulled out of the drawer. 

Warmth seeped through Axel and his breath caught in his chest a little. “What’re you gonna do with that?”

“I’m gonna give you a show, duh.” Roxas fiddled with the insertable vibrator, twisting it and shoving it into the base of the toy like a fucking pro.

“You can just leave that in there. You don’t have to take it out,” Axel informed gently.

“I know that. I’ve been taking it out on purpose.”

“Oh?”

Roxas grew a little red faced, but bravely soldiered on, “Call me a sap but I only want to use the vibrate function when you’re around… or listening to me.”

Axel’s heart squeezed. “You really _are_ a sap. Even… what is it you call me constantly? A cheesecake factory? You’re one of those too.” 

“We can be one together.” Roxas’ loving smile melted Axel to the core.

Roxas moved and sat in front of Axel, who also sat up properly. “My friends are right about you, Rox.”

A cute head tilt and a, “About what?” followed.

“I completely lucked out with you.”

It grew the smile on Roxas face. “You totally did.” He uncapped the lubricant and squeezed a generous amount onto his finger. Leaning back a little and spreading his legs wide Roxas sat in such a way that his anus was completely exposed for Axel to see.

If Axel had been standing he thought his knees would have given out with how surprising and completely fucking hot Roxas was being right now. He watched as Roxas rubbed the lubricant around his sphincter. He chewed on his lip when Roxas pushed into himself gently and moaned quietly.

Finger moved slowly at first. Carefully pushing in and out and getting the lube to where it needed to go.

Axel’s pulse raced and throbbed. He was well and truly hard by the time Roxas pushed his second finger inside himself. Eyes half lidded and an adorable look of concentration graced that gorgeous face. Roxas stretched himself a little, and kept twisting his hand, pushing a little deeper into himself.

And then he gasped and his head tilted backwards. Axel’s hand fell onto his erection and he rubbed his slit with the heel of his palm, moaning somewhat.

Roxas’ fingers started pumping in and out of himself lightly. His chest heaved a little and those small sounds out of his mouth dripped and pooled into Axel’s groin.

“I think you’re getting better at fingering yourself, Rox,” Axel rasped with lusty appreciation for what he was witnessing.

Lolling head tilted back up and a sultry smirk greeted him. Axel wanted to attack Roxas with deep thrusting kisses, but he’d have to wait until Roxas was done with whatever he had planned as the pre-dessert entertainment.

“Substitute Axel’s been a great teacher. I’ve had to stretch myself a lot more and it’s… mmm… easier to find the right… spot.” Roxas arched his back, pushing his fingers deeper into himself.

“So sexy.” Axel’s hand trailed off his penis and onto one of Roxas’ spread out thighs. He stroked the inside, traveling down towards Roxas’ hand. “I want to touch you Roxas. I wanna make you feel good,” he muttered, drunk on the sight of his beloved before him, pleasuring himself without the need for Axel.

Roxas pulled his fingers out and wiped them on his stomach. “You can help me, Ax.” Roxas picked up the plug and covered it in lubricant. 

Axel licked his lips. He was so hungry for Roxas, particularly as he watched delicate hands glide over the toy. Axel wanted those hands on himself, doing the exact same thing.

In the blink of an eye Roxas was done and pushed the plug into Axel’s hand. He took it, quizzically, and his mouth fell slightly open as Roxas whirled around and on all fours backed his rear right up into Axel’s chest. Roxas pulled back a little and looked behind himself and at Axel. 

“I want you to push it into me, Ax.”

Axel’s mouth and throat felt dry. All his liquids felt like they were migrating south. He looked from Roxas’ gorgeous face to his pale arse cheeks and at the glistening-with-moisture puckered entrance of Roxas’ rear. Axel wanted to push so many other things into Roxas. His fingers. His tongue. His cock. But plug it was going to be… for now.

“Okay babe.” He positioned the head of the rather broad girthed toy against Roxas’ flesh. “You ready?”

“Yeah,” he breathed and pushed back against the toy to get the ball rolling.

The tip went in and Axel imagined this piece of soft plastic being an extension of himself. He pushed slowly and gently, watching Roxas stretch open and listened to the glorious gasps and hums of satisfaction.

When it was all the way in, Roxas sighed happily. “Thanks, Axel,” the smile evident in his breathy voice. He turned around slowly and handed Axel the remote control.

Axel swallowed the lump in his throat. The only thing going through his mind was how hot Roxas was. How lucky Axel was. How fucking erotic tonight was looking to be and how much he could hardly wait for dessert to finally arrive.

“Do what you want with this, okay?” came the invite.

Axel just nodded, far too awed by Roxas to speak right now.

Roxas backed up slowly, and sat back down the way he had been when he had fingered himself. One hand was helping to prop himself up and the other ran down his body, finding its way to the hilt of the butt plug. Roxas gripped it tightly and began pulling it out of himself and pushing it back in, all the while gasping softly.

Axel savored the sight for a few moments before the weight of the remote registered in his brain. He had perused many different butt plugs that day he had settled on this one. He had liked the versatility of it, the vibration functions, but most of all the size. It was just a bit smaller than what he was, which had been perfect, since he had wanted to give Roxas the best… without making himself and his own girth pale in comparison.

He turned the dial and heard the buzzing start. Roxas abruptly stopped moving. His eyes slid closed, his head tilted back again, and his gasps grew in strength. Axel felt spell bound. He turned the dial again after a moment to see what reaction Roxas would have.

Roxas pushed the toy back into himself and abandoned it, instead moving his hand onto his shaft, where fingertips grazed and traveled up and down lazily.

Axel kept the setting like this for a short while, taking in the sight of Roxas. “I could watch you like this all day long, Roxas,” he muttered quietly. His own erection was completely forgotten. The way pre-come oozed and pooled on his skin was overlooked and not even felt. All that Axel saw was his sweet cinnamon roll writhing in pleasure, and moaning with greater strength, especially as Axel cycled through the different options.

Eventually he found the one that had set Roxas off in a lusty sounding frenzy the last time they had phone sex. Seeing the effect it had on Roxas in person made Axel love this setting even more.

Roxas whimpered and wriggled uncontrollably. He fell back on the bed and curled his fingers into blankets and bedsheets, almost looking like a desperate attempt to keep from touching himself.

Axel wanted to touch him. He wanted to swallow Roxas’ erection down and suck so hard until he came. Which didn’t look like it would take very long at all by this stage.

Roxas’ vocalizations became louder. Where his whimpers and groans had made no sense before, there was a distinct ring of familiarity to them now. Axel had to shake himself loose of the heady dream he was falling into.

“ _Cinnabun,”_ Roxas pleaded for what was the umpteetnth time already.

“Oh shit, sorry!” Axel fumbled with the remote but managed to twist it to the ‘off’ position moments later.

Roxas lay sprawled on the mattress, laboring to get his breath back. He twitched lightly from time to time as he fought down his arousal. Axel put the remote on a bedside stand, to make sure he didn’t accidentally turn it on and send Roxas over the edge. He then crawled over to him and gently lay down, making sure not to touch Roxas in any sensitive spots.

Hard breathing eventually softened and Roxas’ head turned. Glassy eyes focused on Axel. “You - nearly made - me come.”

“Sorry. You’re too sexy. I lost the plot.”

Husky breath came out in broken waves of shallow laughter. “S’okay. You - made it in time.”

Axel pressed a kiss to Roxas’ cheek, and then to lips when Roxas turned his head to intercept Axel’s next kiss. Moist sucks and pecks were left. Nothing but their kissing sounds and slowing breath filled the quiet of the semi-lit room. One of Roxas’ hands found their way onto Axel’s body, making him shiver with delight.

Pulling out of their slowly intensifying kiss Axel inquired, “Is the pre-dessert show over?”

“Yeah. D-did you like it?”

Axel gave a lopsided smile. Roxas was amazing. One minute completely in charge and pure sex appeal - the next shy and demure and seemingly completely uncertain about himself. “You’ve given me a raging hunger and hard-on, Rox.” He rubbed his hand through scruffy and damp hair. “That was incredibly sexy. I wouldn’t mind filming it next time.”

Roxas coughed and frowned. “No way. It’s gonna have to live in your memory.”

“It’s burned in there pretty good, but I’d still like it as a digital copy to watch if I’m ever away on business trips.”

“Never gonna happen.”

“Sure, you say that now but one day - when you give me a sexy recording of yourself for my birthday or Christmas - I swear I’ll act completely surprised. Promise. And we’ll watch it together and have amazing sex.” He kissed damp forehead and chuckled at Roxas’ pouty disgruntled face. 

He leaned down and kissed lips one more time. “You still want me in you? Need something more satisfying than Sub Axel?”

Roxas nodded. “I’ll be right in another minute or so. Can you get me a drink?”

“Sure, sweetheart.” Axel couldn’t resist leaving another kiss on Roxas’ forehead before he got up to head to his suitcase. When he did peel off Roxas and made it to his destination he fished around for the two packets of condoms he had packed. And then he headed to the bathroom to fill up a cup for Roxas.

His erection was beginning to wilt by the time he returned, but knew that would be remedied very quickly. He threw condoms on the bed and handed Roxas the glass. Roxas sat up and downed it in one go, handing it back to Axel so he could go put it on the desk.

When Axel returned he sat down on the bed, propping himself up with his arms behind him and legs lazily splayed out to the sides. He watched Roxas pull the butt plug out of himself cautiously and sigh with relief when it was out.

“Want me to go wash that for you?”

“I’ll do it later.” Roxas moved to the drawer he had pulled it out of and produced a towel, wrapping the plug up and putting it away.

“Feel better?”

“Better’s not the word for it. I was feeling really fucking good. But now I can relax and get ready for you to make me feel amazing in a little bit.” Roxas crawled between Axel’s legs and held onto hips while he pressed a kiss to lips.

“Should we get started then?”

“Mmm.” Roxas kissed his way down Axel’s chest… abdomen… hips… and then tongue trailed over to Axel’s shaft. Lips kissed and gently nourished Axel’s erection, helping to build it back up. 

Axel carefully ran a hand through Roxas’ hair, pulling at tufts as Roxas slowly began bobbing up and down, running his tongue over hardening flesh. Axel hummed his appreciation to Roxas.

Wet heat left Axel, making him give a questioning murmur.

“Lube,” was the only explanation given. But Roxas returned moments later, having grabbed what he needed.

Warmth encased Axel’s penis as Roxas swallowed him down. Eyes closed in pleasure. Hand continued to run through hair, and Axel moaned louder as Roxas’ wet finger probed and pushed into him.

Axel felt Roxas’ finger curl inside, looking for his sweet spot. Roxas found it pretty quick and it made Axel purr. “So good, Rox.”

Humming around his penis made Axel moan louder. A second finger pushed inside, and Roxas lazily played Axel like a fiddle until he finally pulled off and out of him.

“All good now?”

“Yeah.” Roxas left again, but this time to grab the condoms Axel had thrown onto the mattress. Returning between still spread legs he opened up Axel’s favorite brand first, pinched the tip and rolled it over Axel, before he took care of himself. When he was done he gently clapped Axel’s sides and pushed himself backwards to lay his head on the pillows.

Roxas made eyes at Axel and beckoned him to come closer with a curled finger. Axel rumbled with pleasure. Roxas was so seductive, and the sweet cinnabun didn’t even know it. Which Axel thought was probably for the best, or Roxas would have Axel wound around his little finger… well _more_ than he already had.

Axel quickly found the lubricant, applied some more to his tip and then moved and slid in between Roxas’ legs, pressing against him with his whole body. Cool arms wrapped around his back. Axel nudged his hips, pushing his cock against Roxas’ squincter. He slipped in smoothly enough, the tight heat immensely gratifying.

Roxas’ fingers tensed with pleasure and he moaned, which made Axel moan as well. He pushed in and out of Roxas, careful at first, even though Roxas had already been plenty stretched this evening.

“Ax, I love your cock,” he rumbled.

“You’re so fucking _tight,_ Rox. God I’ve missed you.” He nipped at cool neck before traveling up to lips to start their incessant kissing as Axel rolled his hips with increasing strength, building both their pleasure.

Every time Axel hit Roxas’ prostate the right way insides involuntarily clenched, gripping Axel tight, and making him moan and grind harder. Roxas’ hands kept kneading and pawing at Axel everywhere. He made sure not to rub against Roxas’ erection as he kept up his movement. Axel felt the tension building within himself. Roxas’ muscles clenched around him in a rhythm which made Axel feel like his was drowning in the most delicious substance that existed. Desire rose and swelled.

Roxas was also beginning to lose himself, whimpering and pushing against Axel in that familiar way which meant he wasn’t going to hold out too much longer. But that suited Axel just fine.

“I’m gonna come, babe,” he groaned quietly into Roxas’ ear.

Roxas’ breath hitched as he attempted to form some sort of a response. It was all Axel needed. He gave two more sharp thrusts, hitting Roxas just the right way. Muscles constricted around his shaft and it sent Axel over the edge. The release was blissfully explosive but he kept rolling his hips, hitting Roxas as much as he could before he got too soft.

A stifled groan and an intense clenching of Roxas’ insides signalled that he had finally come. Axel reveled in feeling Roxas’s whole body tremble and shake with his release. They both struggled for air against each other. Axel collapsed onto Roxas, though he was trying to distribute his weight evenly. 

They lay together in silence, hearts smashing against chests, heavy panting and the occasional shudder still running through them. Axel stayed on top of Roxas until he was soft and involuntarily slipped out of him. He rolled off and stared up at the ceiling with unseeing eyes.

Roxas moved first, disposing of condoms and wiping them both down with tissues.

“Thanks, Roxas,” he mumbled, rubbing at wet cheeks. “You take such good care of me.”

“Someone’s gotta,” came Roxas’ charmingly raspy and spent voice. Cool body snuggled down next to Axel, and he pulled Roxas against himself.

“You wanna order some dinner?” Axel asked quietly.

Roxas’ stomach rumbled in response. “Guess that’s a yes,” he chuckled weakly.

Axel groaned slightly, trying to get up but failed. Roxas smiled and pinched Axel’s cheek. “I’ll sort it out, but you gotta go open the door when room service comes.”

“I can live with that. It’s a deal.”

Sloppy kisses were exchanged and then Roxas slid off the bed and headed to the desk to sort out their dinner.

* * *

 

Next morning came, as did the men. But it wasn't really enough to quieten Roxas’ nerves. The thought of having to introduce Axel to his family today nearly turned him off his breakfast.

They sat in the hotels dining hall partaking in the banquet spread, which had been laid out on the buffet tables. Axel had piled his plate high, as if going back for second had never occurred to him as being a possibility. Roxas had taken a far more sensible portion for himself, but just poked and looked at his poached eggs instead of shoveling them into his mouth.

“You need to stop overthinking this, Roxas, or you're gonna starve to death today,” was said through a mouthful of food. Axel stabbed one of Roxas’ hash browns, leaned over the table a bit and pushed the morsel towards Roxas’ lips.

Roxas took it, wearing a weak smile and chewed, but swallowing was difficult.

“I can't make it stop. It's freaking me out.”

“Didn't you talk to Ventus about this?”

“Yeah I did.”

“Remind me of what he told you? I'm forgetful, remember?” Axel smiled and pushed another bit of food towards Roxas’ face.

Roxas breathed deep, took the offering and thought back on the many, _many_ conversations he had shared with Ventus around this subject over the last few weeks.

“He said that they'll probably be shocked but ultimately they'll come around and will be happy for me. And if they can make peace with it the rest of the family will as well.”

“So quit worrying and just enjoy today.” Axel sounded triumphant, poked a bit of Roxas’ bacon but this time stole it and stuffed it in his own mouth.

“Hey! You've got enough food on your plate. Quit taking mine!”

“Make me, short stuff!” Axel's thieving fork went in again to pilfer Roxas’ goods, but Roxas blocked him and they sparred for a bit with their utensils.

They eventually calmed back down and Roxas managed to finish his breakfast as the laughter had dissolved the mighty weight inside his stomach.

The morning flew by in a daze for Roxas. He was Ventus’ best man, which meant he had to be at the venue several hours before everyone else for the 4pm ceremony. But that still meant that Roxas and Axel had a fair bit of time to kill. So Axel had insisted on Roxas showing him around so they could while away the hours before they had to get moving for the wedding.

Roxas appreciated the distraction and took Axel to some of his favorite places. But eventually it was time to leave for the hour long journey to the property where the wedding and reception would take place.

They listened to the radio and sang loudly and poorly, but eventually Roxas slipped into a somber mood.

“So tell me, Rox, why are they having their wedding in the middle of butt-fuck-nowhere?”

The question brought him out of his increasingly panicked ruminations. “Uh - you really want to know, or are you just trying to distract me?”

“Can’t I be doing both at once?” Axel flashed a smile which lifted the corners of Roxas’ mouth.

“Well, it’s not in the middle of ‘butt-fuck-nowhere’ for one. Just because there’s more grass and trees around doesn't put us out into the country.”

“I’m a city-slicker. This is country territory for me. I hope the cows won’t eat me when they see the fear in my eyes.”

Laughter rattled and shook Roxas’ nerves out a little. “You should be more worried about the chickens and roosters.”

An enlightened and wary sound seeped out of Axel. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Mm. The place we’re going to is heritage listed with a functioning farm on it. Everyone in Twilight Town knows it, because everyone who's ever lived here has been to it at least once. I went on so many school excursions to that place.”

“Ewww, why?”

“So we could learn about how things used to be and see where chicken nuggets come from. There was this one hen - Henrietta -”

“Serious? It had a name?”

“Yeah. What's wrong with naming chickens?”

“That's like… playing with your food or something.”

Roxas rolled his eyes. “Sounds like you could have used a program like this.” 

“No thanks. I don't want to know that my food had a life outside of my fridge.”

“Your loss,” Roxas shrugged. “She lay the best eggs, you know. We always got to take some home. One day she was gone though and Ventus cried and couldn't look at chicken for a whole month,” Roxas laughed, as did Axel.

“See, that's what I'm talking about. It would have destroyed the sensitive city kids and then everyone's yuppie parents would have had to have done some actual parenting to console their kids.” Axel laughed even more at that thought.

“But that wouldn't have been you, right? You'd have been stone cold and heartless, yeah?”

“Yeah completely. I'm much too cool to cry about the loss of a chicken. A cinnabun though, totally different story. But speaking of nuggets… can you pass me one?”

“Yeah, sure.” Roxas fished around in the backseat of the car for the bag of fast food they had grabbed at a drive-thru on the way out of the center of the city. “You’re in luck. Still four left.”

“Ahhh -,” Axel opened up wide and turned towards Roxas while keeping his eyes on the road as he drove.

Roxas popped one into Axel's mouth and grabbed another one which he started nibbling on while mulling over some thoughts in his head. “I met Liss through Uni. She was studying to become a Veterinarian and I was doing my Applied Computing stuff. We shared a calculus class together, and that’s how we met. We became alright friends. I helped her through some personal shit at one point and then -,” Roxas warily glanced at Axel. “Don't get paranoid or anything but I thought I liked her for like two weeks or something.”

Axel's eyes flashed onto him briefly before turning back to the road.

“Open up,” Roxas prompted. Axel did and was fed another nugget before Roxas comfortingly rubbed Axel’s thigh with his clean hand.

“So what happened to change that?” Axel got out through his chewing.

“Well during those two weeks I put in a bit of extra effort to maybe start something with her. But I didn’t want to be too obvious - was trying to be casual. We both know how good I am at that, yeah?”

Axel made an amused sound.

“So I brought Ventus with me when she was doing one of her placements at that farm. Ven _loves_ animals. You don’t even understand how much he loves them. That chicken story - that's just one of many. So he had no issue with being a third wheel as long as he could get into the barns and stables and pet the horses and cows.”

“They didn’t eat him?”

“No, they only eat city-slicker redhead carrot cakes.”

Axel poked his tongue out at Roxas, who returned the gesture.

“I introduced them and by the end of the day I had no more interest in her because I could see how smitten Ven was.” Roxas chuckled at the memory. “So that’s why they’re having it out there. Plus it’s a really beautiful place.”

“It’s nice that there’s some significance behind it. Remind me to shake Ventus’ hand and thank him for stopping you from getting with her.”

“Kay. You want the last nugget?”

“Halfsies?”

* * *

 

Once they arrived Roxas didn’t have much time to mull over his anxieties. He left Axel alone to wander the grounds and not get eaten or mangled by the farm animals, while Roxas helped Ventus and got changed into his suit.

As the guests started arriving Roxas found some time to sneak out into the gathering crowd. He couldn’t get ten paces without someone stopping him to say ‘Hello’, and ‘Long time no see’. But Roxas had no time for them. He was searching for his friends, his favorite cousin, and most of all Axel.

He caught sight of Naminé and tried to bee-line for her, but was stopped by someone grasping his arm. It stoked the agitated fire which was building inside as time ticked away at a ridiculously accelerated pace. He whirled around, about to give whoever it was as polite a ‘ _fuck off_ ’ as he could muster.

“Hey, hot stuff,” came the rumbling seductive tone. It pooled into Roxas’ stomach and the stern expression on his face melted. Axel was dressed in a snug fitting, expensive looking dark suit. Though in the glaring sunlight it held a reddish sheen, making Axel positively glow. But time and stress weighed on Roxas too heavily for a proper appreciation of how fine Axel truly looked.

“Axel! I’ve been looking for you.”

Axel seemed lost for words and his eyes just wandered all over Roxas for what seemed like forever, and yet still didn’t feel like it was long enough. “You look - amazing.” Axel stepped close, coming in for a kiss, but Roxas pulled back, shaking his head slightly, feeling somewhat panicked.

Bewilderment shook the lust out of Axel and then realization seemed to dawn. “Sorry, Roxas.” He let go, stepped back a little and just smiled.

“We can do whatever you want later. But right now I am fucking stressed.” Roxas grabbed Axel by the arm and dragged him off towards where he could see Naminé talking to his friends Hayner and Olette. “I’m gonna introduce you to my friends and cousin and they’ll look after you until I get some time to be with you, okay?”

“Sounds awesome. Thanks Roxas.” The tenderness and affection in Axel’s words was just as good as a loving caress at this moment. Roxas gave him an affectionate smile, and hoped it would convey the same sentiment to Axel as Axel’s words did to Roxas.

They made their way briskly across the well maintained garden.. When they neared the small crowd of gathering people a wave of welcoming cheers erupted.

“Hey guys!” Roxas replied and hugs, kisses and noogies were dealt out before Roxas could get much further.

“And who’s this weirdo?” Hayner acknowledged Axel with a nod once Roxas had space to breathe again.

Roxas beamed and held out his hand for Axel to join him and the small circle which had formed. “This is Axel. He’s my boyfriend,” he got out with ease and no second thoughts. He grinned up at Axel and watched a toothy smile appear as happiness seemed to fill him up.

Axel positively beamed, and a joyful, “That’s me,” was uttered as he waved at everyone.

There came elated shrieks and squeals and Roxas only caught some of the excited chatter as everyone seemed to close in tighter around the both of them.

“I knew it!” Olette announced and clapped.

“Good for you, buddy,” Pence calmly smiled.

“Congratulations,” Terra enthused, and Naminé strode up to Roxas and gave him another tremendous hug, and whispered, “I’m so happy for you.”

Roxas was embarrassed but simultaneously thrilled at the response he received from everyone.

“I’m gonna be really busy. Can I entrust you all to look after Axel?”

“Definitely,” Aqua smiled and Hayner boasted, “You can count on us. When have we ever let you down?”

“Well… ,” Roxas drawled. “There was that time you -”

“Shhh,” Hayner waved Roxas into grinning silence.

Roxas turned towards Axel, whose hand he was still holding. He didn’t want to let go. He didn’t want to leave, but his brother needed him. “I’m gonna leave you with them. So there’s Hayner, Aqua, Olette, Terra, Pence, and my cousin Naminé.”

“Please to meet you all,” Axel smiled.

“Stay out of trouble, okay?” he ordered. “And same goes for the rest of you.”

“Boo! Boring!” Hayner bemoaned.

Axel chuckled and glanced at Roxas, “He’s right, y’know.”

“Aqua, keep them in line,” Roxas urged, turning to the one person who was most sensible.

“Always do.”

With the promise of Axel being looked after Roxas gave Axel’s hand a fond squeeze and receiving an outwardly innocuous - but inwardly filled-to-the-brim-with-love caress across the palm of his hand as he pulled away.

“Catch ya later,” he said with a wave and headed off into the throng of wedding guests.

* * *

 

The wedding ceremony eventually got underway. It was timed beautifully with the setting of the sun. While the vows of undying love were being declared Roxas couldn’t tear his eyes off Axel, who was sat amongst his friends. Ventus was spouting something mushy about the sun setting on their old life and that it would rise again in the morning on their new life together. All that Roxas felt was vast fields of love for the man who had barged into his life and irritated, but also elated him so much. As Ventus and Melissa kissed, Roxas wiped at his eyes and returned his attention to his brother and now sister-in-law as a thunderous roar of clapping and cheering erupted all around.

Many congratulations were given. Many group photos taken. Melissa eventually got around to throwing the bouquet - with a lot of force. It had missed the large gathering of women before her and smacked a completely oblivious Axel in the face, as he was way too busy eyeing Roxas from across the well maintained blooming floral garden. He caught it before it hit the ground and handed it to Aqua who was idly standing beside him. Lots of people laughed, including Roxas, and they continued to exchange smiles while the rest of the world flitted by.

The whole process of getting everyone into the main reception area and seated for dinner was a long process. Roxas was kept busy with ushering people around, and continuously saying hello to long forgotten relatives. Talking to them felt like torture as he had to give a recount of his life and try to ignore the not-so-subtle hints of him being the next in line to get married.

Dinner _did_ eventually happen. Toasts were given. Speeches made. Roxas had some choice words to share, which caused maximum embarrassment for both Ventus and Melissa, and caused rousing laughter out of everyone else. But all the while - through all the pomp and ceremony - Roxas’ eyes drifted to Axel, who was close but yet too far. 

He seemed to be having a good enough time. Animated and lively chatter was happening, and the occasional roar of laughter from everyone at that particular table soared above all the other noises of the room. So Roxas couldn’t feel _too_ bad. That was until his awareness intrusively shifter towards his parents, who were seated at the table closest to the bridal party.

Roxas pondered if he needed to tell them at all. He wondered if he could just coast by today the way he had. But then he thought of how he couldn’t be with Axel the way he wanted to be if he kept this all a secret. Axel had told his own parents. The least Roxas could do was suck it up and do the same. He did believe - in the deepest recesses of his heart - that his parents would be all right with it… eventually. 

Some time between the mains and waiting for the desserts, the bridal party got up and mingled with the guests. Roxas also got up and finally headed towards where he really wanted to be. He burned to be wrapped up in Axel’s arms, but had to make do with standing next to him instead. Axel leaned against him ever so slightly and Roxas held on to the back of Axel’s chair to stop himself from running his fingers through thick warm red hair.

“How’s everything so far?” he said to the whole table.

 _“Great!”, “Awesome”, “Can’t wait for dessert!”_ , were just some of the responses Roxas caught - the dessert one not even having been from Axel, but from Olette, who was just as much into sweet treats as Roxas.

Excited chatter happened. Pleasant remarks about the wedding and the food were made. Everyone at the table also sang their praises of Axel. Things like, _“He's a real catch!”, “Wherever did you find someone so handsome and charming?”, “He's a really funny guy,”_ were spouted _._

It raised instant red flags for Roxas. “Did Axel put you guys up to this?”

Everyone shook their heads and grinned at Roxas, which caused Roxas to turn his suspicious eye onto Axel. He only received a sweet, innocent smile and fluttering eyelashes, which broke Roxas and he laughed.

“You’re so dodgy. How’d you bribe everyone?”

“What? Me? Bribe? Never! I’m just _that_ great that everyone loves me.”

Roxas narrowed his eyes and pouted playfully but his attention was drawn across the table.

Hayner piped up, “Hey Rox! Axel won't tell us how you guys met-”

“Other than it was on the way to work,” Pence added.

“Yeah. Why's he so cagey about it?” Olette queried.

And then Hayner, ever the ring-leader, began a chant of “Tell us, tell us, tell us!”, which everyone, even the ever sensible Aqua, joined in on.

It drew looks from other tables and Roxas felt his skin prickle with heat. He waved them into silence. “He won’t tell you guys coz it's none of your business, that's why.” He smiled at Axel, feeling very pleased that he had kept his word to stay quiet about it.

Naminé, of all people, spoke up, “That just makes us want to know even more.” 

Everybody at the table giggled.

Roxas sighed, feeling defeated. “There's nothing to tell, really. We met on the train. I found him annoying -” 

Axel nodded his agreement. “I was _super_ annoying,” he winked at the table, causing more quiet laughter to roll through everyone.

“He was persistent and I had a really shitty day so… I decided I'd say yes to Mr. Annoying for a change of pace,” he tried to brush off casually with a shrug.

“How romantic,” Olette teased.

“Sounds like there’s a whole lot more to this story,” Aqua observed.

“We’ll get it out of him one day, guys,” Terra enthused with certainty.

“Bet you Ven knows. Ven knows _everything_ ,” Pence chimed in thoughtfully.

Axel seemed to really enjoy himself as he listened to Roxas’ friends speculate and scheme how they might get the information they craved. But Roxas sighed with exasperation and the rest of the conversation was lost on him. His head kept swiveling between his friends and over to where his parents stood, still shaking hands with anyone who approached, and presumably thanking all the guests for coming to support their son.

Roxas felt so sick inside. 

“You should just go, Roxas,” Aqua quietly encouraged, being ever observant. 

That did snap his attention back to the table. “What?”

“The thing that Axel did say was how worried you are about coming out to your family,” she clarified. “Just go and talk to them.”

“It’s not like you’re being subtle, dude. We’ve been teasing Axel mercilessly all evening about the love-sick looks you two’ve been throwing each other,” Hayner smirked, and agreeing murmurs came from everyone else.

“It’s true,” Axel lamented.

Naminé chimed in, “I can’t see aunt Betty and uncle Rob having a freak out about this. You know my dad’s brother is gay, right? And everyone's fine with that.”

Roxas threw another worried glance towards his parents who seemed to be withdrawing to chat amongst themselves. 

There were so many doubts and worries in Roxas’ head. In theory Naminé’s words made sense but… “Your parents have always been more liberal though. I think mom’s more stern coz she’s the eldest.”

“Stop making excuses and just go,” Hayner pushed.

Axel shifted minutely towards Roxas, catching his attention. Roxas received a warm smile, which defrosted some of the chill in his core. Axel always radiated warmth, both in body and in mind. He was an ever present reservoir of strength and comfort to Roxas.

“Whatever you want to do, Rox. I’m with you,” he muttered quietly.

Axel was the only encouragement Roxas ever needed. 

He gave a firm nod, inhaled sharply through his nose and pressed his lips together. Without another word he tugged at Axel’s suit sleeve and headed off, weaving through the forest of tables and guests. The cheers of encouragements his friends hooted after him faded into the background.

“It’ll be fine, Roxas. You’ll see,” Axel soothed quietly beside him as they walked to what felt like an execution.

Roxas didn’t see much. He kept eyes only a few paces in front of himself, occasionally throwing them up to make sure he was still on track through the dining maze. He caught sight of his brother, who’s eyes widened and then he gave an encouraging smile and thumbs up. 

It didn’t help.

When they were too close for Roxas to safely back out of talking to his parents Axel moved to the side incase Roxas needed to bail out on the introductions.

“Hey mom, hey dad.” He came to a standstill before the judges, who had withdrawn into a thankfully quieter corner. His throat was too dry. Roxas wished he had drunk a gallon of champagne before this event.

“Oh Roxy, this is such a wonderful night, don’t you think? Are your friends having fun?”

“Yeah. Everyones having a great time. Bit hard not to at something Ven has thrown together. I ah-” Roxas’ eyes briefly shifted to Axel.

“What is it, Roxas?” his father encouraged, taking notice of where Roxas was looking.

Roxas wanted to do this. He _needed_ to do this. He screamed inside his head and then, “I want to introduce you to someone.” Roxas beckoned to Axel and thought he would love to die right about now.

“Hello Mr. and Mrs. Wainwright. It is a pleasure to meet you both,” Axel oozed with charisma, shaking Roxas’ father's hand and kissing his mothers, which made her slightly giddy with delight. 

“You’re that chap who caught the bouquet with his face,” Roxas’ father chuckled.

“Yes, it was definitely not planned, but I’m glad I caught it anyway. I’d like to offer up my congratulations to both of you on your sons wedding. I hope Melissa will be a delightful addition to your already delightful family.”

Roxas felt sick while the exchange of pleasantries was happening. It was weird to hear Axel talk like that but at least he seemed good at ingratiating himself to Roxas’ parents.

“Why thank you. She’s already been such an integral part of our lives. It’s nice to see them finally taking the next big step in their lives together,” Roxas’ mother praised. “We just wish that Roxas would also be able to settle down.”

“Mom,” Roxas groaned reflexively.

“What honey? It’s true. When we were your age your father and I were already married and painting the nursery for you and your brother's arrival. It’s not good to be alone for too long. You need someone to share your life with.”

Roxas fought down the swirling unease. It would never get better. It would never get easier. This was probably as good an entry point into the subject as he was ever going to get. He struggled with making eye contact. His body felt like it was trembling and his face was definitely starting to heat up. Roxas wondered if he was turning visibly green. “Look, I didn’t come over for another lecture.”

“Your mom just really worries for your future. But maybe it would be better to not discuss this in front of a wedding guest, Betty, dear,” Roxas’ dad tried to sooth, as the ever present peacekeeper in their immediate family. 

Roxas’ mother looked completely taken aback for a moment, as if she really had forgotten all about Axel standing at Roxas’ side. “Oh yes, where are my manners? I’m sorry about this, ah -”

Roxas sighed quietly with relief for the change of subject. “This is Axel Sullivan. He’s my - plus one today.” Roxas groaned inwardly.

“Oh. I thought we had already met all of our sons’ friends. You don’t live in Twilight Town do you?”

“No ma’am. I live in Radiant Gardens.”

“Good to hear you’ve made some friends, son,” his father delighted.

Roxas cringed at that. Which alone was enough of an indicator for himself that he needed to get this out.

His panic-addled brain tried to remember what Ventus had coached him in. _‘Get them to be impressed with him. Tell them of his accomplishments and then hit home with your relationship. They’ll like him more if he’s not a drop-kick. He’s not one, right?’_ Ventus’ laugh still rolled through Roxas’ ears. He tried to refocus.

“Axel’s a marketing and advertising project manager at this really big firm in the city. How long’ve you been there for?” Looking up at Axel, no matter how brief, was infinitely helpful. Roxas wasn’t alone in this. Axel would love him forever, even if his parents didn’t anymore.

“Five years and counting,” he smiled brightly.

“He’s won them multiple awards.”

“Oh really? You enjoy the work you do?” Roxas’ mother sounded somewhat impressed - or at least interested.

“When it’s interesting and challenging enough,” Axel mused.

Roxas was stalling badly. He had to bite the bullet. “Look mom, dad, I… wanted you guys to meet Axel because - he’s -,” Roxas _truly_ wanted to die. Axel’s warmth radiated next to him. He had to do this. Just _had_ to. 

“Everything all right, Roxy?” His mother was actually getting concerned now. Roxas could hear it in her voice.

Eyes sunk to the floor. “Yeah.” Roxas swallowed the lump. “He’s my boyfriend.” It came out so weak and pathetic. Roxas had completely shrivelled up inside.

“Your what?” his father asked for clarification.

“Boyfriend,” Roxas tried again, with more conviction. He dragged his eyes up and forced himself to look at his parents. They didn’t appear horrified. But there was a certain resemblance to a deer caught in headlights which wasn’t easy to miss.

“For how long?” Roxas’ father’s uncertain voice rang, clearly not knowing how to take that news, but faring much better than his mother, judging by the fact that she had stopped talking and her mouth was just hanging open.

“We’ve known each other for almost two years, and have been dating for one, isn't that right, Roxas?” Axel looked at him with a soft smile.

‘ _Way to embellish the truth_ ,’ Roxas thought to himself, fighting down a chuckle. He was going to let this slide though. It sounded better than - ‘ _he’s been trying to get my attention and into my pants since two years ago and I finally caved about a year ago and we started sitting naked in bathtubs together before fucking_.’

“Yeah,” Roxas nodded.

And then there was just awkward silence while his mother’s eyes darted between the two of them. “Roxas,” she eventually got out in that familiar plaintive and disheartened voice which never bode well for him and his conscience.

But she didn’t get far because static sounded over the PA system and then suddenly, “It is time for the bridal dance. Could the lovely bride and groom's parents please find their way to the dance floor.”

“You guys better go.” Roxas gently pushed his parents in the direction they needed to head until the message finally sunk into their brains and they were able to march themselves over to the back of the room.

Roxas’ shoulders slumped and he gave a tremendous sighing groan when they disappeared into the crowd. Axel was right at his side, rubbing his back as platonically as he could.

“Well that was lucky.”

“Luck’s got nothing to do with it. The dance was supposed to happen after dessert. Ven bailed me out.”

“Best brother of the year?”

“Of the century.”

* * *

 

The cake was cut, to much applause and jubilations. Then lights were lowered and the bridal dance was held, which was a mish-mash of all different songs and dances that Ventus and Melissa both enjoyed. Their parents then danced and after that it was open season.

Roxas had tried to hide himself as much as possible from his parents, and was relieved that dessert, once it was served up, was a far less formal affair. People came and went between tables and dance floor. The lights remained low and it gave Roxas the perfect cover to hide out with Axel behind the table laden with wedding presents to eat cake together. 

“Feeling better?” Axel inquired as he spoon-fed Roxas a piece of cake.

He mulled the question over in his head while enjoying the moist and tart dessert. “Hiding out with you makes me feel better.”

Axel chuckled while shoveling cake into his own mouth. “C’mon. They didn’t lose their cool and make a scene. That’s like a total win.”

“I guess.”

“Cheer up, buttercup.”

“Can you make me?”

“I thought I was. Cake not doing it for you?”

“I need something sweeter, Axel,” he complained and pushed himself closer to Axel, though they were already shoulder to shoulder.

Plate was discarded. Warm fingers tilted and turned cool face upwards. Lips pressed against each other. Hands began to roam cautiously as they tried to keep themselves as rumple free as possible. And because of the need for restraint their kiss intensified accordingly.

Axel’s tongue eventually pulled out of Roxas’ mouth. Kisses started trailing down. “You’re so fucking hot in a suit, Rox. Why’d you never show me before now?”

“I wouldn't want you to lose your mind.”

“If you had shown me before I wouldn’t be losing it right now,” Axel rumbled, loosening Roxas’ tie so he could get kisses further down his neck.

“You’re not so bad yourself in something other than a business suit,” Roxas muttered in delight, running his hand down Axel’s side, feeling the velvety fabric. With the stress of confessing to his parents finally behind him, Roxas had been able to finally take proper stock of how fucking hot Axel actually looked.

“You think I'm hot now wait till the tatts come out.” 

“I’m imagining it,” Roxas muttered quietly against Axel’s hair. 

Roxas received a sharp nip to his collarbone and stifled the moan which was begging to come out. He could hardly wait for the wedding to finish so they could get back to their normal routine.

* * *

 

As the night wore on Roxas became braver about letting his face be seen again amongst the crowd. He danced with Axel… and it may very well have gotten a bit inappropriate. Roxas’ friends surrounded him and hid him from as many of his relatives as possible, but eventually he had to make the rounds again, especially when his older relatives were beginning to get ready to leave.

And once the farewell’s had been said Roxas danced and sung with Ventus for a while, until he decided that he'd had enough and would call it a night.

Unfortunately he had to say goodnight and goodbye to his parents, especially as he was heading back to Radiant Gardens the next day. Roxas approached, with Axel’s comforting presence at his side. His parents greeted him warmly, and he received warm hugs from both of them. To Roxas’ relief Axel was also hugged and had his hand shaken. Not much was said, bar his parents wishing they would see more of Roxas than a once a year visit and that had been that.

But before they were able to get out of there Roxas remembered that he needed to grab his belongings out of Ventus’ room, as he had dumped everything in there when he had gotten changed.

Ventus escorted him up, while Axel remained downstairs at the main party, apparently wanting to get in one last dance-off against Hayner before they departed.

“I saw the hug Axel got from mom. Guess it didn’t go all that bad, huh?”

“Thank fuck for that. You’re so lucky you don’t have to go through shit like this.”

“True. But hey, I guess he’s really worth it if you _are_ going through shit like this for him,” Ventus grinned.

“Yeah. Hey, thanks for -”

“No worries bro. I did warn Liss that I might pull a program change on the fly. I think mom and dad probably needed the distraction as well.”

“Give them some time to think,” Roxas mumbled.

“Mm-hmm.” Ventus unlocked the door. “You sure you don’t wanna stay the night? Liss and I are gonna bunk together. We just needed two seperate rooms to store our stuff. So this one's vacant but already paid for.”

“It’s fine. I told Axel we could stay but he said he’s happy to drive back to our hotel. He hasn’t been drinking.”

“All right then, if you’re sure.”

“Yeah. We are.” Roxas grabbed his bag where he had dumped it earlier that day.

“You don’t want to get changed? I know I’m dying to get out of this suit.”

“Uh… I think Axel-”

Ventus laughed, “All right, nothing further has to be said. You two and hotel rooms. Picture painted clear as day.”

Roxas grinned and threw an arm around his brother's shoulder as they walked back out.

“You feel different now that you’re married?”

“Mmm… maybe ask me again in a week.”

Coming back downstairs and into the reception area Roxas got a small jolt of discomfort through him as he caught sight of his dad walking away from where Axel was standing, downing a glass of water. 

“Don’t stress Rox. I’m sure it’s okay.” With that Ventus ruffled Roxas’ hair, gave him a big hug and waved good-bye as he eagerly skipped back to be at Melissa’s side.

“We good to head?” Axel queried as Roxas approached.

Roxas carefully scanned over Axel, studying him for any signs of a major upset. Axel seemed fine and unfazed. Maybe it truly had been nothing. “Yeah, let’s go.”

It wasn’t quite as easy as that though. Many stops to say farewell needed to be made before they got out of the venue and into the car.

But Roxas sighed with relief and sunk into his seat as doors slammed shut, “We finally made it.”

Axel hummed. “Thought we’d never make it out. I was beginning to pray for a herd of hungry cows to rush through the place.” He grabbed his seatbelt and started the engine. “Buckle up.”

Roxas did and they pulled out of the carpark.

“Thanks for coming with me. Did you have a good time?”

“Oh yeah. It was much better than what I expected.”

“What were you expecting?”

“Well - I was expecting to feel miserable being without you and that I’d get too much down time. That was the thing I worried about the most.”

Roxas felt exhausted, but it seemed to fade a little as he began paying attention to Axel. “Down time?”

“I ah - came to the decision a while back that weddings aren’t my thing. I went to one a year after - well you know - and I felt like complete shit. I ruined it for everyone who had to be around me.”

“How?”

“I just got really broody and melancholic. Drank too much, ran my mouth off too much. I was a fucking mess. And after that everyone knew to avoid inviting me. And I was happy to be left out. Because hearing about other people's weddings always got me down and thinking about shit. It ruined my mood for weeks on end after.” Axel sighed and shook his head. “So fucking pathetic.”

“No. You’re not. You should have told me. I - wouldn’t have invited you. I don’t want you to feel like shit.”

“No. There was too much riding on this. You needed and wanted me here. Plus as I told ya, I _really_ needed to be here for myself as well. To shut my fucking stupid head up. So I figured I’d just suck up my own shit and go through with it.”

Guilt slammed him like a rock, making Roxas miserable. “I’m sorry, Ax. I - are you okay?” He rubbed Axel’s leg, wishing they could just cuddle together so Roxas could try to make it better somehow.

Axel actually chuckled. “Yeah, Rox. I’m more than okay. I don’t think I even thought about the shit from my past once. I liked you keeping an eye on me. Your friends _did_ tease me a lot about it but… you and them combined… I think it’s what I needed.”

“They seemed to like you.”

“Oh good. I like them too. They’re pretty great. They kept me plenty entertained. And it was great to see Ventus and Melissa together. And if I’m honest it was also a relief to be able to tell the two of you apart by the clothes you wore,” Axel gave Roxas a wink.

“Sorry,” Roxas muttered. The more time passed the more he regretted having pulled that prank on Axel a couple of months earlier.

“Hayner and Olette told me about all the times you and your brother pulled your pranks on anyone and everyone that you could,” he laughed. 

“Yeah? But they told you _why_ we did it so many times, right?”

“Oh yeah. Every time someone got you two mixed up it pissed you off so much you went along with it until they realized and felt stupid for it, right?”

“Yup, that about sums it up.”

“Good. Made me kinda feel better to know I wasn’t the only one to experience your wrath.”

“Sorry. Old habits die hard. I know it wasn’t your fault. How’re you expected to know that wasn’t me if you never even had a clue that I had a brother? Guess I’ll just be an asshole like that for the rest of my life.”

“I like your asshole, so don’t worry about it.”

Of course Axel would say that. Roxas laughed. “It likes you too,” he grinned.

“I’d kiss you right now, but I’d rather get us back in one piece so I can show you how much I like you.”

“Good idea.” Roxas made to turn the radio on and searched around until he found a radio station that played decent music at this time nght. He did find one eventually, but kept the music purposefully low. “Hey Ax.”

“Yeah, honey-butt?”

“Eh- Where do you come up with this shit?”

“It’s not shit. It’s poetry in motion.”

“Shitty poetry in motion.”

“Whatever, sunrise of my soul. What’s up?”

Roxas swallowed down his smile. “Did - my dad say anything to you before we left?” His heart started thumping hard for all the wrong reasons.

Axel hummed a little, like he was uncomfortable. “If I say no would you believe me?”

That made Roxas groan. It was really all the confirmation he needed. “No. What did he say? If it was anything mean I’m denouncing them as my parents,” he scowled.

“Aww, babe, you’d do that for me? I’m touched.”

“You did it for me, so it’s only fair. We’re in this together.”

“Fuck, can I just pull over right now and we do each other in the back of the car, in the middle of nowhere, in the middle of the night?”

“Keep driving. I wanna live, and not get murdered by a deranged hobo that might be wandering the dark streets.”

“What if we lock the car doors?”

“No.”

Axel groaned with frustration. “Fine! Why you gotta be so sensible?”

“So that we stay alive long enough to fuck each other into old age, duh.”

Axel chuckled.

“C’mon, tell me already,” Roxas urged, refusing to let the previous conversation slide.

“Geez, fine. He didn’t actually say anything bad. I don’t think you give your folks enough credit. Your dad cornered me while you were getting your stuff. He wanted to know what my intentions were with you. So I told him it was to have as much sex with you -”

“What?” Roxas choked.

A loud laugh bellowed forth. “Oh Rox, you’re too fun. Of course I didn’t say that. I told him I wanted to love and care for you for as long as you’ll let me.”

That made Roxas’ heart thump for all the _right_ reasons. “No you didn’t.”

“Oh I totally did. If it means anything he gave me another firm handshake and a big smile and a clap on the back. I think you definitely get your smile from your dad,” Axel mused almost dreamily, but snapped out of it. “So I really don’t think you have much of anything to worry about.”

“Dad’s always been more easy going,” he muttered. 

Warm knuckles began stroking Roxas’ cheek. “Same with mine, oddly enough. But c’mon Rox. Let’s not dwell on this shit. Turn the music up for me and let's do our worst.”

Roxas obliged. They sang for a while until Roxas’ voice began to scratch uncomfortably, and then it was just up to Axel to belt out the power ballads. But that ended shortly as the night wore on and the radio station drew into the incredibly cheesy romance hour of their broadcast.

The slight vibration from the car as it rolled over bitumen, coupled with Axel’s rhythmic cadence as he softly sang along, was amazingly soothing and calming. Before he knew what was happening Roxas dozed off, only to be awoken by soft warmth pressed against his cheeks. 

“Wake up, sweet cheeks. I'm not carrying you up to our room.”

“You're the fucking worst,” Roxas grumbled, rousing from his slumber. A warm kiss woke him the rest of the way and they made their way back to their room, with Roxas sleepily slouching against Axel as they walked.

But the journey up in the elevator and the hit of frigid air from the climate-controlled building made Roxas feel more alert by the moment.

“Thanks for driving.”

“My pleasure.”

“You holding up alright? You want to go straight to sleep when we get in? It was a really long day,” Roxas offered, not really knowing what answer he was even truly hoping for.

“I'm doing okay. Getting out of these clothes will be nice. Maybe even run a bath. If we do stay up late we can sleep in tomorrow. Check-outs not until eleven.”

“Mm, true. Let's just wing it and do whatever comes naturally to us,” Roxas bumped Axel playfully and received a smirk.

“Pun?”

“Make of it whatever you want.” Roxas unlocked their door and pushed it open.

“Intentional then,” Axel asserted and followed Roxas inside, whereupon the door was shut tight behind them. Axel ran his hands along Roxas’ sides, just feeling and looking at him. Roxas returned the fond expression which was given to him.

“You really leave an impression when you dress up,” Axel rumbled in a soft tone.

“Well apparently I also leave an impression when I’m just bundled up and going to work,” he teased and worked on unbuttoning Axel’s suit jacket and loosening tie.

Axel gave him a lopsided smile. “Yeah, guess you're right. You leave an impression no matter what you do.” He left a kiss in blonde hair and followed Roxas’ lead by undoing and freeing Roxas of his snug fitting clothes.

“Just out of curiosity's sake… What kind of an impression did I leave on you, Rox?” came the idle chatter as jackets were casually flung onto the bench in the hallway of their hotel room, and hands began working on undoing suit pants.

“Back on the train or when we met face to face?” he queried for clarification, shaking his legs free and stepping out of trousers.

“You couldn't have had an impression of me on the train,” came the cock-sure dismissal.

“Yeah, I totally did,” Roxas defended, as he watched Axel step away to hang their shirts up. 

“But how accurate could that have been?”

“Very.” Roxas threw out casually as he busied himself with picking up all other discarded clothes and dumping them in a heap on the bench.

With nothing but tight shorts on Axel stood with hands on hips in front of Roxas, who was equally as naked. “No way.” 

“Wanna bet on it?” Roxas challenged.

Axel licked his lips and leered at Roxas mercilessly, “What we gonna bet?”

“Loser has to pack and unpack the dishwasher by themselves for a week.”

Axel groaned and rolled his eyes. He grabbed Roxas by the hand and lead him towards the bed. “Why are bets with you always about domestic chores?”

“Because I like to get out of them wherever possible,” he grinned and then began laughing when Axel flung him onto the bed.

“Can't we bet on something sexy?” Axel pleaded, climbing on top of the bed and Roxas.

He raised himself onto his elbows, “Like what?” 

“Like I get to come in you without a condom on when I win?” he licked the underside of Roxas’ chin and left a kiss on lips.

It made Roxas snort. “First of all - ewww. Second of all - unhygienic. Third of all - no.”

Axel whined. “But I wanna fill you up and make you into a cream filled Cinnabun.”

“Oh my God, Axel, you disgusting perv.” He pushed Axel off himself, causing lanky body to crash onto the mattress, making them both bounce a little.

“That's me,” he grinned, and pulled Roxas close so they could snuggle.

“See, I knew you were gonna be a pervert just from seeing your shoes.”

“Really?” Axel's eyebrows raised, and he sounded rather skeptical.

“Yeah. And I knew you were someone who's arrogant, self-confident and didn't give a shit about people.”

“I'm not totally like that anymore though,” Axel said, sounding somewhat taken aback. “You don't think of me as being only like that, right?”

“I know how sweet and loving you are,” Roxas smiled softly and brushed fingers through Axel’s hair. “Your past made you bitter. You're still self-confident, showy and arrogant at times, though. I don’t think that’s gonna change. But I like that about you. It makes you sexy to me.”

“Well damn… Lucky for me we didn't make a bet.”

“Oh you aren't getting out of it, mister. Dishwasher duty for a week,” he sniggered

“No fair! We never shook on it.”

“Doesn't matter. It's happening,” Roxas grinned, and it only intensified the mortification on Axel’s face.

He groaned loudly and tilted his head away from Roxas, pouting at the wall. “Fine. Whatever. When you see how pathetic I am you'll cave and help me. I give it three days, max.” He threw Roxas a side-glance.

“Fair call,” Roxas laughed and nuzzled Axel’s neck until the fake upset ceased and kisses landed on him. 

Axel’s warm smile radiated out through his voice, “Well you seem to be such an amazing reader of human beings via their shoes… but what about face-to-face? What did you think when you actually saw me?”

“Your hair was amazing. And your eyes,” Roxas looked at him and stroked cheekbones. “You're so fucking hot.”

Axel purred, ran his hand down Roxas' back and pushed their hips together firmly. Roxas could feel Axel's penis hardening up slowly.

“Tell me more,” Axel breathed.

“Well that's about it for your looks. I liked that you asked me to stay. You were so sad and pathetic… It was really cute.”

Axel chuckled and the lust in his eyes melted. “I really didn't want you to leave. Not after it took so freaking long to get you to look at me. I was kinda obsessed with you. Thinking about you day and night. Though mostly at night.” Axel gave a sharp thrust with hips. ”I always wondered what you were listening to and then I tried to imagine what someone like you would be called.”

“Yeah? Really?” Roxas giggled slightly.

Axel hummed. “I had you pinned for something dull like Gavin or Kevin or Melvin.”

“Really don't like those 'vin' names, do ya,” Roxas sniggered, tracing arbitrary patterns on Axel’s chest and feeling the warmth of their embrace seeping ever deeper into his skin.

“Yeah,” Axel grinned. “But no, you had a unique, sexy name that just rolls off my tongue - _Roxas_. Mmm.”

Axel said it in that familiar seductive way which always got Roxas going. He arched his back as the pleasant shiver ran through him and closed his eyes for a moment, breathing in deeply.

“I always knew you liked it when I said your name like that,” Axel's gravely timber filled Roxas’ ear.

“I still do,” he breathed.

Axel’s face drew closer. Their bodies pushed together and lips connected. Everything in their room was quiet. Bed sheets shifted and springs squeaked. Soft and moist sucking sounds filled the room, but eventually came to a halt.

Roxas licked his lips and looked up at Axel, who was propped up on his side, leaning over him. Both their fingers traced over each other’s cheeks, resulting in a shared loving smile.

“I always called you Mr. Business in my head. Coz that's what you were. A cocky bastard. Until you wore all those shoes for me. Then you became. Mr. Attention Seeker.”

Axel’s breathy laugh filled Roxas’ chest with delight. “Oh good. I'm way more of an attention seeker than a Mr. Business.”

“Oh I know,” Roxas grinned. “So you just became Mr. AS to me. Which is creepy coz -”

“Serious?” a surprised look lit Axel’s face and his body shook with a quiet snigger. 

“Yeah. See I told you I knew you before we ever formally met,” Roxas beamed with pride.

Axel lay himself back down, head resting on pillow and looking into Roxas’ eyes with pure adoration. “Maybe we were destined to be together,” came the gentle statement.

“Maybe.” Roxas rolled onto his side, and pulled himself closer to Axel. “But we made our own destiny. We made an effort for each other. Maybe for selfish reasons at first. - You just wanting to fuck me to get your rocks off, and me just wanting to forget about my shitty life and have something of interest happen to me. But - it got way better with time.”

Warm fingers brushed hair out of Roxas’ face and tucked some bangs behind his ear. “I'm glad you took a chance on me, Rox. Thank you for being weird with me.”

“Thank you for not giving up and for asking me to be weird with you.”

Arms wrapped around each other and their legs tangled together. Roxas snuggled against Axel's chest and they inhaled each other.

Small, disjointed conversations continued for a while until their voices drifted into quiet utterances. Hushed good nights were murmured and they fell asleep, still holding each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everything was supposed to wrap up in chapter 22, but it got too long so I had to split it into several chapters. I hope I'm not overstaying my welcome with this story and characters.


	23. A Promise In Metal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As their first year together draws to a close Roxas and Axel try to make it as special as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit content below.

Life passed by pleasantly enough and things were pretty steady. The longer they stayed together the more confident Roxas grew that this is where he wanted to be - at Axel’s side.

They were sitting in Axel’s bathtub one fine spring afternoon. Axel was comfortably stretched out, head resting against the glass shower wall, which butted up with the bathtub. Roxas was straddling Axel’s lap, arms slung around warm shoulders and rocking himself against Axel’s fingers, which were buried deep inside himself.

Axel eventually spoke up, “You know your mom's called me during lunch today.”

Roxas stilled at Axel’s words. “What? How'd she get your number?”

Axel raised his head to look at him. “Well if it's not from you it's gotta be Ventus, right?”

Tension rose in Roxas. “What did she say?”

“It’s okay. She was really nice. She thanked me for looking after you and making you happy.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, and then she berated me in that way only mother's can about bringing you home more, especially on your birthday. She said we don't have to stay away. That I'm more than welcome there.”

Roxas smiled, and not just because of the pleasant way Axel's fingers were stroking his insides.

“That’s typical. Bet she loves having one more person to call and harass to get me to come home more.”

“I told her I’d do my best, but also that it’s ultimately your choice for what you want to do for your birthday. She kinda sounded happy that I wasn’t going to force you to do anything,” Axel smiled, but then his face turned up into something resembling mild confusion. “But she also put the guilt trip on me about how much she misses you.”

That made Roxas laugh. “Aww, Ax. I’m so sorry. If you somehow lose your phone and have to replace your number I completely understand.”

“It hasn’t gotten that bad yet, but if it does… well the next time you get a pervy text from a strange number saying they wanna pound you into the mattress all night long that’ll probably be me.” Axel smirked and waggled his eyebrows.

“Is that the plan for tonight?”

“If you want it to be.”

“Yeah,” Roxas moaned as Axel’s fingers made a bolt of pleasure shoot through him.

Another shaky breath sounded out of Roxas before he managed to continue. “I call mom up from time to time. She always wants to know how we're going.”

Axel hugged Roxas a little closer to himself and rubbed his face into the crook of Roxas’ neck. “Your parents are really great. It's awesome that they're not causing you problems.”

“They were always so worried that I wasn’t looking after myself. Them knowing I'm not completely alone anymore helps. You're such a lifesaver.” Roxas placed kisses on skin and hair.

“I'm a real hero, huh.”

“Yeah.”

Foreheads pressed together and both their eyes closed in bliss. 

Roxas hummed pleasantly in response to Axel's touches, but eventually he asked, “What about your parents, Ax? You haven't talked about them in a while.”

“Huh? - Oh.” A heavy sigh fell out of him and the small slice of Nirvana Roxas had found himself in slipped away.

He pulled back a little too look at the way Axel’s brow furrowed and his jaw clenched. “I thought things were going okay.”

Axel's fingers stopped moving. His body tensed.

“Ax, talk to me.” His hands went to Axel's face and fingers rubbed tattoos.

“Everything’s fine, Rox.”

He gave Axel a hard look. “No it's not. Don't bullshit me. What happened? Last thing I heard you said that they were asking about me. And that was a good sign because it's better than ignoring I exist, right?”

“Well…”

Panic began rising. “Axel, c’mon.”

“I don't wanna worry you."

“Well you _are_. You always told me things were all right with you and your parents.”

“I didn't want to worry you,” he repeated. Eyes meandered and looked at anywhere but Roxas. “You were so worried about coming out to your parents I didn't want to freak you out. I don't want you to think or worry about my parents.”

“What’re they doing or saying?”

“Nothing really. They just kinda pretend I never had that conversation with them. They keep asking if I've found a girl yet and mom keeps trying to arrange blind dates for me.”

“That's so fucking rude!” Roxas could feel the outrage begin to boil inside himself.

“Shh, Rox. It's okay.” Warm hand stroked his back and green eyes looked at him with concern. “Nothing they do or say will ever make me feel differently about you.”

“I'm not - I'm not worried about that. I know we'll always be together. But… how dare they treat you like that. And me as well. That's just -” His heart had begun thundering away. He wanted to punch something. “You should have told me,” came his plaintive cry.

“Why? So you can get upset about it? I don't want to see you upset, Rox. Especially about something we can't change.”

“You not telling me makes me more upset though,” he frowned.

Axel sighed, leaned in and kissed Roxas lightly. “I'm sorry. I know we're in this together.”

“Damn straight we are. If your mom keeps insisting on trying to set you up we need to do something about it.”

“Like what though?”

“Mm… you say ‘yes’ to it -” Axel gave him a ‘you're-completely-out-of-your-mind’ look, but Roxas forged on, “and then you take me along and we have a nice dinner with these women, and then explain the situation to them. And we keep doing that until your mom stops.”

“Oh you are completely passively, aggressively evil. I love it,” Axel chuckled.

“See. If you never told me I wouldn't be able to bail you out with my incredible ideas.”

“Yeah. I’m pretty dumb sometimes.”

Roxas nodded. “We’re better together. We don’t have to go through shit alone anymore.” He deposited a loving kiss on lips and pulled back slightly, gazing at Axel. The motion also pushed Axel’s fingers deeper into himself, making Roxas shudder with pleasure. “Mmm… I hope they’ll learn to accept our situation.”

“I hope so too. But if not then,” he shrugged, “whatever. They’re not the ones I wanna spend the rest of my life with.”

Soft smiles were exchanged. Water lapped against the sides of the bathtub as Roxas resumed his slight rocking. His hand traveled down Axel’s body, dipping underneath the steaming water. He gently squeezed Axel’s penis, fondling his head. A delighted sigh seeped out of Axel’s chest. His eyes drifted shut and he tilted his head back a little more, resting against the wall behind him.

Neck was so tantalizingly exposed. Roxas grazed teeth carefully over Axel’s Adam’s apple and down over his collarbone, nipping a little. “I’m pretty happy with how things are between us,” he muffled against skin.

“Only _pretty happy_?” Axel sulked. 

Roxas laughed. “Pretty happy is really good though.”

Green eyes fluttered open, and softly smiled at Roxas. “Anything I could do to make it pretty-fucking-amazingly-happy for you?”

“Probably.” Roxas’ breath caught in his throat as Axel’s fingers pushed and rubbed. He bit at his lip but it didn’t stop the whimper of pleasure escaping his throat. His chest heaved and he breathed out heavily. He rocked hips a little sharper and tried to swallow the groan which was threatening to come out. 

“While I’ve got you here can I ask you something?”

Roxas found his voice, “While I’m at your mercy?”

“Yeah,” Axel chuckled.

Roxas eyed Axel warily. “This feels like -,” he pushed down against Axel’s fingers and sighed, eyes rolling into the back of his head slightly, “ - the start of entrapment.” 

“You can think what you want. I was gonna talk to you about this no matter what we were doing today.”

“Well ok then, ask,” he murmured. 

Axel’s fingers eased out of Roxas, causing him to whimper and complain, “Hey, I agreed to hear it. That’s not supposed to make you pull out.”

Axel sniggered. “I promise I’ll put something _way_ better in you after this conversation.”

“Oh… so not entrapment but bribery, I see.” Roxas tugged a little harder on Axel’s penis, which he was working into a very satisfying state of arousal.

“I guess you could call it that,” Axel muttered with satisfaction, and pushed his hips up towards Roxas, causing water to ripple and form into waves.

“Okay. Out with it then. I want you in me already.”

Axel’s penis throbbed with desire in Roxas’ hand. He exhaled, trying to calm himself. “Best get this out of the way super quick then. Ah… I can think of one thing that would make what we have right now even better.”

“What’s that?”

“Us living together - permanently.”

Roxas’ heart fluttered. The idea of living together had always been in the cards. But he had wanted to give himself _and_ Axel enough time to get to know each other properly. “Oh, um… Well I already spend most of my time here with you so I kinda feel like we're working up to it, yeah?”

“Yeah and most of your things are here too.”

“You don't mind that do you?” came the rather hasty response.

Axel laughed. “Of course I don't mind. I suggested it, remember? You said you wanted to take things slow. See how we deal with each other being stuck together. But I told you to come and be stuck with me while you still have some of the comforts of your own home, here.”

“Yeah.” Roxas buzzed with the memory of Axel offering to make a space for Roxas and his things. He had brought over most of his games, and slowly his geeky memorabilia had started occupying the spaces on the bookshelf in between the photo frames. 

The photo frames also started containing more photos of Axel and Roxas together. The odd one here and there of Axel and Demyx still lined the shelves, but Demyx seemed to have taken a large portion with himself as he had sort of, unofficially, moved out. That had left Roxas and Axel largely to themselves.

“I like spending time with you, Roxas,” Axel purred. “I love having you around. I respect you, and will honor whatever you want to do. And I know it’s only been like three months and maybe I’m too eager or something… but… I _am_ eager to wake up with you and go to bed with you every single day, without all the commuting. So if you’re holding out because you worry about stepping on my toes or something I just want you to know that you wouldn’t be. I’m ready to make this, and make _us_ permanent. But if you want your own space that's fine too. I know we get on each other's nerves sometimes.”

“I think I'm getting better at understanding when you need your space,” Roxas pondered. “And I think you're also getting better at knowing when I need mine as well.”

Axel gave a pained smile. “Sorry I get moody sometimes.”

“It’s fine. As you once said, it’s okay to be shitty sometimes, as long as it’s not being shitty with each other, right? So when you start grumbling on the train and don't feel me up as much I know not to take it personally. You just had a shit day. It happens,” Roxas soothed.

“And when you get all snappy I know I need to keep away from you, and let you beat me in a couple of rounds of Pong,” Axel chuckled and ruffled Roxas' hair.

“How dare you!” Roxas’ mouth gaped open and he scoffed in faux offense. Soft kisses and affectionate rubs up and down his back swept that look off his face though.

“I never feel grumpy with you, Rox. And I know that I cheer up a lot faster when you're around,” Axel said. “I love having you around.”

“I love being around.” Roxas pushed himself against Axel’s chest. His arms folded around slim shoulders and both men rubbed and pushed their hips together, grinding against one another, reveling in each others unique temperatures. Pecks to lips turned into hungry wrestling matches. One of Axel’s arms slung around Roxas’ back, keeping them pinned together. The other hand cupped and fondled Roxas’ backside. Fingertips sought out Roxas sphincter once more and gently pushed into the already stretched out opening.

Roxas whimpered into Axel’s mouth and pulled away a little. “I love you, Axel,” and nuzzled the side of Axel’s face.

“I love you too, Roxas.”

Roxas never got tired of hearing it, and he was certain that Axel was a lot more secure and less doubtful that Roxas was being genuine when he spoke about how he felt. He left a kiss on one of Axel’s tattoos. “I do think about us moving in together. Don't think I don't want to.”

Axel smiled. “Good to hear. You know it doesn't have to be here. We could live somewhere else if you wanted to.”

“I know,” Roxas said, with an exaggerated sigh.

“I'm sorry. Am I being pushy?”

He smiled and gave Axel’s shoulders a loving squeeze. “You are a bit right now, yeah. But I know you just wanna make sure everything is alright between us. And it is.” Roxas pecked at Axel’s face, leaving kisses on cheeks. “Again, I do want to live with you. I mean… I'm practically doing it anyway, right?”

“Yeah. I don't see the point in you paying rent at your current place if you're never home.”

“Is Demyx still paying rent for this place? I never see him around anymore.”

“Yeah, he is for the time being. He's more or less moved in with Zexion, though.”

“Anything to do with you?”

Axel looked shocked. “No, never!”

Roxas didn't believe him. He nipped at the nape of Axel's neck causing the man to giggle.

“Okay, I might have given him a slight nudge,” Axel nuzzled into Roxas' hair. “He's happier living there anyway. But I can pay for this place all on my own and still be quite comfortable. So don't think I want you moving in with me so you can pay.”

“But I would be paying when I move in.” Roxas knew Axel would appreciate him using the word 'when'.

“And I'm a hundred percent fine with that.”

“Good. You better be,” Roxas purred, pulling himself closer towards Axel as fingers rubbed against his prostate with affection.

“I am. But take your time, Rox. Whenever you want to move in, or go looking for some new place for us to live in, just say the word. Or we can leave things how they are. As long as I get to spend every day with you I guess the context doesn’t really matter.”

“I do want those things. And if living together is important to you, then I’m not gonna ignore it. I’ll make some changes soon, promise. You’re important to me, and I love being with you. So please don’t start thinking there must be something wrong. I’m just… trying to be sensible, I guess. Give us enough time to adjust.”

“I love that about you. You make me wait. You force me to stop and think and process. You cool me down but also light my fire. I love that. I love _you_.”

Axel pulled Roxas into a hungry kiss, which stole his breath. Roxas pulled away panting. “Now can I _please_ have your cock inside me,” he whined and wiggled his backside.

Axel’s laugh rumbled. “Sure.”

* * *

 

More time passed. Axel took up Roxas’ suggestion of saying ‘yes’ to his mother’s stupid ideas. He was only set up with two blind dates before his mother got the hint that Axel was always going to bring Roxas along if she demanded anything of him. Her complaining stopped. Her incessant involvement in his life stopped. Axel remained largely ignored and he preferred it that way. 

Roxas felt sad for Axel, and irritated at his parents, but he let it go as best as he could. He didn’t want to worry Axel or give him any reason to not share his personal concerns with Roxas.

Summer came and with it Roxas’ birthday. They flew out to Twilight Town for the weekend. It was a much more low-key affair than the twins twenty-fifth birthday, but still memorable and fun. Axel had been warmly received by Roxas’ parents and grandparents. Roxas had thought that this was the best birthday present he could have gotten. That was until they returned to Radiant Gardens and Axel pulled out all the stops to give Roxas an incredible night out, as a post-birthday celebration for just the two of them. 

But the really special celebration happened a couple of weeks later. 

It was their one year anniversary. It wasn’t something they had ever expressly talked about and come to a consensus over. But the fact that both of them had independently been counting the days since their first hotel bath session felt significant enough for that to be considered the day their relationship had officially started. No matter how rocky the early days had been, and how much neither of them had ever intended to fall in love with the other, it had happened. 

So since the 24th of June had been delegated their official anniversary they had spoken about what they could and actually wanted to do. Axel had proposed they go try and find the hotel they had gone to that fateful day, and maybe even find the exact room. Roxas had suggested they stay at home and instead of chasing their tumultuous past to focus on building their peaceful future. Axel had followed up his agreement to Roxas’ suggestion with a lot of kisses and very fond hugs. 

He had also suggested they spend the two nights leading up to their anniversary apart, citing the reason as being so they would miss each other more, and make the night extra lustful and special. Axel had whined, grumbled and eventually laughed about it and acquiesced. 

Wanting to feel more needy for Axel had been partly true. Despite them having agreed on a quiet night in, Roxas did have things planned. Stuff which required some privacy and to be away from Axel for a while. He bought himself a pair of awful fluro yellow Crocs, just like the ones Axel had worn on the day he had shown Roxas that he was interested in him.

Roxas’ plan to make them both more needy for each other seemed to be working, if their meeting on the subway seemed to be any indication of anything. 

They talked every night, and messaged each other consistently throughout the day, so by the time their commute rolled around there was nothing to say and all they did was cling to each other.

It made Roxas aware of how much Axel meant to him. What a pivotal part he was becoming in Roxas’ everyday life. It made Roxas love Axel all the more, though he still held onto the belief that he would be fine without Axel. Maybe not as happy… but he’d be fine.

He still really looked forward to his reunion with Axel that afternoon on the day of their anniversary. Roxas awaited Axel's stop with baited breath. This morning Axel had been over the top affectionate; producing a dozen roses and rubbing Roxas’ face the entire time they were together. It had been embarrassing, especially walking into his work with the flowers but Roxas had enjoyed the attention and questions which had been flung at him. If the morning had been like that he could hardly wait to see what the evening would bring.

A quiet laugh rolled out of Roxas when he caught sight of equally horribly colored Crocs traipsing onboard. Clearly they were hanging out together too much. They were usually on the same wavelength. It was impossibly nice.

Axel beamed down and ran a hand beneath Roxas’ hoodie and through his hair. 

Roxas reached for Axel's hand, pulled it away and kissed his knuckles. Roxas no longer cared what kind of an impression he was leaving on his other commuters. They both hadn’t been subtle in months. And Roxas thought he'd never be subtle again. Except for maybe if he had to go visit his extended family, or Axel's. Those were the only exceptions. 

They got off at stop ten and walked out of the subway and onto street level, hand in hand. 

“When did you buy those shoes?” Axel questioned with a chuckle.

“A while ago. What about you?”

“What! You don't recognize the originals when you see them?”

Roxas giggled. “They still got the notes stapled to them?”

“Nah, the notes fell off, but the staples are still embedded. Like my love for you.” Axel beamed.

Roxas snorted, “You’re too much.”

“Better than not being enough.”

Roxas cast a glance up at Axel and squeezed his hand, trying to be reassuring. It netted Roxas a squeeze back and a kiss on the back of his hand. Axel was always like that; full of warmth and gentle care. Roxas felt immeasurably blessed, and tried to reciprocate the affection as much as possible. Which is why he wanted today to go down really well.

“Hey, since you’re being so sickly sweet can we pop into the bakery?”

“Sure. I might as well pick up some stuff while I’m there too,” Axel conceded.

“Cool.” 

They strolled onward until they got to their favorite bakery, a block and a half from Axel’s place. It was run by a very lovely couple whom Roxas had managed to endear himself to, on accounts of having been in there so much, and having tried everything they ever baked. Even the stranger trial-and-error baked goods.

The door chime rang as they entered, and the warm smell of freshly baked scones hit Roxas’ nose with delight. He inhaled deeply and smiled fondly as he approached the counter.

“Good afternoon, Rosita! Anything weird for us to try today?”

“Ahh, hello Roxas! Hello Axel! Just the usual today. But Clarence and I are brainstorming something really odd. We’ll probably have a treat for you boys by next week,” came the cheerful and slightly elderly voice of a woman, presumably in her late 60’s. Roxas would never dare to ask.

“We wouldn’t miss your experiments for the world,” he said with a grin and loud enough to be heard through to the back.

A low chuckle sounded from that direction, where Roxas knew that Rosita’s husband would be busy tending to their freshly baked goods.

“This is why we love having you in our shop,” she smiled softly. “So what can I get for you two today?”

“We’ll take one of whatever’s smelling so good right now,” Axel piped up, while he was staring intensely at the various assortments of cakes and pastries behind the glass display counter “And I’d also like a slice of carrot cake. Anything else, Roxas?”

Roxas’ mind had gone a bit blank for a moment, but he snapped out of it. “Uh, no.” He looked back at Rosita, and muttered in a somewhat quieter tone, “Just picking up my order.”

“All right, sweethearts,” she gushed with a bright smile. “Won’t be a moment.” She headed into the kitchen section to get them the freshly baked item.

Both men turned towards each other and spoke simultaneously -

_“Why would you buy carrot cake?”  
“Special order?”_

They looked at one another, and once again spoke in unison, _“It’s our special day.”_

Axel grinned, and Roxas chuckled and shook his head. “If we keep this up you’re gonna put Ven to shame.”

Axel closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Roxas, drawing him flush against his body, and kissing his forehead. “Good. It’s about time I take the spot as the number one man in your life.”

Roxas really wanted to stretch up and kiss him, but refrained. “You doofus. You’ve been that for a long time already.” Roxas pushed his face into Axel’s business shirt and nuzzled his chest. Arms squeezed him tighter.

They pulled away as they heard a soft sound of amusement. “You two could put Clarence’s éclair’s to shame with how sweet you are.”

Roxas tried to will the heat spreading up his neck and cheeks to go down, as he stepped over to the cash register to pay. Axel only laughed in amusement, never being ashamed or embarrassed about being overtly in love while out in public. 

“If you watch us long enough we’ll give you cavities, Rosita. That’s a guarantee.”

“I don’t doubt it.” Her cheeks had turned a rosy red with delight.

“Why’re you only charging me for the cake?” Roxas interrupted.

“The rest is on the house.”

“No, Rosita, I really can’t. After all the trouble -”

“No trouble, darling. You two go and enjoy yourselves tonight. It’s our anniversary gift to you.”

Roxas tried to protest but he was shushed by the door chime sounding off again, as the evening rush started.

“No more. I’m too busy to argue with you,” Rosita dismissed.

Roxas shut his mouth and begrudgingly paid for only one out of the three items he had gotten today.

“Have a wonderful night, boys. And if you two ever need anything else especially made, like _decorative_ _cakes_ , you know who’d love to make them for you,” Rosita called after them as they walked towards the door.

“Thanks Rosita. You’re a real doll!” Axel waved and winked at her, as well as gave an extra loud shout of, “Thanks Clarence! You’re the best baker this city has ever seen.”

The approving sound of Clarence's chuckle saw them out and back into the summer air.

Axel’s arm draped across Roxas’ shoulders as they walked on. “Decorative cakes, huh? You think she’s already planning our wedding?” he laughed under his breath.

“Oh definitely,” Roxas nodded while still eyeing the receipt woefully.

“What would give her that idea though, huh?” The smirk in Axel’s voice was unmistakable, even without needing to see it.

Roxas shrugged his shoulders. “You know how old people get. They hit a certain age and the business of others is the only thing they start caring about.”

“Don’t talk like that about our precious Rosita. You’ve _done_ something. That’s why she’s like that. What was the special order, huh, Roxas?”

Nervous energy rose inside of him. He thrust the receipt into one of his hoodie's pockets and fished out the still-hot baked good. He felt triumphant. “A-ha! I _knew_ it was scones. And look she even filled it with jam and cream.”

“Quit changing the subject.”

“Mmhm pfhh mmnot,” Roxas said through a big bite and held out the last bit of scone for Axel to have.

“Sure you are,” Axel retorted. But he still took the held out morsel of food, also taking in Roxas’ fingers, and licking at them. Axel hummed in approval. “Diph good, mm.”

Roxas nodded and licked the remainder of the cream off his fingers as they continued their journey in silence. Roxas’ plan had apparently worked, but purely because Axel let him drop the subject.

When they walked into their duplexes’ courtyard Axel spoke up again, “You sure you’re happy to just stay in tonight?”

“Yeah. Question is, are you? You seem a bit… mmm…”

“Unbelievably sexy and charismatic?”

Roxas rolled his eyes, especially when Axel gave him a cheeky wink. “You’re those things all the time.”

A deeply approving chuckled rolled through Axel, as he busied himself with unlocking the door.

“But I mean you’re a bit fidgety today.”

Axel turned away from the door, which he had just unlocked. “To be fair I haven’t had a one year anniversary with anyone in like sixteen years. So this is kind of a big deal for me, and I wanna make sure it’s everything both of us want.”

Roxas’ eyes went wide with realization. “Yeah… sorry. I didn’t think of it that way.”

“Nothing to be sorry about,” Axel reassured, and stroked Roxas’ cheek.

The action drew Roxas’ eyes up off Axel’s horrendously endearing shoes. He gave him a warm smile. “You don’t have to be nervous though. I’ve never had a one year anniversary so the bar’s set pretty low.”

Axel’s smile grew and grew into a tremendously proud grin. “Well that bar is about to be raised to the ceiling.” Axel swung the door open to the surprisingly gloomy interior. The sun was still up, which usually meant that everything was bright and lit up inside. But this time around… 

Roxas threw Axel a confused glance. “Why’s it night inside?”

Axel’s only response was to press his hand to the small of Roxas’ back and gently push him through the doorway.

The door closed behind them. Axel’s body pressed to Roxas’ back. The smell of vanilla and cinnamon wafted through the air, making Roxas think of Christmas. Something about the dark was warm, friendly and completely embracing. And then Roxas _was_ embraced. Arms slipped over his shoulder and crossed over his chest, while kisses rained down onto his head and onto one side of his face.

Roxas’ eyes slowly adjusted. The dark became less absorbing and little dots of light began appearing all over the place.

“What… and _when_ did you do this?”

“Last night, when you weren’t here. Demyx came over to help. And I came back during my lunch break to do some finishing touches.”

“Like what? And this won’t burn the house down, right?” Roxas looked at the tea lights which had been set up everywhere he looked - lighting the way. There was one on each step, leading up to their bedroom, and also a trail leading down the hall towards the kitchen.

Axel’s quiet laugh rolled through Roxas’ body. “Relax. I’m not completely dumb. They’re LED’s. I had to come over to turn them all on and light the incense and strew the rose petals.”

“There’re rose petals?” Roxas turned around to cast an incredulous look at him.

“Yeah,” Axel laughed and smiled down at Roxas. The soft light caught all of Axel’s sharp features, and the gentle imitation flicker of the faux candles made Axel’s hair seem like a living flame as he nodded his head. “And I’ve also got a nice meal prepared for us in the slow cooker. And after dinner we go upstairs. I’ll light some actual candles and we’ll soak in the tub, loosen each other up and then we go to the bed. How’s that sound?”

Hands rubbed Roxas’ arms, causing his smile to grow. “Sounds like you’ve turned into a romantic monster. Never gonna say no to that though.” Roxas pushed onto his toes and anchored hands around Axel’s neck, pulling them into the kiss he wanted to share with Axel since the bakery. 

Axel still tasted of the scone they had shared. Roxas licked and scraped his teeth over Axel’s bottom lip as he dropped back down, ending their kiss.

“You seem hungry. Time for dinner?”

Roxas nodded. “But I’m really looking forward to dessert.”

“Me too. I need to put the cake in the fridge. Does your secret special order need refrigerating?” Axel shrugged out of his blazer and hung it on the coat rack by the door. He also took Roxas’ satchel, hanging it up as well and held onto the plastic bag containing their baked goods while Roxas pulled his hoodie off.

“No, it can sit out on the counter.” Roxas placed his hoodie on the coat rack and was happily lead off down the hall.

“Well isn’t _that_ interesting. Is it for me?”

“Yeah.”

“Would it be best if I don’t take a sneak peek at it?”

“Probably,” came Roxas’ nonchalant response. He glanced into the living room as they wandered past. Even the coffee table and bookshelves had been adorned with tea lights.

“Okay then. I’ll try and control myself.”

“Good man.” Roxas squeezed Axel’s hand as it gently pulled him along through the doorway, into the kitchen. The smell of food hit Roxas the instant the door was opened. “Mmm, smells good, Axel.”

“I hope it tastes even better.”

“What is it?” Roxas’ eyes were drawn all around the kitchen. Even in here tea lights were everywhere. All along the island counter, where they usually sat and ate.

“I’ll tell you all about it when I serve it, okay?” Axel led Roxas off to the right towards the dining table which was hardly ever used.

“Sure.” 

A chair was pulled out for him, and Roxas sat down. The table was laden with a dining set which Roxas had never seen before. Soup bowls sat atop of dinner plates. Several rows of forks, spoons and knives were laid out. Even the napkins were folded up into origami-esque shapes. Roxas gawked.

“Where’d all this stuff come from?”

“The cupboard under the stairs. I have nice things you know, just never found a reason to use them until now,” he cooed into Roxas’ ear.

Roxas felt embarrassed… or was it excitement? Or did he feel nervous and humbled? Maybe everything all at once. “How long did it take you to fold this?” he nodded towards the napkin.

“A long, long, bloody long time. I got the hang of it eventually. Lucky for me you weren’t around last night, or I’d have been stressing about it all this morning.” Axel gave a good-natured grin and rubbed at his head.

“You shouldn’t have gone to all the trouble. We’re just gonna use the napkins. But… I don’t even want to touch it now and ruin all your hard work,” he muttered, gingerly fingering the work of art, somewhat terrified of breaking it.

“You’re worth all the effort. That’s the point of tonight, Roxas.”

“No it’s not. It’s not about me. It’s about _us_.” He glared up at Axel, feeling flustered and completely out of his depths when it came to being romantic. Axel seemed to have tonight in the bag. It made Roxas feel inadequate.

Axel leaned down and kissed him. It made Roxas’ muscles relax and the frown and pout his face had apparently drawn into, melted away.

“I know tonight is about _us_. I’m a complete sucker for you and being showy and over the top is how I know to show my love for you. You knowing that I’d happily fold a dumb napkin for you a million times over to get it just right, because you’re important to me, is the point. You knowing I’d do anything for you - that’s the point.”

Roxas looked at the napkin, and then back at Axel. “Ax… thank you.” He reached up and brushed some hair out of Axel’s face, keeping his hand there and rubbing over the spot where one of the tattoos was hiding.

Axel pulled Roxas’ hand towards his mouth and kissed the palm, before nuzzling his cheek against it. “I’ll let you wash it off soon enough.” 

Roxas stroked the side of Axel’s face. “Can hardly wait.” 

They both smiled lovingly at each other, but Roxas’ smile dropped a fraction.

“No, no, no. Before you turn all somber and start worrying that whatever you had planned for tonight couldn't possibly live up to my ridiculous in-your-face romanticism -”

Roxas huffed out in amusement. “How ever did you know?”

“I know you, Rox. We’re still working on overcoming that insecurity of yours. But don’t worry. I’ve got your cute behind covered.”

Roxas gave his predictable glare. He loved the way it made Axel smile.

“You know I’m a show-pony. And I know that you’re not. I don’t expect you to wow me with stuff like this. But I know you’re gonna blow me away with whatever it is you had Rosita and Clarence bake for you, and whatever else you were gonna do tonight. So don’t compare yourself. Don’t think too hard. Tonight’s about you and me. About _us_ being together and enjoying ourselves.”

“With a little bit more fancy decor,” Roxas added.

“Yeah.”

“Am I gonna have to help you clean everything up?”

“Of course. We’re in this together, forever.”

Roxas laughed quietly and shook his head. His heart was thumping in his throat though. “Forever,” he breathed out and nothing else bar, “I love you, Axel,” made it to his mouth.

“I love you too.”

Another kiss followed, which was interrupted by the rumbling of Axel’s stomach.

Roxas laughed. “I think it’s time for the dinner service to start.”

“Totally agree.”

* * *

 

Dinner consisted of soup and a main meal, which had indeed tasted even better than it had smelt. Axel had no limits to the praises he sang about the slow cooker Roxas had bought for Axel’s birthday, a couple of months previous.

The evening was filled with good cheer. Axel, without a second thought, demolished his napkin sculpture and encouraged Roxas to do the same. Roxas eventually did, after much coaxing and taking a photo of it so it could live on in visual history.

They also got onto the vital topic of debating whether they would ever be good enough to get onto a cooking contest show. From there their daydreams and wishful scenarios blew out of proportions, with the end result being something about serving a meal to a royal family and being bestowed knighthoods because of their cooking prowess.

That thought caused their conversation to end due to crippling laughter.

Their breaths ran ragged but eventually Axel managed to choke out, “Dessert?”

“Yeah. But besides a bath and the bed do you actually have anything planned for us to eat? No wai-”

“Yeah, I’m gonna eat _you_.” 

Axel’s predictable response made Roxas laugh. “God, you doofus.”

“Well, you shouldn’t ask things like that,” came the smirking retort, followed up with a more serious statement, “But I bought the cake for a reason. And I’m dying to see what you got for me. So we eat that stuff first and then do everything else after.”

Roxas gulped. It was crunch time. “How you wanna do this?”

“We each prepare our own thing, and sit down and eat together?”

“Kay.”

Roxas and Axel cleared the table, piling everything into the dishwasher, and then got out the dessert plates. Roxas left Axel near the sink and moved himself onto the island counter so he could unwrap and have a look at the special order Rosita and Clarence had made for him. His heart was beating too fast.

He looked at the cinnamon roll. It looked like any other, although it was perfectly round and the glazing had been done with a lot more care and attention to detail. But there - in the middle, at the apex of the roll - Roxas could make out the golden sheen of the ring he had asked to be baked into the treat.

Seeing it again elicited a strong nervous buzzing inside of Roxas. He had no doubt that Axel would be happy. No shadow of hesitation that he would accept and wear the ring with pride every day of his life. Those things weren’t the issue. It was the immensity and weight of the gesture which made Roxas quake at his very core. He had never thought it would go this far. But he was certain. He loved Axel. Would always love Axel. Never wanted to be without him.

Roxas cast a glance behind himself. He couldn’t see what Axel was doing, but the unmistakable sound of whisking was happening. It made Roxas smile. Demyx always remarked at how much Axel had never enjoyed cooking. Most of it had been left to Demyx, until Axel had met Roxas. A part of Axel liked to please and impress Roxas, but the larger part of himself just seemed to _really_ enjoy cooking. Roxas loved that part of Axel the most. The part that was passionate, driven, and self-motivated. 

Roxas had watched and tasted the way Axel’s cooking had improving by leaps and bounds over the past months. They cooked meals together, and Roxas had shown Axel a lot of things. And now it was getting to a point where Axel was beginning to teach Roxas things. It was pretty awesome.

He turned back towards the plate, picked it up and walked to the dining table, setting it down in Axel’s seat across from himself.

“Won’t be much longer, Rox.”

“Whatcha making?”

“Whipped cream.”

“Ahh. No rush. I know it takes a few minutes to get to a good consistency. I’m really impressed you didn’t just buy the instant stuff.”

Axel turned around, cradling the bowl against himself, continuing to whisk. “I do have a can of it… just in case I mess this up.”

“I thought that can was for sexy fun times.”

“Oh it serves a dual purpose. Don’t get me wrong, sweet cheeks.” Axel blew a kiss and turned around again to finish his preparations.

“You’re always thinking a few steps ahead, aren’t you, beansprout.”

“I’m much too tall to be a sprout. I’d rather _beanpole_. It rings true of my grand stature.”

“My apologies, beanpole.”

“Accepted.”

Roxas played with his dessert fork while he continued to wait, anxiety building and bubbling.

“Hey, Axel.”

“Yeah?”

“How was work?”

“Oh thanks for reminding me. I wanted to talk to you about that.”

“Yeah?”

“Mm, it went really well.” Axel cast the occasional glance towards Roxas as he was busy piping the cream. “We scored the contract that you helped design the mock website for.”

“Serious?” Roxas dropped his fork, his attention completely drawn towards Axel.

“Yeah.”

“That’s _awesome_!”

“You know what’s even _more_ awesome?”

“What?”

“I’m gonna get you a paycheck for the work you did on landing us that contract.”

“What? N- you don’t. It wasn’t -”

“Ah-ah-ah. Not gonna hear anything about this, Roxas. You worked hard. You deserve it.”

“I did it coz I love you… and it sounded interesting. … And it was good experience.”

Axel turned around, plate in hand. “And you deserve to be acknowledged for it and to get paid. It’s not like my company is a charity. Not like they can’t afford it. But if you keep insisting on not invoicing, they’re gonna keep exploiting your talents.”

“But -”

“No CV reference is worth that. Just coz you do freelance work doesn't mean you gotta work for free.” Axel came to a stand still at Roxas’ side, holding the plate aloft so Roxas couldn't see it.

“Fine,” Roxas begrudgingly conceded.

“Don’t pretend to be grumpy.”

“But I like milking you for sympathy.”

“I’ll give you whatever you want. Just ask. No milking required.” 

“A kiss.”

A big smile lit Axel’s face and he leaned down, pushing against Roxas’ lips delicately. The sound of a plate being set down drew Roxas’ attention. Axel pulled away but Roxas grabbed his shirt, preventing him from retreating to the other side of the table.

Roxas’ eyes were transfixed on the plate Axel had placed before him. The slice of carrot cake sat in the center. Beautiful whipped cream swirls adorned the top of the cake, while more cream was spread along the edge of the plate, in the shape of a loveheart. And at the bottom, where the heart came to a point, and which was closest to Roxas, lay a golden ring.

His throat dried up and his stomach felt too knotted. “Axel… wh- … .” He stopped himself right there. He knew what it was. His grip on the business shirt tightened. Roxas’s eyes tore themselves off the plate and onto Axel, where he saw a quiet and nervous smile dancing.

“Happy anniversary, Roxas.”

Eyes fell back down on the plate and the ring, and darted back up to Axel. “What’s it mean?” he croaked.

“It means whatever you want it to mean.”

“But what’s it mean to _you_?”

Not missing a beat he said, “It’s a promise. I’ll always be here for you. I love you, Roxas. You’re my everything.” Axel moved a little closer and knelt down before Roxas, looking up at him. His hands went to Roxas’ knees and slid up and down his thighs. It was loving, reassuring, and comforting. 

Axel began talking softly, “You're my downfall, you're my muse. My worst distraction, my rhythm and blues.”

The smile on Roxas’ face grew. The familiar prickling behind his eyes started. There was a tickle in his nose. “You gonna try serenading me again?”

Axel nodded and his voice shifted into a soft hum.

**♪** _I can't stop singing, it's ringing, in my head for you_  
**♪** _My head's under water_  
**♪** _But I'm breathing fine_  
**♪** _You're crazy and I'm out of my mind_

Roxas spread his legs and Axel shuffled closer. He wiped a stray tear from Roxas’ face, as it rolled down the apple of his cheek. Both smiled at each other. Roxas cupped Axel’s hand, which was still on his cheek, and leaned into it as Axel’s low, rumbling singing continued.

 **♪** _'Cause all of me_  
**♪** _Loves all of you_  
**♪** _I love your curves and all your edges_  
**♪** _All your perfect imperfections_  
**♪** _Give your all to me_  
**♪** _I give my all to you_  
**♪** _You're my end and my beginning_  
**♪** _Even when I lose I'm winning_  
**♪** _'Cause I give you all of me_  
**♪** _And you give me all of you_ **(1)**

Roxas leaned down and hushed Axel with a kiss. Axel’s hand went to the back of Roxas’ head where he scratched tenderly. They inhaled sharply against one another, kissing deep but at a leisurely pace. Roxas’ hand slid up to Axel’s shoulder, pulling them closer, before a sniffle and need for air broke them apart again.

“I think my singing _is_ working on you, Rox,” came a cheeky grin.

“No, it’s not. You just got me at a vulnerable time, that’s all.”

Axel chuckled. “Whatever you say. But don't be afraid to admit it. It’s not like I’ll stop. I’ll sing for you whether you love it, or hate it. I'm gonna serenade you well into old age.”

Roxas tried to bite his smile down. “In a grandpa voice?”

“Yesh Sonny Jim. And you'll still love it,” Axel croaked in a whistling high-pitched exaggerated way.

It made Roxas choke out a slightly sobbing laugh. He rubbed the side of Axel's face and kissed his forehead. “Yeah. I’ll still love it. I love you. I'll always love you,” he smiled.

Axel sighed happily.

Roxas’ attention returned to the ring on his plate. He picked it up and looked into pools of hopeful green.

“So what do you want to do with it?” Axel queried, eyeing the way Roxas rolled the metal band between his thumb and index finger.

The answer was simple, “I want you to put it on me.” He held out the ring. Axel plucked it daintily out of Roxas’ soft grasp and maneuvered Roxas’ left hand up off his shoulder. Fingers caressed Roxas’ palm, and thumb stroked over each digit, lovingly. 

Roxas’ gaze was glued onto Axel and the motion of his fingers. The gold of the ring caught in the luminance of the tea lights from time to time, causing Roxas’ heart to thump ever more vigorously.

Axel kissed the back of Roxas’ hand and positioned the band at the tip of his ring finger. Green and blue found each other. Delicate smiles graced their faces, as Axel slid the ring over flesh and knuckles until it was sat at the base of Roxas’ finger.

Their eyes fell onto Roxas’ hand. Axel was still stroking him. Roxas’ other hand brushed over the ring and then over Axel’s fingers, squeezing tightly. 

“It fits perfectly,” Roxas got out, sounding as breathless as he felt.

“I’d like to take all the credit for intuitively knowing the right size, but… I called your brother,” came the smiling admittance.

Roxas laughed a little, squeezed their hands together some more and left a kiss on Axel’s cheek. With a still husky voice he urged Axel on, “Having a twin comes in handy I guess. I’m shocked he was able to keep it a secret. He usually blabs about everything.”

“Oh I swore him to secrecy, on pain of death.”

“C‘mon, what did you _really_ threaten him with?”

“I was gonna flood his inbox with dick pics.”

Roxas chortled. “You goof! Go eat your dessert.”

Brows arched up a little with intrigue. “Oh yeah, completely forgot about that.” Axel raised himself, but before moving off completely, leaned in and deposited a lavish kiss on Roxas’ always ready lips. Tongue probed and was granted entry. Soft moans escaped from both of them. It felt like Roxas’ every sense was directed towards the feel of Axel against him, and the cool metal now encircling his finger.

Axel’s tongue left Roxas’ mouth moments later. Roxas smacked his lips together gently, trying to savor the remains of the man he loved. Axel’s hand reluctantly slid off Roxas’ as he pulled away and around the table, back to his seat.

Roxas was struggling with knowing where to look. He loved the way the light reflected off the ring on his finger. He longed to see Axel’s expression when he found the ring in his own dessert. He also really wanted to eat the cake. Eyes kept flickering between these three things as best they could.

“Mmm, it’s a cinnamon roll,” was Axel’s pleased exclamation.

“Yeah, and it’s special.” Roxas picked up his fork and began digging into the cake, scooping up the whipped cream as well. 

Axel looked at the baked good, carefully studying it. “How -.” He halted, and delighted joy slowly bloomed and spread across his features.

Roxas savored and reveled in that sight, smiling around a mouthful of cake.

Axel found his voice again and tore his eyes off the dessert. “What’s so special about it, Roxas?” The now broad smile seemed to settle like it could be a permanent fixture on Axel's face.

It nourished Roxas’ own smile, which somehow got bigger, despite already feeling stretched to its limits with how happy Axel’s own surprise had made him. “It’s got your favorite filling.”

“Does it?”

“Yeah, go on, eat it.”

Axel picked it up and fit a big portion of the roll into his mouth. “Mmm, tastes good. Full of… what is it?” He munched thoughtfully. “Tastes so sweet, and way more punchy than just cinnamon,” he winked.

“It’s love.”

“Ahh, that’s what I thought I could taste.” Axel continued to take bite after bite from the cinnamon roll, eating around the outside, slowly working his way into the center. He kept looking at it while he ate, smiling and casting joyful glances at Roxas.

Roxas tried to concentrate on eating the cake. “This cream’s really good. I love that vanilla essence and warmth from the rum. And you still managed to keep it really airy.”

Axel beamed with pride. “I’ll show ya how I got it to that consistency if you want.”

Roxas nodded, “Yes please.” He watched Axel fit the very last piece of cinnamon roll into his mouth. He kept the gasp inside. Axel _knew_ … had _seen_ the ring in there… _right_? Why else would he have eaten the roll in such a bizarre way? All of a sudden horror scenarios of Axel choking came to Roxas’ mind. Maybe this had been a terrible idea?

Axel just kept chewing, and when he was done he made a big show of swallowing and smiled. “Well that was delicious. Thanks Roxas.”

Roxas forced his mouth shut. “You ate… all of it?”

“Yup.” It was followed up by a toothy grin.

Roxas leaned back in his chair and scrutinized Axel from across the table for a moment or two. That smile was too broad. It was full of mischief. Roxas got up and walked around to Axel’s side. 

Sweet innocence looked up at him. Lashes fluttered. Roxas planted one hand on the back of Axel’s chair, and the other on the dining table, leaning in close, and continuing his careful observation and study of the man before him.

“Axel,” he said in a no-nonsense tone of voice.

“Yes, my sweet Cinnabun?”

“Kiss me.”

Axel smirked and obliged, delivering a small peck to the corner of Roxas’ mouth.

“Kiss me properly,” he demanded, uncertainty melting away.

Axel swiveled around, so he was face on with Roxas, and pulled him onto his lap and into a deliciously open mouthed kiss. Roxas held on to Axel, straddling him on the way-too-small dining chair. Arms anchored around slim shoulders and palms pressed against the planes of Axel's back. Something clinked against Roxas’ teeth as Axel pushed his tongue inside Roxas’ mouth.

They pulled apart and Roxas fished the ring out of his mouth, holding it aloft between the both of them.

“You think we should report Rosita to the Food Safety Authorities? That’s a complete choking hazard,” Axel grinned.

Roxas gave a smiling sigh. He slipped off Axel and wiped the ring dry on one of the now-no-longer-magnificent origami sculpted napkins.

“She’s awfully good to us. I don’t think it’d be fair. Besides, it’s not her fault this was in there,” Roxas held the ring up before Axel once more. “I made her change the main ingredient.”

Axel was all smiles. “Did you?”

“Yeah. I want you to have this ring, Axel. I… .” He faltered. Roxas had thought it over so much, even before he bought the ring about a month ago. But all his well rehearsed speeches were forgotten in this moment. 

Axel's warm palm gently stroked and rubbed against the side of Roxas’ waist. “You're doing great,” Axel reassured.

“Some days… this feels like a complete dream. Us being together. And everything working out so well. _Us_ working out so well. I feel like… ,” Roxas took a deep breath. It felt too ridiculous and embarrassing to say. 

“We're soulmates,” Axel breathed out gently.

Roxas’ insides felt like they were being squeezed together. He inhaled sharply, trying to stop his nose from running. “I'm so happy to have you in my life, Axel. You… you say the stupid things I feel.”

“My pleasure, Rox.” Axel was all soft smiles and comforting touches.

Roxas bit his lip. “I want to be a part of you. I want to give everything I have and everything I am to you. Because… you do the same for me and because we belong together. Every day. I want us to be together every day until we become geriatrics and… .” It had been building up over the months - that dull ache inside his soul - whenever he had thought of being without Axel. Roxas hated imagining it. And right now he felt too overcome. Today was too big. But Roxas tried to ignore it. He reached for Axel’s hand, which was readily held up to him. 

“I want the same, Roxas.”

Their fingers interlaced for a moment and then Roxas detangled himself, and steeled against the way his insides coiled. “Which finger you want this on?”

“Whichever one it’ll fit on.”

Roxas nervously tried the ring finger first, desperately willing it to go on smoothly. Both men watched with bated breath as it slid. Sighs of relief sounded as Roxas pushed it all the way down, with only the slightest bit of a struggle.

“Nice work, Rox,” Axel beamed, admiring the band.

“Thanks, Ax.”

The shake in Roxas’ voice seemed to draw Axel’s eyes upwards. “What’s wrong?”

“N-nothing. It’s… all just become a bit too much,” he squeaked. The sight of Axel's happy face… of their, weirdly enough, matching golden rings… the thought of loving someone so much - and to have that love be returned in equal measure - it was too immense and overwhelming.

“Come’er.” Axel gently pulled Roxas down to sit on his lap. Arms slung around one another.

“I love you so much,” Roxas muttered against Axel’s ear. He fought against the well of tears as he breathed in Axel’s delicious scent and felt familiar heat radiate and seep into his body. “I can’t believe it’s been a year. I can't believe how much things have changed, for the better. And just… I don't want it to ever end.” Roxas gave a bone crushing squeeze, which netted him a wheezing exhale from Axel and a kiss to his neck.

“Oh Rox. I love you too. This is just our beginning. We’ve still got so many years ahead of us.”

Roxas peeled off Axel a little to look at him. “Yeah, we do. And… I’m ready to move in with you now. Properly. My lease contract runs out mid next month.”

Axel’s face lit up. “Really?”

“Yeah. If you’re still cool with it -”

“Of course! I’ll help you pack and move if you wanna move in here. Or we can go apartment hunting.”

“Here’s fine. Although… maybe we _should_ move. We might find something where your mattress won’t be able to fit,” Roxas gave a weepy grin.

Axel’s mouth gaped open and he scoffed. “Ever the critic.”

“Mm-hmm.”

Axel pushed his forehead against Roxas’ and rubbed their noses together. “Today’s the best day. Thank you for the ring. And also a future ‘thank you’ for moving in with me.” Fingers massaged Roxas’ back gently.

Roxas gave a minute nod. “Thank you for being _you_ , Axel. Thank you for making my life a lot more fun, and for pushing me and supporting me.”

“Anytime.”

Both moved simultaneously, pressing lips together into a gentle kiss, which grew more passionate with each suck and nip. 

Roxas’ hands found their way to Axel's shirt and began fiddling with buttons. Axel's own attention was focused on unbuckling belts and sliding his hand past sturdy denim to cup and knead Roxas’ backside. 

Once shirt was undone Roxas swept hands across Axel's heated skin, warming his own hands and creating goosebumps wherever he touched. Their labored breathing turned into pleasurable moans and when Axel began pushing his groin against Roxas’ hip they knew it was time to pull apart.

Lips were licked and hungry glances exchanged.

A breathy question of, “Bath?” was uttered and agreed to with a small succession of quick nods, causing Roxas to get up off Axel, who was pulled up and eagerly lead upstairs.

* * *

 

The bath had been filled, the bubbles high and rose petals floated around. The scented candles had been lit, and their favorite mood music was queued up into a playlist and going on the background.

This was one of Axel's favorite foreplays. Having Roxas perched above him, sitting on his lap, straddling his sides. Cool flesh slowly warming, but still retaining its chill, compared to the water and Axel's own heat.

Axel often felt that they could stay like this forever. Slow, languid kisses and nothing but the quiet sound of the background music, the occasional splosh of water and the wet sounds of their lips and tongues lapping together.

Roxas had washed Axel’s face clean and was now happily playing with a loose lock of Axel's hair, as well as lazily tugging Axel's erection. Axel ran one hand up and down Roxas’ spine, occasionally stopping by his backside to fondle, caress and stroke. And when he felt his mostly submerged hand getting too pruney he swapped hands and stroked Roxas’ neck and face until he dried out a little.

Being together was bliss. Being like this was heavenly.

Their touching, their kissing, their fucking… it had always been great. But now it was becoming even better with experience and also getting better the longer they knew each other for.

Roxas had continued to surprise Axel with how bold and kinky he chose to be sometimes. Roxas had treated Axel on his birthday by getting them a room with a see-through bathtub. He had touched himself while Axel had watched… until he just hadn't been able to watch any longer and practically jumped in almost fully clothed so he could get his hands on Roxas.

Axel had also been taken to one of the cheaper train themed rooms where Roxas had finally sucked him off the way Axel had dreamed about for as long as he had known Roxas. It had been intense, amazing, beautiful.

“What’re you thinking about, Ax?”

He blinked, somewhat shocked at the sudden question. They had stopped kissing at some point and Axel's hand no longer moved, but simply rested on Roxas’ back.

“How lucky I am.”

It netted Axel a soft smile and a small kiss. Roxas didn’t get quite as flustered or defensive any more when Axel was being… well completely enamored with Roxas. That’s what it was. Yet despite no longer receiving strong reactions _all_ the time it didn’t make Roxas any less adorable.

“You ready to leave the bath soon?”

“Any time you want, Rox. You want to be on top tonight?”

“Not really.”

“Aww, why not?”

“Because I got no consistency. Some days I get the angle just right and can make you come but… well most of the time I just suck… and then I literally have to suck you off to make up for how much I suck.”

“If you don’t want to give me a blowjob you don’t have to. Handjobs are fine, and I can also just do it myself,” Axel tried to soothe.

Roxas had been incredibly endearing the first time they swapped positions. He had been unsure of himself, scared he was going to hurt Axel or just leave him feeling completely unsatisfied. But it hadn’t been that bad, and Axel had actually enjoyed it a lot, and it got better each time they did it. But that didn’t seem good enough for Roxas for some reason.

“That’s not the point. I’ve got no problem with doing those things. I like doing it. I like getting you off. I just -,” Roxas grumbled a little. “I wish I wasn’t so fucking bad at… fucking you.”

Axel had to laugh at that. “God sweet cheeks, don’t worry so much about it. You don’t need to be perfect. I love the feel of you inside me. Whether I come or not doesn’t matter. Sure it’s nice if I do, but the main thing is that we’re together, enjoying ourselves and each other, yeah?”

“You’re right, but… it still matters to me. And tonight’s special so it matters even more. I -,” Roxas shifted, a slight flutter of nerves, and a hundred percent adorable. “I want us to come together. And you’re really good at holding it together until the last moment.”

“Look at you being all romantic and mushy.” Axel leaned up a little, kissing pout-forming lips.

“Am not,” Roxas glared.

“Are too,” he smirked. “C’mon, let’s get to the bed and we’ll play it by ear.”

Water splashed as they got out and into the shower to rinse off. Hands roamed and washed off foam, but very slowly, continuing their foreplay.

Bathrobes were wrapped around each other and Axel picked Roxas up, carrying him to their bedroom in his arms.

“Hey Axel,” warm breath hit against his neck.

“Yeah, my precious Cinnabun?”

"Would you... ever get married again - or want to get married again? I know you talked about not liking weddings but… "

Axel inhaled sharply and gently lay Roxas down on the bed. "The truth?"

Roxas nodded. "Yeah, the truth."

He swallowed and stood there for a few moments, hands on hips, thinking about how he should word it. It was such a heavy question. One he had been asking himself a lot more lately.

The ring he got for Roxas had been… he didn’t even know why he had done that. It had felt right. And seeing Roxas’ reaction to it had been all he needed to justify his actions. 

Roxas looked up at him now with… _something_. It was love, and curiosity. Did Roxas want them to get married? Had tonight been some weird discreet proposal? It had been. But not in any _traditional_ way. It had been in their _weird_ way.

“I want to be with you, forever. I've been open with you and able to share myself with you more than anyone else in the world, Roxas. I know this - between us - that's not gonna end. Not unless you want it to. But that being said… ," Axel breathed in deep. He really hoped this was going to come out right. "I don't think I'll be the one to ask for marriage. If you asked me, of course I'd say yes. If it's what you'd want I'd jump at it in a heartbeat. But… I'm not gonna ask you. Because I… -” His tongue felt too thick in his mouth. Axel felt sick thinking he was going to say something soul crushing to Roxas on their special day. But… he had to be honest. 

“I don't want it. I'm happy living with you. I'm happy being with you, without the pomp of ceremony. If it's legal matters that need sorting out we could get a civil union so the courts will recognize us. But yeah… weddings… marriage… I think I've had my fill of that."

Roxas’ brows knit and his eyes fell. But he didn’t look upset. He seemed to simply be digesting Axel’s words. It quieted the raging thump of his heart a little.

Shining blue fixed on Axel again, and Roxas leaned up a bit, resting on his elbows. "If that’s the case then I'm never going to ask you, Axel. I think… if we do ever go down that path I want you to be the one to ask. You don’t want to force me to do stuff and I definitely don’t want to force you to do stuff either. I don't like the idea of you only saying yes to me because I asked. So… I want you to know that I can also take it or leave it. As long as I get to spend my time with you I don't care about a bit of paper. But, if you ever change your mind, if you ever do find it important and you want to tie the knot with me… You'll have to ask me. Okay?"

It brought a sad smile to Axel's face. "I guess that’s only fair. Why're you so good to me?"

"Isn't it obvious? You give amazing head and are a tragic loser when it comes to Mario Kart," he grinned up.

“So cheeky.” Axel lowered himself onto the bed, straddling Roxas’ hips. He loved touching Roxas, so he rubbed at cold cheeks, unable to resist planting a tiny kiss on smiling lips. His hands wandered down Roxas’ neck and Axel reveled in the way Roxas tilted his head back to expose more of his jugular.

Axel’s hands continued their journey down, underneath folds of the bathrobe where he stroked soft skin. 

Roxas scooched back so his legs no longer dangled off the bed and Axel followed along, unwrapped Roxas from his fluffy fabric prison and laying him completely bare. Axel loved the sight. He loved that Roxas let him undress, fondle and fuck him, and only him. Axel had worked hard for this privilege and he never wanted to do anything to undermine it.

Roxas worked his arms out of sleeves and then rolled them both over so he could also disrobe Axel and run his hands all over warm body. As Axel sat up to free his arms they met for a kiss. It grew from a lick of flame into an intensely heated blaze.

Laying on their sides, facing each other and still kissing, hands found their way onto each other's growing erections, where they pumped and teased one another gently. Hair was rubbed, heads and muscles massaged. Suppressed moans leaked out of throats and into each others mouths.

Axel started to shift onto his hands and knees, leaving Roxas’ erection for a moment. Their reddened and slightly bruised mouths came apart and Axel quickly shuffled to the edge of the bed where they had built and mounted a headboard of sorts. It was to give Roxas some peace of mind. It also made pretty good shelving space for their lubricants, condoms, wet wipes, tissues and growing collection of sex toys.

He grabbed a bottle of lube and made his way back to Roxas, uncapping the bottle in the process and squirting some onto his hand.

“Gimmie,” Roxas reached out eagerly and Axel filled Roxas’ hand with a generous amount.

Bottle was discarded but kept close at hand and stroking of erections and kissing resumed.

Roxas was the first to track his fingers down to Axel's sphincter. He brushed carefully, spreading the lubricant and teasing Axel. 

It made Axel groan in the back of his throat and gruff with desire words spilled out, “I thought you didn't wanna be on top tonight.”

“Still don't wanna. But - wanna make you feel good too.” Roxas recaptured Axel's mouth for more hungry and deep kisses.

Axel's hand blindly groped for the lubricant and when he found it he liberally applied more to both their hands. Fingers probed and pushed. Axel breathed deep against the intrusion, willing himself to relax.

His own exploration of Roxas was easier as he took him more often than the other way around. They pushed and rubbed against each other as their fingers continued to caress and stretch. Roxas was mimicking Axel’s movements, which got him suspicious. He abandoned Roxas’ mouth for a moment and gave his precious cinnabun a stern look. 

“You sure you don’t wanna be on top? Coz kinda feels like you do.” He pushed back against Roxas’ fingers and received a cheeky grin.

“What’re you gonna do?”

“Lemmie get up.” 

Axel moved, pulling his fingers out and feeling Roxas do the same. Roxas wriggled out from under Axel and took his attractive backside over to the headboard. He came back with some condoms and also the butt plug he had gotten for Axel’s birthday last month.

“Can I put this in you while you’re in me?”

Axel’s desire roared inside his gut and down his shaft. He purred and flung himself on top of Roxas, assaulting him with kisses while Roxas just giggled.

“Of course we can do that,” Axel enthused. 

They rolled on their condoms, and Roxas lubed up the toy while Axel fixed himself up so he could ride Roxas as smoothly as possible. When they were both ready Roxas pushed the toy into Axel at his request. It made Axel shiver with pleasure. The girth and length of it was more akin to Roxas’ dimensions and felt quite satisfying sitting quite deep inside of Axel and comfortably pressing against his prostate.

Axel looked forward to finding out what it would be like to feel full in the back while he was also pleasuring himself inside of Roxas.

Come-hither eyes beckoned Axel and he descended onto Roxas, pushing gently against his entrance. Roxas’ arms were around him, drawing him closer. Axel slid into glorious compact tightness.

They both moaned with satisfaction. Axel could feel himself clenching against the toy inside his arse, intensifying his pleasure.

“Oh fuck, Rox,” he groaned. And then a jolt of pleasure hit him as Roxas had apparently turned on the vibrate function with the remote control. Axel’s head slumped into the crook of Roxas’ neck and he stayed there a moment, just breathing.

“That good?” Roxas mumbled into Axel’s hair.

Axel nodded. “Gimmie… a moment.”

“You want me to turn the setting up?”

It was a continuous low buzzing sensation. Axel rocked his hips moving in and out of Roxas a little to test his ability to handle this new combination of amazing sensations. It still felt incredible.

He left a sloppy kiss on Roxas’ neck and pushed their foreheads together. “Think I’ll be okay. Just - warn me if you change the dial, yeah?” he labored as he began building up his momentum of thrusting into Roxas.

“Mmhmm. Warning.” Roxas turned the dial up and Axel clenched against it, halting his movements again.

Roxas chuckled and Axel managed a glare after he was able to pry his eyes open again. “So. Fucking. Cheeky.” Axel pulled out almost completely and then rammed into Roxas, making him moan and tilt his head back a little.

Axel raked his teeth down an elegantly positioned neck. Roxas arched against Axel's every push and pull. His legs wrapped around Axel's waist and cold foot rubbed his backside with as much dexterity as a foot could manage.

Roxas occasionally brushed up against the hilt of the butt plug. And as Axel ground his pelvis against Roxas harder every time that happened Roxas seemed to do it more often.

They gasped and skin, hair and air grew heavy and moist. Sweat rolled, and even though Axel wanted to stay like this forever he knew he couldn't.

His penis felt too good. The rush was building up as the vibration against his prostate, and magnificent squeeze around his shaft continued to intensify.

“Rox,” he rasped, voice sticking in his throat.

Roxas’ only response was a breathy hum and a quiet squeak.

Axel slowed his pace somewhat. “I want-.” He continued rolling his hips, not completely sure if he _did_ want to do anything to stop the incredible feeling.

“Mm?” Roxas queried, drawing arm off his eyes to give Axel a glazed over look of mild interest.

“Can I - can you fuck me? Please?” he got out while his head sunk down, forehead sinking into the mattress, right next to Roxas’ head. He just kept pushing in and out though. Slow and methodical. Edging ever closer as Roxas’ insides gripped him.

“Ax - we - I can't. I - suck.”

Axel swallowed hard, trying to breathe some calm into his pulsing cock. “You'll - be great… So close. Just - want you… inside. _Please_?”

Silence followed, if the wet slapping of bodies counted as silence. Roxas gave a hefty groan and an, “A’ight,” but Axel had a difficult time getting himself to stop. He pumped a few more times, increasing his speed again, getting lost in the sinfully good feeling he got from being inside Roxas.

But he pulled out. He pressed his face against Roxas’ heaving chest and tried to get his own breathing under control. But it was difficult. “Babe, turn it off.”

“Oh.”

The buzzing in Axel’s backside stopped and he kissed and scraped teeth against one of Roxas’ nipples in appreciation.

“Get off,” came the exhausted mutterings from Roxas and cool hands palming at Axel. 

He rolled off and stared up at the ceiling while Roxas made motions beside him to get up. Gorgeous blue eyes appeared in front of him. Sweat beaded off both of them and Roxas’ cheeks were ruddy with heated pleasure. 

Roxas got out a gentle smile past his deep breaths, but then turned to a wicked grin as he turned the vibration function on again. Axel squirmed and tensed for a moment before it turned off again. He bemoaned Roxas’ action and tried his hardest to glare. 

It got a laugh out of Roxas and then Axel felt less full as the toy was pulled out and discarded. 

“Did it feel good?” Roxas breathed as he moved Axel’s legs to get more space.

“Yeah. Not gonna have a problem coming. So fucking -,” Axel’s eyes squeezed shut as he moaned and hissed when Roxas pushed a finger into him and stroked. “Sensitive,” he grit. 

Fingers left again and cool hands tapped at hips.

Before he flipped over though Axel just had to ask, “Rox, you wanna try it too?”

He looked thoughtful for a moment. Eyes switching between Axel and their headboard. “Yeah, okay.” Roxas shuffled off to grab his butt plug. Axel took the opportunity to roll over and change to a fresh condom. 

Roxas applied lubricant to his toy and Axel hungrily watched as he inserted it into himself. Roxas’ face always twitched with the slight discomfort but then beautiful contentment and joy washed over him when it sat comfortable. Axel loved seeing that shift. It’s why he loved having sex with him face to face. That and the kissing and biting and licking.

But when Roxas took him it was a slightly different matter. They had tried different positions. As much as Axel regretted not being able to look at Roxas while being taken from behind it was just a better position for Roxas. He found the angle to hit Axel’s nerves a lot easier and with more consistency. 

So that’s how they did it most days when Roxas wanted to be doing the fucking.

Axel tucked elbows underneath, propping himself up a little and raised hips slightly when he felt Roxas position himself between his legs. Hands ran up Axel’s sides making him shiver. A remote was lain next to him, which Axel took before casting a glance over his shoulder.

Roxas nudged his hips forward, pushing his erection against Axel’s sphincter. They smiled at each other. Axel breathed deep and with a tilt forward and a kiss to his upper back Roxas pushed inside of Axel.

Both men sighed. Axel squeezed his muscles, giving Roxas a welcome hug. He felt cheeks against his back twitch as Roxas smiled fondly.

“C’mon, sweet cheeks,” Axel crooned and flicked the remote on.

Roxas twitched inside of Axel, which brought a smile to his face. He pushed his hips back a little to try and get Roxas going. Which it did. Roxas left a kiss between shoulder blades and then began pushing in and out of Axel.

“So good. So _fucking_ good, Rox,” Axel mumbled his words of encouragement, genuinely loving the feel of Roxas inside him. He balled his hands into fists, and flicking the remote to a higher setting.

Roxas groaned and pumped with more ferocity, pushing deeper into Axel. Fingernails scraped down back and sides, making Axel gasp and moan.

Roxas repositioned marginally to be more upright and pulled Axel’s hips towards himself a little. Satisfaction sounded out of them both as Roxas found the right angle. 

Before Axel’s mind went completely blank he changed the vibration setting of Roxas’ butt plug to their favorite one. Roxas’ hands clamped over Axel’s hips like vices and slammed into Axel in the most fulfilling way imaginable.

Axel lost himself to the feel of Roxas and gave in to his bodies wish to release. He groaned as electric energy shot through him, tensing everything. Somewhere in the background of the ringing in Axel’s ears he heard Roxas cry out his name and fingers dig even harder into his hips.

Rolling of hips slowly abated, though Roxas still gently rocked into Axel with each pulse of his orgasm washing through him. He squeaked Axel’s name pleadingly, accompanied by a ‘ _Stop_ ’.

When it did finally register in Axel’s post-climax brain his fingers twitched and he turned the remote off. With that action Roxas slumped forward, sprawling on top of Axel, which pressed him back down flush against the mattress.

They both lay there, panting laboriously and soaked in sweat. Ripples of his full body climax continued to sweep through Axel, making him tense and shudder from time to time. He could feel Roxas also tensing occasionally, which made him smile. After an indeterminable length of time passed Axel pulled his hands out from under him and turned onto his side, sliding Roxas off his back and more into his lap and against his chest.

Roxas’ eyes were closed. Tear tracks stained his beautiful face and his breathing was still deep and erratic. Roxas usually teared up when he came from anal. An involuntary reaction to feeling amazing. Axel found it incredibly adorable. He pushed matted hair out of Roxas’ face and gently blew on him to help dry his face. 

Eyes fluttered open and a contented sigh flowed out of Roxas and lips quirked up into a smile. “You came,” he breathed, hardly above a whisper.

“And so did you.” He kissed Roxas’ damp hair and pulled rapidly cooling body close against himself, wanting to keep Roxas warm.

After a few quiet minutes, energy seemed to return to Roxas. His fingers pressed into Axel with some strength and his breathing evened out and deepened into a rhythmic calm. Strength also returned to Roxas’ voice as he began speaking, “This is the best anniversary I’ve ever had.” 

“Same. But this means we’re gonna have to up the ante next year.”

Roxas frowned a little and Axel could sense the gears in his head churning for a moment. “I think that’s dangerous, Axel. We can’t keep raising the bar.”

“Why not?”

“Well… where’s it gonna end? If we keep trying to outdo the previous year then…”

“It’s gonna end with us having sex on the moon. When we get there we can start again from the beginning.”

Roxas chortled. “All right then. Unrealistic dreams are better than no dreams, I guess.”

“Oh you don’t believe that by the time we are old and wrinkled there’ll be some charted space flights to the moon?”

“Not really.”

“You’re such a downer. Well I bet you that there will be.”

“What’re we putting on the line here?”

“I get to make you a cream filled Cinnabun. By the time we get that old it’s not gonna matter anyway.”

“Fine. I’ll make you into a cream filled carrot cake if there’s no space flight by the time you reach ninety.”

“Deal.” 

They sealed it with a kiss and pulled apart grinning at each other.

“I’ll start planning for next year then. You got any ideas brewing?” Axel inquired.

“Next year’s too far. I’m thinking more about the coming weekend.”

“Yeah? What’ve you got in mind?”

“Well you’re gonna help me move -”

“Of course.”

“And then we get busy -”

Axel chuckled, slid his hand down Roxas’ body and gently tickled his testes.

Roxas squeaked, shooed Axel’s hand away and smiled. “Yeah, like _that_ but also in other ways, doofus.”

“What other ways, mmm?”

He shrugged, but also confidently stated, “Living the rest of our lives together.”

“Forever?”

“Forever,” Roxas promised with a tired, yet contented smile.

Axel pulled him even closer, and muffled against Roxas’ hair, “You’re the love of my life.”

“And you’re mine.” Roxas snuggled down against Axel, pressing his face to his chest.

This was bliss for Axel. He rubbed his cheek against the top of Roxas’ head. “Let’s clean up and go to sleep.”

Roxas gave a weak nod and hummed sleepily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **(1)** \- Song Credit - _[All of Me](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mk7-GRWq7wA)_ \- by **John Legend**


	24. Old Wounds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The past comes back to haunt Axel. Roxas tries his best to support him through it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this was supposed to be the penultimate chapter for the fic, but it is way too long, so I've split it into three separate chapters instead. I should have done the same with chapter 22 but I can't go back now and fix that up, alas.

Roxas woke up the next morning feeling… different, for lack of a better word. They were still the same, but with perhaps more smiles and even more affections on this particular morning than previous ones. It’s like the knowledge of what they had done last night - and the evidence of it sparkling on their ring fingers - somehow cemented and fortified their love for one another. It made what they had more real. And not just for themselves, but also for others.

A fact Roxas would discover as he dragged himself into work that morning.

Roxas hadn't thought about how his acquaintances at work would react to him coming in. He felt ignored on most days of the year, so to be fair he hadn't expected anyone to care or even notice a piece of jewelry on his finger. But there had definitely been a buzz around him and some overly curious souls, mainly the office busy-bodies, ventured deep into Roxas’ cubicle to get the details.

Axel had warned him about this behaviour, but Roxas had thought him crazy. Boy, had he been wrong. He'd have to apologize and endure the relentless teasing that was bound to come his way when he got home. But despite all that Roxas was also looking forward to it. He always looked forward to being reunited with Axel.

Roxas hadn't been able to properly explain that this wasn't an engagement ring… because he largely felt that it _was_ indeed such a thing. For what are rings but to state that you belonged to someone else? 

They had promised each other. It had basically been their informal wedding vows. So no wonder no one at work had believed him when he had tried to use every word other than ‘engagement’ and ‘wedding’. The whole thing had probably looked even more suspicious since Roxas still had the flowers that Axel had given him yesterday, proudly standing on his desk.

When Roxas had been back in Axel's arms that night Axel had much the same story to tell. But Axel possessed no qualms about spreading his news that he was in a relationship with a man. But for Roxas… he felt like his workplace wasn’t safe enough to divulge such things. Nor did he feel like there was a reason to, since he wasn’t especially close to anyone there.

The hullabaloo eventually _did_ die down. Even though some of the office gossip champions still tried to get something concrete out of Roxas once in a while. Like not talking about it, and then suddenly bringing it up in conversation, would somehow trip him up and cause a confession to burble forth. Roxas saw through their shit though, and started getting used to it. With some coaching, soliloquies and ridiculous leaps of logic - all disguised as ‘help’ - from Axel, Roxas did develop some brilliant strategies for side-stepping certain conversations at work, or completely deviating onto other topics.

Days bled into weeks. They fell into a nice routine, especially after Roxas was completely moved in with Axel. They were comfortable and not too many things happened which caused upset.

But one lazy weekend afternoon a silent storm blew into their blissful lives.

Axel was away at a marketing conference for work this particular weekend. It had been a bit of a bummer, as Roxas had been looking forward to watching Axel give him another ridiculous lesson in something equally ridiculous, but still oddly applicable and useful. Roxas really enjoyed it when Axel got out the standing whiteboard and attempted to make sensible looking pie-charts and graphs out of his nonsense observations and half-baked ideas. But he would be back by Sunday evening so Roxas just went on with working on some freelance projects while he had some quiet time to himself.

They had turned Demyx’s old room into a study, where Roxas could lock himself away and work in peace. He had a better computer desk with more room to spread out his paperwork. There was a bookcase filled with reference materials, and Roxas’ sofa stood at one end of the room. Axel loved to lounge and snooze on it when Roxas was heavily engrossed in the creative process, and Roxas loved having Axel’s quiet presence around him while he worked. 

He was currently absorbed in reviewing various thumbnail sketches, trying to decide on a design to start with, when the ringing of the doorbell alerted him to the existence of the world beyond the studys’ walls. They didn’t get many visitors, especially when Axel was out of town, so it really surprised him. Roxas rolled out from under his desk and wandered towards the hallway. He bounded down the stairs, half hoping it would be Axel, come home early from the conference, and wanting to surprise him. But realistically he expected to find Demyx and Zexion on the other side of the door.

He unlocked and swung it open, throwing out a greeting which broke in half, “He-y -. Ah, how can I help you?”

Roxas was face-to-face with a woman who was a lot closer to Axel’s height than his own. She had long brunette hair which fell over her shoulders. Vibrant warm brown eyes looked back at him, slightly wide. A nervous hand brushed hair behind ears, and lips twitched into a smile. “Hello, I’m wondering if Axel is in,” came a soft voice.

“No, sorry. He won’t be back until tomorrow evening.”

“Oh. Um… okay.”

“Anything I can tell him when he comes back? A name?” Roxas fished.

A look of discomfort flashed over her features, but was gone just as quick as it had arrived. “Could you just… give this to him?” She handed Roxas a square red envelope, which she had been holding.

Roxas took it and examined it. The paper shimmered in the sunlight. There was nothing written on it and it was glued shut. 

“Uh, yeah okay. Anything else?”

“Yes, actually.” She rummaged through an expensive-looking oversized handbag. “I wrote him a letter, in case he wasn’t in,” she uttered quietly and produced another envelope.

Roxas’ stomach tensed instantaneously. He tentatively took the white envelope. Axel’s name was written on it in cursive, green ink.

“Could you make sure he reads it first… before opening the other envelope?” 

Roxas felt like he was betraying Axel in some way. He felt like he should have slammed the door shut and left the invite and letter lying on the ground. But he didn’t. Instead he spoke rather hoarsley, “I’ll try.”

“Thank you.” With that she turned to leave but stopped abruptly. Still facing away she asked, “Is he happy?”

“He is,” and Roxas was relieved that he could say that with 100% certainty.

Petite shoulders heaved a little and a small, “I’m glad,” drifted to Roxas’ ears before she stepped off the landing and left, heading back out into the street.

His mind drew blanks, yet his eyes followed, mesmerized. When she was finally out of sight he closed the door behind himself and leaned against it for a solid five minutes, processing. The numbness faded and his head started to race. Roxas didn’t want to jump the gun and assume… but it was incredibly difficult not to. He had his strong suspicions that he knew _exactly_ who that had been at his front door.

The envelopes in hand began feeling like a tonne of guilt, shame and pain. Roxas didn’t know for whom though. For her? For Axel? For Roxas? What would it mean for the two of them? What was inside? Should Roxas open it? He wanted to. Oh God how he _wanted_ to. But he wasn’t going to. Snooping in each others business had caused far too much trouble and pain. He would trust Axel to tell him about everything in good time.

So he marched himself into the kitchen and deposited the envelopes on the island counter, where they always left all the mail to be looked at and sorted.

He grabbed a pear from the fruit bowl sitting on the bench, and ate it in an attempt to quell the millions of thoughts still racing through his skull. Should he call Axel? Should he wait until Axel inevitably called him this evening and tell him? If Axel knew though it would ruin his weekend. It would stress him out and he’d get no work done. Roxas wasn’t about to be responsible for something like that.

When he was done with the fruit he cleaned up and left. But the envelopes continued to burn a hole into his mind for the remainder of that day, and well into the next.

He kept busy as best he could that Sunday, and when curiosity welled up too much he called Ventus for distraction, and to gossip about all the ridiculous things the envelopes could contain. The hours were effectively whiled away like that and eventually it was time to prepare dinner. 

Roxas planned on making Axel’s favorite non-dessert dish. He wanted to be sure he had something to cheer Axel up with, because he felt certain that whatever those envelopes contained wouldn’t make Axel very happy.

He had only just started heating up the pan when there was the sound of keys and a door being opened and shut. Roxas’ heart lept to his throat in elation, and then slumped a bit in dread.

“Axel! You’re home early,” he shouted and glanced at the glowing oven-clock.

Thunderous footfalls sounded as Axel sprinted down the hallway and barged into the kitchen, wearing a devilish smirk. When eyes met, Roxas stepped well away from the stove. Axel raced around the island counter and lifted Roxas, who found a hold behind Axel's neck.

Kisses rained onto Roxas’ face. They spun around once and then Roxas was deposited back to the floor.

“Miss me, did you?” Roxas practically sang.

“Never,” Axel said, wearing a smile almost too big for his face.

“Oh good. I didn't miss you either,” Roxas grinned. He tiptoed and stretched up to share in a warm hug and kiss.

Axel hummed into Roxas’ mouth with pleasure and released him.

“Go get changed and unpacked while I make dinner.”

Axel sniffed the air. “Smells good. What you making?”

“I haven't even started, you goof.”

“Ah, must be smelling a sweet cinnamon roll then,” Axel chuckled. He kissed Roxas once more with some hunger behind it, but detangled himself and headed back towards the hallway.

Roxas went back to prepping the meal and to mull over his anxious thoughts. He wasn't sure whether to tell Axel before or after dinner, though he had a feeling that after might be better. At least they would be able to have a good time together, and Axel might take whatever news the envelopes held a little better on a full stomach.

But it wasn't too be. When Axel came back down, dressed in a worn-out black band shirt and Roxas’ favorite skinny jeans, he stopped by the island counter and looked at the envelopes.

“We got mail on a weekend?”

“Yeah. How was the conference?”

“Great food as always. Got to catch up with s-ome - peo… ple… .”

Roxas’ insides clenched and he ventured a look towards Axel. He saw him holding the white envelope, flipping it over repeatedly. 

Green eyes narrowed and suddenly shot up to glare at Roxas.

It threw Roxas off kilter and he jumped a little, feeling unease begin to broil inside his stomach.

“You didn't invite her in did you?” The underlying current of anger was unmissable in Axel’s sharp and all-too-quiet words.

Roxas stopped chopping up ingredients and turned to face Axel. “No. We talked at the front door.”

Shoulders relaxed a little and eyes wandered before returning to Roxas, a little kinder this time around. “What did she say?”

“She wanted you to open the white envelope first.” Roxas nodded towards it.

Axel’s jaw clenched and he did the complete opposite. It made Roxas sigh. He turned back to the chopping board and scraped the ingredients into the pan with the bubbling marinara sauce, stirring it all together.

The sound of paper tearing filled the kitchen. Roxas threw tentative glances over his shoulder towards Axel. 

He was holding up a fancy looking piece of card, reading whatever was printed on it. His face tightened, his nostrils flared. His hand slapped on the island counter and Axel stormed off, carrying the white envelope as well as the card, slamming the door shut behind him as he left the kitchen.

Roxas chewed on his lip, feeling uncomfortable heaviness inside his gut. It had been Tamara after all. Even though he wanted to go and comfort Axel he knew better than to try. When Axel was angry he needed space to calm down, so Roxas focused on simmering the sauce and getting the pasta boiled.

Not long after Axel had stormed out Roxas heard an outraged scream and a loud thump. It made his heart race. It pained him to know Axel was suffering. It made him sick that he couldn’t do anything to make it better. And it also upset Roxas that he was feeling kind of scared for himself right now. He was pretty sure Axel wouldn’t lash out at him, but he wasn’t going to risk it either by doing anything to annoy Axel further.

He did yell out though, needing to check that Axel was still alive. “Axel, you okay?”

A beat of silence and then a, “Yeah,” sounded.

It unknotted Roxas’ gut a little. He sounded less heated. “Did you break anything?” he inquired loudly.

A longer pause followed this time. “No,” came the somewhat chastened sounding shout back.

Roxas breathed out a smile.

After that uproar silence fell and there were no more temper tantrums from the living room.

Roxas called out for Axel to come have dinner when it was done. But he didn’t show up. Roxas grabbed the plate and fork and walked it into the living room. The space was silent and Roxas approached the corner, carefully looking out around it like he had done when Ventus had been sitting on the couch over half a year ago. 

The coffee table had moved, and everything that had been on it previously lay scattered on the floor. Axel sat on the couch, cradling his head in his hands. Paper and the card were at his feet.

Roxas approached quietly. He pulled the coffee table closer towards the couch and put the plate on it. The motion didn’t draw any reaction out of Axel.

Roxas sat down next to him and gingerly rubbed his back. “I made your favorite.”

Silence.

“You're not mad at me, are you?”

Axel shook his head with great force and a barely audible mutter of, “Never mad at you,” followed.

Tension drained out of Roxas’ shoulders and he exhaled softly. “All right then. Eat the food, okay?”

Axel gave a weak nod.

Roxas chewed on his lip some more. He wanted to make it better somehow. He couldn’t stand seeing Axel this way. Eyes cast down onto the carpet and fell on the papers at Axel’s feet. There was a handwritten letter in a scrawl difficult to decipher from a distance. And also the card which Roxas had seen before. It looked like a wedding invite with Tamara and Saïx’s names on it.

His insides squeezed some more. He sighed and gave Axel another, hopefully comforting rub and got up, walking back into the kitchen to eat his meal and give Axel more space.

When Roxas was done and came back out to check on Axel, he found him much in the same position as before. But the coffee table was slightly neater - the invite and letter where on top of it - and dinner had been half eaten. Roxas went to take the plate but Axel’s hand shot out, stilling Roxas gently. 

Axel still had his head buried in his one hand and didn’t look up at Roxas. “Leave it, Rox. I’ll finish it and wash up,” came his fragile and exhausted sounding voice.

“You gonna be okay, Ax? Wanna talk about it?” He sat down and Axel’s hand returned to cradling his head, which he shook lightly.

Roxas pressed himself against Axel’s side and gave him a hug. Axel felt rigid and surprisingly cold. It made it difficult for Roxas to swallow and his stomach felt like it was on the high seas. He left a few kisses in red hair, wishing he could make it better. But all Axel did was grow more tense against Roxas’ affectionate touches, and a low mutter of, “Can you… just leave me alone for a while?” came out.

Roxas let go. His heart felt like breaking, but trying to be as supportive as possible said, “Okay, Axel. I’ll be upstairs if you need me.” With a weary heaviness in his chest he got back up but stopped short of walking away when he heard a small, “I love you, Rox.”

It made him smile, and melted some of the deeply knotted upset in his chest. He rubbed Axel’s hair, bent down and left another kiss on his crown. “I love you too,” and with that wandered up the stairs and into the study.

* * *

 

Roxas attempted to do some work, but ended up spinning around in his chair, seeing how fast he could go before he felt like throwing up. When the answer to that was - ‘apparently not very fast’ - he gave up and called his brother.

“So turns out that chick was in fact Tamara, and the stuff she gave me was a wedding invite and some kinda letter.”

_“How’d Axel take it?”_

“He screamed a bit, and abused the coffee table and has been sulking on the couch since he got home.”

_“Poor guy.”_

“Yeah. I’ve never seen him like this. He usually grumbles but always wants me close. He… he actually wanted to be left alone.” That notion still made discomfort coil in the very pit of his stomach. “I’m worried, Ven.”

_“Worried about what?”_

“About him. I wish I’d have thrown the damn envelopes out.”

_“But it’s not your place to decide what to do with other people's things.”_

“Yeah, I know. I can still wish though, right?”

_“Yeah, ‘course.”_

“Why do you think they would invite him to their wedding?”

_“Let bygones be bygones?”_

“I guess.”

_“Don’t sound so miserable.”_

“Can’t help it. I want him to feel better. I cooked him his favorite food. I gave him a hug. He’s got me. I don’t know why he has to take it so hard.”

_“Old wounds hurt the most. Especially when you think you’ve dealt with them but haven’t really.”_

“Look at you, getting all wise in your old age.”

They both laughed.

_“About time you acknowledged my wisdom.”_

“I’ll make you a certificate, so you have proof.”

_“Awesome! I’ll hang it on my office wall and point at it whenever anyone gives me a doubtful look.”_

“Bet you get a bunch of those,” Roxas laughed, but abruptly stilled when he heard a knock on the door.

“Hang on Ven -. Yeah Axel? Everything all right?”

The door opened slightly but Roxas caught no sight of Axel. Only his voice drifted through the opening, sounding thin, “Could you come to bed with me, Rox?”

The request made Roxas’ chest ache and his eyes sting, but a small flutter of elation also sprang to life. “Yeah. I’ll be there in a minute.”

“Thanks.” The door closed softly and Roxas listened to the footsteps fade away.

_“Everything okay over there?”_

Roxas breathed out a sigh of relief. “Yeah. I think it’s getting better. Axel asked me to come to bed.”

_“Oo-la-la!,”_ Ventus sang.

“Not like that, doofus. -At least, I’m pretty sure it’s not like that,” he muttered more to himself.

_“Maybe it will be if he needs cheering up.”_

Roxas shrugged and hummed with uncertainty. “I’ll call you another time, Ven.”

_“Good night, Rox!”_

“Night!”

They hung up and Roxas busied himself shutting down all the programs he had opened and then lastly turning his computer off. Walking out he found the hallway beyond the study to be quiet and dark. All the lights were off downstairs and not even a light shone through the crack of their bedroom door.

Tonight really _wasn’t_ going to go _that_ way.

His eyes adjusted quickly enough to the gloom of the dark interior. He gave a soft knock on their door and let himself in. Roxas padded over to their bed where he could make out pale legs and an Axel-shaped lump curled up on it’s side in the middle of the mattress.

He stopped just short of the bed and also undid and took his jeans off, as it would be much more comfortable. He then clambered onto the bed and crawled over the top of Axel.

“Package delivery. Did anyone order a cinnamon roll?”

Axel huffed, unfolding himself and grabbed for Roxas, pulling him down and close to a thankfully now warmer body. Axel’s legs snaked around and trapped Roxas against the mattress. He buried his face into Roxas’ chest and they just breathed quietly, while Roxas tried to give reassuring pats on back, and soft rubs and scratches to Axel’s scalp.

Axel started shaking lightly after a few moments. It brought a smile to Roxas’ face. But it quickly fell. It wasn’t that Axel was laughing - No. 

Sounds which Roxas had never heard before drifted up. They were sobs and whines, seeping out of deep and old wounds. Fingers curled tightly around Roxas’ shirt, gripping and pulling him as close as possible. Roxas squeezed Axel back as much as he could without hurting him. 

Roxas wasn’t sure how long they stayed like that. It was hard for him to witness Axel’s terrible pain but he held Axel firm. He uttered some hopefully soothing words from time to time - telling him that things would be all right - that Roxas was there for him, always. 

“Fuck,” Axel eventually got out when his sobs died down. “Why does it hurt so much? I thought I was over it. Over them,” he said with a whine, which reverberated and caused an ache in Roxas’ soul.

“Ven thinks it's coz you haven't dealt with it,” he suggested gently.

“I've moved on. My life is good. I have you.” Axel squeezed Roxas briefly, using his entire body.

Roxas thought for a bit, running fingers through red strands. “But it still hurts.”

“Yeah,” Axel squeaked.

“What hurts the most about it?”

Axel groaned a bit and rubbed his face against Roxas’ now soaked shirt.

“What is it?”

A pained breath sounded. “They want me at their wedding. Those fucking dicks are getting married… in the same month that -.” Another grumbling growl sounded from him. “February was always her favorite.”

“You think they’re doing it to spite you?”

“Wouldn't put it past ‘em,” he muffled against Roxas’ chest.

“Really? I mean… I didn't talk much to her but… she seemed to want to know you were doing okay. Is that something someone spiteful would do?” Roxas queried gently. 

Axel dug his nose harder into Roxas’ chest and tightened his grip. “Why do they deserve to be happy? They should be fucking miserable for the rest of their lives.”

“So you're the spiteful one, huh?” Roxas pressed a kiss to the top of Axel's head.

“So what if I am?” came the beginnings of a snarl.

“It's not right what they did to you but I don't think anybody deserves to be miserable forever. Would you deserve a fate like that?”

“I don't know. Maybe? I'm a pretty shit guy. Still don't feel like I deserve you,” Axel slowly muttered against Roxas.

It made him frown to hear Axel talk like that. “Don’t be like that. Of course you wouldn’t deserve it. I don't think you're shit. I also don't think I'm all that great. But I think we’re great together. And we worked hard to fix things between us and to become better. And maybe they deserve a chance to fix things between you and them?”

“But I should be the one who decides when to give them that chance. How dare she fucking waltz into my life and… and throw this at me. If I don't turn up I'm gonna be the bad guy. I'm gonna be the one who's immature and… _spiteful_. But I'm the one they fucking hurt.” Axel's words carried a sharpness to them. His fingers dug into Roxas a little harder.

Roxas continued to stroke and rub Axel as they lay together and snuggled. “But by holding on to this shit you're hurting yourself, don’t you think? Do you wanna keep holding on to the past? Do you like feeling this way?” he asked quietly.

Axel peeled off Roxas, sat up, and glared down at him. Even in the gloom Roxas could see the glassiness of Axel's eyes and the way his skin had become puffy.

“Of course I don't,” he growled.

Roxas sat up as well. “Then maybe you should give them a chance. You could be the bigger man and graciously give them what they want and also sort out your own shit?”

“I don't want to give them anything,” he spat.

“Fine. Hold on to the hate then. It's done us so much good in the past, hasn't it,” Roxas threw back derisively, crossing arms over his chest.

Axel visibly swallowed and his eyes fell. Tight grip was around Roxas once again and Axel buried his head into the crook of Roxas’ neck. “I'm sorry,” came the apologetic whimper.

It softened Roxas and he left kisses in hair. “It's okay,” he murmured and wrapped his arms around Axel.

“It… I feel like they're taunting me. Rubbing it in my face, Rox.”

“Why would they, after all these years?”

“Coz they know it hurts and they never cared about how I felt.”

“You're being melodramatic.”

“I'm not,” Axel whined, a fresh bout of tears starting.

Roxas shifted and lifted himself out of Axel's clutches, which seemed to grow more desperate when Axel realized Roxas was moving.

“Don't go. I'm sorry.”

“I'll be right back.” He kissed hot forehead and shuffled over to the headboard, grabbing their big box of tissues. Roxas returned in a matter of seconds, knelt beside Axel and wiped his face dry. Axel grabbed a couple extra tissues and blew his nose like he was an elephant. It made Roxas giggle.

“You're really cute when you're being so pathetic.”

“Shut up,” Axel pouted and sulked.

“Will a kiss make it better?”

Axel nodded and Roxas placed a light peck on still-somewhat-quavering lips.

“Better?”

“You make everything better.”

Roxas grinned and rubbed at Axel affectionately. “So what do you wanna do about this?”

“Hire a biker gang to go crash their wedding.”

“Axel.”

“What?”

Roxas frowned. “Again, you like feeling this way?”

“No.”

“Wouldn’t it be good to try and make peace so you can move on?”

Axel stayed silent and gazed at the bedsheets. Roxas took Axel’s left hand with his own, and sat with him quietly for a while. He looked at the bands on both their fingers, lightly fondling Axel’s.

“I don’t think there’s anything that can be said or done to ever make this better Rox.”

“But you’ll never know if you don’t give them a chance.”

Axel breathed in deeply and sighed out slowly.

“Things are better for you now, no?”

Axel mulled that over in his head for a moment before he squeezed Roxas’ hand gently. “Yeah, they are.”

“So maybe you’ll be able to work through this differently now, than in the past?”

“Mm…” Axel grumbled, lips drawing together tight.

Roxas felt like even the small space between them was a deep chasm. He scooched a little closer so their arms and shoulders pressed together. He left little kissed on Axel’s damp face, feeling him lean into Roxas.

“You want me to do this?” Axel murmured.

“I do, but it’s your choice. I just want you to be happy - be at peace - not have the thought of them ruin your day.”

Axel’s arm slung low around Roxas’ waist and he hummed thoughtfully. Roxas lay his head against Axel’s shoulder and listened to the stillness of the room.

After a while Axel mumbled, “I want those things too.”

“Good for you. So does that mean you'll go to the wedding?” Roxas asked, as gently as he could.

Axel baulked. “Fuck no. You know I don't like them in general. Why would I go to one for people I hate?”

Roxas pulled away so he could look at Axel. “Coz you're awesome and above something petty like holding a grudge?”

“I'm the king of grudges.”

“Ax,” Roxas sighed with exasperation.

Axel frowned. “I just can't, Rox. I _do_ want to put this behind me for good. But I don’t know how. I can’t go there. Not to their fucking _wedding_ ,” the disdain was rife in Axel’s voice. “I refuse to go there and pretend like nothing ever happened. I can’t wish them well.”

“But you’d be up for a chat with them? Give them and you a chance to try again? See if anything _can_ be different after all this time?”

Green gaze fell again. Axel looked like he was very seriously considering all his options. After a while eyes settled on Roxas, “Yeah.”

Relief put a big smile on Roxas’ face. “You’re awesome, Ax! Super mature of you. Very sexy,” he winked.

Axel huffed and the hint of a smile danced.

“So, if you can’t go to the wedding then… Hmm, what about something else like… We could go to a coffee shop or something and have a really civil discussion.”

“We?”

“Of course. I’m not letting you do this on your own. I’ve got your back.”

A proper smile began to crack Axel’s austere veneer. “Thanks Roxas.” Warm hand reached out and anchored behind Roxas’ head, pulling their foreheads together. Axel’s eyes slipped closed and he just breathed quietly. The odd sob still worked its way out of his chest.

“Axel.”

“Yeah?” came the hoarse response.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Anything.”

“Why’s she called The T-Rex? Her arms looked pretty normal sized to me.”

It broke Axel. A strangled sound came out of the back of his throat and then he started to laugh in earnest.

“What?” Roxas chuckled.

“You're just… the best thing in my life.” Axel pulled Roxas close and maneuvered them down towards the mattress where they cuddled until sleep took them.

* * *

 

Summer faded and winter came. Roxas left it up to Axel to organize the much dreaded rendezvous. He didn’t ask him about it but with each passing month Roxas felt like maybe Axel had let it fall to the wayside.

That was until one cozy weekend afternoon. Roxas was vegged out on the couch, controller in hand and buried under blankets.

“Roxas, you got any plans for Christmas?”

“We going on a date?” he asked, not drawing eyes away from the television which sat on the opposite wall.

“I wish. I was thinking more along the lines of something completely unpleasant.”

Roxas groaned. “Visiting your parents?”

“Yeah. And then I thought I could also get all this… _other_ business out of the way while we’re in Hollow Bastion.” He threw a heavy blanket on top of the two thinner ones Roxas had already piled on himself. “But I’ll only organize it if you’re cool with it,” he added.

“How cold does it get there?” Roxas asked, still not daring to look away from the screen as he was getting close to beating one of Axel’s most prized high-scores.

“If it ever snows it only happens in February. Something about the atmospheric pressure and the trade winds. It’s why… well either way you’ll be safe in December.”

“Sounds -” Roxas cut himself off with a scream, and frantically mashed buttons. He narrowly avoided getting a game-over. 

Axel lifted the blankets and snuggled in next to him. “I’m rootin’ for ya to lose,” he sniggered.

“Just you watch. I’m about to make you cry!” came the retaliation.

Both their attention left the conversation they had been having as they became completely absorbed in the game.

In the end Roxas fell short of beating Axel’s score by ten points. He groaned, throwing the controller to his side, where it lightly bounced on a cushion.

Axel wore a smug smirk and held his arms wide open. “C’mere loser. Let the undisputed champion cuddle your sorrows away.”

Roxas groaned more but teetered and leaned until he fell over and landed face first into Axel’s cushioned lap.

“I was so close,” he mumbled into blankets.

“I know.” Axel patted Roxas’ hair sympathetically.

Roxas leaned his head to the side so he could breathe a bit. “You distracted me on purpose.”

“I totally did. I was so insecure about you beating my beautiful score I invented the whole thing.”

Roxas groaned again and made fake crying sounds.

“Shh, shh. It’s okay. You’ll get there one day. Maybe.”

Roxas rolled over and looked up at Axel, pouting. “I want a consolation prize.”

Axel leaned down and gave him a gentle kiss which put a smile on Roxas’ face.

“Thanks. I’ll be able to live another day,” he sighed contently.

“Since when are you powered by my kisses?” Axel chuckled.

“Since always.”

The gears in Axel’s head began churning and he smirked. “So what’s it mean when I make you come then?”

“I can function ten days without a kiss when that happens.”

“Only ten? I thought it be more than that.”

“Blowjobs and handjobs are equal to ten days. Prostate oragasm is worth fifteen days.”

“Oh. I gotta jot this stuff down. Is there a cumulative effect? Like… could I power you into eternity if I make you come every two hours for a month?”

Roxas rolled his eyes. “Now you’re being stupid.”

“As if!”

“No, you are. Why would I want to live forever if you’re not gonna be there with me?”

A distinct soft smile spread across Axel’s face. “God, you’re so sweet.” He leaned down again and they shared a far longer and passionate kiss.

“Mmm, see. Living forever wouldn’t be worth it if I didn’t have you around to kiss me like that.” Roxas worked his hand out of the blanket and reached up to finger Axel’s cheek.

“Maybe I’ll find a way to live forever too. Or get reincarnated. I’ll come find you.”

Roxas caught sight of the ring on his finger as he kept rubbing Axel. Again the idea of being without Axel made him morose. Roxas swallowed it down and withdrew his hand.

“I don’t have a problem coming with you - to your parents place, you doofus,” Roxas said pointedly when Axel had begun grinning like a Cheshire cat.

“You say that now, but wait until we get there.”

“Are you trying to talk me out of it?”

“Yes.”

“Not gonna work. I’ll brave anything if it means you get this shit sorted out once and for all.”

“My hero,” Axel cooed, and with that it was settled and decided.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel this is the last thing that needs to be resolved for this fic. Ventus and Melissa's wedding was one thing and Axel dealing with his past is the other thing. So that's what's gonna happen in the next few chapters. And then this story will be complete and we'll all be able to move on to other things :)


	25. The Sullivan's

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roxas has the great displeasure of meeting Axel’s family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit content below.

When Christmas was close they decided to leave their own festivities and gift exchanges until New Years Eve. Axel had been adamant that they wouldn’t be having a nice time over the next few days, and that he’d prefer to keep their own celebrations a separate thing. So they left gifts at home and packed up bare essentials, flying out to Axel’s home city early on Christmas Eve. 

During the flight Axel seemed a bit moody and tense, but it also seemed to lift every time Roxas made contact with him. So Roxas made sure that plenty of hand holding was going on during their journey.

Roxas also felt nervous. The situation with Axel’s parents hadn’t seemed to improve at all, and if it was getting worse Axel was definitely not letting on. But Roxas thought it must be okay, otherwise they would have flat out refused to house Roxas over the next few days. 

Roxas set his mind to trying to be the perfect house guest. He wanted to try to change the Sullivan’s mind about him dating their son. His hope was that they only harbored negative feelings towards him because they hadn’t met him yet. Though Axel had been quite adamant that even if they loved Roxas they still wouldn’t approve. Roxas _really_ wanted to prove Axel wrong on that point.

When they landed Axel rented a car and they drove around. Axel played tour-guide this time, pointing out all the sights they drove past and shared his childhood adventures with him. It made Axel’s past seem more real, and helped Roxas to imagine a kid Axel running around, causing mischief. This part of their journey was pleasant. But before long a thick cloud felt like it was squashing them as they reached a rather impressive looking mansion with an equally impressive security gate.

They pulled onto the gravel driveway and parked next to some flashy looking cars. Axel’s parents weren’t around to greet them, which Axel seemed very grateful for as he gave a relieved sigh. A tall and rather elderly gentleman came out of the house to greet them though. He was dressed in a simple suit and held himself quite well, walking with a sprightly spring in his step towards them as they got out.

“Mr. Sullivan, so good of you to join us again this Christmas. And this must be… .” Roxas received a warm smile.

“Roxas Wainwright, my boyfriend,” Axel introduced with a sweeping gesture and a fond smile.

“Oh. Your parent’s didn’t -”

"That’s fine. I didn’t expect that they would,” Axel brushed off and heaved his bag out of the back of the car. “Rox, this is Martin Braxton. Long time butler to the family and the glue that holds the household together.”

“Young master, that’s not -”

“It’s true, and everyone knows it.”

Roxas also got his bag out and slung it over his shoulder, coming around the other side of the car to join Axel.

“Nice to meet you,” Roxas greeted with a warm smile and a robust handshake.

“Likewise, sir.” His attention returned to Axel. “I’ve been instructed to take you to your rooms. Your parents are out and won’t be back until dinner.”

“Don’t suppose you arranged a full day excursion for them, huh?”

“Well your mother is _so_ fond of the countryside that it didn’t take much encouraging.”

Axel grinned. “Fantastic. Lead the way, Braxton.” Axel took Roxas’ hand and they all walked towards big glass doors. Axel chatted with the other man, and it was obvious that they held each other in warm regard.

Roxas wasn’t really listening to the discussion about the household goings-on though. He was too busy thinking of the ramifications of the word _rooms_. It felt like this would somehow set the tone for the next few days, and Roxas didn’t think he was going to look forward to it.

As they passed into the mansion there were a great many hallways and even more doors. Roxas didn’t know where they were being lead to, nor if he would ever find his way out on his own. He stayed close to Axel, holding on tight and bumping into him frequently, as he was looking around, rather than where he was going.

They were lead through a big central foyer, with long halls branching off every which way. Stairs were climbed and corners were turned, but eventually they came to a halt.

“You’ll be staying in here, young master. And your guest will be in the adjoining room next door.”

“I know this’ll probably sound stupid but… what’s wrong with my old room, Braxton? Bed’s big enough to fit both of us.”

“It is currently being renovated, and your parents thought it would be more comfortable for you to stay in the south wing.”

“Where we can be out of everyone's way and not be heard, huh,” Axel filled in the unspoken blanks. Braxton gave a minute nod and looked quite grave.

Axel opened up the door to his room with a creak and was instantly greeted by the sight of a single bed, which stood out like a sore thumb in the middle of the quite modest room.

He turned back towards Braxton. “If my boyfriend and I get stuck in the reject wing why can’t we at least get one room to share and a decent bed?”

“Renovations, sir,” came the lamenting response.

Axel barked a laugh at that. “Thanks Braxton. I never knew my folks cared so much for renovating before now.”

“Neither did I. It certainly seems to be a new hobby of theirs. I will call you when dinner is served - at seven, sharp.”

“Thanks.”

My pleasure.” Braxton gave them both a sympathetic look and gracefully wandered off down the hall.

Axel sighed and Roxas followed him over the threshold. “Welcome to the Sullivan’s prejudice rooms. We have all the modern comforts of a shitty bed, and a television,” Axel bemoaned sarcastically, throwing his bag on the puny bed.

“Don’t forget the wardrobe.”

“Oh yes. And the bedside stand. Might as well praise having one of those as well. My folks are real generous.”

“They _do_ know we’re together, right?” Roxas didn’t want to believe that Axel’s parents would be doing this to them on purpose.

“Oh yeah. I made it _abundantly_ clear. Pretty sure you’ve heard me on the phone to mom.”

Roxas sighed, nodded and looked around himself feeling dejected.

“The fact that not even old Braxton knew about us says it all. Coz he usually knows _everything_.”

Roxas frowned and wandered over to the one other door in the room and opened it to discover the bathroom. “At least we get a big enough bathtub.”

Axel appeared behind him. “Ah-ha! They didn’t realize that silicone lube has been invented. We can definitely get off in this.” They stepped into the bathroom and examined it.

“Even has jets, nice!” Roxas enthused.

“About the only thing that is.”

Roxas continued through the other door in the bathroom to find another bedroom with a sad little single bed standing inside of it. “Guess this is me.”

Axel groaned. “This is so fucked. I’m gonna sneak us into my old room tonight. Bullshit it’s being renovated. Bullshit not sleeping in the same bed as my beloved Cinnabun.”

”Shouldn’t we respect your parents wishes?”

Axel threw him a disbelieving look. “Do you _really_ want to?”

Roxas gave the sad little bed another once over. It depressed him just thinking about it. “I don't want to but I think we should try. Maybe it’ll change their minds about us?”

Axel grunted in dismay. “It won’t.”

“Can we at least try?”

Another loud groan sounded. “Fine,” he drawled out in resignation. “But I'm gonna miss feeling you up.”

“We can always play catch-up when we get home. Thanks for trying with me, Ax.” Roxas drew himself against Axel and hugged him. Warm arms wrapped around Roxas and held him firm.

This really _did_ suck. Roxas didn’t know if he could sleep alone in a bed with the knowledge that Axel was just next door. He was too addicted to the warmth and cuddles. But he’d have to try. A heavy sigh seeped out of him. “So… Braxton seems nice,” Roxas ventured while still pressed against Axel’s chest.

“Yeah, he is. Been working for my family since I was born. He’s had my back more times than I can count and also parented me more than my parents ever did.”

Roxas gave a sad look up and received a kiss.

“Don't look like that. Let me show you all my favorite hiding spots and let's see if they really _did_ lock all of the rooms.” 

The rest of the late afternoon was spent getting off-track in the large mansion. Axel claimed he wasn’t lost but Roxas seriously doubted it. Yet it was all still fun. 

They found ballrooms and large studies. Axel’s parents lead a very socially active life and usually had a minimum of two parties a month, with high profiled guests staying over from time to time. So everything was grand, sparkling and ostentatious.

Axel showed Roxas all the sneaky nooks and crannies that a once-much-shorter Axel had no trouble squeezing into, but were now a comical struggle for his adult version.

They found Axel’s old room, which was indeed locked and shut tight. Axel wore a disgruntled look. Roxas tried to distract him by tugging at his arm and taking him towards a hallway and stairwell that they hadn’t ventured down yet. 

A well equipped gymnasium, swimming pool and sauna area greeted them. Roxas was also shown a movie room, which housed an impressive projector, as well as a grand film and television library.

Eventually 7pm loomed close and they both made their way back to their rooms to get changed and mentally prepared for what Roxas dreaded would be an unpleasant evening.

“How're you managing to stay so calm? I'm freaking out and they're not even _my_ parents.”

“Because there’s nothing more I can do. I've tried for months to talk you up and get across how happy I am with you, but I always get the same response. So that's it. I've given up and there's no point caring.”

Roxas groaned, “That's depressing. Maybe once they meet me they'll change their mind and it'll be easier for them to accept?”

Axel rubbed Roxas’ arms and joined their hands together. “Other than being filthy rich and coming from an overambitious and stuck up family… you probably don't have a chance in hell, Rox. Don’t let it bother you,” Axel encouraged as Roxas’ face fell. “The best we can hope for is that they resign themselves to the fact that you and me are a couple - even if they pretend not to see it. But given the fact that we’re locked out of all the double bedrooms says a lot.”

“Ax, don’t take this the wrong way but… why are your parents so fucking awful?”

Axel laughed and shrugged. “The answer’s probably _money_. But it’s fine. Not everyone can have cool parents like you.”

Roxas gave a cheerless chuckle. “That’s saying something if you think my parents are cool.”

“It does. So don’t worry about trying to impress them. Just… tolerate them for me. If they get terribly out of line I'll tell 'em we're leaving.”

“What do you imagine 'terribly out of line’ to look like with them?”

Axel thought for a bit. “Hmm, them outright telling you that they don't want you to be doing me. That you are somehow bad for me. Or them even saying that I'm bad for you and that you could do so much better.”

“That's awful. You think they would say shit like that about their own son?”

“They didn't get rich by being nice. I'm gonna leave it at that.”

“How'd you end up growing up to become someone I love?”

“By rebelling against them every step of the way and living my own life. That's what put me on the path that led us to sharing a train.” Axel leaned down and Roxas stretched up, meeting halfway for a kiss.

They were still holding hands, fingers interlaced. As Axel squeezed Roxas lightly it made Roxas more aware of cool metal and warm skin.

“Axel.”

“Yeah?”

“Should… we take the rings off?”

Axel gave a confused frown. “No. Why?”

“Well if they don’t like us being together… I don’t want to make tonight worse than what it will probably already be.”

Axel gave a frustrated sounding sigh. “Oh Rox,” he shook his head. “Don’t ever take it off for anyone but yourself. If you don’t want to wear it that’s fine, but if you worry about what someone unimportant like my folks would think about it… then please don’t.”

Roxas’ eyes drifted down Axel’s chest and onto their clasped hands. His mind wandered to their anniversary - how special it had been. “You made me a promise.”

“And you gave me your love. No one but you will ever get me to take this ring off, Rox. If you want it off - if you think it will make tonight easier - then I’ll do that. But otherwise -,” he shook his head.

Roxas looked back up at Axel, feeling upset with himself and Axel’s parents. He wasn’t willing to compromise everything their relationship stood for to please others. “No. You’re right. If you don’t care what your parents think then I won’t either. This isn’t for them. This is for us.”

Axel nodded and smiled lovingly at Roxas.

* * *

 

Eventually Braxton came by to escort them to the informal family sitting and dinning room. Roxas had been nervous when he caught sight of Axel’s parents. His father was standing behind a small bar, mixing himself a drink, while his mother stood, elegantly dressed, consulting with a woman, who was probably another staff in the house. But as Roxas and Axel approached, the woman scurried off, leaving Axel’s mother to burrow her cold stare into them both.

The closer they got the more he saw how tall and stern they were. Axel’s father, Mortimer, just seemed to wear a constant scowl. And Felicity, Axel’s mother, wore a mask of disgruntled disgust, which only intensified when her eyes seemed to travel down to their hands were their rings sat. 

Roxas had wanted to melt into the ground.

After the initial introductions and polite handshakes Roxas felt completely ignored. They were all waiting for Axel’s brother, Reno, to show up so the small talk ran rampant that Christmas Eve. They keenly interrogated Axel about his life, aspirations and career advancements since they had last seen him. 

Being ignored annoyed Roxas, but he soon learned that staying invisible would have been the best outcome. He was eventually asked questions around what it was he even did for a living. Whether or not he was earning enough money to support himself. What his goals were and why he had chosen to disregard his parents wishes for him to study and get into a higher paying job, when Roxas regretfully divulged that about his parent.

Axel tried to intervene by bringing the heat off Roxas and change the subject, but Axel’s father was like a dog with a bone. Roxas got the distinct impression that he was being grilled for something very specific - and when it dawned on Roxas what exactly it was - he felt sick and furious.

When Reno finally appeared - half an hour late - some more polite banter began but finished when a bell chimed, announcing dinner. Axel’s parents walked through the thick wooden drawing room doors leading to the dining room beyond. As they disappeared a weight felt like it slid off Roxas’ chest. 

“Stay here a moment, Rox. I wanna talk to you. Just gotta go pee.” And with that Axel left through another door, leaving Roxas in the quiet of the room, with no one but Reno for company. 

Reno was absent-mindedly chalking one of the pool cues, still playing the game he had started as soon as he had walked into the room about fifteen minutes ago. For the most part he had ignored Roxas, but now that there was nobody else around he started up -

“We got some real nice folks, don’t we, yo.” 

“Uh -”

“No need to be polite. You can tell me what shitheads they are. I could see how uncomfortable they are with you two as soon as I walked in here,” he laughed.

“Do you know what I can do to make them like me?”

“Quit sleepin’ with my brother and leave him.”

Roxas’ face turned down into a frown. “No.”

“Good for you, kiddo. But then there’s also nothin’ you can do, so don’t worry ‘bout it. I personally love seeing our folks so uncomfortable,” Reno grinned. It was familiar, and so weird coming from someone who wasn’t Axel.

He didn’t know what else to say to Reno. All he knew was that Axel’s brother was mesmerizing to look at so he just kept staring. Reno suddenly turned the full-force of his blue eyes onto Roxas. It made him shrink down slightly where he stood.

“Like what you see, yo?” Reno discarded his cue and chalk, walking around and up to Roxas.

“Ah - I thought Axel was the only one in the family with hair that color… since Mr. and Mrs. Sullivan don’t -”

“Yeah, Ax n’ I are real lucky with recessive genes,” he laughed and came to a standstill before Roxas. He ran his hand through Roxas’ hair like he was a small child, roughing it up. “You're kinda cute, yo. I can kinda see why Ax might have the hots for ya.”

Axel stepped back into the room, and barked, “Get your hands off him, ya sleaze ball, and c’mon, time for grub.”

Hand fell away and turned into a fist pump. “A’ight! Grub!” Reno bowled past Axel and through the doors their parents had walked through previously.

“You doing okay, Rox? I know this is pretty awful,” Axel inquired as he ventured further into the room, rubbing his shoulder where his brother had barged into him.

That sort of seemed like the understatement of the century to Roxas. “What’s pretty awful? The part where your dad’s trying to see if I’m with you for a share of the inheritance, or the part where your mom keeps glaring at the rings on our fingers?”

“Both, and everything else.” Axel took Roxas’ left hand and kissed it. “I'm so sorry. I didn't think it would be _this_ bad. Maybe I should have introduced you to them first so they could have gotten to know you before dropping the boyfriend bombshell.” 

Roxas softened a little. “We can't change that, so… ,” he shrugged. “But Ax…”

“Yeah?”

Roxas bit his lip a little, scared he might be making the wrong choice but simultaneously also not giving a shit after what he had - and would continue to have to endure. “I’ve changed my mind. I wanna sleep in the same bed with you tonight. Can you make that happen?”

Axel positively beamed. “Yes, sir!”

Dinner had also been an uncomfortable affair but the food had been great, with all the credit going to the kitchen staff. Axel and Roxas had been seated opposite of each other, in some lame attempt at keeping them apart, but it didn’t stop them from rubbing feet and legs together under the table. Though it was Axel who had to mostly initiate it as his limbs were by far longer. 

Over the course of their meal Axel’s mother seemed intent on bemoaning the fact that Tamara was getting married in two months time. She questioned Roxas about whether or not he knew that Axel was going to get married once - almost accusingly - like it was his fault that things didn’t work out between Axel and Tamara. 

The entire mood in the dining room changed as Axel was close to boiling over. The saving grace was Reno getting tipsy and running his mouth off about work. It helped a lot in taking the heat off Axel and Roxas. 

Roxas became more relieved by the hour that his own parents were a lot more accepting of Axel than Axel’s parents seemed to be of both of them. Roxas didn’t even get the impression that it was Roxas they disliked. Because Roxas felt like he got on all right with Axel’s parents when the conversation actually went to things like interests and hobbies. 

But even the things they might have been able to agree on didn’t soften the way they thought of Roxas. It seemed more like it was the _idea_ of them and their relationship that didn’t sit right with Axel’s parents. It was the whole wedding debacle which seemed to be tainting more than just Axel’s life. So Roxas felt more at ease with the knowledge that he _couldn’t_ change their attitude towards him. No matter how much he tried to play the perfect houseguest.

The overall discomfort didn’t ease at all over the evening though. More and more dread was beginning to build up for Roxas regarding what tomorrow might bring. Axel’s whole extended family would be around for Christmas. And from the picture he got it was going to be a very big deal. Roxas didn’t know how they were going to get through it.

But Axel didn’t let him dwell on it for long after they said their goodnights and headed on off to the south wing. Not to sleep though. They grabbed their things and headed up to the top floor of the eastern block, where a door, previously shut, was now magically unlocked.

“You know what the best thing about being here is?” Roxas mumbled into Axel’s neck as they lay in a luxuriously comfortable bed with about five duvets piled on top.

Axel was under him, completely naked, while Roxas wore his wooly pyjamas. 

“Uh - the food? Or the way Reno infuriated dad when he vomited into their priceless Ming Vase?” A warm hand rubbed Roxas’ back, while the other was in his hair, rubbing small circles near his ear. 

“Food was great. You’re brother’s an idiot -”

“Thank you, always knew that. Nice to get confirmation.”

They both laughed lightly.

“I do appreciate him getting the heat off us. You think he did that on purpose?”

“Hard to say. Sometimes he feels generous.”

“Well we should thank him. I also want to thank Braxton for getting us this room.”

“We’ll do all that before we leave. God, I can’t wait till we leave. I'm sorry our year-and-a-half anniversary turned out so shit,” Axel groaned.

“No, Axel. Don’t. This is why we’re gonna make New Year's special, remember?”

“Yeah, but I still wish today hadn’t been such a shit-fest.”

“It’s not all bad, Ax.”

“No? It’s _not_?”

“Yeah. See, the thing that’s so good about being here right now is that all that time your parents spent in trying to keep us apart makes being with you right now about ten times better.”

Axel chuckled. “That’s what I like to hear. We gotta appreciate the small things in life.” He cuddled Roxas and nuzzled into his hair.

Roxas huffed with amusement. “Somehow I feel I should be offended.”

“Nah.”

“Well okay then.” Roxas closed his eyes and enjoyed the feel of Axel under him for a few moments. “Hey Ax.”

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for getting us a bed to sleep in. It’s the best thing I could imagine for our year-and-a-half anniversary. Sure is better than last year - being all alone - and cold - without you,” Roxas made sure to add as much tragic drama to the way he said that as he possibly could.

“Aww, no Rox. Don’t say it like that. You’re gonna break my heart making me think of you all abandoned and pining for me.”

Arms tightened around each other and they both giggled quietly.

“But you're right. Feels like I could endure anything as long as you’re with me, Rox. And somehow being with you feels even better when we’re not technically _allowed_ be be sleeping with each other. You’re like… forbidden fruit,” Axel chuckled and gave Roxas a hefty squeezing hug. It forced a slight wheezing groan out of Roxas but he continued to smile into Axel’s neck and then left small kisses.

“You wanna do something forbidden with me, Rox?” came the suggestion bathed in lust.

“I think being here’s killing my libido. I’m just happy to sleep with you in a bed tonight,” he mumbled.

“Awww,” Axel whined. “You’re letting them win, you know that, right?”

“Mm, yeah. But it’s not a complete win. And… I feel really tired. Today’s been exhausting.”

“Aww, sweet cheeks. Too much travel for my Cinnabun?”

“Yeah. And too much mental exertion fighting off your dad.” Roxas barely stifled a tremendous yawn.

“All right. I’m kinda feeling it myself.” Axel gently rolled Roxas off himself. He tucked arms and legs around Roxas’ body and snuggled into him. “We’ve got a massive day tomorrow. Christmas is an all day and evening event. Guess we best rest up as much as we can.”

“Are any of your relatives nice?” Roxas asked, the warmth of blankets and Axel making him sleepier by the second.

“Aunt Eliza is nice, and my cousin Kairi is pretty cool. I told her about you last Christmas. Won’t she be surprised to meet you,” Axel rumbled into Roxas’ ear with some amusement.

“Mmhmm. Hook me up with them so I got some sanctuary from your wicked family members.”

“No worries. I’ll arrange it and make sure you're protected.”

“Mmm…”

“Night, my Cinnabun.”

“Night, Carrot-cake,” Roxas muttered and drifted off to sleep with a smile on his face.

* * *

 

Christmas Day was full on. Anyone and everyone who was even remotely related to the Sullivan’s and in the city that morning showed up for breakfast.

Axel had made introductions to his cousin and aunt like he promised, and Roxas was taken under their caring wing when Axel had to disappear for hours at a time to do the rounds.

Roxas didn't see Axel again until lunch time. Which also saw more guests from out of town arriving. So just as Axel sat down next to Roxas he had to get back up, with an apologetic smile.

They did get a quiet moment together sometime between afternoon tea and dinner.

The party had moved into a big banquet hall, with a tremendous tree at one end and buffet tables lining one wall. The other wall was mostly glass and looking out onto the highly manicured garden grounds.

All it had taken was a look from Axel as he slipped through a door, and Roxas knew that this was their chance to spend some time together, away from prying eyes.

He excused himself from his very pleasant company and went to find Axel.

As soon as he stepped out of the large hall the quiet of the hallway was a welcomed experience. Looking left and right he saw no trace of Axel, but decided to go right, as that seemed to at least lead somewhere instead of the dead end with a potted plant next to a window. He walked warily, not wanting to go too far incase he couldn't find his way back.

“Axel?” he called out softly. Roxas didn’t want to play hide and seek. Every precious second they weren’t together would be a waste.

Something creaked behind him and Roxas turned around. There was a sudden yank and Roxas found himself in a dark space with a warm body pressed against him.

“Gotcha!”

Roxas groped around in the dark and latched on to thin frame. “Axel,” he gratefully muffled against his beloved's chest.

“Hey babe.”

They sunk to the ground of the small closet and nuzzled each other.

“I'm so sorry about today, Rox.”

“I know how it goes with family. It’s fine.”

“You’re the best, most understanding boyfriend ever,” Axel cooed and rubbed his cheek against Roxas’.

He hummed in appreciation and hugged Axel a little tighter. “Am I being stupid for missing you so much today?” He definitely felt stupid.

“If you are then I'm too. That's why I snuck out. Can't stand a minute more of not -”

Lips were on Roxas a second later. Somewhat clumsy in the dark and missing their mark, but Roxas helped in joining them together. He opened his mouth and shivered in pleasure as hot tongue entered. Not breaking their kiss Roxas clambered onto Axel's lap and rocked into him a little.

Their kisses grew more heated. While Roxas held on fast to Axel's neck, Axel was busy pinching one of Roxas’ nipples underneath his shirts, and with the other he deftly unzipped Roxas’ fly. Axel pulled Roxas’ hardening penis out of its confines.

“Should we be doing this?” Roxas panted, breaking off from the kiss.

“No. -So yes,” Axel got out gruffly, attaching his mouth to Roxas’ neck and sucking gently. His hand stroked and rubbed Roxas’ head, making him moan lightly and rock into the motion.

“What if someone - catches us?” he groaned, somewhat breathlessly.

“Everyone's busy at the party,” came the dismissive remark, which at this moment seemed to make perfect sense to Roxas’ horny mind.

“What're we doin’, Ax?” he whispered, trying to stay in control of his senses for long enough so he could make some sort of a choice regarding how far this would go.

“Blowjobs? Handjobs? … Anal?” He added with a hint of cheek and scraped at bare flesh with teeth.

“Blow,” Roxas decided. Not doing anything wasn't even in his stratosphere of comprehension at this point in time.

Axel purred and tilted them forward, laying Roxas down on the hardwood floor. Roxas’ head landed on something which crunched underneath him. He shifted and felt lumpy hard things under his head.

“What kinda closet is this?” he grumbled, attempting to get somewhat comfortable.

“A shoe closet. Thought it oddly appropriate,” Axel sniggered and lightly yanked at Roxas’ trousers and underwear, pulling them further off hips. Warm hands grasped Roxas’ newly exposed rump and pulled him onto Axel's lap for elevation.

From the crack underneath the door Roxas could see the vague outline of Axel. As he dipped down to take in Roxas’ erection the light caught beautifully on Axel's left side and accentuated sharp nose, chin and cheek-bone. Axel's tongue danced around Roxas’ head, tracing the ridges until Roxas couldn't stifle the moan any longer. 

He was rewarded with hot and moist softness engulfing his tip and slowly creeping down the length of his shaft. Roxas forgot about the uncomfortable bed of shoes his head was resting on, and focused on the heat and tingling sensation which was building inside of him. Roxas writhed a little and squeezed his thighs tight around Axel's waist.

Strong firm hands held Roxas’ hips in place while the pressure of Axel's slow sucks increased. He dragged his lips up Roxas’ shaft, pulling with it the buzzing and growing pumping sensation Roxas could feel in his penis. Tongue graciously danced around his head, rubbing and massaging before Axel descended again - all the way to Roxas’ base. And then the dragging motion started all over again.

Roxas couldn't stop the whimpers. Nor stop them from growing louder, albeit also more breathy.

Axel could read him like a book. When the sensation in his shaft almost grew to be too much Axel started taking him deep into his throat and hummed, pushing Roxas well over the edge into orgasmic spasms. His abdomen rolled like a wave with every spurt and he fought hard against the urge to ram his cock deeper into Axel's throat, even with warm hands there to restrain and support him.

Pleasure gave way to content satisfaction after a few more pulses of release and he slumped against the floor, feeling like a puddle. 

Axel sucked at him a few more times, just to make sure all the semen had been dealt with before releasing Roxas from his mouth.

Roxas murmured in delight and let Axel redress him. Clothes were pulled back to where they belonged, and trouser fly and button were fixed up. “There ya go. Good as new.”

“We'll see about that when we get more light,” Roxas panted weakly.

“I'm really good at dressing you now. Even in the dark,” Axel chuckled and leaned forward, placing hands on either side of Roxas’ body as he did so. Roxas still had his legs wrapped around Axel, and didn’t feel like letting go.

“You're also so fucking good at sucking, Ax.” A post-climax shiver ran through Roxas and he swallowed against the scratch in his throat, feeling completely devoid of moisture.

Axel's lips found Roxas’ and they shared a kiss.

“Stand up, so I can suck you off,” Roxas commanded, dropping his legs from around Axel’s waist. But his voice didn't carry its usual sharpness as his head was still fairly hazy.

“I don't think we got enough time for that, Rox.”

“What?” He sat up as Axel pulled away.

“We gotta get back to the torture. But this totally saved the afternoon.”

“I wanna suck you off, Ax.”

“You can do me in the evening. We'll probably need another time out after a few more hours.”

Roxas grumbled but ultimately agreed, with a disgruntled, “Fine.”

They both straightened each other's clothes and hair out before stepping back into the main hall, but it didn't stop Roxas from receiving unsavory glances from Axel's mother when they rejoined everyone else.

* * *

 

Roxas felt bloated and stuffed from all the eating he had been doing that entire day. But everything had tasted so good, and he hadn’t been able to say no to trying some of the really fancy looking dishes. He miraculously did manage to get through dinner, which Kairi really commended him on with a teasing laugh.

Roxas didn’t feel too bad though about the food coma he was slipping into. It seemed like a lot of the other guests were faring the same way. The hall was generally more quiet and the energy had toned down, though the cheer still seemed high, with lots of laughs rolling around.

But when things started to get a little too quiet the festivities picked up again, with the sound of piano music filling the air. Roxas didn’t know what was going on, but apparently everyone else did. Aunt Eliza patted Roxas and motioned for him to get up, which he did with a groan while clutching his developing food baby. 

Everyone was heading towards the Christmas tree and Roxas managed to catch sight of a grand piano which hadn’t been there earlier. And when he caught sight of red seated by the piano he was awash with surprise.

Kairi explained that they did this every year. Getting together to sing songs and then later to do some dancing. But she did express surprise over Axel playing this time around, as he usually hid himself so someone else would take up that duty. 

Roxas knew that Axel wanted to make an impression on him, and it was definitely working. As Axel played Roxas looked on, mesmerized. He felt his face flush and his heart thump heavily every time Axel threw him a glance. Axel’s hidden talent made him even hotter somehow.

So while Roxas was completely out of it, all of the most popular Christmas carols were played and sung. He only snapped out of his stupor once Axel finished and stood up for someone else to take over playing the piano, to get some more modern melodies going.

There was still singing but the floor cleared and dancing also started. Roxas figured that grinding-loosely-disguised-as-dancing with Axel was probably a no go tonight. So he danced with Kairi instead when it became apparent that Axel was caught up in another small-talk bonanza with relatives.

The night waned on and the guests slowly dispersed as the hours ticked by. Some went and took to the guest bedrooms in the mansion, while others headed off to their own homes. It brought some relief to Roxas, to know the evening would eventually end.

He was even more relieved when he eventually caught sight of Axel making rounds, and seemingly saying goodnight to all his extended family. Despite having enjoyed himself and eaten his fill Roxas did look forward to this whole day to be far behind him.

Blue and green eyes met at some point and Roxas understood that they were done for tonight. With a big grin on his face Roxas wished Kairi and Eliza a Merry Christmas and a good night. He thanked them profusely for looking after him and received fond hugs. He then braced himself against the uncomfortable duty of saying goodnight to Axel’s parents and thanking them very much for having him and for throwing a wonderful party.

They appeared more civil and charming when other people were around, so he considered himself lucky, and left the hall to await Axel.

It took a while. Guests trickled out from time to time, smiling warmly at Roxas as they bade him a goodnight. He watched as some headed further into the house, and others out the doors. It felt like forever but Axel eventually _did_ appear and breezed past Roxas, grabbing his hand as he went.

“Free at last!” Axel sighed with immense relief, leading them into the direction of what Roxas thought should be their room.

“Took you long enough.”

“Well you know how family is. Always someone else to say ‘see ya later’ to. It’s never ending.”

Roxas groaned slightly. “Yeah. I totally get it. I feel like this was revenge for my brother's wedding.”

“It was. I had to teach you a lesson.”

Roxas laughed low in his throat. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. It wasn’t too bad, was it?”

“There was _so - much - fooood_. I’m not going to have to eat anything for at least the next seven hours.”

“Oh good. Coz that’s just as long as we’ve got until morning strikes,” Axel chuckled.

“Are you nervous about tomorrow?”

“Huh? Of course not. It’ll just be another day.” Axel’s pace picked up a little, forcing Roxas into a slight trot.

“You sure you’re feeling okay?” Roxas pressed, skepticism rising.

“Yeah,” Axel laughed. “What’d you think of aunt Eliza and Kairi?” 

Roxas saw right through it but decided to answer. “I really like them. They were cool.”

“See, that’s how much I like you. I put you with the cool people, and not with second cousin Leopold.” Axel’s pace slowed again.

“Is that the guy with the mustache and pocket watch, who talks about nothing but birds?”

“Oh good! So you _did_ get the pleasure of meeting him.” 

Roxas shuddered. “Yeah thanks. Kairi rescued me after about half an hour. I’m truly grateful that you hooked me up with her. It’s evidence of the grand love you have for me.”

“Mmm, yeah. Don’t forget it either. I could have doomed you, but didn’t. And… I totally wanna give you another display of my love for you, if you’ll let me,” Axel winked and licked his lips.

“You already did that. It’s my turn now, remember?”

“No, I’ve got a terrible memory. If you say I already showed you once I’m not gonna believe you. I’ll have to show you again.”

A shiver ran through Roxas’ spine and lust stirred in his stomach. “Maybe we can arrange something that will be satisfying for both of us?”

Axel abruptly stopped moving, gave a firm tug on Roxas’ hand as he turned around on his heels, and wound an arm around Roxas’ waist as they bumped together. Finger landed under chin and coaxed Roxas’ face up. “You wanna do it right here, right now?” came the low rumble.

Some sort of a surprised and turned on squeak emanated from Roxas’ throat. “W-what? In the middle of the hallway? Without… any kinda lube or protection?” He managed to frown a little, composing himself.

Axel leaned in closer to Roxas and wet his lips. “Yeah.”

The timber of Axel’s tone shot through Roxas like an arrow. But he willed his frown to grow stronger and pressed a hand against Axel’s chest. It wasn’t there to push them apart, but he was definitely poised to do so if Axel really _wasn’t_ joking. “Get serious, Axel.”

“I _am_.” Hand dove into a pocket and produced two condoms and two small packets of lubricant. “Well, about the sex part anyway. Not the ‘no lube or condoms’ bit. That I’ve got covered.”

It made Roxas laugh. Axel was fucking absurd sometimes. “You planned this didn’t you?”

“Why else would I volunteer to play the piano? I _hate_ playing that thing but I knew I’d turn you on if I played.”

“You didn’t,” he denied.

Axel huffed out in amusement. “Don’t kid yourself. I saw how you looked at me,” he winked. “And knowing I can play an instrument gives me instant sex appeal, _Roxas_ ,” came the self-assured statement.

Axel’s use of his name in _that_ tone made him tingle. Breathing felt a bit difficult, and Axel pulled him closer, making Roxas aware of the soothing warmth but also the thumping of blood in his extremities. He didn’t feel capable of denying those assertions. “I’m not letting you fuck me in a hallway, Axel,” he said pointedly.

It grew a smirk on Axel’s face, as if Roxas’ words were some sort of consent. “Of course. We need _som_ e privacy. C’mon.” Axel grabbed Roxas’ arm and walked at great pace a little further down the hall. He pulled open a door and pushed Roxas inside, closing it behind himself as he entered. 

“For someone who’s _out_ of the closet you sure seem to like to be _in_ them a lot,” Roxas commented. Something dangled and hit his face lightly as he turned around to face where he assumed Axel to be standing. Roxas grabbed at it and pulled, bringing a sad little light bulb - set high up in the ceiling - to life. The light it emitted was rather dim, just barely brighter than a candle, but it was better than standing in complete darkness.

“It takes too long to get to our room. Plus it’s more kinky doing it in linen closets. So whaddaya say? Wanna?” Axel held up the foil wrappings and pushed against Roxas with his body. Roxas’ back pressed against the shelves laden with sheets, blankets, duvets and pillows.

“You’re being pushy,” Roxas observed.

“Tell me to back off and I will.” Axel stopped leaning so much into Roxas regardless.

Roxas bit at his lip and tried to figure out how he felt about the whole situation. After their afternoon rendezvous Roxas had wanted to be with Axel even more. A decision was made.

“You were really fucking hot playing that piano,” he conceded and reached up to wind arms around Axel’s neck. “Would’ve been hotter with your tatts out though.”

“Can’t do that right now, but I’ll whip my cock out for you.”

Roxas snorted. “Not hot, doofus.”

“Well what about this then -,” Axel pulled Roxas close to himself, like he had done out in the hallway. Kisses trailed, starting from Roxas’ ear and moving down jaw and neck. Axel’s hand rubbed down Roxas’ back until he reached the hem of his shirts. He lifted and worked his fingers under layers until he found skin and traced along the line of trousers. Axel pushed and dipped his hand underneath fabric, cupping Roxas’ backside and gently fondling and spreading cheeks as much as he could in the confines of the clothes.

Roxas enjoyed the touch. He felt more relaxed and pulled himself up a little higher, wanting to give Axel more access to his collarbone. The thought of having sex right here was becoming far less threatening by the second. “What if someone hears us or finds us?”

“No one’s gonna come this way. It’ll only be us two - _coming_.”

“You are _so_ lame, Ax.”

Axel’s kisses roamed back up towards Roxas’ lips. “It’s part of my charm.” Green eyes were nearly closed with pleasure. Warm hand stroked under clothes and gently pushed against Roxas in the most tantalizing fashion. 

Roxas wanted to push back - push Axel into himself. But instead he pushed against Axel’s lips, connecting them with a kiss. Their eyes slid closed and they began rubbing against each other with tongues and bodies.

Roxas pulled an arm off Axel and blindly groped at shelves stacked with bedding. He threw two pillows onto the ground and pushed Axel down to the floor.

Pillows were placed behind Axel’s back and under his backside before Roxas descended and straddled his thighs. Axel left the condoms and lubricants on the bottom shelf and then buried his hands under Roxas’ clothes and slid them up and down his sides.

“So we doing this after all?” Axel hungrily eyed all of Roxas’ body.

His response was to attack Axel with kisses. His hands roamed over silken shirt, enjoying the feel of thumping heart and radiating warmth. The main rooms of the mansion were heated but out here - in the random parts of the house - there were definite drafts. As always though Axel proved an excellent antidote against the cold.

Warm hands made their way down to cup and knead Roxas’ backside after a while, which also encouraged Roxas to seek out Axel’s fly. He palmed and pressed against the firm heat he found there and slowly unzipped.

A sigh of pleasurable relief sounded from Axel, as was his habit when Roxas freed him from the strain of his clothes. Axel wiggled around a little, helping Roxas pull his clothes off his lap, letting pants and underwear sit around his knees.

Roxas stood up to get himself ready, as he’d have to get his trousers and boxers off all the way this time around. Axel’s arms were around him in moments, pulling hips close to himself. Roxas smiled down at Axel as he undid his button and fly. Green eyes darted between Roxas’ eyes and revealing flesh. 

Roxas took Axel’s hands in his own and used them to push his clothes down his hips and thighs. Trousers fell the rest of the way, pooling over Axel’s lap. Roxas wrapped one of Axel’s hands around his cock and left him there to do whatever he pleased. 

Axel fondled tip, shaft and balls while Roxas picked up one of the lubricant packets and worked on ripping it open. When he managed it he took Axel’s other hand and spread the contents on fingers before maneuvering digits to his anus.

Roxas slumped forward a bit, leaning against shelving with his arms and relaxed against Axel’s probing fingers as they gently pushed inside. Roxas’ shift in position also had the pleasant side effect of pushing his erection closer to Axel, who wordlessly took Roxas into his mouth and gently sucked.

The moans out of Roxas’ throat and mouth grew louder. He pushed slowly backwards against Axel’s fingers, and then forward into Axel’s mouth. Small sounds of rumbling delight drifted to Roxas’ ears. “This feels so - fucking good, Ax.” Roxas labored, as he began to quicken his pace a little.

Axel only mumbled in agreement, causing a shiver to run through Roxas. 

Whereas before Axel was just stretching him, he now made a concerted effort to brush against Roxas’ prostate. It made Roxas clench and groan, but also snapped him out of his pleasure, in a weird way.

Roxas stopped his rocking and breathed deep before patting Axel’s head. Axel released him and looked up, wetting his very red lips. “Had enough?”

“Yeah,” he got out hoarsely.

“If you wanna get yourself off like this I don’t mind. It’s fucking hot.”

”Nah. I want something bigger than your fingers in me.” Roxas flashed a smile and worked his feet out of shoes and free from clothes.

Axel purred and helped keep Roxas steady until he was finally detangled. Clothes were pushed aside and Roxas returned to the floor, knees on pillow and straddling Axel’s lap. He put Axel’s condom on, and then his own. The extra packet of lube was opened and generously dripped onto Axel’s tip. 

Warm hands were there again on Roxas’ hips to help steady him. Roxas raised up and positioned himself so Axel’s erection was comfortably pushing against his sphincter. They smiled at each other and as Roxas lowered himself he also leaned in and pushed against Axel’s lips for deep, moan-stifling kisses.

Roxas took Axel in all the way and then drew off, almost completely. He made shallow thrusts, pumping Axel’s head, and once in awhile surprising him by taking his cock in all the way again. Axel’s hands roved over thighs, buttock and back. Grip tightened every time Roxas slammed himself down all the way onto Axel’s lap. Their fierce kisses abated as Roxas’ momentum increased and then they began panting against each other as both drew closer to hitting their climax.

Roxas whimpered and mewled into the crook of Axel’s neck. One of Axel’s hands was deeply buried in hair at the back of Roxas’ head, while the other clasped tight onto Roxas’ right buttock. The pressure of Axel’s grasp only intensified with each grinding thrust.

“Babe - Roxy… fuck,” Axel moaned and hummed in great pleasure.

“Ax - you gonna? Coz… I’m… ,” he whimpered in despairing pleasure.

“Yeah, Roxy. Come,” Axel encouraged in a strained pitch.

Roxas stopped holding on and gave in, rocking Axel’s cock against his prostate a final time before he was overcome with explosive pleasure. He moaned and shuddered, the release stinging his eyes and causing tears to slip out the tighter he shut them.

Axel’s own pleasure releasing moan caught in Roxas’ ears, which only helped to intensify the joy coursing through his veins. He loved it when his climax sent Axel over the edge.

Roxas slumped against Axel and after a few moments warm arms finally managed to find some strength and wrapped around Roxas, pulling him into a tight embrace.

Loud panting sounded and hearts jackhammering against each other's chests. Neither one moved while they recuperated. The closet air felt hot and damp from their exertion. Breathing eventually evened out and pulses returned to near normal.

“Merry Christmas, Roxas,” Axel lazily muffled into Roxas’ hair.

Roxas, with some strength returning to his arms, gave a gentle squeeze to Axel’s sides. “Not as romantic as an Igloo - but still better than not doing anything together for Christmas at all.”

Axel’s chest shook with exhausted laughter. “I love you, sweet cheeks. I'll make sure you're never alone again for Christmas.”

Roxas hummed in satisfaction. “Music to my ears baby-cakes. I love you too. So glad you’re my boyfriend.” Even though he felt heavy like lead Roxas managed to lift his head and leave a chaste kiss on smiling lips. But after that he sunk right back down against Axel’s chest.

“My poor tuckered out Cinnabun.” Hand brushed through hair sympathetically.

Some more silence passed between them. Roxas squeezed his muscles, causing Axel to squeak a little.

“You gonna vacate the premises?” he asked playfully, squeezing his insides once more.

“No. Never. I live here now.”

“It doesn’t belong to you.”

“I’ve got squatters rights. It was empty and unloved and abandoned, but now it’s my home.”

Roxas laughed, but Axel whined.

“Hey stop making earthquakes run through my house.”

“If you don’t leave soon there’s gonna be something really unpleasant forcing you out.”

“Eww, Roxas! Too far, man!”

Roxas laughed more and pushed himself off Axel. “You’re getting evicted, whether you like it or not.” And with that he lifted his hips and Axel slid out, all soft and floppy.

He sighed. “Well it was nice while it lasted. You’ll want me back for a visit soon enough though.”

Roxas kissed Axel’s forehead. “You’re right.” He patted Axel’s side to get him to move and sat down next to him on the pillow. Condoms were carefully taken off and tied up. Axel reached for a pillowcase and tossed their garbage into it, much to Roxas’ horror.

“Dude!”

“Relax. I’ll put the whole thing in the bin.”

“Seems like a waste.”

“My parents won’t miss one pillowcase.”

Roxas grumbled a little but shrugged dismissively and worked on getting his boxers and trousers back on before finding his discarded shoes and tying them up.

“So you good for tomorrow, Ax?”

A sharp groan sounded.

“Yeah, that’s right. Don’t think I didn’t notice you trying to avoid the subject.” 

“I wasn't avoiding. There’s just no point worrying about it until tomorrow comes,” he stated, lifting himself off the pillow awkwardly and pulling his pants back up.

“You _are_ going to meet them, right?”

“Of course I am,” Axel grumbled.

“You sure? Coz Kairi said you made tentative plans with her for tomorrow.”

A frustrated grunt came out of Axel. “I _should_ have hooked you up with Leo after all.”

“C’mon. We came all this way to get this stuff sorted. You can’t chicken out now.”

“I come from a long line of shirkers.”

“Complete bullshit.”

“Fine,” he drawled out in defeat. “It was only a _maybe_ anyway with Kairi.”

“Good boy!” Roxas got up and patted Axel in a very patronizing way, before helping him up onto his feet.

“I don’t like you when you make me accountable for shit, I’ll have you know,” Axel berated, picking up the pillowcase-turned-garbage-bag. 

Roxas cracked the door open and looked out warily, eyes darting. He turned back to Axel, “Whether you like me or not is irrelevant. I know you’ll always love me. That’s what counts.” He grinned with triumph at having defeated Axel, pulled the chain to turn off the light and walked out into the hallway, waiting for Axel to lead him back to wherever their room was. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Figuring out what kind of a relationship Axel had with his family was hard to get my head around and write about. I procrastinated a lot XD But WOOO SMUT!


	26. Stronger Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Crunch time has finally arrived. Axel can’t put it off any longer. So with Roxas by his side he tries to find some closure.

The next morning saw Roxas having to drag Axel out of bed. They had a fair few hours to kill before their scheduled meeting with Axel's least favorite people at 2pm for a coffee.

They got changed and sat in the kitchen over breakfast, far removed from the guests who still lingered, and who would pack up and leave before lunchtime. 

Axel wasn't very chatty and Roxas didn't push. He provided quiet emotional support with reassuring pats and hand squeezes.

At some point, around Axel's second cup of coffee, his mother walked into the kitchen, wearing a scowl. Roxas shrunk a little and pulled his hand off Axel, which caused green eyes to flicker off his mug and onto Roxas and then his mother. His expression turned hard.

“Mother.”

“A word,” and she walked out again.

Roxas felt nauseas. They had totally been found out. For the sleeping together - or the fucking - or both.

“Ax-”

“It's gonna be okay, Rox. Finish your toast. I think we'll be leaving shortly.” Chair scraped against tiled floor. Axel rose and stalked out of the kitchen.

Time passed sickeningly slowly. Roxas, needing to occupy himself, cleared up their dishes. Then a lot of staring at blank space followed, which was accompanied by the worst-case-scenario flights of fancy.

Axel's parents had a torture room, which they were gonna lock Axel up in and beat the gay out of him.

Or they had a lawyer over and Axel was being written out of the will at this very moment.

Or -

Unhurried footfalls echoed and came closer, drawing Roxas out of his awful daydreams.

“Rox, let's go do something fun,” came the emotionless command.

Roxas obeyed, grabbing his coat off the back of his chair and following Axel out, not daring to speak until they stepped into the cold winter morning air.

“We coming back?” he cast a glance behind him. He didn’t like the situation but the house was warm and outside was dismal.

“Yeah. But at the end of the day. You got everything you need? You gonna be warm enough?”

“I’ll be fine. I’ve got my mittens and my portable heater.” Roxas pulled the covers of his mittens down and reached for Axel’s hand, which was always there to accept the hold.

Axel gave Roxas’ hand a squeeze and also a small smile. The sorrow in it was too great though.

“What happened?” he pushed gently as they walked down steps towards the driveway and their car.

“Mom's not happy with me.”

“Is it coz of yesterday?”

“Yeah, but don't worry about it, okay?”

“That's like telling me not to breathe,” Roxas grumbled and fiddled with his ring through the warm fabric encasing his fingers. 

Axel took notice of Roxas’ discomfort and halted them, planting hands on shoulders. “This is _not_ your fault, Roxas.”

“It's also not ‘ _not’_ my fault either.”

The disgruntled look on Axel's face grew. “Fuck them for making us unhappy,” he growled.

“What happened?”

“Someone saw us come out of the closet yesterday. No big deal to us - but my parents… well -”

“What’s gonna happen to you? To us?”

“Nothing's gonna happen to us. I told her if she hadn't been so fucking bigoted and let us have a room together it would have stayed in the room.”

“But we do have one.”

“And she knows that too. She said we have to stay in the single beds and not be _sordid_ together if we want to ever visit again.”

Roxas whimpered. “I'm so sorry, Ax. Braxton’s not gonna get in trouble is he?” After how nice he had been to them Roxas couldn't stand the thought of something bad happening to him.

“I told her I picked the lock, so old Brax will be fine. Don't worry about this, Rox. Really. Let's just go do something.” Axel rubbed the side of Roxas’ head, took his hand again and continued walking.

Their feet crunched along the gravel driveway and they reached their rental in somewhat tense silence.

They drove around, trying to cast their minds as far away from their uncomfortable feelings as possible. Axel showed Roxas the more scenic sights around Hollow Bastion and told him as many anecdotes as he could think of.

They had lunch and then killed more time but overall it was a pretty intolerable morning and early afternoon.

* * *

 

2pm finally rolled around and hand-in-hand they strolled down a fairly busy main road. Roxas was matching Axel's gait but it was an almost painfully slow pace.

“How long’s it been since you last saw them?”

“Six years. I stayed here for a month after, sorting shit out - apologizing to family and guests.”

Roxas gave Axel’s hand a small squeeze, and felt it be returned.

“I didn't see them after that, changed my phone number and focused on making Radian Gardens my permanent home. Before that I just thought of it as an in between place to get experience with work before I settled down somewhere else.”

“So this is the first time you’ve heard from them since then?”

“Directly, yeah. Reno sometimes bugged me with passed on messages. Mom tried to get me to reconsider for way too many years and would talk about her. And you know what she thinks now with the news of their wedding.”

Axel’s heavy mood and words were beginning to settle in Roxas like lead. “We'll get through this. And then you never have to see anyone again if you don't want to,” Roxas encouraged.

Another, “Thanks,” was mumbled. Axel wore a tense expression, which only grew more intense the closer they got to their apparent destination. 

A neon coffee sign protruded from the wall and a chalkboard with a menu stood out the front. “Is that it?”

“Yeah.”

Roxas pulled Axel to the side before they got just in sight of the glass veneer of the coffee shop.

Axel looked a bit confused, gazing towards the shop and then back at Roxas. “I don’t have to go in there?”

“No. you totally do. I just wanna give you a pep talk before we do.”

Roxas received something between a disgruntled groan and an amused chuckle.

Roxas rubbed Axel’s face with affection. “Ax, I'm proud of you for doing this.”

“How ‘bout you leave the praise for when I actually deserve it,” he said, clenching his jaw.

“You deserve it right now. You're here. I believe in you. You can do this. Deep breaths, and stay calm. I'll be right beside you.” Roxas stretched up and pressed a kiss to Axel's lips, while also folding arms around to give a loving hug.

A bit of a smile broke the stern look on Axel's face, and another “Thanks,” was uttered. Deep breaths were taken, Axel put his business face on and stood up tall. “Let’s go.” 

They started moving again and pushed the glass door open with its little tinkling bell. The place smelt like coffee and cakes - bitter and sweet. Most importantly it was warm though and a very welcomed feeling for Roxas. The place wasn't too crowded, but it also wasn't deserted.

Roxas spotted the woman who had shown up at his doorstep several months previous, sitting at one of the tables in the middle of the shop. Next to her was a guy Roxas could only pressume to be Saïx.

They rose as Axel approached.

“Axel!” relief tainting her voice.

“We were worried you wouldn't show up,” was the far cooler tone of the man.

“I keep my commitments,” was Axel's biting remark.

It netted him concerned frowns before eyes drifted to Roxas.

“Ah, you were the one I met. Axel's roommate?” Tamara smiled.

“Boyfriend,” Axel corrected rather aggressively, despite Roxas not thinking there to be any reason to already be so snappy.

“Roxas, Tamara, Saïx.” Axel waved his hand around and then pulled a seat out for Roxas and took one of his own.

“Oh. It's good to meet you Roxas. How long -”

“None of your business,” Axel snapped and raised his hand to attract the attention of staff.

“Axel,” Roxas muttered and gave him an unhappy look. Roxas got that this was hard for him, but he didn't see why he had to be such an ass. “We've been seeing each other for over a year.”

“You live together, yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Good for both of you,” she enthused.

Axel ignored her and ordered a drink for himself. “Roxas, you want anything?”

“Oh, just the usual.” 

Axel informed the staff member and Roxas loved that he knew exactly what that meant. A frappe with extra _everything_.

When they were alone again Axel’s attention returned to the table.

“Thanks for coming to see us, Axel,” Tamara tried.

“I wasn’t going to, but Roxas convinced me. I don’t want to look at either of you for longer than I have to. So let’s get this over with. Whaddaya want?”

“Axel,” Roxas whispered as he placed his hand on Axel’s thigh beneath the table, trying to snap him out of the rising anger, and from shouting the place down.

Axel breathed out and clamped his mouth shut, refusing to look at the two people who hurt him so much in the past.

Saïx sighed and Tamara ducked under the table and produced a small package. “Here. Merry Christmas, Axel.”

Axel looked at the parcel with disdain.

“They're mocha balls,” Saïx encouraged.

“You're favorite,” Tamara chimed in.

“I don't do bitter anymore.” He pushed it away.

Tamara huffed a little and something in her demeanor seemed to change.

Roxas felt like he was watching a train wreck. He grabbed the parcel. “Thank you very much. The sentiment is appreciated. We didn’t get you guys anything, sorry.” He gave Axel a tiny glare out of the corner of his eye.

“That’s all right. We didn’t expect anything,” Tamara spoke, rather derisively with a hard look at Axel.

Saïx gave a quiet grunt. “What do you like now, Axel? Maybe we can get you something else.”

“No, that won’t be nece-” Roxas started but was interrupted by Axel’s gruff grumble.

“Cinnamon rolls.”

“Never pictured you to be into sweets,” Tamara said, voice still not softening.

“I've changed, believe it or not.” Arms folded across chest.

“I don’t think I do. But if you say so,” she dismissed flippantly. 

Saïx groaned a little and the slightest eyeroll was visible. “I’d hate to think you _haven’t_ changed after all these years. I think the fact that you’re here now shows that you have changed. Tammy and I’ve also changed,” he said, trying to be civil and to defuse the animosity between the two parties.

“ _Sure_. This wedding's gonna go through this time right?” Axel said with undisguised bitterness, and grimaced.

Tamara’s brow knit, her mouth opened - but then quickly shut again as drinks were brought over.

Axel and Roxas gave their thanks and watched the staff member leave again.

Roxas was grateful for this minute reprieve and distraction from the tense situation unfolding before him. He picked up his spoon and began picking at his drink, not sure he had any appetite left.

“Look Ax, we’re really sorry. We want to try and clear the air. It’s been six years now,” Saïx tried to reason.

Axel dropped his spoon, which he had just started dipping into his coffee. “I can’t believe you two would invite me to your fucking wedding,” he bit quietly, but with anger rife in his voice. “Mom’s been bitching at me about it.”

“It’s not our fault -”

Axel cut Tamara off, laughing with no mirth. “Like fuck it isn’t.”

Tamara’s jaw clenched, “Get over yourself, you shithead. We want to make some sort of a peace offering. We think about you a lot, Axel-”

Nostrils flared and Axel strained to keep his voice low as he erupted, “Did you think of me while you two were screwing around behind my back?” 

Roxas squeezed Axel a little harder to try and quieten him down. They were getting glances. But it wasn’t just Axel who was being triggered off apparently. Tamara leaned in abruptly, knocking the table and causing all their drinks to clink slightly. “Fucking let it go already. We’re sorry, okay? We tried apologizing to you so many times but you never wanted to hear it. You’re so happy to live in your own fucking misery -” 

“Tammy,” Saïx tried to interject sternly.

But she wasn’t listening. “You’re just pissed that things didn’t go your way for once in your life, and you want us to beg for your forgiveness so you can be in charge once again. Coz that’s all you ever wanted and were. You wanted to have your little pawns and I was just one of them, and I feel so fucking sorry for Roxas -”

Axel sprang up, causing the whole table to rattle and his chair to screech against the tiled floor of the cafe. He was breathing heavily, fists clenched and body trembling. Roxas also jumped up, rubbing Axel’s arm and back. “Please sit down, Axel. Please.” Roxas was terrified. He knew what Axel was capable of when he was in this state.

Roxas felt the shift in Axel. He saw the inhale of breath and the roaring shout of profanities which was about to come out. But it never did, because a staff member came up to them.

“I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

It dowsed Axel’s rage. “We were just on our way out.” He glared at the pair across the table from them, who were still seated. Tamara wore a scowling frown while Saix looked like he was getting ready to leap up to defend himself and Tamara if Axel made a single move in their direction. “I never want to be bothered by you ever again.” With that Axel turned, not looking at anyone, and headed to the cash register to pay.

Roxas glared at the both of them. “What the fuck. I thought you guys wanted to patch things up, not make it worse!” he grumbled in a low key. Roxas felt irate. He felt like he had somehow brought Axel to a trap - that he was responsible for this whole mess.

Tamara’s face melted and she buried her head in her hands and groaned a little. “I’m sorry. We’re no good for each other. Even after all these years. He makes me so angry. He never fucking changes.”

“That’s so unfair for you to say. It’s not true. He has changed. But the past makes him bitter. _You_ make him bitter,” he grit through clenched teeth. Roxas caught sight of Axel exiting the shop in his periphery. “I’ve gotta go after him.” 

But before he could turn to leave Saïx spoke up, “Roxas, please, if you can… bring him back. We still want to make it right. Tell him we’d like one more chance.”

Tamara pulled her hands away and looked at Roxas. “Please, Roxas. I’ll keep it together. I can’t have him walking away like this. Not again.”

“I can’t make any promises, but I’ll see what I can do,” and with that Roxas briskly weaved through the cafe and out into the street, heading towards where they had parked. He could see Axel off in the distance, and launched into a run to catch up.

As he ran Roxas thought about what he might say to Axel. It wasn’t his place to demand anything from him. But he didn’t want Axel to be like this for the rest of his life either.

“Axel! Wait up,” he shouted when he was in hearing distance.

Axel slowed his pace considerably, allowing Roxas to catch up. Roxas jogged ahead of Axel and turned, placing both his hands on Axel’s chest to stop him. Which it did. “Axel… can we talk?” Roxas thought that Axel didn’t look nearly as enraged anymore.

“I don’t really -”

“We’ve come all this way. You’ve put up with so much shit. Don’t waste this,” he scowled. “Please don’t run from this. It’s not gonna make it better. And it’s not like it lets you forget. It’s always there - in the back of your mind. Little things upsetting you. Setting you off. This stuff caused so much pain, Axel. And not just to you, or them. It’s also hurt me.” Roxas didn’t want to pull that card but he did feel pissed off about it a little.

And his remark seemed to have the desired effect. Axel’s eyes widened and his body seemed to lose some tension, causing him to deflated somewhat. 

“Fine. Let’s talk - but not here.”

Axel had a point. They were in the middle of the sidewalk with people walking past them left and right. Roxas’ hand was gently clasped and Axel looked around himself a little, before deciding on what direction to head towards. Roxas was lead down a little side street. It got his heart racing with anxiety. This time was different though. Axel wasn’t mad at him… and this wasn’t a piss-stained alley either, but just a little quaint lane. So he tried to reason away the sickness which was bubbling up inside.

When they were far enough down the street, away from the busy sounds of the car and foot traffic, Axel leaned against the concrete wall of a building and sighed, rubbing at his face. “I lost it. I know I lost it. And I couldn’t stop myself.”

“Tamara lost it too, though. It’s kinda familiar,” Roxas huffed with a tiny semblance of amusement. They kinda seemed alike from the small glimpse that Roxas had gotten.

Axel hummed in the back of his throat. “We were always like that… in the last few years together… or maybe even from the start. I dunno. Just always arguing about shit. Always small dumb stuff. Easier than dealing with what was actually going on I suppose,” Axel finished in a mutter.

“They asked you to their wedding for a reason, Axel.” 

“Yeah -”

“And I don’t think it’s for the reason you think it is,” he continued. “Stop painting them in a bad light. What they did was wrong, but people change.” Roxas drew a little closer to Axel, feeling like the man before him was continuing to lose the harrowing edge of anger, which had been roused inside him a little while earlier.

“I don’t change. You saw me.” Axel marginally slid down the wall, slouching even more. “What if she’s right? What if everything I’ve ever done for you was somehow twisted in my head and I’m still pushing you and forcing you to do things, but making it look like it’s you in control when it’s really not? What if you wake up one day and look at me and see me as a monster who’s made you waste your life on me, because I’m too selfish and conceited and too delusional to even see it myself.” Axel slipped down to the bottom of the wall, and sat on the ground, hand covering his eyes and shoulders heaving.

It broke Roxas’ heart. “No, Ax.” He closed the distance between them, squatted next to him and wrapped his arms around Axel’s sobbing form. “You’re not like that. You’re not tricking me or manipulating me. You’ve changed. You’re trying to be a better man because you want better things for yourself. You’ve learned from your mistakes.” Roxas ruffled hair and pushed Axel’s head against his shoulder. “I’m proud of you Ax. Proud of you having put in all this effort. And not just for me, coz you’re doing this for yourself too. And c’mon,” Roxas coaxed Axel’s head up to look at him.

Red eyes and pale face greeted him. Roxas smiled and tilted his head.

“Give me some credit. I think I can see through your bullshit when it’s in my face. How dumb you think I am?” 

A sob choked the slight laugh which sprung out of Axel. “You’re one of the s-smartest guys I know,” he sniffled. “Smarter than me.”

“Exactly.” Roxas kissed Axel’s forehead, and sat down on the pavement as his legs were beginning to burn. He used his mittens to wipe Axel’s face dry. “So, how about we go back there. You hear them out… without getting upset. Without thinking of the past. Because they want your blessing, Ax. That’s why they invited you. Not to rub it in your face. They want your forgiveness. And you could be spiteful and lord it over them for the rest of your life-”

Axel smiled a little and sniffled.

“Yeah, I know you like the sound of that.”

Axel nodded.

“But is that really the right thing to do? Holding on to it makes you miserable, and them. And it won’t let you heal.”

“I don’t want to forgive them.”

“Why?”

“Because what happened can’t be undone.”

“No one’s saying you should forget. You can’t forget. They’ll never forget. I’ll never forget what we did to each other, and you won’t either, right?”

Axel winced and nodded.

“But I forgive you for it. That stuff is our history. It made us into better people. We talk about stuff. We both do our best to not repeat the mistakes that lead us down that stupid alley, right?”

“Yeah.”

“And all that shit with the T-Rex and the Bastard -” 

Axel chuckled at that.

Roxas smiled and wiped some more tears off of Axel’s cheek, “All that stuff they put you through made you into a better person. It gave you a wake up call that you needed to change. And maybe you can be thankful for that.”

Weepy sad eyes looked at him, full of doubt.

“If it weren’t for your past you would have doomed yourself to the same shitty life as before. Being burnt showed you where you needed to improve, if you ever found someone else to care about. And you did find someone. Even though you never thought it would happen. And now we’re stuck with each other, in the best way possible.”

They sat there, quietly in the lane, breathing softly. Axel’s hand eventually sought out Roxas’, and he stroked him, fingertips working under fabric and gliding over the golden ring which stood for their love and commitment to one another. 

“You’re right.”

“Of course. I’m the smarter out of the two of us,” Roxas grinned.

“I love you, Cinnabun,” Axel breathed and kissed Roxas’ hand.

“Love you too, Carrot-cake.”

They brushed themselves off and walked hand-in-hand back to the cafe in silence. Saïx and Tamara were waiting outside and looked relieved when they saw Roxas and Axel approach.

“I’m ready to listen to what you guys have to say,” Axel mumbled stiffly. 

“I don’t think they’ll let us back in,” Saïx intoned solemnly. 

“How ‘bout we go to a park somewhere? You guys know anywhere quiet?” Roxas suggested.

“Yeah, The Old Bastion Park,” Tamara put forth.

The three who had grown up in this city all nodded and agreed.

“We parked down by the Potion Brewery,” Saïx pointed in the opposite direction from where Axel had parked. Roxas was somewhat relieved that they wouldn’t have to walk together.

“We’re over by the post office. Meet you guys at the park, by the playground if that’s still there,” Axel got out in a detached fashion.

“Parks called ‘Old’ for a reason. It never changes,” Saïx smirked slightly, and Axel huffed out quiet amusement.

Both couples went their separate ways.

* * *

 

Axel drove in relative silence. He still drew Roxas’ attention to some points of interest but Roxas knew it was just to quell the anxiety welling inside of him.

“You'll do fine, Ax. I believe in you.”

Axel frowned.

“What's that look for? What’re you worrying about?”

A thoughtful hum sounded. “What if… .” But nothing further was added.

“Yeah?”

“What if I can't forgive them? What if I let you down?”

Roxas bit the inside of his lip. He hated the idea of Axel being so hurt by all of this. “You can't.”

“Can't?”

“I mean, you can’t let me down. -And that's not a challenge either, okay?” Roxas felt he needed to clarify, albeit with a smile.

Axel kept his eyes on the road. “You really feel that way?”

“Yeah. You can't let me down because I'm already so proud of you for being here. And… if you can't forgive them then -” Roxas shrugged, “so be it. At least you gave it a go. I just want you to try and to get to a place where you have no regrets, no matter what that looks like.” He watched Axel for a while as they drove along.

“Thanks, Roxas.”

“I'm always here for you. Short of you murdering someone or hurting me, I'll always be here.”

Roxas caught the soft smile before Axel started talking again. “What if they really, really, really, _really_ deserved it?”

“Example?”

“They ate all the sea-salt ice cream in our freezer and made a necklace out of puppy dog ears.”

“Like out of Chihuahua ears?”

“No, I mean out of Golden Retrievers.”

Roxas gasped. “What monsters!”

“Yeah. They deserve a good murdering, right?”

“Couldn't you chop their ears off instead, and make them eat it?”

“Ohhhh, that's why _you're_ the brains, and I'm just the good looking brawn.”

Roxas gave Axel's head an approving rub and laughed quietly. Axel appeared to cheer up somewhat, catching Roxas’ hand and kissing the back of it.

But as they closed in on the park Axel’s mood soured again and he grew pensive.

“I’m here for you. You’ll be okay,” Roxas rubbed Axel’s hand when they pulled into the nearly abandoned carpark and came to a standstill. Axel brought Roxas’ hand up to his mouth, removed the cover and just held his hand there for a while, breathing against him. He started leaving feathery kisses against Roxas’ fingertips. The pressure of kisses increased as Axel's resolve grew.

“Alright, let's get this over with.”

They got out and ambled towards Saïx and Tamara, who had arrived before them. They were causing a loud ruckus, as the swing set they were playing on was old and rusted. It screeched with every motion they made.

Roxas looked around. The park was more concrete than nature, though it was also run down enough that nature was doing a wonderful job of reclaiming its territory. A shabby fence ran around the perimeter of the plot of land, with rundown warehouses circling the area beyond.

As they approached the swing set Roxas eyed the way age had bitten into the metal frames, making it holier than holey cheese. 

“Is that safe?”

“It’s never been safe. Not back when we were younger, and not now. That’s what made it fun,” Axel explained with the smallest hint of fondness in his voice.

“Hey, took you long enough,” Saïx exclaimed, scraping his feet along the ground to stop his momentum.

“Can’t say I was eager to get here,” was Axel’s cool response. He looked off to the only side of the square park not circled by buildings.

“Well thanks for coming anyway,” Tamara said, sounding rather bitter.

Axel just shrugged his shoulders.

“Look Axel, we wanna talk to you. Set things… well… on some kind of a straight path. But, I talked to Tammy and we think it’s better if we just talk to you one on one. So, I’ll go first. Let’s…” Saïx looked around a bit, “go over to the far side. We can see who can spit the furthest.”

Saïx’s attempt to lighten things up fell flat. Axel just sniffed as a way of reply, but he did start heading over to the far side of the park. “Hopefully this won’t take long Roxas. Try to stay warm okay?” he uttered as he walked past, brushing Roxas’ cheek as he went.

“I’ll be fine. Just get this sorted out, okay?”

Axel nodded and walked on.

He strode forward in silence. Saïx was a few steps behind him, thankfully not making any small talk. They eventually reached the waist high boundary fence. The scenery dropped away into a concrete spillway on this side of the park. More old and largely abandoned warehouses stood like monoliths on the far embankment. This place had never been nice, and it certainly hadn’t improved with the ravages of time.

“Least it doesn’t smell like shit today,” Axel grumbled as he leaned his elbows against the rickety metal bar that was the boundary fence.

“It hasn’t rained in a while for anything to overflow,” came the neutral response. Saïx also rested elbows against the fence, but with his back to it, looking out towards where the swing set was.

The still winter air gave the world a brittle feel. Breath misted in front of Axel as he exhaled. He wanted to get this wrapped up soon. He hated the idea of Roxas being out in the cold for any longer than he absolutely needed to be.

“I have nothing to say to you, Sai. So you better start talkin’.”

“You wanna make a bet on -”

“Just get on with it.” Axel was in no mood for revisiting their old habits and games.

A sigh sounded to Axel’s left. “What you wanna hear?”

“Something I haven’t heard before.”

Saïx huffed in amusement. “Then you’re gonna love this -” 

Axel cocked an eyebrow and slightly turned to look at him.

“I used to be jealous of you.”

“Jealous?” Saïx was certainly delivering on Axel’s wish. “What was there to be jealous about? We grew up together. We’ve known each other for twenty-five years.”

“I wasn’t at first. But after we went to different schools,” Saïx shrugged. “I started seeing things differently. I started seeing your privilege, and then later your relationship with Tammy burned me up. I wanted what you had.”

“Well congrats,” Axel growled sullenly. 

“Look, I’m not proud of it and I’m not here to justify my own shit, coz I can’t. I went after Tammy on purpose. You were her first relationship. She didn’t know what was right and wrong, so she confided in me a lot and we became close. My intentions were completely selfish and I wanted to -” Saïx pulled a face. “I wanted to stick it to you and your arrogant face. And every year that went by and you still didn’t catch on…” he sighed and let it go.

Axel drummed his fingers on the metal fence, trying to keep his cool. He kept Roxas in mind. Forgiveness and peace seemed even harder to achieve than before this conversation started. But he was gonna give it a go and give it his all.

He thought of how these relationships were all in the past and that he no longer wanted them in his life. He didn’t want Tamara, or Saïx. He didn’t need them. He had his own life and a large part of himself wanted to make sure he continued giving Roxas reasons to be proud of him. So he just stewed, and quietly listened.

“Axel… say something. It’s when you get quiet that everyone has to watch out.”

“Something.”

Saïx groaned. “Whatever. Be a dick then.” Saïx remained silent for a bit before starting again. “I grew to love her, y’know. For her own merits, and not just coz you were with her. You marrying her really pissed me off. Especially since you announced it out of the blue. I…” he breathed in deeply. “She was gonna call our affair off after you two got married. She said it wasn’t right. And she couldn’t bring herself to say anything to you. So… .”

Axel chuckled, feeling ill. “You orchestrated the whole thing, didn’t you. Getting me to come into that room at the right time to see you two together.”

“Yeah,” he said quietly.

A lull fell over the two men. The park was quiet, bar for the screeching sound of the swings going. Axel glanced back towards Roxas and Tamara. They were apparently busy having a conversation of their own. He didn’t want these two anywhere near Roxas, lest they somehow corrupt him too… As stupid as that thought was it still weighed on Axel.

“Why’re you telling me this?” He was still suspicious that this was some kind of ploy to toy with him and make him miserable.

“Coz you shouldn't be so mad at her. You always were the angriest at her. But… I think it’s more my fault than hers. So if you can't forgive us both at least try with her. She loved you. Really.”

It was true. Axel _had_ been harboring an extra special kind of loathing towards her, more so than with Saïx.

“Does she know? Does she know what a fucking cunt you are?” Axel threw daggers at his well-and-truly former best friend.

“Yeah. I told her… After the wedding was called off - after you left.”

“Was she pissed?”

“Yeah. We went our separate ways for two years, but then met again and patched things up. I don’t want you to be angry at her. I fucked up.”

Axel laughed bitterly. “That you did, you fucking piece of shit. After all these years… you tell me _now_. When _you_ want something from me.” Axel huffed in exasperation. He could feel his temper flaring. It was always the same. The heat building up inside. His pulse beginning to race, and the white noise growing in his ears. He gripped the cold bar beneath his hands, turning his knuckles white.

The screech of the swings continued to fill his ears. Roxas was over there. Axel couldn’t lose his shit. He was going to be better than this. Better for himself _and_ for Roxas. 

He relaxed his shoulders, which had gotten stiflingly tense. “But whatever. All three of us fucked up,” he murmured.

It felt like Saïx started breathing again next to him. A slow hum of agreement sounded from him. “You’re taking this a lot better than we thought you would.”

“You’ve got Roxas to thank for that.”

“He means a lot to you?”

“He’s my world.” And with that Axel suddenly rounded on Saïx. “And if you _ever_ get close to him I’m gonna fuck you up.”

Saïx pushed off the fence and took a step back, lifting arms in defense. “Chill, man. I’ve changed. I’m sorry for how I fucked it all up. Sorry that I… well I was weak. No better word for it.”

“I could think of a couple of better suited words. And ‘ _coward’_ is one of the nice ones.”

“Yeah, understood. You’re allowed to be mad.”

“How fucking _kind_ of you,” Axel snarled before composing himself again. “I want you to understand that after today we are through. I never want to see you, or hear from you again. I’m done.” Axel turned back to face the fence and leaned his arms heavily against it, staring out into the sea of dreary and abandoned warehouses stretching out into a city full of bad memories.

“I’m sorry for what I did, Axel. To you and to her. I’m not like that anymore.”

Axel made no response. He simply glared out into the void beyond.

Saïx eventually got the hint that they were indeed done and turned to leave. “I’ll call Tammy over to talk to you.”

Axel grunted gruffly and listened to the footsteps fall away. He didn’t want to think about what Saïx had told him. It didn’t make anything better. It only threatened to open up old wounds if he dwelled on it.

The screeching of the swings ceased after a while but then started up again. Axel threw another glance over his shoulder, looked straight past Tamara who was approaching, and locked eyes with Roxas. 

That gorgeous cinnamon roll gave him a big grin and a thumbs up. Axel returned the gesture and turned around again. Axel missed him. They were probably only 100 yards apart but it felt too far.

Tamara finally appeared in Axel’s periphery. She leaned against the rickety fence, much like Axel was, and much like they had done so often in the past.

The squeaking continued in the background, and the wind picked up slightly, blowing dead leaves around like tumbleweeds.

“Roxas seems nice.”

“He is,” was the blunt response.

“He’s been lecturing me on how I need to,” she cleared her throat a little and put on a deeper voice, “ ‘update my view of you’.”

It made Axel laugh softly. The tension he had felt when she started talking melted away. Maybe this would be okay if they just kept talking about Roxas the entire time. Just the sound of his name made Axel feel better.

“I asked him about the ring on your finger. He showed me the one he had on too.”

“Yeah, so?”

“He said you guys aren't married. Not even engaged.”

“So?”

“I know you, Axel. You may think you've changed - and you probably have - but not in everything. You never believed in buying jewelry. You only bought it for someone else if it was important.”

“Roxas is important.”

“And so was marriage to you, for as long as I’ve known you. You trying to tell me that Roxas isn’t important enough to ask him to marry you?”

That made him angry. “Stay the fuck out of it. You’ve got no right to talk to me about this.”

“I just don't want you to go through life not living up to what you really want because Sai and I fucked up and hurt you.”

“It's too late for apologies,” he grumbled. 

“I know that. Doesn't mean I'm gonna stop. Don't be miserable, Ax. If you do nothing else then at least forgive us enough so you can move on with your life. Don't make Roxas suffer for our mistakes of the past.”

Axel glared out at the desolate scene before him. He couldn't stand the thought of making Roxas suffer. Was him holding onto this grudge really _that_ damaging? He kind of liked having something to be angry about. But was it really _that_ important to keep the hate and memory of his past hurt alive?

“You know, if I had stayed angry I wouldn't be happy now,” Tamara spoke unmoving, looking out onto the dreary landscape.

“What did you have to be angry about?” Axel tried to sound as offended as possible, but he just couldn’t manage it at this moment.

“Saïx. I _was_ going to marry you, Ax. Sure, I was a coward and would never have told you what we did, but I would have been devoted to you. Things weren’t easy for me after you left, you know.”

“Good.”

“Stop being so shitty.”

“I have every right to be.” He slouched lower, elbows digging hard into the fence railing.

“Sure you do, but is that really gonna help the situation?”

“You two are the only ones who want to fix things. Not me,” he dismissed.

“Not true. Roxas wants us to fix this. He wants you to be happy. And so do I.”

That grew a sour taste in Axel’s mouth. He grimaced. “Why would _you_ want me to be happy? After everything I put you through… .”

“Wow… is - that an apology?”

“Yeah,” he murmured. “I should have treated you better. I should have talked to you more and heard what you wanted. I shouldn’t have taken over.”

Tamara hummed happily. “Huh… never thought I’d live to see the day.”

“See, I can be civil.”

“That guy’s really good for you.”

“He’s the best. And… I’ve learned to be a better person because of the shit I put you through. I’m… ,” he breathed deep. “-sorry for that. But also grateful for it. So I guess… thank you,” he said, still looking out into the steadily growing gloom beyond as the sun faded.

Tamara exhaled softly. “Thanks Axel.”

Axel hummed in acknowledgement, and that was all the sound that drifted between them for a while. Axel had never thought he’d ever say that stuff to her. But it had tumbled out. He thought he could live with it though. Was this what forgiveness looked like?

“Does you being civil mean we aren’t gonna talk anymore?” she queried after some time.

Axel grumbled loudly in his head. Hadn't he done enough already? Couldn’t he go home already? He took a breath and forced himself to care for the woman who had once been important to him. “You're happy with him now, aren’t you? Even after everything? You can trust him?”

“I wouldn’t be marrying him if I wasn’t and didn’t,” came the gentle reply.

That stung. “You were gonna marry me once and you were far from happy apparently,” Axel reminded but without any malice. If he had to be truthful he had to admit that he was tired of this. Tired of caring and wasting any more emotional energy on something that happened so long ago, and which was never going to be retrieved.

Tamara exhaled, sounding somewhat pained. “It’s different now.”

“It still hurts,” Axel muttered.

“I know. And you weren't the only one to be hurt. I still loved you. If I didn’t care about you I’d have told you about what Saïx and I were up to, if that makes you feel better.”

“It doesn’t.”

She sighed. “I’m sorry for all of that anyway. I know it would have been worse for you going through all of that. I did a lot of soul searching after you left.”

“Find anything useful?” he cocked an eyebrow at her, in curiosity.

“Well I would recommend a holiday at Destiny Islands any time of the year -”

A small smile pulled at the side of Axel’s face.

“And margaritas are great. But in the end… we all have to learn to move on with our lives.”

“Have you?”

“I think I’m getting there. I’ve gotten back into composing music -”

“Yeah?”

She hummed. “Yeah. You always encouraged me and I wanted to take it back up and give it another proper go. I always liked the silly lyrics you came up with for anything I composed,” Tamara spoke softly. 

“There were some pretty good ones, huh.” The smile tugged a little firmer at Axel.

“My fave was always the one about Abernathy the dog -”

“ _Ridin’ on a sea-snail cucumber,_ ” both sang in unison.

Tamara laughed, loud and clear, and Axel kept to a demure low rumble of amusement.

“Do you still sing, Ax?”

His smile fell away. “I didn’t for a long time. There was nothing to be happy about. But Roxas… ,” the smile returned and grew with strength. “He gives me reason to sing. So many reasons to sing.”

“He makes you happy,” she stated quietly.

“More than I've ever been with anyone else, actually,” he muttered in response and a warmth spread through him.

Tamara exhaled, sounding relieved. “That’s so good to hear, Ax. I’ve been worried about you. And Reno only ever tells me so much about what’s going on for you.”

“It’s coz he doesn’t know. I don’t like keeping in touch with anyone from here. Least of all my family.”

“They still blame you for the wedding falling through?”

“I never told them. I never told anyone, except for my friends back home what actually happened.”

“Why not?”

Axel clicked his tongue lightly. “Can I pretend it’s coz I wanted to protect you from the scorn of all three-hundred of our confirmed guests?”

Tamara winced a little. “Noble acts of self-sacrifice… I don’t know if that would sell,” she side-eyed him, albeit in a playful manner.

Axel breathed out a small laugh. “Yeah. It probably doesn't.”

“So how come then?”

“Well… ,” he rubbed at his head. “I never told anyone because… I couldn’t stand the thought of people knowing anyone would ever cheat on me. You not wanting to be with me… that meant something was wrong with me. So I kept my mouth shut and just said I changed my mind. That you weren’t good enough for me.”

“Ouch.”

“Serves you right.”

Both smiled and shared the peaceful silence between them. Axel hadn’t felt this calm while thinking about Tamara in six years. It was strange to be standing here with her and not have a wish to abuse the fuck out of her _or_ Saïx. But Axel decided that it was a welcomed change.

“I’m sorry I lost it in the cafe. That was just all the old shit coming back up when I saw you. Sai told me to calm down when you stormed out. And talking to your Roxas helps too.”

Axel liked the sound of ‘his Roxas _’._ “He’s good like that. He’s good to me.”

“Sounds like you’re also really good to him. And that makes me happy, ‘cause the way you treated me… that was so shit, Axel. I’m glad you’ve changed.”

“You and me both.”

They continued to stand together, watching nothing in particular.

“This is nice.”

Axel only hummed in response.

“I miss you, Ax. I wish we could have our friendship back,” came a wistful sigh out of Tamara.

Axel mulled that thought over for a moment. “I don’t. You’re gonna live in my past forever, Tammy. I’m not letting you back in. Because the stuff at the cafe… all that resentment - that’s us. If we stick together long enough that will always be us. We’re both better off moving on with living our own new lives.”

A small unhappy sound came out of Tamara but nothing was said.

A deafening silence abruptly fell upon the whole playground, making the place feel eerily dead. But moments later music filled Axel’s ears. It was the sound of Roxas laughing.

Axel and Tamara turned around to see Saïx on the ground, slowly getting up, rubbing at himself. Where two swings had once been present there was now only one hanging from the tired metal frame. Roxas looked dangerously close to teetering off his swing due to having a laughing fit.

“Oh dear.” Tamara broke into a slow jog and Axel pushed off the fence and strolled back, feeling far more eager to reunite with the person he loved most, than any care given to what had befallen Saïx.

Roxas was still laughing by the time Axel reached him, though the belly-laugh had turned into quieter chuckles. Tamara was also laughing, but helping Saïx brush himself off.

“Told you not to go so high,” Roxas sniggered.

“I’d have won if it hadn’t been for this Act of God.”

“Clearly God didn’t want you to win,” Axel let fly, drawing Roxas’ attention, and that all encompassing smile onto himself.

“Shut it - what would you know,” Saïx grumbled and rubbed his rump and bruised ego.

But Axel wasn’t paying attention to him. He smiled instead at Roxas and hugged him tight once they had reached each other. Roxas felt extra chilly to him so he rubbed lightly, trying to transfer some warmth. “You doing okay, Rox?”

“Yeah, but it’s… well I could use a hot drink.”

“Mmm, that settles it. Saïx being struck down by God is a clear sign that we should go. This place is really falling apart. We shouldn’t be hanging out in the past,” Axel insisted firmly, a small nod to the conversation he had been having with Tamara. He slung his arm around Roxas’ shoulder, while Roxas wrapped his around Axel’s waist. Tamara helped Saïx hobble over to stand before them.

“So then,” Saïx said.

“So then,” Axel responded.

“This is it, isn’t it,” Tamara sighed with resignation. 

“Yeah,” Axel nodded.

Roxas nudged Axel’s side, making him grumble a bit, but he loved having Roxas there to prompt him. 

“It sounds like you two had a pretty shit time. I'm glad you guys felt miserable -”

“Axel,” Roxas breathed out sharply.

He rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll try again.” He gave a big dramatic sigh. “I'm glad I wasn’t the only one affected by this. Because - well all of us had a part to play. And I s’pose all of us have to try to fix this. So…”

Saïx and Tamara looked on nervously. Axel could see how much this would mean to them. And for a brief split second he wanted to crush them. He liked having them at his mercy. But then he could also feel Roxas at his side. Roxas was his life. Current and future. He didn't want to disappoint him. Axel wanted to be better than he used to be - to rise above the petty shit that got him going in the past. Roxas made him want to do those things. Roxas made Axel see that he could be better.

Roxas’ words played in his head. The past would always be there. No one was denying it. Nobody was really blaming anyone in particular either. So that made it easier for Axel to think about how the resentment didn't have to remain either. A weight slid off his shoulders. “I wish you guys all the best for your wedding, and that you have a way better future ahead of yourselves.”

“Thanks, Axel. It means a lot to us,” Tamara spoke, sounding solemn. 

Saïx nodded. “I’m sorry for all the shit that happened. I’m sorry that I let you down like I did.”

And Tamara chimed in, “And I’m sorry that I was too gutless to tell you.”

Axel breathed deep. “It doesn't matter. Past’s done and dusted. At least we all learned something.”

There were nods and low mutters of agreement.

“Thanks again for bringing him out here, Roxas,” Tamara said, and Roxas gave a courteous smile.

“Goodbye, Axel,” Tamara looked like she was going to start crying if she stayed there for much longer.

“Goodbye, Axel. Again… sorry.” Saïx gave a small wave.

“I really don’t want to see you ever again, Saïx. All the best to the two of you but yeah… bye.” Axel nodded at them and maneuvered Roxas off towards their rental car.

* * *

 

The conversation wasn’t really flowing. It wasn't even trickling. They had gotten in the car, Axel had turned the heater way up to help defrost Roxas, and then they had sat there for a little while before Axel fired up the ignition and drove off. He wasn’t heading in any particular direction. Simply around and around. Roxas watched the fuel gauge needle slowly decrease.

“Ax… can you do your moping somewhere where we can cuddle? This is getting tiring.”

Axel tore his eyes off the road and looked wide eyed at Roxas.

“You completely forgot I was here, didn’t you.” Roxas tried to say it as gently as he could.

“Sorry, Rox. I - have a lot on my mind.”

“S’okay. Anything I can help you with?”

“Uh… could you pick out a place for us to eat and sleep tonight? I… have no energy to think about that stuff right now. I’ll drive to the parents place and we’ll grab our bags. I’m done staying there. I’m fucking done with this city after tonight.”

Roxas lay a hand on Axel’s shoulder and squeezed in support. Axel responded by rubbing his cheek against Roxas’ hand and kissing it quickly before casting eyes back on the road. “I’ll never be done with you though, Rox. Thanks for putting up with my shit today.”

“No worries. That’s what I’m here for. Your partner in crime. Your support. Your beautiful, tasty cinnamon roll.”

Axel chuckled. It made Roxas smile.

“You’re all those things and more,” Axel spoke quietly, eyes on the road. He fell back into deep thought. But this time Roxas thought it didn’t feel quite so heavy.

They seemed to finally be driving with more purpose now, presumably heading back to the mansion. Roxas was glad that this would be the last he'd see of that place - at least for a while.

“What did you talk about with them while I was preoccupied?” Axel asked, breaking the silence.

“Nothing earth shattering. I talked you up a great deal and defended your honor. And talked about… well their wedding, just to be polite. And then Saïx, the idiot, challenged me to a swing off, and you saw how _that_ ended.” Roxas rolled his eyes. “Did you get stuff off your chest? Was it worthwhile coming out here?”

Axel thought and grumbled indecisively in the back of his throat for a while, thinking it over. “There was nothing really to get off my chest, to be honest with you. They already knew how they fucked me over. It was nice hearing them apologize for it, I guess. And,” he sighed deeply, “Maybe it was a little bit good to also apologize to Tamara. But I think I need a few more days for stuff to sink in before I know if it was worth the trouble.”

Roxas hummed. “I feel like I’ve said it a lot today but I'm so proud of how you handled yourself. Proud of you for letting them get on with their lives. I hope you’ll be able to do the same.” Roxas couldn’t disguise the sorrow he felt for the man he loved. He hated that Axel was so damaged from it. That he held so much negativity, which in turn fed into his insecurities about certain things. 

“I don’t like seeing how it eats you up. I know you hide it well but… ,” Roxas sighed. “Sometimes it’s glaringly obvious. And it’s usually when it’s stuff to do with us, and I don’t like that. So I hope today helped,” Roxas finished in a muffle, resting his chin on the heel of his palm and looked out the window at the passing scenery, wanting to give Axel some space.

“Thanks, Rox. And I can't say that enough,” Axel said weakly.

Roxas turned back towards Axel and frowned. “I love you.” He reached out and wiped at the tear which was sliding down Axel’s cheek.

“I know. I love you too, sweet cheeks.” Axel’s voice was strained and gravely. He caught Roxas’ hand and kissed at knuckles through fabric, gently releasing him after a few moments. 

Roxas ruffled Axel’s hair playfully, desperate to lift the mood. “Okay if we listen to the radio while I do some internet searching?”

“Knock yourself out. Maybe we can get some car karaoke going.”

“Whatever I have to suffer through to get you to cheer up,” Roxas said with some energy.

It brought a warm smile to Axel’s face.

Roxas put the radio on and found some upbeat music for them to sing along to, while he searched the internet on his phone to find them a restaurant and make a hotel reservation.


	27. And They Lived...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Axel has a very serious and difficult question to ask Roxas.

Axel’s mood lifted when they caught a plane back home to Radiant Gardens the next day. The further they went the happier Axel seemed to become, like a weight was being pulled off him with each passing mile. 

Axel didn’t speak much of their meeting with Tamara and Saïx, other than saying that he thought it _had_ been a worthwhile thing to have done. And that was all Roxas really needed to know. He felt relieved over no obvious bad feelings seeming to linger in Axel’s psyche.

So their life rolled on much like it always had. They enjoyed each other’s company, and the menial day-to-day tasks seemed more fun and tolerable when they were together.

No matter how much time they spent together Roxas always felt restless when Axel had to leave for several days due to business. It didn’t happen often but it still made him painfully aware of the importance Axel had in his life. And if the exuberant affections Axel showed every time he returned home said anything, it was that he felt the same about Roxas.

It actually made the times Axel had to leave slightly fun. Because Roxas knew he’d have something amazing to look forward to when he returned. It morphed into a game of who could outdo who with the amount of affection shown at their reunions. There was never a clear winner, and they liked it that way.

Roxas was wondering what he could do this time around when Axel returned on Sunday. He had left that Saturday morning for a brief out-of-town visit to one of the business partners. Roxas had wanted to take this opportunity to decorate the house with stupidly saccharine declarations of love, as Love Day had arrived in the city. 

No one knew why it was called Love _Day_ , since it spanned the first weekend of spring, but that’s what it was - basically an over-hyped capitalist ‘holiday’, designed to sell kitschy love-heart shaped trash to couples and families.

They had missed out on making fun of it last year - for the obvious terrible reason - so Roxas wanted to make a point of spending it together with Axel this time around. His decorating had to wait until Sunday however. Demyx and Zexion had invited Roxas out - and an invitation from them was nigh on impossible to ignore even if one wanted to. Demyx had been amazingly adamant that he hadn’t wanted Roxas to be alone. It had been sweet, but also meant Roxas would have to spend all of Sunday setting everything up instead.

He had a great time with the two men, but had insisted on going home after dinner since he wanted to call Axel, spout some terrible pick up lines and then get them both off over the phone.

Roxas felt quite chipper as he reached his front door and unlocked it. He stepped into the hall, flicked on the light switch and took his coat and shoes off, while he hummed some random tune which had floated to his head. Roxas wasn’t much into humming or singing, but being around Axel had changed that somewhat. 

When he had disrobed he pondered what he might do. It was still relatively early in the evening. Roxas figured he could squeeze a quick console game in before he’d call Axel. 

But he didn’t move very far. Red cowboy boots sat at the bottom of the stairs, drawing his confused attention. “What the… ,” Roxas muttered to himself, walking towards them to pack them away. He could have sworn that the stairs had been clear when he left. 

Some excited suspicion rose inside as he caught sight of a red post-it note stuck to the side of one of the shoes.

‘ _Turn me over,’_ it read.

Roxas picked off the post-it note and did as it bade.

‘ _Not the note, silly. The shoe.’_ Roxas grinned and lifted the boot to find another note on the sole.

‘ _The other shoe, sweety.’_ Roxas laughed and followed the instructions.

‘ _You’ll find me in our favorite spot.’_

“Axel!” Roxas shouted, insides swelling with love. He set the boot back down and thundered up the stairs where everything was quiet and dark. Without hesitation he flung open the bathroom door. Warm steam hit his face and prickled against his skin. Roxas flicked the light switch on to find the bathtub full of bubbles. He beamed, but looking around excitement wilted slightly. Axel was nowhere to be seen.

“Axel?” he called out into the hallway. He had been so sure _this_ was the place the note had referred to. And besides - why else would the bath be filled if it wasn’t?

“You're supposed to be in the bathroom, doofus!” He stepped back out and closed the door behind himself to not let the glorious heat escape any further.

He raced to the bedroom. There was no sign of Axel. It made Roxas frown. He slid the wardrobe open, just to make sure Axel wasn’t being a prick and hiding in there. Roxas didn’t find him though. So he decided to check the study, and then the living room and kitchen. He even poked his head into the cupboard under the stairs.

Nothing.

“Axel! If you’re not in the bathroom I’m gonna get myself off without you,” Roxas called out again and made his way back up the stairs with a spring in his step. This was exciting and fun. 

He pushed the door open and laughed when he saw Axel sitting in the bath with a broad grin directed at him. “Welcome home, Roxas!”

Roxas felt his pulse rush through and he gave as big a grin as he had received. “Where have you been hiding?” he moved closer to the bath and knelt down beside it. Axel leaned over the lip of the tub and slid foam-covered hand through hair at the back of Roxas’ head.

“A magician never reveals his secrets,” came the low amused rumble.

Roxas rolled his eyes but laughed lightly through his sigh of exasperation. “A magical should learn to wear a shower cap to keep his hair dry.” He reached over and scraped some foam off red hair, which had been tied in a bun and was completely saturated with water. He wiped the residual foam off on the tip of Axel’s nose.

Axel grinned and pulled Roxas closer so they could share their reunion kiss. Teeth nipped and pulled at lips. Tongues delicately danced with each other. Roxas ended up with foam on his own face and rubbed at it when he pulled away.

“I wasn’t expecting you back until tomorrow.”

“I may have slightly over-exaggerated my trip.” 

“Yeah?”

“Mmm. I had a lunch meeting downtown. So I was always gonna be back by evening to surprise you like this.”

“But what if I hadn’t… oh… .” That’s when it dawned on Roxas.

“Yeah. I asked them to get you out of the house. But c’mon, get in here.” Axel tugged at Roxas’ jumper.

“You're so sneaky.”

“The sneakiest weasel you’ll ever meet.” Axel sniggered triumphantly and received a kiss to his forehead before Roxas stood back up.

“You know I was gonna make you signs with terribly mushy things written on them, and some bad pickup lines as well to celebrate Love Day,” Roxas muffled as he stripped his shirts off.

Axel hummed with interest. “Can I get an example?”

“Mm, are you a cornfield? Because I'm gonna stalk you.”

Axel burst out laughing. “That’s awesome. Love it!”

“I knew you would.” He kept peeling off layer after layer and discarded them on the floor.

Axel was still leaning against the lip of the bath, stretching his arm out to touch Roxas’ bare skin wherever he could. “Can we make those signs tomorrow?”

“Sure. What’re we doing tonight though?”

Axel shrugged. “I’m sure we’ll figure something out.”

“I’m actually glad you didn’t have to be out of town this weekend. I feel like we need to make up lost time for not doing anything last year,” Roxas said casually, working his briefs off and lastly his socks.

Axel’s fingers lightly scratched Roxas’ flank but stilled at his words. Roxas looked at him to see a frown.

“I can’t believe it’s been a year since… .”

“It’s been a really good year, so don’t dwell on the bad bits,” Roxas encouraged. He patted Axel’s head and got in, sinking into the hot water and foam at the opposite end of the tub. A grateful sigh seeped out the more he sunk down.

“Yeah, okay.” Whatever contemplative sadness might have tried to settle in Axel, passed. Their legs rubbed together and Axel’s toes massaged Roxas’ sides.

“You know I-.” Roxas frowned and reached under the water to grope around a bit. Something weirder than Axel had just brushed against him.

“What’s this?” He fished out a clear plastic snorkel. “Eh, Ax… I think I found out your magician's secret.” 

Axel gave him a dopey grin. “I can’t confirm or deny anything.”

Roxas laughed at Axel’s silliness. “Fine. I’m gonna infer then.” He dumped the snorkel over the edge of the tub and looked at it for a thoughtful moment. “Since when do you have snorkeling equipment?”

“Since always. Again, cupboard under the stairs,” came the smug response.

“I really need to go exploring under there,” he gave the discarded breathing apparatus another glance.

“I’ve got something way better for you to explore right now.”

“Hmm?”

Axel held up a sopping wet washcloth. Excitement surged through Roxas and his face lit up.

“C’mere.” Axel waved the wet material around slightly, luring Roxas closer.

He scooched over but began frowning when he was halfway to Axel. His hands groped under the water's surface for the hard object he had come into contact with.

“Axel, what the hell is this doing in here?” He pulled a flipper out of the water. “You know you can’t swim in here, right?”

Axel wore a big grin. “Can’t I?”

“No you can’t. You trying to tell me something with this? You want to go on a tropical beach holiday or something?” Roxas tilted the flipper to let the water drain out of it before he made ready to dump it over the edge of the bath.

“I think you should look at it before you throw it.”

That stilled Roxas. He gave Axel a squinty-eyed look of suspicion and retracted his arm from beyond the border of their bathtub. He examined the flipper. It looked pretty unremarkable. Blue plastic for the fin and black where you slid your foot in. He turned it around to glance at the back, because he truly didn’t get it.

And then he saw it. A white bit of paper, laminated and attached to it, reading -

* * *

_‘Roxas,_

_You're the one I can, and do trust most in the world. You are the man I know I can get through anything with. We're both far from perfect, but we bring out the best in each other, and temper the worst in each other. You make my life special. You light me up. You cool me down. You’re my firework. The love my life. My precious, delicious Cinnabun._

_Roxas, you are the man I want to be with for the rest of my life._

_Yours forever,_  
_Axel ❤’_

* * *

 

Roxas slowly read the note again. They were always sweet on each other… but something felt different about this. It felt bigger, more weighty and important. It made him nervous with uncertainty. His insides squeezed and began churning. His mouth felt too dry. Roxas ventured a look up at Axel, to see him wearing a fragile smile.

Axel slid towards Roxas, meeting him halfway in the tub. Legs pressed around Roxas’ sides and a hand delicately took the flipper out of his grasp and lay it on the bathroom floor.

He took both of Roxas’ hands in his own and kissed the ring on Roxas’ finger. A shaky breath sounded, and Axel looked like he was about to speak, but then shut his mouth again and cast eyes to the side. 

Roxas squeezed Axel’s hands in encouragement. “What is it, Ax?”

Slowly Axel found his words and eyes drifted back onto Roxas and their clasping hands, “You know… I thought I was done with people - done with trusting and relying on anyone ever again. I didn’t want to care anymore -” Fingers stroked over knuckles. “I thought I had it all figured out.” 

Roxas gave small squeezes of understanding and reassurance.

“But… I didn’t realize how miserable I was until I met you.”

“Gee thanks,” Roxas breathed out quietly, trying to joke about it.

Axel’s eyes drifted off hands and locked onto eyes, smiling softly. “Not like that, sweet cheeks. When I was with you… it’s like the sun was shining, even on the shittest of days. And it’s still like that. You know… I’ve thought long and hard about what I want and it always comes back to one thing.”

His heart was in his throat. “What’s that?”

“You.”

Roxas bit his lip and fought down the embarrassed and weepy smile which was threatening to roll over him.

“Without you I would still be doing the things I used to do. I’d still be angry. I’d still feel like a victim and wallow in my own misery. But you make me face up to my shit, Roxy. I want to be accountable to you, and you make me also want to be accountable to myself.”

Axel’s eyes sunk again and he kissed Roxas’ hands once more, before lifting and rubbing them against his cheeks. “I’m done living in the past. I’m done having the past rule my life and having it come between us. Because you’re my world. My future. And I want us to always be together in whatever comes next. I love you so much.”

It touched him so deeply. Roxas couldn’t picture himself with anyone else. He couldn’t picture a world where Axel wasn’t a part of his life. “I love you too, Axel. I love that we make each other better. I love how you challenge and push me. I love how you support me and pick me up.”

“You do the same for me, Rox. And that’s why -,” Axel scooched a fraction closer and gently squeezed his legs against Roxas. “I want us to be together forever. I… -.” Axel gazed into Roxas’ eyes for what felt like a long time. Roxas simply smiled back, fighting against the sting in his eyes, brought on by the instinctive knowledge of what was about to come next. He squeezed Axel’s hands and watched the nervous swallow.

Steam gently rose and swirled. The only sound to push through the stillness was Axel’s breathy whisper, “Will you marry me, Roxas?” Green eyes shon. Hands held firm.

The words drifted and encased Roxas’ whole being, but most of all they nestled closest to his heart. It was such a huge thing to be asked. For Axel, and for Roxas. He bit his lip. Tears welled. He sniffled… and then a worry clawed its way into his soul. “Are you sure? You're not just asking me because you think this is what I want, right?”

There was no hesitation as Axel spoke up, “I wouldn't do that to us, Rox. I've thought about it for a long time. Tamara..." he labor a little, "she made me think about you and me and what I want. And… I know we can both take this or leave it. It's not gonna change our lives or guarantee that nothing bad will ever happen to us, but… I'd like to be married to you anyway - if you want the same,” he finished, flashing a brittle and hopeful smile.

Roxas took a deep breath and pulled his hands free. A tremendous squeak of skin against fiberglass shattered the quiet as he flung arms over shoulders and latched onto warm lips with a kiss. Axel toppled over backwards, and they both went under the water. But it didn’t break them apart. They stayed submerged for a few beats of thundering hearts before Roxas eased off and pulled them both back above the sea of foam.

Roxas sputtered and wiped suds from his face. He swept his hair back, squeezing some water out as he did so. When he could see again he watched Axel do much the same.

The water level had dropped sharply in the tub, and risen outside of it. Foam was splashed all along the floor and walls, sliding and pooling everywhere. It would be annoying to clean up but right now Roxas was all grins.

“Is that a ‘no’, Roxas? Was that you trying to murder me?” Axel queried as he shook his head in some attempt to get water out of his ears.

“If I was gonna murder you, you’d be dead already.” Roxas clambered onto Axel’s lap and pulled himself flush against warm chest. Both their arms slung around each other. Roxas’ around slim shoulders, and Axel’s around cool waist. 

“So will you? Do you want to?”

“Yes. Yes, yes, yes,” Roxas said, planting a kiss on cheeks, nose and lastly mouth.

Axel squished and kneaded Roxas’s sides tight and their kiss deepened.

* * *

 

The wedding didn’t happen immediately. It didn’t even happen for a few years. But it did happen eventually.

They joked about having it at a love hotel. They joked about getting a giant inflatable bath, or doing it on the train they always caught. But eventually the jokes became less frequent and more serious conversations were had around what they both might enjoy and find meaningful.

What they settled on was a tropical beach location. “ _The ocean is the biggest bathtub we can get_ ,” had been the reasoning behind it. Plus it was also warm. And Axel would be able to use his snorkeling equipment.

They had agreed on something small and intimate. With only their closest friends there. Roxas’ parents also attended, and Ventus was his best man, while Axel had his own brother there, though he found his cousin Kairi to be much better support in the whole thing and on the day.

During the year long process of gradually organizing things, Roxas had been somewhat upset to learn that Axel's parents refused to attend. Even after all these years they had never accepted Axel wanting to spend his life with another man. They never accepted Axel and Roxas together as a couple, despite everyone around them being able to see the devotion, love and respect they always showed towards each other.

It had bothered Roxas so much that he had committed himself to trying to get Axel’s parents to attend the wedding. He had kept it a secret and worked on trying to wear the Sullivan’s down for that whole year. 

It was a big deal for Roxas, because he knew that deep down it really did matter to Axel to have his parents accept this part of who he was. But all the effort seemed to go to waste, and Roxas began to lose hope. But when their actual wedding day arrived - and with it Axel’s father - it had been a massive shock and surprise to everyone who knew Axel’s situation.

Axel had acted cool about it, but much later he also confessed to Roxas how much it had actually meant to him. And it hadn’t just been the fact that one of his parents had shown up. It had also been the fact that Roxas had gone to such great lengths for him.

As for the actual event… it had been held right there on the beach on a gorgeous balmy summer day. Guests had been encouraged to wear the weirdest shoes they could get their hands on and to not overdress. Various fun beach activities were set up and ready to go, and a modest pavilion tent had been set up to keep all the cakes that Rosita and Clarence had baked for them, safe and sand free. 

The ceremony was kept “ _short and sweet - just like Roxas_ ,” Axel had joked. And he had received an affectionate punch in the arm for that comment. Their unofficial engagement rings were replaced with matching wedding bands and their vows were kept brief and to the point. 

Neither of them saw a reason to elaborate and embellish what they already knew. For their vows were all the things they had promised each other for so many years already. The promise to always be there for each other. To love and cherish. To support and to light each other's way when the darkness of life grew too dense.

And when they kissed, before all the people most important to them, and the cheering had died down, they smirked. Clothes were ripped and stripped off each other, right there - in front of everyone - to reveal swimwear. Roxas jumped on Axel's back, who then ran them head on into the ocean whilst rousing laughter and playful jeers fell away behind them. 

The seagulls squawked, the waves crashed, and the sound of each other's laughter rolled down the beach.

Even when life got tough the one thing they always had was each other, and the promise of always being weird together.

[](http://smg.photobucket.com/user/ili_chan/media/Art/Shoegazing%20End.jpg.html)

_____❤_____

* * *

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're finally here. The end. Thank you all for reading. Your comments have been very appreciated and greatly enjoyed. I loved writing this story, and I loved drawing this picture too. As always for more stuff visit my [tumblr](https://creamypudding.tumblr.com/) and/or [deviantart](http://cream-pudding.deviantart.com/) pages.
> 
> Here is a link to this fic's [Playlist](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wNmRdEPyhhs&list=PLGBPGoX1ZkwlvKSnlb7P5Dzs8NMYkMYl3), containing all songs in the fic as well as other more thematic songs I thought fit well with the story.
> 
> I'm sure there will be more AkuRoku fics in the future. So I guess I'll catch you all next time :)
> 
>  
> 
> **~cream pudding**


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